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Is your career affecting your love life?

So I have been a little stressed and overworked lately. Turns out, when I am super stressed out I am a total nightmare to be around. I know, shocking. I have been stressed before but I didn’t think I really let it impact my love life.

In the past, I would always be able to balance work/career pretty well. Well, not this time, my friends. I actually sent a text message to my guy of interest last week that said “I really don’t feel like being around people right now. I will let you know when I am.” Seriously, who does that!?

I had to call and apologize because that was a clear example of a woman not in her right mind. Sometimes stress and work makes your love life take a nosedive. It’s particularly awful when it was already the pits!

How do you single and professional people do it? When you feel stressed out, is that when you try to date more to distract you?

When you are under a tremendous amount of pressure, do you let your date know or do you pretend it’s all good until the date is over?

Should you take a break from dating until you get some sense of normalcy back in your work life?

I need tips, people! I can’t even be trusted with text messages right now!

248 comments Add your comment

blue

August 18th, 2010
8:47 am

i think im first!!!

GM everybody!!

Simple Man!!!

August 18th, 2010
8:54 am

Hey blue… hope you are having a wonderful morning! :)

blue

August 18th, 2010
8:59 am

doing ok here, mr.Simple Man, hows ur morning going?. im in the mood to play a practical joke, just got to pick a target…. :lol:

Simple Man!!!

August 18th, 2010
9:03 am

Always down for a good pratical joke!!!

Simple Man!!!

August 18th, 2010
9:11 am

On todays topic….. I work in a moderatly high pressure office and I find that as the pressure goes up, I become an even better date…I make an effort to ensure that there is balance in my life and when it gets rough at the office (and sometimes its Supa-dupa rough) I need to take the extra steps to relax on my down time…thats means nicer palces to eat, or an over-the-top weekend getaway for me and the lady of the day!

DreamsMaterialize

August 18th, 2010
9:15 am

Morning
When you are under a tremendous amount of pressure, do you let your date know or do you pretend it’s all good until the date is over?
My date would never know I’m under any pressure. I make sure my personal issues don’t affect my interactions with other people. After all, they’re my issues…no one else should have to be burdened by them but me. Everyone is different though, and it may be harder for some to separate. If that’s you, then you just need to stay out of the dating game…there’s enough craziness there already.

blue

August 18th, 2010
9:18 am

lets see, on topic, not really single but have still found work affecting my love life. not where i am now, relatively low pressure here, but the last position was Hella Crazy (kinda liked it tho, lol). there were times where i was still in office 8,9, 10pm. Coming in on weekends, bringing work home, the whole bit. would often have mr.blue trying to make plans or be spontaneous and me going “cant, got a deadline”, “cant, got a work event to go to”. put a real damper on things, and hit the point where he kinda stopped putting the effort out cause he felt with my schedule there was no point. led to a bit of a disconnect. even when i was home and actually not working, i was too wiped to really do much. when i started where i am now hes like “maybe you can leave work at work now”. funny, but sad too.

abc

August 18th, 2010
9:22 am

Learn to leave work at work. It will still be there tomorrow. Even if work fails miserably, the sun will still rise tomorrow, and you’ll still wake up — don’t let your career define you so much. If you need something external to define who and what you are, let your relationships define you.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
9:36 am

Hola!

For the most part my life is divided into “compartments.” I am fine with that, and as I navigate in/out of those compartments I leave “work” in the “work” compartment. I do not check my phone at dinner as if the organization will fall apart, or my students will fail to master a concept if I am not at their beckoning call. Even when I run my own little small business I do not monitor each and every detail when I am away.

I think most of you know enough about me to draw a dangerous and inaccurate conclusion about my work. I am a complex person with above average abilities, therefore I wear many hats. The key is this know which hat you are wearing whether it is GF, BFF, sister, cousin, niece, aunt, employer, employee, business owner, professor consumer, or seller and stay in that lane. Once you leave that lane leave that hat there until you return. Work/life balance is key…I strive for that and those around me in my circle will tell you when we are face-to-face my attention is on them; not at some job etc.

