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Can we have traditional dating values?

A fabulous friend of mine declared “It is possible to be a modern woman with traditional dating values!” I happen to agree with that sentiment but I thought about how tough it was to actually apply this theory to our dating experiences.

When we have all of the perks and trappings of a modern world, traditional dating values get a bit turned on its head.  Is it becoming a problem trying to hold on to tradition in the dating scene today? I suppose you could become creative and find new ways to hold on to tradition, but how does it play out?

Guys do you find it endearing or annoying when a modern woman has traditional dating values? What would you do if a woman wanted you to court her in a traditional sense? What do you consider too traditional? What would you consider too modern?

Ladies! Do you ever feel like Erkyah Badu: A analog girl in a digital world?  How do you manage to maintain your traditional values about relationships and dating?  What has worked for you and what hasn’t?

Are we too modern for our own good?

470 comments Add your comment

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
8:59 am

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
9:03 am

On topic: Humans are complex, and conflicting which makes it easy to be modern at work, modern in our thoughts and actions i.e. buying homes, owning a tool box. Yet, we long for yesteryears in our views on family. YES, it is possible to be both. I run things at work, and make things happen; however, I love it when a man takes lead in my dating life. There is something super sexy and comforting when a relationship falls in tune with tradition IMO.

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
9:06 am

Good Morning All,

Okay since I am a child of the 80’s..can someone please define for me what exactly is traditional dating values. I mean are talking about picking up at the door..instead of meeting at the location..I mean define traditional for me first.

Also, I am about over folks talking about change..change and yet they want the same thing in some cases. We are not living the lives our parents or grandparents lead..50 years ago. Despite technology..more women are working outside of the home because frankly to live and raise children in our society..it takes two incomes..or one really solid stable income to keep a family afloat. With unemployment hovering close to depression era numbers(remember they don’t count those who have fallen off unemployment and those who are not looking cause they have given up)..but I digress.

Lucinda

August 11th, 2010
9:10 am

Courting? Yes! It shows respect for me, that I am not a booty call. Take the lead? Yes! It shows thoughtfulness and consideration. Be a gentleman? Yes! It shows you honor me as a woman and treasure our differences.

I manage this by finding a man who shares core values. This does not mean that I cannot fix a leaky sink, or change the oil on my car or lift heavy objects. It does mean that if you court me right, you will see that I can be a lady in the living room and… you know.

Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:15 am

Good Morning Blog Crew!!!!!

Simple Man!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:16 am

Morning Ladies!!!! It seems like this is a case for ladies wanting their cake and eating it too!!! Now I have no issues with traditional dating roles, but I as a man, it is sometimes difficult to figure out where the line is between those roles. Women sometimes flip flop from minute to minute and thats not fair to either person!!!

Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:22 am

Simple Man you have a point….BTW hello!

Jack

August 11th, 2010
9:22 am

Traditional dating values and everything else traditional are around the bend. Everything traditional has been replaced with slick and sick Hollywood values. We are in trouble.

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
9:26 am

Again Ladies we are talking about what we can do around our homes..and that we can buy a home..yada yada. But I have to agree with Simple Man on this..you can flip flop. What is traditional dating. or as Lucinda stated courting? I mean if you meet a guy at Lowes on Tuesday and you agree to talk with him via the phone and then set a date to go out is that not courting? I mean its not the Sunday social at the local Baptist church but its really kind of the same thang? I mean how exactly is one more traditional than the other?

Like the saying goes..Write the vision and make it plain.

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
9:27 am

YES, it is possible to be both. I run things at work, and make things happen; however, I love it when a man takes lead in my dating life. There is something super sexy and comforting when a relationship falls in tune with tradition IMO

Dirty D I agree, and because I “run things” at work I would like to leave that persona at the door when i come home to my s/o. Doin it all is highly over-rated.

