Celibacy bait and switch
There is no easy way to frame this discussion so I’m just going to put it to you guys straight. I think we have a good cross section of readers that can provide good answers to this question:
Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?
Whether it was first date hooking up or a one night stand attempt, what happens when someone decides to hop on the celibacy plan?
How would you handle a shift to a “no sex in the champagne room” kind of relationship if you really liked the person? Would it matter at all if you knew why they wanted to become celibate?
What if it was the other way around? What if you met someone who was celibate and they decided to hop off the celibacy plan?
For my own curiosity, I would like to ask those who are on dry land, how do you even broach the subject of your celibacy? When is the best time to tell someone you are dating that you don’t hook up?
Happy Friday!
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344 comments Add your comment
HELP...before I catch a case!
July 30th, 2010
1:10 pm
DD,
No, that sorry SOB did not call me nor do I have any siblings…or family here! I know people like to say that women are the emotional ones, but I honestly believe men have a harder time expressing themselves or dealing with anger/resentment. But how could he do such a thing w/o any remorse
kimmie
July 30th, 2010
1:18 pm
A lot of times dudes use the “meet the kid” thing as a scapegoat. They know good and well they have no intentions of any kind of future with a woman and they don’t have the guts to be straight with her. They use it like dangling a carrot in front of a bunny.
I can see if it’s too early in the relationship or the child is very young. I truly love children, so if a woman couldn’t understand those circumstances, I don’t blame a guy.
Other than that, unless your name is Charles and your kids are William & Harry, don’t nobody think your kid is a prince but you.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
1:18 pm
HELP, he is crazy, and he pulled that mess because you are here by yourself. Certain stuff men just don’t do and that is one of them. Who puts someone out of the car, because he can’t get no poo-tain.
See if you had brothers, cousins with warrants etc. he would have thought twice.
blue-7/30
July 30th, 2010
1:20 pm
@HELP – i have a crossbow, you can borrow it
It's me....lurker
July 30th, 2010
1:21 pm
Who puts someone out of the car, because he can’t get no poo-tain.
Let me go back and read…people do that kind of stuff?
czBrat
July 30th, 2010
1:22 pm
dang! i missed some good stuff here thanx to that stupid last minute contract
Bethany, it’s time to meet the ex and child. if you get a negative reception, she’s probably still involved with him. if he refuses to introduce you to them, then he has no good intentions toward you.
either way, honestly, you are well advised to swim over to the edge and slip outta the pool for a bit. you’re in too deep and he’s not there with you. i’m not saying leave him, but give yourself time to think.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
1:25 pm
A lot of times dudes use the “meet the kid” thing as a scapegoat. They know good and well they have no intentions of any kind of future with a woman and they don’t have the guts to be straight with her. They use it like dangling a carrot in front of a bunny.
@Kimmie I agree. In fact, I hold my loving in the same category they hold their chilluns, so not play until I see some effort! When you say that the games stop, but I don’t date men with children issues. I have no time for BM drama.
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
1:25 pm
“Do you know of any other hairdo’s for ↓ there ?”
Dirty D — Hmmm… Well, you could go retro & grow an Angela Davis…
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
1:28 pm
Speaking of which… Am I the only guy out there who still likes a little grass on the playground? I’m tired of this bald trend…
Dirty Diana ♠
July 30th, 2010
1:33 pm
Swiss, I thought you guys hated the retro look…personally it is too hot for that
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
1:38 pm
Dirty D — I don’t mind a little bush every now & then… It’s a nice change of pace — sorta like a throwback jersey.
Although, I should add the caveat: I only like bush on black chics. My people, Asians, etc., it tends to get to long & stringy & falls out too easily… Never a good thing for down there — might choke a homey… 
But yeah, Mrs. Swiss doesn’t like it, either… she maintains a well-groomed landing strip year round…
Trevor0529
July 30th, 2010
1:38 pm
Good Afternoon eryone,
@Swiss, I prefer the bald trend. Not a good look to get grass between your teeth when kissing the puddy.
blue-7/30
July 30th, 2010
1:39 pm
@swiss – lmao, seems youve put some thought into this, lol
whats the barely there look called?
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
1:46 pm
It’s still funny to me, but I remember when talking about “oral” was a no no! It’s so expected that open communication doesn’t raise eyebrows anymore.
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
1:48 pm
Trevor — Yeah, I agree, but seems like black hair doesn’t fall out as easily, somehow…? Or maybe it’s just luck of the draw? I dunno…
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
1:49 pm
blue — Barely there… As in trimmed short, but natural coverage? Sort of a man-made peach fuzz?
