Hmm… Does she watch any judge shows? LOL I’m just sayin, when it comes to “lending” money to a girlfriend or boyfriend you have to distinguish between gifts and loans. And if they are loans there needs to be a contract of some sort. You bring money up when it becomes an issue, in this case it is an issue… Who was providing for him before she started dating him?
I think she can handle this by telling him, “Hey I’m really feeling you but when it comes to my finances I’m about business and I hope you can respect that.” I don’t think you should disclose how much money you do or do not have when you’re dating. And yes this definitely alters the dynamics in the relationship.

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It may be too late for this relationship, she should have never gone down that path. I don’t disclose my income or my financial situation beyond what types of dates I am willing to finance to anyone until we are far down the road into a relationship… Sure you want to help the person you think you may love, but you have to resist the urge to go farther than you should too soon.

I have something new for you guys… click here http://fcinf.com/v/bkbr to help me measure how many people I can reach via the internet that’s all you have to do… then you can read about the project and determine if you want to participate.

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@Wise what happen to yesterdays’ topic? I dont see it. Thanks

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boy these women have really flipped the double standards around on us guys. they want equality; they got it. they want good jobs; they got them. they want to wear the pants in the relationship; they got it. but don’t ask them to hold up their end of the bargain that comes with all this power and responsibility. they don’t want the bad stuff that men have been putting up with from women since the beginning of time, just the good stuff.

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…you should not be loaning money to anyone unless it is a pure business relationship. Be like Mike – just say NO!

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That is her fault, she from the story that is posted she knew his bank account was not up to par when she started dating him. Now it’s an issue all of a sudden? She should have never compromised from the start. Has her standard changed from when she first started dating him? Was she lonely and sacrificed her standards just to have a man and now she has realized that this man is not up to one of her standards? Better to be lonely than with the a person in which you saw a “flaw” (in your mind) from the start. LOL, silly lady you dug your own grave by even entering a relationship with a guy of which whom is not meeting your financial needs for HIMSELF. LOL

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dude should kick rocks. in some kicks he bought himself.

So true.

I think she got caught up with trying to prove she’s NOT a gold digger; trying to prove she can date a ‘good man’ that doesn’t make a bunch of money. Been there, done that…

Unfortunately I think that if she starts saying no now, he’s going to flip the script on her and try to make her feel like she’s not ‘ride or die.’

Yes, it is a bad idea to lend money to someone in a dating relationship. I don’t think it should be done by either sex, so stop with all the double standard BS.

I don’t believe in disclosing the amount of money I’m making early in a relationship. But if someone flat out asks, I tell them.

I think money should be brought up when needed. It varies in a relationship. It might come up when you decide to do something expensive together like go on vacation. Or it might not come up until you become exclusive and you start talking about building a life together.

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Money is an issue for her if she thinks it is, and she evidently already thinks it is, so there you are.

You don’t loan money to SOs or family members; you give it to them, and if they give some back, fine. If you can’t give it freely, don’t give it at all, and don’t call it a loan. That goes for men and women alike.

If someone you’re newly dating asks you how much money you make and you don’t want to tell them, that in itself tells you that money could very well be a problem between you and that person — whether you don’t want to tell them because it’s more or less than you think they make, or whether you think they’re asking as part of a qualification quiz — and whether you’re male or female.

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Hi,

I don’t think people should bring up money until they are either getting married or going to live together. Prior to that it should be a combined effort paying for things. I you enjoy things that cost a lot of money and care about the person why are you keeping a box of reciepts?

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theres a difference between i cant do all the expensive things you may wanna do and i need you to help me support myself. how was he handling all this stuff b4 she came along?
@PR – she knew his bank account was not up to par when she started dating him – maybe so, doesnt mean tho that at some point he isnt just taking advantage.
oh, and melo did not deliver your message yesterday, lol
@Dreams – lol. that is true tho. suga mama wouldnt expect the money back, just some suga ,lol
@Lurks – Nothing more sexy than a man doing what he got to do to make it. Nothing more trifling than a man sitting on his hands and allowing the women to do it. ^5

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Yes, that is one sure way to end a relationship QUICKLY…start loaning money out. You can’t help but to have less respect for them- especially if you’re not in a position to loan in out in the first place.

I can see if you were dating and then suddenly he/she lost his job and needs a little help or the car breaks down, or an unexpected emergency happens and a little financial cushion may be needed. Then MAYBE you might get a pass….but to loan money just for the sake of loaning it unecessarily? He/She will definitely be back to ask you again, since you were so easily willing to part with the cash. This is never a win-win situation.

Nah…cain’t do it…I just CAIN’T!

As granny used to say, “Never let your right hand know what your left hand is doing”.

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Here’s my take: In today’s economy, more women than men are bringing in the bucks and jobs are still very difficult to come by. However, how long have these two been dating? Are they living together? Where do they see this going? These are questions that must be answered before money should be exchanged or given. And frankly, she needs to say something. Resenting someone is only the fault of the person doing the resenting. She has a choice: she can speak up and say that she’s uncomfortable, or she can chose to keep letting herself feel used. If she can’t talk with him about this due to lack of comfort or something, then this relationship isn’t worth keeping. But think about it–He may have no clue as to how she feels! Or, what if he’s got a brilliant idea, business plan, etc, and needs that loan money to show her that he’s on the verge of something great? We always have to try to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes before making up our minds. She just needs to speak up and be honest; tell him that she’s feeling used and that she cares for him and doesn’t want to resent him. Ask him if he has any plans for making more money. And if they’re living together, she may have to realize that she has to boot him out (maybe get a roommate if need be) for the time being. (This doesn’t mean break up, but rather get out of each other’s hair.) It stinks, but I think it could help.

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Why would you disclose the amount of money you earn to somebody you just started dating? There are many, many other things that are more important, like learning about the person’s character. You can usually guesstimate what somebody’s income looks like based on the type of work they do. I’m always wary of somebody who drives too nice of a car, or who has too much stuff based on the work. It smells to me like somebody with a lot of debt and not very fiscally responsible.

