Off the market? Act like it!
It seems like everyone has their own code of dating ethics. It would be a lot easier if we all could follow the same set! This would come in handy when it comes to figuring out who to invest more time and energy into.
I am finding that a lot of guys I meet say they aren’t seeing anyone special but that is not the entire truth. Sometimes hey are exploring a relationship with someone else they just haven’t stop looking at other options.
It’s that whole “always looking for the better model” syndrome. I think it’s partly due to insecurity because most people do this as a defense mechanism. Do you think this is something that people ever outgrow?
I spotted my friend’s boyfriend at a restaurant and he was not acting like a guy who just asked his girl to move in with him. I always wonder how men who are in relationships” behave” when their women aren’t around.
Do you think there is a line that people just shouldn’t cross when they are supposedly in a committed relationship? Why does that line get so blurry?
I always ask men who I am seriously involved with what their definition of cheating is. I figure if we can check out each other’s perspective on what is unacceptable behavior then we already know what the expectations are.
What do you think, if you are off the market but still conduct your same “on the hunt” behavior, shouldn’t you re-think that whole “exclusive” thing altogether?
Is that a sign that they aren’t the one for you?
I
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
218 comments Add your comment
Sassy Me...Walking by faith,not sight :-)
August 19th, 2010
12:03 pm
getting a new guy to do something that her current guy or guys arent doing like take her out and let her feel like she is in demand; she will….
M dot regardless of what you say about women…the same can go for men…TRUST. Just like your afore mentioned point above and the earlier part of said post, men,too are looking for the upgrade and the ego stroking….especially the ego stroking cause we all know how glassy,tender and down right fragile the male ego can be. I know you know of some of your male counterparts who has the 80/20 syndrome….got the bird in the hand but still tryna get the two in the bush….plain greedy. It’s out there….and no I don’t need you to cosign or agree cause it is what it is….TRUST SON
Sassy Me...Walking by faith,not sight :-)
August 19th, 2010
12:04 pm
Dirty Di-anaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa what it do mamita!?
PrincessNik
August 19th, 2010
12:06 pm
Dirty D
i didn’t say it wasn’t true
it just made me laugh the way you put it 
blue - Put In The App On My New House!!
August 19th, 2010
12:08 pm
Hey DD!
@Kym – Thanx!! Keeping my fingers crossed
!
Kym-All I Do is Win
August 19th, 2010
12:08 pm
What gets to me is that words that use to mean one thing in dating..now have totally different meanings. For example, the boy has express that he would like to date. I said, you can date when you have money to date.
The Boy: “Mom, You don’t need money to go out.”
Mom: “Where are you going with no money?”
The Boy: “Nowhere..we just going out.”
Mom: “Out where”?
The Boy:(sigh)giving me this old lady is slow as heck look.. “NOWHERE..we just going out.”
Mom: (sigh) giving him the I will slap you in the middle of next week and meet you on Thursday just to slap you again look.– “Boy, that makes no sense..how are you going out with someone and you are not going anywhere?”
The Boy: “Nevermind”(insert eyeroll here)
Ladies and Gentleman I give to you the future..
Dan - simply...
August 19th, 2010
12:09 pm
@Kym – It wasn’t British twas Dade Couty -RAWSE!!
@Kimmie – a difference with a distinction.
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
12:09 pm
Sassy Me… @ 12:03
Why do women think that males have egos that are that kinda fragile???? I know there are some frail dudes out there, but most guys I know are proud but they don’t have soft egos….
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
12:10 pm
Sassssssssssssssssssssssssy! I am just chilling getting my rest end, so I can crank it up this weekend. Shoot I agree with your 12:03 men like to get pumped up too. As for that talk about eating out, I hate seeing brothers spending their light bill/child support/student loan/car note/late payment on the house note trying to impress me. At the end of the day, we all no everyone for the most part is messing with someone (that doesn’t mean sexually), but most folks have some contenders out there.
I just checked my phone and I have quite a few…I am no exception. Once you get to know someone the “cream will rise to the top,” and you cut out the BS. Until that time comes it is all a game
Game of Life.
