Good to you vs. Good for you
There comes a time in every person’s dating career when you have to stop dating inappropriate people. I know we like to think there is something about those folks that bring you thrills and excitement, but trust me that grows old really fast. Besides, you can’t compare the excitement you feel when you are with the right person!
It’s not always easy determining who is good for you because a lot of us get caught up in how “good” they make us feel. How do you know when you are dating someone who is good for you? When do you figure out they are the marrying type vs. the dating type? I’ve always heard that men know almost immediately which category they will put a woman in. What’s their secret?! (Seriously guys, spill it).
If you are trying to weed out the inappropriate people (crazies, hot and little else to offer, etc.), what do you observe and pay attention to the most?
If you are seeing someone now, are they good for you? How do you know?
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413 comments Add your comment
Leggs
July 26th, 2010
10:30 am
I had an ex that was good too me sexually, but not good for me where life counts. It took me 6 months to realize this.
For Real
July 26th, 2010
10:31 am
“i.e. career success, buy a home, become more stable” – I never looked a those as a conditions that concerns women. Those are personal goals which I achieved with or without a woman. I think it depends on the dude and what he wants from a chick (i.e. wife, kids or a family)
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 26th, 2010
10:31 am
I will offer up a Good to You, but not Good for You example – You meet a guy that makes you feel like you’re the only woman in the world for him. He takes you out to eat at the best places, is always buying you gifts, keeps you laughing and is a considerate, skilled lover. But then, you find out he’s a drug kingpin.
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
10:32 am
For Real — Inception was pretty bad-a$$… The plot, to me, seemed a bit contrived, but everything else — cinematography, special effects, music — was outstanding…
SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime
July 26th, 2010
10:33 am
‘So you only view “Good to You” in sexual context?’
No but sometimes you know when a person you’re dealing with is going to be a short term deal…but maybe you WANT something long term.
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 26th, 2010
10:33 am
Or….that he’s married.
sexual chocolate
July 26th, 2010
10:34 am
Everybody’s good at one point, but I need that person to be good the rest of my life. I don’t need a sometime “Good Chic”; I need a “Good Chic” sorry (chic means short-term) “Good Woman” (means long-term) for the long haul that will be good for me Spiritual good, Financially good, Sexually good, Communication good, Wife material good and etc. If she can’t be that “GOOD” then I don’t need her.
For Real
July 26th, 2010
10:34 am
“makes you feel warm and fuzzy, but the total effect is disaster” – So, the total effect of feeling warm and fuzzy is a disaster? Naw, that’s not making any sense either.
For Real now passing Blue some coffee and no dose.
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 26th, 2010
10:35 am
I read an article last week that said that Inception was initially supposed to be cast with Tom Cruise in the lead role.
blue-7/30
July 26th, 2010
10:36 am
Sexy – good example.
Slim – agreed. women (or i should say not all women) see everything in terms of whether or not the sex is good. we do consider other things lol
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
July 26th, 2010
10:37 am
Sexy – Yeen have to put my business out there like that.. So what I serve hard on the boulevard.. I loveded you Shawty.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 26th, 2010
10:37 am
@Swiss thanks! I gotcha, and it makes sense.
BTW, where is Randyt I guess he married/shacked up with the lady at the drive thru?
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
10:39 am
What’s the matter, Slim? You wouldn’t give it up for Pablo Escobar?
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 26th, 2010
10:40 am
IDK – You’re a nutcase. I still love you, BooBoo.
Toucan – Whassup in NoFlo?
Melo
July 26th, 2010
10:42 am
But then, you find out he’s a drug kingpin.
@Scool??
iuf u grew up around drugs urself,smetimes that dont matter either. There are ladies married to drug pushers. Thats not a problem to them…
their value systems align.
there are women that have dated a guy for a looooong time and they are in no hurry to marry,both of them..proly stay tgher too….
their value syatems align. too.
so good for u is someone u like for the long haul and are comfortable with..it dont matter if they have drama or they dront….
sometimes, two pple who luv drama or have drama in their lives are comfortable with each other
blue-7/30
July 26th, 2010
10:46 am
and this mornings quote shall be
Anyone who says “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.
Author Unknown
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 26th, 2010
10:51 am
Good thing I don’t embrace the *drugdealing/thug life culture*.
Lucinda
July 26th, 2010
10:51 am
SexyCool 10:31 am. Exactly. Excellent example.
And I’m sticking with my keep in platonic for a long while if you wannt really know what you loooking at. At least for me, a good hard man can really mess with my judgment. Been there, done that. Now wanting/needing/having something much much better. Love
For Real
July 26th, 2010
10:52 am
Swiss: “think the whole “not ready to marry” thing is just a nicer way of saying he/she is not ready to marry you…” – In case I agree with you.
Inception – I liked the fact that there were two plots in the movie and the ending was a perfect reminder of one of the plots
Scool: I understand the point you are trying to make but the point I’m trying to make is “Good” is subjective. Thus, if one doesn’t see kingpins and married people as off limits then all is good. Now, for the real talk, if one believes married people and kingpins are off limit how do they not know those critical facts?
