Can we have traditional dating values?
A fabulous friend of mine declared “It is possible to be a modern woman with traditional dating values!” I happen to agree with that sentiment but I thought about how tough it was to actually apply this theory to our dating experiences.
When we have all of the perks and trappings of a modern world, traditional dating values get a bit turned on its head. Is it becoming a problem trying to hold on to tradition in the dating scene today? I suppose you could become creative and find new ways to hold on to tradition, but how does it play out?
Guys do you find it endearing or annoying when a modern woman has traditional dating values? What would you do if a woman wanted you to court her in a traditional sense? What do you consider too traditional? What would you consider too modern?
Ladies! Do you ever feel like Erkyah Badu: A analog girl in a digital world? How do you manage to maintain your traditional values about relationships and dating? What has worked for you and what hasn’t?
Are we too modern for our own good?
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470 comments Add your comment
Lucinda
August 11th, 2010
10:12 am
*If you have to arrange a place and time for the sex…that’s a booty call. Kym-
August 11th, 2010
9:58 am*
No! You can be courting, in a serious relationship, not living together… and NOT be a booty call. You still have to arrange time/place to get together, but it doesn’t mean it’s a booty call. Whether it’s a booty call has a lot to do with whether it’s exclusive, committed and leading to marriage (or similar committment).
Dirty Diana ♠
August 11th, 2010
10:16 am
Question for you.. is your only way to define dating is to associate it with sex or the pursuit of sex?
@Kym I date to get to know a person, and getting to know someone does not mean I am having sex. That is why again I asked you to clarify your statement/hot flash, “Until you are actually wearing that dude’s name, ring,or sharing essential expenses..then everything else is a booty call.
It seems like you have disproven your hot flash.
Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:16 am
Hello Elijah ( Today is a good day!)!!!!!! Have a great day buddy!!!!
Simple Man!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:17 am
Morning Leggs!!! I won’t speak for the other guys here, But I have no issue with dating / courting. The problem I have with women wanting it both ways is the inconsistant way in which it is applied…its not fair to expect the guy to pay for dates, bring flowers, open doors ect. and not be prepared make and serve a home cooked meal on occasion. I take sex off the table because that is a mutual desire and should be a given.
It's me....lurker
August 11th, 2010
10:17 am
Until you are actually wearing that dude’s name, ring,or sharing essential expenses..then everything else is a booty call.
Exactly. You can call it want you want to but it doesn’t mean he sees it the same. It could be an undefined relationship to you, to him it could be just what it is. If it’s not evidenced that more is going on but food, fun and possible sex, you’re a booty call or a step away from one. Someone mentioned “booty call hours”, um booty call hours can be at anytime, it’s the act that constitutes wham bam, not the time of day. If that’s the mentality flowing between the two, sex on the go can be at sun peaked hours, it still implies nothing different.
To date me, you have to court me. Show me I mean more to you than a booty call, respect me and my values. If you don’t care to do this, I have no problem waiting on the one that will.
@Leggs – ding ding ding…true. Only the shallow and faint of heart will give way to someone that’s not bringing your worth…in your eyes. It they feel it’s not worth it and you can only get a penny’s worth, pass. That’s their peragotive and their right. Nothing to do with you.
Oh and “being reduced to a booty call” is only done if allowed. No one can reduce you, you accept that behavior, you did it yourself.
Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!
August 11th, 2010
10:17 am
@Lucinda..how about we agree to disagree..cause you believe whatever you need to believe to get you by.
Dirty Diana ♠
August 11th, 2010
10:17 am
Hola Elijah, when are you going to bring MR LURKER in?
It's me....lurker
August 11th, 2010
10:20 am
Traditional all the way.
Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:22 am
@Lucinda I thought so honey!
blue
August 11th, 2010
10:22 am
@Princess – got to find a good one……
Mrs. Tazzee
August 11th, 2010
10:23 am
Now y’all know Kym meant sex outside of those parameters is a booty call, LOL. I guess it’s not a good day in blogsville if folks aren’t going at it.
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:24 am
Someone mentioned “booty call hours”, um booty call hours can be at anytime
it’s me, that was me, what i actually said was Peak booty call hours, of course booty calls can happen at any time, but there are certain times of day/night that they are more likely to occur
It's me....lurker
August 11th, 2010
10:27 am
PrincessN, yes I agree that typically night hours would be deemed but from experience I’ve had a few drive bys/meet ups during lunch hours:)
Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!
