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Dateonomics: Is dating worth it?

When you consider the amount of time, money, and effort we invest in finding a mate, you can’t help but notice the costs and benefits of dating.  We may reach the point where it’s hard to see that it’s worth all of that investment though!

If we weren’t sinking our money in to online dating, going out, gym memberships, and other mate-baiting activities, would we still get the same return on our investment in dating?  I can remember an older woman told me to spend less time and money into man hunting and focus on travel and leading a fantastic life.   She said she never looked back and said, “Gee, if only I had bought more lipstick!”

It makes me wonder if single people are paying too much for the opportunity to meet someone special. Do you think we spend too much time and money on dating and relationships?

What is the most you are willing to spend to attend a single’s mixer? What about an online dating service or matchmaker?

Do you think the money we spend impacts our self-esteem and ability to attract a mate?

What are your thoughts on dating economics? Have you had to reconsider your approach to dating in this economy?

303 comments Add your comment

blue

August 10th, 2010
8:54 am

GM all,

First!

Kym-Clark Howard's Distant Cousin

August 10th, 2010
8:59 am

Good Morning All,

I am cheap..I don’t deny it..I like shopping but if I am not getting it for a bargain..no need to shop. Now as for single mixers and matchmaking..if it is not free..it is not for me. My friends will tell you I am all about entertainment under 15.00 dollars..(okay 30 if you say dinner) but I am not going broke to meet someone. Heck I can meet guys for free while picking up produce in Kroger. 50 or 100 bucks to mix and mingle. I’ll pass.

It's me....lurker

August 10th, 2010
9:12 am

If you’re paying to date, you’re paying too much.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 10th, 2010
9:12 am

Hola!

Hmmmmm, this topic is why I asked Simple Man how much he spends on dating when he mentioned the number of times he goes out in a week. I guess you can say I spend a lot hanging with friends, eating dinner, etc. However I do things for fun and entertainment not to find that “husband.” I am in a good place right now, and I am cool with where I am; everything is about my overall happiness not some search for a man.

I am not on a dating service, when I go to the gym it is not that trendy place to meet a man, and I love going out to eat, but that is more about my tummy, than a man.

QC

August 10th, 2010
9:12 am

SlimOne

August 10th, 2010
9:13 am

Good morning,

@Kym I’m with you on paying for single’s mixers, matchmaking, online dating sites….I’m all about the free free and I don’t go out with the intention of meeting a guy. I go out to have fun, let my hair down, get my eat/dance/drink on.

That is all

For Real

August 10th, 2010
9:16 am

What up Blog Fam ummm or should I say Blue and Kym….

This statement has ruined dating: “It ain’t trickin if you got it” before people (woman) respected the wallet and understood that until a relationship has been established respect the wallet.

For Real

August 10th, 2010
9:20 am

Oh and those that pay to find a man/woman are IMO sad. Live and you will meet those you are suppose to meet because they to are living. I know pastor told you to claim your man and it will be but life doesn’t work that way. Claim life and you will find all that you seek.

For Real now wondering why he is speaking with an Middle Eastern Indian accent.

blue

August 10th, 2010
9:26 am

hey For Real!

seems like paying for the mixers and singles events just puts way too much pressure on it, now your trying to get your moneys worth, make sure the online dating works so that you havent wasted your membership fee.
just do what you do normally, and you’ll meet someone when your supposed to. cool thing then is if you meet them doing what you normally do, then you know for sure you have something in common!

SlimOne

August 10th, 2010
9:29 am

The guy i’m dating and I were discussing dating & puddy. He asked when was it appropriate for a guy to expect puddy…is it after 1st date? 2nd date? Meet & Greet in parking lot of Atlantic Station?
Since obviously times are a little harder due to decline of economy, do fellas (who normally pay for a date) expect a faster return on what they put out on a date?

@For Real – would you like a slurpie?

Leggs

August 10th, 2010
9:37 am

Good morning.

No need to rub it in Ms. Blue (lol).

Hello QC. Hope all is well with you.

Kym-Clark Howard's Distant Cousin

August 10th, 2010
9:41 am

@For Real I don’t think they are sad..I just think it is a waste of money when you met folks all the time..I do agree with you my “BlaHindi friend”-lol that you when you live your best life..the good comes to you.

Kym-Clark Howard's Distant Cousin

August 10th, 2010
9:42 am

Hey there QC What’s up lady!?

Melo

August 10th, 2010
9:44 am

The guy i’m dating and I were discussing dating & puddy……….do fellas expect a faster return on what they put out on a date?

