Help! I feel like a Sugar Mama
I received a question from a reader who has a little dating dilemma. Her new boyfriend makes significantly less money than she does. It did not seem to bother either of them in the beginning (most things don’t!) but as the relationship is progressing, things are becoming awkward.
She has already bought him clothes, paid for a vacation, and last week he asked her for a loan. It is making her feel like a “sugar mama” at this point. How does she handle this without ruining the relationship?
Is it a bad idea to lend money to the person you are dating? Do you think this type of thing alters the dynamics in how a man and woman relate to one another in a relationship?
Should you disclose the amount of money you are making to someone you have just started dating?
When do you bring up money?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
360 comments Add your comment
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
4:05 pm
Melo – He’s a nice guy that happened to be a lawyer, so yeah you are right.
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
4:05 pm
@melo – have you ever heard the phrase “dont poke the bear”? lol, im perturbed with you remember!
will say tho, sometimes folks have been giving me looks like ive been attacked by a vampire. but i figure hey, im married, whats your problem? they cant tell about the spankings tho
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:05 pm
I wonder how much Stedman makes and what he does.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:06 pm
Oprah is shopping a Publix, Stedman at Food Depot
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:07 pm
When we hear the word “mandingo,” we immediately think “hung heavy,” and “he knows how to stroke.
@Leggs??–
U,ur friends and I need to hang out at Dugans more often!
lurker_1
July 21st, 2010
4:08 pm
Sorry to jump in here off subject, but today I haven’t felt so low and angry since the day I was watching the news and those cops got off for beating the ish out of Rodney King. I think every black person, in this country, should be a little sick from what has occured in the last 48 hrs.
No response required.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:09 pm
10 million a year, not bad Stedman
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:10 pm
but i figure hey, im married, whats your problem?
@blue!
I hear that..i can imagine the looks from the single chics with no dudes……no dudes single chics are the most envious heffers…
squirming on their seats in their cubicles..!
envious of ur hickee
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
4:11 pm
Dang I’m in the wrong business! The INTERIM UGA Athletic Director is getting an extra 10K a month!
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:11 pm
lurker_1
u race baiting?
AmazonRed™
July 21st, 2010
4:12 pm
@Purple Rain/Dreams – I’m good. Could be better. But good things keep happening for me, even when life throws me curveballs!
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
4:14 pm
Oprah is shopping at Publix, Stedman at Food Depot
Purple you wrong for that!
But no, Oprah is shopping at Whole Foods. And she owns it. Several of them and throw in a few Publix for good measure! LOL!!
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:15 pm
blue, LOL
Amazon, can’t complain about good things happening.
Good to read you.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:15 pm
could it be such a bad idea if i paid a really good girl to come in and do a tripple with us??
i been feling this for a long time……
im thinking better that than cheat,right….
what uall think ladies…to keep my marriage intact
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
4:16 pm
@melo – lol, there is that.
alrite, good people, play with yall tomorrow. nite nite!
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:17 pm
kimmie, I wonder if Oprah feels like a Sugar Momma, I know that Stedman makes 10mil a year but, he just can’t spend like Oprah does. He makes less than here i am sure she owns the yachts, planes, house etc. I BET Oprah sent in today’s topic to Wise Diva. LOL or Demi Moore.
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
4:18 pm
@melo – ok was leaving, and saw that , lol. gonna have to see later what the women respond, c just how much im in a class by myself. but will tell ya, the extra company will make a nite you’ll remember. ask mr.blue
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:19 pm
blue, I was just about to get started with you.
bye. lol
melo, your wife is your wife mind body and soul, do not share her with anyone. Nothing wrong with letting another women watch though or you sharing yourself with the other woman….just don’t share your wife. LOL
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
4:19 pm
dont know about the paid part tho, not so much feeling the cash transaction lol. nite!
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:20 pm
blue, the more you blog the more comfortable you get. You and Mr blue had a 3some? Details please. lol
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
4:22 pm
@PR – told you i was complicated person
. ask me tomorrow. buenos noches
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:22 pm
melo, if you ask your wife and she does not agree, do you think that she would think that you are playing elsewhere because you broached the subject? And if she says yes, but her stipulation is the first time you add a woman then the second time you add a man. LOL, to many variables. LOL
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:22 pm
@lurker_1 ~ If you’re referring to what I think you are, I was just talking about it at lunch today. It’s a damn shame when they’ve been doing it since The Middle Passage!
