I’ve been on the giving end of this plenty of times….I was finally receiving end of this last year. I was so frustrated when the guy decided to jump on the no fornication before marriage wagon. But I really liked him a lot so I was somewhat willing to comply…even though he did go back on his word a couple of times (the flesh is weak I guess)….what I learned is….it doesn’t feel good so if you feel its something that could possibly come up bring it up before hand don’t give them a couple slices of the cake and then say they can’t have anymore. Especially if it was good that’s a shock to the mind…and the body!

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“Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?”

I think the only time it’s okay to do this is only if you were dating for a short time and you realized that you did the deed too soon; so you cool off to see what the other person’s real intentions are.
If the person’s real intentions are to have a real relationship with you that is suitable to you, then after the hold (no longer than 3 months) then it’s best to resume the Olympic games.
But to hold off for the sake of marriage after you have done the deed, now that is donkey backwards.
That’s like eating a pie and bringing back the empty container to Publix and saying that you wanted to hold off didn’t mean to eat it just yet and want your money back.

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Well, if you start out in the bed, then changing paths afterward is kinda hard. People today jump into bed on the first impulse and that is what needs to change. I’m guilty as well so I’m not throwing any stones. I wish it was like it was a long time ago when you met someone, you dated, became friends and the bond grew stronger until you both decided to move forward with intimacy. That way, there was time to discuss what path really needs to be taken and there wouldn’t be this issue of jumping on and off.

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Good morning all!

I am – I had some cheesecake last night so I think i’m at my max limit for sin this week. But I will definitely keep that in mind as the day goes on. Mmmmmm cheesecake

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Hola!

This will be an interesting topic. I cannot wait to hear what some of the guys and a few of the gals have to say!

Personally, I don’t do the dog-in-heat action, so when I drop it I know I am ready for it, and there is no turning back unless it was wack!

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“Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?”

No.

Next topic?

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@Swiss, have you ever tried to doing this??? I guess I was thinking Swiss wanted to see more than her puddy

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It has worked for married couples for centuries

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Dirty D — No. It makes no sense to me. You’re either comfortable enough with me to do the d@mn thing, or you’re not. If you’re suddenly not — then we have a problem.

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Hell No!

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Friday

This is an interesting topic. I have a friend who was dating a girl who had one foot on the band wagon and one foot off. The thing is they have YET to close the deal and they are getting married soon. What if when they finally do close the deal and it turns out to be horrible?

How would you handle someone who was partially on the band wagon; as in we can do this but we cant do that?

I would personally want someone who was 100% in or out. No in between the game!

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I’d say the opposite is true, troll: a woman is much more likely to attach emotional significance to sex.

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‘I would personally want someone who was 100% in or out. No in between the game!’

Mdot – You have a great point. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who would say one day they are off the sex bandwagon, only to have him pick and choose whenever HE felt it convenient for him to want to back slide. Either we’re going to have that be a part of our ‘courtship’ or we aren’t.

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Did ABC just call somebody a troll? LOL Or did I misunderstand. You NEVER resort to name calling…that was funny.

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This my perspective as a 50 y.o. male, divorced 10 years. I agree with Jeanette in that it often means the sex wasn’t satisfying. But can often mean the relationship has peaked in other areas, and sudden celibacy is pre-emptive to breaking it off and going in a new direction. At our age, I find some partners (women) have been scarred from previous relationships, and are very wary of entanglement. Men don’t scar as easily, and remain happy-go-lucky and take life as it comes.

my case study: About 7 years ago, I found myself in a very flirtacious romance with a great woman. After a coupla months, it culminated in a great one-night stand for both of us. Not just me, it was good sexually for her as well… I mean, if you have any perception at all, you can tell if your partner is really enjoying it, or just going thru the motions. But that was to be the end of it… why?
Becuz she had been so damaged from the past that she feared the committment to which we were heading. It was just much easier to not date and have to put up with it all, even if some of the cost was celibacy.
She and I remain very good friends, constantly teasing each other via text, FaceBook, etc. She has never dated anyone since to my knowledge. But we don’t date, and we don’t do it.. not that I wouldn’t like another shot. So … you can be friends afterward.

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Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?
Sure it’s possible, but not likely. If you tell me you want to be celibate, I’m assuming you found somewhere else to get it…you just want to be celibate with me. GTFOH.

If the person’s real intentions are to have a real relationship with you that is suitable to you, then after the hold (no longer than 3 months)
I am If my intention was to have a real relationship with you, then you’ve immediately ruined it by trying to make me wait 3 months. If we’ve already had sex, I’m not waiting around 3 months for you to decide if it’s real. You go ahead and hold out, and in the meantime I’ll go find someone who is mature, secure, and respects me enough to not play games sex.

whether you abandon them on account of it reflects on their real importance to you.
abc Antecedently, their decision to be celibate reflects on my real importance to them.

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@Slim

Also I think she may try to use that to control him. She was like we can do XY but we cant do that. I would rather have nothing than get teased on the regular. Like you said, not when its conveient for them!

@blue-7/30

That would be crazy. Can you get that annulled?

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A 3 month rule gonna get ya passed over cause at this age you show know if you wanna Fcuk or not.. We gonna do it when the situation arises.. Pun Intended..

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Point taken, DM, but it raises the question: is sex the most important thing in the relationship, and if so, is that enough to stick around anyway?

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This topic has me cooing:

Remember that special night
When all of the stars were shining bright
We made our first endeavor to stay together
We made our very first promise
To love, to share, and be real honest
But on that very first night
It wasn’t quite right

Let’s wait awhile
Before it’s too late
Let’s wait awhile
Our love will be great
Let’s wait awhile
Before we go too far

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@ Jeff — Your comment put that George Michael song in my head…

“Sex is natural, sex is good.

Not everybody’s done it, but everybody should…”

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I wouldn’t do it. Going celibate after sex is too much like a put down on the other person’s sexual technique and performance.

Besides, the sexual tensions between the couple will rise, and either be met by someone else, or the reason for the sexual tension will be dropped. Either way, it will appear to be manipulative or game playing.

