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Natural Tapering Off

A caught an episode of the TBS show My Boys recently that addressed a common thing that happens with couples: The natural tapering off  aka The NTO.  You know how it is when the novelty has worn off (no pun intended) and the hot and heavy shifts to “lucky if it’s steady” stage?  Yeah, it creeps up on you pretty fast.

There really is no way to avoid The NTO because, well it’s physically impossible to maintain the same intensity and frequency.   Oh you probably have the very best intentions to!  It’s just that random things such schedule conflicts, varying libidos, work distractions, etc. all conspire against you.

What if it’s not just due to these things though?

If you have hit a tapering off period way too soon, should you be concerned?  What would you do if your desire to rip your date’s clothes off wanes soon after you two have become exclusive?

Do men notice when the natural tapering off stage begins?  I think women don’t realize it as quickly as men do.  What do you guys think?

How do you handle the dreaded NTO?

300 comments Add your comment

SlimNumeroUno

August 25th, 2010
8:14 am

Good morning,

Is the NTO really just the point of where the hunter has now gotten the ‘prey’ out in the open…gotten them comfortable in the surroundings therefore taking away a bit of the chase….I think the NTO or plateau comes once the dude has realized the woman has grown feelings for them, which gives them a bit more leadway with the less intense part of the courtship. Once you’ve been ‘conquered’ the NTO is soon to follow.

Need more coffee…check back in later.

SlimNumeroUno

August 25th, 2010
8:14 am

I guess I really am NumeroUno today…

Blue

August 25th, 2010
8:17 am

After 5 yrs together (three cohabiting), my boyfriend and I are still in the intense phase. It requires inventiveness, fun, and a little kink. (and not being married!!! lol)

YESSHEISCUTE

August 25th, 2010
8:18 am

What about if you have always been in that NTO state? I feel that way in my current relationship. I never felt like I was able to be as amorous as I like in the beginning because he is not. So we are always in that NTO state that usually takes place. I don’t see it tapering off because its pretty meager already…

Simple Man!!!!

August 25th, 2010
8:31 am

Morning ladies!!! From a guys POV, I think NTO happens when women realize that they have a dude invested…At that point the ladies tend to back away from the circus act that hooked him in the first place….

Simple Man!!!!

August 25th, 2010
8:33 am

YESSHEISCUTE @ 8:18… That does not sound good!!! Hope you can manage…

2CPTG©

August 25th, 2010
8:42 am

Morning…

You can sense the NTO is approaching when, as you stated, you’re not so apt to “do” her all the time. How does that saying go, “familiarity breeds contempt,” or some’n like that…well, that’s what happens..you’ve become quite comfortable/familiar with each other and it’s grown stale…as someone said, keep it interesting, and keep her on her toes…..

Is it just me, or does it seem like Diva had a ghostwriter this morning…don’t seem like your style of writing…

Simple Man!!!!

August 25th, 2010
8:43 am

Off topic…Met a couple of associates for breakfast…While sitting at our table, Two beautiful ladies walked by. One of them had on a kinda short skirt and 3 1/5 inch heels. As she had unbelievable LEGGS, I thought Hmmmmmmmmm….. Could it be???? Not wanting to miss a chance, I walked over introduced my self bid them a great day and paid for their breakfast.

just in case!!! :D :D :D

Lady-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

August 25th, 2010
8:50 am

Simple Man that was nice and cute of you! lol

Kym

August 25th, 2010
8:54 am

Good Morning All,

NTO? Hmm..I have never thought about this..I always thought that there was a point that you as a couple just got into such a routine that you develop this level comfort. I guess that is why it is important to not take for grant your partner. Last night I was watching Sinbad’s comedy special on tv..there was this one portion that kind of relates to the topic. He said that it was amazing that once women get married they start to hate their husbands..he said where the woman use to say…

Then: “Ohh that’s him that’s my man! You see him..that’s him girl!”
Now: “Here he go!”

Then: Slap on the butt in the kitchen..”oh you so nasty..giggle..giggle”
Now: Slap on the butt in the kitchen..You just nasty! Slap me again..I dare ya!

I guess this could apply to this whole NTO in relationships..
Then: Wanna have rabbit sex in the car?
Now: Sex?? Tell you what why don’t you get started I will meet you halfway?

2CPTG©

August 25th, 2010
9:00 am

Simple Man…..that’s what’s up!!!!!

blue - Expecting a Decision Today....