@Slimone??

why dont u answer ur own qstion since u and ur guy were discussing this?

did u give him sympathy puddy or u made him wait and marinated the puddy a lil bit.

Its been almost six months now since u started talking about that chameleon guy..im sure he has hit it now! :lol:

Melo-Ndini

August 10th, 2010
9:46 am

Introductions…..new on the blog

I never understand how you have to pay to date. I guess as you get older your opportunities dwindle more and more but then there is a lot that you can do, join a lot of free clubs alumnus etc…
So yesterday I went to Home Depot and I saw these two beautiful women shopping (confused of course) and I started helping them and bammmm I got some digits.
Ladies, ladies, ladies hear me out, just walk to Home Depot, Lowes and pretend to shop you will find very cool men out there, muscle built too.

For Real

August 10th, 2010
9:54 am

Blue: My child have a seat on my knee. No dear the other knee… there you have it.. Now, we have something in common.

Slim: “do fellas (who normally pay for a date) expect a faster return on what they put out on a date?” – For me time nor paying for date is a determining factor in deciding when sex will happen. If two adults want to have sex with each other day 1 or day 2 of dating in not important.

“would you like a slurpie” – Why yes, red flavor preferably I like the shade of blue it turn the AAD.

Kym: “I don’t think they are sad..I just think it is a waste of money when you met folks all the time” – Ah my good friend but isn’t the wasting of money sad?

SexyCool

August 10th, 2010
9:54 am

Some of the things mentioned in Wise’s post are not always specific to just dating. Most of those things could just be a part of enjoying life’s leisure activities and things that you do to improve your quality of life and celebrate friendships.

As to a gym membership being a mate-baiting activity, I *guess* I could see the logic behind it. However, I would think it would be reasonable to expect that the greatest benefit to an activity such as working out and taking proper care of yourself would be improved health as opposed to trying to stay in shape to catch a mate.

I am whatever you say I am

August 10th, 2010
9:55 am

I’m taking a dating hiatus.
Very cost effective :-D
I mean heck, it’s a recession and with that, the quality out there has dropped anyway.

SlimOne

August 10th, 2010
9:56 am

Melo – he was asking me with regards to past dating experiences…I don’t necessarily kiss & tell but I’ll say we didn’t rush into anything. (I’ll leave you to use your imagination and make up all the intricate details) :mrgreen:

SlimOne

August 10th, 2010
9:58 am

@For Real – sorry all we have is pink slurpie…and it even comes with this neat clear dental dim…oops I meant mouth toilet. lol

For Real

August 10th, 2010
9:58 am

Oh and one more ting my friends, the dating woes that one is experiencing is the sole responsibility of the person in the mirror.

For Real

August 10th, 2010
10:01 am

Slim: “sorry all we have is pink slurpie…and it even comes with this neat clear dental dim…oops I meant mouth toilet” – Ah there is nothing like Kamasutra in the morning.

kimmie

August 10th, 2010
10:02 am

Good morning!

Yes, Home Depot, Lowes (& Publix) are great places to meet men! Usually they are men that know how to do things around the house and work with their hands. Built too!

I agree with everyone about living your best life and doing what you do and you will not only meet wonderful people, but have great experiences! See new places, eat new foods, see different sites, go places. Do things that REALLY interest YOU, not just to meet someone, but things that will enrich your life. You will be so into what you are experiencing that you will give off a good, positive vibe that will no doubt attract quality!

I tested this weekend along with my SO’s kids and we are now red belts! After that, brown and then we’ll test for black belts in March! SO will be testing for his black belt next month. Don’t mess with us! I feel such a sense of accomplishment though! Never dreamed I’d get this far, but it is really happening!

Leggs

August 10th, 2010
10:03 am

Welcome to Blogsville, Melo-Ndini. Let me know if you plan on staying for a while and I will order you a blog vest. With this recession, I can no longer hand them out all willy nilly.

I agree with meeting men at Loews / Home Depot.

For Real

August 10th, 2010
10:06 am

What about meeting men at Dollar General?

blue

August 10th, 2010
10:06 am

@Ndini – lol. im at Home Depot and Leows quite often, fixing one thing or another around the house, and one of my favorite games is “see how long it takes for the dudes to assume your lost and dont know what you’re doing?” considering how little time it takes, i say your suggestion should work like a charm!
@Kimmie – Congratulations :) what form of martial arts are you practicing?

Leggs

August 10th, 2010
10:06 am

Congratulations, kimmie! I feel your “beam” way over here! Good for you. Now, go kick a chair!

Kym-Clark Howard's Distant Cousin

August 10th, 2010
10:09 am

@For Real..true that is sad.

blue

August 10th, 2010
10:11 am

@Leggs – would this be a bad time to mention that i seem to have misplaced my blog vest? i think Fred must have sold it to support his Sweet Tart habit…..

