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Too hot to be happy

Marry someone unattractive and be happier. So goes the theory, that is.  I have heard this for a long time and I always wondered why someone would want to be in a relationship with someone they aren’t attracted to.  I mean, isn’t the point of staying in love and in a committed relationship? When they are driving you to the brink of insanity, you get distracted by their hotness and get over it?

Of course, I’m being a little facetious, but I truly don’t get why people encourage singles to “marry ugly” or “marry down”.  You can grow to love someone but if the strong desire to rip their clothes off isn’t there, is it even worth jumping the broom?

Maybe I am being naive, here. What do you guys think?  Can you be happy with a person you consider unattractive?  How would it work?

What would happen if we all dated any ole’ scraggamuffin, simply because we wanted to be coupled up.  How long  would it take before reality kicks in?

Have you ever dated someone you were not attracted to, hoping to develop an attraction later on? How did it work out?

Do you think that dating hot people brings  more heartache/headache or is that another myth?

422 comments Add your comment

Kym-Does not have the Chicken Flu

August 4th, 2010
8:52 am

Good Morning All,

LMAO @ scraggamuffin..so that’s how it’s spelled. If you want to be happy the rest of your life get yourself a ugly wife. This topic is going to be funny today…While I think attractive counts, lord knows it counts..I mean think of the children…I think it is more important to find someone who is going to love you body and soul..not just finding someone to say hey I got a man.

**Disclaimer** I feel this behavior is more a woman thang than a man. I think men date unattractive women for easy sex(or what they think will be easy sex) while some women folks pick any old port in a storm…even if it is a broke down..rat infested port…but I digress.

I am whatever you say I am

August 4th, 2010
9:01 am

I think that if you focus on inner beauty than outer beauty, you will be okay.
Of course, the person has to be easy on the eyes but not all of us look like Beyonce, Halle, or Stacey Dash

Inner beauty will last longer than the exterior. You’ll need that when you get old and need something of substance, because let’s face it, how many 80 year olds are out there looking like super models anyway?

lewillis71

August 4th, 2010
9:02 am

Good Morning!

I have been guilty of dating down. It didn’t work for me because I was definitely trying to force something that wasn’t there. He is an amazing person but the sparks were never there. I learned a valuable lesson that you HAVE to have that “spark” in order for things to work long term.

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2010
9:04 am

“Marry someone unattractive and be happier”

And the answer is… FALSE.

Mrs. Swiss is exponentially hotter than any of my exes & she’s also the best wifey material in every other way, to boot. How about this: Marry someone you love, who has the qualities you would wand in a mate, and be happier.

IDK

August 4th, 2010
9:04 am

Have you ever dated someone you were not attracted to, hoping to develop an attraction later on? Yes, I someone whom gave me everything I could possibly want or desire, but was unattractive (due to height!) and lacking in the bedroom…I am willing to overlook some things, but not bedroom skills which go hand in hand with attraction and chemistry. How could I give myself to someone that I wasn’t physical attracted to!? :???: Although he was good for me, he would never be good to me. :smile:

Beauty and money will almost always control the relationship. The beautiful are always looking for someone to accept them for who they are not how they look, and the rich want what the less fortunate have (love). And I doubt either group would be willing to trade places…LOL

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2010
9:05 am

Oops… “qualities you would want

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:05 am

Hola!

For the record, I have heard this, and it always sounded stupid to me. Really,what sane/secure person would go on an ugly-haunt to find a mate? I remember in HS one of my guy friends used to say ugly girls gave it up faster.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:06 am

Of course, the person has to be easy on the eyes but not all of us look like Beyonce, Halle, or Stacey Dash

@I am that is a good thing, because a lot of us look better!

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2010
9:09 am

“I remember in HS one of my guy friends used to say ugly girls gave it up faster.”

Well now, if all you’re looking for is an easy smash, there may be something to that. Ahem — allegedly — ahem….

