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Are you ready to meet the one?

I met a really fascinating person this weekend. It was one of those chance encounters when you just happen to be someplace that you usually never go. I was kind of amused over how serendipitous it actually was, but I digress.

Fascinating person was someone who believed in deep and spiritual connections. The type that searches for deeper meaning in every choice we make. At some point in the conversation, I felt like I should pull out a pen and take notes!

We talked about being single and the meaning of searching for love. He asked me at one point if I was even ready to meet someone. I didn’t give him an answer because I think it was rhetorical, but mainly because I don’t know anymore!

How do you know if you are ready to meet the one?

Fascinating guy also said that too many couples don’t start their relationships from the heart. We generally start in the bedroom and work our way over to the heart stuff. I can see a lot of truth in that, don’t you?

Have you ever met someone who made you think about things in a new way? What did you learn from them?

Happy Monday!

294 comments Add your comment

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
9:38 am

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
9:38 am

Ah, it feels so good… Okay, now, what’s the topic…? ;-)

SlimOne

August 16th, 2010
9:43 am

i’m swiss – Howdy doody partnah! ;-)

blue

August 16th, 2010
9:45 am

GM all!

lol Swiss…hmmm…. what to say on topic…….

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
9:48 am

On topic: Apparently I’m not much of a “spiritual” person, whatever that means. To me, it all sounds like a bit too much new age BS. “Are you ready to meet ‘the one?’” What does that even mean? Seems to me it’s just making things unnecessarily complicated. This isn’t rocket science. You meet people. You like them, or you don’t. If you do, you get to know them better and you either really like them (and possibly more) or not.

Kym

August 16th, 2010
9:49 am

Good Morning All,

Wisey you sure you didn’t meet Rev KP..lol. Either way dude makes a good point..

I always try..to take something away from any great conversation I have. My hope is to learn more the person and myself. But I can agree with you on one thing..I am not sure I know anymore if I am ready to meet the one..I am finding comfort in my own skin..and not sure if I am ready to give up parts of my heart to “the one” just yet. So since I am not sure..I find it is better to just keep moving forward.

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
9:52 am

Morning, Slim… Morning, blue… Hope you both had a good weekend (read: got some)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 16th, 2010
9:53 am

Hola!

I am with Swiss on this one for the most part. I want to add my own spin, and that is as I have said before when this topic comes up–if you are not ready to meet the one your tail should not be dating.

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
9:58 am

Now, if dude had asked, “are you ready to be in a serious, committed relationship?” then I would say that’s a more valid question.

This whole notion of “the one” I think is counter-productive, anyway. It implies that there is one perfect person for everyone. Not so. There are plenty of outstanding, compatible people out there, but no one is perfect for anyone. There will always be conflicts, disagreements, general annoyances, etc. It’s accepting that & wanting to work through those for the sake of the commitment that is the tough part. And the first (and biggest) step is the “wanting to” part.

SlimOne

August 16th, 2010
10:05 am

swiss since you’re the only dude on here so far, is it really that scary of a thing when a man falls in love for the first time? (especially if it happens at a later age in life, not counting high school puppy love) Your thoughts? Chocolate man refers me to Jazmine Sullivans song “Lions, Tigers and Bears”…basically says I’m not scared of lions, tigers and bears but i’m scared of loving you….

Leggs

August 16th, 2010
10:05 am

“…too many couples don’t start their relationships from the heart. We generally start in the bedroom and work our way over to the heart stuff

Never has a truer statement been uttered. Putting the bedroom on the side and truly attempting to get to know a person helps so much in mitigating hurt, unbelieveable expectations, drama, as well as egg on your face!

SexyCool

August 16th, 2010
10:07 am

When I *thought* I was ready, I wasn’t.

When I really was ready, I wasn’t even giving it any thought because I was focused on just living my best life possible.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 16th, 2010
10:08 am

@Swiss you are saying the damn thing this morning ^5 on your 9:58 am. We are >>>here<<< my brother.

Simple Man!!!

August 16th, 2010
10:10 am

Good Morning All!!!
Hoep everyone had a great weekend!!
On topic….The notion of being ready to meet the one adds a measure of pressure that nobody wants or needs! Anybody can possible be the person that wins your heart, why complicate it with the weight of being the one thrown into the mix???

Leggs

August 16th, 2010
10:10 am

Oops! Good morning….