Kym-Clark Howard's Distant Cousin

August 10th, 2010
10:12 am

For Real

August 10th, 2010
10:06 am
What about meeting men at Dollar General?

LMAO!!! SURE WHY NOT?!

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 10th, 2010
10:12 am

Tuesday

“What are your thoughts on dating economics? Have you had to reconsider your approach to dating in this economy?”
I think single people should just focus on doing things they like to do and if you meet someone cool if not cool. If you like to travel, rock climb, socialize, keep doing it. The good thing is you are still doing what you like to do and getting a good experience out of it.

I think where single people mess up is the idea of actually getting out the house. I know people are busy, tired, have other things going on and a million other excuses but we have to do our part and be willing to get out and date. Also dating is an activity that doesnt have to break the bank but some cost is involved. With the internet, you can discover new places that are fun and in your price range.

Its funny that @Kym mentioned cheap. I was just discussing this with a friend and I notice there is an influx of cheap men and women out lately. I understand being cost conscious, but trying to cut a corner and save a dollar every where you can is a major turnoff if you are serious about dating. It wont kill you to order an lemonade. Dont ask the waiter for 5 lemons, splenda and make your own lemonade. I hate broke energy. lol.

Melo-Ndini

August 10th, 2010
10:13 am

@ leggs thank you, it’s my intention to be here for long but work circumstances change but will be checking.

kimmie

August 10th, 2010
10:13 am

Now, go kick a chair!

LOL!!! :lol: Thanks Leggs & blue!

blue – It is called Choi Kwang Do, and it’s an offshoot of Tai Kwon Do. The movements are more rounded and not snappy so it’s easier on the body.

Kym-Clark Howard's Distant Cousin

August 10th, 2010
10:20 am

@M.Dot..If I want lemonade I will order lemonade..but I am not going to go some place or do anything more than what my pocketbook can afford. That is the reason why some folks are eating beans out of the can Monday-Friday..and trying to ball on at Longhorns on Saturday. If I can’t afford it I won’t do it. This quote says it all..

“We spend money we don’t have, on things we don’t need, to create impressions that won’t last, on people we don’t care about.”

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 10th, 2010
10:20 am

@SlimOne

I dont think guys really have a timetable in their head of when things should progress to the next level. It depends on the chemistry. I am really cautious about who I deal with on that level. Its to late in the day to just be laying around willy nilly. Also guys definatley have to be cautious because you never know the effect being physical will have on her. She could be crazy and taking things to the next level just may maker her crazy. This goes for guys also. We were also discussing when is it a good time for guys to let a woman know where he lives. I say 2-3 months. Times have changed! What do yall think?

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 10th, 2010
10:23 am

@Kym

I feel that. I was saying about people being cheap in the dating scene for no reason. Like you said if you dont have longhorn money, dont go there. Go somewhere in your price range and make the most out of it.

SlimOne

August 10th, 2010
10:25 am

‘What about meeting men at Dollar General?’

For Real – why you playing, I actually say a nice looking brutha in there about 2weeks ago when I went in for a few cleaning supplies. I assume he had just come from Gold’s Gym next door…Hmph hmph hmph! So you can’t sleep on DG.

Mdot – ‘We were also discussing when is it a good time for guys to let a woman know where he lives. I say 2-3 months’

Um…in a perfect world it would take that long for a dude to let you know where they live. However, dudes i’ve met haven’t seemed to care too much on you coming over…In many cases, they probably prefer you come to the Lions Den :evil: It’s, how they say in sports, home court advantage lol

Raqi

August 10th, 2010
10:27 am

I believe that your returns are very much a result of what you put in. Not exactly monetarily but in time and efforts. Relationships take time and effort and if you are not putting in the time and making the efforts chances are you will not get much of a return.

However, the going to the gym and spending money on your appearance should not be about finding a mate but about who you are as a person. Either it’s who you are or it’s not. If you are faking the funk just to snag that special someone they are going in feel lied to when you can’t or don’t keep it after in a relationship.

We choose based on what we like. And what we like is usually what we see. If you are not the party guy don’t be out partying to find a woman and then become couch potato Carl after the fact. If you are an avid church goer don’t not reveal to snag a man and then try to “convert” him after the fact. How you present yourself is what the person is going to be looking for once you become that couple.

As for the online dating, that all depends. If you want to spend the money and feel that the return is worth then by all means do that.