Your Mom was right- wait until you are sure. If you screw before knowing, you may lose your chance entirely.

Americans like both hot and cold water to mix and come out of just one tap. Only the Brits like having serarate hot and cold water spouts.

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“Oh so I get it. You just don’t want to be sexing two dudes at the same time…I understand that”

@Slim at least he was understanding..LOL

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$1.50 cheesecake at the cheesecake factory
ALL DAY!!!
I thought it has half-off any slice if you dine in.

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@czBrat I agree…this is a “going green” five minute topic.

@DreamsM and I am…I really don’t care about the fine print; I just want a slice of that cheesecake.

Roll call, where is Melo, Lady, PK, mark, trevor, and MR Lurker?

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GM

I went from being lovers to friends and neither one of us had a problem doing it. The sex was amazing for both of us, but there was the feeling afterwards with us that it could only be all or nothing. We were not there and accepted that we would move forward without that being apart of our relationship. He is my friend – and I love him so I would rather not have sex than to jepordize what we have. What I know for sure is good friendships out last dating and sometimes marriages.

So to answer the question, Yes, it can be done if you value the person more than you value sex with that person. Just as a disclaimer – this may not work for most people this is just my life.

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DK/DreamsM, just because a woman changes her mind, does not mean another man has entered the picture. What about I am, statement when she feels she should hold back for a few months? I am, can chime in, but it sounds like she want to see if there is more to the relationship than sex. She is not seeking sex from someone else, she is still focused on you.

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I dont think, in most cases, that Genie will go back into the bottle. If you have sex, and then one partner or the other backs off, then usually the relationship will die. One partner found in the other partner something lacking (usually). There are always exceptions, but I think this is true most of the time.

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DreamsM and I am…I really don’t care about the fine print; I just want a slice of that cheesecake.
Double D’s yeah me too. I’ll race you there. lol

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The thing is they have YET to close the deal and they are getting married soon.

@M. dot there is a married lady that gets her hair done at the shop I used to go to. She was talking about her first marriage, and how they waited until they were married to do the deed (neither were virgins), but they wanted to do things right. Well, according to her he could not work it, and the stick he was using was small and thin. She said he knew he was not satisfying her, and he became very jealous and did not trust her.

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Ok where is Elijah.. Where you and Mr Lurker at? Ha ha you get on here and smooze, kiss butt and simp in one breath and then you turn into a psychopath in the next breath.. Ha ha ha.. I knew you was faking it.. Boy you need to take that act on the road.. Oh and if you need a new Moniker I got you one.. Think of the Batman character with the coin.. Ummm his name is.. Two Face.. Bwah Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Now Bloggers this is a prime example of why you shouldnt change your name and blog under different personalities cause its gonna come back to bite you one day..

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Good morning folks!

@SexxyCool??

I think u are on yesterday or day be4 or day b4 of be4 topic…friends with ex topic….did u leave ur reading glasses behind?

Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?

Ye.eggh .I mean..Ne..eee,.I mean Hell NO!

here is what trips me with a chic thats in luv..some of uall dont want to hear the truth.

If u go that sex!,then “no sex buddy, until we get married” route,understand that if he agrees,hes proly getting his tank filled on the side.

Coz what right man gets to agree to eating starters be4 dinner and then agrees to defer eating the real full course dinner untill the next day??

I can understand a “lets slow it down a notch on the sexx,not humping each and every day” coz u dont want to depreciate the puddsy too much but i have never heard of “cootie/wang remorse” when the cootie or wang is very good or good and u want it to be ur own. Never!

U get cootie remorse when the cootie is cold and blah and u been tempted coz the chic seemed nice,christian like but u still wanted to hit coz she looks phine and tempting on the outside but then on hitting, u realize,No,u wronged Jesus here,u shld have let that alone….thats when u say “babeey.lets concetrate on prayer,we sinned to God!” code for, “ur cootie sucks!”

In this day and age when suposedly celibate monks and nuns are humping..u want to bench ur man’s wang for future use after he has sampled??

Ure setting urself up for longterm marriage dissappointment!

freaky eaky friday nod pple!

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Elijah – Come out and Playyy e yay!! Clinking my Bottles togehter

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thats when u say “babeey.lets concetrate on prayer,we sinned to God!” code for, “ur cootie sucks!”
HaHaHa that’s funny as he!! but true.

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Jeannette: your 8:58 post: I disagree
The “coloring” was banging. But I said I wanted to slow it down because I didn’t want it to be the focus.

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@M./Diana – i think that type of thing is how you get folks on Maury and Springer talking about their here to confess that they are actually a woman when all their SO thought they were male, or vice versa . i’ll be d@mned if we are about to get married and i dont know for a fact what sex you are!

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Sarah, i’ve been there too and have a great friend to show for it. my understanding of the topic was not about becoming “friends” after intimacy but about continuing the committed relationship minus the sex. someone please set me straight. it’s friday and i’ve already met my heavy thinking quota for the week.

hmmmm, @ DK 10:01, surely that’s not even possible LOL!!

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awww, folks in my regular breakfast hole paid for my breakfast this morning

thanx for the bday wishes yesterday Diana, PR!

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CZ – Ha ha.. Hey it is what it is.. Im a real-ist.

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I can see it working if it’s a woman with a man who is gay but doesn’t want to be publicly out. And that is a maybe. Otherwise it’s generally called being friends or being pretty damn old.

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Sarah, he’s waiting on you. He can probably live with or without it. Sometime us chicks are stressing over stuff that really, a dude ain’t gonna give two heave hoos about. He’s probably cool being cool or cool if throw getting down up in the mix. If you don’t want to get down he’s cool with that cause he’ll be friends with you (no pressure) while getting down elsewhere. But just in case ya’ll slip and fall into it from time to time, he’s cool with that too, cause that’s the kind of friend he is. Don’t do it if you can’t handle the casualness of it all. Sounds like to me it’s gonna be a FWB type thing. I hope this don’t sound mean cause that’s not my intent.

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“…we already know your favorite breakfast hole”

Dirty D — Mmmmmm mmm…. Yup. Had it w/ extra syrup this morning….