CoolShadow

August 18th, 2010
9:36 am

How do you single and professional people do it? When you feel stressed out, is that when you try to date more to distract you?

You could date more as a distraction but the onus is on the stressed-out individual to seek relief rather than rely on someone to do it for you.

When you are under a tremendous amount of pressure, do you let your date know or do you pretend it’s all good until the date is over?

I tend to compartmentalize work and social life so I won’t usually bring up my work and associated politics in a social setting unless I’m asked about it. If you have that kind of established communication that’s fine but I wouldn’t recommend that to be a first date topic. You don’t want come off looking one-dimensional.

Should you take a break from dating until you get some sense of normalcy back in your work life?

If your work schedule is encroaching on your social time and the stress just turns you in a cranky monster that people don’t want to be around, then maybe you need to sit on the sidelines until things cool down.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
9:38 am

Wassup blue, DreamsM and Simple man I hope you all are having a Terrific Tuesday!

YESSHEISCUTE

August 18th, 2010
9:42 am

I tell my bf straight out…I’m stressed out and stuff so take your ginseng and make me feel better. That way he won’t have to deal with me “not in my right mind” so to speak. hehehe

Simple Man!!!

August 18th, 2010
9:42 am

DD….Whats good sweetness???

DCRose

August 18th, 2010
9:46 am

GM All.

When I’m under a lot of stress, I tend to go underground. I don’t like sharing that part of myself. I’ve never met a single person that can handle it. They all tend to think that venting is asking them to solve the problem. If I ask for an opinion, I listen to the answer and weigh my options. But for the most part I smile brighter, am overly polite and have one liners that make me giggle.

Work stress ~ stays at work. I give myself 30 mins or so (usually the ride home)to shake it off. I have so much more in my life that work is and will remain, a way to earn a living and support my life style.

So no, I’m not in the mood to date.

PrincessNik

August 18th, 2010
9:46 am

YESSHEISCUTE

Same here, I say work was rough today/this week and I need to relieve some stress
:)

Good Morning! Hey DirtyD! Hey Blue!

blue

August 18th, 2010
9:47 am

Hola DD, you say Terrific Tuesday, its Wacky Wednesday! u made me do a double take and check my calendar… sure enuf had me scared that i had another 3 days in this place instead of 2! lol

DCRose

August 18th, 2010
9:48 am

So no, I’m not in the mood to date.

Oops, meant add – new people.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
9:48 am

Tips to balancing work:

1. Have someone you can trust to discuss work with if needed that understands your field and the frustrations. I have found people in my profession will understand, and often provide me with tips on how to overcome certain barriers at work. If this tip fails it might be time to see a therapist, so that you can add more coping skills to your life.

2. If this is just a busy cycle at work, let your dates, SO and friends know that “the third quarter of the year is stressful at my job, and I will not have a lot of free time.”

3. Do not plan long outings if you are “stressing” maybe a quick drink will due, instead of dinner and drinks. Sign up for “Massage Envy” that is a cheap way to relax after work, and meet your friends for drinks or a light dinner once you leave.

4. Find a way to de-stress write in your journal, drink some hot tea, do a little blogging, but the key is to find those simple things you enjoy this rejuvenates the soul.

5. Exercising does it for me. I do not like working out that much, but a nice brisk walk around a lake or a pond does it for me. I can clear my head and the water is rejuvenating.

6. Leave work at work, and realize what a “win” is…sometimes making it through five conference calls and getting your reports out on time is a win; even if you delegated the rest of the task on your desk. I believe in delegating, and allowing my associates to step up when times are tough…doing this frees up my time and takes stress off of me.

That is all folks, I will have to charge for the rest :wink:

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
9:51 am

@Simple Man…I am perky and enjoying my day, even with this nagging sore throat (melo don’t say anything nasty now).

@blue, damn it is Tuesday…hahahaha I was checking to see if you all were reading and paying attending. SIKE LOL

@PK wassup chica! I know you are probably stressed at work with the school year just starting.

blue

August 18th, 2010
9:51 am

@YESSHEISCUTE – I’m stressed out and stuff so take your ginseng and make me feel better – :) i like it!!
@Princess – heyyy Lady!!