But as for dating as a whole, I do believe if you don’t put anything in you probably will not be getting much back. Now “finding the one” should not be your side gig. LOL While you shouldn’t be lazy at dating it should not be like a second job. It should be fun.

Meeting folks is easy, establishing the relationship takes time, maintaining the relationship takes efforts. And sometimes it may cost you a little. If a person is not worth your time that is probably not the one for you.

As with anything else in life, stay within your means and you should be just fine. :wink:

blue

August 10th, 2010
10:28 am

@kimmie – mr.blue is into martial arts, but i will be honest, im a little too scared of the pain aspect lol. how long have you been practicing?

i'm swiss™

August 10th, 2010
10:28 am

“We were also discussing when is it a good time for guys to let a woman know where he lives. I say 2-3 months”

M dot:lol: Yeah, you have to treat the crib like the Bat Cave until you’re sure you’re not dealing w/ a potential boiled-rabbit-in-a-pot chic. “My place? Uh… er… well, yeah, I could take you to my place… Here, put this blindfold on. Now roll up your sleeve & hold still… You’re going to feel a slight pinch…:lol:

kimmie

August 10th, 2010
10:30 am

It should be fun.

Too many people miss this.

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 10th, 2010
10:31 am

@SlimOne

I feel you but also but like I said, times have changed. Some males and females are alot more scandelous these days and you really dont know their intentions.

@Everyone

I just saw a good question on twitter:

Question: Whats the on thing that you waste money on, that you know you shouldnt?

Answer: Undeserving Women

What does everyone think?

As I always say, guys every woman you meet doesnt deserve dinner. Some females are waffle house material, some are starbucks, cold stone, golden coral material lol. Know before you go! ;)

kimmie

August 10th, 2010
10:37 am

blue – It’s been 2 years. That’s the good thing about CKD. It’s not hard on the body at all. In fact, that is one of the selling points – the health benefits. There are very young kids in it and older adults. The founder is still alive, based here in Atlanta, and is almost 70. He teaches classes and can bend his body like a rubber band.

They take you thru stretching exercises at the beginning of each class. There is not a big emphasis on sparring and “beating” someone up, though you are taught self-defense techniques. When we do spar, we wear safety equipment.

I bruise easy, so yes, I was concerned. I have seen some bad injuries from other forms of martial arts. But so far, so good!

SlimOne

August 10th, 2010
10:38 am

i’m swiss – LOL at you drugging your date before you send her to the Batcave…why not take the easier way and get you one of those Men In Black Neuralizers – Memory zappers? lol

For Real

August 10th, 2010
10:38 am

Slim: I ain’t slippin on DG that’s my favorite store. I can everything I need in one stop and the most important thing is they are never crowded. In and out in 17.9 seconds… oops thinking about something else. I meant in and out in 10 minutes. Don’t want to ruin my rep with the ladies.

Kimmie: Isn’t that Bruce Lee’s karate?

Mdot: “We were also discussing when is it a good time for guys to let a woman know where he lives. I say 2-3 months” – You ain’t neva lied that’s why I stay with my mamma in the basement cause she needs some help with the bills and it just made more sense for me to move in instead of giving her money for her bills.

For Real

August 10th, 2010
10:41 am

Slim: check out this site the dude from the Hangover is crazy. It’s called Between Two Ferns

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6ae880a42b/between-two-ferns-with-zach-galifianakis?playlist=135161

Leggs

August 10th, 2010
10:42 am

@Melo-Ndini ~ here’s your blog vest. Not sure if you’ve been lurking to know when to put it on so here goes: When things get heated in this camp you are to don your vest ASAP. Shrapnel can hit innocent bystanders at any time. You are not to ask for a replacement vest unless you have 6+ zinger holes (scathing words). CATCH…..

@blue ~ I’ve told you on more than one occasion Fred remindes me a goat. You can’t leave items around. He loves marshmellows so of course he’ll eat your pillowy vest. CATCH….pls guard this one more carefully!!!

You can meet men/woman at the Dollar General, but you have to take into consideration the location of said store in terms of its customers.

Most gym memberships are not to meet men but to better the body for a longer, more productive life! Well, for some of us that is.

@Raqi ~ very good advice!

Leggs

August 10th, 2010
10:47 am

@M. ~ I think most know upfront that the person was undeserving before they wasted their money. Only a good conman’s rap is good enough to not have those tiny antennas standup at the nape of one’s neck!!! Hindsight is 20/20, but a lot sensed it and spent the money anyway.

Purple Rain

August 10th, 2010
10:48 am

I never understood the concept to pay a website to date nor going to the gym to pick up a date.

SlimOne

August 10th, 2010
10:49 am

For Real – i’ll have to check it out when I get home…