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Not that kind of girl

I was listening to Q100’s the Bert Show yesterday and the topic of one-night stands came up. It was pretty interesting to hear the different perspectives but I was most interested in when they mentioned how women work hard to maintain the appearance of innocence.

I can remember when I first moved to Atlanta (when I was still innocent!) and being totally surprised at how women openly talked about their sex lives. I considered it something of an enigma! Were these women talking this way to the men they date too? Well, not exactly.

No matter how “open” some women are, it is still important to a lot of single women that they have a wholesome, almost prudish image to the guys they date. Then there are others that are open and don’t care letting guys know what they like. Sidenote: A lot of my guy friends blame it on Sex and the City.

I’ll put it to you guys: Ladies, do you work at maintaining an “appearance of innocence” with the men that you date? Guys: Have you found that women still care a lot about what you think about their sexual past?

Do thinks like magic numbers, one-stands, etc. still paint a portrait of what “kind of girl” she is?

Are we ever going to get past the double standards or are they here to stay?

On the Bert Show they were debating whether a woman actually forgot or could not recall a one-night stand. They posed the question: Do women really not remember their one-night-stands or is it just a cover to preserve their “innocence”?

How much do we worry or care about what our partners think about this kind of thing?

322 comments Add your comment

Melo

July 27th, 2010
10:42 am

First!

Do women really not remember their one-night-stands or is it just a cover to preserve their “innocence”?

I will take abc’s strongly regarded and reputable advice on this one and say,just take the woman’s number and multiply by two.

Women Lie Really Well!

good morning folks

Glad WD made it safely outta traffic! :-)

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
10:44 am

Good morning!

Yes, double standards are here to stay. As long as there are men like some on the blog, who basically say if a woman has a bad rep she may need to leave town to start over and get a husband. We have not “evolved” that much, I do believe.

And no, it’s not a good look for a woman or man to sleep around, at least not to me. And walking around, bragging about how many notches you have on your belt, male or female, or what stranger you messed with last night – I don’t want to hear about it. It’s really not cute, but that’s me.

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
10:45 am

Can’t believe I’m first!

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
10:45 am

Men and women both lie, men lie up women lie down. For every three women a man has said he’s been with, it’s actually one. For everyone one that a woman’s been with, it is actually three. :) Happy belated birthday to me, LOL

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
10:48 am

kimmie, women say the same thing about men, don’t they? (you know I have to always counter your women’s movement blog entries) LOL

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
10:52 am

Purple – Happy belated birthday!

Yes, women say the same about men, at least this one does. I don’t like male garden tools either!

This is actually an equal opportunity game!

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
10:56 am

Hola Everyone,

agreeing with kimmie that double standards seem pretty common. i mean look at the whole older/younger relationships. older men have arm candy and high fives from friends, older women their cougars, robbing the cradle, or desperate.

not so much interested in whats thought of my past, for two reasons. 1) i have come in significantly lower than most men i know 2) whats past is past. will admit that doesnt keep my from asking about your past, but am also willing to answer questions about mine. and will say that if you have a colored past, i will crack jokes lol

not so sure about PRs statement tho. have always figured men lie, but havent met too many women who do. either they tell you straight up or they just tell you none of your business and dont say at all, but dont usually bother trying to maintain the lie.

M. (pronouced M dot)

July 27th, 2010
10:56 am

First, as a great song by Don Henley once said….this is the end of the innocence..there arent that many Mrs. Cleavers left. There are some females that took alot of tips from shows like SATC and are more open and laxed with their interactions with men. Thats why we have serial dating women alot now.

“Ladies, do you work at maintaining an “appearance of innocence” with the men that you date? ”

I think women should just be themselves but also dont try to pull the wool over a guys eyes because that will only last for so long before he puts the pieces together and actually he may even respect you LESS for trying to cover up things. Guys respect honesty but also ladies that doesnt mean telling your business either.

I think we will get past the double standards…its just about the level that you and your partner are on and how you to communicate. Regarding her past, it will always have a play into everything but it also depends on the maturity level. Everyone has had someone before them at sometime.

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
10:56 am

Lucinda

July 27th, 2010
10:56 am

*Ladies, do you work at maintaining an “appearance of innocence” with the men that you date?*

I wouldn’t offer any sort of information about how many people I’ve been with, nor do I pretend to be a virgin. I definitely don’t want to know how many women a man has been with, nor do I want to have an inexperienced lover.

It’s called discretion.

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
10:57 am

Happy Belated PR!!! When was the big day?

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
10:58 am

It’s called discretion.

Lucinda – Amen! And class.

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
10:58 am

blue, of course you would not think that women would lie, and men would. Because you are a woman and you deal with men so you have more interactions with them on the level where a man would lie, just like a man would have more experience because he has more interactions with women on that level, where she would lie about it.

