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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Too much honesty?

Have you ever dated someone who was brutally honest?  I am referring to a person who spoke with very little tact, virtually no filter, and the concept of “sugarcoating” their conversation to make it less bitter was impossible for them. I can see how this would be problematic in a relationship.  I believe that relationships can only handle so much honesty.

There are some things that require special handling and any honesty would require a little finesse.   Men aren’t always good at that because they want to be able to say what is on their mind..minus all the emotional reactions from their women.

Can women handle the truth about their man or relationships? Well, it depends. It’s more complicated then that. We don’t like being lied to but we definitely don’t like insensitive statements from the person we love.  Yes, this makes men miserable because it is a catch-22, but the man that knows how to provide honesty and love at the same time is a keeper in our book!

DO you think there is such a thing as too much honesty in a relationship?  Are there certain things that you would be totally fine not knowing or hearing the honest truth about?

Does honesty hold a relationship together or are there things that are better left unsaid?

If you are in a relationship, do you have full disclosure of everything?  Does it work for you?

366 comments Add your comment

YESSHEISCUTE

August 5th, 2010
9:13 am

OMG Yes! I dated someone who was brutally honest. I mean it was so annoying b/c he prided himself b/c he was being honest. I told him being honest just to be hurtful is just as bad as telling a white lie b/c you have malintent. Anyway I told him there is a such thing as tact and diplomacy and that maybe he should try employing it. Sometimes people don’t ask your opinion and sometimes you don’t need to offer contrary opinions just for the sake of being “honest”. If no one asked you keep your mouth shut….

Anyway, I taught him well and now he knows how to talk to a lady. It’s called “honesty shielded with compassion”. Great concept I learned as a I trained to be volunteer for family assistance in the event of an aviation incident/accident.

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
9:26 am

I prefer honesty over lies anyday.

Next….

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
9:33 am

Hola!

Wassup I am!!

On topic: I think we all know honesty is the best policy. And, if we decide to extend this going green topic, we could go down the list to the next sub-heading and debate on when is the right time to disclose your secrets/personal business.

Simple man.....

August 5th, 2010
9:46 am

Morning all!!!

I think this would be better serve as two separate topics….You have to be honest from day one so that there will bed no initial lie with which to build on. Now how and when you speak is a whole different matter!!!

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 5th, 2010
9:48 am

The best thing to do for guys is to put the cards on the table. Guys are logical so the best thing to do is to put it out there.

Sometimes for women the truth does hurt but they need it.

“Are there certain things that you would be totally fine not knowing or hearing the honest truth about?”

This is a catch 22 because the guy wants everything equal so if you were dealing with alot of other guys before him, or while you two broke up he really doesnt want to know but on the flipside, he doesnt want to think he has a great woman and he has the neighborhood (fill in the blank ;) on his arm.

So regarding your past ladies, its is a catch 22 because we want to know but we dont. Its unfortunate for you because if you are honest, you get penalized sometimes for being honest about your past.

Honesty is key. Leaving things unsaid is like giving a inch and someone taking a football field. You cant give them a pass on honesty issues.

SlimOne...cursed w/the ability to love

August 5th, 2010
9:48 am

Good morning all,

Haven’t really dated a brutally honest dude…I want honesty but sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it. ;-)

AmazonRed™

August 5th, 2010
9:50 am

Morning all!

am referring to a person who spoke with very little tact, virtually no filter, and the concept of “sugarcoating” their conversation to make it less bitter was impossible for them

Can this be me? Absolutely. But it’s mainly my “internet gangsta.” You can get away with being bold on the net. But as with anything in life, there is a time and place. I’m definitely more direct with my family. They ALWAYS know what’s on my mind and tolerate love me anyway. But in relationships, the job and friendships, I censer and sugarcoat a LOT or simply keep my opinions to myself. ;)

Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)

August 5th, 2010
9:50 am

You came in the door wavin you baseball bat already Dirty Di….you ain’t nothing to play with. :lol:

On topic: Honesty is key in any healthy relationship..that being said I don’t believe in sugarcoating jack for adults….kids yes but not grown folk. In those cases it’s definitly a matter of tact,finesse and the premise behind what you’re saying…are you really being honest or spewing hate behind the guise of honesty.

blue

August 5th, 2010
9:51 am

GM all!