Dirty Diana ♠

August 16th, 2010
10:12 am

@Slim good question, but I have seen a lot of men scared of love not just the black hand side. I think love is scary for everyone. I broken bone will heal, but there is something about a broken heart that never fully recovers and may last a lifetime. Now, I hope deep throat, simple man, DreamsM, MR LURKER/Elijah (a post under each moniker), and even Steven Q. Stanley (I think that is his name) chimes in on your question.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 16th, 2010
10:13 am

@Simple man, did you have a good weekend? Make sure you let us know your thoughts on slim’s 10:05

SlimOne

August 16th, 2010
10:14 am

‘A broken bone will heal, but there is something about a broken heart that never fully recovers’

DD – Yeah, a broken heart never breaks even. The thing to realize though is that the risk taken is always between the those people involved.

kimmie

August 16th, 2010
10:16 am

Good morning!

Leggs I cosign your 10:05. It’s almost impossible to turn what amounts to a BC into a real relationship. And yes, it helps you to see things so much clearer when you wait awhile and really get to know a person. I know this from experience. And you know what? It didn’t take too long for some to get “eliminated” from ever even seeing the inside of my bedroom. A lot show their true colors very early on – so if folks would just cool it for a minute and be patient, they could save themselves a world of trouble!

The One, a committed relationship, whatever you want to call it, takes work. The question you should ask yourself is are you ready to put in the work that it requires. If not, stay to yourself. Too many want the benefits without the sacrifices.

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
10:19 am

Slim — I suppose it could be, depending on the circumstances. For example, if the chick (or person, as this could work both ways) you deem to be “the one” is in a much different place financially than you, there’s always the fear that if it ends badly romantically, it will also end badly financially.

Fortunately, that was never an issue in my case, as Mrs. Swiss and I were on very equal terms financially. In fact, if anything, she was better off than me. So, maybe it was scary for her? But I wasn’t worried… ;-)

Simple Man!!!

August 16th, 2010
10:20 am

DD!!! Great weekend!! Went white water rafting and it was off the chain :) ..

I don’t think that men are accross the board afraid to fall in love as much as We are not taught that opening yourself to love and free emotions are is OK…I grew up in a family where my grandma had 49 grandsons!!!! I can’t ever remember a time when I heard it was ok to follow my heart. So when you don’t know how to love you tend to shy away from it….

Luvbug

August 16th, 2010
10:20 am

How do you know if you are ready to meet the one?

Okay, I must first adjust to the phrasing “ready to meet the one”…I’ve known when I wasn’t interested in something serious. I let a guy know upfront…but ready? There’s usually no magical, memorable moment or epiphany. If someone is interested and I feel good and comfortable with him, I will open up and give it a shot.

Have you ever met someone who made you think about things in a new way?

All the time. It’s hard not to get to know someone and not gain a new perspective.

SlimOne

August 16th, 2010
10:21 am

Terrified, you’re afraid to love, it’s got you buckling at the knees.
Running, but trying unsuccessfully to hide, because we all fall eventually.

kk

DCRose

August 16th, 2010
10:21 am

@Kym – I am not sure I know anymore if I am ready to meet the one..I am finding comfort in my own skin..and not sure if I am ready to give up parts of my heart to “the one” just yet.

I agree with you Kym. When you’re comfortable in your own skin and are enjoying life, it’s hard to make room for “the one” and just as hard to trust them with your heart.

I’d like to think I’m ready and open to meet the one. But I’m not searching or waiting, I feel it will happen when it does. No need for any preparations, plans or schemes. I’ll continue to meet new people, enjoy their conversations, get to know some better because they are interesting and dismiss the players.

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
10:22 am

Thanks, Dirty D, but c’mon… a high 5? You know I prefer the congratulatory booty smack… ;-) :lol:

Luvbug

August 16th, 2010
10:26 am

Mr. Swiss – LOL. I guess we were on the same page with the notion of ‘the one’. I get the intention, but ‘ready for the one’ does read a tiny bit Hollywood.

blue

August 16th, 2010
10:27 am

“ready to meet the one” – as many have said already, just adds too much pressure to the situation. if you’re always applying the “r u the one” glasses to every guy you meet, i think the tendency then will be to come on too strong, too many questions, too much all the way around, can tend to chase a person off. you end up losing “the one” trying to find “the one”.

SlimOne

August 16th, 2010
10:31 am

As far as being ready for the one, wasn’t there a recent topic regarding men as taxis’….if their green light is on and you just so happen to be at that road when they drive by, does that necessarily mean you’re “the one”…or just what happened to be around at the time he was open to something serious? Hmmm…

I am whatever you say I am

August 16th, 2010
10:32 am

The “One” is a person that I define as he may have many faults but he is perfect for me and the one that GOD has put in my life for a reason.