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
10:59 am

blue, Saturday

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
11:03 am

@PR – granted dont know all women, and dont deal with them on the same level as men. just havent met any women who cared as much as the men did. they were usually confident that no matter how much of a hoe she had been, he had been a bigger one!
@Lucinda – youve used the perfect word
@M. – will only last for so long before he puts the pieces together and actually he may even respect you LESS for trying to cover up things – agreed. nothing like pretending to be all pure when your exs are coming out of the woodword talking about how “talented” you are to put a damper on a relationship.

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
11:04 am

Thats why we have serial dating women alot now.

M – And what’s wrong with serial dating women? So it’s okay for guys to date serially, but not women?

Yeah, that’s why we’ll never get past the double standards!

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
11:05 am

@PR – another Leo then! woohoo! lol

PrincessNik..0727

July 27th, 2010
11:05 am

Morning,

Do women really not remember their one-night-stands or is it just a cover to preserve their “innocence”?

I think women definately remember, its just a matter of disclosure. I’m the type of person you have to ask me a direct question to get a direct answer. ;)

Happy Belated birthday Carlito

i'm swiss™

July 27th, 2010
11:09 am

“…have always figured men lie, but havent met too many women who do.”

Queue abc in 3… 2… 1…

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
11:11 am

Thank You, :)

I really do not see it as a double standard because the same thing that men hold against women is the same thing women hold against men. Can someone prove otherwise?

Mdot (pronouced M dot)

July 27th, 2010
11:11 am

@kimmie

Nothing is wrong with serial dating women. Like I said in my post, as long as they arent trying to pull the wool over the guys eyes. If you get around me acting like Yolanda Adams, but then around Adina Howard around the next man come on now…just dont fake the funk. Be who you are Kimmie!

CoolShadow

July 27th, 2010
11:11 am

Purple Rain’s 10:45 post is generally true, men tend to inflate their number of conquests and women will deflate their number of encounters, and the truth is somewhere out there. If someone’s sexual past bothers you to a point where it foreshadows every aspect of the relationship, then maybe you shouldn’t be with that person.

Guys: Have you found that women still care a lot about what you think about their sexual past?

I think the majority care to the point to where they either omit some facts, flat out lie or they acknowledge past risqué behavior but claim they don’t roll like that anymore. And there’s a select few that will tell you how it is/was, straight no chaser.

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
11:12 am

@Princess – same here. disclosure being the key word. im the type of person, you can ask my anything, will u get the answer you want depends on whether yuove answered the right question. be specific, and you may find out what you wanna know

Happy Birthday Princess!!!

Melo

July 27th, 2010
11:13 am

God morning folks!

glad WD made it safely outa traffic :-)

Do women really not remember their one-night-stands or is it just a cover to preserve their “innocence”?

I will take the abc rule on lying as far as women and their one niters!

Get the female answer if given and X(multiply) by three!

PrincessNik..0727

July 27th, 2010
11:13 am

Thanks Blue!

i'm swiss™

July 27th, 2010
11:15 am

“…there arent that many Mrs. Cleavers left”

M — I hear Mrs. Cleaver was a FA-REAK! Hell, that’s where “The Beaver” got his name — from his mama… :lol:

M. (pronouced M dot)

July 27th, 2010
11:15 am

@PrincessNik..0727

“I think women definately remember, its just a matter of disclosure. I’m the type of person you have to ask me a direct question to get a direct answer.”

Yup thats exactly my point. You have to ask the right questions to get the right answers. Plus some women will always lie to themselves to justify them doing something…I was inhibited by alcohol, it was my birthday, etc lol.

They will always tell a half truth to make them seem innocent or in a positive light lol

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
11:16 am

Happy Birthday Princess :)

If there is a true double standard that would mean that women are more acceptable to h0es, than a man is. LOL A h0e is a h0e as a man does not want a female h0e a woman does not want a male h0e, no double standards

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
11:16 am

M – I just don’t see why, unless you are doing more serially than “dating”, that it should even be an issue. And what would you care how I act with the next man? All you should be concerned about is how I am with YOU and unless something in my past is going to affect the here and the now with YOU, it really doesn’t concern you. Maybe it’s something about YOU that would bring out the Yolanda Adams in me and we haven’t gotten close enough for me to show you a different side. If we’re not exclusive and BOTH seeing other people, that might be the reason. Not being “holier than thou”, just discreet – a lady.

PrincessNik..0727

July 27th, 2010
11:17 am

M.,

That is my approach to life in general, not just my sex life. I’m not one to volunteer information, but if you ask me I will give you an answer a true answer, however don’t be mad if you didn’t phrase it just right to get the answer you were digging for.

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
11:18 am

A h0e is “Good to you” versus “Good for You” LOL

Dirty Diana ♠

July 27th, 2010
11:20 am

Hola!