Hey Diana! ssshhh, Fred is meditating…
anyway, on topic, i think we all prefer honesty, but you do not have to be thoughtless to be honest. it usually only takes a minute or two of thought to make an honest statement less hurtful.

AmazonRed™

August 5th, 2010
9:54 am

Dirty D – How you feeling this morning? :)

PrincessNik

August 5th, 2010
9:56 am

The truth only hurts when it should……………

Morning all..

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
9:58 am

Kym-smiling inside and out.

August 5th, 2010
9:59 am

Good Morning All,

I really appreciate honest. I have been told that at times I lack tact(I have no idea what they are talking about.) Lets be clear there is a big diff between honesty and cruelity. Telling someone the truth so that all is out in the open is find. But telling someone the truth to be cruel..that’s sick.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:01 am

Simple Man hence my response you will probably see part two of this topic in the next 30-days. :grin:

@Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssy did you read my last post yesterday? I don’t wave bats just truth and logic.

are you really being honest or spewing hate behind the guise of honesty. Good point!!!!

@Blue is meditating the new code word for Fred is high?? :grin:

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:02 am

@I am…just chilling sipping on some lemonade getting ready for my meeting.

Raqi...Dove Soft and Flying High

August 5th, 2010
10:02 am

IMO before reading the entire, there is no such thing too much honesty. It is just a matter of the appropriate place and time as well as the delivery.

WiseDiva, again, good topic.

It is a common saying that women cannot handle the truth like you said it not always a matter of if we can handle it as opposed to how you say it. Just because it may be true doesn’t mean you have to be an arsewipe in saying it or saying it at an inappropriate time.

Yeah there are certain things that while being facts are not really necessary to disclose to your mate. For me while reading this it is one of those situations where the nature of the honesty makes the difference. Now if it is something that you are feeling about your mate or something they are doing that displease you that thing deserves a conversation. Not an attack or cutting remark, but a conversation. As well as being honest about your whereabouts and the company you keep when away from your mate. There is a wise saying if you are doing something that you wouldn’t want your mate to see you doing or find out about, you really shouldn’t be doing that thing. ‘kay?

Now as for honesty about your past some things your mate deserves to know and some things you need to keep to yourself unless asked. Men if you had a weekend coital marathon with the double d triplets down the street for your 22nd birthday, your girlfriend or wife does not need to know that. What would it benefit telling her that? But if you engaged in homosexual activities at anytime in your life, that is something you may want to get off your chest before getting into a relationship with that person. That is something that most cannot or have a hard time processing. It is only fair that they be able to make a decision about. It is what it is.

There are just things that carry no weight and is viewed as useless knowledge that does not call for being disclosed. But then there are issues that are within the moral, criminal and spiritual form that most use to make decisions by.

Raqi...Dove Soft and Flying High

August 5th, 2010
10:04 am

The more I think about it this honesty thing can be such a broad spectrum. Honesty within the relationship, things pertaining to relationship in the present is a must. I person deserves to know that you are not on the same path with them mentally and emotionally as to where you want the relationship to lead. Be honest with the person and don’t lead them on.

For instance, if your mate does not bathe properly and practice adequate hygiene be honest and tell them. Not critical, at first, but honest. “Hey babe, I noticed ________ maybe you should try…..”.

Another place honesty is warranted is when your needs are not being met (i.e. frequency, activities, etc). Be honest with your mate. Have the conversation. Don’t be critical or judgmental but state your needs. Either the person will care to oblige or decide it is not an area they care to accommodate. The two individually has to decide just how important that desire is to them and them wanting to remain in the relationship. Or better yet find a mutual middle ground.

It’s better to be honest upfront than to allow resentment to build and you end up exploding in anger and/or saying things or acting in a way that you will later regret.