Slim: “No but sometimes you know when a person you’re dealing with is going to be a short term deal…but maybe you WANT something long term.” – Are sitting beside Blue? That doesn’t make sense. If want long term why deal with short term?
For Real is now giving mouth to CT resuscitation to Slim.
Dirty Diana ♠
July 26th, 2010
10:54 am
Melo,
Thanks for that 10:42 you have to align with the other person, and buying gifts and eating a crab leg doesn’t mean jack!
Run4Life
July 26th, 2010
10:55 am
I took WD was asking about the ‘bad boys’ that are good to you but not good for you.
I know guys that have been “good to me” meaning that I like being with them, we have chemistry in the bedroom, I have butterflies when I’m with them, etc.
However, they were not ‘good for me’ because they were constantly bringing grief my way, whether it was through disappearing acts, telling lies, just distant. I knew that I would not marry them because it would be constant heartache, and I definitely don’t want to bring that drama to my son and extended family members. I get the impression that I would be in a constant state of stress if I married one of these ‘bad boys’.
So they were good to me because I have chemistry with them and they were fun to be around, but they were not good for me because I was unhappy most of the time when we were apart. And they just didn’t seem like the settling down type.
SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.
July 26th, 2010
10:55 am
Melo/For Real – I agree with the subjectivity of the example.
And as to ” if one believes married people and kingpins are off limit how do they not know those critical facts?” This just in………..PEOPLE LIE ABOUT SHT SOMETIMES.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
July 26th, 2010
10:57 am
Speaking of Movies.. I saw a crazy movie last night called.. Unthinkable with Samuel L Jackson.. Pretty wild and thought provoking..
For Real
July 26th, 2010
10:58 am
Run4/Slim/Blue/Leggs: All have defined “Good to You” as sex. So, blog ladies does “Good to You” mean sex?
Lucinda
July 26th, 2010
11:00 am
Sexy Got that right! My girlfriend married a guy who was an engineer, went to work in a suit every day, etc. Turned out he was really a janitor (what, refuse engineer?). They got divorced. Not cuz he was a janitor, but because he carried out an elaborate lie for a long time.
For Real
July 26th, 2010
11:00 am
“This just in………..PEOPLE LIE ABOUT SHT SOMETIMES.” – Then a liar cannot be “Good to You” or “Good for You”.
Melo
July 26th, 2010
11:00 am
one believes married people and kingpins are off limit how do they not know those critical facts?” This just in
@Scool??
off to a meet…
It takes time,experience and Luck..
No guarantees!
SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime
July 26th, 2010
11:00 am
i’m swiss – that would be a NEGATIVE. lol
“If want long term why deal with short term?’
@For Real – my point exactly…however, you can get pulled into the feel good of the moment to keep holding on to the short-term even when you rather long term. What’s that saying, GOod D is hard to find lol Plus let’s face it, we often times do meet folks who we love to hang out with, have a good time with but they have already let it be known from jump street that they don’t want anything serious…for whatever reason, those be the ones we find ourselves attracted to. Psychological thing? Probably…or is it that you tend to have more fun once the PRESSURES that we put on ourselves are taken out of the equation i.e not seeking a long term situation??? Things that make you go Hmmm…
Oh and For Real, you need to go down a little further…you’re blowing air in my belly button
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
11:01 am
Totally off topic: Here’s something to think about the next time you head out to the ol’ ball park. I particularly like that “mosquito mojito” you can get at Dolphins & Marlins games…
blue-7/30
July 26th, 2010
11:02 am
@Lucinda – yes indeedy, introducing sex too early will cloud judgment. gota see the whole person, not just how loudly they can make you scream
@For Real – agreed Good is subjective. hence me saying earlier “not sure there is a recipe for that one, think it may vary person to person”. someone out there may like the drug kingpin, may even have that lifestyle as a requirement, but definietly will not work for everybody. and i betcha even that womans friends will see her diamonds and whatever else and say “d@mn, he sure is good to you”. but when they find out what he does will be going “girl, run as fast as your legs can carry you”. well most friends anyway, maybe she has friends who like that sort of thing too….hmmmm
AmazonRed™
July 26th, 2010
11:05 am
On that note, I think the whole “not ready to marry” thing is just a nicer way of saying he/she is not ready to marry you…
blue-7/30
July 26th, 2010
11:06 am
@For Real – when did i define it as good sex? coulda sworn i specifically said most women are looking for more than that. but we are human, sex can cloud judgement, does not mean thats the only thing we use to judge.
@swiss – never found a mojito i really liked. whats so cool about that one?
AmazonRed™
July 26th, 2010
11:08 am
Swiss – The crazy thing is I was in FL this weekend and went to the Marlins game…and ate there too.
Leggs
July 26th, 2010
11:09 am
@ForReal ~ I thought in terms of sex because if he’s good FOR me, my mind, body and soul is being touched. Meaning, I can simply come to him cuz I need a sounding board and he would listen to me with attentive ears (we know when this is truly being done), may even offer to help me solve the problem. If he’s just good TO me, then my body desires are being fulfilled, but that’s about it.