Trevor0529

August 11th, 2010
9:27 am

Good Morning,

IMO, the words traditional and modern are relative. For example, I think traditional for man is to be chivalrous (opening the door, pulling out her seat at the table, etc) and modern is having the latest tech gadgets. It is up to you to define those terms for yourself. Don’t leave it up to society to define them.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
9:27 am

@Lucinda you said it best ^5…respect, core values and not reducing me to a booty call.

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
9:31 am

and not reducing me to a booty call.

I think people reduce themselves to a booty call, not the other party. People do what you allow them to do to you, so if you keep answering the phone during peak booty call hours, and in turn keep giving up the booty whose fault is that but your own? That’s just my view on it.

blue

August 11th, 2010
9:37 am

GM all,

^5 to the ladies who have already posted, do not relegate me to booty call status, and i would like to be able to leave the boss lady persona aside at times for someone else to take the lead.
but as Kym said, as a child of the 80s essentially, and a single child mostly raised by her dad, what exactly would traditional be? i mean i can play football, tend the grill, and handle all my own home improvement projects, so not sure what box i fall in, traditional woman, non traditional, what exactly is considered traditional?

Lucinda

August 11th, 2010
9:37 am

Courting means taking the time and making the effort to get to know me before you try to tap me. Talk with me, ask me questions, start to understand what makes me tick. Figure out where I come from, what my family is like, what my life experience is. There is no way to do this quickly. It just takes time. That’s courting.

The physical has to come more slowly. You can’t be truly intimate with somebody you don’t know. If you are interested, let it move little by little.

Most of us know, if the ish is good, it messes with one’s judgment — you let things slide you otherwise wouldn’t, you overlook stuff you should consider more carefully. It definitely can lead to bad decisions. Been there, done that.

Simple Man!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:37 am

You ladies talk about the booty call like its a bad thing….

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
9:37 am

TODAY’S HOT FACT..
Until you are actually wearing that dude’s name, ring,or sharing essential expenses..then everything else is a booty call.

Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:38 am

pk correct! how is it going honey?!? :)

Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:39 am

hmmmmm kym what about an exclusive relationship?!? Or is that considered single to …..rhetorical I know lol!

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
9:39 am

@Blue my daddy raised me and my sister too!!.but I was the more girly girl.. my sister..she should have been boy! LOL.

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
9:40 am

hey Lady

It’s going :)

Lucinda

August 11th, 2010
9:40 am

Simple Man
Nothing wrong with a booty call if both people understand that’s what it is and aren’t trying to make it into something more than that. We all like some good lovin’, but if it’s booty call only, it ‘aint a relationship.

The key is recognizing the difference between the two.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
9:41 am

@PK I am glad you understand where I am coming from. I have no desire to lead, manage, run or dictate a household. I don’t mind working and assisting with paying bills and using my knowledge to assist him in making decisions, weighing pros and cons, but I just don’t want to “wear the pants” in the house. This pantsuit at work is enough. When I am home I like being the lady. Simply put, there is a difference in manipulating the situation to get the best of both worlds, and knowing how to naviagate in both worlds.

Lucinda

August 11th, 2010
9:43 am

Kym
August 11th, 2010
9:37 am

Disagree! It depends on the level of intimacy, connection, understading, caring… and whether it is exclusive, committed, leading to marriage, or not.

Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:43 am

yep lucinda!!!!

DD too funny!

blue

August 11th, 2010
9:46 am

@Kym – woulda been cool to have a sister, but alas, just me. and my mom was dealing with serious illness for years, so it was me up under my dad. he had is own home improvement business, so that was my first job. he never really let me get into the girly girl stuff, just wasnt really my personality either. has now turned two fold – i love going into Home Depot and confusing the guys cause im there to get more than plants and lawn furniture, but i have 2 girls who want everything pink and purple and covered in Barbie and i cant relate! lmao

@Lucinda – agreed, Booty calls have their place – and as long as both parties understand that, all is well. but hey, even married folks can have booty calls ;)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
9:46 am

@PK as for the booty call if I am dressed conservative and you meet me in a conservative event, yet I still receive a text message at 1:15 am saying “what are you doing.” IMO, that means you are looking for something that is not respectful to me. Since I did not text my own phone, I did not allow anything. I am not sure of your dating experience in Atlanta, but there are a lot of people that will play games, and your actions or in-actions have nothing to do with the nonsense. Sort of like M.dot mentioned a few days ago when ol’ girl wanted to bring her friend along for free drinks/dinner. He had no control over her request. (That is where I am coming from). I understand you probably mean a person that allows someone they deal with to do unacceptable things to them and reward that person for doing those things–that is different from what I am speaking of.

