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Dating: Sending mixed messages?

There are certain single men who claim that they want to be single and free but they expect things from women that one would call “girlfriend stuff.”  I wonder if men experience the same with women.  Do men meet women who say they don’t want a man yet they call men up and ask for favors that are usually done by boyfriends or husbands?

It’s the worst form of mixed messages you can get in dating.  That “you’re not the one but I sure want you to act like it until I find them” mixed message.  Actually, it’s not even a completely mixed message, it’s pretty clear what is being said.  People who want all the perks of relationships without an actual committed relationship are the reason a lot of us become bitter.  Ok, it’s why I get bitter

What do you do when someone is giving you this kind of mixed message in dating? Do you cut them off altogether?

Are you guilty of doing this to someone? Have you been called on it?

386 comments Add your comment

Lady-My Challenger ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 9th, 2010
8:31 am

Good Morning Good People!!!!!!!

SlimOne

August 9th, 2010
8:58 am

Gooooood mawning….

I shole can’t wait to read the comments on this topic. Hope everyone had a decent weekend.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:00 am

Hola!

Lady, wassup! Have a wonderful school day, I know you are kicking your back 2 school clothes.

2CPTG---I'm just your friend!

August 9th, 2010
9:03 am

“Do men meet women who say they don’t want a man yet they call men up and ask for favors that are usually done by boyfriends or husbands?”

Lawd Yes!!! Quick to let you know we’re “just friends,” but yet, will still ask for money and shyt like that….I’m like, nah lil mama, you got a dude lying next to you every night, ask that fool!!! It’d be different if you were single and needed a lil help every now and then, but not when you a got a man!!!! Naw!

DreamsMaterialize

August 9th, 2010
9:09 am

Morning
I don’t get this too much. I try to never make an interaction more than what it is. That’s when you set yourself up for disappointment. If we’re just haning out, then that’s what it is…no more no less.

Hey Lady, Slim, Double D’s, how you all doing this morning?

Simple Man!!!!

August 9th, 2010
9:10 am

Morning Folks!!! I have a simple rule when it comes to Boyfriend duties…I will do what ever you ask as long as it does not require you to have a key to my house or me to have a Key to yours….

Lady-My Challenger ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 9th, 2010
9:17 am

Hey DreamsM!!!!! All is well can’t complain!!!!! :)

Dirty Diana my baby made my day!!!!! :) As long as she is fine I am fine! ;)

mixed signals do not rock @ all!!!! LOL

Kym-Give me your heart, make it real..or just forget about it!

August 9th, 2010
9:20 am

Good Morning All,

Yes!! Testify!! Yes!! and you are not Bitter Betsy alone. I know these kinds of dudes. How best do you deal with them? Cut them low and keep it moving.

i'm swiss™

August 9th, 2010
9:24 am

This is just a personality flaw that you’ll find in some men & women alike — selfish people who will use anyone & everyone (that will allow it) for their own gain. There’s a simple solution: just don’t deal with these kinds of people.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:24 am

DreamsM I am doing great this morning. How are you, and did you have a great weekend?

@Simple man, why you don’t want to give that key out? Are you scared you are going to get caught?

@Lady so true mix signals are pie. However, I said it before on this going green topic, instead of sitting around trying to figure out the mix signal just ask the other party. Mix signals can be casted to the side with proper communication; grown folks need to talk, open and honest communication works folks should try it sometimes.

Simple Man!!!!

August 9th, 2010
9:26 am

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:24 am

In a word….Yes!!! LOL :)
If we are just practicing she does not need to be snooping around the crib!!

i'm swiss™

August 9th, 2010
9:27 am

Oh, and good morning, everybody!

Two off-topic observations:

1) That Tim Tebow haircut is freakin’ hilarious

2) This could only happen to my people:roll:

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
9:28 am

What do you do when someone is giving you this kind of mixed message in dating? Do you cut them off altogether?

