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Good to you vs. Good for you

There comes a time in every person’s dating career when you have to stop dating inappropriate people.  I know we like to think there is something about those folks that bring you thrills and excitement, but trust me that grows old really fast. Besides, you can’t compare the excitement you feel when you are with the right person!

It’s not always easy determining who is good for you because a lot of us get caught up in how “good” they make us feel.  How do you know when you are dating someone who is good for you?  When do you figure out they are the marrying type vs. the dating type?  I’ve always heard that men know almost immediately which category they will put a woman in. What’s their secret?! (Seriously guys, spill it).

If you are trying to weed out the inappropriate people (crazies, hot and little else to offer, etc.), what do you observe and pay attention to the most?

If you are seeing someone now, are they good for you? How do you know?

413 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
3:41 pm

once you have been married and you have seen the enter working some people just don’t see the need of a certificate because they know the certificate does not hold the marriage together.

For Real – While I understand that, that’s not true for everyone or else folks wouldn’t marry again. Anyway, he says he does eventually want to get married, he can’t see him spending the rest of his life not being married. But he wants to make sure he does it for all the right reasons. Part of the problem the first time was family pressure that he feels happening again now.

Melo

July 26th, 2010
3:42 pm

some women play the “wife” role so well only to find themselves

@Leggs??

and those are the casualties of dating. We dont all “win”

U cannot be blamed for being a “good” girlfriend.

For Real

July 26th, 2010
3:43 pm

abc: Have you had a life changing event occur? I find myself agree with you for the past two weeks. Now this has to stop. By the way Color Me Bad is putting out a jazz album and it sounds great. It completely blows the jazz legend Kenny G stuff away.

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
3:44 pm

That’s my point, Melo. Call me “girlfriend” not “wifey.”

More casualties of dating come about when you don’t know your role!

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
3:44 pm

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
3:46 pm

For Real — I do believe that’s the first time I’ve ever heard the phrase “jazz legend” and Kenny G in the same sentence. That was sarcastic, right? :lol:

abc

July 26th, 2010
3:46 pm

I’ll keep an eye out for it, For Real. I’ve been listening to a lot of old Brecker lately — Spherical, Song for Barry, like that, and some old Trane. I swore off listening to the radio in the car a couple of months ago and listen to CDs only now, it seems — can’t say that’s exactly life-changing, though!

For Real

July 26th, 2010
3:47 pm

Kimmie: No I am not the only one dude that has made that pledge. There is an organization called NWAGM (Naw We Ain’t Getting Marriage)

Ared: Does he have kids?

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
3:47 pm

4Real – I keep forgetting to ask/tell you. My SO told me that Breaking Bad is not coming back on until July 2011!

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
3:48 pm

For Real – No kids. Don’t tend to date guys with em.

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
3:49 pm

4Real – Half the dudes I know make the pledge. Most break it, all I’m saying.

Why make the pledge if you’re not going to live up to it, is what I ask.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 26th, 2010
3:49 pm

@Ared I think melo was saying show that you can be a good wife even in your girlfriend role. Melo is saying don’t snoop in his dressers and check his cell phone, or eat a bag of funyuns before you go to bed :grin:

For Real

July 26th, 2010
3:50 pm

Swiss: Of course I’m trying rile abc.

abc: Got Dayumit!!! You actually are going to be on the look out for a Color Me Bad jazz album? WTF!!! Aliens done abducted abc. Okay, if you are really abc what the answer to this question: Do woman lie?

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
3:51 pm

Dirty D – He’s having that discussion with Leggs now, not me. I got what he was saying. :lol:

But good thing I didn’t do any of that stuff anyway! ;)

abc

July 26th, 2010
3:52 pm

Women lie as a natural way of life and I hates me some Kenny G. Do I pass?

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
3:52 pm

@For Real ~ that’s why I said “Ut Oh” with your post of jazz legends and KennyG!!!!

Melo

July 26th, 2010
3:52 pm

Ared I think melo was saying show that you can be a good wife even in your girlfriend role

@Dirty??

Exactly!

@Leggs- mail!

For Real

July 26th, 2010
3:54 pm

Kimmie: 2011 awwwww dayum that means I will have to find another show or spend Sundays with a chick.