If the relationship is becoming serious, then yes of course you have to talk about money. If I’m considering marriage, I want to see a credit report (and you can see mine), and whatever money you have in the bank, 401K, etc. It’s basic due diligence so I know what I’m stepping into.

As for Sugar Mama, if she’s feeling put upon, she needs to stop lending dude money and TALK TO HIM about it.

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“Should you disclose the amount of money you are making to someone you have just started dating?

When do you bring up money?”

Good day. I absolutely think you should NOT disclose your earnings to someone you are dating. Dating is not a legally binding agreement at all. You are working, I am working, lets leave it at that. Why do we need to disclose figures? If I am not on the street, know that I am good. You never bring up money unless you guys are serious and moving to the marriage level. If he is able to take you out and keep his lights on, what is it to you then?

Reasons guys should not reveal earnings:

1. You don’t want to turn into a Captain save a ______! Take off your cape!
If she was making it before you came along, what changes now?
We aren’t here to be sponsors!

2. The dynamics may change either way and not in your favor. If you make a lot, then she may want to start getting in your pockets. If you don’t make a lot, she will subconsciously lose respect for you and may end up leaving anyway, EVEN if she says the money does not matter. Trust me it does!

3. It can put you in a dangerous situation. What if things grow sour and she gains contempt for you and gets you set up and robbed? It can happen! She knows your business!

Reasons women should not reveal earnings:

1. It will make you look like you are ready to spend. Why are you revealing your earnings? I know you want to look independent but you don’t have to tell your business.

2. It could also scare off the guy in the relationship if he makes less. You may chip at his self esteem.

3. It could cause conflict when your dollars are up and his are down. You going on another vacation? Getting this or that? Static!

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Wait – she might be the one trying to floss in front her friends, dressing dude up like a ken doll, I’m sure it’s not all him. The story does not sound like a relationship built on mutal respect and someone just needing a little help. It sounds like she is trying to make someone fit into her lifestyle.

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@Apollonia – it sounds to me too like she is trying to show him off or revamp him, as PR said “helper captain save him”. maybe hes more of a project than a date and she’s ready to put him in the garage and find a new hobby? thats why now the spending is bothering her when it wasnt b4
@PR – how she expects him to pay it back, good question. i agree both at fault here. with her vacations and all she has led him to beleive this is how their relationship is, he asks or looks longingly at and she pays. but again, at some point, isnt he just taking advantage?

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I’m not dating anybody who can’t handle their own financially. And don’t ever come to me with the “I got a buisness idea” line. If you do, go to a bank and get a loan. I’m not an ATM. Been there, done that. Makes one lose all respect for the dude. You need some money? 1. Get a job. Even a crappy job is better than no job. 2. Get your hustle on. Do what you need to do.

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Purple Rain, it’s a sad shame when money is place on a higher platform than our body. If she knew the guy made significantly less money than she did, why even go there with him in the first place??

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I never felt that I needed to hide my income from people. While it’s among the top 10%, I saw no risk of becoming some chick’s financial savior based on my income alone. I always thought it was very telling that they would ask. I never ask anyone about their income, no matter who they are. It never leads to a positive result: the one who makes more will feel a bit awkward about it due to the one who makes less feeling a bit resentful about it. Nobody is ever okay with the answers, so I never ask — but if someone asks me (and we’re not at work or co-workers) then generally, I’ll just tell them.

Short version: asking somebody how much they make is a clod’s move. Polite people don’t ask. Impolite people and clods are removed from dating potential.

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@Grace – good point. gota wonder about a womans priorities if the naughty is a no brainer, and a loan makes her think twice.
@PR – i was wondering who all these folks were too. figured being fairly knew myslf i just needed to catch up, lol
message, from yestereday our convo about eligibility to vote. will admit, your statement caught me off guard, but you make good jokes, so you cant be all bad, lol

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@DreamsMaterialize: Exactly.

I feel like we don’t have all of the facts here. We’re only seeing one side! And, really, ladies? I get the feeling that a lot of you would still expect the man to take care of the two of you even if he were in a lesser financial position. Or you wouldn’t even look twice at someone if he makes less than a certain figure. Is this why women claim that they can’t find any good men? What year are we living in? Times have changed. Men supported women for so long (I know, I know–not really in our control), don’t you think that maybe it’s now our turn to help out? Or are we still in a 1950’s mindset…

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@Dreams Depends on what the expected exchange is. What does he really want from me?

Now you know we’re going to get into the ‘double standard’ discussion, but at the end of the day, men have historically been the providers, most men WANT to be the providers, and expecting ‘equality’ in financial matters doesn’t really work out in the real world. A woman carrying a man long term creates problems, probably because he feels badly about it, no matter how much he says otherwise. She will resent it too.

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but know full well that there maybe many many many times you will be footing the bill alone, if you have a problem with it then simply don’t date em.
Then guys would almost never date. lol

Dreams I would go on the trip.
So, it shouldn’t be a problem that the guy in Wise’s story went right?

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@Dreams – id go. i was up front about what i can afford, you made your decision. lets go. but theres a difference between he invites you knowing your financial constraints, and me asking/telling him to take me to the Mediteranean (is that spelld right? lol). one im accepting a generous offer, two im jus ttaking advantage. if she had offered the loan rather than him asking, i think most women would see a difference.
also, would not allow him to get extra “payment for it”. i think most women feel that pressure when dealing with men, the reason Sexy mentioned there being different connotations depending on who was carrying who. if we werent on that level b4 the vaca, dont think now cause you footed the bill we’ve made that leap.