This has definitely happened to me… I’ve been introduced to the parents and all the friends and been part of the long term plan…but yet they get freaked out when the “relationship” word comes up. I remember mentioning to one guy that we were “dating” and he was confused by the word. Once I defined it, he was like “oh, I guess we are…” :arrow:

Ultimately, you have to cut them off altogether. You can’t have a relationship if you aren’t on the same page, and especially when one party doesn’t think you’re in one…

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
9:29 am

Oh and good morning everyone. It’s always a good weekend when I get white sand in my toes! :)

Kimmy

August 9th, 2010
9:30 am

I ended my last relationship over this very reason. In fact I told him that “he wanted girlfriend stuff be didn’t do boyfriend stuff”. He wanted all the perks like cooking, hanging with his friends, etc. but wouldn’t do the things I thought a boyfriend should so. I kept telling him and finally called it quits because at the end I made his life a lot better and he drained me. At first I did it because I cared, but with nothing in return I became upset and couldn’t keep going because I was emotionally empty. Sad thing is he still didn’t get it. Everyone wants to perks and many want it without any work on their part. When you run across these people run. Don’t be surprised if they don’t start out like that but slowly change into one.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:34 am

Here is my repost, when we dealt with this topic before:

If you are not the GF/BF please do not do the following:

1. Try to attend family events, and look :???: when folks ask about the relationship

2. Please do not request my FB friends as your friends.

3. Please do not ask me questions such as who am I traveling with, attending shows with etc.

4. Please stay in your lane.

If you are not the wife please do not do the following:

1. Do not run over to that man’s house cooking and cleaning like as if you are Florence/Molly Maid

2. Do not try to be a stepmom to the kids, it takes a marriage certificate for that job to be official.

3. Do not try to spend the night over there every night, unless you all are shacking

4. Do not try to pretend you all are getting married if you do not have an engagement ring, and pretend that things are forever.

5. Do not , and I repeat DO NOT pay his bills, let him “borrow your car” or have him running in/out of your space.

6. Do not share and talk about your money with him or to him, you are not his wife and you do not have to disclose how you spend your money. The talk will come when marriage is on the horizon.

7. Do not go over there washing, drying and folding his clothes every week.

It is ok to help out here and there esp. if something is going on in his life, but don’t play the married maid.

These rules go for both parties.

Lady-My Challenger ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 9th, 2010
9:36 am

pretty much DD and your list ROCKS!!!!!! ^5 to you chica! ;)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:38 am

@Swiss sitting in a sauna that hot is crazy as hell… :evil: I don’t get it :???: I was hoping there was a huge cash prize. Post the Tim Tebow haircut I haven’t seen it

i'm swiss™

August 9th, 2010
9:44 am

Here you go, Dirty D. The veterans gave him the Friar Tuck cut… :lol:

PrincessNik..School is in session!

August 9th, 2010
9:44 am

Hey all!

Great Lists DD

I’ve been introduced to the parents and all the friends and been part of the long term plan…but yet they get freaked out when the “relationship” word comes up. I remember mentioning to one guy that we were “dating” and he was confused by the word. Once I defined it, he was like “oh, I guess we are

Ared, been there done that also :roll: Finally I just said look we need to seperate cause your not willing to give me what i need as far as a relationship and i’m not willing to continue to give you what you want so Deuces….

Side note: can’t believe my baby started 2nd grade today :|

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:44 am

Lady,

I feel like so many ladies try to prove that they are GF worthy or wifey worthy, and that behavior reduces their skills and intelligence, because they want to show they can do those domestic things. In this day and time, most single people are homeowners, renters, dwellers, and shackers we know how to clean, organize, cook, and run a household. It is ok for women to show other things besides baking chicken and washing dishes. Hell, I can accomplish the same goals by calling the cleaning lady and ordering take-out, and serving the food on my nice dishes. Effort was made, and my thought should count for something, wouldn’t you think? Sometimes I feel like we are doing too much to get a title :arrow: girlfriend :arrow: Mrs.

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
9:47 am

So Dirty D – Are you saying don’t be acting like a wife, when you aren’t one like LeBron James girl?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20408793,00.html

She’s patiently waiting for that ring…though they have no plans to marry anytime soon…wonder why? :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:48 am

Lady, Challenger Rocks, and I am talking about the fully loaded SRT-8. Nothing but the top of the line. :grin:

@Swiss thanks…LOL

@PK awwww I hope little PK have a great day! I remember the second grade.

Lady-My Challenger ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 9th, 2010
9:49 am

you know my thoughts on sucking up air and heat DD……..show the papers! LOL

Lady-My Challenger ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 9th, 2010
9:50 am

Girl too damn funny she asked me several times where is the bus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMBAO!