August 25th, 2010
9:02 am

GM all,

NTO – i think its a combination of things, a little of that ive got em now need to impress anymore, a little stuck in a routine/rut, children, and all kinds of other little things that you let get in the way. sometimes just got to take the time to say gotta put my relationship first (if its important that is) and come up with something fresh and new to jump start teh spark

Dan - simply...

August 25th, 2010
9:02 am

That stage has its benefits and drawbacks,

The benefits is silence! and the ease with which you all interact with one another,

the drawback is the ease with which you interact with one another. The little flirty, flinty things you used to do, you don’t think about anymore.

As it stands though, passion is designed to wane, to lead to the deeper connections and build stronger bonds.

Morning

blue - Expecting a Decision Today....

August 25th, 2010
9:03 am

wait, do my eyes deceive me, another blue!!! Hi Other Blue!!!

Kym

August 25th, 2010
9:04 am

@blue..so did you put in a offer on a house?

blue - Expecting a Decision Today....

August 25th, 2010
9:11 am

@Kym – yes and no, its a rental with a purcase option. we are going with a lease for the moment. their supposed to be checking our references today, and said we should have a decision once they talk to our current landlord. Agent came to our house to go over app/incognito interview i guess. im thinking to make sure we didnt have any bullet holes in the front door or a 95lb attack dog, lol

Leggs

August 25th, 2010
9:13 am

Good morning!

@SimpleMan ~ I started to play with you this morning, but must remain honest. It wasn’t me! But, that was very sweet of you!

Do men notice when the natural tapering off stage begins? I think women don’t realize it as quickly as men do. I think both genders realize when it’s happening. If you’re in the rapid fire stage of igniting the bed sheets, no doubt you will notice when the fire extinguisher has been placed on the side of the bed!

I like what Blue said, keept it interesting, kinky, spicy and a little role playing never hurts. Ok, all that wasn’t said, but it was implied!

@blue – hope your answer leaves you smiling from ear to ear!

Kym

August 25th, 2010
9:13 am

awww!!! Congrats!!..I was going to tell you yesterday but I forgot before I left..Don’t sleep on HUD homes. That’s how I found my house. Wishing you good vibrations on the decision.!!

DC Rose

August 25th, 2010
9:14 am

Good morning all.

IMO – NTO is OK if you are at that phase where the mental stimulation is challenging, interesting and fun. A relationship needs balance. It shouldn’t be about only one thing. There are so many things that can enhance the deed. A deeper understanding of your partner. That feeling of being connected. And the desire to please.

BUT it’s easier to not have NTO become an issue when you don’t live together

Dirty Diana ♠ Maybe, maybe not

August 25th, 2010
9:16 am

Hola!

Ok, do we have two Blues? Because, I thought our “blue” with Fred was married to Mister Blue :???:

I want to read what the guys have to say on this one. I will say this the “NTO’ is reality setting in. The sooner you can get to reality when dating/married/shacking the better you are to the truth about your partner.

Simple Man!!!!

August 25th, 2010
9:19 am

Leggs @ 9:13

“I started to play with you this morning”

I should be so lucky…. ( I know its early, and I know i am being bad, But WTH…” :D

blue - Expecting a Decision Today....

August 25th, 2010
9:19 am

@Leggs/Kym – Thanx Ladies!! we realy like this place, but guess we are still feeling homesick and cant quite commit to buy it just yet. prob will tho since its just been completly renovated top to bottom. i think we made a good impression – he seemed to like mr.blue being a Veteran, so we will see!
@DC – A relationship needs balance – too true. have had times where i kind of put us in a temp NTO cause we werent connecting anywhere else. to keep a real relationship need to develop some other things besides bedroom skills…

Dirty Diana ♠ Maybe, maybe not

August 25th, 2010
9:20 am

@Simple Man that was a generous act of kindness. I had an encounter yesterday as well, dude did not have enough money to pay a soda, so I told the loud mouth cashier that kept yelling, “Man you are .59 cents short!” Calm down and put his things on my tab.

blue - Expecting a Decision Today....

August 25th, 2010
9:29 am

@DD – here I am! Fred is doing his morning yoga…left mr.blue sleeping this morning, I should call him ;)

ℝ♥qi

August 25th, 2010
9:30 am

It is just not possible or even natural to live in a state of constant euphoria for an over extended amount of time. That Natural Tapering Off, IMO, is just that stage when you become familiar and comfortable in the relationship and with that person.