PrincessNik

August 18th, 2010
9:52 am

Find a way to de-stress write in your journal, drink some hot tea, do a little blogging, but the key is to find those simple things you enjoy this rejuvenates the soul.

Dirty D

I definately agree with this just the other night I had a candlelight bubble bath with a glass of wine and some soft music after I put little mama to bed. I needed to decompress after surviving the most hectic opening week of school in a loooong time.

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 18th, 2010
9:57 am

Wednesday

“When you are under a tremendous amount of pressure, do you let your date know or do you pretend it’s all good until the date is over?”

There is pressure all around but everyone is adults and we have to not use these things as excuses to fly off the handle. When there is alot of pressure, we usually just have to readjust our priorities. Also alot of stress is usually a good indication that we are trying to do to much and also venturing out of our lane.

“Should you take a break from dating until you get some sense of normalcy back in your work life?”

You either should take a break or they will take a break from you. Dating should be fun not a therapy session. Also ladies, Guys like peace; therefore if you two are dating and its a miserable mess, it wont be to long before he charges you to the game anyway. I was dealing with a woman who was really stressed at work and at first I tried to be supportive, but after a while there was nothing I can do and I wasnt hearing from her so I had to cut her loose.

Also a quote I made up;

“Most people really arent that busy; they just have horrible time management skills”

blue

August 18th, 2010
10:03 am

@DD – LOL
@Princess@DD – i agree with having to find a way to de-stress. that is crucial to keeping any relationship alive, not just romantic, cause lets face it, friends will get tired of you stressing them out too! not much into the whole bubble bath thing, and my mom keeps buying me journals that i cant bring myself to write in. another thing that makes me one of the guys amongst our friends – a day at the gun range or a video game where i can blow things up works wonders for me :)

kimmie

August 18th, 2010
10:03 am

Good morning lovely persons!

I am blessed to have a pretty wonderful job right now. So even when its “stressed” it’s really not, just busy at times like any other business. When you are doing something you actually like, busy times can be what I would call “good stress”. I actually perform better under pressure, always have, even in college. I was the “cram queeen” though I wouldn’t recommend such bad study habits to anyone. I knew when I could pull it off and when I had to plan better. Same as in the work world now.

Now guess what my biggest work-related stress is? MY COMMUTE! Somedays I actually want to cry. I have pulled off and just gone to the movies on a few occasions. Or stopped and gone shopping. Some days it just gets to be too much. Even music, radio shows or books on cd’s don’t help sometimes. That’s when I have to count my blessings and be thankful I have a job that is worth such a sacrifice. If it was convienient I would ride the train, but I am a manager and need my car sometimes during the day. If there was a helicopter I could take from College Park to Alpharetta, I would pay the price to ride it M-F!

SexyCool

August 18th, 2010
10:05 am

I would only advocate taking a break from dating (or at least putting it on the back burner) if there was no one that you were particularly interested in.

If you have begun seeing someone who peaks your interest enough to explore past a casual dating relationship, you should work to find a balance.

PrincessNik

August 18th, 2010
10:09 am

Blue, I have empty journals around too i end up using em as not pads or for to do lists LOL. As for the bubble bath, there is just something relaxing about that hot water relaxing your muscles (esp when your so is working 6 days a week 12 to 14 hr days at the same time as your busy season at work ;) ) I have always wanted to visit the gun range! It’s on my bucket list

Raqi

August 18th, 2010
10:11 am

PrincessNik

August 18th, 2010
10:12 am

Raqi

for the better or for the worse?

kimmie

August 18th, 2010
10:12 am

SCool – You are right, if the relationship means anything to you, you will work to find a balance.

Right now my SO is working on a huge project that is requiring 10 hour days plus weekends. It is a challenge, but only for a few more weeks. He destresses by working out, chilling with me with some wine & a good movie or playing video games with his kids. We’ve gone thru these crazy “projects” before. And you have to find a way to destress yourself cause these jobs DO NOT CARE. They are all about getting the work done. It was one case he was working on where the managing partner said he didn’t even care if you had kids. You better get your family or a neighbor to take care of them! :(

Trevor0529

August 18th, 2010
10:13 am

Good Morning,

Every day work does not stress me out. I love what I do. Its the people I work with who can’t handle their own stress and decide to share their stress with me is what I don’t care for.