SlimOne

August 9th, 2010
9:51 am

Dreams – howdie partner…how they hanging?

Mixed signals SUCK ARSE!

Leggs

August 9th, 2010
9:52 am

Good morning, everyone!

I am currently experiencing these “mixed” signals. Over the weekend, I had a convo with an interested party. He asked why I didn’t call him when I needed help in a particular area. I was somewhat surprised and informed him since we are just “getting to know each other,” I didn’t feel it right to ask for anything. His reply was “well, that’s what I’m here for!” I couldn’t even file this in the back of my mind, because it’s too early to even think along those lines. The fact that he’s eager to assist without us even defining if we in fact have a relationship puts my guard up. I don’t want anyone to give too much of himself so early while we’re getting to know each other and expect huge dividends in return. I’d rather walk at a slower pace.

Hope you all had a great weekend, and hope there were some nice “end of the day quotes” left in my absence.

blue

August 9th, 2010
9:52 am

GM all,

seems im a little late today….yall got it going already.
@swiss – wtf on that haircut? :lol:
@Diana – love the list

as far as mixed signals, yeah have been thru that one. came in the form of dont want to be exclusive but dont want you seeing anyone else. in other words he was free to do what he wanted but im supposed to stay committed waiting by the phone. had to tell him, naw aint my deal. theres no stamp on me say “property of _____”

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
9:52 am

Finally I just said look we need to seperate cause your not willing to give me what i need as far as a relationship and i’m not willing to continue to give you what you want so Deuces….

Yes, that’s basically what it boils down to. I have to take it old school and ask the young man what his intentions are, just like my daddy would if he was coming by the house to pick me up!

Then I have to keep asking down the road as things can change….

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
9:55 am

See, ARED I see two things here: (1) MONEY- she does not have to partake in any of the activities on my list “the help” will take care of that stuff. Plus, she is having the time of her life living in a mansion, spending his money and making babies for added CS insurance if this does not work out. (2) She does not have any hopes and dreams, or real education. All she wants to do is be associated with King James and say look, “I am his BM.” I hope he put a ring on it, because she is losing herself running behind him, playing wife during her formative years.

And you wonder why???? MONEY

i'm swiss™

August 9th, 2010
9:57 am

blue — Yeah, somebody on that team has a great sense of humor… They gave dude the Franciscan Monk haircut, since he’s such a Jesus freak… :lol:

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
9:57 am

DD – She’s not happy about moving to Miami cuz she knows those groupies are something relentless in South Beach. Even D Wade fell victim. She better put a GPS tracker on his ass! :lol:

But yes, living the lavish life as his girlfriend and baby mama in Miami is better than working at the Quick-E Mart in Cleveland! :lol:

Melo

August 9th, 2010
9:59 am

Morning folks,hope u had a nice week end!

Lady J hit me up, I got something very important to tell u.

On topic:
You can’t have a relationship if you aren’t on the same page, and especially when one party doesn’t think you’re in one…

Ladies,if u are getting to a situation where u cooking and sleeping over there or he is sleeping in urs and the relatiosnhip is undefined?? Atlanta we gotta a problem!

How are u getting all that far..seriously? what do u talk about when he calls…he wants u for what??

To the extend of being introduced to the parents and friends and sisters….? and he doesnt know he is in a relationship?? so u are introduced as what??

Comeone Now! Ared and PrincessNik?? :roll:

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
10:01 am

@blue thanks, and how is fred doing?

@Lady, tell her the limo is coming to drop her off! Oh yea, I better get the papers and the carats, because with anything less I am single under the IRS guidelines I need the lower taxes as well. I am like Simple Man no key and no questions. :grin:

PrincessNik..School is in session!

August 9th, 2010
10:01 am

Ared, YES!! I have come to those same realizations. And you definately have to talk about it every so often cause let’s be real, things (feelings) can change.

Lady-My Challenger ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 9th, 2010
10:04 am

ok will email you in a sec melo!

DD you are a HAWT MESS!!!! LMBAO!

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
10:04 am

@ARED Shaq’s ex-wife said the groupies in MIA will come to the game wearing a bikini and take your man. LOL that is why she should want marriage. The good thing about it she had thing one and thing two so the CS will keep her from making those McFlurries at McDonalds.

@Melo well there are plenty of problems in Atlanta, because I hear this often :evil:

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
10:06 am

melo – Hey, I freely admit that is a dating “misadventure” of mine. I remember being introduced as “a very special friend” a few months after we started dating. I called him on it of course.