I don’t know if I am ready to meet the one but I sure as heck would like to.
Maybe when my heart stops hurting, he will appear.

Off Topic: I took a pole dancing class over the weekend.
Never knew how much pain pole dancing class could cause.
Serious workout indeed!

Purple Rain

August 16th, 2010
10:32 am

Slim, men are not afraid to fall in love the first time, it’s the second time falling in love after our first heartbreak that is scary.

Deep Throat!

August 16th, 2010
10:33 am

says I’m not scared of lions, tigers and bears but i’m scared of loving you….

@SlimOne??

porn virus allover my desk top..scary stuff..i cant even do nothing untill its fixed!! :roll:

How was the week end folks! Mine,not so good.

Slim, I think ur guy is being very honest.To me,that suggests that he wont be in there for the long haul.

I say that because falling in love is scary,Untill u fall in love.When u do,u just say,”i love this babe” without any prompting coz thats what u feeling.

When u are deethering(to use “thedyckk Cheney’s” word),then u not feling anything at that point,let alone luv.

Hope u like my analysis.

Leggs

August 16th, 2010
10:35 am

Too many want the benefits without the sacrifices.

Yes indeed, yes indeed. If you aren’t ready to have a relationship, date yourself and stop stringing people’s emotions along solely to pacify your own self-interest.

kimmie

August 16th, 2010
10:37 am

I can agree the pressure to meet one to enter the ultimate committment with can be overwhelming.

What I gather from the topic is that a lot of folks say they are ready to settle down and marry, but if that person came along – would they be ready to do what it takes to make the relationship work and take it to the next level. We all see the outcome of committed relationships – the dates, the lovey-dovey, the trips, the rings, the ceremonies, etc. But getting there takes work and sacrifice. There are two lives that have to mesh into one. This persons’ quirks, spending habits, schedules, lifestyles, ways they think about things, all this has to work with yours. Sometimes there are kids involved and they have to be worked in the mix too. It’s a lot to take on and you have to be ready for it.

Leggs

August 16th, 2010
10:37 am

@I am ~ hello. Even with the pain, wasn’t it fun? Now, since you’ve done the pole dancing, try exotic dancing next.

Luvbug

August 16th, 2010
10:38 am

But I’m not searching or waiting, I feel it will happen when it does. No need for any preparations, plans or schemes. I’ll continue to meet new people, enjoy their conversations, get to know some better because they are interesting

DCRose – Great point. This has been a bone of contention with me for about a year now. All my previous relationships have come about organically, but I was more socially active in those days. I’ve been pondering if I should get out there more, but I haven’t b/c I have never planned my life in that way, so the thought makes me feel uncomfortable. I do need to be more available to family and friends…but that’s a different issue…bottom line, consciously being out there for some potential mate is uncharted territory for me…but I don’t know if that’s bad or good.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 16th, 2010
10:40 am

@Simple man it sounds like you had a blast.

I must say this I think love is like anything else…we seek out what we were taught. I have several good GF’s that are married. They were raised to find a husband in college…each of them were married by their mid 20’s. One of my friends mom even taught her about running a household (cooking, cleaning, keeping a home peaceful for a husband) even down to making sure his favorite drinks were always there. I was raised different and never thought about marriage and stuff like that my parents gave me a different agenda.

SlimOne

August 16th, 2010
10:42 am

‘men are not afraid to fall in love the first time, it’s the second time falling in love after our first heartbreak that is scary’

Purp – I can understand that but to hold onto the fact that Jessica broke your heart in the 3rd grade hardly constitutes shunning future love oppurtunities because she gave lil Johnny her juice box instead of you. :lol:

Deep T – You sure that is a porn virus or did some of your…ahem…babymaking juice go apeshyt splashing all over your keyboard? Regarding your deethering…you may have a point. He wants to “talk” so I will give the update once I find out the dealio from the horses mouth, because long story short I deserve someone who is sure of how they feel about me all the time and who doesn’t have to question it every single step of the way ;-) (however, my uncle died yesterday so i’m sure he’ll postpone this ‘talk’) :roll:

DreamsMaterialize

August 16th, 2010
10:42 am

Morning
I’d say I’m always ready to meet “the one”, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be with “the one”. Being with someone else requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice that I’m not sure I’m completely ready for. I like things my way, and right now I don’t want to accommodate someone else’s wants/needs at the expense of my own. Honestly, I’m not even looking for “the one”, and I’m not really sure what that is anyway. I just like meeting nice women and enjoying the wonderful things that life has to offer.

blue

August 16th, 2010
10:44 am

i think this trying to find theone thing is what elads a lot of people to start in on the changing of a person. they could be the one if only….(fill in the blank), and then they start in with the alterations. i am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, so not everyone is meant to be the one you marry, or even the one you marry right now (maybe their meant to be your second husband/wife after you’ve ahd some experience at works and what doesnt work.) but each one has a reason for being in your life, and at the appropriate time, the one you need will come along, its just a matter of having enough patience to wait however long it takes.