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HELL NO!

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My Bad! the $1.50 cheesecake was from the facebook fan page if you printed the invite and it occurred yesterday.
Can’t believe I missed it!

today is 1/2 off all day.

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“today is 1/2 off all day.”

And so it is…. So, take your pick ladies — top half or bottom half… OFF!

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Does Wise Diva give dating/relationship advice?? I have a burning question!!

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Bethany, you ain’t gotta ask…just post something you’ll get comments and advice in droves.

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Bethany – well you may want to get that checked out. Not sure how a blog moderator can help you if you’re burning. But for real tho, that’s what the blog community is for so lay the question on us and see a plethora of ‘advice’ come your way. lol

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Okay… That’ll work.
I have a serious question and I was hoping to gain some insight… I know you’ll give it to me straight. So here goes-

I’ve been in a wonderful relationship with a great man for a year now. We connected early in an amazing way. One of the best things about our relationship is that we see eye to eye on everything, and we understand each other… except when it comes to dealing with his child’s mother. I’ve never seriously dated a man with a child before him, and he hasn’t been in a relationship with anyone who is not his son’s mother since they broke up about 5 years ago. All of the major issues we have usually can be traced to something having to do with how he handles situations when it comes to her. Now, when I decided to jump all the way into a relationship with him, I knew it would be an adjustment being with someone who has a child, as his son will be (and should be) his number 1 priority. But I did not sign up to come in 3rd behind his son’s mother. I feel as if he makes too many decisions that revolve around her feelings, sometimes at the expense of mine. I have yet to meet his son or his son’s mother, so it’s not her personally… Just who she represents. Another woman my man has to deal with everyday. Anyway, just recently, they took a trip together to visit their son at away camp, together, and I couldn’t figure out why they couldn’t schedule to visit him on 2 different weekends. I was concerned about sleeping arrangements, and he didn’t get that I was uncomfortable and found it inappropriate really, that they would be sleeping in the same room. He made me feel as if I were over-reacting. Was I?? Am I supposed to be okay with something like that? When I asked why couldn’t one of them wait and go another weekend, I was accused of being selfish, as he said quote “How do you look telling someone they should wait to see their child”, when that’s not it at all, I’m just wondering why they had to go on the SAME weekend. At any rate, I love him to death, this is the man that I want to spend my life with and he has expressed that he wants the same thing. So what steps do we need to take to smooth things out as far as this situation goes. It’s turned into an argument nearly everytime we talk about something dealing with his son’s mother. And we’re both sick of it.

-Bethany At The End Of My Damn Rope

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@Bethany..thats just one incident,what are the other instances of disagreement that make u feel u number 3??

But I did not sign up to come in 3rd behind his son’s mother

other examples if dont mind??

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@swiss – lol, houston we have a problem….
@melo – uh, yeah that answers it. now i wanna go home…..;)

@Bethany – im with Lurk – is there some reason you two have been together this long, talking love and comittment and you havent met his son? that sounds harsh, not what i mean, but like sometimes there are circumstances that could keep it from happening is all, or has one of you just not made the effort?

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@Melo
Well, he’ll need to talk to her about whatever, and instead of calling or emailing, he goes to her house to talk. And not to see his son cause the times I’m talking about his son isn’t even there. But when I ask, what do you need to physically go over there for, he says something like “I’m just being friendyl, everything doesn’t always have to be done over the phone. Sometimes it’s nice just to talk to somebody about important things face to face.”

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Sorry…”then you will find out…”

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Gotta go with m&m on this. He’s lying, still creeping with the ex, and if after a year you haven’t met the kid, you aren’t going to. The only thing that is “serious” about your relationship is that he’s playing you.

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I’m 100% positive he’s not still sleeping with her or anything like that. That’s not the issue.

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Bethany, how are you so sure there is no hanky-panky?

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You have to tell a person up front that you are celibate. No need to waste each others valuable time and money. I have ran across a few females who told me they are not into casual or meaningless sex. From that point on I didnt pursue them in a dating manor. If you are celibate you basically need to sit on the side lines and find what you seek within yourself on why you are celibate or date and impotent man that dont want any or cant perform. Some women are say they are celibate or that they dont want casual or meaningless sex to put value or a premium on pssy. The normal age rage is females between 28-38 that pull that ploy.

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Bethany….come on…he does a joint visit to the son and is incredulous that you are upset over the sleeping arrangments? He goes to visit her alone and not on the phone for discussions about their son? and you are SURE he is not sleeping with her….sorry, dear that makes no sense. You have nothing from day one to go one but what he has told you (ie, shes celibate, we dont connect, etc etc etc)

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Well I aint gonna say he wrong for not letting you meet the Lil one cause its chicks Ive been with for a while and they havent met the Dude.. Now as far as them going down on the same weekend aint no big deal because it may have been parents weekend but…. Sleeping in the same room.. Nah thats where I would have to draw the line but hey maybe they have a great relationship and it works for them.. Does his Ex have a boyfriend? What does he think? He prolly didnt know she was staying in the same room with her ex, cause you know how ya’ll ladies omit certain aspects of the story..

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Bethany, I’m willing to bet he is still involved with his son’s mother.

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I went out with someone who I haven’t seen in nearly a year. We knew each other for about two years and then fell out last year. Needless to say, he called me last week and asked if I would join him for his birthday, which I agreed; however something came up and I was forced to cancel at the last minute and promised to make it up. Well he called me the next night and I told him I already had plans, so we agreed to meet the following evening. Do you know this mutharucker had the nerves to pick me up (we live ab 45 minutes away from each other), take me out, and then attempted to take me to his new home in a gated community in the middle of nowhere! And he caused a scene and put me out of his vehicle when I told him I wanted to go home and did not feel comfortable going to his house (basically declining his offer for sex)…WTF I can’t believe he even tried me, let alone left me like that. Here I was all dressed up, standing outside in the middle of nowhere since I wasn’t familiar with the area…I am so glad I had my trusty card and mad money handy, but can’t understand how could he do such a thing…yeah, some may say he could care less about me or was being selfish or was upset after being stood up.

