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Do you have a right to snoop?

All of the modern technology we use that has us all plugged into the matrix can also become a big distraction.  I have heard stories upon stories of how technology played a role in the ending of a relationship.

Whether it was a racy cell phone picture or dirty text, we have more tools at our disposal to find out information, if we are on a fact gathering “mission” to do so.  Whether it’s a great thing or not so great thing, well it’s debatable.

If we have all the technology to find out information, should we use it in our dating relationships?  I’ve heard people say that it’s so easy to snoop these days, it would behoove us to do so to protect ourselves. What do you think?

Should you go snooping into your date or mate’s life? Do you think you are entitled to find out information if you don’t think they are forthcoming?

What would you do if you found out that someone you are dating or interested in dig a little snooping on you? Would it bother you?

281 comments Add your comment

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:02 am

Good morning. I am first….

blue-7/30

July 22nd, 2010
10:03 am

GM all,

hey Leggs, bylaws ? for you, how does this daily quote thing work?

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:04 am

Even with all of the modern technology, why snoop when all you have to do is have a conversation. Even if information isn’t immediately forthcoming, pay attention to his words and his actions. Sometimes, it might be better just to go back to times when FB and other online sites weren’t available. Other than checking on someone’s prison record, if any, open your mouth and converse with one another.

PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time

July 22nd, 2010
10:08 am

Now this is a testament to how much I’ve grown up, about 10 years ago i would do random pocket checks, wallet checks, and pager (yes pager ;) ) checks in front of dude and Wild out if I found something suspicious. Now fast forward 10 years to now, I don’t think it’s that serious. Yes if you are married or cohabitating and sharing bills, and u come across something not quite right it needs to be addressed, not so sure it should be something you go looking for though.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:10 am

@blue ~ I started posting a quote at the end of the day and it just became a ritual. Unintentionally, I realized I may have been hogging the 5:00 spot so I started throwing the “quote bag” in the air for others to catch when I don’t ask someone directly. Anyone can leave a quote, I just ask that I possibly be given a headsup so I don’t leave one (LOL).

blue-7/30

July 22nd, 2010
10:10 am

IMO, the truth will out. dont need to snoop, cause as Leggs pointed out if i just keep my eyes and mind open, i’ll see what i need to see. if there are suscpicions or doubts, just talk to each other. and if you are actually paying attention, what you need to know/see will make it self known.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
10:11 am

Hola!

Hey blue, what it do over there?

On topic: I don’t snoop, but if you show certain signs I know real officers. First I check the prison websites and google you, but if comes down to that I am already running away…I am just stacking my cards in case you chase me. Hopefully you all get what I am saying.

PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time

July 22nd, 2010
10:11 am

Sometimes, it might be better just to go back to times when FB and other online sites weren’t available

Leggs, i agree, I have never even been on facebook beyond trying to see what the email folks send you inviting you to sign up is about, once i realized i had to have a page to view anybody elses it was like oh well

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:13 am

@PrincessNik ~ I have been a room with a gf while she went through her man’s wallet, pockets and jackets. I have never done a paper check or snooped into anything that belonged to any man I was dating. But, I know a lot do it. Watching her helped me recognize things I didn’t want to do. Too me, that’s much wasted emotion and wrought with insecurity/trust issues.

Lady- It is NONE of your business what others think of you!:)

July 22nd, 2010
10:13 am

Good Morning Good People!!!!!!!

hmmmmm interesting topic!

Kym

July 22nd, 2010
10:16 am

Good Morning All,

Google me..caused I googled you.(Google is really a word now)..I feel like I don’t really have much to hide. I am not ashamed of my life or anything that has happen so if someone is going to check me out check away..just don’t still my identity.

Kym

July 22nd, 2010
10:19 am

Ohhh now I am not going thru anyone’s stuff..cause I don’t want anyone..rambling thru my stuff.. Goggle to make sure you not a sex offender sure..going thru your drawers and pockets…nawww…thats tooo much.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
10:21 am

PK,

I agree if something comes up that looks suspicious, handle that matter. All of that searching pockets and stuff all I can say is this :arrow: GET YOUR HANDS OUT MY POCKET!

