Celibacy bait and switch
There is no easy way to frame this discussion so I’m just going to put it to you guys straight. I think we have a good cross section of readers that can provide good answers to this question:
Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?
Whether it was first date hooking up or a one night stand attempt, what happens when someone decides to hop on the celibacy plan?
How would you handle a shift to a “no sex in the champagne room” kind of relationship if you really liked the person? Would it matter at all if you knew why they wanted to become celibate?
What if it was the other way around? What if you met someone who was celibate and they decided to hop off the celibacy plan?
For my own curiosity, I would like to ask those who are on dry land, how do you even broach the subject of your celibacy? When is the best time to tell someone you are dating that you don’t hook up?
Happy Friday!
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344 comments Add your comment
Dirty Diana
July 30th, 2010
2:34 pm
The HELP always receive orders, but are not apart of the processing and implementation. The courts will send out an order, because the employer address, etc. in on the actual order. The BM or BD may have an expired order, there maybe back CS etc. associated with the order.
Hell 1/2 of these folks haven’t seen the other parent in three or four years, that old order is not worth the paper it was printed on.
Dirty Diana
July 30th, 2010
2:37 pm
All of the states have a new hire verification process that you must complete. This process generates orders, in fact the state of IN went as far as being a one-stop-shop…you can send other states to IN and they will process the new hire verification to the proper state. All of this is done to ensure CS compliance, IRS liens, etc.
Believe me I make 6-figures for consulting and doing this I know what is the correct way to handle this…doing your Greenbiar move is not proper.
kimmie
July 30th, 2010
2:38 pm
I’m not sure what other dudes do, but I would never use my kids an excuse for anything. That’s cowardly behavior
Dreams – You’d be surprised what dudes do. This is stuff I’m sure they don’t talk about with the fellas. And really, what I’m talking about are dudes that go on and on about the kid and the fact that they are excluding the woman from the little “inner circle”. Although I’m sure that they love the child, it is done not as a great concern for the child. It’s like they are freezing you out. The woman can hang around for it if she wants.
It’s like this: I have no problem if in the beginning you make your feelings on bringing your child around dates known. I can totally respect that. But constantly tripping about how you don’t let any woman meet your kid, and you’re constantly throwing it up even though I haven’t said anything about meeting them – now you are tripping. And yes, I had a dude to do me like that. I never pressured or even mentioned meeting his daughter, it was the 1st time I had dated a guy with a child and she was about 6 or 7. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just sorta followed his lead on what he thought best for his child. But after a point it got ridiculous! He had partial custody and the girl lived in FLA with her mom & stepdad. He would drive down ever so often to visit her or send for her for a month or 2 over the summer. He would have cookouts and such at his place and make it a point to exclude me because his child was there, and throw it in my face. I got tired of the mistreatment and I know it wasn’t because of this “great concern” for his kid. By the time I did meet her, we didn’t even date anymore and I didn’t care whether I met her or not.
Dirty Diana
July 30th, 2010
2:38 pm
Melo,
I cannot believe you wrote that 2:27 after the announcement. LOL! You are a mess
Whatindworld!!
July 30th, 2010
2:39 pm
Okay….now Lorenzen Wright’s ex-wife is saying she received a threatening visit 6 weeks ago from guys in black coats and guns. Something don’t smell right!!!! She set that man up and whoever it was came and got him. She probably called and told them he was there….if she had anything to do with it, how can she sleep at night knowing she had something to do with killing her kid’s father. SMH
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:42 pm
See…not even supposedly six figure hood chicks know everything.
And I can promise you that *Greenbriar* trick will get a response.
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:43 pm
whatindaworld – I just told TheDude yesterday that the ex-wife did it or knows who did.
Melo
July 30th, 2010
2:44 pm
@dDirty??
actually i saw WD’s post after i had posted mine..i think we just crossed each other in the nets…i wasnt goarding her….
but is the 2.27 all that raunchy??
I thoght today is friday anyway…..
maybe abc and WD can co-host the blog…take it all missionary….
I wish i were SINGLE, i wld want to date WD…
Wisdom
July 30th, 2010
2:45 pm
Diana—-I thought you was going to squash your beef with SexyCool—-Why always starting shyt?? You asked her not to respond to your comments and stay in her line, but you just got to the petty person—Grow UP!!!! She is responding based on what she knows and you on yours. No need to for that low down mess you trying to pull!!
Are you a professor or a consultant? I am confused????
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
July 30th, 2010
2:45 pm
Umm Hmmm.. OK Denn!!
kimmie
July 30th, 2010
2:47 pm
Dreams – I’ve had guys use the “situation”, a child, as a scapegoat. One had a child that lived out of state with her mother and stepdad. She would spend some weekends and summers with her dad. He would make it a point to let me know that I wasn’t invited to cookouts and other gatherings when she was in town, with the excuse that he wasn’t ready for her to meet me. Just throwing it in my face, even though I never even asked about meeting her. He was the 1st guy I had dated with kids so I really didn’t know how that worked or how to broach the subject.
It was wild, because when I kinda weened away from him & started seeing other guys, he was breaking his neck to have me over, & meet her. By the time we met, I really didn’t care one way or the other.