Trevor0529
July 30th, 2010
1:50 pm
whats the barely there look called?
worthy of a good tongue lashing!
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
1:50 pm
“It’s so expected that open communication doesn’t raise eyebrows anymore.”
True, true, Leggs. Now, what kind of ‘do are you sporting over there?
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
1:51 pm
… I’d call that The Buzz Lightyear
DreamsMaterialize
July 30th, 2010
1:52 pm
alright, yall have advice on everything else and not on child support drama? lmao
blue sorry I meant to reply to your post about this. I’ll tell you like I told my own moms when she kept pursuing my pops. Just let it go! I know it’s hard to do that because there’s no way in he!! he should be able to get away with not supporting his seed. However, you introduce a certain amount of stress and negativity in your life (and that of the kid) by continuing to pursue someone who obviously doesn’t want to be caught. You can eliminate this by embracing the happiness that comes from having great kids and a wonderful husband who loves all of you. Don’t worry, the dad will get what’s coming to him. My mom stopped pursuing my dad about 15 years ago, and then a couple months ago gets a call from the state saying that they caught up with him, and she’s been getting a check like clockwork every month. That’s Karma for you!
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
1:55 pm
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
1:56 pm
Not forrest gump…forest
blue-7/30
July 30th, 2010
1:56 pm
@swiss – As in trimmed short, but natural coverage – yep, thats the one
@Dreams – thanks for the insight. stress and negativity most definitely. i see what your saying about it coming back around. my mom keeps saying report it, but dont see that turning out well. he and his family are not above telling the boy “do you know what your mother did?” and dont want to end up with him blaming me. may have to follow your advice
Melo
July 30th, 2010
1:58 pm
@swiss/Trevor//guys??
Is oral such a natural to u guys or u just do it coz ur females luv it??
I plead that as much as I now understand what oral does to the woman..ive never been that comfy with it…no wonder i wldnt do it to any other woman,were i not married and cant fathom doing it where another dycck has traversed with no condom.
If i were pressed with that situation to lick another chic, i wld coil,…(see this contortion on my face) the same way a gay dude’s dyck coils when a wet,phat and ready female puddsy is on deck!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
July 30th, 2010
1:59 pm
See Im the kinda guy that wouldnt lie to you about why I dont think you should meet my son.. I just tell women and if they cant understand it.. Thats on them.. And it dont mean I dont really like her.. Im doing what I think is best for my son. The best way I can put it is.. When it comes to him it aint even about her and when its time for them to meet they will meet. Honestly you need to worry about me anyway..
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
2:02 pm
I’m kidding on the forest…it stays trimmed.
I am whatever you say I am
July 30th, 2010
2:02 pm
BP considering changing their name.
czBrat
July 30th, 2010
2:03 pm
blue, if your support is court-ordered and he is not making the payments, just turn it over to child support enforcement. it may take them forever to do anything about it, but at least you’ll be free from the stress of trying to collect. just let your kid know that, like any legal obligation, dad has been ordered to comply. surely a teen understands that (s)he has expenses and the other parent has a responsibility to help meet those expenses. if dad brings the kid into it by telling him/her about “what your mother did”, your teen will quickly learn which parent is handling business like an adult and which is being childish. good luck!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
July 30th, 2010
2:05 pm
Swiss – I dont mind a Har down thar either..
blue-7/30
July 30th, 2010
2:09 pm
@I am – i saw that too! do they think we wont know its them?
@cz – yep, court ordered and supposed to be a payroll deduction. what im finding out now is hes started a new job and not reported the order to his employer. enforcement may be the only option, guess ive just been afraid of the legal aspect on his end, i mean if hes locked up then he really cant pay it, and they all scream to the boy that i did it. but your right, i should have more faith that at 12 he will be able to understand the situation a little better than just what their yelling about.
ive tried hard not to badmouth or judge to my son so that when hes old enough he can decide for himself without saying i poisoned him. this may just be one of those deciding factors down the line. Thanx!
Dirty Diana
July 30th, 2010
2:11 pm
Swiss I do like the look when a little hair grows back, and it is short and even all over.
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:12 pm
If you know who the employer is, call and get the HR fax number and fax a copy of the order over yourself. The employer cannot legally ignore the order once they have been notified.
Wise Diva
July 30th, 2010
2:13 pm
Hey guys! I’m ready for the weekend, how about you? Is there a bartender on duty yet? LOL
Melo
July 30th, 2010
2:18 pm
@Dirty/blog females??
anybody here chics with a vagee/labia ring..maybe a belly button ring to round it up??