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 22nd, 2010
10:22 am

Have snooped in the past, based on suspicions and my suspicions were proven true.

Wouldn’t think of snooping with TheDude. I trust him and he has done next to nothing to set off any warning bells. Yeah, past experiences and the resulting paranoia that I *could* allow to cause me to allow my imagination to run wild about one or two very minor things that have *looked funny*, but really, that’s just unnecessary baggage that I refuse to bring to the relationship.

And the couple of situations were I did question something, we were able to discuss it in a manner that made me realize that I was misinterpreting the situation, but also gave him more insight into how I think.

All that being said, at this point in my life, I trust my instincts enough to know that “where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” or that *real* suspicions are brought about by actual causes.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:27 am

@SexyC ~ the friend I was in the room with had such a wild imagination I was hard pressed to there things weren’t the way she saw them at times. I must admit I marveled at how she got worked up and the reasoning she put behind them. I would bet $50 her doctor has her on some form of medication.

Lady- It is NONE of your business what others think of you!:)

July 22nd, 2010
10:27 am

~Whatever it is for me to know through the truth or lies it shall be revealed in some sort or manner without breaking down walls to find out~ Patience and Listening will unfold much! It happens all the time…..lol

People always say they truly don’t care but many go through great lengths to figure out some half truths and lies….its funny and interesting…….with technology things can be confirmed when there is doubt…….lol…..

blue-7/30

July 22nd, 2010
10:28 am

Hey Diana, trying to accept that today isnt Friday, lol. how you doing?

@Leggs – i see, sometimes i see some funny quotes that i think about
posting but didnt wanna steal someones thing. but i think im more of a morning quote person, cause by the afternoon ive forgotten lol. thanx!

i figure if you give me a reason to doubt you, im gonna ask and start paying closer attention, see what happens. but if youve given me no reasons to doubt, im just doubtful anyway, and im snooping just off of gp not cause some chick is calling my house, then i dont trust you anyway. and really, if im just doing it off gp, then i can “find” something anywhere.
“whered he get this Trident gum wrapper, he dont chew Trident, he always has me buy Stride, i knew he was messing with that heffer at his job…..”

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:28 am

I was hard pressed to show her things weren’t….

Lady- It is NONE of your business what others think of you!:)

July 22nd, 2010
10:28 am

yeah PK and Diana I agree totally!!!!! ;)

abc

July 22nd, 2010
10:30 am

Such snooping is wrongly invasive, but it happens to everyone at one time or another. If something gets snooped about you that offends your partner, their snooping isn’t going to be an issue; only the offense that you’ve committed. So, as a rule of thumb, don’t do things that require you to keep them a secret. It’s an easy and straightforward rule that I impressed upon my children — it’s a kindergartner’s rule. But, my kids still don’t get it, and neither do most folks. In general, people lie like teenage children no matter what their age.

I consider social media sites, IM, and cell phones to be social ills. They cause a lot more damage to society and culture than they contribute.

Mrs. Tazzee

July 22nd, 2010
10:30 am

I agree with Kym Hey Lady! – I see no problem with being googled or someone asking around about me, but if you start rambling through my stuff then the relationship is probably over. Mainly because I’m an open book – folks can ask me anything. 99% of the questions will get an answer and the other 1% will get a polite response indicating that it’s not something I’m going to answer, LOL.

mark

July 22nd, 2010
10:30 am

i think we all should do a lil detective work on our prospective mates. it could help you in the long run.

mark

July 22nd, 2010
10:31 am

Hey leggs!!!

Melo

July 22nd, 2010
10:32 am

Morning!

I hate insecure biaatches!

U bring the angst on urself if u going to ruffle thru pockets of a boyfriend/girlfriend and then bring drama into it at the end of it all….

One,u have no claim on this person,so why go thru their stuff??

Two,u walking blind coz u cant open ur eyes to the cheating now u want to get evidence so as to confront the other biaatches and heiffers….who have nothing to do with u anyway.

I never snooped on nobody and I trust nobody snooped on me…….

If u want to discuss some,just open ur mouf and say it…and if u want to step,u step…..

I subscribe to NO DRAMA BAMA..RAMA

I hate biaatches

Good morning!!

(blueblue-7/30?? u owe me a tutorial on the tripple play) :cool:

Lady- It is NONE of your business what others think of you!:)

July 22nd, 2010
10:32 am

Waving @ Mrs Tazzee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
10:32 am

I would say the flip side of this topic is ignoring your instincts (I am not saying snoop). Lets face it how many times folks ignore the red flags and do not react. Snooping is not a solution, but there are things folks can do, instead of looking like a :shock: and like a fool.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:33 am

@blue ~ personally, I see nothing wrong with starting the morning off with a “Good morning” and a good quote….go for it.

Your gum point sounds like my friend.

blue-7/30

July 22nd, 2010
10:35 am

@Sexy – And the couple of situations were I did question something, we were able to discuss it in a manner that made me realize that I was misinterpreting the situation, but also gave him more insight into how I think. – agreed. lets talk about it. if i dont wanna talk to you about it, seems most likely that i know im being ridiculous. we talk about it, get it in the open, no secrets or suscpicions, and maybe just maybe we learn something about how the other works.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
10:36 am

@Blue/melo,

What is going on with the triple play? Blue are you posting a manual?

Melo, you sound a bit angry on that 10:32 on that next to the last sentence.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:38 am

PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time

July 22nd, 2010
10:39 am

Leggs,

I was 20/21 and that particular relationship shoulda never started let alone last 2 years but you know what they say hindsight is 20/20

Melo

July 22nd, 2010
10:41 am

@Dirty??

no im aaaight! very bubbly bubbly today…

snooping is a biaatch play Dirty,dont u know??

if they had put this topic on the ajc first page,all the boyfriend_less biatches were gon come out today.

no wonder my i hate biaatches speech today….

u were tardy yesterday :cool:

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:41 am

@PrincessNik ~ and at the tender age of 20/21 we aren’t seeing straight!

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
10:44 am

Melo,

I have a note excusing me from the blog yesterday…LOL

Question: For those that used to snoop because their old man cheated on them, but they don’t anymore: would you call these heifers reforming biaatches? BTW you don’t have to answer that, but I do want to know about this 3-play? What are you trying to cook up??? You have until high noon to answer that one :grin:

…stepping out for a minute

blue-7/30

July 22nd, 2010
10:44 am

@abc – don’t do things that require you to keep them a secret – needs to be preached loud. and applies to both women and men, if you need to hide it, chances are you doing it at all is the bigger issue than them finding the proof during a snoop. one of the biggest questions need to be if you didnt see anything wrong with it, why you hiding it?
@melo – yeah, never understood the need to deal with the “other woman”. deal with your man, IF theres something to deal with at all. you being insecure does not mean he has another family in augusta.
(gonna ask me first thing, can i get a cup of coffee first, lol)
@Diana – he!! yes. we have instincts for a reason. you ignore the warning bells going of in your head, yuo end up sorry more often than not.

Raqi

July 22nd, 2010
10:46 am

The thing about snooping is you can find out information that can bring questions to your mind however to try to address the issue with someone you are just dating will make you look untrustworthy and like a well…a snoop. And should you not choose to address it but rather end the dating, you take a chance of doing so on information that may not be actually what it seems to you. So instead of snooping find a way to ask what you want to know IMO.

If a question or conversation causes the other party become defensive then you should go with that to mean you probably don’t want to know the answer and should act on what you feel it best to do from there.

We are all big girls and boys, ask what you want to know.

blue-7/30

July 22nd, 2010
10:46 am

@Leggs – good deal. todays morning quote shall be then :

Those people who tell me that I’m going to hell while while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we’re going to separate destinations.
Martin Terman

Kym

July 22nd, 2010
10:50 am

@Mrs.Tazzee!!! Hi there girl..I will be joining ya’ll yet again for another Falcons preseason game.(insert shudder here) Friday night August 13th..my son is playing in one of the half-time games.