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
12:11 pm
i didn’t say it wasn’t true it just made me laugh the way you put it
@PK,
Well I did my job, you know I deliever the truth with a dash or comedy and sarcasm
always the truth.
SexyCool
August 19th, 2010
12:12 pm
My personal measure for knowing that I am truly off the market has always been at the point that I tell everyone that I have a significant other.
And when I mean everyone, I mean the guy that I’ve dated casually and would get the occasional phone call/text from every few weeks or any random super cute dude that I meet while out and about.
Oh…and when I stop giving or taking contact information to guys that I meet.
blue - Put In The App On My New House!!
August 19th, 2010
12:16 pm
@Kym – lmao…is that what its like having teenagers?
i find the question abut people outgrowing the “always looking for the better model” syndrome interesting…im not sure that they do. so many folks these days married forever splitting up over the “something better” theyve found along the way
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
12:21 pm
Princess – I don’t think folks should assume one doesn’t care about something because they didn’t ask either though. That’s why one should never assume.
I was burned by this myself. I mentioned before about this guy I dated that did not tell me after dating about a year that he had a 4 year old daughter. We met thru some cousins of mine and I had been over to his place many times and there were just no signs. Men I’ve dated with kids in the past tell me upfront they have kids, no big deal. The child wasn’t concieved while we were dating, so why the big secret? He said he had no relationship with the child, just sent a child support check.
I found out thru word of mouth about the child. When I inquired why he didn’t tell me, he said “You didn’t ask”.
Sassy Me...Walking by faith,not sight :-)
August 19th, 2010
12:22 pm
giving him the I will slap you in the middle of next week and meet you on Thursday just to slap you again look.–
Kym that look stilll works on me til this day…you took me back with that one
Why do women think that males have egos that are that kinda fragile????
Simple I think that b/c that’s what I’ve seen/experience and that’s really all I can speak on…my experiences. Maybe that brush stroke seemed kinda broad and I didn’t say it with the intent of meaning ALL men have fragile egos…I just know of a few that do and the things that gets their panties in a bunch.
At the end of the day, we all no everyone for the most part is messing with someone (that doesn’t mean sexually), but most folks have some contenders out there.
For real right Dianaaaaaa?…that’s pretty much the bottom line. Whatchu got poppin off this weekend?
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
12:22 pm
@blue ~ congratulations!
@Kym ~ just the opposite for me. Lil leggs asked if she could borrow $20 to go to the movies with this boy and he’ll pay me back later. All I said, “oh no, we are not going to start this.” If he can’t afford to take you to the movies, then you don’t need to go!” Crazy!
Kym-All I Do is Win
August 19th, 2010
12:22 pm
@blue..YES! Apparently this going out..consist of calling or texting and high-fiving in the halls at school(no kissing, hugs, etc.. on school property) or meeting up at school events(football games, cookouts, bake sales or whateva)
Kym-All I Do is Win
August 19th, 2010
12:26 pm
@Leggs..seeee..Foolishness!!! If the girl broke and he broke where in the same heck are they going? Just going Out.. out to your fridge. out his mom fridge. out to your sofa..out to his mama sofa. If he has no job..then how he gonna pay you back? I swear..
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
12:29 pm
Kym – SO’s kids had us rolling with the “going out” thing just the other day! They are 8 & 10 mind you. The boy, 10, was talking about how one of his buddies was “going out” with this little girl at school. His daughter, 8, was like “yeah, they’re dating”!LOL!!
PrincessNik
August 19th, 2010
12:29 pm
Kimmie i was referring to the situations where it was ‘right there’ and you knew it could be an issue but you (not u, but general u) chose to ignore it thinking it would go away or whatever…..
blue - Put In The App On My New House!!
August 19th, 2010
12:35 pm
@Leggs – “he’ll” pay you back later, so wait, she’s borrowing money from her mom for him so he can take her out? um…..k
@Kym/Leggs – scary. i aint ready. the boy turns 12 in October, im quick to tell him now that i will beat him black and blu with his own arm if he doesnt quit the nonesense, i aint ready…
2CPTG©
August 19th, 2010
12:36 pm
’sup y’all…
Trust, when a dude finds that right one, he’ll act right; in and out of her presence.