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blue, LOL no problem I have said it all on here before. Did some time, got out got a degree and live a better life spiritually,mentally and financially than most who have never face any adversity…so what is their excuse? LOL

I did not know how much money my wife made until a few weeks after we got married, I never cared to ask. Money is not an issue as my job pays me really well, my wife knows I would not care if she worked or not. When we go out sometimes she stops me from paying and pays herself. We both like to shop for clothes and jewelry, and sometimes when we have been out and the total is up there she just pays I pay the major bills, she does the minor, we both contribute to savings. What is mine is hers and I really believe what is hers is mine. Never been faced with a financial issue as of yet, if it were to come up I do not think that we would look down on each other.One day I just asked her how much is her salary and come to find out she makes more than me. Nothing changed, just in my mind I had an extra level of comfort because I know her spending and saving habits. Not the amount just the habits and her as a person. And she is mine all mine. LOL

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Should you disclose the amount of money you are making to someone you have just started dating? Two words: HELL NO!

And, how long has this been a NEW boyfriend. Less than 6 months? Less than 3 months. Buying clothes, paid for vacation, etc. He’s a moocher who happens to need financial help and she’s there for him. She probably feels for him more than he feels for her.

@WD – is there a significant age gap?

Good morning everyone! I just laughed so hard I literally spit on my keyboard over an email about a poster and a cat! I was in a little funk, but this email pulled me right out! Hip Hip Cheerio…..

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Nothing more sexy than a man doing what he got to do to make it. Nothing more trifling than a man sitting on his hands and allowing the women to do it

well spoken!

Hey ya’ll!

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Why would a man ask a woman for money that he has just started a new relationship with?!!! Why would he even be comfortable accepting money from her?!!!! That’s why some men today are like Tyrese from the movie baby boy!!!!!! Girl I would not give him ISH!!!! I been down that road. That’s not your problem that he makes less money than you. YOU have to make the CHOICE to Fugg with that or NOT! Because later on TRUST it will BE and ISSUE! Most men I have dated made less than I, some felt all to comfortable accepting my dough and asking for loans that they NEVER paid back!!!! Then I had the dudes that felt some type of way accepting my dough. Point is know what you want! This situation could result in you feeling neglected and you will begin to resent the situation. Just sayin!

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You don’t loan money to SOs or family members; you give it to them, and if they give some back, fine. If you can’t give it freely, don’t give it at all, and don’t call it a loan

I had a teacher who always said if you can’t afford to lose it don’t loan it.

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@beentherestillhere ~ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

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@PR – whats the degree? will admit, the whole higher learning thing i find interesting, but just cant seem to commit to degree level time, lol.
@Cindy – agreed, times have changed. expecting/demanding that he take care of you seems just unrealistic, selfish, and where is your own self respect to take care of yourself.
now dont get me wrong, do expect you to maintain a decent financial stature, both to actually do what you need to do and to have an ambition to get past whatever is keeping back. but understand there are issues – sudden unemployment, illness, things like that. the military sent mr.blue home with some lovely parting gifts that have limited his employment abilities. for me, that doesnt mean that now hes unworthy cause he cant meet me halfway, its just time for me to pick up the load for a bit, because as PR said “What is mine is hers and I really believe what is hers is mine”

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What’s mine is hers and what’s hers is hers. The last thing I’d ever do is let a woman support me. Man, that would be hard! I’d rather live under a bridge in a cardboard box.

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If you encounter an unemployed man who has an interest in you that lost his as a result of the recession, would you give him consideration assuming he basically met your other first glance criteria?

CoolShadow
I would have to think long and hard about that one, simply because I’ve learned that a man who is worth his weight is not confident when he does not have the means to provide.

I hope that makes sense.

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PR, we don’t know if he asked her or not. He could have put a guilt trip on her where she felt she should buy the clothes….moocher!

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blue,B.S. in Mechanical Engineering

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They will be arguing about money very soon if they aren’t already.

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Leggs, exactly we don’t know so why do you think he is the guilty party? The guy was working doing his thing and she started doing the extra spending. If he did not have a job I would think he was a moocher. I think she is trying to “upgrade” him to her standards and now has seen the error of her ways or she has met some other guy who has more money and is trying to get with her and she is looking for a reason to leave the blue collar guy alone. She is simple and very dumb, IMO because she DUG her own grave, even if he did ask she should have been woman enough to say “NO” if she felt she could not tell him “NO” and had to spend on him she is even more dumb and she has a long road ahead.

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Save before you spend, have a minimum of 3 years worth of bills saved up. It is not that hard to do, IMO. Base everything off of one income, do not give what you can not stand to lose to anyone and always have a backup plan, keep your resume updated.

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simply because I’ve learned that a man who is worth his weight is not confident when he does not have the means to provide.

Princess – I’ve learned this too.

I cannot respect a man that is too “comfortable” in a situation such as Wise’s friend. Just as I’m so not comfortable if it were me and the situation were reversed. Unless it’s a bday or Christmas gift or we were married, I’m not comfortable with a guy buying me clothes like he’s gotta take me “back to school” shopping or something!LOL! I’m a grown woman and can buy my own clothes. If I’m broke but need an interview suit or a dress for a special occasion, I know how to hustle, find bargains, go to consignment shops.

It’s a pride thing and maybe my pride is to my detriment, I don’t know. But borrowing from my man is the absolute last resort. Just recently I had some unexpected expenses come up at home. I’ve been bringing my lunch and hustling the last month and I’m finally out of the woods. Although I know my man would help me, I’ve taken care of it on my own. I expect any MAN I deal with to be the same way.

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If I am dating you, I am not buying you a car, I am not paying your bills. I may buy you some groceries if we are at the point when we are intimate, I will even keep your car washed and grass cut. But if you open your mouth to “ask” me for some money, I will start to end the dating. If I get you “gifts” those are just gifts, I expect nothing back from her.

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kimmie,

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If I get you “gifts” those are just gifts, I expect nothing back from her

Carlito, that’s how I feel also.

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@Grace…she gave him money and bought him clothes coz the johnson was daaaamn good!

No woman buys a man clothes unless they are getting flipped right and their brains are in a maze.

@Dreams…yeah,she aint a sugar mama at all. Shes just an average woman whose man is handling hiz damn bizz in the bed. Thats standard behavior there from a woman who has (hopefully) temporarily,lost her daamn mind.

Morning folks!

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Grace, yes a Hot Wheels Car that is on sale at Target for $0.99

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Purple will it be rolling on dubs??