“Half the dudes I know make the pledge. Most break it, all I’m saying.” – Cocain is a helluva drug

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
3:54 pm

Melo – How does a dude show he can be a good HUSBAND? Just curious.

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
3:55 pm

spend Sundays with a chick.

4Real – Won’t that be misleading? :lol:

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
3:55 pm

Half the dudes I know make the pledge. Most break it, all I’m saying.

kimmie – Ending his marriage must have been a real doozy. I’ve never seen anyone so adamant to not do it again.

Maybe he’ll get hit with the thunderbolt one day. ;)

Run4Life

July 26th, 2010
3:56 pm

I wanna know how guys like 4Real are still dating. If a guy told me that he is not interested in a one to one relationship, and I know that I am. Then I am gonna bounce.

Disclaimer: I fell for this once and he kept to his original statement. And after not sharing New Year’s Eve with him, I knew I was done. So that is how I know to keep it moving for guys like this.

But, this same guy and I are having dinner this Friday since he is coming back to town for a conference. It will be interesting to see if he has the same ideals. I know that I am definitely not interested anymore. I have since moved on from him.

abc

July 26th, 2010
3:56 pm

Now, Color Me Badd — Take 6 they ain’t. It’s been awhile since they were around though, what, 10 or 15 years? Who knows what they might come up with now. Doubt it’d be Jazz though. Maybe some so-called Smoove Jaaaazzz.

SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime

July 26th, 2010
3:56 pm

‘Sagittarians are the most independent sign in the zodiac. You ain’t met someone good with being alone until you meet a Sag.’

ARed – you are definitely right about that. He already told me he was a loner. lol

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
3:57 pm

For Real…leave abc alone. :lol:

It's me....lurker

July 26th, 2010
3:57 pm

For Real – Okay, if you are really abc what the answer to this question: Do woman lie?

ABC – Women lie as a natural way of life and I hates me some Kenny G. Do I pass?

Now that’s the funniest thing I’ve read today….back from vacay

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
3:57 pm

Ending his marriage must have been a real doozy. I’ve never seen anyone so adamant to not do it again.

Amred – Ya think? :lol:

For Real

July 26th, 2010
3:57 pm

“Women lie as a natural way of life and I hates me some Kenny G.” – The pretentious uptight prick is bad!!!!

Swiss is now riding around blogsville on his Green Machine ringing his bell while screaming at the top of his lungs… THE PRICK IS BACK…. THE PRICK IS BACK!!!

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
3:59 pm

Run4Life – Why are you having dinner with him if you are so thru?

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
3:59 pm

@SlimOne ~ remember, being alone doesn’t mean he’s lonely. The solitude, peace and quiet is quite intoxicating…

Melo

July 26th, 2010
3:59 pm

How does a dude show he can be a good HUSBAND?

@Kimmie??

thats easy!

doing most things that U..wld expect from a husband(short of paying for ur car note,mortgage and utility bills)

If hes showing enough concern for ur well being and going the extra mile in doing stuff for u even at the expense of his own pleasure/comfort,without u remonstrating with him to do it….

Thats husband material.

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
3:59 pm

I fell for this once and he kept to his original statement.

Run4 – This is why guys like For Real are still dating. There is always a woman out there willing to see if he’ll stick to his guns or not. I’ve fallen for it too. Ironically, none of those guys are actually married, but I still think it’s a matter of time! :lol:

blue-7/30

July 26th, 2010
4:00 pm

@kimmie@melo – would be interested in the answer to that question.

Color Me Badd? they still perform? wow did not knwo that…

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
4:01 pm

If hes showing enough concern for ur well being and going the extra mile in doing stuff for u even at the expense of his own pleasure/comfort,without u remonstrating with him to do it….

Yeah, now I’ve lost my trash taker outter, my bug killer, my handy man and 6 am airport chauffer.

This bites! :cry:

Run4Life

July 26th, 2010
4:03 pm

Kimmie – Because during the ’so-called, one-way relationship’ (lol), we were friends and enjoyed each others’ company. It is only a friendly dinner to catch up. He has been gone for a year. We email each other from time to time. Besides we are in the same business, and I am sure we will always run into each other. He asked, and I said yes. Believe me, it wasn’t my idea.

You know there was something that I respected about him. He told me upfront and throughout the relationship that he wasn’t interested in a commitment. So, I’ve always respected that he was honest upfront, but it was a complete waste of my time.