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Kimmie – Honestly Im not letting a babe meet the dude until we dang near almost engaged.. I just dont see introducing him to a new babe every two years or so if it doesnt work out..

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You guys aren’t helping meeeee! lol. the issue is how do I get him to understand that I’m not comfortable with the way he’s handling things? I know enough about her from other people to know she’s as over him as he is her, as far as that goes. As I said, it’s not about her PERSONALLY, cause I know they have not a single romantic feeling left for each other. I know it’s important for them to have a friendly relationship, and I’d rather it be that than to be a stressful/dramatic/bitchy baby mama scenario. But yeah… the taking the trip together and the sleeping arrangements really blew me, and he didn’t get it.

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DK – He’s not “wrong” for not letting her meet his son, because they are not serious. The ball is really in her court. She has to come to grips with the fact that she’s just some chick he’s kicking it with on the side, and if she is cool with that. If she’s not, and it looks like she isn’t, she should bounce.

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But Bethany already knows and 99.9% sure what it is or she wouldn’t be asking. She just needs a sounding board and reassurance that she ain’t wrong.

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sorry, spelled that wrong, B E T H A N Y, lol, fingers get ahead of me sometimes….

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Actually, Bethany. The blog is helping you – it’s just that no one is saying what you want to hear.

You want someone to co-sign or explain away the bllsht that o’boy is feeding you so that you can feel better about ignoring your instincts.

But listen, I am telling you from experience, when you know in your SPIRIT that sht don’t feel right – IT AIN’T RIGHT.

You’ve already bought into the bullsht for a year. Ask yourself – how much longer are you going to accept less than?

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“You guys aren’t helping meeeee! lol. the issue is how do I get him to understand that I’m not comfortable with the way he’s handling things?”

Sorry dear….again. But this is almost like a politician who looks for an answer while refusing to recognize the real source of the problem. We cant help you. You dont want what multiple people are telling you. You want advice on dealing with him and getting him to change. The basic fact here is if was going to change, it would have happened by now. When you are willing to admit and deal with the REAL problem, then maybe others can help you. But the way you are looking at this relationship? ….sorry, no one here can help you…..

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@Melo
I’m 25, he’s 29, kid is 6, baby mama is 35. I know she knows about me. I know his best friend and have adopted her as my own. Parents and siblings, not yet cause they all live in different states. I don’t live with him, son splits time half and half between them, I’m practically there any time his son isn’t. yes, we’ve explicitly defined our relationship and we are TOGETHER, I have no doubts that he loves me and we have long term plans. i haven’t met his son because as i’ve said, he’s never dated anybody before me so he’s making sure he doesn’t bring me into his son’s life before the time is right.

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No.. I’m listening. I taking everything in…

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And really, I can sympathize with you. I allowed Shthead to manipulate me by minimizing my reactions to fcked up stuff that he did.

i.e. Him calling me insecure when I questioned him about why one particular chick was calling him ALL THE TIME. This as$hole had the audacity to have conversations with the chick IN FRONT OF ME, all the while telling me that she was just a friend. I didn’t listen to my instincts and months later, my suspicions were confirmed – they had been fcking all the while.

Walk away, babygirl. It’s hard and it will hurt, but it will be to your benefit because this relationship is toxic FOR YOU.

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“I know his best friend and have adopted her as my own”

His “best friend” is a chic? Aw hell, I bet he’s hitting that, too. This dude has got you all dyckmatized….

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There is no way in hizzell that a dude you’re dating can expect you to be okay with going out of town and sleeping in same room as an ex. If the shoe was on the other foot, he probably would’ve dropped you already.
Go in person to talk to a baby mama when the kid isnt there —> Another Red Flag. I can see if it was some life altering decision to be made about the kids health or something but outside of that —>Red flag!

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Are you sure the kid is there as much as he says he’s there? And that he doesn’t have some other chick(s) over when you’re not there?

“I have no doubts that he loves me and we have long term plans.” – Yeah. So did me and Shthead.

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@its lurker – no joke, i was just thinking the same thing, what if there is no kid

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“…we have long term plans”

Yep. And his long-term plan is to keep phlucking all of y’all for as long as possible…

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“don’t get it” or I’m being selfish.

You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you. This is the time in your life to be a bit “selfish”. Once you become a parent, you become less so, at least you should. You read like a sweet young lady. He knows you are sweet and young, and he’s playing you like you are a little puppy. He knows exactly what he is doing, and so does ex. She’s 35 – yeah, she’s very hip to the game too.

I know it’s tough, but save yourself some heartache. Even if you end up marrying this guy, this is a sign of life ahead and what you’ll have to deal with. The beyotchy, crazy baby-mama drama – it’s being played right before your eyes, in a passive-agressive way.

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My friends wives (2), (and my ex for a short time) have tried to make it a non-sexual relationship on occasion. My one friend went an entire year wihtout doing the bangitty with his wife. They went to therapy and she said “why can’t we just stay married, not have sex, and be friends”. Of course, she was in to her 2nd marriage with him by the age of 26, but I’m sure mental stability on her part has nothing to do with it. LOL Why would I want to have to be sexually loyal to someone I’m not having sex with. She then just becomes a roommate or friend.

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Bethany, nice, innocent, with the wool over your eyes Bethany,

You are third in line for real on this one. He is in a relationship with the Baby Mama aka BM. There are plenty of single parents out there, and not many are doing things as mommy and daddy, unless they are really a couple they are a couple and you are the side piece.

Overnight at camp, never met the siblings, doing things as a family, not meeting the son, girl get it together, and get tested you have been played!

Help LOL I am just glad you are safe and sound. Ladies this is a good example, and teaching point for y’all to stop putting on those turned over heels trying to glut down a free meal. If you don’t deal with a man, or stop dealing with a man don’t jump up going out with that man just because he called keep it moving, unless you want to be at a standstill.

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so he’s making sure he doesn’t bring me into his son’s life before the time is right.

@Bethany??

that statement is making excuses for him….are u ok with not seeing his son,seeing that u been there for a year and u regard ur relationship as serious??

After a year,its about time u saw the son and he becomes a part of u 4,i wld say.

