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Good to you vs. Good for you

There comes a time in every person’s dating career when you have to stop dating inappropriate people.  I know we like to think there is something about those folks that bring you thrills and excitement, but trust me that grows old really fast. Besides, you can’t compare the excitement you feel when you are with the right person!

It’s not always easy determining who is good for you because a lot of us get caught up in how “good” they make us feel.  How do you know when you are dating someone who is good for you?  When do you figure out they are the marrying type vs. the dating type?  I’ve always heard that men know almost immediately which category they will put a woman in. What’s their secret?! (Seriously guys, spill it).

If you are trying to weed out the inappropriate people (crazies, hot and little else to offer, etc.), what do you observe and pay attention to the most?

If you are seeing someone now, are they good for you? How do you know?

413 comments Add your comment

usmcDawg

July 26th, 2010
8:29 am

Pretentious women are a major turnoff for the long run (marraige). I will date an “7″ on looks with a great personality before I will date a “10″ on looks with a selfish and/or pretentious personality.
Women, I know this sounds silly, but JUST BE YOURSELF and you will be amazed how far it takes you. Also, just as a side note, tone down the make-up. Haven’t you ever heard of “less is more”?
Let’s have a great week:-)

2CPTG©----

July 26th, 2010
8:30 am

Mornin’ y’all ….what it do, DK…saw your shout out on Friday…

How do I know if a chic is good for me? umm, lemme see, I think it’s in Proverbs 31…that virtuous woman! Yeah, that’s it…That’s the gal mama and nem said is good for me…now, the gal that’s good to me, is the one who makes me feel good; But you know what they say about the “flesh”….

“When do you figure out they are the marrying type vs. the dating type?”
When she does things by instinct, as opposed to being told/persuaded to do something..I can tell by her conversation and demeanor if she’s a keeper….

SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime

July 26th, 2010
8:33 am

Good morning All,

So fellas, what’s the best way for a chick to tell if a dude is just good TO her as opposed to good FOR her? Any suggestions?

Norvee Michele

July 26th, 2010
8:38 am

Norvee Michele

July 26th, 2010
8:39 am

Ah never mind! LOL : ) My thoughts are trust your gut. If you feel like someone is pulling your chain, chances are that’s what is happening.

Lucinda

July 26th, 2010
8:42 am

Good FOR me:

Depth of character
Emotionally and financially stable
Kind and courteous
Gentleman
Considerate
Understands– and demonstrates –that two together is stronger than two individuals, and more important
Family oriented
Mature
Does not need “fixing”
Respectful towards me
Values my input and perspective
Sexual relationship works for us both
Does not drink/drug/porn/gamble/etc excessively

Lucinda

July 26th, 2010
8:52 am

mean to add, that if you date somebody and hold off on having a sexual relationship for a while (like MONTHS), you can “see” much more clearly than if you get together and it makes your toes curl… tends to cloud judgment and make you overlook other stuff about the person that may be a problem. This I have learned. The kind of thing the old folks say that is on the money.

Mike P

July 26th, 2010
8:55 am

For us men, it’s just a natural instinct… When we see “her” we just know… there’s no figuring, wondering, an no guessing. When we see “her” there’s no games, no disappearing acts, no need to persuade her. All the other women with their “self-important, dramatic little issues,” and games that we’re currently dealing with when we meet “her” at that point becomes small and petty (they all just to fade to black).
Good Morning MIA Blog Fam

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

July 26th, 2010
9:13 am

2 Ceezy – I see ya Homie.

Ok Denn!!! Now a days its a chick a dude can be himself with and she accepts his flaws. The girl he can talk to about anything without being judged. The babe that will let her womanly instincts kick in around you and yours with her. The natural flow of things just happen. Its the age old saying Cream floats to the top.

Leggs

July 26th, 2010
9:15 am

Good morning! Like your post, MikeP. You’re absolutely correct, they all just fade to black when you’re with the right one.

blue-7/30

July 26th, 2010
9:20 am

GM all, happy Monday

how do you know when you are dating someone whos good for you? intersting question and not sure there is a recipe for that one, think it may vary person to person. but the one constant would be someone who lets me be myself, not someone who has traits or behaviors that turn me into someone i cant stand.
have heard that men know from the beginning tho. mr.blue told me he knew from day one that we would be married at some point, and have heard from his friends over the years that he’d told them i was the one he was gonna marry. have heard several other men say that about their wives, so guess they have some kind of 6th sense about these things.

sexual chocolate

July 26th, 2010
9:23 am

Men know right off the bat if a woman is married material, just like when a woman knows on the first date, if she’s going to sleep with you.

AmazonRed™

July 26th, 2010
9:23 am

Morning all –

While I’ve never been into bad boys, I have to recognize where my dating flaws are: I’m a magnet for emotionally unavailable men! They can have all the right credentials and treat me well, but it will never go the distance if they aren’t willing to let their guard down or too caught up in the hurt they’ve dealt with in the past.

I’ll learn one of these days…

abc

July 26th, 2010
9:33 am

The ones a man would marry vs. the ones he’d merely spend time with are the ones he’d like to keep vs. the ones he doesn’t care about that much. The rationale will vary per person.

DreamsMaterialize

July 26th, 2010
9:37 am

Morning
The one who is right for me is the one who’s real easy to be around, without even trying.

M. (pronouced M dot)

July 26th, 2010
9:42 am

Monday…

“I’ve always heard that men know almost immediately which category they will put a woman in. What’s their secret?! (Seriously guys, spill it).”

I think guys qualify a woman by her attitude. Its all about her level of cooperation, how cool is she, and can you grow with her and from her.

I think I know when someone is good for me because if I feel stressfree and balanced.

What I pay attention to the most is their consistency level. Like @Mike P said, no disappearing act. Guys are logical so it would be logical if you are interested to stick around. Also your actions should match up with your words.

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
9:43 am

“I’ve always heard that men know almost immediately which category they will put a woman in. What’s their secret?! (Seriously guys, spill it).”

Well, for one, we don’t over-analyze every minute detail of everything a chick has ever done, said, potentially thought about, or that we might have imagined or dreamed them doing, saying or potentially thinking about. Sometimes simple is better. Do you like her? Does she treat you well? Could you see yourself being happy with her just as she is right now for the long haul? Answer ‘yes’ to those questions, and you’ve got a keeper. Pretty simple.

sexual chocolate

July 26th, 2010
9:44 am

We as men know that there is the marrying type and then theirs the sexual booty type. The marrying type is the one that you can open up to and tell your deepest filling too. Also the one you can take home to Mom and your Mom can understand why you brought her home for her to meet. Then theirs the booty call, you only want to get up when her when it’s right for you. You will never take her to meet your Mom, because Moms know right when you bring her into the door that she is not the right one.

kimmie

July 26th, 2010
9:48 am

Good morning good people! Hope everyone had a nice weekend!

Go see Salt – Angelina Jolie is BAD!

On topic – It’s not rocket science, folks. If you have a half an ounce of common sense you know the one you want to meet the family versus the one you only come out at night with. If by this age, the age most of the regulars on this blog, don’t know the keepers versus the throw back in the waters, I can’t help you.

I think the major thing has to be a desire to make a commitment on both parties. What good is him being “good for me” and a keeper and all if he doesn’t want to “keep” me and vice-versa? Like Amred said, gotta be emotionally available. I know some outstanding men – yes they are out there! But they don’t want to get married! They are having fun playing the field and the field is wide! So as far as I’m concerned they may as well not be there!

abc

July 26th, 2010
9:48 am

Tell your deepest filling too? That’s pretty funny.

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
9:50 am

:lol: @ abc — Hey, I like sharing my deepest, cream filling w/ that special lady, too… :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠

July 26th, 2010
9:51 am

Hola!

As you all know, I let my head lead so I can tell what is good for me. Logic and common sense kicks in and I can tell if that person is for me. For some reason, I think we all try to make this “magical” relationship potion. Deep down inside I don’t think that is the way to go, if you are chilling with someone, and s/he keeps their word and you have fun with them…that is cool. Once you try to add a timeline and the secret receipe you lose yourself and the relationship.

@Slim I like your question on that 8:33 I hope the gents answer.

For Real

July 26th, 2010
9:54 am

Wait a minute, wait a minute…..

So, a dude is not good for if he does marry you???? WOW!!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

July 26th, 2010
9:56 am

His name is Sexual Chocolate…

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
9:56 am

“So fellas, what’s the best way for a chick to tell if a dude is just good TO her as opposed to good FOR her?”

Well, now that you mention it — I don’t really see much distinction between being good to you vs. being good for you… Seems to me if someone is good to you — i.e. they treat you well, with love, respect & kindness — then they are good for you. What am I missing?

For Real

July 26th, 2010
9:57 am

Can somebody please explain how a person can be “GOOD” to but not be “GOOD” for you?

sexual chocolate

July 26th, 2010
9:58 am

I have a wonderful woman that I have been dating for a while and I can truly say that she is drama free. She is consistent each and everyday. She hasn’t had to try hard to please me, she just does it naturally. She is totally open with me regarding her feeling and I don’t try to abuse or misuse her feeling in any kind of way. She respect me as a man and I respect her as a woman. Plus she carries herself as a woman not trying to please anyone except her man and in the end that’s all the matter, is the relationship between a man and a woman. Once you have that, then everything is will fall into place. If it begins with a “lie”, the it will end in a “lie”

SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime

July 26th, 2010
10:01 am

DD – yeah, i’m still waiting for a response….crickets…crickets

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
10:01 am

Why do I now have that Grace Jones song in my head…?

“I’m not perfect… But I’m perfect — for you…..”

:lol:

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 26th, 2010
10:02 am

Sexual Chocolate aka Randy Watson. “THAT boy can SANG!”

Melo

July 26th, 2010
10:02 am

what’s the best way for a chick to tell if a dude is just good TO her as opposed to good FOR her? Any suggestions

Good morning folks!