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
10:07 am

DD: ooooh!!! I want Lemonade!!
Last night, I bought some lemon juice from Whole Foods so I could make some :-)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:09 am

This lemonade is so good…Chick-fil-A! I love Whole Foods, I need to pick up a few things from there, perhaps I will go when I get back from my trip.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:10 am

Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy I forgot to give you a smiley face and a wink here you go :grin: :wink:

blue

August 5th, 2010
10:11 am

@Diana – naw, rehab seems to be working. no SweetTarts falling out of his saddle…he’s all zen at the moment.

imo, one of those main principles that our parents tried to instill in us, the whole “treat others how you want to be treated” can seriously come into play here. if youve gained weight, while you would like someone who loves you to be concerned, you wouldnt want them screaming “hey fat@ss, heard of a treadmill?” — sooo, let that not be the way you approach the topic with others. and if you wouldn’t want to know about yuor SO 0rgy with the cheerleading squad 20 years ago in HS, dont bring up dont bring up your love for your HS football team. some common sense and empathy i think goes along way in choosing what and how to communicate.

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
10:12 am

Some things I will filter though, only so that I can leave the other party with their dignity still in tack.

For example I may not be interested in a guy so rather than spill the beans to him multple kids by multiple women, former drug convictions that he is still on probation for after serving time in prison I’ll just leave it as dude, I’m not interested.
If dude were to keep pushing for the reason why, then of course I would be brutally honest

Dan - simply...

August 5th, 2010
10:12 am

Honesty is respect.

Respect enough for you not to lie, sugarcoat, or tell you anything but what/how I feel.

The parsing of words, the “flowering” of language, the toning down of commentary are all things designed to assuage the ego of someone that you feel isn’t capable of handling an unvarnished truth.

I tend to give people more respect than that.

I’ll give you the raw if you ask the D a question. And if I’m feeling some kinda way about something, I’ll tell you that too.

We’re adults, by now you should’ve learned that life isn’t fair and somethings must be accepted whether you like them or not. And in that vein, I don’t wanna have to colloquilize or explain what is and what isn’t my version of the truth.

Luvbug

August 5th, 2010
10:13 am

I’m not brutal (I don’t think), but I’ve been known to cross the line between friendship language and relationship language. If I’m comfortable and respect or care for you, I’m less willing to filter…unless I know you’ll fall apart or are psychological unstable. I’m more likely to leave if I feel you fall apart too often/much.

Well…Actually, I’m still trying to manage the filtering process. But nowadays, I guess I am as directly honest as I feel the person can take. If the person is a softy (or imbalanced), I will likely focus more on the desired outcome than the means.

The amount of honesty I can take?? Hmmm, I can take it directly in most cases. First off, it must actually be both true and honest. Secondly, it must be something I can change. Thirdly, it must be something I want to change (something I actually value). Lastly, it is best received from a person who is honest across the board. If you’re ‘honest’ about my toe nail polish, but can’t muster the courage to be direct about your true interest in me…it’s a no go.

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
10:14 am

Raqi: LOL, a tactful way for a woman to tell her man he stinks would be to show him the Old Spice Commercial.

SWAN DIVE!

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:15 am

Blue, I am glad you told me I had a little candy bag to give Fred, it is filled with: peppermints, SweetTarts, chic-o-sticks, red hots and a few jelly beans. I will let him stay all zen.

Seriously, you said it best common sense and empathy.

I am ready for the weekend!

Simple man.....

August 5th, 2010
10:19 am

Let me piggy back withthis question…Why do women ask questions that forces a guy to chose between honesty and sleeping alone???

It's me....lurker

August 5th, 2010
10:19 am

I’ve always been the brutally honest one. Skirting and what not irks me to no end. Say what needs to be said. One reason men should be straight up is that (IMO) women tend to be overthinkers and dissecters. If you don’t want folks hanging on or misinterpreting anything (cause ya’ll know we’ll play over in our heads), hand it out straight. That way you have less crazies to deal with as well as reducing the margin for error. I always see truth like medicine. It may not always taste good but it’s effective once you ingest

Luvbug

August 5th, 2010
10:19 am

But if you engaged in homosexual activities at anytime in your life, that is something you may want to get off your chest

Raqi – LOL. Yeah, tell be that in the introduction… “Hello, I used to be a homosexual”. Actually, I will replace the last portion of my post with this instead:

If you are honest about my toe nail polish, but haven’t mustered the courage to tell me that you used to be a homosexual…it’s a no go.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:20 am

Simple man, you remind me of someone that I know even your moniker…he is always saying he is a simple man and he loves simplicity.

Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)

August 5th, 2010
10:21 am

I don’t wave bats just truth and logic.

Yes you do Dianaaaaaa

I forgot to give you a smiley face and a wink

Awww…right back you chica. :lol: ;)

Simple man.....

