Off the market? Act like it!
It seems like everyone has their own code of dating ethics. It would be a lot easier if we all could follow the same set! This would come in handy when it comes to figuring out who to invest more time and energy into.
I am finding that a lot of guys I meet say they aren’t seeing anyone special but that is not the entire truth. Sometimes hey are exploring a relationship with someone else they just haven’t stop looking at other options.
It’s that whole “always looking for the better model” syndrome. I think it’s partly due to insecurity because most people do this as a defense mechanism. Do you think this is something that people ever outgrow?
I spotted my friend’s boyfriend at a restaurant and he was not acting like a guy who just asked his girl to move in with him. I always wonder how men who are in relationships” behave” when their women aren’t around.
Do you think there is a line that people just shouldn’t cross when they are supposedly in a committed relationship? Why does that line get so blurry?
I always ask men who I am seriously involved with what their definition of cheating is. I figure if we can check out each other’s perspective on what is unacceptable behavior then we already know what the expectations are.
What do you think, if you are off the market but still conduct your same “on the hunt” behavior, shouldn’t you re-think that whole “exclusive” thing altogether?
Is that a sign that they aren’t the one for you?
I
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218 comments Add your comment
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
2:46 pm
Melo – You are right, especially if it seems you’re being strung along. Life’s a beyotch sometimes though!
My friend – I was referring to my 11:18 post. I described how this guy friend messed around on his girl from day 1 courtship, thru dating and engagement and beginning of marriage. His actions didn’t change – he slept with another just days before his wedding. They didn’t last a good 2 years and divorced. His thing before was “I’m not married YET, so until then I’m free”. Only problem was, old habits are hard to break – things didn’t change after he tied the knot.
blue – Yeah HH is all about house hunting. They showcase a couple and go with them to look at houses in their city and price range and specifications. Then they choose between 3 they showed. They have another intl version too – folks looking for houses in exotic locations.
DreamsMaterialize
August 19th, 2010
2:48 pm
Putting in a bid on a house (or houses) does not make it (them) yours. You’re not off the market until you’re off the market.
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
2:50 pm
Dreams – That’s just it – some folks keep the For Sale sign out after the sale!LOL!!
czBrat
August 19th, 2010
2:50 pm
i guess the blog monster doesn’t care too much for posts from infrequent visitors.
lemme try another approach:
i saw that episode, kimmie. the followup showed little more than a bed tucked into a corner of a room that looked like a fallout shelter AFTER the bomb. i was like
but hey, at least they have a vaction home in italy. LOL
DreamsMaterialize
August 19th, 2010
2:53 pm
Why bother with girlfriends? I wondered the same thing.
kimmie there’s several reasons why athletes keep a girlfriend…they all pretty much boil down to selfishness though. Some of it is status, being able to say that you locked down the baddest chick on campus. Also, alot of times these chicks are actually really nice girls, probably the wifey type (faithful, treats him good, family loves her, strong major, smart, good grades). Athletes know this, and they’re just trying to keep her on lock until they’re ready to put the ring on her finger. I’ve seen that happen quite a few times.
blue - Put In The App On My New House!!
August 19th, 2010
2:56 pm
@kimmie – sounds interesting. may have to check it out one day. when does it come on?
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
2:56 pm
Dreams – You are right, I noticed that. They all were really nice girls, wifey types. Opposite of the ones they would be messing around with!
MELO
August 19th, 2010
2:57 pm
“I’m not married YET, so until then I’m free”
@Kimmie??
back in the day when I was in college,me and my hommies wld always say that only a suckker engages a girl..if u want to marry the girl just go ahead and marry her,why put her on a marriage notice??(by engaging).
Our collective argument then(young ofcourse) was once u engage a chic,she is now free to sling it with other jokers one or more times coz she knows shes bidding farewell, doing that for the last time.
And I do know first hand that some of my engaged friends have had very wild bachelor paries!!