If u have any core values urself(man or woman),then u shld be able to tell,from interaction and conversations,the woman or man whose value systems align with urs.

Like Lucinda alluded to,if u have not been compromised already sexually then mentally,that shld be an easy decision .

Easier said than done because the flesh(evil) is always lurking and telling ur brains to nibble at that beckoning red cherry(if u are a guy) or that whatever,if u female.

Have a good monday people! :-)

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
10:02 am

Slim — See my 9:43 & replace all the “she’s” with “he’s” — that’s a good start…

sexual chocolate

July 26th, 2010
10:06 am

@For Real “GOOD” to but not be “GOOD” for you?

You have some people that are Good for you, which means they are good for friendship, good for bringing out certain qualities you might not know you have. Being that person that always keep you ground nad level headed.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 26th, 2010
10:07 am

@Slim, I don’t think we will get an answer to that one. Maybe Melo will bite if he come on today.

@blue on your 9:20 that is funny I have heard men say this as well. The funny thing is I had one tell me this a few weeks ago while he was drinking it was funny as hell. Oh yea, I have a good friend that said she knew as well, but I don’t want to count her since they are divorced now. :sad:

SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime

July 26th, 2010
10:07 am

I would say the difference is based on pure short-term sexual GOOD as opposed to actually GOOD based on more substance…Do you enjoy the person they are after the baby making juice is released…or is it only the like that stems from you needing to bust one soon so of course you’re into that person….

C tha 1

July 26th, 2010
10:10 am

I’m with Kimmie on this one. If yall old folks can’t recognize a keeper by now then there is no helping you.

For Real

July 26th, 2010
10:11 am

“what’s the best way for a chick to tell if a dude is just good TO her as opposed to good FOR her? Any suggestions” – Slim this whole “Good to You” vs “Good for You” is purely women’s speak. It’s like the saying “Have you cake and eat it too” like what exactly are you suppose to do with cake… Here is my advice, defind what “Good” means to you and when you find a man that fits that definition hold on to him. I have seen alot women let “Good to You” and “Good for You” men walk out their lives simply because they defind “Good for You” as marriage without realizing “Bad to You” or “Bad for You” can marry too.

mark

July 26th, 2010
10:12 am

whats good for me is a woman that can and will cook at least 3times a week. if she does that i will give my life trying to please her and our family.

hey Leggs!

blue-7/30

July 26th, 2010
10:16 am

good to you – i.e. they treat you well, with love, respect & kindness, but if he brings more drama and baggage than your craziest girlfriend, not good for you.
or if hes not consistant with the “treat you well, with love, respect & kindness”, stagger that with with attitude, drama, neglect general heartache. looks goodto friends and fam, has days where he’s good to you, but definietly not good for you

SlimOne...Anotha day anotha dime

July 26th, 2010
10:17 am

For Real – I didn’t include “Marriage” as a deciding factor but I feels ya. Now turn your head to the right and cough please. ;-)

For Real

July 26th, 2010
10:17 am

“I would say the difference is based on pure short-term sexual GOOD” – So you only view “Good to You” in sexual context?

Dirty Diana ♠

July 26th, 2010
10:20 am

@mark, do you know how to cook? Do you currently eat most of your meals out?

@Kimmie and C tha 1…I agree on if you cannot recognize what is good for you by now. However we must remember folks talk a good game, but there are a lot of errors being made in the dating world. So hopefully our novices will learn a thing or two today. :grin:

@swiss on your 9:56…does this happens after you guys reach a certain point in life i.e. career success, buy a home, become more stable?

For Real

July 26th, 2010
10:21 am

blue: Your 10:16 make no sense… in one breath he’s “good” and then in another breath he crazy. I think everyone would agree that “crazy” do not equal “good” in no context. How do you define “Good”?

For Real

July 26th, 2010
10:23 am

Cough, Cough, Cough, Cough, Cough, Cough,
(For Real is now 44 coughs away from a nice azz nap)
Cough, Cough, Cough

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
10:24 am

Thanks, blue. Although, I would not define what you just described as being good to you, either. But that’s just me…

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
10:27 am

Dirty D — Everyone is different… But for me, it was less about where I was in my life & more about meeting someone that I simply never wanted to let go of…

For Real

July 26th, 2010
10:27 am

Off topic: Salt was good but you can tell the directors from Jason Bourne made the movie. Plot is the same. Inception is still the best movie out.

blue-7/30

July 26th, 2010
10:28 am

maybe put it this way. good to you vs. good for you, more like comparing how you feel about him in the moment v. the total effect he has on your life. if the moment makes you feel warm and fuzzy, but the total effect is disaster, he was good to you for the moment, but is not good for you.
maybe im not as awake as i thought, sooo not a morning person. that make more sense?

Willie Dynamite

July 26th, 2010
10:28 am

Morning All,

I dont know the semantics of it all but I can say that Swiss just answered for me as well with his 10:27.

i'm swiss™

July 26th, 2010
10:28 am

On that note, I think the whole “not ready to marry” thing is just a nicer way of saying he/she is not ready to marry you