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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Celibacy bait and switch

There is no easy way to frame this discussion so I’m just going to put it to you guys straight.  I think we have a good cross section of readers that can provide good answers to this question:

Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?

Whether it was first date hooking up or a one night stand attempt, what happens when someone decides to hop on the celibacy plan?

How would you handle a shift to a “no sex in the champagne room” kind of relationship if you really liked the person? Would it matter at all if you knew why they wanted to become celibate?

What if it was the other way around? What if you met someone who was celibate and they decided to hop off the celibacy plan?

For my own curiosity, I would like to ask those who are on dry land, how do you even broach the subject of your celibacy?   When is the best time to tell someone you are dating that you don’t hook up?

Happy Friday!

344 comments Add your comment

It's me....lurker

July 30th, 2010
3:57 pm

DD why all the hostility? Notice in my post I said it may not have been the proper (i.e. compliance) thing to do but it worked.

You read like a ticking time bomb. What’s wrong? Calm down love, really. Everything and everybody won’t agree with all, on a good day. It’s a blog of opinions, sayings, thoughts, feelings, judgements…but at the end of the day, not one knows no one and it’s not that deep. Now breathe….k

czBrat

July 30th, 2010
3:59 pm

D, these days it’s hard for me to imagine anyone over age 12 being a virgin, but i remain delusional optimistic.

kimmie

July 30th, 2010
4:01 pm

Melo – In other “wedding” news – suppossedly Levi Johnston’s ex, one he was messing with when he & Bristol broke up, is PREGNANT. Bristol is thinking of calling off the wedding!LOL!!

Trash! LOL!!

Melo

July 30th, 2010
4:01 pm

D, these days it’s hard for me to imagine anyone over age 12 being a virgin

@CZBrat??? :shock: : u not for real, are u??

ok,u going to star lite…can i come too…?? :lol:

Melo

July 30th, 2010
4:03 pm

@Kimmie??

:evil: :roll: I shudder to think of that trailer trash fam in the white house.

God forbid!

Melo

July 30th, 2010
4:03 pm

czBrat

July 30th, 2010
4:05 pm

ahhhhhh …. starting my 2 hour countdown until i escape the plantation.

DreamsMaterialize

July 30th, 2010
4:05 pm

these days it’s hard for me to imagine anyone over age 12 being a virgin WTH! Time to reinstate chastity belts.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
4:07 pm

All of those Palins are trashy, I am glad that trash didn’t make it to the White House. Levi needs to wrap it up, at the rate he is going he will have three or four more children, before he gets 35 with no wife in sight.

@czBrat LOL I would like to think that most wait until 17 or 18, and too me that is too early.

Melo

July 30th, 2010
4:13 pm

czBrat???

ahhhhhh ….?? u see, u spoil the fun.

u cant write that nonsense u wrote after ahhhhhhhhhh.

only do ahhhhhhhh,after u drink a cold glass of water and u were reaally really thirsty OR after a good. GOOD throbbing,slapackdicka licka ..ooogghhh uuuughhhhhh …u know whataimena thang! :lol: :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
4:16 pm

Melo, maybe she said ahhhhhh because she is going to take your advice and sneak her SO in after hours.

Melo

July 30th, 2010
4:19 pm

sneak her SO in after hours

@Dirty??

nope,coz i read her entry where she says shes thinking of going to star lite solo..so, S/O aint near there…shes faithful so i dont think there is anybody else near there either tickling her…

so ahhhhhhh was proly a solo induced exstacy…OR its hot over and she drank some cold water to cool down!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
4:24 pm

so ahhhhhhh was proly a solo induced exstacy

coming from you I am not sure if that is good or bad, and I am scared to have you tell us more. I don’t want Diva to pull the plug on your account.

YESSHEISCUTE

July 30th, 2010
4:28 pm

actually it might not necessarily mean the sex was wack…I’ve done it before everything was cool and then the spirit moved me to not fornicate and I had to have the talk “hey I love you but I don’t want to go to hell…is that cool?” most of the time its not and I can’t really blame them. But yeah doesn’t necessarily mean that the sex was wack. Now if they aren’t a spiritual person or their spiritual/religious beliefs do not play a major role in their life…then yes the sex was wack get lost. NEXT.

czBrat

July 30th, 2010
4:32 pm

LMAO. nothing like coming back to find i’m the topic of speculation. why can’t i let out a nice, long sigh just coz i’m feeling good? (or at least looking forward to feeling good real soon. :)

yeah, i went with a low number on the age thing coz of all the nonsense in the news with middle-schoolers being sexually active these days. but i’m thrilled that my son is still waiting (at 18) and my daughter waited until 19. i think that was a HUGE accomplishment by today’s standards.