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:09 am

IDK,

For clarity purposes are you new to the blog? I was thinking you were Infamous, but when you said, “he was good to me.” I became confused, because I always thought DK was a guy.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:10 am

Swiss, I will never forget him saying that as if it was the Gospel, and the thing about it he was a handsome dude.

Kym-Does not have the Chicken Flu

August 4th, 2010
9:11 am

Also, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder..what looks sexy to one may not look sex to someone else.

Kym-Does not have the Chicken Flu

August 4th, 2010
9:11 am

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2010
9:11 am

“…and the thing about it he was a handsome dude”

Hey, Dirty D, every dude needs a slump buster every now and then…. :lol:

i'm swiss™

August 4th, 2010
9:13 am

Gotta step out for a while… Hold it down for me, Dirty D. Oh, and keep the blog under control, too… ;-)

blue

August 4th, 2010
9:17 am

GM all,

dont think ive ever dated down as far as looks, had that feeling in the intelligence quotient at times, and figured it would all work out in the end. not so much, cause as has been stated, looks alone only goes so far. was left just staring at them saying in my head “really..really?” and bailing.
tho i have heard the theory, that non-pretty people will work harder cause they are so appreciative to have someone/anyone. to me, why would you want that that kind of relationship, either the pretty or the nonpretty person, i think id end up feeling that they werent with me out of interest or love, just desperation. hows that supposed to work long term, cause seems thered be no real respect or interest on either side.

Simple man.....

August 4th, 2010
9:18 am

Good morning all….. there is an old saying.. ” Beauty is only skin deep, But ugly goes all the way to the bone”!!! Now who in their right mind would want to date someone that you need to keep on a leash when you go out in public? That being said, Beauty is relative. She could be Jill Scott beautiful or Alicia Keys cute…. He could be Boris Kodjo Don Cheedle….

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:22 am

@Simple man…great post!

@Swiss gotcha!

blue

August 4th, 2010
9:25 am

@Simple – Now who in their right mind would want to date someone that you need to keep on a leash when you go out in public? – alright now, its too early in the morning to have me spitting Sprite at my screen. that was too funny :lol:
but agree along the lines that beauty is relative. i have dated some guys along the way that my friends didnt get, but hey they dont need to. I found him attractive, and he treated me well. thats all i need, not for my friends to rate him as a supermodel.

Kym-Does not have the Chicken Flu

August 4th, 2010
9:28 am

I don’t like pretty looking guys..so Boris..he doesn’t do it for me.

Danno

August 4th, 2010
9:30 am

Are you that good looking?

Danno

August 4th, 2010
9:31 am

Who things your good looking?

AmazonRed™ - hottie

August 4th, 2010
9:36 am

Morning all –

I generally date guys who are tall and handsome. There have been a few awkward looking ones, but for the most part, the ladies turn their heads when the guy walks into the room.

I have a friend who is getting married and her fiance is not attractive at all. Short, overweight, spaces in betwee each tooth and no neck. But he adores her and cooks like a champ! :lol: I still don’t think I could date a guy I didn’t find attractive…nor does it seem fair to.

On the flip side, I saw an old flame in New Orleans who is still trying to get in my pants all these years later. The biggest problem is that he’s “too” attractive to the point he usually has a gang of groupies hanging around him. All I can think is what a nightmare to be with him with all these desperate women just throwing themselves at him on a constant basis!

blue

August 4th, 2010
9:37 am

got held up by school buses this morning…its that time again….stuck sitting there for 15 minutes waiting for the bus driver to remember put their stop sign back down.arrrggggg :roll:

AmazonRed™ - hottie

August 4th, 2010
9:40 am

Really,what sane/secure person would go on an ugly-haunt to find a mate?

:lol:

I have a friend who only dates frumpy looking men. She thinks it’s easier to date a man who a lot of othe women don’t want! :lol:

AmazonRed™ - hottie

August 4th, 2010
9:41 am

Now who in their right mind would want to date someone that you need to keep on a leash when you go out in public?

:lol:

Melo

August 4th, 2010
9:43 am

Do you think that dating so-called hot people brings more heartache/headache or is that another myth?