Deep Throat!

August 11th, 2010
9:47 am

Guys do you find it endearing or annoying when a modern woman has traditional dating values?

good morning folks

Sometimes,in these topics, you have to define what you mean Diva..what is traditional to you??

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
9:50 am

Simply put, there is a difference in manipulating the situation to get the best of both worlds, and knowing how to naviagate in both worlds.

^5 Diana, very well spoken.

but if it’s booty call only, it ‘aint a relationship.

The key is recognizing the difference between the two.

Lucinda: exactly and if “you” know a booty call situation is not what you want then like I said, stop answering that person’s call during peak booty call hours and consistently giving up the booty when you know your “need/desire of a relationship” are not being met.

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
9:51 am

@Lucinda..I understand what you said about courting and sex..but as it was stated earlier..that is dictated by the person.

I think for whatever reason when we(women) hear or see the word dating we think relationship..where as men(tripods) hear or see the word dating and think eat, good times, possible sex.

There is the disconnect.

Seriously, if we ask our grandparents..I am sure they can tell you the story of how they got busy in the rumble seat down by the creek on the first date with Johnny Mack..he was almost your granddaddy. But I digress again.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
9:52 am

Until you are actually wearing that dude’s name, ring,or sharing essential expenses..then everything else is a booty call.

@Kym, lets take a moment to analyze your statement and logic for the purpose of clarification. Are you saying that even couples that do not believe in marriage, perhaps share the same dwelling and they are raising child(ren) together with a long-term committment to each other are nothing but a booty call? How does one transition from nothing but, sex to a marriage if their relationship is reduced to only sex? What about the segment of our society that cannot marry legally; however they have strong partnership and love for each other–is that a booty call relationship, considering the courts don’t honor their vows? How about those that keeps a vow of chastity until they marry, even without sex are you saying they are still just booty calls?

Please help me to understand your point in there are only two categories (1) booty calls and (2) marriages

Deep Throat!

August 11th, 2010
9:52 am

Until you are actually wearing that dude’s name, ring,or sharing essential expenses..then everything else is a booty call.

@Kym, u so right!

If you want traditional,then go traditional..that means no bootey or deep suckling be4 the ring…

Is that what WD means by traditional ??

DreamsMaterialize

August 11th, 2010
9:53 am

Morning
What’s considered “traditional” changes with time. We have a different idea of traditional than our kids, but our parents had a different idea of it than we do, and so on. I think a modern woman who wants to maintain “traditional” dating values is getting the best of both worlds. Why wouldn’t she want that? It’s a win-win for her.

but if it’s booty call only, it ‘aint a relationship.
Lucinda but it IS a relationship…a booty call relationship.

Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:55 am

yeah for the ones in my family their wedding anniversaries coincides with their oldest child bday…..they got married soon after is my point….lol

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
9:55 am

Diana,

While I see what you are saying, you shut it down automatically correct. You did not respond to the text and I’m pretty sure you made it know that they would have to make contact with you during respectable hours, correct?

I’m talkin about when one person knowing full well what they seek is a relationship, but they keep allowing the other person to contact them at booty call hours and then giving them the booty. You have then allowed yourself to be relegated to booty call status. If you only hearing from said person during booty call hours and you continue to respond that’s on you, not them cause your actions say to them it’s ok.

Feel me?

Lady-being kind ROCKS!!!!

August 11th, 2010
9:56 am

dreamsM funny! lol it is what it is! LOL

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
9:57 am

but it IS a relationship…a booty call relationship.

