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Archive for July, 2010

Dating: Time to break your deal breakers?

Single people we need a reality check. I include myself because I have been guilty of adhering to random dating deal breakers. Funny how I seem to meet someone really great who I have chemistry with but hit the brakes (no pun) when there is an issue with something about them.

It’s not just about having a “type” we like to say we prefer, it’s more than that. We extend our “I don’t do” lists so far that we talk ourselves out of a potential…something. We never find out what that something is because we don’t let it go further. We figure the deal breaker is protecting us from heartbreak, disappointment, confusion. Um, yeah… how’s that working out for you? (Said in my best Dr. Phil voice)

So let’s reconsider some deal breakers that we have that probably don’t really belong on a list of reasons to rule out someone, shall we? I will go first:

I never dated someone unemployed. Now, I am not trolling Georgia Department of Labor for dates or anything. I would however, give a guy …

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Could you handle a prolonged engagement?

According to news reports, NBA player, Carmelo Anthony and LaLa Vazquez finally tied the knot after years of being engaged.  Some  had begun calling Vazquez the eternal fiance (seriously, google that term!) since the amount of time from proposal to wedding day was five years.

It’s anyone’s guess what the reason for the prolonged engagement was but I figured that they were both in no huge hurry to get married.  The fact that they had remained together after the proposal and “promise” to get married seemed like enough for them.

Are more couples prolonging their engagement these days?  If you were engaged to be married, would you want to get married right away?

Do you think that a prolonged engagement is a sign of something deeper?  Does it mean cold feet or could it be that it’s actually a good thing to be engaged for an extended amount of time?

What would you do if there was an official marriage proposal but the actual wedding, pre-marriage planning was …

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You had me at hello…on Aisle 3

The night I went to The Gold Club for Jezebel Magazine’s Most Eligible party, I was scoping out the crowd to find a few singles to interview.  I was mingling and chatting people up when an adorably fabulous woman came up to me and we got to talking.

She gave me a business card and I gave her mine, telling her about the Misadventures in Atlanta dating blog.  She immediately lit up and excitedly told me that she was newly married and very happy.  She recounted the sweet sweet story of when she met her new husband at a grocery store (!!) and that she really believes that she found the true love of her life.

She told me that when they met she didn’t call him right away, she waited a few days   After she finally called him back, they scheduled a date. Their first date lasted hours and within a few weeks…they were engaged.

This is when she called her husband over to introduce us.  They told me that he literally had his entire house packed up and was scheduled to leave …

Continue reading You had me at hello…on Aisle 3 »

Are you being strung along?

When you are truly interested in someone it seems as if you are just supposed to go for the gusto.  I never was a fan of the vague and semi-interested approach to dating.  I know that I am a cautious person but nature, but if there are any doubts or uncertainty that a guy is interested, they are usually there because of good reason.

So how can you really tell if someone is actually interested in you?  We all seem to meet that one person that seems to string us along.  Doing just enough to stay in the mix but not enough that it counts as real effort.  How would you handle that type?

I don’t have much patience, admittedly, so I tend to disengage altogether.  I don’t like having my time wasted and I try not to do that to others.  What is an appropriate amount of time and effort that you think signifies when someone is being honest about their intentions or motivations?

Happy Monday!

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Dating: Do you have something to prove?

I have observed a few things in the men I am meeting on the dating scene lately.  Whether it is unspoken or not, men seem to look at how amenable a woman is.  It’s almost to the point of testing how accommodating we can be.  When they spot a complainer, or a woman who constantly has negative things to say, it is sometimes  a red flag for guys.

It’s all really interesting to me because I think women do the same exact thing in other ways.  For instance, a woman wants to see how generous a man is.  I’m not only talking generous with money, although that is also part of it.  A man who is generous with his time, attention, and feelings (yes fellas, FEELINGS) definitely gets our attention.

It seems to me that everyone has something to prove in a dating relationship.  Why does it seem that we end up proving all the wrong things, though?