PrincessNik

August 16th, 2010
10:45 am

Are you ready to meet the one

wow did i just step into “the matrix” :lol:

Couldn’t resist. I agree with swiss on his 9:58 post

Morning ya’ll!

kimmie

August 16th, 2010
10:46 am

I was raised different and never thought about marriage and stuff like that my parents gave me a different agenda.

DD – Same here. The focus was getting your degree so you could get a great job and be self-sufficient. I remember looking on in wonderment at those girls who were after their MRS in college, especially those that were there for that SOLE purpose. If I had to do it over again, I think a mixture of the two would be good. Still pursue the education but keep your eye open for a nice guy. You’ll never have access to such a pool of eligible, educated men around your age ever again!LOL!!

Leggs

August 16th, 2010
10:47 am

@Luvbug ~ I can definitely identify with what you’re saying. It’s terrifying and, at times, can be debilitating. Verbally I tell myself what to do, but in reality, my boyfriend (Dateline) and I usually spend the evening together. :lol: :lol:

SlimOne

August 16th, 2010
10:48 am

Dreams – so being that you really aren’t interested/ready to deal with the compromise and sacrifice that it takes to be serious with someone, how do you handle it when the person on the other end begins to want a little more. Do you start flaking out, become distant or what?

(Raqi)...quarantined

August 16th, 2010
10:49 am

Being ready to meet the one IMO means having an open heart and mind and the willingness to devote the time and effort.
A lot of people aren’t ready because for one they have problems mentally and emotionally coexisting among others. If you have to be the star of the show all the time then you are not ready. The wants and needs of both parties matter so you have to be emotionally and mentally available.

Some will say or feel that they are ready merely because they are in want of a companion or relationship however they are selfish and closed minded.

Relationships from what I have learned, and still learning, is about giving of yourself to the union. Yeah we are all kinda selfish but when you are truly ready to be the one you will learn and be willing to compromise and sacrifice. Both parties the same.

One of things that I learned from the one I am with is you have to remove all the undesired options from the table and work toward that you want. If you agree upfront that “this thing” is not an option then I think you emotionally put is out of reach. It’s not your immediate thought when the waters get a little trouble.

kimmie

August 16th, 2010
10:52 am

Dreams – 10:42 – You said what I was thinking about this topic.

Because to be honest, it really is wonderful, this relationship I am in. But I do get tired at times, keeping up the schedule that I do. I make sure that I take time out for myself. I think everyone should.

blue

August 16th, 2010
10:53 am

@Dreams – i appreciate a man (any person really) who is willing to admit that they arent ready for the self sacrificed required. so many jump in that relationship and still sing nonstop about how they dont wanna, they dont have to, they want they want they want…with no room for compromise on the other side, or even giving of themselves to make the other happy. i think recognizing that its needed, and that you arent ready to do that, is very important. saves a lot of hurt feelings later imo.

i'm swiss™

August 16th, 2010
10:53 am

“wow did i just step into “the matrix””

PricessNik — What’s the over/under on the number of times Morpheus’s daughter’s vajayjay has been referred to as “the matrix?” :lol:

Simple Man!!!

August 16th, 2010
10:54 am

There is alot of talk about meeting the one…How many of you guys think that you ARE the one???

kimmie

August 16th, 2010
10:54 am

Raqita – Why are you quarantined?

Deep Throat!

August 16th, 2010
10:54 am

@Kimmie/DD??

so when did marriage start getting in the pic for u two??

did u find dating, whilst in college to be too much of a distraction??? if so why??

and so how did u handle guys?? and sexing?? did u just sex and dump??

@Slim??
thankfully, i dont watch porn at work..i opened a linkedin invite email from some jehhny…..my mistake!

why does ur guy want to schedule a talk..for what?? that sounds so girly! Dont u two talk al the time??

sorry for ur loss by the way.