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Freaky Friday: Whose fantasy is it?

Have you ever wondered if you were too “vanilla” or inexperienced compared to your date or significant other? Would it bother you if you found out that you were?

I ask because a friend of mine went on a first date with a new guy  recently.  He randomly mentioned his rendezvous with two women during the date.  Yes, you read that right. 

I will pause here so you can react with disbelief like I did.

She became “visibly annoyed” and quickly changed the subject, unfortunately she had already heard too much.  Now she can’t seem to shake off the little details he managed to divulge.

Where do I even begin? First of all, why would you even mention your former hook-ups with someone you are interested in?  How tacky is that?  Secondly,  is that some kind of new   compatibility test some people use now?

Mr. Threesome  rambled on about how he was glad he got it out of his system.  Is this the sort of thing that single people want to do before they settle down?  Does sowing your wild oats mean you get to want to live out some fantasy that you have?

He also argued  “they don’t call it every man’s fantasy for nothin”.  I know, charming guy, right? Do you think this is true?

When you are in a relationship, do you think it matters if one person is more  “vanilla” than the other?

763 comments Add your comment

Surely you jest...

August 27th, 2010
8:10 am

…in asking this question? He was trying to see if SHE might be interested in the 3 way – duh – this dating stuff really is not difficult to figure out…

Simple Man!!!!

August 27th, 2010
8:13 am

Morning Fam!!! Great topic to start a friday with!!!!

2CPTG©

August 27th, 2010
8:16 am

Morning…..

ahhh, no, a 3-some isn’t every man’s fantasy! However, I’m sure everyone has their own proverbial “bucket list” for dating, a 3-some just ain’t it; not for me anyway. And no, it shouldn’t matter if one person is more experienced than the other; Hell, that should be the fun part. Bringin’ him/her up to speed!

Purple Rain

August 27th, 2010
8:18 am

WiseDiva, you need new friends. She just went out on a date with the wrong guy for what she was looking for, she needs to improve her screening. You never divulge sexual topics on the first day unless sex happens on the first date. What does to vanilla mean?

Purple Rain

August 27th, 2010
8:19 am

and for the record a threesome is not for sure double the pleasure but it is certainly double the work. :)

Pimpin ain't dead

August 27th, 2010
8:26 am

Kym-I only look sweet and innocent.

August 27th, 2010
8:27 am

Good Morning All,

Wisey..dude was tack on-tacky for bring up his sex fantasies on the first date. (That normally comes up midway of date 2 with full reveal date 4). I don’t think its some kind of test..he sounds like he had a case of the open mouth insert foot.

Now as for your fantasy/wild oats question..I don’t know how to answer that..and that thing about every man’s fantasy..I am not a man so I have no idea..it is not my fantasy..I barely like sharing my birthday cake..so I know I am NOT going to share no diggity with some other chick..at the same..but I digress..

As for the vanilla..yes it matters. Okay let me rephrase that..It matters to me. No one wants the same bedroom antics all the time.. add something..make it spicy..or at least add some whipped cream to the vanilla. Throw in some chocolate syrup.

Simple Man!!!!

August 27th, 2010
8:39 am

Morning Kym…. I have a different take on this one….I don’t believe dude did this by mistake! I think he went in with the full intention of swinging for the fence and seeing if he could get her into the freak zone RIGHT NOW!!! I’ll bet he had no interest in long term dating with her but if she had left the door open even a little bit, He would have put on a full court press to see just how far he could take it….

blue - Waiting...

August 27th, 2010
8:43 am

GM all,

“vanilla” or inexperienced compared to your date or significant other? – had this happen with mr.blue…military had him traveling for years b4 we got back together, and oh the wonders he did see…left me feeling at first a little inadequate like i wouldnt be able to compete with his past, but as PR said, took that challenge as time for me to learn some things and catch up! imo, should be a fun process not holding on to that feeling for extended periods. they’ll be the initial “OOHH” and then do something about it (within reason of course, lol)

as far as dude divulging 3some antics on the first date, WD get to the part of the story where your friend got up and walked out?

@PR – and for the record a threesome is not for sure double the pleasure but it is certainly double the work – lmao

AmazonRed™

August 27th, 2010
8:43 am

Morning all –

Back when I was in college I went out with this guy who told me he had been with 120 women. Me having only been with one at the time, I knew we wouldn’t be a match. That was the first and last date. Besides, he talked about sex too much but then in the same breath talked about his pastoral studies. I think he got into some trouble years later for sleeping with women in his congregation. :arrow:

2CPTG©

August 27th, 2010
8:46 am

why do I keep hearing Too Short in my head….”these are the tales, the freaky tales…..”

2CPTG©

August 27th, 2010
8:48 am

Damn, A Red, ’sup with y’all smart folks? Tiger at Stanford, and your experience was at Berkeley…..school work had y’all bogged down like that!!!

SlimNumeroUno

August 27th, 2010
8:49 am

What an interesting topic to come back to work on….Good morning everybody.

I agree with my faux-hubby Purple Pleasure. Talking about sexual escapades on a first date is tacky unless you all are meeting up for discreet, random, hooking up.