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She has tasted a new johnson with cash benefits and needs to get rid of the old johnson that she has been spending on. LOL

The same thing you did to get a person will be the same thing you have to do to keep them. LOL

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Grace, it will have all of the accessories that is included in the $0.99 price. LOL

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Good Morning Everybody!

It is hot out here,yes it tis.

I agree with most of the comments oh girl either has done this before or he hit it real good. Men should always be prepared financially when dating. If you are not prepared spend time trying to get prepared. Try to build up reserves for bills and dating.

Mr. PurpleRain why in all your post you got to have sex with the lady first before you give something to her? If she does not give you sex on the first or 2 date will you not pay for the date?

Kimmie sweet beautiful sista, it is o.k. to allow your so to assist you sometimes. See, I would pay close attention to what you might need, I can assist your stubborn self. I know you have a lot of pride but because I believe you would give me some much it would be my pleasure to put a smile on your beautiful face.

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The Beyonce song “Upgrade You”, it was cool to upgrade a guy when it was out. LOL But before that she had a song about a guy paying her Bills Bills Bills. LOL

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Mr Elijah, because I do not have sex right off of the bat, dating is dating and that involves many women, relationships are different than dating IMO. I have been known to wait a long time and I did say that I give “gifts” and expect nothing in return. It’s just how you read it.

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@pr ~ not only do I think he’s the guilty party, but I also think she’s guilty as well. She’s having misgivings about all she’s done, so she’s the fool. If you’re uncomfortable helping out your SO, then don’t do it. Also, being uncomfortable lends me to think they’re not a match for each other anyway.

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But before that she had a song about a guy paying her Bills Bills Bills.

Carlito

If you listent to the words of that song, she is only asking him to pay the bills HE ran up

…now you been maxing out my cards, giving me bad credit buying me gifts with my own ends..haven’t paid the first bill but ya steady heading to the mall….and then you use my cell phone, calling whoever that you thinks at home…

I’m just saying

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seems to me its time for one of those “tough conversations”……be interesting to see if he avoids it……..

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Look at the obvious – living situation – home, apartment, living with roommates or family. Type & age of car driven or are they riding Marta. Expensive or bargain clothing and jewelry. Neighborhood they live in, fancy tv’s and furniture, college degree or GED, type of job they have. Do they eat out often or live on ramen noodles? What type of dates do they suggest? Concerts at Chastain and dinners at Bones or matinee movies and coffee?

Some people can “front” a lifestyle thus it might take a minute to figure that out, especially if you have a life and engage in other activities without them and they’re not always around. If they’re sustaining said lifestyle via credit and then start looking to you for support, it’s time to jet.

Conversely, there are people who have resources but choose to live a conservative lifestyle as it relates to materialism. A man/woman living with family at first glance may possibly be a turnoff until you discover that they moved in to help support a parent or family with hardships, not because of an inability to be self-sustaining.

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@Princess – lmao, exactly.
their my bills cause i was the one with the good credit to get the card, phone whatever, and now your running em all up. i dont know a ray-ray jones in pheonix, and i sure as he!! aint call him! i dont shop at big ‘n tall, so this shyt has got to be yours! wasnt asking for support, was asking u to cover your shyt.
2 different things.

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Regarding family support, I’ve told my parents and hers that when the time comes they’re welcome at our house, but we aren’t moving into their place. Sorry, they’ll just have to clear out of the old homestead and deal with our world. Kind of a role reversal when contrasted with our childhoods. I have some friends that have moved back to their parents’ homes though, in order to take better care of them. It’s a sacrifice, but is the correct thing to do.

Lord knows when that time comes for me, I seriously doubt my own kids will step up! I hope it doesn’t come to that.

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@PR ~ Tyrone and his friends would do that.

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I see nothing wrong with buying a shirt or two as gifts around birthdays or holidays like Christmas. If she is talking about just going out buying the man clothes because he needs them, I don’t know about that. He wasn’t naked when she met him. I buy my boyfriend shirts on his birthday. Of course when we first started dating, he offerred me money that I was afraid to take because I hadn’t started sleeping with him and was trying to hold out until marriage. I think a loan isn’t that big of a deal. If my man wanted to borrow two hundred dollars, I would lend it to him in a minute. He has borrowed and paid me back. The key was I started borrowing first or he asked me to borrow instead of getting money from these check cashing folks. We make almost the same. I think I make a few hundred dollars more per week than he does but you wouldn’t know it. He manages his money much better than me and has a 19 year-old to take care of who just graduated from high school. I plan on making more in the future and he does too. I think you can tell if someone is trying to drain you or if they are committed to you and just needs some help.

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So what you all are saying is that women let guys ruin their credit by giving them access to their credit cards and bank accounts. LOL, that’s stupid.

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So what you all are saying is that women let guys ruin their credit by giving them access to their credit cards and bank accounts

Carlito

Correction SOME WOMEN

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It seems to me that if a woman’s credit and bank balances get trashed by a man who either steals her cards, phone, etc. or one to whom she provides these things willingly, then she shows a serious lack of judgment and discernment. The man is a scumbag loser, for sure, but failure to recognize him as such is almost as big a failing.

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Blue

yesssssssssss!

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The man is a scumbag loser, for sure, but failure to recognize him as such is almost as big a failing.

@ abc, i agree, at some point those type of issues cannot be chalked up to “youth”, you a grown @zz man/woman know your worth.

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Cool Shadow – Another thing I’m afraid of is someone that might be financing a lifestyle illegally. I’ve actually come across that a few times and once I got whiff of it had noting more to do with them. They weren’t living off any credit at all, but where you keep getting those big STACKS of money? Are you stealing, selling drugs, embezzeling, etc?

So I’m really not impressed with all your fancy possessions unless I’m reasonably sure you came about them honorably.

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So I’m really not impressed with all your fancy possessions unless I’m reasonably sure you came about them honorably.

Kimmie

AMEN! Not to mention that fast money mentality is a doozie to deal with.