I’ve had others to try those games with their kids, but I shut them down quick. That’s your kid, not mine.
DreamsMaterialize
July 30th, 2010
2:49 pm
Wise the blog bar is open, but we’re only serving tequila today. If you scrrrrrrd just say so.
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:50 pm
And as much as I would love to stay around for the mud-slinging, extra-over the top, you have too much time on your hands to attempt to insult me as rudely as you can, unnecessary, keyboard courage attack that is coming….it’s time for me to leave for my massage appoint.
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:51 pm
ment.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
July 30th, 2010
2:52 pm
Kimmie – See I dont do all that.. I just kinda leave it at nobody gets laid on Mondays, Wednesdays and every other weekend. I dont go all into detail about whats going on.. I just let somebody know Im available on Tuesdays and Thursdays.. As if Im working or whatever.. Im unavailable on those days. If she wants to kick it then thats whats up if not then I dont work for her..
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
2:53 pm
“Wise the blog bar is open, but we’re only serving tequila today. If you scrrrrrrd just say so”
Also, WD, it is Friday, so if you want a drank, you’re gonna have to flash us them boobies first….
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
2:54 pm
@Melo ~ you are a riot. You’re actually asking if your 2:27 was too raunchy….that’s why you post the way you do, you don’t know. Here boo, THAT WAS RAUNCHY!
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
2:58 pm
Don’t hate on Melo, just ‘cos he has a way with descriptive words….
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:59 pm
One *last* thought for the day….
“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. ”
Audre Lorde
kimmie
July 30th, 2010
3:02 pm
DK – A lot of it is the ATTITUDE with which it’s all presented. It’s a way to do anything without being ugly about it. I don’t know about the women you’ve dealt with, but I know me. I’m laid back and cool – I don’t force anything. So when a dude comes at me with the “I don’t work for you” attitude or thinks the world is supposed to stop spinning because “their” kid woke up, even when I didn’t even inquire about the kid, well he can go kick rocks, with his kid.
Sorry, just been rubbed the wrong way on the “kid” topic in the PAST with dudes. I’ve never had an issue with baby mamas – it’s the daddy that’s tripped in my experience!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
July 30th, 2010
3:09 pm
Kimmie – I know youre cool and laid back and so am I.. I dont throw my kid up in anyones face.. You know me.. I dont put any extra on it.. I’ll talk about the dude in reference to what I did that day but he’s never the focus of our conversation.. If he’s around Im usually not on the phone cause we are pal’n around and if I am he understands Daddy is on the phone. I dont know what kinda cats youve dealt with but I know how to handle my grown man BI and in the process no one feels slighted.. I guess cause I was juggling way before he got here Im kind of use to it.. Ha Ha!!
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
3:10 pm
@SexyC ~ “See…not even supposedly six figure hood chicks know everything.” Please stop…I am on the floor hollering. That shyt was FUNNNNNNNEEEEEE!
Seriously, you guys have some very creative zingers!!!
kimmie
July 30th, 2010
3:13 pm
DK – Cool. Yeah, I’ve dealt with some “special” jokers in the PAST! LOL!
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
3:15 pm
@im swiss ~ not really hating on Melo. He’s very descriptive its funny. You, him and Zane should write a book together.
Melo
July 30th, 2010
3:21 pm
Im betting real high stakes dollars that when they sleep tgether tmrw,Chelsea hubby will find out she is a virgin.
shes too boogie and unstreet to have sex?? kinda too good to have sex actually….
whats ur take u bloggettes??
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:22 pm
And I can promise you that *Greenbriar* trick will get a response.
@Wisdom you are one stupid bytch most folks can do more than one thing
Obama, President 
lawyer 
Senator
LOL
I didn’t know monkeys go massages, this world is changing
@Melo you already know that 2:27 was good and nasty
Melo
July 30th, 2010
3:22 pm
so whats happening in the city today..weather is cool..we can do some eaky…
anything special happening?
Wisdom II
July 30th, 2010
3:24 pm
Yep! You Dirty all right! Trick tried to fb me – I dont want to be your friend.
Trevor0529
July 30th, 2010
3:25 pm
You, him and Zane should write a book together.
Leggs, Melo and swiss would probably too graphic for Zane and make her blush. Those two need to go to Penthouse Forum.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:28 pm
I forgot to add author.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:30 pm
Melo,
They have been engaged a long time, I think he hit it before. After all Bill is Chelsa dad.
LOL
new moniker for the monkey in contacts. Girl stop!!!
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
3:33 pm
@Trevor0529 ~ I forgot all about the Forum magazine. You’re right. They are better suited there than with Zane.
Melo
July 30th, 2010
3:35 pm
@DirtyD??
now if u knew ur dad was nasty and did that kinda deed to the Lewisnky whoae,wld u have trust issues with men..u think Chelsea got that at the back of her mind or to her,dad Bill do no wrong?
czBrat
July 30th, 2010
3:35 pm
think he hit it before. After all Bill is Chelsa dad.
busy fridays are not the best way to kick off a weekend
seriously thinking about taking me, myself & i to the drive-in to see Salt tonight.