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
2:57 pm
blue – It comes on about 2 or 3 times a day it seems, you should have no trouble catching it!
MELO
August 19th, 2010
2:58 pm
parties
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
3:00 pm
Melo – marriage notice = layaway! Yeah, I think you guys thought she go out on one last slingfest cause you knew you’d probably do it!
Dan - simply...
August 19th, 2010
3:02 pm
@Dreams
It isn’t just athletes….
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
3:04 pm
It isn’t just athletes….
Dan – True
czBrat
August 19th, 2010
3:04 pm
she is now free to sling it with other jokers one or more times coz she knows shes bidding farewell, doing that for the last time.
see, now it surprises me that these chicks are even considered marriage material. but that’s just my naive/judgemental pov.
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
3:06 pm
Come on Brat….Even the good girls want to go out with a bang!!! LOL
blue - Put In The App On My New House!!
August 19th, 2010
3:06 pm
@kimmie – cool, try that when im just lazing around one day…
marriage notice – layaway : now that’s funny
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
3:07 pm
see, now it surprises me that these chicks are even considered marriage material. but that’s just my naive/judgemental pov.
Brat – You and I were thinking exactly the same! Especially since he’s talked before about how a chick that was slinging it out to everybody would pretty much have to leave town to get a husband!
MELO
August 19th, 2010
3:08 pm
see, now it surprises me that these chicks are even considered marriage material. but that’s just my naive/judgemental pov.
@Czbrat…hey brat!
but there was no truth,necessarily, to what we said.
It was just what we guys figured was cool to say,to justify our arguments.
czBrat
August 19th, 2010
3:11 pm
It was just what we guys figured was cool to say,to justify our arguments.
now that’s a refreshing admission.
Dan - simply...
August 19th, 2010
3:12 pm
Brat/Kimmie
Butcher/BMW engine does not equal Mechanic/Sirloin
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
3:13 pm
@kimmie/blue ~ thanks. I take my “watch” on rearing lil leggs very seriously! She will not grow up to be a knucklehead while in my home. What she does in her adult life is on her, hopefully with some reflection on what I’ve been teaching her. We shall see.
@i’m swiss ~ thank you, sir. I will definitely need your shotgun. By the time I go through her bags at night all stores are closed. Thank you!
@Melo ~ great points!
MELO
August 19th, 2010
3:19 pm
@Kimmie??
skipping town is a true,tried and tested method,if a chic wants to get married but she figures, her rep is burnished in her home city or that the guys arent biting. I will swear to it.
If a girl thnks she aint too gone in the looks department,go to a smaller city(than Atl) get a job there..all the guys in town will be loking at the new girl..and scope a good guy with a good job/career and good rep around town….marry..and then some years later,if u still pining for Atl,convince hubby to move ur fam back here.
Ofcourse dont be quick to show him the bedroom tricks u learnt in Atl untill u engaged or married!
Let him show u instead,all the (with a k) kountry bedroom sexual moves!
blue - Put In The App On My New House!!
August 19th, 2010
3:20 pm
@melo – a dude admitting that dudes, at times, justify their behavior. wow, u deserve a pat on the back for that one…
@Leggs – knucklehead, lol. you all make me scared to head into the teen years…..
DreamsMaterialize
August 19th, 2010
3:23 pm
@Dreams
It isn’t just athletes…
Dan I know, but I only addressed athletes because kimmie’s post was about athletes and their girlfriends in college.
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
3:24 pm
@czB ~ glad you came up for some air!
MELO
August 19th, 2010
3:26 pm
a dude admitting that dudes, at times, justify their behavior
@Blue??
only in hindsight
….that was in college,remember i said so….many many maaaany moons ago.
czBrat
August 19th, 2010
3:27 pm
LOL @ Leggs. i’m being sooooo bad right now. this textbook is glaring at me with fire in it’s eyes, saying “you know we got a damn test saturday! cut that crap out and pick me up. NOW!!”