Do you get a sense that you have something to prove? Even when just “being yourself” is what you focus on, are you proving that you …

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What is your dating rep?

I know the Atlanta dating pool is more like a small pond.  It doesn’t surprise to meet someone new and minutes later discover that we know some of the same people.  Needless to say, if you have a bad dating track record with a few people, it doesn’t take long for your dating reputation to take a hit.

I found out just how serious the bad dating rep really gets when someone I barely knew cornered me at a dinner party.  The young lady briefly chatted with the obligatory “small talk” before asking me if “Chad” and I were friends.  I said that I knew him and we had mutual friends and left it at that.  I could tell she wanted me to divulge more but …there really wasn’t much else to tell! That was it.

She proceeded to run down a list of romantic offenses that Chad was guilty of…none with her, of course.  I said, wow a couple of times, shook my head, and walked away…quickly.  How strange to tell me about a guy’s dating reputation? What were her intentions?  It doesn’t really …

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Let’s stay together

I think most people would agree that when things are bad in the bedroom, it could ruin a relationship.  What happens when that is the only good thing about the relationship?  Is that enough to sustain it? I ask because a friend told me recently that he is only in a relationship for one (technically, I suppose it’s several?) reason.  She’s really really talented.

When I asked him how long he thought that would last, he said as long as it is that good.  I don’t know if women think the same way.  Could great sex be the glue that holds an entire relationship together?  Can you end up married to someone just for that reason alone?  Wouldn’t things eventually come undone and you decide that all that great sex isn’t worth the headache?

What do you think?  Can or should sex be the reason you are with someone or stay with someone?

If nothing else about the relationship works, what would you do?

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Dating: Has the definition of single changed?

I suppose I should not be shocked whenever it turns out someone is not as “single” as they claimed to be.  I recently exchanged numbers with a guy (younger) who pretended to be unattached.

It wasn’t until I got a call from his significant (and livid) other that I learned he was involved with someone.  They actually lived together. What made him think he could date me in his situation? I had to laugh at how pathetic that entire incident was. I’m too old for this!

It is so annoying to discover you wasted your time on someone who decided to “hedge their bets” on the dating game.  I can understand dating around and keeping your options open as long as you are upfront and honest about it.  It is rare to find someone who tells you the absolute truth about his or her relationship status.   Even on Facebook that ridiculous “it’s complicated” feature perpetuates the problem.

When I meet someone that sparks an interest, I ask them the question are you married or …

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Dating: Ego Handling

When you are single and available, there are times when you just have to go through a dry spell.  This is when you have no prospects whatsoever.  Not even the church mothers who are trying to play matchmaker are circling around you!  Don’t panic! It’s perfectly normal and happens to everyone.

Perhaps the worst time to endure a dry spell is right after a break up or some disappointment.  You are eager to prove that you aren’t undateable and your ego needs a quick fix.  I believe I have said it before but our egos are a big problem when it comes to dating.  I mean, not only handling the egos of other people, but our own egos get in the way.

What usually happens is we get a reality check along the way.  Someone we really like doesn’t call us back or isn’t interested in us.  Having a healthy dose of confidence is never a bad thing but humility is important!

One way we can better  manage our egos in dating is going the extra distance for someone.  I know it can be tough …

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Relationship 101: Building trust

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately.  We may think we want one (at least I do!) but we forget how much work is involved in building a good relationship that actually lasts beyond the “caught up in the haze of love” phase.

After the novelty of a new relationship wears off, the two of you are left with the business of finding out what makes one another tick.  You get to see your significant other deal with different situations  and circumstances, which in turn, reveals a lot about their character.

What surprises me most about being in a relationship is the amount of work it takes to get a guy to open up emotionally.  Sometimes it takes men a long time to trust, especially if he is unsure of how he feels about her.  Is that the case for women? I think it is.  I don’t fully disclose everything to men I date casually.  It takes me quite a while to connect and actually feel safe with a man.

When do you feel as if you can trust someone that you are dating?  …

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