It’s about like when I was picking my daughter up every day from the daycare, she would be excited to see me. But now that we are together all day every day her eyes do not light up when I walk into the room. However, we still have our happy and fun times together. I can still make her laugh and she still makes me smile.

That’s the way relationships are. We become the expected. You know, a natural part of each other’s lives. But that does not mean the love is lost or desire is gone, it just mean you are comfortable and familiar. In that, you have to make the effort keep the sparks lit. There will most definitely be days when the fire is not blazing but keeping those sparks keeps life in the relationship.

The NTO is that stage that you get to when you are happy doing absolutely nothing together. Right around that time when true love (or not) starts to take its course.

There are five stages to long lasting relationships and the NTO one of the five.

R♥qi

August 25th, 2010
9:33 am

Robin Williams is one of my favorite comedians. I watched an interview once of him where he talked about how he eventually became “less” humorous to his friends and not so humorous to his kids. He is “oh that’s just dad”. However when the kids’ friends came over he was quite hilarious to them because he was not a part of their natural lives, their everyday living. He said just because he was “less” funny to the kids did not mean he had lost his comedic abilities or even failed at times make them laugh. It just meant his home was a familiar environment and while he did have fun with his kids from time to time, it is unnatural for him to be mr. funny man every single day.

I guarantee you Denzel Washington’s wife doesn’t wake up every morning bouncing off the walls these days in elation of being married to him. He is Denzel, the husband and father. She knows what his crap smells like, literally and figuratively but still loves him. Still a great actor and very handsome however a natural part and occurrence in the lives of his immediate surroundings.

Dirty Diana ♠ Maybe, maybe not

August 25th, 2010
9:43 am

@Blue I just had images of Fred doing yoga and I felt like I was taking some of his stuff. Yep give Mister Blue a call that will help fight off NTO– I kid, I kid.

Leggs

August 25th, 2010
9:47 am

You broke that down nicely, Raqi.

Blue

August 25th, 2010
9:50 am

haaaaa, whatever. can change my name. not a prob

downtown chick

August 25th, 2010
9:51 am

here i am, no longer blue

2CPTG©

August 25th, 2010
9:54 am

“downtown chick”…..I’m diggin that!!!!

ummm, where at downtown…

and Slim, you still got yo flea market booth? I need you to send me some merchandise…

kimmie

August 25th, 2010
9:59 am

Good Morning!

The NTO is that stage that you get to when you are happy doing absolutely nothing together. Right around that time when true love (or not) starts to take its course.

Raqi, that says it all for me.

Say what you will about Fantasia, but I am really loving her song, Bittersweet.

Leggs

August 25th, 2010
10:03 am

@kimmie ~ it is a very nice song and I can definitely identify with it.

However, Kem’s CD is on the money! From start to finish, that CD is on fire!

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 25th, 2010
10:04 am

Good day.

NTO is alive and well. The best security is prevention. I think things get messed up because at first things are just to hot and steamy. People in relationships need to ration things out so it feels new.

Question, why do people like Rolls Royces? They like them because they are rare and you dont see them everyday. Thats how people need to be in their relationships.

Consistency breeds boredom! If she’s knows every monday after CSI: Miami that you guys have a meeting, she will get bored. To keep things, fresh, everyone should balance their own time apart so that the time together is more meaningful.

Guys particularly need to control themselves more physically. This will definatly slow NTO.

SexyCool

August 25th, 2010
10:05 am

My expectation is that anything in life has its ebbs and flows. Nothing is going to be *on* 100% of the time.

The key is realizing that it’s not the end of the world (or the relationship), it’s just the natural pattern of life.

(And ^that^ is something that I had to learn from experience.)

AmazonRed™

August 25th, 2010
10:09 am

Tapering off sucks. I’d rather something end cuz there was a fundamental flaw or problem. Not just the act of feelings not being strong enough to sustain the relationship. As we get older, we pick better, but doesn’t mean everyone you like is gonna be your long term mate. It’s just hard when nothing is really “wrong” but it’s just not “right.”

Morning all.

YESSHEISCUTE

August 25th, 2010
10:10 am

@ ℝ♥qi awww that’s sweet about your daughter

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 25th, 2010
10:11 am

@Amazon Red

You are right. It is also horrible when you are forcing it. Part of you just wants to end it. Its alot easier than pretending you are happy and interested.

blue - Expecting a Decision Today....