PrincessNik
August 19th, 2010
12:36 pm
i will beat him black and blu with his own arm
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
12:37 pm
For real right Dianaaaaaa?…that’s pretty much the bottom line. Whatchu got poppin off this weekend?
Sasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy,
I have some top secret adventures that involves top shelf liquor this weekend.
You already know how I get down. I feel like getting out putting on some clotes and looking good for ATL.
Sassy Me...Walking by faith,not sight :-)
August 19th, 2010
12:38 pm
The boy, 10, was talking about how one of his buddies was “going out” with this little girl at school. His daughter, 8, was like “yeah, they’re dating”!LOL!!
Awwww then…that’s kinda cute.
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
12:43 pm
Princess – Your 12:29 – Yep!
i'm swiss™
August 19th, 2010
12:44 pm
“The boy, 10, was talking about how one of his buddies was “going out” with this little girl at school.”
kimmie —
Yeah, we used to call it “going with” when I was a kid. I always wondered, “where the heck are we going?” Not sure if that was just a country thing, or what…
i'm swiss™
August 19th, 2010
12:45 pm
… now “
cummingcoming with” I could understand…kimmie
August 19th, 2010
12:49 pm
Swiss – We used to call it “going with” too or “talking”!
PrincessNik
August 19th, 2010
12:50 pm
Swiss it was “going with” where i’m from also. As in “i go with Alex, he’s my boyfriend”
disclaimer: alex was just the first name that came to mind
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
12:50 pm
@blue ~ exactly. I had to tell her right then and there you don’t borrow money for any boy to take you out. She actually rolled her eyes then said, “well, I said he was going to pay you back.” She doesn’t understand a pattern she may be starting. If the boy doesn’t have money to take you out, then you don’t go out. YOU don’t borrow to make it happen. Hell, neither one of you are working. Whatcha gonna pay me back with, a peanut butter sandwich!
Sassy Me...Walking by faith,not sight :-)
August 19th, 2010
12:51 pm
Not sure if that was just a country thing, or what…
Naw it wasn’t just a country thing Swissie…
Dianaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa don’t hurt ‘em. I was thinking about going downtown to Wanda’s Playhouse with my gurlz to see some male skrippas…still undecided though…
PrincessNik
August 19th, 2010
12:51 pm
Kimmie! i still say “talking” i use that in the early, getting to know each other stages LOL
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
12:52 pm
@i’m swiss ~ we said the same thing back home.
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
12:52 pm
I meant to say this regarding the topic. Sometimes it is best for your own safety and the safety of your property and possessions to tell your status (good, bad and ugly). I received a complaint one time regarding from an associate’s SO. This was a same sex couple (that doesn’t make a difference), but the lady got caught cheating. Well she gave us some profound allegations that had to be investigated illegal drug use, misuse of company property (pictures and cell images) and falsification. She also called the lender since her SO was behind on her SUV note…she was hiding the car so the repo would not get it (she told them the hiding spot), she called IRS, DFACS and the school the children were going to out of district. When it was all said and done the lady lost her job, SUV was repo’ed, the kids kicked out of school to the right school, DFACS snooping around and the IRS hounding her. The last I heard she had to move back home to FL. Her ol’ lady got her back for not telling her status. She was out here saying she was single and not claiming the relationship…sometimes its best to say you want an open relationship.
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
12:54 pm
Leggs – I’m still tripping on lil dude wanting to borrow money to take lil Leggs out! SMH.
See that’s how it starts. Flash forward 10 years he’ll be like some of these dudes now, whining about how none of the women he meets wants to pay for dates! LOL!!
PrincessNik
August 19th, 2010
12:54 pm
Diana
woooooow
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
12:55 pm
We said going with too.
@Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy
If Purple is not stripping for me I really don’t do strippers. Shoot I am not putting my hard earned money in his g-string. Maybe I need to check it out again to see, maybe I will have a new mindset.