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
4:04 pm

Melo – Cool. I was just curious and you said what I thought. In the past, I’ve been told not to expect any of that because we weren’t married. Fortunately I don’t have that problem with this one.

I know what Leggs was talking about too. There is a fine line between being the “good girlfriend” and doing “too much”, being a psuedo wife.

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
4:04 pm

@ARed ~ which one of those lost ones you were dating a few months ago?

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
4:05 pm

@ARed ~ which one of those lost ones you were dating a few months ago?

Huh? It’s been the same guy for a year.

blue-7/30

July 26th, 2010
4:05 pm

@Run4Life – honesty goes a long way. id rather you tell me up front and let me decide if i still wana deal, than have me thinking all along we may be going somewhere when we surely arent.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 26th, 2010
4:06 pm

@ARED don’t be fooled (you are smart,so this really don’t apply) by all this talk about marriage is just paper or a certificate. Money is just paper, but we all chase it every week for the security it brings. Marriage brings security, I can make decisions and sign off on certain documents. I will not have it any other way…give me the marriage paper the same way you give me my check!

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
4:06 pm

Thanks kimmie. A lot act like I speak greek.

One week, downing the woman for acting like a wife, next week dowing the woman for not understanding the definition of a “girlfriend,” and trying to pimp her out when he thought they were merely B.U.D.D.Ys.

SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime

July 26th, 2010
4:07 pm

‘remember, being alone doesn’t mean he’s lonely’

Leggs – Yeah I know…he claimed that he is a loner which isn’t necessarily synonymous with loner. ;-)

A dude I used to date some years ago recently sent me a fb friend request…which blew me totally off guard…especially being that he met and impregnated his later-wife on a visit in town staying at my crib. They are separated, him up north and she moved back to ATL, awaiting a divorce. I suppose he got married to her since she got pregnant but i felt it all went too fast to begin with. :roll:

Run4Life

July 26th, 2010
4:07 pm

@blue – EXACTLY! Those are ones that I hold a grudge and they will never have dinner with me again.

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
4:08 pm

I will not have it any other way…give me the marriage paper the same way you give me my check!

DD – Ha ha. Right.

I’ve been guilty of not putting pressure tho. Just enjoying each other, and seeing where it leads. I’m going to start being one of those “you better put a ring on it!” whiny women now. :lol:

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
4:09 pm

@ARed ~ oh, ok. I thought you came back on here around spring talking about a new beau. I may have you mixed up with someone else.

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
4:09 pm

Honesty goes a long way, but it’s not enough for me. I have to break it off cold when a dude makes that declaration up front. I made the mistake of hanging around when a dude said he didn’t want anything serious. In the meantime, I allowed him to fool me, because his actions said otherwise. He acted like a full on boyfriend, even getting jealous of other dudes that talked to me. Here I am the whole time thinking he had changed his mind and was getting serious. After a year, he pulled out the disclaimer card.

Naw, I cut it off cold. I can’t halfa–.

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
4:10 pm

I may have you mixed up with someone else.

Yup, looks like.

For Real

July 26th, 2010
4:10 pm

Kimmie: “spend Sundays with a chick. 4Real – Won’t that be misleading?” – I got tricked on that once before. I had no idea the day of the week you spend time or go out with a chick had so much meaning. Where do yall get this ish from and why werent men given the same rule book”

Ared: “Maybe he’ll get hit with the thunderbolt one day.” –

Chick: For Real I got you now. You can’t wordsmith your way out of marrying me this time. I got your passport… both of them… it took me 6yrs to realize you and Jeep are the same person but that’s the past Preacher commence the ceremony!!

Preacher: Do you Hezekiah Bathsheba Jankens take

For Real: Oh sweet, sweet baby Jesus pleas…..

Hezekiah: Shuch-up now ain’t no use of pray now!! Go on Preacher

Preacher: Ummm Do you Hezekiah Bathsheba Jankens take For Real to be lawfully wedded husband?

Hezekiah: Dayum Skippy!!!

Preacher: And do you Fa….

(Maybe he’ll get hit with the thunderbolt one day)

For Real: (with his last breath whisper to Hezekiah) Gotcha Bytch!

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
4:11 pm

@ARed ~ don’t you dare!

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
4:15 pm

:lol: For Real… how long were you married?