August 11th, 2010
10:27 am
Diana how did I disprove my hot fact..I asked you how you define dating..you just stated you date to get to know someone. Fine then you are dating..if you(keyword you) have taken a vow to get the yummy on lock until marriage then again you can’t be on or seeking a booty call. Because again the essence of the booty call is sex. If two people are sexing it up and arranging to sex it up regularly after dinner and a movie..still a booty call. How about a comparison on definitions of the topic..
In your early comments you stated not being reduce to a booty call..if you don’t associate sex with dating why even mention sex or the anywords that would bring to mind sex?
In comparison Mrs. Tazzee(you can kick me later about dragging your comment in) she not that she viewed traditional dating as
“A man that asked me out on our first dates – in advance – and yes, he paid for those initial dates. A man that is chivalrous. Our initial communications weren’t via text. By the third date, I knew what his intentions were. He pursued me and I loved the pursuit.”
See the difference..she made it plain.
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:30 am
It’s me
i have to just smile and nod at the lunch hour thing
blue
August 11th, 2010
10:31 am
@Princess – nothing to do with todays topic, but…
todays a.m. quote shall be:
I never drink water, fish fu<k in it.
W.C. Fields
Dirty Diana ♠
August 11th, 2010
10:31 am
@Mrs. Tazzee your 10:23 like Kym’s hot flash lacks logic. If her post was for humor that is fine…that is why I asked for clarification, but as stated in my 9:52 there are other components and factors to consider. We can peel the layer and take a deeper look. You have people in long distant relationships that have “relations” occasionally, but that relationship is based on more than sex. IMO sex is a component of a relationship not the entire relationship, thus making her argument and statement invalid and a fallacy. However I asked for clarification.
@PK I agree there are peak booty call hours
SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump
August 11th, 2010
10:32 am
Good morning to all yall!
Simple Man!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:32 am
Mid-day booty calls are soooo good!! I think I will take one shot at setting one up for today…..
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:33 am
BLUE!!!!!!!
Deep Throat!
August 11th, 2010
10:33 am
Traditional all the way.
@Its me…??
is it not harder, esp when u are a mature woman or man,to go that traditional route of no sex be4 the ring??(esp when u have tasted it be4)
Iam talking about the practicality of it all.
as far as bootey calls..i think you are right…a lot of females have found out after the fact,that they were in fact bootey calls,even tho they did not call the realtionship that,when they were in it.
If u licked and dinged him and u went ur sepearet ways and u still calling urself single..HELP!..u been punked be4!
Bootey Call!
thats the reality of it all…men play that game.
kimmie
August 11th, 2010
10:33 am
Good morning!
Hey Mrs. Taz, good to read you!
You all act like this whole “booty call” thing is something new and modern – It Isn’t! Those girls that dudes would mess around with late, after they dropped off the “nice” girl home to her parents, the ones that were not good enough to “take home to mama”, those were booty calls! That stuff has been going on since the beginning of time!
This whole topic really proves that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Even modern ways of doing things have an air of tradition about them. Church socials and matchmakers are now Match.com and Eharmony. No matter how “modern” a man & woman may claim to be, 9.999 times out of 10, the man will do the major portion of the pursuing and will be the one proposing.
Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!
August 11th, 2010
10:35 am
@Tazzee I am not going at it…not today anyway..I has to keep my pressure under control..LOL.
But I did think this was a great topic to get straight plain answers too. I don’t have a set of traditional dating values..cause when I hear or read that I think..”Oh lawd is I gonna have to make him a peach pie and sit on the porch swing and hold hands under the moonlight while my daddy sits in the front room listening” I mean the core values boil down to one thing Respect..treat me the way you want me to treat you.
It means calling if you running late, if you meeting me at the spot open my car door when I get there, open the door for me, talk to me with something close to sense.. and we might get somewhere. To quote Chubb Rock..treat me right.
Leggs
August 11th, 2010
10:35 am
@Simple Man ~ I agree with you. The “core” to dating is reciprocity.
Hey there, Mrs. Tazzee Mae! Good to read you.
@its me…you got it right. No one can reduce another human to anything. You control YOU, not the other person. Whatever egg is on your face, you put it there by going along with whatever foolishness came your way. I’ll tell you this, self-worth will prevent a lot of unnecessary heartache. By that I mean, not going along for the ride just to be riding.