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
11:12 am
blue —
Didn’t read the article, huh? 
Apparently, if you get a frozen alcoholic beverage at a Dolphins or Marlins game, it may also include some little, ground-up insect bits…. 
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
11:15 am
ARed — Well, look at it this way… At least they found the critters in alcohol — so, it’s sort of self-sanitizing…
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
11:16 am
See, now that’s just another reason why I always carry around my own personal flask of Jack…
For Real
July 26th, 2010
11:20 am
DK: Imma have to check Unthinkable out. I like off beat movies. Here is one you might like Edmond starring William H. Macy and Bokeem Wooodbine. It’s wild too.
Slim: Short term/long term is not relevant. The issue is how you define “Good”. A dude can be “Good to You” and “Good for You” for a short term. Seems to me you defining “Good for You” as long term and I don’t see any difference in chicks defining “Good for You” as marriage. And you are correct, when you remove future consideration (i.e. marriage/long term relationship) from the present you can be yourself and enjoy the present.
“Oh and For Real, you need to go down a little further…you’re blowing air in my belly button” – Hush up now, I likes to take my time.
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
11:28 am
Totally off topic again: So, at my ALTA playoff match this weekend (Team Swiss in on the the semi-finals, BTW), I saw something that literally hurt just to look at. It was easily 140+ on the courts during our matches, and on one of the other courts, out comes this chick for a match wearing full length, black sweat pants & a long sleeve pullover, zipped up to her neck. And she proceeded to play an entire match in that heat, wearing that full gear.
Now, I know from being married to Mrs. Swiss, that some chicks are just always cold, but that seemed a little extreme… There surely must be some other explanation… She definitely shouldn’t have been trying to hide her body, ‘cos she was young & fine, but d@mn… I almost had a heat stroke just watching her…
kimmie
July 26th, 2010
11:29 am
On that note, I think the whole “not ready to marry” thing is just a nicer way of saying he/she is not ready to marry you…
Been there, done that, got the t-shirts! I’m not really talking about someone you’ve dealt with personally. I’m talking about a handful of outstanding guys that I know of that are “emotionally unavailable”. Maybe one day they will be but not right now.
A lot of this “finding the one” stuff I believe has a lot to do with luck. Now there are a lot of things you can do to improve your own personal odds. But I still believe you have to meet that right person at the right time, when you both are ready to do what it takes to make the relationship work, whatever kind of relationship it is you want. If you want marriage, you have to find one that is like-mined and ready and ready for YOU. If you want a long-term shack situation, say that upfront and the other needs to want the same and not be trying to make you want something you don’t. I see folks every day do all the supposedly “wrong” things and they get married. I say married because marriage is my goal and a lot of others, not folks like 4Real.
Sometimes the stars just gotta be lined up right.
For Real
July 26th, 2010
11:29 am
Blue: I’m sorry I took your “in momment” to mean sex.
Leggs: “If he’s just good TO me, then my body desires are being fulfilled, but that’s about it.” – So, “Good to You” is just sex and he cannot be “Good to You” by touching your mind, body and soul?
kimmie
July 26th, 2010
11:32 am
swiss – She might have had on one of those exercise suits that supposedly sweat off water weight.
For Real
July 26th, 2010
11:33 am
“not folks like 4Real.” – Dayum Kimmie!!! You make it seem like folks like me got the cuddies.
For Real now rubbing his wet hands on the back of Kimmie’s neck.
i'm swiss™
July 26th, 2010
11:34 am
kimmie — Maybe… But this chick was already slim & fine as hell… No need for her to be doing any extra sweating on a day like yesterday….
For Real
July 26th, 2010
11:35 am
Swiss: She couldda been muslim? or Had the Micheal Jackson thang. or Didn’t shave her legs or armspits
DreamsMaterialize
July 26th, 2010
11:36 am
swiss – She might have had on one of those exercise suits that supposedly sweat off water weight.
Or she was out of her damn mind. lol
For Real
July 26th, 2010
11:37 am
Swiss: I bet she likes to be wrap in saran wrap too.
PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time
July 26th, 2010
11:37 am
Good Morning
I think you have to know your own worth so that you don’t have a distorted view of which is which, good to you or good for you. I would think ultimately a seemless blend of the two would be ideal. I was actually talking to my homegirl about a similar topic this weekend.
blue-7/30
July 26th, 2010
11:38 am
@swiss – i am sooo not awake, i totally missed that link. im like “mosquito mojito, interesting name, well i guess everybodys got a catch phrase” like that was just the name of the drink lmao. now that im reading it, just ewwww. self sanitizing? lmao.
gotta be ale to laugh at yourself sometimes, and other people lol. i need some ice cream, maybe that will wake me up…..
Leggs
July 26th, 2010
11:38 am
@ForReal ~ if he touches everything that needs touching then he’s good FOR me. I see how my statement reads. Sure, 2 out of the 3 can be touched which enables me to even want to bed him, but there’s something beyond that Good “FOR” me that encompasses much more than just sex.