For the most part I will lurk on this one. I’ve never had a one night stand. I guess you can say I was never that dog-in-heat. I guess to each its own.

As for preserving innocents, I live my life in a way that I do not have to habor that kind of shame, and create illusions.

PrincessNik..0727

July 27th, 2010
11:20 am

Carlito,

you ought not to be thinking about h0es

:lol:

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
11:21 am

swiss – Yeah, Mrs Cleaver was just more discreet with her & Mr Cleaver’s business! LOL!!

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
11:21 am

Princess, LOL :)

i'm swiss™

July 27th, 2010
11:21 am

“If there is a true double standard that would mean that women are more acceptable to h0es, than a man is.”

PR — And there it is… There is a double-standard, but it’s not guys who perpetrate it. We draw our lines very distinctly: We’ll phluck a ho, but not marry a ho. Many women, on the other hand, will try to convert a man-ho. Then again, most of us either are or have been man-ho’s at one time or another, so I guess they don’t have much choice… :lol: :lol:

M. (pronouced M dot)

July 27th, 2010
11:22 am

@kimmie

Exactly if yall are dating and not exclusive it doesnt matter. He should just have his antennas up. Its like what @blue-7/30 said in his 11:03 post.

Obviously every guy and girl are always going to be on different levels with each other.

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
11:22 am

Have a Royal birthday, Princess!

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
11:24 am

@PR – i think you’re probably right about women being more accepting. imo, women are more “i can save him, he’ll be a reformd hoe”, men are more “shes a hoe, i could probably get her to ________, but i sure as he!! aint taking her to meet the fam”
@M. – wow, havent heard about Adina Howard in forever, she was, um, special, wasnt she lol

speaking of “i was inhibited by alcohol, it was my birthday, etc” arent guys the ones who come up with those exceptions like, “well i hit it once years ago, so it doesnt count now that ive hit it again, even tho ive got a girlfriend now”

Dirty Diana ♠

July 27th, 2010
11:24 am

Melo,

Do you find it that thirsty, dehydated, in a famine type woman plays the innocent game, or do they play the other role letting you know what time it is? The reason I asked is because I witnessed something this weekend. The lady played innocent (telling a dude to stop talking to me, and was going off because he whispered), however she freaked him real good when she danced with him. Just curious.

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
11:28 am

Everyone has a little h0e in them. LOL

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
11:29 am

@melo – heyy!!!
@M. – :arrow: girl here, lol
@PR – 11:18 good one, lol

SlimOne...wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk

July 27th, 2010
11:30 am

Good morning,

I think I almost started to panic at the thought of no blog today. I need a drank already

‘A h0e is “Good to you” versus “Good for You”’

PP – what a way to tie in yesterday’s post with today’s topic. 2pts!

If I get a hug by all the blog men, does that make me a hugging h0?

Purple Rain

July 27th, 2010
11:31 am

So women are actually the Captain Save a Hoe people? :)

For Real

July 27th, 2010
11:33 am

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
11:34 am

It’s a big game and women & men are all equal participants, until they grow up.

Stay out of folk’s business unless it’s going to affect you personally. If they have a disease, a child or a past so checkered that it’s going to bring shame to you should you ever decide to run for office – these are the only things that need sharing. Loose lips sink ships, that’s what the old folks used to say.

Lead your life in such a manner that you don’t have to be ashamed. If you’ve done some things in the past you are not proud of, have grown up and are leading a different lifestyle – you should be allowed to do that without your past constantly questioned or thrown up in your face.

Folks just need to grow up!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 27th, 2010
11:34 am

This topic is making me think about a classic…

She don’t drink no more, smoke no more, cuss no more,
gotta be out her mind she told me she don’t &%&%$ no more.
She said I just got saved the lord want me to change my ways.
So you know I gotta get rid of all my freaky ways.
No more 559, no more minasitua,
no more Raheem no more sex in expensive cars.
Wanna be balla shot caller wanna be rowdy rowdy.
I gots to call up P and tell him she ain’t bout it bout it.

Repeat Chorus 2X

She don’t freak no more, don’t freak no more.
She don’t freak no more, don’t freak no more.
She don’t freak no more, don’t freak no more.
She don’t freak no more, don’t freak no more.

blue-7/30

July 27th, 2010
11:35 am

@PR – unfortuantely, i think we are lol. theres different branches – Save-a-hoe down here, Save-a-sk@nk back for us Yankees…

PrincessNik..0727

July 27th, 2010
11:36 am

Loose lips sink ships, that’s what the old folks used to say.

you should be allowed to do that without your past constantly questioned or thrown up in your face

@ Kimmie, great points!

kimmie

July 27th, 2010
11:36 am

I ain’t saving nobody. Better be already saved.