Leggs

July 30th, 2010
4:32 pm

@Melo ~ curious…why you want to know where the thirsty heifers in my office are hanging. Did I miss something?

@czB ~ this might put a smile on your face. I know for a fact lil leggs is still a virgin and she’ll be sixteen in one month!

Melo

July 30th, 2010
4:38 pm

why you want to know where the thirsty heifers in my office are hanging

@Leggs??

coz i want to get primed!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
4:38 pm

@czBrat I was reading a different blog and a lady wrote in that her daughter was a virgin in every way: never been kissed, never held hands, no smoking, no drinking, no cursing etc. She mentioned that her daughter did a lot of work around the church and in the community, had a host of friends, and was in college. I thought it was remarkable I think she said the young lady was 20. Now, I don’t see anything wrong with holding hands or kissing a little, but her daughter was trying to stay on the straight and narrow.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
4:39 pm

Melo :shock: you are a mess!

czBrat

July 30th, 2010
4:43 pm

Leggs hat’s off to you sistah!! that’s all upbringing right there!

DD, sadly my daughter fell for a dread-locked, blue-eyed, lyrical white devil once she got to college. :evil: that lasted about a year and he dropped her without explanation. she was heartbroken, but she learned a valuable lesson about how valuable she is. she has committed to celibacy and i’m praying she’ll see a lot less heartache in the future. all i can say about my son is that everytime i approach the subject he just says “i have no job and no money. what would i do with a girlfriend?”

Leggs

July 30th, 2010
4:45 pm

Ok, I see your post czB!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
4:47 pm

czBrat- My heart :cry: goes out to your daughter that is a tough lesson to learn, and there is nothing that first heartbreak. It sounds like you have very good kids, and I really like your son approach…no job and no money…so he is not trying to get in any trouble fooling with a girl. There are some men out there that could learn a thing or two from him.

Leggs

July 30th, 2010
4:49 pm

@Melo ~ you are a character :lol: I don’t know where the thirsty ones hang out. I do know there are some here. Wait, wait….Barney’s downtown. I think it’s called Barney’s. It’s where we had our first meet and greet with W8…Barney’s, Blarneys, something like that. There’s a lot of thirsty ppl there. :lol:

@czB ~ I know see your other post….Thank you!

Melo

July 30th, 2010
4:54 pm

It’s where we had our first meet and greet with W8

@Leggs??

I understand,but why u gotta invoke his name…I mean the fleet footed, high roller,romancer in chief puddsy matizer?? :lol: :lol:

i aint trying to borrow $$$ none froim a lady and pick pocket anybody’s puddsy here…im just asking where the primers cld go!

If W8, is there, trust me,he beats me hands down so i got no chance!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
4:57 pm

Melo, that 4:54 just made me holla…you called a famous person a pick pocket person not too long ago. Was that p. diddy you said pick pockets? What is a primer? I thought w8 was a primer?

i'm swiss™

July 30th, 2010
4:57 pm

Melo — If you’re up for some cougar-ific swiss chics, I hear Johnny’s Hideaway is a good spot for thirsty cougars. You won’t even have to hunt — you will be the hunted:lol:

Leggs

July 30th, 2010
4:57 pm

I invoked his name to help you remember the name of the place. You asked where thirsty people hang, that place came to mind. Interesting place. Thirsty people, a bar, and Melo in the cut watching who will stumble first!

Leggs

July 30th, 2010
5:00 pm

Good night!

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” ~ Roy Disney

Hope everyone enjoys this very, very, very hot weekend!

czBrat

July 30th, 2010
5:00 pm

DD, thanx. and to think since she was born i’ve always loved that song “if i could”. when she went through all that mess that’s all i could think about. but she’s a trooper. she handles it chin up, like her mama.

i suppose you early birds are gonna be clearing the room now, so …. ciao!

have a blessed and wonderful weekend all :)

Melo

July 30th, 2010
5:01 pm

Johnny’s Hideaway??

@swiss where??

i'm swiss™

July 30th, 2010
5:04 pm

Melo

July 30th, 2010
5:07 pm

Have a nice weekend folks,u too Swissie!

thanks

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
5:08 pm

czBrat, I love that song, by Regina Belle….that is the perfect parent/child song. I am glad she is a trooper and she learned a lot from this…she will be ok. Some lessons just seems so unfair.

Melo you never told me what primed means

Leggs

July 30th, 2010
5:09 pm

@Melo ~ you best behave yourself!!

Leggs

July 30th, 2010
5:10 pm

@DD ~ with Melo calling himself a “primer” he may mean “prime meat.”