It’s still two people sharing their lives. We still spent hours on the phone, he was the first one to rush over to take care of any thing that broke in my home, he looked out for me, protected me and cooked for me too. There’s a school of thought that you’re supposed to just chill out and have fun with no pressure. Some guys step it up and others take it for granted.

In any case, I’m working on this one. :)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
10:06 am

@Lady, I am going to send a pink limo for her…LOL with barbie and Dora stickers on it….LMAO.

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
10:07 am

The good thing about it she had thing one and thing two

I am SO DEAD at “thing one” and “thing two!” :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Lady-My Challenger ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 9th, 2010
10:07 am

Awwwww too cute! she would get in to!!!!!

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
10:11 am

There’s a school of thought that you’re supposed to just chill out and have fun with no pressure.

Ok, I believe this is just a BS. At a certain point the tough conversation should happen and that conversation should be open and honest. I was watching the TO show last night to lower my I.Q (joke) , anyway Kita on the show has been seeing Joe for 8 months and with no cookies. Anyhow, she finally gave up the cookies after 8 months and he called her back to say that he is going through a divorce and for the past three years he has not been with his “wife” in anyway. Kita was hurt, because she really took her time to get to know him, and he dropped the bomb. Again, open and honest conversation helps a lot.

Beatrix Kiddo

August 9th, 2010
10:12 am

At any point that I’ve ever encountered mixed messages, I addressed them in a conversation. I guess some things are too simple.

PrincessNik..School is in session!

August 9th, 2010
10:12 am

ARed/Melo

I will also say I was much younger than I am now when my situation happened. Now at 31 i have no interest in that type of situation. I know I’m lookin for something long term a healthy happy committed realtionship.

blue

August 9th, 2010
10:13 am

@swiss – i dont get why he kept it! ok, thats the cut ha ha. now im gone just shave it all off and call it a day. why is he still sportin it?
@Diana – Freds maintaining for the time being. he needs a hobby…got him to take care of the grass this weekend, seemd suitable somehow….

i dont understand this fear of the term “relationship”…if thats what we’re doing call it what it is. why expect all the perks of comittment but not be willing to give the comittment?

AmazonRed™

August 9th, 2010
10:14 am

At a certain point the tough conversation should happen and that conversation should be open and honest.

Well DD, it does happen at a certain point. :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠

August 9th, 2010
10:16 am

Addendum to that 10:11

***I meant to add that folks use that line of thought to present you with BS as well. That train of thought is overkill to me at this point. I am a grown azz woman, although I like to chill and have fun I need to know what direction we are heading…I can have all the fun I want on the ride, but the final destination is important, and I refuse to water that it down.**** I see that line as having fun while going to hell :???:

Raqi

August 9th, 2010
10:16 am

It seems that we live in a something for nothing society when it comes to dating now and it’s getting worse.

Many seem to want the other party to jump right in doling out the boy/girlfriend and/or spousal favors without the commitments in place. “No strings attached” simply means something for nothing. It’s up to the daters to put an end to it.

Stop putting up with crap hoping the individual will eventually come around. Woman cannot sex, clean and cook a man into a relationship just like a man cannot pay, cook and “service man” a woman into one. While these acts are very important within relationships don’t fooled into thinking just because you are handing them out the person wants a relationship with you. Some people are just ruthless and because they can.

Know before you freely handout the treatment where you truly stand with the person. If you are going a distance but they are only meeting you so far you need to know the signals are false.

Some people like to say that “well it’s your fault for thinking something is that really isn’t”. Yeah that may be true but you are bit of a low life to purposely mislead a person and send mixed signals. You are not ignorant, you know when you are purposely misleading a person.

I know this statement will go unheard to many because so many are willing to give something for nothing but “Don’t be so willing to give of that you will not receive”. In other words don’t continue to act like a boyfriend to the girl that clearly does not want to be your girlfriend.

And stop shoplifting the puddy and wallets grown folks.

Raqi

August 9th, 2010
10:17 am

LOL 2CPTG. Yeah that is some foul play right there.

i'm swiss™

August 9th, 2010
10:18 am

blue — Because he’s a rookie & that’s what rookies do: take shyte from the veterans. They’ll tell him when he can shave it off….