August 25th, 2010
10:12 am

@DD – LOL, that is a funny picture, pygmy pony doing yoga…. :lol:
@downtown chick – no worries, thanks tho, you dont want to get saddled with Fred, he has a checkered past…
@kimmie – yep, digging the song too. never been a big Fantasia fan, but she does have a few i like. tho i am confused on this whole suicide thing…
@M. – Consistency breeds boredom – consistancy, and id say predictability. keep the surprises (good ones anyway) coming.

Sassy Me...Fire n Ice :-)

August 25th, 2010
10:14 am

Say what you will about Fantasia, but I am really loving her song, Bittersweet

Yeah I like it alot,too. Saw her show on VH-1 last night and had to chage the channel for a minute when her father said what he did about her being assaulted….kinda blamed her for it and I had issues with that.

YESSHEISCUTE

August 25th, 2010
10:17 am

I think its a normal part of relationship but if you never get that “hot and steamy” that “passion and excitement”, that novelty stage….I dont know if that is normal (and yes that observation includes my passionless relationship). I think that NTO is a place for a companionship type love. When you love being around that person, respect them and admire them.

As far as a passionate relationship goes yes you can burn out fast but if you and that person are compatible, sparks will fly again and again occasionally. If you are not compatible then you just crashed and burned. Just my opinion.

Leggs

August 25th, 2010
10:18 am

I have issues with Fan Tay Tay’s suicide attempt. No doubt she was sick and tired over things that have occurred over the past 6 years. People doing her wrong, etc. What bothers me is not once does she mention if she succeeded what devastation would fall upon her daughter. Her daughter, her being a mother was not enough for her to ride out the bumps and the bruises of life as we all do. Hell with the media and hollywood. If you can’t handle the fame, get out of the game and be the mother to your little girl.

Simple Man!!!!

August 25th, 2010
10:18 am

I think I am feeling ARed on this when I get to the point that there is no “magic”, Then there is no magic… what is life without passion???

kimmie

August 25th, 2010
10:21 am

Leggs – I love Kem so imma have to check that out.

Sas – I didn’t watch the special but they played exerts of it on V103 this morning. I heard the clip with her sorry daddy. My heart went out to her. My thing is, if you as her father thought she was dressed inappropriately and that could send the wrong message to people, why would you let her leave the house that way? He’s a sleaze. I bet he has his hand out for her money too.

R♥qi

August 25th, 2010
10:24 am

Leggs, I am living it as it is all good. Just life.

kimmie, I just cannot get with Fantasia’s voice. Imma google the lyrics to see what she is singing about but her singing voice I just can’t listen to.

Mdot, darling life happens. That’s what the Natural Tapering Off is, life happening. WiseDiva didn’t use crash landing she said tapering off. That would be gliding at a steady pace or leveling out. The most comfortable times of a plane ride is once in the air and leveled and obviously after you land on level ground. But it’s during the steady pace that you get to enjoy the ride itself to the destination that you seek. There will be a little turbulence however there will also be some comforts and luxuries too. Yet that too depends who you choose to fly with. :wink:

SexyCool, Exactly.

R♥qi

August 25th, 2010
10:25 am

YESSHE, she is my baby. LOL

i'm swiss™

August 25th, 2010
10:27 am

Morning all…

On topic: Not every day is going to bring the fiya when you’re in it long term. That’s just one of the things you have to be ready to accept to be ready for a long-term relationship… and another thing you need to accept is that you need to put forth a little effort to bring the fiya on occasion to keep things going. That goes for both parties…

Off topic: Poor Elin… that child has been through “hell” (but her “hell” sure pays a lot better that most everyone else’s, that’s for d@mn sure…) :lol:

blue - Expecting a Decision Today....

August 25th, 2010
10:29 am

@Leggs – im with you, what would happen to her kid? altho, im thinking if pills were your method of choice youd load up on sleeping pills not aspirin. was she really trying to do the deed or was it a cry for attention/help?
@Raqi – ^5, you sure do have a way with words :)

DC Rose

August 25th, 2010
10:30 am

@Simple Man!!!! I think I am feeling ARed on this when I get to the point that there is no “magic”, Then there is no magic… what is life without passion???

Passion can be displayed in more ways than one. Not just through s@x. When you truly care about someone, the passion that ignites between two people, on an emotional level, is the thing that can lead to a much deeper relationship.

It's me....lurker

August 25th, 2010
10:32 am

IMO, there’s a difference in simmering and tapering. Simmer, IMO seems to be the phase where we’re settling in and hitting our stride. Tapering IMO, feels like phasing out. I don’t like “tapering.”

Fantasia voice grates on my nerves.