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Apollonia – Not only appreciating my man, but appreciating our “partnership”. There is respect and no one is trying to take advantage of the other. So when one is truly in need of help, we got each other covered.

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this conversation has really got me really appreciating my man right now

Apollonia??

coz u drowing in his mula,sponging off his money??

most women luv to spend men money.

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What the hell is wrong with American women? They eat all day and a lot of them are as stout as linebackers. What is so attractive about a woman with 30″ thighs?
—
The heffer must not be his equal that is why she needs to do whatever he asks to retain the man. She dated way beyond her league.

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@PR – shes making the decision, in teh song anyway, “get the @#$% out”, lol
@kimmmie – good point. dont need presents from you, only to be arrested for receiving stolen goods.

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America is getting fatter no matter the gender. Old Roy and Karen on the AJC front page this morning (actual paper, that is) look like a couple of oinkers. Great leadership — double and triple sized candidates is almost like getting 2 for the price of 1.

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blue, she should have caught it before it got out of hand. How can a man spot a gold digger so quickly then just relegate her to “sex only” for a fee but yet a woman misses out on a gold digging man and still falls in love then has to fall out of love. LOL, us men have this being used thing down to a science. HEY!! Is that my horse coming this way? LOL

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coz u drowing in his mula,sponging off his money??

No, because like Kimmie said, “appreciating our “partnership”. There is respect and no one is trying to take advantage of the other. So when one is truly in need of help, we got each other covered

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yet a woman misses out on a gold digging man and still falls in love then has to fall out of love.

Purple – A lot of people “play” blind to the obvious. That’s what happens when you compromise too much of yourself just to have a man, any piece of a man. Yeah, she’s got a “man” alright. She knew up front what she was getting into but now it’s “awkward”. It would have awkward from jump to me. That’s why I have a major problem respecting a man who would feel comfortable in that kind of situation.

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@PrincessNik ~ if the woman gives her boyfried her credit card and her cellphone, he didn’t ruin her credit, SHE DID!

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SCool – Your 11:54 – wonder if we know the same people?!LOL!!

I know what you mean, and I’m not getting caught in the crossfire!

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Grace – Priceless? To some maybe, to others maybe not. Hopefully the two folks getting it on are both on the same page with that one…but if (by chance) it’s saved for bidding, then the value becomes clear…it’s worth whatever the income (status and other attributes) of the guy the woman is having sex with. Sex as a commodity may no longer be a good look for women…if it ever was.

I wish I had time to read the blog today.

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Afternoon all,

Neither a borrower nor a lender be..In a relationship. I am not sure if y’all still on topic but
I think ole girl set herself up. Like I said the other day…you finish how you start.
You start out giving presents and gifts you have to keep it up. No need to act brand new now.
She knew the deal going in.

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so why do so many of you now act as if she has thrown off the balance, shes the problem?

blue-7/30 ??

thrown off balance how…..??

in that scenario,either the man has low self esteem broght about by his stuation or he does not and recognizes the value an support of his girlfriend/wife and keeps on plugging along untill his situation is resolved.

what is ur qstion blue-7/30 ??

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blue, that is a cartoon. He was an old man and had not other options but a gold digger, that was a cartoon. LOL . I can’t answer your other question, I have never been in that situation and if I hit a bad spell, I can always move back and work on the farm and make money.

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abc, some women tend to hold things forever. LOL, if I started to struggle I think my pride would prevent me from asking for help even though I know she would. I would just do something to handle business no matter the sacrifice rather than ask for help from my wife. LOL

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Cool Shadow’s 10:13

Absolutely. Given the fact though, him being a good man and all and just down and out due to the recession will resonate. If he’s a bum, the bum will come through. If he’s a good man fallen on hard times, that won’t change his character….he’ll be resourceful and too prideful (still with no job) to bum off you. You’ll know if he’s truly down and out or if he’s perpitrating and just an undercover bum.

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Let alone make a wrong turn and she knew you missed the turn and always bringing it up…..can’t imagine “asking” for money. LOL

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from my 12:19….we’ll be dating and doing crafty, thoughtful things. All events calling for money will simple have to wait. He can come over and cook, we can do walks in the parks, I’ll help with his resume but nothing involving cash or spending will come up.

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blue, and I am saying most men know what it is and do not mind it. In some men’s mind we are paying regardless if it is a hooker picked up from the corner that we are paying for the hours we are with her or if its a girlfriend, wife, FWB we are paying. SO some men have accepted the fact that there are a few things that are certain in life. Death, taxes and a woman is going to cost you money somewhere along the line. Yep, that is my horse, move your little pony. LOL

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Hookers and wives the same? Did I miss something in these post?

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Kym, LOL sweet Ebony Brown. blue, did you see that episode?

I believe after a certain age, 80 years old+ it is better for a man to have a hooker rather than wife a hooker. Oh heck it doesn’t matter as long as the viagra is kicking in, because death will soon be knocking. LOL

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Can we get this bottled?

ABC – Yeah man. I’d cut off my arm and sell it if that’d keep me from being in a position of being financially beholden to a woman.

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PR – dont think so, what was that one?

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Silm, I need you to be my wife or hooker. Give me your credit cards and cell phone along with access to your bank accounts. I need you to buy me gifts and pay for our vacation. This is not a reflection on you because you are perfectly sane. It is just me. LOL

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do you men not talk to your boys/closest relative about your woman and/or relationship?

@blue-7/30??

to my guy friends,all u women are the same..that is the extend that we talk..nothing specifics about whats going on tween the two of us…

to my mum.sisters or brothers..NO…the moment i tell them whats going on and thats negative on ur(my woman) part ,they take it as gospel and in their mind,my woman is this that and the other..even after we have resolved our differences..so thats a No..Never!

the only person(s) that I could tell whats bothering me and proly str8 up is my Dad( coz like me,he regards women as the same and wld give me advice thats str8 coz he dealt with my mum too) and or my or ur close auntie(dad’s sister) or ur auntie that ur close to/ with and is more of a parent_teacher kinda with u(not ur mummy).