:lol:

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
9:58 am

@Lucinda..

If you have to arrange a place and time for the sex…that’s a booty call. Married people, couples living together.. spend all their waking moments and most of their nights with the same person.

blue

August 11th, 2010
9:58 am

ok, so i meant married people can have booty calls with each other , no outside parties. figured id better clear that up b4 i get pegged with some unkind name, lol. not at all opposed to SO calling at work out of the blue and saying hey im downstairs, come meet me on your lunch break…

Leggs

August 11th, 2010
9:59 am

Good morning, Blogsville.

“It seems like this is a case for ladies wanting their cake and eating it too!!!” – @SimpleMan ~ seems like you guys have been doing this since the dawn of time and now you think it’s wrong for women to want it. WOW.

To date me, you have to court me. Show me I mean more to you than a booty call, respect me and my values. If you don’t care to do this, I have no problem waiting on the one that will.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
10:00 am

Pk, you know what at that point I made it clear that any further contact is unwanted since he did not have enough sense to call me at a proper time, so he was advised to kindly delete my contact information.

I feel you on the other one, we are talking about two different issues and I do agree with you on that issue in your second paragraph. You are correct at that point you allowed someone to reduce you to a butt call.

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
10:02 am

@Diana..my Hot fact was very simple and I don’t think I said or implied only marriages. But I will clarify..Married, Ring, sharing of essential expenses(define as rent or mortagage, light bill, phone, cable, gas,childcare,etc) That can occur with a couple be they gay or straight but live together.

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
10:03 am

you know what at that point I made it clear that any further contact is unwanted since he did not have enough sense to call me at a proper time, so he was advised to kindly delete my contact information.

Diana :lol: i figured as much

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
10:05 am

@Kym you are still not clear, because I asked you about this fact as well.

How about those that keeps a vow of chastity until they marry, even without sex are you saying they are still just booty calls?

DCRose

August 11th, 2010
10:07 am

Good morning all.

I think each person must define what they consider to be traditional. Yes we own our own homes, can do repairs and cut the grass, but being a gentleman and accepting that courtesey never goes out of style.

I agree with PK, people can only do to you what you allow. Take no prisoners when it comes to how you believe you deserve to be treated and courted.

PrincessNik..still recovering

August 11th, 2010
10:08 am

Blue where is the a.m. quote?

:)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 11th, 2010
10:08 am

@Deep Throat LOL :arrow: deep suckling be4 the ring not suckling

Kym-So you can Run and Tell That!..Homeboy!

August 11th, 2010
10:08 am

How can you have a booty call without sex..is not sex the essential purpose of the booty call? So if a person is keeping a vow of chastity they would not be engaged in sex..meaning they would not be having booty calls..they would be dating.

Question for you.. is your only way to define dating is to associate it with sex or the pursuit of sex?

Mrs. Tazzee

August 11th, 2010
10:09 am

Morning All!

I consider myself a modern woman. Modern in the sense that I have a career, most of the latest gadgets, will fight my man to the TV to watch a football game and I am nowhere near Suzie Homemaker. However I believe in and held out for the traditional dating values. A man that asked me out on our first dates – in advance – and yes, he paid for those initial dates. A man that is chivalrous. Our initial communications weren’t via text. By the third date, I knew what his intentions were. He pursued me and I loved the pursuit.

Elijah ( Today is a good day!)

August 11th, 2010
10:10 am

Good Morning all!

Hola Professor
Hello Lady-J

Traditional values of dating has been changed we all have to what we think will land us the prize.. Hopefully as a man you will court the lady

On another note I notice the (Infamous knucklehead) mention my name last week when speaking on the topic of child support and someone not agreeing with his opinion. Dude, normally I would even respond to such immature statements. I am going to send you a dose of maturity it seems you have not learn your lesson. Dude if I was in on Friday and disagreed with you opinion you would have known it came from me….

Now Booty calls have their place and they are good for the soul… lol…..I believe when women set their boundaries and stick to it most men will follow those boundaries.