Now..I wld lub to lick dat!!
see my 1.58..Now that puddsy wld be Melo_Lick_Exempt..comes with high recomendations,whistles and bells!
DreamsMaterialize
July 30th, 2010
2:18 pm
Am I the only guy out there who still likes a little grass on the playground? I’m tired of this bald trend…
Bald is cool, but a little variety is good. I’m not partial to the thicket (as melo would say) though. As long as it’s low cut and neatly trimmed, I’m good.
kimmie I’m not sure what other dudes do, but I would never use my kids an excuse for anything. That’s cowardly behavior. My kids and my girl are mutually exclusive in the beginning…one has nothing to do with the other. If she has a problem with this, then I’m not one to lie to convince her to stay. She deserves what she’s looking for, and if I’m not it then I encourage her to seek it elsewhere. I hope she’d do me the same favor.
Bethany
July 30th, 2010
2:18 pm
Thanks for all the replies and input. For those asking, yes, I am serious! This is my life, and I’m just trying to sail as smoothly as possible.
Leggs
July 30th, 2010
2:20 pm
@WD ~ I’m ready too…Going to Birmingham to see Nephew Tommy and Jaheim.
Wise Diva
July 30th, 2010
2:20 pm
We are getting more and more comments that cross the line. You guys! We have to imagine your kid/niece or nephew or mother is reading what you write. Please keep it clean and respectful or you will get removed from the blog island. We don’t want that now do we?? PG rated please & thank you!
blue-7/30
July 30th, 2010
2:21 pm
@Sexy – good suggestion, but unfortunately dont know where he works. i suppose if thats meant to come out, it will.
Thanks for the input guys!
blue-7/30
July 30th, 2010
2:22 pm
@WD – bartenders sound good. and now that i dont have to work tomorrow, can enjoy my bday drinks!!!
have a good weekend all, may check on u later! (off to find someplace with good Peach Margaritas)
Dirty Diana
July 30th, 2010
2:23 pm
Most employers that are in compliance will only take an order from the court system or child support enforcement directly. It is the stupidest thing to take an order from the actual BM or BD, they could have created that mess at home in retaliation! The courts/CS always send over the orders!
DreamsMaterialize
July 30th, 2010
2:25 pm
I am – i saw that too! do they think we wont know its them?
blue that’s a smart move on their part. It’s a long term strategy. We know who it is, but 20 years from now, will the next generation know? Think about it, does this generation remember Amoco? nope.
i'm swiss™
July 30th, 2010
2:26 pm
“Swiss I do like the look when a little hair grows back, and it is short and even all over.”
I like that look, too…
Melo — Comes totally naturally for me… Matter of fact, it gets me going about as much as it does the Mrs….
Now, what’s the over/under on how many posts it takes until I get banished for excessive freaky-deak?
markie mark
July 30th, 2010
2:27 pm
Wise Diva…..I am also known as Captain Cocktail…..and Captain Cocktail is calling your name!! ….you want ice with that?……..
Melo
July 30th, 2010
2:27 pm
@Swiss??
i like a lil grass too…..not a thicket that will literally tear ur wang tip,if it hasnt been visited in a bit..but a lil trim cut.
too plain bare is not my style either..i want my woman to look grown.
I wonder how them celibate(or pining) females with thickets feel when they get hot,real wet and start oozing out but there is no dycck follow thru…..
It must be hard wiping all that mooshy mess with all those long black brushy strands of pub….and the funk!! 
..and then wiping all that stuff coz u got high from BOB………??? pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassse! 
get a lyfe!
Dirty Diana
July 30th, 2010
2:28 pm
@Blue, please do not follow that wack advise. If your employer receives the notice and do not honor it the employer has to pay the child support.
Melo
July 30th, 2010
2:29 pm
We have to imagine your kid/niece or nephew or mother is reading what you write
@WD…??
dating advice BLOG for kids or adults??
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:29 pm
As one who has received an order via fax and forwarded to Payroll, I can promise you that it is done.
Our payroll department verifies EVERYthing that is sent to them regardless of the source. Our company would be stupid to be legally liable for not acknowledging an order and failing to act.
Dirty Diana
July 30th, 2010
2:31 pm
Melo, that is too funny that 2:27! You know some of these women are getting their d on with other folks men
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 30th, 2010
2:33 pm
In fact, I have had fathers bring in copies of the order themselves to have sent to Payroll because they didn’t want to chance that the @ssholes in the support division dragged ass to turn in the paperwork and they end up having double deductions to become current.
I guess they were stupid to bring in their own orders as well. (shrugs)