PrincessNik
August 19th, 2010
12:55 pm
Leggs I wonder if he asked his momma and she said i aint giving you no ______ money, go ask that gal mama for some money
, i could see that happening
i'm swiss™
August 19th, 2010
12:56 pm
Okay, and how many times did you all send and/or receive this note:
Will you go with me? Check one:
Yes
No
Maybe
i'm swiss™
August 19th, 2010
12:57 pm
Maybe = Emergency Booty Call Only, by the way…
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
12:58 pm
@DirtyD ~ lesbians do not play when it comes to their mate. They will kick arse in a heartbeat. However, that was very spiteful of her to do all that.
Simple Man!!!!
August 19th, 2010
12:59 pm
Dirty Diana ♠ @ 12:52 Sounds to me like they had some shyt going on that was on another level!!!!
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
12:59 pm
PK,
It was like wow for real, and ol’ girl had everything documented…pictures, video images, and copies of documents that she sent to me in a certified letter ( I did not request this information) and she called on the phone to give more details. Apparently she did this to all of the agencies…I heard DFACS received pictures of her smoking weed and talking crazy drinking and spanking the kids.
We were all
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
1:03 pm
@kimmie ~ I’m still tripping to!! Also, that she was so eager to do it!
@PrincessNik ~ I can see that too! Just crazy. I believe she was a bit miffed w/me because I said she doesn’t borrow $$ for a boy to take her out (even if he has a job and says he’ll pay it back) in front of her father. I was floored!
Leggs
August 19th, 2010
1:04 pm
@i’m swiss ~ just last night I found the exact same note in her bag. Yep, I go through it when she least expects me to!
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
1:05 pm
@Simple Man our associate was fairly young at the time no more than 25. You know plenty of people lie about their address so their kids can go to another school (better school). The misuse of company property was nothing major…old girl would wear our uniforms like they were her own damn clothes. Pics were taken of her with time/date stamps and she was drinking a beer in one of the pics (bad for our company logo and rep). Drinking liquor was no crime as long as she did not come to work like that, and the weed allegations were out there, but hey I know a man with an Ivy education that still lights it up. When I looked at everything I was like this is nothing, but they were BIG things that violated rules and policies.
She got revenge on her…that is not my style to go to there like that, but my heart still goes out to her for losing everything like that….
LURKER-1
August 19th, 2010
1:05 pm
Melo, r u still having problems with viruses on your desktop???
i'm swiss™
August 19th, 2010
1:06 pm
Dirty D — Yeah, that was pretty crazy, but uh… That’s nothing new to us guys. You know how you always hear us talking about being on the lookout for signs “crazy?” Well, that chick pretty much sums it up. Just happened to be another chick she unleashed the “crazy” on, but otherwise, nothing particularly unique. Some of y’all are downright vicious!
M. (pronouced M dot)
August 19th, 2010
1:08 pm
@Sassy Me
Thats really a corny argument on your part, (deflecting everything back on guys) “If men can do it we can do it to lol”. You are generalizing and forgetting we live in a feminist society anyway, therefore guys are constantly being thrown under the bus with arguments like 80/20, bird and the bush etc.
I was saying that women often get a pass like they arent doing anything when they are the ones that are slicker than oil.
Remember women have guys coming at them day in day out so they can choose who they want to date, marry, and cheat with.
Guys have to put in alot of work to step out and nothing is guranteed.
Women always have the option to step out on their man and some will utilize it.
Trust youngn’!
kimmie
August 19th, 2010
1:09 pm
Leggs – See back in the day, even if guy borrowed money to take a lady out, she wouldn’t have known about it. He’d have gone to his dad or brother or a buddy. He would have been too proud to even let her know he borrowed it. I got 4 brothers, I know.
I don’t know how these kids are being raised today! No wonder some of them turn out to be messed up adults!
Dirty Diana ♠ The Number Runner
August 19th, 2010
1:11 pm
@Swiss you just really made me think in that post. I’ve heard men tallk about crazy women all of my life even the guy in HS that GF messed up all his books because they shared lockers…he had to pay for the books (I digress). You know, I would laugh and say, “What did you do?” The thing is that is CRAZY, even if you get cheated on why would you go crazy like that and destroy a person. And, to hear you say that is not unique I feel sorry for the guys/gals that have to endure this vicious mess…it is CRAZY.