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
3:27 pm
Melo – Not too gone in the looks department – I swear you are one-of-a-kind!LOL!
Seriously though, if a guy can’t keep it in his pants while he’s dating you, a woman would have to question his ability to be faithful after they got married, if she happened to find out about his ways beforehand. Especially if the two of you are “active” with each other. You know, past behavior being an indicator of future behavior and all. The signs are there, no need in being “surprised” later.
Dan - simply...
August 19th, 2010
3:30 pm
I find myself….
Agreeing with Melo’s 3:19 post 100%.
That’s SOP for half the “from out of town girls” anywhere.
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
3:31 pm
Well gang, it’s been real but gotta go get cute! Always get excited when a new ‘do is on the horizon!
Be easy!
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
3:31 pm
@blue ~ be afraid, be very afraid. And, I am one of the fortunate ones who has a great kid!
czBrat
August 19th, 2010
3:41 pm
ciao kimmie.
i gotta get back to business.
ciao all!
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
3:42 pm
Say Leggs, where is the party this weekend??? Got a invite to this one thing but still weighing the options….
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
3:49 pm
@SimpleMan ~ not sure. GF in town from Florida and I’m going to see if I can get her to come out and hang with me. Club Echelon, The Bistro, don’t know yet. I would like a lounge place that plays great music. Do you know of a place?
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
3:51 pm
@czB ~ you need to rub your eyes, go get some water, walk away from the computer and go sit at the kitchen table and study!!
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
3:53 pm
Leggs, going to try to do Fernbank on Friday ( Live salsa band!! great for dancing)..and My brother is having a birthday party at Ambience (sp) on saturday….
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
3:56 pm
I almost gave myself a b-day party at Ambience. Cool place, but staff need to participate in a customer service focus group.
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
3:58 pm
LOL…never been before so I will give it a go and see whats up…
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
4:03 pm
Do you know what you’re going wear…I can come up to you and introduce myself if I should wind up there.
Melo has a funny take on that place. He won’t party there because it’s on the busline and the busline pretty much transports rif raff who can’t afford a car. The logic is well, it’s Melo (LOLOLOL).
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
4:08 pm
Not sure what I be sporting…But i will look in the “Good”
closet tonight and let you know 2morrow
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
4:09 pm
BTW Leggs, whatever happens, don’t try and take me home!!! LOL
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
4:11 pm
No promises, I may decide to be extremely bad that night!
blue - They Like Our App!!
August 19th, 2010
4:12 pm
@melo – lol, yes indeed, hindsight is 20/20 they say. cant imagine a 20something dude admitting that one!
@Leggs – i have oblivious boy, a diva girl, and a no nonesense girl….the next few years oughta be interesting….
MELO
August 19th, 2010
4:13 pm
@Leggs!….because it’s on the busline and the busline pretty much transports rif raff
LOL @Leggs!…I dont remember all the stuff I say but when iam reminded of it ,the logic of it is Vintage me!
blue - They Like Our App!!
August 19th, 2010
4:17 pm
headin to the homestead, read yall tomorrow! keep your fingers crossed, they like our App!!! woohooo!!
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
4:18 pm
@blue ~ GREAT. They like your app. That’s a start.
You may have nothing to worry about, because your “no nonsense” girl will put everyone else in check.
@Melo ~ you said it! When I said I have a friend who parties via busline, and she and her boyfriend met me at Hairston’s the night of my big party you said that’s why you don’t want to party at Ambience. I can’t even imagine not having a car let alone dating a man w/o a car!
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
4:20 pm
Note to self…make sure I am supa dupa fly just in case Leggs wants to be really bad this weekend!!!
MELO
August 19th, 2010
4:20 pm
@Leggs??
Is Ambience the one spot on memorial dv,on the left as u head east??
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
4:21 pm
Good luck Blue!!!
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
4:22 pm
Yes it is, Melo.