August 5th, 2010
10:23 am

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:20 am

He is probably a really top shelf dude too??? :)

Simple man.....

August 5th, 2010
10:25 am

Luvbug

August 5th, 2010
10:19 am

FYI…there is no such thing as a former homosexual!!! Its kinda like joing the ultimate Fraternity!!!! ONCE ALAWYS!!!! LOL

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:26 am

Thanks Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy

@Simple man….he is cool I would put him in the top tier.

abc

August 5th, 2010
10:26 am

If she asks if those jeans make her look fat, lie. She expects you to lie. That’s hardly about being honest, though; it’s superficial, and I don’t think she expects anything but a compliment — stuff like that is fishing for compliments.

One can be honest while avoiding being critical. It’s not that hard to do. Stay positive, be constructive, but tell them the truth. If it’s something you have to lie about, don’t do it. If it’s something about themselves that they really need to know, be honest about it without being critical.

Lurks

August 5th, 2010
10:33 am

there the Adulterous”Raqi” talking like she knows it all and u people just eat it up except 4 Dirty D, I like her style & tact

Dan - simply...

August 5th, 2010
10:33 am

Honesty

Harsh Criticism

[being] Blunt

Only one of the aforementioned words can be stated as a noun requiring no adjective or adverb. Because only one is irrefutable as truth, the other two are perception.

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
10:33 am

“…….Why do women ask questions that forces a guy to chose between honesty and sleeping alone???…..”

ALOL!!!!

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
10:34 am

I’m a scorpio so believes believe I can’t withold the deed longer than 2 minutes.

I need it like fish need water :-D

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:34 am

I am whatever you say I am

August 5th, 2010
10:34 am

typo: meant to say please believe

Luvbug

August 5th, 2010
10:35 am

Simple Man – There may be such a thing, but I don’t know. I would definitely want him to figure out what he really wants, but I can’t say that I wanna be there when he does. LOL

Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)

August 5th, 2010
10:36 am

Dude let the air out…

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:37 am

merci beaucoup

DreamsMaterialize

August 5th, 2010
10:38 am

Morning
I would say that honesty is generally the best policy, but I can think of a few cases where it was overkill.

I had a friend who was with this girl who didn’t grow up with her dad. So, they get into a discussion about the impact of dads in the home, and he tells her it’s difficult to relate to her perspective because his dad was always there. She rebutts that his dad isn’t really his dad, and everyone in town knows except him. Turns out what she was saying was true. She was being honest, but was it her place to do so?

Dirty Diana ♠

August 5th, 2010
10:40 am

@DreamsM :shock: that was horrible for her to say that to him. Yet, she probably always wanted to tell him for whatever reason…I guess there is a time and place “for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

blue

August 5th, 2010
10:43 am

@Diana – oh so your his supplier then?!! :lol:
@abc – i never understood that one –
do these jeans make me look fat?
yes
yuo called me fat!
i asked about the jeans, you answered: about the jeans. how does that mean you called me fat? im just gonna take it as time to find a new pair of jeans! lol

Luvbug

August 5th, 2010
10:43 am

Dreams- I don’t know. Was she responding to him making a condescending jab at her?? If so, the truth will set you free. Don’t start none, won’t be none. :lol:

blue

August 5th, 2010
10:45 am

shouldnt an apple fritter have apple in it? im halfway thru the thing and havent seen appled one!!! :|

kimmie

August 5th, 2010
10:45 am

Good morning lovely people!

Honest without being critical – I like that abc. Constructive, positive, helpful, loving – even if it’s tough love. It’s really easy, at least it should be if you care for the person and the relationship.

It’s an ugly world out here. Your friends and family should be your safe haven, your sheild. Out of love they owe it to you to be honest, but they should’nt break your spirit and beat you down with their honesty. A beat down is what the street will give you. You shouldn’t get that when you get home. But you do expect your “home” to have your back and not send you out in the world unprepared – which is where the honesty should come in. If I really can’t look in the mirror and see I’ve gained 20 pounds and now look awful in this dress, I would hope my loved ones would lovingly pull me aside and not let me go out like that.

As for the revealing of personal business – well we’ve beat that topic to death on here.

Hi Dan! Are you still in Myrtle Beach? I wish I were near some water somewhere.