Melo
July 30th, 2010
3:36 pm
@Leggs..u hitting Harristons today?? what ur plans like?
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
3:37 pm
“Melo and swiss would probably too graphic for Zane”
Yeah, I think you’re right, Trevor. If the books are anything like Zane’s Sex Chronicles on Skinamax… They don’t even give you a good, clear look at the hot & wet mangrove swamp, being impaled by some throbbing, vein-y manhood…
Is that graphic enough?
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:37 pm
For the record if I don’t mess with you on the blog, you know I don’t want your monkey tail as a friend on facebook. You should have enough “wisdom” to know that dummy.
czBrat
July 30th, 2010
3:37 pm
idk, professor, i think hillary runs a tight ship. she probably ruled over chelsea’s every thought about sex before marriage.
It's me....lurker
July 30th, 2010
3:38 pm
Sexy – As one who has received an order via fax and forwarded to Payroll, I can promise you that it is done.
I ain’t tryna take sides but way back when, yonder years ago when I was mad, I have on more than one occasion faxed the order directly to the employer of my daughther’s father. I got paid too. Might not be the proper thing to do but it worked. Especially when CSE would sit on their hands. I was my own caseworker. LOL
Wisdom II – Yep! You Dirty all right! Trick tried to fb me – I dont want to be your friend
Do tell…let’s do away with all this anonymity…LOL
Wisdom
July 30th, 2010
3:39 pm
See and you still look not so smart…Professor!! Somebody with your “claimed” intelligence and multi-faceted life should not always resort to such “ghetto and tacky” ways. Fall back, you just got called out for being petty and attacking someone when they have not done anything or said anything to you!!
With your 6 figures and well-rounded life of “I haven’t done this” and “I have never done that”, you would think that one has more going in her life than to seek out someone’s comments and try to attack them based on information that they shared on the blog previously. If you don’t like her comments, just skip over them.
And calling someone a “monkey” is something you should definately NOT DO!!
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:40 pm
u think Chelsea got that at the back of her mind or to her,dad Bill do no wrong
Melo, I think the groom should have it in the back of his head that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Shoot, Chelsea is the female Bill we all know what that means. You a smart man, we had a topic this week, not that kind of girl, and none of our bloghoettes would post. Chelsea is that kind of girl.
Wisdom II
July 30th, 2010
3:42 pm
ROFL!
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
3:46 pm
@Melo ~ I haven’t been to Hairston’s since my b-day party. No, not going there. Funds low, cheaper to drink at home, turn the surround sound on, tape the disco ball to the ceiling and PARTAY!
@im swiss ~ thanks for proving Trevor0529’s point.
I doubt Wisdom/Wisdome II is not SexyC.
kimmie
July 30th, 2010
3:48 pm
Melo – They’ve been dating for years, come on man! Yeah, she loves her mama & daddy, but she’s not that “green”. In fact, I remember a picture of her walking between Hillary & Bill when the Monica thing was going on. Seemed like she was the WISE one out of the 3! You just have never heard of Chelsea getting drunk or gone wild, so you think she’s untouched!LOL!!
And some of the most “bougie” are the wildest, don’t get it twisted!
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
3:48 pm
I meant I doubt Wisdom/Wisdom II IS SexyC!!!!
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
3:49 pm
Disregard last sentence at 3:46!
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:50 pm
@It’s me lurker and the rest of those needing me to help with your reading skills. Noticed in my post I said the compliance (I even used bold for those not that sharp). We all know compliance is not a big issue for every company. A company in compliance is not process a fax from a BM. There are policies in place especially with public companies i.e Soxs etc.
However I know a lot of people cannot read, comprehend or know what compliance means. I don’t have any outside children phining for a CS check so I don’t care, I just make sure the organizations I am apart of are in compliance
key word 
word of the day.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:51 pm
@It’s me lurker and the rest of those needing me to help with your reading skills. Noticed in my post I said the compliance. We all know compliance is not a big issue for every company. A company in compliance is not process a fax from a BM. There are policies in place especially with public companies i.e Soxs etc.
However I know a lot of people cannot read, comprehend or know what compliance means. I don’t have any outside children phining for a CS check so I don’t care, I just make sure the organizations I am apart of are in compliance
key word 
word of the day.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
3:53 pm
czBrat- I think Hillary runs a tight ship, but Chelsea was probably taught how to be discreet as well. I just don’t see her being a v, but I could be wrong…some of Bill blood is in her vains
Melo
July 30th, 2010
3:55 pm
@Kimmie..yeah shes so classy and coy she wld fool me…..altho i think shes more feminine that Hillary…
i wld find it hard to ask Hillary for sex even if she were the only female in the world left…..she and Whoopi…
In fact,if Whoopi were to ask me to sleep with her, i will proly bend over and offer her my to phuck me in the azz first..unless she quickly tells me she wants to ride…shes so so ..he hehehe( bass voice) so thuggish like a man!
@Leggs?? any idea where those thirsty heiifers in ur office are going?? (2)
@DirtyD?? got u!
Its so quiet in here..WD has everything to do with it..so many pple are afraid of her.. i wld luv to meet that chic for real…