The only thing that stresses me out now is school and trying to find some semblence of a social life has been challenging.

Another good way to relieve stress is laughter. Find your favorite comedy show or movie and just laugh.

Kym

August 18th, 2010
10:14 am

Good Morning All,

When I am stressed out or under deadlines..I tune out everything else and focus on making that deadline. My work doesn’t come home with me alot..but my job is pretty stressful..with no sign of really letting up. I believe we all know our limitations so Wisey if you know that you are not able to focus on dating while dealing with work pressures..then I say don’t subject someone to your wackiness until you are able to come back to the middle. BUT that doesn’t mean you get a pass on taking care of yourself..finding a outlet for the stress is a great idea..and you can do that without “being around people”. Take some me time..if you enjoy reading- pick a funny book or watch a funny movie. Laughter is a great stress reliever.

kimmie

August 18th, 2010
10:14 am

If you are in a relationship, how you and your partner handle job stress is a good indicator of how they will handle other stresses that are sure to come in life. If the world comes to an end because THEY are under stress but they can’t seem to work with YOU when you have to deal with it, take note.

Leggs

August 18th, 2010
10:14 am

Good morning!

“I really don’t feel like being around people right now. I will let you know when I am.” I don’t think anyone would take kindly to receiving a text like this. They would probably read it 2-3x getting pissed with each reading. Then, mumble “hell, you don’t have to worry about letting me know when you’re ready.” You have effectively moved your ownself into a different category in their mind.

I’m not stressed often, but when stressed it’s rarely over work. I turn the music on, light some candles and grab a glass of wine. I will sit still for about 30 mins. before doing whatever needs to be done for the rest of the evening. It’s rare I bring work home w/me (mental work, that is).

I don’t get bogged down with traffic either. As long as I have my music, I good to go!

Simple Man!!!

August 18th, 2010
10:16 am

YESSHEISCUTE @9:42

Funny you should say that….I have a current “friend” that has that approach, and whenever she calls, I am ALWAY down, and we Put in work when she does, but the truth is, its never really all that satisfying….We get off, But we could have played one on one and gotten to the same place.

Leggs

August 18th, 2010
10:16 am

I’m good to go…

For Real (I guess I shouldn't ate those eggs)

August 18th, 2010
10:23 am

Wise: “When you are under a tremendous amount of pressure, do you let your date know or do you pretend it’s all good until the date is over?” – This is the problem with letting your emotions control you. Why would a dude stay interested in a chick that can’t control job related stress? If a chick can’t control the stress at work how can she handle a dude in a relationship on top of her job?

Tips to handle stress at work when you can’t drink:

1. Knock one off before every meeting and DO NOT wash your hand, then make sure you shakkkkk.. sorry about that sticky keyboard anyway…. then you shake everyones hand.

Mrs. Tazzee

August 18th, 2010
10:24 am

For me there’s a difference between being stressed at work and working long hours. When it’s just a busy, stressful day and I get to leave at a decent hour – I leave it at work, no problem. It does not affect my love life.

Long hours definitely affect my love life, if I’m gone from the house for 12+ hours it cuts into our time. I find myself having to choose between QT with the hubby, working out and sleep. Most times sleep is what suffers and after so many days of that, I can get cranky.

Now when I have a 12+ hour day at the job AND it’s stressful then I want to go home and just get in the bed and try again the next day. When I work late, my commute is shorter so the 15 minute ride home may not be enough time to ’shake it off’ and get in wife mode.

The good part about it is, when I want to just get in bed – I want to just get in bed and cuddle up with my hubby. He likes that.

blue

August 18th, 2010
10:25 am

@Princess – yep, they end up as my note pads when on important calls, lol. not what mom intended but oh well, they sure are pretty tho!
first tried the gun range about 4-5 years ago, was a bit nervous at first, but once i fired the first shot, its been smooth sailing. its addictive, so set your budget b4 you go in. b4 you know it you’ll have spent a fortune in ammo and paper targets, lol. one of the things i love most tho is watching the guys give me that “yeah right” look, cause ive got my nails and all done, and then get the 8O look when i load my own weapon and empty it smooth, shoot a better target than they do…hilarious!