Leggs

August 27th, 2010
8:50 am

Good morning!

To talk about prior hookups on a first date is tacky beyond measure.

Is one person more vanilla than the other? I hope so. If not, where’s the learning curve? Two sexually compatible partners is great, but wouldn’t it be more fun to do something you’ve never done, to experience the throes of sexual arousal that no one else has ever tapped into before? Let the teacher start the lesson plan….

AmazonRed™ - vanilla with sprinkles!

August 27th, 2010
8:53 am

Damn, A Red, ’sup with y’all smart folks? Tiger at Stanford, and your experience was at Berkeley…..school work had y’all bogged down like that!!!

Ha ha…you know Tiger had to be a freak back in his college days too!

And trust me, I was vanilla, but I was in the minority. Berkeley is full of hippies and they believe in “free love!” :lol:

Simple Man!!!!

August 27th, 2010
8:53 am

Hey Leggs….Morning Dear!! :D :D :D

Luvbug

August 27th, 2010
8:55 am

Now see, I’m trying to get my life together and shouldn’t be on this blog today, and here you come with this booby trap topic DIVA.

But since I’m already here and everything (LOL)…

I would probably fall under ‘vanilla’, but I don’t feel insecure if the guy isn’t…even if he thinks it is a turn off. He has a right to want what he wants and if I am not it, then onward and upward. I’m willing to break the ceiling on it, but I have to be comfortable. I’m not going to be harassed or shamed into it…and I’m not likely to automatically assume that I am not compatible with a guy who has plenty of experience if I feel comfortable with our connection and he’s willing to get me there.

Leggs

August 27th, 2010
9:00 am

Good morning, my invisible Sweetie!

@Luvbug ~ WD said WTH, I know the group will go there today so I’m going to beat them to the punch! :lol:

Poppa Grande

August 27th, 2010
9:00 am

Good Morning -

I am inclined to believe that this was not done by mistake. He even argued for it later. He just put his cards on the table from the beginning to see what would be the result. The fact fact that he didn’t mind divulging the information kinda makes me believe that he isn’t looking for a relationship. Heck, one of those women may be his steady girl.

As with other things in a relationship, the pair should be sexually compatible. Now, that applies only if you want a relationship with each other. However, if it isn’t for a relationship, consenting adults can do whatever and whomever they want, but they must deal with the consequences of their actions.

Luvbug

August 27th, 2010
9:01 am

Leggs – I know right?! How we gonna to be PG with this title? Guess she threw in the towel. LOL

Kimmy

August 27th, 2010
9:04 am

My friend is happliy dating and from time to time mentions women to me. He has said that he wants to have a three-some..oh well to each his own. I do think that there will always be inequity in sexual experiences, but if you and that person become intimiate hopefully you will be open enough to discuss your past and what your limits are.

Kym-I only look sweet and innocent.

August 27th, 2010
9:04 am

I must have this topic backwards.. why again is having sex with someone who is still green around the gills a good idea. I mean other than ego tripping on how you “taught” them how to do some new trick…they never tried..where is the fun in teaching? Look sex is suppose to be fun..I am not signing up for all that extra training–that’s work.

I mean its great if ole dude or dudette pulls something out of the trick bag that u wonder where they got that from..but seriously I doubt any of us are some kind of Karma Sutra masters. If you are serious about doing the do..then bring your A game or at least be willing to develop some game.

Luvbug

August 27th, 2010
9:05 am

LOL@ the guys jumping right in on this topic.

You too PG…coming in out the woodwork at 9 in the morning. :lol:

i'm swiss™

August 27th, 2010
9:06 am

PG — I was thinking the same thing. Wise’s friend wasn’t on a date; she was on an interview:lol:

And on the topic of 3-ways, I would say that most men fantasize about that, at least until they’ve done it, so the whole “get it out of your system” thing does have some merit. Or at least it did w/ me… :lol:

Leggs

August 27th, 2010
9:07 am

I dated a guy that just about hounded me to recruit another for a 3some. His fantasy. I thought about it and thought about and decided against it. We weren’t really vested in each other for me to satisfy one of his fantasies. I didn’t think this relationship was going anywhere so I took my recuiter’s hat off and placed back on the shelf in my closet. It’s still there (LOL).

Kym-I only look sweet and innocent.

August 27th, 2010
9:07 am

PoppaG!!! I sent out a legal SOS last week for you. Glad to see ya!!

Leggs

August 27th, 2010
9:11 am

@Luvug ~ I chuckled too at PoppaG so early in the morning!

The Truth-Playing in the sand again :(

August 27th, 2010
9:14 am

Good friday good people.

On topic: I agree with those who said homie threw out his ace of spades first. LOL

Off topic: Who is this Simple Man talking all cutesy with my beloved ex-wife Leggs? Dems fightin words if I ever heard em. Luckily I know my love lump is waiting patiently for my return.

“Good morning, my invisible Sweetie!” Howd you know I would be here today?

Kym-I only look sweet and innocent.

August 27th, 2010
9:15 am

TRUTH!!! Its like old home week today! How are you my brother from another mother?