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
5:11 pm

This is for those that like following the blog crowd and joining the bandwagon…marinate!

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.

~Max Lucado

Melo

July 30th, 2010
5:13 pm

Melo you never told me what primed means

@DD..the women that get u ready…..when i get in the car to go home..im as horny as daaaamn it!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 30th, 2010
5:15 pm

Melo,

How do you know Queen wants another woman handling that part. You are a mess! Have fun and I hope you get whatever you are looking for this evening.

SlimDiva

July 30th, 2010
9:24 pm

I’m SUPER DUPER late with this comment, but my mate and I have been intimate with each other, but 9 months ago we agreed to abstain to ensure that our relationship is not based on sex alone. We’re both in our late 40s and it’s one of the best decisions that we have made. I had been celibate for 3 years prior to dating him. Neither us have regrets about abstaining. We’re closer spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

DeevaMeMe

July 30th, 2010
10:15 pm

Bethany, Bethany,Bethany….listen dear…. you are doing what many of us women have done over, and over…you are making excuse for this man…you know its wrong that is why u are asking for advice…the thing is u dont want to hear the truth….it is a very good thing to be understanding and not create a hostile environment w/ the baby mama but this guy is def taking your kindness for a weakness….no one should ever have to understand why an individual has to “personally” visit the other parent to talk about the child, when the isn’t even at home…or even begin to understand why they have to share a room during a visit….u dont owe this man the kind of respect you are giving him, bc he clearly doesnt respect you…if the love from him was as strong or true as you say it is, he would at least try to do things differently as to not make you feel so uncomfortable…..I get not meeting the the child in the 1st few months until u know where the relationship is going but ur post stated u’ all have already made tht decision…I am a single mother of two daughters so I def get that part of waiting but wht I dont get is how as a parent, can one decide to make a long term committment to a relationship w/o first knowing how the child(ren) get along with the other person…seeing how my children react around and to a potential mate is wht helps me determines if he stays or goes….this guy is not being honest w/ u…he has found out tht he can make u feel bad about having an opinion abt the oh so “friendly frelationship” with the baby mother…even if he didnt immediately introduce you to his child as a girlfriend…wht is wrong with meeting the child as “dad friend”?….. the same way he would take him to meet a male friend….u all could meet at the park, or mall..or Mickey D’s…somewhere casual…..I know this is a very hard pill to swallow and I wont dare tell u to leave this guy, bc when u truly love someone, tht is an almost impossible decision to thing to do, even after finding out he is unfaithful…my sincere suggestion to u is to ask God(if you are praying woman) for strength ans wisdom to make the best decision for your life… but follow your mind on this one not your heart…Best wishes!

Toe in the water

July 30th, 2010
10:38 pm

Like Slim Diva I am late too, but wanted to weigh-in. I just became reacquainted with a lady I dated 5+ years ago. At that time neither one of us were ready for the other. In the interviening years we kept in touch and I always wanted to date her, but the timing was never right.

Lo and behold she calls me Memorial Day Weekend because she was in-town. We went out and had an off the charts good time. On our first date in 5 years I mentioned to her that I was so sure about what I wanted from her that I could wait until we got married to have sex. Well, last night she asked if I was serious. We are contemplating whether we want and can have a sexless relationship and whether it is realistic for us to wait until we get married, which is at least 18 months from now, if not later. We are supposed to talk about it tomorrow. I have been unsure of what to do or say, but I do acknowledge I meant it when I said I can wait. I value her so much! I am 40+ and know it is the right thing to do. The question is can I do it.

I am inspired by this dicusssion and believe it is a message to me that my abstaining is the right way for us to go.

Bethany

July 30th, 2010
10:47 pm

Something told me to come back and check one more time, and I’m glad I did. Thanks Deeva. What you said makes a lot of sense. He and I have a lot to talk about…

juliejvargas

July 31st, 2010
12:42 am

ya you are absurdly right, Everybody knows the hot feeling and the cool sprint of a new adult personals relationship. The anticipation of that call, those knocks on the door, or just the brief brushing of hands walking down the street.but if you want to learn more click here…http://bit.ly/9EVCgK

Kimmy

August 2nd, 2010
2:59 pm

I was dating a guy. We were having issues. He stopped wanting it and I after about 2 weeks I asked what was up. He said he wanted to give up sex for 30 days to see if it was more than just physical with me. I little heads up would be nice. After the 30 days I amde him wait another 2 weeks. We stayed together another 1 after that. He would give up things in 30 increments..he gave up drinking, red meat, smoking, etc so I was not completely shocked, but I need to teach him a lesson about his lack of communication