Here is the crazy and real part for me..chick is 35,dude is 29, to me,chic is in a more manipulative control of situation as compared to dude(age wise)..i really dont know him but my gutt feeling tells me,dude is hitting it,even tho they may not be dating…..and she is complicit in all this,even tho he loves u…(oooogh,,,, did i say that playa move??)

Chick is getting slayed and spiting u in the process coz u are youngie,in her mind!

u sound so sure that they are thru, im not sure how u came to the conclusion??

That sleeping in same room move….see, i have done that with a female even tho i really wanted the draws and was not given the opportunity…i wldnt be comfortable if i were u, to allow that situation to happen and assume ur dude aint hitting…thats a stretch.

If u really luv this dude and u think he loves u too..sit his azz down and lay some ground rules….what u truly desire in a relationship..dont hoodwink urself or short change urself coz of how u feel about him in general..there shld be ground rules to a true relatunship and what u desire in one.

If he flips on u in a rage..thats a mere cover up..hes been cheating u all along!

hope that helps.

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@Swiss I hope bethany is punking us, because the other side of the coin says she is punking herself if she believes this bullshyt!

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@kimmie,
I appreciate what you’ve said. My mom has said some of the exact same things, that these things may be a sign of things to come and if I go with this dynamic now, that’s how it’ll always be, but that’s what I’m asking. how do I go about changing it if he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from? I get that most of the decisions he makes are in the best interest of his son. But some are in the best interests of his BM. I don’t care about her best interests. I try to be understanding, cause I realize that if she’s happy/placated, the less likely she is to cause stress and drama for him, which I don’t want.

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Okay, Bethany — You know what, maybe you’re right. Maybe your dude is totally in love with and faithful to you. That being the case, stop your whining. Matter of fact, when he comes home tonight, you should immediately drop to your knees & s*ck that wang real good. Then make him some dinner & shut the phluck up, dammit! Is that more like what you want to hear?

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@Leggs – Thanx, and tell Lady i said thanx too. got teh feeling i may miss her today….

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Thanks, DD!
I was only trying to be nice since it was his darn Bday. I believe he either wanted me to see his place (hit it…taken from its me) and note some of the changes that he had made or he could have had some built up resentment about how things ended and was waiting for the perfect time to execute his plan!
Men, would you ever do something like this? And how would you feel if the tables were turned?

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if I go with this dynamic now, that’s how it’ll always be, but that’s what I’m asking. how do I go about changing it if he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from?

Cause really, the major changing has to come from HIM. The only thing you can change is how you react to the situation.

Believe me, he totally understands where you are coming from! He just doesn’t care about where you are coming from. He’s not stupid, that’s why he’s been able to get away with this. And so-called ex is sitting back, conducting this entire symphony!

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Happy Birthday Blue!
Hey everyone!

Celibacy, u r in ur out I think, like DD said no turnin back unless its whack

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So Bethany are you #3???? We’ve had two folks change their monikers tell us if you are a regular.

@Swiss this whole situation is crazy We need a topic change.

@Melo do you really believe this chick is serious????

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“One of the best things about our relationship is that we see eye to eye on everything, and we understand each other…”

@Bethany ~ apparently the above statement isn’t true. I tell you this. When you’re ready to take off the colored coded glasses, you be able to see better. We have all been “snowed” one way or another and recognize game when it comes. Your posts comes across as thought he is seriously playing you. Like SexyC said, when you’re ready, you’re ready and you are not ready!

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“We need a topic change”

That we do, Dirty D. So… You still sporting that landing strip this week? Have you ever tried the Reverse Hitler?

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HELP, how old are you? How old is dude? Did dude call or text you after he left you? If so what did he say? Do you have any brothers or cousins? Can you find that location again?

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@blue- I am NOT a J-LO fan at all! I like Steven Tyler as a judge. Oh, blue what did you wear last night to the show did you take melo’s advice, or my advice? I guess a mixture of both would have been cool too

@swiss I don’t know what a reversed hitler is…tell me so I can try something new.

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@Melo do you really believe this chick is serious????

@Dirty??

a young 25 female ?? ,its possible to think its credible story,esp if being handled by an older ish playa coupled with a ex, thats cougarish( 35) thats hip to the manipulation game..in the background as Kimmie says.

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Dirty D — It’s kinda like a landing strip, only shorter. Looks like a little mini-Hitler ’stache on top of the kitty. Also known as The Sexy Soul Patch.

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@Princess – meant to add a but got distracted, lol
@swiss – reverse hitler? wth?
@Diana – Steven Tyler i could work with, seems J-lo would be just “nice” all the time….nope, didnt take the advice only cause hubby and moms switched out on me, lol. Santana is more my moms thing than his, so she went with me. and melos suggestion just woulda been icky then lmao. stuck with the capris at that point. but me and hubby got the whole weekend, and suggestions will be used then!

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Swiss, that sounds good I am going to try it out. I will show it to you next Friday, like I did last week

Do you know of any other hairdo’s for ↓ there ?

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congrats to Gman! *is that his moniker? i forgot his name, but i know his real name. he jus got married the other week.* anyhoo . . . many blessing to you and your new wife. :~)

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Melo, I bet the 29 year old learned some “Sex Intelligence” from that 35 year old and used it on that 25 year old and now she is sprung off that weenie. See she should tell him she is now celibate the truth will come out, because him and BM will have a lot of “family” stuff to do then

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She’s probably threatening not to let him see his son if he doesn’t play by her rules

@Dreamz/Bethany??

shes def using her child support leverage,proly…maybe they have a side deal,where she dont go to court but she manipulates him…..some like that….and dude is timid and scared of her…..getting side cootie too,to make him even softer..

only salvation is for chic to drop him..if she wants him that bad,skip to another town so he can follow…etc….

either way,chic is being played like fiddle!

I kinda see/understand the dilemna most men have in this country..castrated by their exes..too sad!

no wonder most dudes in this country are just pinch hitters……no longevity…..!

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Relax folks….Bethany is young she will learn the truth…..YES she will sooner or later!

Good comments from ABC and Infamous. I find too many women are too eager to introduce thir kids to a SO before you know you are going to get married. No kid needs to see a revolving door of women or men in their parents life.. Golden Nuggets from Elijah I mean LURKER… YEA

TIme to start I bet when……….Infamous and Flip Flops were getting it on and on!!!

Infamous… Flip flops you see these tats on my back this is a world map, I been to all those place.I am worldly man..So you know I am going to turn this mother out…..

FlipFlopss….Well Mr. Infamous I ready to be turn inside out because I likes me a worldly man…Also I need to keep my flip flops on while you are giving me the Mt Rushmore.
Didn’t you say you climb that mountain in a previous conversation?

Infamous….Flips I am going to climb you going up and ride you hard going down, because that’s how I do it…..
Flip Flops…..My infamous do what you do……

After the sex session…..Infamous ask Flip Flops how was it……with a big smile on his face..
Flips Flop that was good now I want to ride the scream machine…..

Infamous…Oh you heard about the scream machine…O.K.. walk this way to my backyard…Their it is that contraption/sliding board is my son’s scream machine going and ride…when you finish I need you to make me a ham sammich with mustard…..

Flips Flop….WTF is going….. To be continued…… YES LURKER is in the house..

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DD,
No, that sorry SOB did not call me nor do I have any siblings…or family here! I know people like to say that women are the emotional ones, but I honestly believe men have a harder time expressing themselves or dealing with anger/resentment. But how could he do such a thing w/o any remorse

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HELP, he is crazy, and he pulled that mess because you are here by yourself. Certain stuff men just don’t do and that is one of them. Who puts someone out of the car, because he can’t get no poo-tain.

See if you had brothers, cousins with warrants etc. he would have thought twice.

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Who puts someone out of the car, because he can’t get no poo-tain.

Let me go back and read…people do that kind of stuff?

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A lot of times dudes use the “meet the kid” thing as a scapegoat. They know good and well they have no intentions of any kind of future with a woman and they don’t have the guts to be straight with her. They use it like dangling a carrot in front of a bunny.

@Kimmie I agree. In fact, I hold my loving in the same category they hold their chilluns, so not play until I see some effort! When you say that the games stop, but I don’t date men with children issues. I have no time for BM drama.

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Speaking of which… Am I the only guy out there who still likes a little grass on the playground? I’m tired of this bald trend…

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Dirty D — I don’t mind a little bush every now & then… It’s a nice change of pace — sorta like a throwback jersey. Although, I should add the caveat: I only like bush on black chics. My people, Asians, etc., it tends to get to long & stringy & falls out too easily… Never a good thing for down there — might choke a homey…

But yeah, Mrs. Swiss doesn’t like it, either… she maintains a well-groomed landing strip year round…

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@swiss – lmao, seems youve put some thought into this, lol
whats the barely there look called?

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Trevor — Yeah, I agree, but seems like black hair doesn’t fall out as easily, somehow…? Or maybe it’s just luck of the draw? I dunno…

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whats the barely there look called?

worthy of a good tongue lashing!

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… I’d call that The Buzz Lightyear

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I have the forrest look going on!

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@swiss – As in trimmed short, but natural coverage – yep, thats the one

@Dreams – thanks for the insight. stress and negativity most definitely. i see what your saying about it coming back around. my mom keeps saying report it, but dont see that turning out well. he and his family are not above telling the boy “do you know what your mother did?” and dont want to end up with him blaming me. may have to follow your advice

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See Im the kinda guy that wouldnt lie to you about why I dont think you should meet my son.. I just tell women and if they cant understand it.. Thats on them.. And it dont mean I dont really like her.. Im doing what I think is best for my son. The best way I can put it is.. When it comes to him it aint even about her and when its time for them to meet they will meet. Honestly you need to worry about me anyway..

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BP considering changing their name.

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Swiss – I dont mind a Har down thar either..

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Swiss I do like the look when a little hair grows back, and it is short and even all over.

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Am I the only guy out there who still likes a little grass on the playground? I’m tired of this bald trend…
Bald is cool, but a little variety is good. I’m not partial to the thicket (as melo would say) though. As long as it’s low cut and neatly trimmed, I’m good.

kimmie I’m not sure what other dudes do, but I would never use my kids an excuse for anything. That’s cowardly behavior. My kids and my girl are mutually exclusive in the beginning…one has nothing to do with the other. If she has a problem with this, then I’m not one to lie to convince her to stay. She deserves what she’s looking for, and if I’m not it then I encourage her to seek it elsewhere. I hope she’d do me the same favor.

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@WD ~ I’m ready too…Going to Birmingham to see Nephew Tommy and Jaheim.

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@Sexy – good suggestion, but unfortunately dont know where he works. i suppose if thats meant to come out, it will.

Thanks for the input guys!

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Most employers that are in compliance will only take an order from the court system or child support enforcement directly. It is the stupidest thing to take an order from the actual BM or BD, they could have created that mess at home in retaliation! The courts/CS always send over the orders!

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“Swiss I do like the look when a little hair grows back, and it is short and even all over.”

I like that look, too…

Melo — Comes totally naturally for me… Matter of fact, it gets me going about as much as it does the Mrs….

Now, what’s the over/under on how many posts it takes until I get banished for excessive freaky-deak?

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@Swiss??

i like a lil grass too…..not a thicket that will literally tear ur wang tip,if it hasnt been visited in a bit..but a lil trim cut.

too plain bare is not my style either..i want my woman to look grown.

I wonder how them celibate(or pining) females with thickets feel when they get hot,real wet and start oozing out but there is no dycck follow thru….. It must be hard wiping all that mooshy mess with all those long black brushy strands of pub….and the funk!! ..and then wiping all that stuff coz u got high from BOB………??? pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassse! get a lyfe!

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We have to imagine your kid/niece or nephew or mother is reading what you write

@WD…??

dating advice BLOG for kids or adults??

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Melo, that is too funny that 2:27! You know some of these women are getting their d on with other folks men

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The HELP always receive orders, but are not apart of the processing and implementation. The courts will send out an order, because the employer address, etc. in on the actual order. The BM or BD may have an expired order, there maybe back CS etc. associated with the order.

Hell 1/2 of these folks haven’t seen the other parent in three or four years, that old order is not worth the paper it was printed on.

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I’m not sure what other dudes do, but I would never use my kids an excuse for anything. That’s cowardly behavior

Dreams – You’d be surprised what dudes do. This is stuff I’m sure they don’t talk about with the fellas. And really, what I’m talking about are dudes that go on and on about the kid and the fact that they are excluding the woman from the little “inner circle”. Although I’m sure that they love the child, it is done not as a great concern for the child. It’s like they are freezing you out. The woman can hang around for it if she wants.

It’s like this: I have no problem if in the beginning you make your feelings on bringing your child around dates known. I can totally respect that. But constantly tripping about how you don’t let any woman meet your kid, and you’re constantly throwing it up even though I haven’t said anything about meeting them – now you are tripping. And yes, I had a dude to do me like that. I never pressured or even mentioned meeting his daughter, it was the 1st time I had dated a guy with a child and she was about 6 or 7. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just sorta followed his lead on what he thought best for his child. But after a point it got ridiculous! He had partial custody and the girl lived in FLA with her mom & stepdad. He would drive down ever so often to visit her or send for her for a month or 2 over the summer. He would have cookouts and such at his place and make it a point to exclude me because his child was there, and throw it in my face. I got tired of the mistreatment and I know it wasn’t because of this “great concern” for his kid. By the time I did meet her, we didn’t even date anymore and I didn’t care whether I met her or not.

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Okay….now Lorenzen Wright’s ex-wife is saying she received a threatening visit 6 weeks ago from guys in black coats and guns. Something don’t smell right!!!! She set that man up and whoever it was came and got him. She probably called and told them he was there….if she had anything to do with it, how can she sleep at night knowing she had something to do with killing her kid’s father. SMH

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whatindaworld – I just told TheDude yesterday that the ex-wife did it or knows who did.

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Diana—-I thought you was going to squash your beef with SexyCool—-Why always starting shyt?? You asked her not to respond to your comments and stay in her line, but you just got to the petty person—Grow UP!!!! She is responding based on what she knows and you on yours. No need to for that low down mess you trying to pull!!

Are you a professor or a consultant? I am confused????

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Dreams – I’ve had guys use the “situation”, a child, as a scapegoat. One had a child that lived out of state with her mother and stepdad. She would spend some weekends and summers with her dad. He would make it a point to let me know that I wasn’t invited to cookouts and other gatherings when she was in town, with the excuse that he wasn’t ready for her to meet me. Just throwing it in my face, even though I never even asked about meeting her. He was the 1st guy I had dated with kids so I really didn’t know how that worked or how to broach the subject.

It was wild, because when I kinda weened away from him & started seeing other guys, he was breaking his neck to have me over, & meet her. By the time we met, I really didn’t care one way or the other.

I’ve had others to try those games with their kids, but I shut them down quick. That’s your kid, not mine.

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And as much as I would love to stay around for the mud-slinging, extra-over the top, you have too much time on your hands to attempt to insult me as rudely as you can, unnecessary, keyboard courage attack that is coming….it’s time for me to leave for my massage appoint.

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Kimmie – See I dont do all that.. I just kinda leave it at nobody gets laid on Mondays, Wednesdays and every other weekend. I dont go all into detail about whats going on.. I just let somebody know Im available on Tuesdays and Thursdays.. As if Im working or whatever.. Im unavailable on those days. If she wants to kick it then thats whats up if not then I dont work for her..

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@Melo ~ you are a riot. You’re actually asking if your 2:27 was too raunchy….that’s why you post the way you do, you don’t know. Here boo, THAT WAS RAUNCHY!

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One *last* thought for the day….

“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. ”
Audre Lorde

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Kimmie – I know youre cool and laid back and so am I.. I dont throw my kid up in anyones face.. You know me.. I dont put any extra on it.. I’ll talk about the dude in reference to what I did that day but he’s never the focus of our conversation.. If he’s around Im usually not on the phone cause we are pal’n around and if I am he understands Daddy is on the phone. I dont know what kinda cats youve dealt with but I know how to handle my grown man BI and in the process no one feels slighted.. I guess cause I was juggling way before he got here Im kind of use to it.. Ha Ha!!

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DK – Cool. Yeah, I’ve dealt with some “special” jokers in the PAST! LOL!

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Im betting real high stakes dollars that when they sleep tgether tmrw,Chelsea hubby will find out she is a virgin.

shes too boogie and unstreet to have sex?? kinda too good to have sex actually….

whats ur take u bloggettes??

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so whats happening in the city today..weather is cool..we can do some eaky…

anything special happening?

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You, him and Zane should write a book together.

Leggs, Melo and swiss would probably too graphic for Zane and make her blush. Those two need to go to Penthouse Forum.

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Melo,

They have been engaged a long time, I think he hit it before. After all Bill is Chelsa dad.

LOL new moniker for the monkey in contacts. Girl stop!!!

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@DirtyD??

now if u knew ur dad was nasty and did that kinda deed to the Lewisnky whoae,wld u have trust issues with men..u think Chelsea got that at the back of her mind or to her,dad Bill do no wrong?

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@Leggs..u hitting Harristons today?? what ur plans like?

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For the record if I don’t mess with you on the blog, you know I don’t want your monkey tail as a friend on facebook. You should have enough “wisdom” to know that dummy.

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Sexy – As one who has received an order via fax and forwarded to Payroll, I can promise you that it is done.

I ain’t tryna take sides but way back when, yonder years ago when I was mad, I have on more than one occasion faxed the order directly to the employer of my daughther’s father. I got paid too. Might not be the proper thing to do but it worked. Especially when CSE would sit on their hands. I was my own caseworker. LOL

Wisdom II – Yep! You Dirty all right! Trick tried to fb me – I dont want to be your friend

Do tell…let’s do away with all this anonymity…LOL

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u think Chelsea got that at the back of her mind or to her,dad Bill do no wrong

Melo, I think the groom should have it in the back of his head that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Shoot, Chelsea is the female Bill we all know what that means. You a smart man, we had a topic this week, not that kind of girl, and none of our bloghoettes would post. Chelsea is that kind of girl.

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@Melo ~ I haven’t been to Hairston’s since my b-day party. No, not going there. Funds low, cheaper to drink at home, turn the surround sound on, tape the disco ball to the ceiling and PARTAY!

@im swiss ~ thanks for proving Trevor0529’s point.

I doubt Wisdom/Wisdome II is not SexyC.

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I meant I doubt Wisdom/Wisdom II IS SexyC!!!!

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@It’s me lurker and the rest of those needing me to help with your reading skills. Noticed in my post I said the compliance (I even used bold for those not that sharp). We all know compliance is not a big issue for every company. A company in compliance is not process a fax from a BM. There are policies in place especially with public companies i.e Soxs etc.

However I know a lot of people cannot read, comprehend or know what compliance means. I don’t have any outside children phining for a CS check so I don’t care, I just make sure the organizations I am apart of are in compliance key word word of the day.

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czBrat- I think Hillary runs a tight ship, but Chelsea was probably taught how to be discreet as well. I just don’t see her being a v, but I could be wrong…some of Bill blood is in her vains

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DD why all the hostility? Notice in my post I said it may not have been the proper (i.e. compliance) thing to do but it worked.

You read like a ticking time bomb. What’s wrong? Calm down love, really. Everything and everybody won’t agree with all, on a good day. It’s a blog of opinions, sayings, thoughts, feelings, judgements…but at the end of the day, not one knows no one and it’s not that deep. Now breathe….k

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Melo – In other “wedding” news – suppossedly Levi Johnston’s ex, one he was messing with when he & Bristol broke up, is PREGNANT. Bristol is thinking of calling off the wedding!LOL!!

Trash! LOL!!

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@Kimmie??

I shudder to think of that trailer trash fam in the white house.

God forbid!

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ahhhhhh …. starting my 2 hour countdown until i escape the plantation.

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All of those Palins are trashy, I am glad that trash didn’t make it to the White House. Levi needs to wrap it up, at the rate he is going he will have three or four more children, before he gets 35 with no wife in sight.

@czBrat LOL I would like to think that most wait until 17 or 18, and too me that is too early.

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Melo, maybe she said ahhhhhh because she is going to take your advice and sneak her SO in after hours.

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so ahhhhhhh was proly a solo induced exstacy

coming from you I am not sure if that is good or bad, and I am scared to have you tell us more. I don’t want Diva to pull the plug on your account.

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LMAO. nothing like coming back to find i’m the topic of speculation. why can’t i let out a nice, long sigh just coz i’m feeling good? (or at least looking forward to feeling good real soon.

yeah, i went with a low number on the age thing coz of all the nonsense in the news with middle-schoolers being sexually active these days. but i’m thrilled that my son is still waiting (at 18) and my daughter waited until 19. i think that was a HUGE accomplishment by today’s standards.

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why you want to know where the thirsty heifers in my office are hanging

@Leggs??

coz i want to get primed!

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Melo you are a mess!

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Ok, I see your post czB!

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@Melo ~ you are a character I don’t know where the thirsty ones hang out. I do know there are some here. Wait, wait….Barney’s downtown. I think it’s called Barney’s. It’s where we had our first meet and greet with W8…Barney’s, Blarneys, something like that. There’s a lot of thirsty ppl there.

@czB ~ I know see your other post….Thank you!

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Melo, that 4:54 just made me holla…you called a famous person a pick pocket person not too long ago. Was that p. diddy you said pick pockets? What is a primer? I thought w8 was a primer?

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I invoked his name to help you remember the name of the place. You asked where thirsty people hang, that place came to mind. Interesting place. Thirsty people, a bar, and Melo in the cut watching who will stumble first!

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DD, thanx. and to think since she was born i’ve always loved that song “if i could”. when she went through all that mess that’s all i could think about. but she’s a trooper. she handles it chin up, like her mama.

i suppose you early birds are gonna be clearing the room now, so …. ciao!

have a blessed and wonderful weekend all

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Melo — Here’s the website: http://www.johnnyshideaway.com/

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czBrat, I love that song, by Regina Belle….that is the perfect parent/child song. I am glad she is a trooper and she learned a lot from this…she will be ok. Some lessons just seems so unfair.

Melo you never told me what primed means

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@DD ~ with Melo calling himself a “primer” he may mean “prime meat.”

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Melo you never told me what primed means

@DD..the women that get u ready…..when i get in the car to go home..im as horny as daaaamn it!

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I’m SUPER DUPER late with this comment, but my mate and I have been intimate with each other, but 9 months ago we agreed to abstain to ensure that our relationship is not based on sex alone. We’re both in our late 40s and it’s one of the best decisions that we have made. I had been celibate for 3 years prior to dating him. Neither us have regrets about abstaining. We’re closer spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

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Like Slim Diva I am late too, but wanted to weigh-in. I just became reacquainted with a lady I dated 5+ years ago. At that time neither one of us were ready for the other. In the interviening years we kept in touch and I always wanted to date her, but the timing was never right.

Lo and behold she calls me Memorial Day Weekend because she was in-town. We went out and had an off the charts good time. On our first date in 5 years I mentioned to her that I was so sure about what I wanted from her that I could wait until we got married to have sex. Well, last night she asked if I was serious. We are contemplating whether we want and can have a sexless relationship and whether it is realistic for us to wait until we get married, which is at least 18 months from now, if not later. We are supposed to talk about it tomorrow. I have been unsure of what to do or say, but I do acknowledge I meant it when I said I can wait. I value her so much! I am 40+ and know it is the right thing to do. The question is can I do it.

I am inspired by this dicusssion and believe it is a message to me that my abstaining is the right way for us to go.

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ya you are absurdly right, Everybody knows the hot feeling and the cool sprint of a new adult personals relationship. The anticipation of that call, those knocks on the door, or just the brief brushing of hands walking down the street.but if you want to learn more click here…http://bit.ly/9EVCgK

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