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
10:26 am

I had a candlelight bubble bath with a glass of wine and some soft music

@PK, you hit the nail on the head…we need to make an addendum to the list and add that one on, and if you don’t like wine put some kool-aid in the wine glass…LOL. That is a good one!!!!!

blue

August 18th, 2010
10:26 am

@kimmie – ouch. good to keep in mind that most employers dont care what their demands do to you as a person or to your personal life. once when mr.blue was still active duty, they kept putting him on 24 hour duty back to back, did 4 24 hours shifts in 6 days. when he complained to CO that he wasnt getting to see his family, CO says “if you were meant to have a wife or kids, we would have issued them to you in supply. Tough sh!t”.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
10:31 am

@blue I love the gun range…I will blow off some steam there in a heart beat. Boy I used to go a lot, but the $$$ I was spending on bullets was crazy.

@M. dot you damn right on your quote

Also a quote I made up;

“Most people really arent that busy; they just have horrible time management skills”

@Trevor you are dead on the money loving what you do and finding something to laugh about.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
10:33 am

@kimmie I knew a manager that used to tell his associates that he hired them and not their kids, so he did not want to hear that Betty is sick, or little Johnny has a cold.

As for your commute, does your job offers flex time? I know this helps a lot when you don’t have to worry about “clocking in” at 8 o’clock on the dot.

PrincessNik

August 18th, 2010
10:34 am

Blue

I tell my co-workers all the time don’t “kill” yourself for a job or neglect your family because if and when something happens to you someone else will be sitting at that “desk/post” and all they are going to do is bring your family a bucket of chicken and send a flower and keep on moving.

blue

August 18th, 2010
10:34 am

@Trevor – humor is a MUST. my fam knows a day when they cant get a joke or a laugh out of me, is a dark day indeed. i find sometimes making myself laugh (at appropriate times of course, lol) even when im not exactly feeling it, helps improve my mood. i guess scientists would say something about it releasing endorphines or something, lol…..

kimmie

August 18th, 2010
10:34 am

blue – See what I mean? And it doesn’t matter the industry either. I remember Lela Rochon talking about that when she had to do a movie and was pregnant. She said those directors really didn’t care if you were pregnant or not, they had a movie to make.

kimmie

August 18th, 2010
10:38 am

DD – Yes we have flex time and since I’m a manager I have a lot of flexibility, so I don’t have to worry about punching a clock. And the morning is okay really. It’s mainly the evening that I have issue with.

blue

August 18th, 2010
10:48 am

@DD – ^5, and they sure will keep just adding boxes on for you too, “how are those .45s doing? you need another box? no problem!” try to check out and go 8O at the bill.
@Princess – d@mn, not even a whole bouquet, A flower….is it at least good chicken?
@kimmie – yeah, there are very few employers, ime anyway, that treat their employees as people and not property. with that principal in mind, the employEE has to learn to seperate work from the rest of their life. will admit tho, for workaholics like me, can at times be easier said than done

It's me....lurker

August 18th, 2010
10:53 am

What goes does it for a person to shut down one part of life because of another area or part? IMO, growth comes from learning to do or sustain in areas that are not comfortable. So you had a stressful day and a hot date lined up for the night. Deal with it, shake it off. Who wants to deal with or wait for someone to come of whatever funk their in.

PrincessNik

August 18th, 2010
10:54 am

Blue LMBO maybe I should say a “plant”, and the chicken is probably from Wally or Churchs

When my uncle passed i was like if these people bring one mo box of churchs chicken through that dooor!!!!!!

Now when my dad passed, those old school women was bringing us homemade meals and cakes etc…, True story this one lady I was always fussin at about this and taking care of home, my office asked her what did they think the office should bring, she told em please don’t get her any chicken how bout a honey baked ham.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 18th, 2010
10:55 am

@Blue yes, that happened to me when I was in there shooting up the place, and I switched guns (another box of bullets). I was like whoa at the checkout. :shock: