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Too much mystery is not sexy

I was reading the news story of a woman who discovered her husband’s wedding to somebody else on Facebook.  Clearly there were some signs because she was online searching for clues.  It reminded me of when I met this guy who at first seemed so intriguing.  He was all vague and a little mysterious.  It started out as a playful flirty thing, but then it turned into outright question dodging.

When you meet someone new do you think it is cool to hold back information to make things more exciting or mysterious? I suppose some people can pull that off well.  It only seems to be a problem when the person is being mysterious because they have a pretty awful secret they don’t want you to know about.

How would you handle a situation when the person you are really interested in tends to be a little too mysterious?  Do you turn into a dating detective and attempt to figure it out?  Would you chuck the deuces and cut them loose?

Are you the mysterious one that people always want to find out about?  Does it work for you on the dating scene?

Happy Friday!!

358 comments Add your comment

Dirty Diana ♠

August 13th, 2010
9:10 am

Hola!

Stepping in 1st on Friday the 13th.

Run4Life

August 13th, 2010
9:11 am

First!
It is not sexy at all. I knew a guy that you couldn’t even ask him about his work day, without him giving you this strange look, and pondering his answer. He turned out to be a playa, I think. Don’t know for sure because he was so mysterious. LOLing

Run4Life

August 13th, 2010
9:11 am

Not first. How sad.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 13th, 2010
9:15 am

On topic: I am mysterious, and I do not apologize for that being a component of who I am. Simply put, my business is my own, and I do not have to share everything or even somethings. A wise guy said this a few weeks ago, and it is very fitting I will probably mess it up but it went something like ” A woman with no mystery is like an open book.” I guess most of us want a little mystery, and not someone telling everything, because lets face it we all need to save a secret or two for “self.”

blue

August 13th, 2010
9:17 am

GM Diana, Run! Everybody!

IMO, Vague and Mysterious : Not Cute, doesnt make things exciting, just make things aggravating. i prefer a straight forward conversation, not something that makes me ask 10 questions to get a simple answer when you understood me the first time. im sure my opinions is somewhat jaded by the fact that my experience with this usually turned out that they were in fact dodging, trying to hide something. and even tho what they were hiding wasnt always a deal breaker, the fact that they would go thru so much work to hide was an issue. if your not into me enough to talk to me straight, then lets not waste each others time.

Kym-Wild Women don't Get the Blues.

August 13th, 2010
9:21 am

Good Morning All,

A mystery wrapped in a riddle..

I think everything is on a need to know basis…if you ask..depending on what you ask..I will tell ya. But I am not one for dating someone who avoids all direct questions..I mean “Are you married?” is a pretty simple Yes or No question..either you put it on paper or you didn’t.

Now as for dating detective..I must confess I have googled..researched and investigated guys not only for myself but for friends. Pipl.com is a great source of information. These are dangerous times and I always caution my sisterfriends..to tell someone where you are going with this joker so if you wind up missing we know where to begin the search and send the dogs.

Simple Man!!!!

August 13th, 2010
9:24 am

Morning all!!! I think a little mystery is good depending on what questions are being asked…

Chick : Are you married?
Dude: Why?
Chick: I kinda need to know what I am dealing with…
Dude: Where do you want to go for dinner??

Not only bad but dangerous!!!

SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump

August 13th, 2010
9:27 am

Happy Friday the 13th…

I have a homeboy who was just talking about this the other day. He said he likes to keep the chicks on their toes so they don’t get too comfortable…

blue

August 13th, 2010
9:28 am

@Kym/Simple – agreed. a little is good, you dont need my whole life story on our first date. but scenarios like Simple Mans (lol) , yeah dont need em. havent come across too many good reasons for dodging like that..

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
9:29 am

People who need to know everything right off the bat are needy in my opinion. Get to know each other, that is what dating is. A process to get to know each other, if at any point you don’t want to share or you feel that the person is not sharing enough with you…don’t be a dummy…..choose not to share yourself with them and move on to the next person. Don’t force it, let people stay in their comfortzone. If you start of asking me to many questions I will tell you directly it is none of your business, I don’t know you that well yet.

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:30 am

Kym

I agree with you: I think everything is on a need to know basis…if you ask..depending on what you ask..I will tell ya.

Happy Friday Morning ya’ll!

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
9:34 am

SlimOne, I think the great scholar, philanthropist and poet Snoop Dog said it best “I’m to swift on my toes, for you motherphhhhukkkinnn h0es”

DreamsMaterialize

August 13th, 2010
9:35 am

Morning
I’ve been called mysterious, but I’m just private. My house isn’t the kick-it spot, I don’t broadcast the ups and downs of my life, and I rarely ask for help. Even people close to me generally don’t know what’s going on with me until after it’s happened and been resolved. This, howevr, doesn’t translate into dishonesty on the dating scene. I tell anyone I’m getting to know that they can feel comfortable asking me anything they like. I’m straight forward about all the fundamentals (marital status, kids, profession, etc.), but there might be some things I’d rather not go into detail about just because it’s personal and I don’t know you that well yet.

blue

August 13th, 2010
9:35 am

when in a position of someone trying to get to know me, i always say you can ask me whatever you want, im not guaranteeing i’ll answer. what i do guarantee is that you’ll know straight if im not gonna answer, theres no dancing around it leavig you feeling you just aint asked the right question yet. vague, imo, raises suspicions, granted not always valid but brings them up all the same. just play straight, if you dont wanna talk about it, just say so, no dancing.

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:37 am

Even people close to me generally don’t know what’s going on with me until after it’s happened and been resolved

Me too Dreams, used to drive my dad nuts

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
9:38 am

If I want someone to know something about me I will tell them. If I am doing single stuff that means I am single or have an opening on my staff. Interviewing, hiring and firing. LOL

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:40 am

Carlito

You starting early with the jokes :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

August 13th, 2010
9:41 am

Me too Dreams, used to drive my dad nuts
Princess That’s just the way I am. I don’t want to burden other people with my issues…they have their own to deal with. I handle my biz, and then I’ll tell you all about it after it’s over. lol I can see how it drove your dad crazy though. If my daughter ends up like me, it’ll drive me crazy too. You can’t take away dad’s protector role!

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
9:41 am

I am as mysterious as a purple rain.

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
9:44 am

Princess, I was told that I needed to start early today. You ought not be questioning my early jokes. Besides, they are on topic. :)

SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump

August 13th, 2010
9:44 am

Prain…thanks…you just made me spill my coffee. lol (Snoop)

Lady-Ebony Eyes!

August 13th, 2010
9:44 am

Good Morning Crew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TGIF BABY!!!!!!!!!!

this topic makes me think of someone in particular……lol……..it is more than the eye can see believe that! :)

hey dd and pr!

be back later! ;)

Lady-Ebony Eyes!

August 13th, 2010
9:45 am

oh GO FALCONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO NFL!!!!!! :)
peace!

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:45 am

You can’t take away dad’s protector role!

Dreams I told him he raised his children to be self sufficent, I can’t help i’m the one who really took it to heart LOL. He is also the one that taught us what happens in your happens IN YOUR HOUSE, and it isn’t anybody’s business but yours and if you choose to share so be it.

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:46 am

You ought not be questioning my early jokes.

:lol: not questioning, just stating the facts, only the facts

It's me....lurker

August 13th, 2010
9:46 am

When you meet someone new do you think it is cool to hold back information to make things more exciting or mysterious?

Naturally intriguing to me is a good trait and in no way something you have to make…it’s just who you are naturally. Playing games and dodge ball ain’t cute and wears thin on my patience.

blue

August 13th, 2010
9:49 am

am quote :

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Mae West

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:49 am

what happens in your happens

oops should be what happens in your house happens…

DreamsMaterialize

August 13th, 2010
9:51 am

this topic makes me think of someone in particular……lol……..it is more than the eye can see believe that!
Lady you gonna dangle the carrot and then leave? spill it! lol

Princess yeah he meant for you to be self-sufficient…with everyone ELSE. He still wants you to come to him for things. He dedicated his life to giving you what you need and being there for you, so if you all of a sudden take that away from him, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. lol

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:51 am

Blue

how appropriate LOL

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
9:51 am

Lady :)

Princess, LOL

Did anyone see the movie 40 year old virgin? Today’s topic reminds me of the scene in the book store when he i strying to talk to the lady and all he did when she asked him a question was resond back with a question and it worked. LOL

Lady: “Are you looking for something?”
Man: “ARE YOUUU looking for something?”
Lady: “What’s your name”
Man: “what’s YOUR name”

Women fall for mysterious to much, guys dont care we are just happy hunting.

Kym-Wild Women don't Get the Blues.

August 13th, 2010
9:52 am

Dear Politico….Kevin Jonas picking up cupcakes at a bakery in DC is not political news..lets stay focused over there people!–signed Kym.

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
9:54 am

Dreams I think he finally understood, besides that we talked about EVERYTHING (except s e x :) )

Dirty Diana ♠

August 13th, 2010
9:55 am

Hey blue, Lady,Purp-purp, PK, simple man, Deep Throat, and all.

@DreamsM a special hello to you…your 9:35 described me to the tee.

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
10:00 am

Dirty Diana, how are you? :)

I will say that somethings should remain a mystery, as my wife and I grow closer we laugh and share more secrets. She shared with me something about a previous boyfriend and how she used to creep out on him once she knew the relationship was over. Now she was sneaking out with me but daggummit I thought that was her condo etc. I love her but it did make me raise an eyebrow to be honest. LOL

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
10:01 am

Hey Dirty D!

SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump

August 13th, 2010
10:02 am

I think when you first start dating someone, especially men, tend to be less inclined to volunteer details. Just had this convo last night. Friend said that dudes know that once women start asking questions and the minute a guy starts giving straight answers, that’s pandoras box to future interrogations.

Early Dating Scenario

Chick: Hi there! What you been up to?

Dude: Just chillin

Chick: I texted you last night but I never got a response. Did you get my message?

Dude: Yup

Chick: Oh? Well, what did you end up doing?

Dude: Had fun

LOL!

Early Dating scenario – opening of pandoras box

Chick: Hi there! What you been up to?

Dude: Just at the crib watching the Boondocks.

Chick: I texted you last night but I never got a response. Did you get my message?

Dude: Yes

Chick: Oh? Well, what did you end up doing?

Dude: Hung out with my homegirl for a drink or two, then went to Strokers and came home to crash. So I think you texted me when I was in the skrip club so I didn’t get your message till this morning.

Chick: Oh ok cool (wheels turning wanting to ask question about who this ‘homegirl’ is)

Later Dating Scenario

Chick: Hi there! What you been up to?

Dude: Just at the crib watching the Boondocks.

Chick: I texted you last night but I never got a response. Did you get my message?

Dude: Yes

Chick: Oh? Well, what did you end up doing?

Dude: Hung out with my homegirl for a drink or two, then went to Strokers and came home to crash. So I think you texted me when I was in the skrip club so I didn’t get your message till this morning.

Chick: Homegirl? Where you know her from?

Dude: We went to college together

Chick: So where was her man at?

Dude: He lives out of town and they been sort of going through it so I decided to take her out for a drink

Chick: Oh so you captain save-a-h0 now? (under her breath)

Dude: what you say?

Chick: So is that the reason you didn’t return my text because you were with your HOMEGIRL?

Dude: Naw, told you I went to the skrip club. Why you trippin?

Chick: I’m not trippin. So she went with you to Strokers or did you have a skrip show back at your spot with dat bytch?!

Dude: You know what…i’m bout to bounce cuz yo azz trippin (click)

Chick: Oh NO HE DIDN’T JUST HANG UP ON ME!!!

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
10:04 am

Slim, LOL are you that woman?

PrincessNik

August 13th, 2010
10:06 am

now that was funny Slim

DreamsMaterialize

August 13th, 2010
10:06 am

@DreamsM a special hello to you…your 9:35 described me to the tee.
Wassup Double D’s. You trying to be like me? ;-) you ready for the weekend?

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
10:09 am

Am I ready for the weekend? Glad you asked, YES! Both of our families are coming down and we are celebrating :)

DreamsMaterialize

August 13th, 2010
10:11 am

So she went with you to Strokers or did you have a skrip show back at your spot with dat bytch?!
HAHA now that’s some funny but true shyte! Slim since this is the last season of Boondocks, you should fill the void with your own cartoon production. I’d watch. lol

blue

August 13th, 2010
10:11 am

@Slim – funny, lol, i know some folks like that, they start telling the stories im just like oooo-k

Purple Rain

August 13th, 2010
10:12 am

Dreams, Slim, Melo and Elijah.Lurker should do a cartoon show.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 13th, 2010
10:12 am

DreamsM,

I am ready for the weekend. I just want to kick my feet up and relax. I was in the midwest last weekend, so I guess I will just chill out here unless I wake up Saturday morning with a nagging sense of wanderlust.

You trying to be like me? LOL I think I am safe following in your footsteps. :wink:

SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump

August 13th, 2010
10:13 am

Purp – Used to be with the ex….he would lie about it raining outside so I couldn’t trust him as far as I could shyt. lol Never wanna go down that path again.

SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump

August 13th, 2010
10:15 am

‘you should fill the void with your own cartoon production’

Dreams – we could use all the topics from the blog as our subject matter. But I wouldn’t do it without my AAD—>FOR REAL ;-)

Simple Man!!!!

August 13th, 2010
10:15 am

SlimOne @ 10:02 …Right on point with that one!!!! As for me, when chicka takes it to that point she goes to the top of the ” I need to hit that one more time then bail” list… :)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 13th, 2010
10:16 am

Lady, please tell or give us a hint.

this topic makes me think of someone in particular……

Kym-Wild Women don't Get the Blues.

August 13th, 2010
10:16 am

LMAO..funny Slim..