@WD…YES………look at poor Halle,now reported to be a switch hitter!

You can grow to love someone but if the strong desire to rip their clothes off isn’t there, is it even worth jumping the broom?

while u can grow to luv someone,I think it is also a myth to think that u will want to rip their clothes off..all the time when u look at them…..sexx really fades in attractiveness with time(banging time) and what remains is the soul of the person you are with. If that person is ugly inside and u cannot stand them on the outside,or they are not easy on ur eyes,then its a wrap.

Give me a woman with nice smile,good lady with kindness and dignity,family oriented,bountiful in her outer body,sleazy in the bed, and really easy on my eyes and I will make her Queen the II of the Zulu nation.

Good morning folks!

abc

August 4th, 2010
9:44 am

The linked article bases its conclusions on the premise that the more attractive a man is, the less effort he’ll put into pleasing a woman; a less attractive man will put forth more effort in making a woman happy and satisfied, because he feels that he’s lucky to have an attractive woman. I submit that this is a false premise, and that a study group of 82 couples is an insufficient sample upon which to base such conclusions.

A man will value a woman for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with her appearance. Those are the things that will motivate him to be attentive and kind. Sucking up does not equate to providing happiness.

Good looking certainly doesn’t hurt; being way ugly or fat can certainly be a deal breaker; but for the most part, hot is in the eye of the beholder, and isn’t strictly relegated to physical attributes.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:45 am

Short, overweight, spaces in betwee each tooth and no neck.

:shock:

Melo

August 4th, 2010
9:45 am

I don’t like pretty looking guys

@Kym??

u are very pretty urself tho..why is that??

AmazonRed™ - hottie

August 4th, 2010
9:50 am

Boris does it for me. Yummy.

Simple man.....

August 4th, 2010
9:51 am

On a scale of 1 to 10, most of the ladies I have dated are in the 7 to 9 range, However, I have a recurring “FWB” that on the surface is at best a 5. While her face is Kinda aggressive, she is one of the more facinating people I have ever met! Well traveled, educated, and on top of that freaky!!! We could never be serious, and I fully understand that she should be a keeper, But if i had to look at that mug first thing every morning I might go blind.

Kym-Does not have the Chicken Flu

August 4th, 2010
9:52 am

@Melo..thank you. But I like my men to look like men. If there is a fight in the street..I want him to look like he can take a punch..rather than screaming “Not in the face..not in the face”..lol. Plus I prefer my men in dark chocolate.

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 4th, 2010
9:53 am

This is interesting because everybody wants somebody hot.

What is funny is with the why women educated women arent getting married argument, nobody ever brings up looks. A woman can have a PhD, make $200K a year, and have it together, but if she is not really that attractive, it will still be a problem. I dont want to sound superficial, but when all the credentials come up, people forget the person STILL needs to be attractive. We are human, thats the first thing that pulls us in; not that stuff you see in the movies.

I also look for potential women, maybe she is qualified to get upgraded and can be taken to the next level. But she has to do her part to; stay in the gym, eat right, etc.

Also a term I heard for a woman who isn’t super attractive but has her money right “SugarBeast” lol.

Kym-Does not have the Chicken Flu

August 4th, 2010
9:53 am

@Simple..kind of aggressive in the face..lawd I have heard it all.

kimmie

August 4th, 2010
9:54 am

Good morning beautiful blog people!

I date who I’m attracted to and who is attracted to me. There are guys I’ve dated that my friends and family wondered “what does she see in him” – not that they were ugly, others just thought they were very average. But there was something about them that I found attractive. I love nice teeth, a slim build that some might call skinny, kind eyes and nice arms. I understand too that everyone is not going to find ME attractive either, and that’s okay. But I think everyone owes it to themselves and the other person to at least be attracted to the person they date. You aren’t doing yourself and the other any favors by dating what you consider “dating down”. Nobody deserves to be dated out of pity.

Oh, and yes, just cause a guy is unattractive doesn’t mean he’s not capable of being just as big a dog as a cute dude! Believe me, I know!