Poppa Grande

August 27th, 2010
9:16 am

Suisse

And on the topic of 3-ways, I would say that most men fantasize about that, at least until they’ve done it, so the whole “get it out of your system” thing does have some merit. Or at least it did w/ me…

Same with me. I think that if I hadn’t at least tried it, I probably would still have it on my mind. We all know when we mix curiousity and cats…

Other than 3-some, my sexual bucket list was to have a sexual encounter with someone on 6 of the seven continents. That was accomplished. Heck, if there was a desirable female on Antarctica, I may have tried that one too. I imagine undressing would have been too much work though because of the all the layering that would have to go in down there.

However, once that interest was taken care of, I moved on.

i'm swiss™

August 27th, 2010
9:17 am

Luvbug / Leggs — Yeah, you want to lure the dudes out of lurkersville, just mention 3-way. :lol:

Reminds me of a line from the movie Office Space — where the main character is talking to his neighbor about what they would do if they had enough $$ that they never had to work again… The neighbor says if he had that kind of money, he’d probably get a couple of chic to double up on him. His friend says not all girls are that interested in money & the neighbor says, “No, but the kind who would double-up on me are…” :lol:

Poppa Grande

August 27th, 2010
9:17 am

Kym

Sorry, I missed your legal SOS. School and fitness application to sit for the bar are taking my time.

Luvbug

August 27th, 2010
9:18 am

blue - Waiting...

August 27th, 2010
9:18 am

and the am quote for today:

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
Woody Allen

Dirty Diana ♠ Maybe, maybe not

August 27th, 2010
9:20 am

Hola!

LOL at this topic. Purp-purp is correct WD friend dating selection is off. And, I agree with PG and Leggs dude was recruiting for a 3rd wheel 3rd party. He was putting it out there, 1st date, dude is not wasting time dating and spending his money. He wants two women in the bed and he is interviewing simple as that…no more, no less.

Do I worry about how I stack up to my partner…nope. If the chemistry is there I will do just fine. I can be the student or the professor. I am cool with either.

Leggs

August 27th, 2010
9:20 am

OMG, SIR TRUTH IS HERE…how ya doing? Awwww, you back in the sand. Hope you had boatloads of fun during your brief stay back home.

Poppa Grande

August 27th, 2010
9:21 am

Kym

How is life in Henry Co.? I haven’t even been to Clay Co. in over a month. So, it has been pretty hectic. However, as my grandma used to say….”it is good to be seen”.

Does your son like Henry Co.? That area is way different than it was when I was coming up. There were far more trees and cows than there are now.

Kym-I only look sweet and innocent.

August 27th, 2010
9:21 am

@PoppaG oh it was nothing just a conflict of the soul(I haven’t lost mine yet apparently–LOL)

Congrats in advance for passing the bar.. wait..Are there two versions so you can practice anywhere or just GA? Either way you got.

Leggs

August 27th, 2010
9:22 am

Excellent post given the morning topic….Touche!!!

The Truth-Playing in the sand again :(

August 27th, 2010
9:22 am

Swiss lmao :D

Hey Kym, how are you? You have the ipad yet? I know you do.

AmazonRed™ - vanilla with sprinkles!

August 27th, 2010
9:22 am

my sexual bucket list was to have a sexual encounter with someone on 6 of the seven continents.

That’s kind of hot.

Simple Man!!!!

August 27th, 2010
9:22 am

When talking about sexual compatability, I think sex drive is way more important than experience…. It is not important to know, but you gotta be willing to practice, practice, practice!!! LOL

Dirty Diana ♠ Maybe, maybe not

August 27th, 2010
9:23 am

@Blue, good quote and by the way you left fred’s candy bag on yesterday. Here ya’ go (peppermint, spearmint and orange slices).

Kym-I only look sweet and innocent.

August 27th, 2010
9:24 am

@PoppaG..I am loving Hen-ray County! My son is adjusting..he is playing football.(and was welcomed with open arms.) Now if I can just get him to wrap his head around school..so I don’t have to push him threw a wall we will be good. Coaches already told him that school comes first and they have no problem with him sitting out a game.

AmazonRed™ - vanilla with sprinkles!

August 27th, 2010
9:24 am

Hi Truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother in law is over there playing in the sand too…

It's me....lurker

August 27th, 2010
9:24 am

Nothing coincidental or faux pas(ed) or a slip of the tongue of his sexcapades. He was testing his limits with her. What a snot. Vanilla by comparison to your SO shouldn’t be considered a bad thing.

Poppa Grande

August 27th, 2010
9:25 am

Luvbug & Leggs

I’ve been up since 8:30 am yesterday. I am not even tired. I am just taking a break from the grind.

As Robert Frost said, “I’ve got promises to keep….I’ve got mile to go before I sleep”.

Kym-I only look sweet and innocent.

August 27th, 2010
9:27 am

@Truth..no I dont’t have the ipad..all my money goes to the house and the boy now.

LURKS

August 27th, 2010
9:28 am

SIMPLE MAN who are you? You read famiiar. Are you reincarnated?

Luvbug

August 27th, 2010
9:28 am

PG – Now that’s commitment!! I need a few more quotes and such to get me as motivated as you’ve been. I’m sure I can get it together come this weekend.