Purple Rain

July 22nd, 2010
10:52 am

If I feel I have to snoop rather than ask straight forward, then we have bigger issues. One person thinks the other is hiding something or not trustworthy and the other thinks the snooper is a sleuth and sneaky that does not respect them enough to just ask…if you think you will get a lie if you just ask…Might as well bail out.

Leggs

July 22nd, 2010
10:53 am

Woo Hoo, Woo Hoo – going off to our company sponsored bowling/pool competition. I’m on a great team, but made sure I wasn’t put on a team with my boss. Heck, I work with him everyday, don’t want to play with him too! Enjoy.

@Mark ~ would you be so kind and leave the end of day quote? Thank you

Melo

July 22nd, 2010
10:53 am

blue??

here,ur coffee!

I can see Martin Lawrence saying the same thing in his skit just like Terman said on that10.46! :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
10:54 am

blue- I love that quote I have a few folks I need to use that one on.

PrincessNik..0727 'bout dat time

July 22nd, 2010
10:57 am

Carlito

your 10:52, that’s where i am now that i’m older and wiser.

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 22nd, 2010
10:58 am

P-Lito – 1052a co-sign.

Kimmy

July 22nd, 2010
10:58 am

Usually once you start looking it’s because you already suspect something and will likely end up finding what you’re looking for. I do think that it is not the best way to find out the truth, but the sadder part is that people are so dishonest. The thing about not being truthful that drives me nuts is that I don’t have all the information for me to make the best decision for myself and that by being dishonest with me you have taken away my choice. Snoop if you want, but you probably already know waht you will find. The funny thing is most peopel snoop only to stay with the person. Just be honest people.

DreamsMaterialize

July 22nd, 2010
11:05 am

Morning
I don’t put things out there that I don’t want people to know. Google me, facebook me, ask around, whatever…I’m not hard to find. Anything you find in the process is stuff I don’t mind people knowing. Stay out of my person things though, not because I have anything to hide, but because it’s just disrespectful. Don’t touch it if it doesn’t belong to you. Funny how we don’t follow the very rules we teach children. A note to snoopers though…don’t be mad when you find what you’re looking for.

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
11:05 am

@Kimmy I agree with that 10:58…sad, but true. What cheater is going to tell you the truth? I will never forget I heard this lady and man going at it one Sunday morning he said he had been at a soccer game since Friday night. She was saying I drove to the field and no one was there, he said they continued to move the match to a different field. I bet she wanted to believe him, and I already know given the chance she would go through his cell phone and clothes. However she was not ready to face the truth.

blue-7/30

July 22nd, 2010
11:07 am

@PR – If I feel I have to snoop rather than ask straight forward, then we have bigger issues. – most definitely.
@melo – i like my coffee light, like me :-) lol.
tutorial – 1. avoid paying for it, thats just way too icky.
2. watch how you approach Queen. leave out the part about thinking this would be better than cheating. cause then thats all she’ll be thinking about. dont know your wife, she may think it anyway, but if you use any form of that “so i dont cheat” phrase she will assume you are. bad juju.
3. Set rules up front.
4. lather, rinse, repeat….no, not really, just felt like throwing that in there
5. enjoy! ;)

Dirty Diana ♠

July 22nd, 2010
11:08 am

DreamsM,

Do you consider it snooping when I “sneak” in your bar? I only go in there on the days you arrive late or leave early. :wink:

CoolShadow

July 22nd, 2010
11:11 am

Snooping often is a justification for people who thrive on insecurity and constant emotional discomfort. As it relates to dating, snoopers rather cast a wide blanket of suspicion and mistrust instead of establishing trust in someone on their own merits. When one snoops for the sake of it without “justifiable” cause, that’s forging ahead to an impending train wreck once the subject of the snooping finds out. What they don’t realize is that it’s so much less energy could be used in learning to trust someone rather than constantly expending it trying to snoop and feeding into their insecurities.

Folks who keep the mistrust dial always set to “on” will eventually vindicate themselves (at least in their minds) because of the law of averages and human nature someone will eventually do or have something suspicious to justify their attitude of mistrust. It’s just easier for them to be an X-filer (i.e., trust no one) than to give any benefit of the doubt until the doubt is erased.