Also, it’s been my observation, from the outside looking in, that men that marry unattractive women seem to regret it later down the line. I’m not talking about an unattractive woman that puts herself together well and works with what she has. I’m talking those that are unattractive AND sloppy – just don’t care. I don’t care how sweet she is. That slackness usually never changes. A freind of mine said her husband’s ex-wife was this way.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:55 am

Simple man…. a five is average it sounds like your “friend” is in the negative based on the description you gave.

@Ared, your friend is probably sane, but she is insecure looking for frumpy. :wink:

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 4th, 2010
9:55 am

@Simple man…..

LOL did you say a 5 at best and her face is kinda aggressive! LOL that is too funny….

Kimmy

August 4th, 2010
9:57 am

My dad told me to marry a man who loves you more than you love them and you will always be treated the way you want to be treated. I guess if the guy is dating up then he will do anything to make you happy.Who knows. I’ve seen couples and thought “wtf” but I usually don’t think they are dating down, but rather that the less attractive person mus be a great person inside.

AmazonRed™ - hottie

August 4th, 2010
9:58 am

While her face is Kinda aggressive

Damn. :lol: :lol: :lol:

I want him to look like he can take a punch..rather than screaming “Not in the face..not in the face”..lol.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Boris is kinda rugged tho dammit! He’s not a “sweet” looking pretty! :lol:

My chocolate guys are Lance Gross, Keith Robinson (Dreamgirls) and Chris Webber. Mmmm….

abc

August 4th, 2010
9:58 am

It’s relative. A great looking chick with a stank personality is unattractive.

blue

August 4th, 2010
9:58 am

@Kym/melo – I want him to look like he can take a punch..rather than screaming “Not in the face..not in the face”..lol — i second that…. wii boxing is one thing, im the house champ!!! but in the street, dont want to throw a better punch than my dude.
i tend to go for tall foreigners, lol :)

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:59 am

@Kym…I hate to issue this breaking news alert, but there are plenty of pretty dark chocolate men.

Luvbug

August 4th, 2010
10:00 am

I’ve been won over by a guy I wasn’t initially attracted to, but I’ve never sought out a guy I wasn’t attracted to hoping he would be more loyal or honest (or whatever the myth is) than a more ‘attractive’ guy. I just don’t believe that.

$60,000 question of the day

August 4th, 2010
10:00 am

DIRTY DIANA YOU MAKE 60Gs A YEAR YOU DIDN’T KNOW IDK IS A SHE? WHAT A DUMMY.

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
10:01 am

Chris Webber is nice!!!!

abc

August 4th, 2010
10:02 am

Why on earth would you even be someplace where you would even NEED to take a punch?

Simple man.....

August 4th, 2010
10:02 am

Dirty Diana ♠

August 4th, 2010
9:55 am

I said a Five at best…Now if a guy were to meet her say on the phone of something that does not require him to look at her, she would be A top shelf SUPERSTAR!!!! Just not that appealing physically…

AmazonRed™ - hottie

August 4th, 2010
10:03 am

My dad told me to marry a man who loves you more than you love them and you will always be treated the way you want to be treated

I’ve been thinking about this one a lot. A lot of my married girlfriends have told me the same thing. I’m usually the one loving more, it just feels more natural to me. My HS sweetheart was the only exception and he did adore me even tho we were not compatable. Anywhoo…I’m starting to pay attention more to the guys that steadily persue me instead of being turned off by it….

Purple Rain

August 4th, 2010
10:04 am

Simple man, what is a “kind of aggressive face?” LOL

When people date “down” who determines that you were “up” in the first place?

If you don’t compromise your standards you can have it all, interior and exterior beauty. Don’t use microwave dating, use the oven. Handsome or beautiful people do not bring more problems to dating, that is a myth. In my dating the more attractive women were just as easier going as the less attractive ones. Most attractive women IME are more receptive because they hate the fact that some are intimidated by their looks and stay away, in comparison Ms. Plain Jane has plenty of game. LOL