It's me....lurker
August 11th, 2010
10:36 am
Hey Princess, even though we were cohabitating, those were booty calls none the less. Meet at the house for lunch. Before we moved in together he would call like 2 or 3 am (he had just left a few hours prior) and say won’t you come over. I’d say that’s a BOOTY CALL.
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:37 am
is it not harder, esp when u are a mature woman or man,to go that traditional route of no sex be4 the ring??(esp when u have tasted it be4)
@ Melo, I will speak on this, for ME, when i’m getting it, i want all i can stand and then some, but when I’m not gettint it, it doesn’t really matter meaning i’m not making calls trying to line up some D!. It is what it is……
Dirty Diana ♠
August 11th, 2010
10:37 am
@Kym,
In your early comments you stated not being reduce to a booty call..if you don’t associate sex with dating why even mention sex or the anywords that would bring to mind sex?
If you read my post totality you will see that I was agreeing with another blogger on traditional dating and stating that you are serious about courting me and getting to know me, thus not reducing me to a booty call. That has nothing to do with my asking you to clarify your Hot Flash. My point is there are a lot of relationships that you cannot define what they are. And, there are more than two categories when it comes to relationships. Your hot flash states you are a booty call or married. That is further from the truth.
We can agree to disagree on this one. ciao
SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump
August 11th, 2010
10:40 am
‘Mid-day booty calls are soooo good!!’
Simple Man – I believe those are called afternoon delights
Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:40 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2QlO1h7Ipo
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:41 am
so for arguments sake:
Do you (blog people) believe there is a difference between having a booty call, and being a booty call?
Dirty Diana ♠
August 11th, 2010
10:43 am
FREE CLASSES!!!!!!!!
For those of you that are “stuck” in understanding the lexical use of “reducing me to a booty call” please read my 9:46 and if you still have problems understanding I will offer a free class. Please use code BloggerNeedingHelp when you redeem. Always remember language is something like chicken you do not always have to say things the same way just like you eat your chicken different ways: fried, hot wings, baked, grilled, broiled, etc.
Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:45 am
hot mess time out lmbao!
Mrs. Tazzee
August 11th, 2010
10:47 am
DD – whatever, you’re just looking for an argument today… It’s REALLY not that deep – thus my LOL.
Kym – I guess I defined mine as traditional because I would run across guys that felt like what I wanted wasn’t realistic in today’s world. I’ve had guys say that just because I make a good living, I shouldn’t want a man to pay for the first few dates. When IMO, it’s not so much the $$ but the pursuit. If he asked me out to McDonald’s – the pursuit was there. Similarly, I’ve been told that texting was the way folks communicate ‘nowadays’ – not me.
Conversely, the way we met is not traditional at all.
Greetings Leggs and Kimmie. It’s good to drop in every now and then. Especially since this topic is right up my alley. My hubby and I are VERY traditional is some ways and VERY non-traditional in others. Getting married in a green dress – not very traditional
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:47 am
Lady
M. (pronouced M dot)
August 11th, 2010
10:47 am
I think today is all about twisting things to your advantage. We have selective dating habits. We want to be traditional in some areas when its conveient and modern in some areas. I
“Guys do you find it endearing or annoying when a modern woman has traditional dating values? What would you do if a woman wanted you to court her in a traditional sense? What do you consider too traditional? What would you consider too modern?”
I find it annoying when women have unrealistic traditional values. For example, I was talking with this woman and she said her dad was saying that I should pick her up from now on. Are you serious? Do you know how spread out Atlanta is? If I live in North Atlanta and you live in East Atlanta, what sense does that make?
I also had a female play the open the car door game. We were walking to the car and she stood by her side holding her purse. She said you arent going to open the car for me? I said no Im not opening the car and I got in and started the car up. She finally got in but turns out this woman had a boyfriend all along.
It's me....lurker
August 11th, 2010
10:49 am
@Deep Throat
@Its me…?? is it not harder, esp when u are a mature woman or man,to go that traditional route of no sex be4 the ring??(esp when u have tasted it be4)
Not at all. It’s a matter or principle…really. Mind over matter. Sex ain’t got a thing to do with making a decision. I can go either way without a second thought. I like sex have had sex and reproduced as a result of sex but I’m my own person. We are not animals and are ALWAYS in control of our actions. If what you introduce to me, as it relates to your beliefs and values does not measure up to what works for me or we can’t find common ground then it’s best for both parties that it’s becomes a no go. Selection and choices have nothing to do with sex, just because you previously had sex.
Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:50 am
M. i so agree….to each their own….we are grown…….lol
Simple Man!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:52 am
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:41 am
Being….Having…. whats the difference? Booty calls are about physical gratification…nothing more, and nothing less it does not matter who makes the call as long as its answered.
blue
August 11th, 2010
10:53 am
@Princess – wwhhatt? he’s right tho, fish do….
@Slim/Simple – now got that old song stuck in my head “A-A-A-A-Fternoon Delight….”, cant remember who sings it tho….
Dirty Diana ♠
August 11th, 2010
10:53 am
@Tazzee believe this, and trust I don’t look for anything on this blog. However I requested clarification…LOL
Deep Throat!
August 11th, 2010
10:53 am
Do you (blog people) believe there is a difference between having a booty call, and being a booty call?
@PrincessNik??
In the real scheme of things,No..there are no differences..but the truth is,u can stand in front of the mirror and still miss the spot on ur nose.
U dont have to agree or u dont have to call urself a bootey call to be One. U only find out after u have wiped and been dumped,in some instances,to realize that u were infact,a Bootey call.
U just didnt think so,at the time..u thoght u were something deeper than Bootey call to the other person.
My point is,Bootey calls dont always happen because we have an explicit agreement saying so. Sometimes we may have a feigned(fake) serious relationship agreement that ultimately reduces the woman to a bootey call.
James Brown’s song is playing in the background…….Its a man’s world(tetetete…nananan) …I gotta go dancing!
PrincessNik..still recovering
August 11th, 2010
10:53 am
Simple man, its just a question to see what ya’ll think
Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!
August 11th, 2010
10:57 am
@Diana I have to agree with Tazzee Mae you were looking for an arguement today..so I will leave you to go find one.
@Mrs. Tazzee..Traditional values are however you define what is of value to you. In some countries dates and weddings are all setup at birth..tradition..female circumcision(sp)..tradition..the list goes on and on..but I digress(3 times today wow I think thats a record). What works for one does not work for all. Seems your way got you a husband..so I would say that was a winner for you! LOL
SlimOne - Just 2 beers & jump
August 11th, 2010
10:58 am
‘Booty calls are about physical gratification…nothing more, and nothing’
I don’t necessarily agree…I think at times people use booty call/sex as a reason or way to get something else they are truely seeking…such as companionship. We know most men will not turn down a good booty call situation. Everyone wants to feel needed, wanted, desired whether on a physical or mental plane. Sort of like how kids are now doing major sexting. I don’t necessarily feel as if they are REALLY seeking THAT type of attention as they are attempting to feel a desire of acceptance/approval. (Booty calls are just the bait)
Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!
August 11th, 2010
10:59 am
hmmmmmmm slim you think!?!
Deep Throat!
August 11th, 2010
11:00 am
Selection and choices have nothing to do with sex, just because you previously had sex.
@Its me..??
I hear u on that…but feelings and emotions..uughh,sometimes the devil pulls u down..LOL
So speaking for urself, u think ur biggest problem thus far is finding that dude who wants to go all the way without ding dong be4 marriage..or there are other issues…maybe u are just not looking..whats the deal??
AmazonRed™ - jet setter
August 11th, 2010
11:02 am
TODAY’S HOT FACT..
Until you are actually wearing that dude’s name, ring,or sharing essential expenses..then everything else is a booty call.
That would be an opinion.
Simple Man!!!!
August 11th, 2010
11:04 am
PrincessNik..still recovering @ 10:53
Its all good!!! It just seems that Booty calls are viewed so negativly… I, for the life of me, can’t figure out why…. Full grown resonably functional adults should be able to to engage in this type of relationship and be ok.. BTW, anyone that is partaking of the booty calls and claims to not know it is a liar!!! :<
Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!
August 11th, 2010
11:07 am
lol
Deep Throat!
August 11th, 2010
11:07 am
to get something else they are truely seeking…such as companionship.
@Slim…
thats laughaeble… companionship on a bootey call??
I wld think just sex! the sexual feeling..like pple seek coc or collards..same thing