My dad wld never hold what i told him about u negatively if hes a real dad.

siblings and friends are a no go as far as ur issues tween u and wife are concerned…

Ur buddies can easily become ur enemies too so u have to be careful, what u tell them..always!

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What if the man had been the one treating his SO to shopping sprees, expensive excursions and five-star hotels, and decided to ask her for money and/or assistance? Could it be a test or an actual need…do men try to gauge whether a woman is interested in them (by helping) or just what they have to offer at the time?

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I don’t thing the guy is a moocher…he WORKS. I just think, because he makes significantly less, he can’t afford the lifestyle that she wants them to have.

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Prain – and what would I be getting out of the deal again?…some bangin dizzle?

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Slim, that’s all I have to offer. LOL

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With their lips still locked, Billie somehow managed to find her keys and open her apartment door. They stumbled onto the couch, passionately tearing off each other’s clothes as they went. Jay laid down on top of her, covering her soft, curvy body with his strong, lean one. He slipped his hand between her thighs and felt her grow wet beneath his fingers. He ran his tongue along her body and flicked it inside of her. She uttered a low groan. Boldly she grabbed his face and pushed him into her most sensitive spots. Jay continued to run his tongue against her until Billie couldn’t stand it anymore. “Take me now, Jay,” she panted desperately. Jay pressed his chest against her heaving breasts. Billie gasped as he slid just the top of himself into her. Then, he sunk in deeper and deeper until her body ached with anticipation.

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PP – well I regret to inform you that we are not currently accepting any New Dizzle applicates right now. However, we will keep your submission on file for the next 30 days.

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Slim, but you can write a song or book about us not making it. LOL

Dreams, give me two of those and put it on Slim’s tab.

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Hello All. (forgive me for not following protocol) How rude of me to enter your blog w/o acknowledging this dynamic bunch!

Back on topic:
Do you think it’s harder for the wealthy or those less fortunate to find mates?

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IDK

I would say the wealthy, because if they are known to be wealthy, they probably have a hard time determining if the person is there for the love or for the money.

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Desk lunch…

Great convo so far. I’m all late but…

Dreams – I would let him pay if we were serious.

Kimmie – Yeah, things are not always what they seem. A guy could be living above means on the family dime. I don’t count family money as his. It usually counts against a guy when you can tell that the guy is including unearned income and spending as such. Granted he may likely have more than average later (better opportunities/resources for future earns) or easy access to family funds, but spending beyond what you see in the moment is a character trait that’s usually flagged.

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Could someone tell me why women are so quick to turn their heads (and look down) on a man that makes less or doesn’t have a job, but will put up with a wealthy man that may take their love for granted? We know the former will probably make her look like a *Sugar Mama* to the outside world (esp. friends/family), even though the man may have their best interest at heart, prepares meals, treats her like a queen, and puts it down in the bed (that’s for u, Melo) while looking for employment and hustling on the side. And the latter can surely supply all of her needs til the well runs dry or he decides to move on to a younger version…lol

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Because, IDK, a woman’s strongest need is for security, and financial security trumps emotional security from a practical point of view.

Conversely, when a man is given a choice of a women, one wealthy and one not, he’ll most likely choose the one with the biggest t1ts!

Human nature, gotta love it.

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Could someone tell me why women are so quick to turn their heads (and look down) on a man that makes less or doesn’t have a job

@IDK

becoz diamonds(or the appearance of them) are a woman’s best friend.

A man with diamonds and puts it down in bed = PRICELESS(man to die for) to a woman

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We know the former will probably make her look like a *Sugar Mama* to the outside world (esp. friends/family),

IDK – This is key in your post. A real woman don’t give a ish about what others are saying. I know I don’t, but I will acknowledge it took some growth and maturity to get here. In any case, unless one of those “family/friends” is paying my bills, they don’t have any say cause I’m grown.

Plus, I don’t care how nice dude is or how helpful, if he has no ambition or hustle to pull himself out of his unemployed or low-pay position, is a slacker, how can anybody look at him with any respect? If he’s out there busting his hump and trying but just hasn’t caught a break, then bump whomever looks down on him. Anybody could find themselves in the same situation.

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do any WASP’s write on these blogs?

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Leggs

If we work together, fine. If I see him continually eyeing my purse, we have a problem.

^5

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Awwww poor girl…… Welcome to world of what it’s like for some guys, cry me a freaking river.

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What it do princessNik? Do I need to come over and cut you grass?….

LURKER

Funny you should mention that the grass really does need cutting, What kind of tea do you like

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Reading is fundamental

If he’s out there busting his hump and trying but just hasn’t caught a break, then bump whomever looks down on him. Anybody could find themselves in the same situation.

Does that sound like judging? Don’t think so, but hey, whatever.

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WASP – White Anglo-Saxon Protestant

wow

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@Princess – u wowing me, am i that behind the times, lol

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@blue ~ Wet Wednesday is akin to Freaky Friday.

[S]he’s merely trying to jump start a freaky convo. Melo didn’t even bite!

@PrincessNik ~ you have never heard of a WASP? How about a BAP?

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Now, yall are saying you didn’t know that acronym, really?! No offense, but that’s worth a ‘wow’. How about yuppie or buppie — Young Urban Professional, Black Urban Professional? Still in use, although origin is about 20-30 years ago. I’d say there’s a few on the blog.

Kinda cracks me up when people say ‘Suburban Yuppies’. Like, what? Oh yeah, sure. Just because it roughly resembles ‘hippie’. As in, ‘one who is hip’, a hipster in 1940’s parlance. Pretty stupid acronyms all the way ’round, really, when you think about it.

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@BLue it does sound judgemental because a person excepts their low paying job people will look down on them! Who gave anyone the right to look down on a man/person/woman because he is content with his low paying job?

Because what is the difference in you mind between a person who is a slacker and does not want a better paying job or a person who is content with their low paying job? What is the difference? YESSS LURKER it’s time to put these women in their place TODAY….

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Why not date the guy who makes less and do things that fit both budgets? Like instead of taking expensive outings and trips..go places and do things both can afford. I mean one of my favorite authors is an attorney married to a plumber..wait that might be a bad comparison..cause plumbers can rake it in.

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@PrincessN/blue??

how about YMP??

u know what that means??

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..cause plumbers can rake it in.

@Kym??

so u think thats why the attorney married the plumber..the ability to rake it in??

wait..i hope we talking about raking in the same thing!

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@Leggs – BAP – have heard that to mean black angry person. me, nope, if i were angry more of a MAP – mixed angry person, if i were angry, lol

@Lurker/Leggs – i think the key word here is “content”. in my experience, folks who are content with those kinds of jobs are also the ones who are content being supported by other people, cannot manage their bills themselves or drama, ie. less than mature. and lets face it, most folks consider those types of jobs for teenagers.

if a grown person has one of those positions most of us would consider/hope it was transitional, not a career choice. its a job because minimum wage is better than nothing, and your trying to do what you need to do, but if you had a choice between flipping burgers and taking a position at a Fortune 500, youd take the latter.

and im pretty sure most women (good women anyway) would be alright with that. again, content is the key word.

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Lurker – Let me explain it for you. I was responding to IDK’s post – why a woman would look down on a guy that makes less or doesn’t have a job. By low pay I’m talking it does not begin to cover your bills. Not something you took to make ends meet until you can get something to support yourself. You are “content” with not being able to support yourself, much less anyone else. You are not trying to do better. If unemployed, you’re not trying to find a job. You are content laying around the house on someone else’s dime.

Sorry, but I have no respect for slackness. If you call that judging, so be it. But don’t take what I post out of context and put words in my mouth. Don’t judge me.

I’m not talking about people that are working in traditionally lower paying jobs, like teachers or cops, and are content. Some people don’t want to chase the dollar or climb the corporate ladder. I don’t – I’m content with what I have and so is my man. And neither of us is slacking.

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@Melo I am sure she married him because she loved him..not because of his occupation. But as plumber I am quite sure he is not going hungry.

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Why not date the guy who makes less and do things that fit both budgets?

Kym – That’s the perfect solution and one I eluded to earlier. That way, no one should feel “awkward”.

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blue – Your 3:03 – you explained it perfectly.

Most of the time I don’t respond to LURKER because he seems to have some weird facination with me. He often takes stuff I post and twist it into something that was not the intent, to put me down. He says I’m a princess and reside in Fantasyland. Don’t live in such a place, but I wear the crown proudly!

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But as plumber I am quite sure he is not going hungry.
Kym You got that right. I felt kinda violated anytime I had to call a plumber. “Well sir, it seems your clogged system is a result of tree roots that have grown through microfractures in your pipes. We’ll have to dig a trench from your home to the street, cut back the roots, remove the old pipe, and put a new one in. That’ll be $8000. Or we can just snake the pipes $1200, but the roots will keep growing back in the pipes and you’ll have to keep calling us out here at $1200 a pop.” I’m like WTF!

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@blue ~ some say in the Diva sense and others say it like I meant it…respectful.

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“She has already bought him clothes, paid for a vacation, and last week he asked her for a loan. It is making her feel like a “sugar mama” at this point. How does she handle this without ruining the relationship”

Well …um….she did but those things so it’s not wonder she feels that way. she’s a dummy

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typo: buy

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Slim, I do not like you anymore.

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@kimmie – lol, he did seem a bit, focused lets say. but hey, im new, still learning personalities
@kym – agreed, lets just stay within our means, unless theres a need to do something else, need not want (gotta make allowances for emergencies, right?)
@Leggs – thanks for the clarity and the compliment then, but i guess i’d be more of a MAP then, Mixed American Princess

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blue-7/30 – In some ways I see where you’re coming from, but if the examples were modified (less extreme), I may differ.

Sometimes it’s more about comfort of lifestyle…however that may be defined. If I had to choose between a guy who made an average income as an established business owner and owed nothing on his home and a guy on a high earning corporate track who is starting a mortgage…I may favor the business owner. Partly b/c I’m usually more attracted to entrepreneurs and partly because I would assume he’s a more financial safe bet, more available to his family, free spirited and resourceful.

There are scenarios that may fall in the favor of the lower earning guy.

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Dang good topic today. Hate I missed the fun.

If a man makes less than ME, he probably makes license plates as an inmate at the prison.

We’d just have to do free stuff. I ain’t never loaned money to a man and have never asked a man for money!

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If I had to choose between a guy who made an average income as an established business owner and owed nothing on his home and a guy on a high earning corporate track who is starting a mortgage…I may favor the business owner.

@Luvbug and blue?? in ur 2 way convo???

uall are in ur element, as females for sure!

Eye,eyeing the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ the men’s pockets!

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Amazon. how are you?

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Kym – 3:18 – Girl don’t sleep on the exterminator! The bug business is BIG and profitable. My real estate agent’s hubby started out with Orkin and a few years later started his own bug gig. He is often the only AA at those bug conventions and he does EXTREMELY well.

Dreams – I feel the same way you do about the plumber, A/C man, electrician…….. – they have skills that will always be in demand, practically recession-proof! You almost need to take out a second mortgage to pay them!

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Melo – Really?! The men’s pocket is my element?

Whatever LOL

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Men, does it matter how much money a woman makes?

Women, does it matter how much money a man makes?

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@Dreams..dude I am not sleeping on the blue collar guys at all. My daddy’s an electrician and have uncles and cousin who work construction, brick masons, mechanics, truck drivers..oh yeah and don’t forget my love of men in uniforms.

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The men’s pocket is my element?

@Luvbug??

NO…im liking how u females(u and blue) are making a determination based on what the men do,which equates to money..etc…(women being in ur element) and not what the men are in terms of their individual personalities.

sex and money=women

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@PurpleRain..As long as he is living within his means..its all to the good..I just don’t want foolishness.

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@Princess Kimmie….I get your point….My question still remain to many of you a good man who makes less then you will you still date him? Because he cannot take you on the Tom Joyner Morning cruise but he can take you to the ferry boat at Cobb’s waterpark….

@PrincessNik….E-mail me and LURKER will be there early in the morning cutting, trimming and edging for a glass of sweet tea…….

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Melo – In a broad stroke, I related what he would be like (a stereotypical guess) with what he did and how safe I would feel financially with how he spent his money. He could not own the home either, but I included it to show superior responsibility of maintaining his finances which may put him ahead of the other guy.

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kimmie they had me rethinking my career choice. lol Started thinking to myself “I could be a plumber.”

@Dreams..dude I am not sleeping on the blue collar guys at all.
Kym Yeah you seem to have your head on straight. Whatever the “collar”, I’m sure they’ll feel pretty lucky.

don’t forget my love of men in uniforms.Do slacks and a button-up (corporate uniform) count? lol

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@PR – i’ll admit a tad there. but cant have that, you know us light skinned people, we start to turn shades of pink and red when we get mad, then the beet jokes start flying, and it all goes downhill from there……..

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todays topic is about how somebody uses their money(decision making) not how u choose them for their money. LOL which 3.23 is.

Wow Melo. You complete missed the point if you thought it was about money.

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blue, it is funny how you get to know people over the internet. I read what you typed and was thinking, she is a bit perturbed. LOL

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Kym, I would like to be a stunt double until you find your man in uniform. I can eat ribs, play spades and watch football.

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I have something very important to say to the blog:

“Only you can prevent forest fires”

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@LURKER ~ in the example you’ve given, yes, I would date him. I will not date the man who makes less than me, is unhappy with the check he brings home, always sitting on the couch complaining there aren’t any better jobs out there but to afraid to actually find out if his analysis is true or not.

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LURKER – The man I’m seeing now can’t swing the Joyner morning cruise cause it costs 2k a person! But seriously, most of the guys I’ve dated in the past made less than me. It’s all relative and there are other factors to take into account. Like Luvbug mentioned, he could make much more than me but have a lot more debt and be a paycheck away from foreclosure or the street. I don’t make nearly what I should, but the only debt I have is my house. A similiar dude, even one who made a little less than me would be fine. I’m also attracted to intelligence, so I’ve never wanted to date a dumb jock, who makes way more but can’t carry an intelligent conversation. I know folks who make considerably less than me but manage it way better than I do and folks that earn triple what I do but are always having money issues. So stuff like debt owed, earning potential – those are factors.

If I had Oprah money I could date a Stedman – if that Stedman could support himself and got satisfaction from what he was doing and making a contribution to society.

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@Melo ~ it does. Perhaps it’s just my circle of friends. When we hear the word “mandingo,” we immediately think “hung heavy,” and “he knows how to stroke.” Sorry, perhaps it’s just us.

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Melo – He’s a nice guy that happened to be a lawyer, so yeah you are right.

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I wonder how much Stedman makes and what he does.

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When we hear the word “mandingo,” we immediately think “hung heavy,” and “he knows how to stroke.

@Leggs??–

U,ur friends and I need to hang out at Dugans more often!

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10 million a year, not bad Stedman

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Dang I’m in the wrong business! The INTERIM UGA Athletic Director is getting an extra 10K a month!

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@Purple Rain/Dreams – I’m good. Could be better. But good things keep happening for me, even when life throws me curveballs!

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blue, LOL

Amazon, can’t complain about good things happening. Good to read you.

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@melo – lol, there is that.

alrite, good people, play with yall tomorrow. nite nite!

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@melo – ok was leaving, and saw that , lol. gonna have to see later what the women respond, c just how much im in a class by myself. but will tell ya, the extra company will make a nite you’ll remember. ask mr.blue

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dont know about the paid part tho, not so much feeling the cash transaction lol. nite!

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@PR – told you i was complicated person . ask me tomorrow. buenos noches

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@lurker_1 ~ If you’re referring to what I think you are, I was just talking about it at lunch today. It’s a damn shame when they’ve been doing it since The Middle Passage!

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Who in their right mind would be envious of a blood clot???? Now, if you’re talking about the the “art” of acquiring one, that’s a different subject.

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Thanks Purple Rain. Thanks for asking. Good to read you too! Hope you and Julia are well!

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Naw, even the “art” of acquiring one isn’t grounds for envy.

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Now, if you’re talking about the the “art

@Leggs??

u making it complicated….that is like a broke man saying “dont say I am broke,understand how I got broke!”

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but will tell ya, the extra company will make a nite you’ll remember

@blue??

u may have to give me some heads up tmrw!

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@Luvbug??

but I want to bring some spark in our 15 yr union(sexually) without jeaopadizing the relationship

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There are other ways. Ask the married people. They know what to do.

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Melo – You the only blog guy that aint caught a blog lady on the side?? j/k

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Yes, Leggs CNN is currently playing the full unedited version of her speech. I’m sure they will have it on their website. It’ll be worth your time.

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@lurker_1 ~ thank you. The entire situation makes me cringe!!

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lurker_1??

the Obama admin needs to have a stronger back and not jelly backing all the damn time to the fox pple and the right wing machine…

this is the 4th time something like this has happened.

They must learn to say ‘Phlucck U” to them and mean it!

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can u fix some for me??

If you mean give suggestions (the only meaning I will honor), people who have experienced and come out successfully in your situation are best suited for that.

How I go from a money grabber to a fair minded and good hearted person?? I swear, guys will say anything to get in something. LOL

Besides, I aint one of the caught blog ladies.

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Nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out and paying for the date. Nothing wrong w/that at all!

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LURKER – See, I knew it. Your vetting Kimmie to make a big play for her in the future. Love licks. LOL

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Nothing wrong w/that at all
@Leggs??

and getting her cobs cleaned in the same nite?

her ride

her gas

her food money

her bed

her towels

her water

her ride back to his crib to unload him

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Melo, agree!!

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@Melo ~ there’s no soap on that list!

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Great quote…right on time (for me)

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