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:23 pm
I like blue, she is spanktastic
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:24 pm
Who in their right mind would be envious of a blood clot???? Now, if you’re talking about the the “art” of acquiring one, that’s a different subject.
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
4:25 pm
dont know about the paid part tho, not so much feeling the cash transaction lol
Speaking of cash transaction, did any of you catch The Client List on Lifetime the other night? It was about this couple that was about to get foreclosed on. The husband got injured and lost his construction job and the wife was a physical therapist that lost her job too. She applied for this job that appeared to be for a massage therapist. The place ended up being a brothel! She turned it down at first, got desperate and accepted it and didn’t tell hubby. The money got real good to her. Hubby didn’t find out until he saw her on the evening news being led out in handcuffs – police raided the place! It was good!
AmazonRed™
July 21st, 2010
4:26 pm
Thanks Purple Rain. Thanks for asking. Good to read you too! Hope you and Julia are well!
DreamsMaterialize
July 21st, 2010
4:26 pm
I’m good. Could be better. But good things keep happening for me, even when life throws me curveballs!
ARed The curveballs are often the precursor (or even the catalyst) to the good things. Getting curveballs could even be a tribute to your character and fortitude. Some people couldn’t handle such adversity.
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:27 pm
Naw, even the “art” of acquiring one isn’t grounds for envy.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:27 pm
Leggs, you grossed me out until i figured out blood clot mean hickies.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:28 pm
Now, if you’re talking about the the “art
@Leggs??
u making it complicated….that is like a broke man saying “dont say I am broke,understand how I got broke!”
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
4:28 pm
Melo – Please don’t ask your wife that crap. If you didn’t state it in your vows, it’s off limits. LOL
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:29 pm
but will tell ya, the extra company will make a nite you’ll remember
@blue??
u may have to give me some heads up tmrw!
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:29 pm
Dagnabit, kimmie ~ I wanted to see that movie. Well, it’s Lifetime. It will be on again and again and again.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:31 pm
@Luvbug??
but I want to bring some spark in our 15 yr union(sexually) without jeaopadizing the relationship
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:31 pm
LOL, I’m not making it complicated. That’s what a hickie is, nothing more, nothing less…a blood clot! Passion mark my behind.
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
4:32 pm
There are other ways. Ask the married people. They know what to do.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
4:34 pm
Amazon, we are doing bette, thank you for asking.
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
4:34 pm
Melo – You the only blog guy that aint caught a blog lady on the side?? j/k
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:34 pm
@Melo ~ you need to sit down with Queen and ask for her suggestions to sprucing up the sex life all the while assuring her it’s still all good, but wanted a little more spice and see what she says, or what shoe she throws at you. If it’s a pump, she’s entertaining the idea. If it’s a flat shoe, you’re stuck with the sex the way it is.
lurker_1
July 21st, 2010
4:37 pm
Yes, Leggs CNN is currently playing the full unedited version of her speech. I’m sure they will have it on their website. It’ll be worth your time.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:40 pm
You the only blog guy that aint caught a blog lady on the side??
@ yes and i thinking im being targeted and stereotyped for my immigratiuon status..
Enter u Luvbug,and ur fair mindedness and good heart…..
can u fix some for me??
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:40 pm
@lurker_1 ~ thank you. The entire situation makes me cringe!!
AmazonRed™
July 21st, 2010
4:41 pm
Dreams – Good point. I hope you’re right.
Purple Rain – Better? Did did I miss something? (works been busy!!!) Glad to hear things are moving in a positive direction regardless.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
4:44 pm
lurker_1??
the Obama admin needs to have a stronger back and not jelly backing all the damn time to the fox pple and the right wing machine…
this is the 4th time something like this has happened.
They must learn to say ‘Phlucck U” to them and mean it!
LURKER (I want some of dat)
July 21st, 2010
4:45 pm
@Princess Kimmie….. What if you man thought since you are not thinking about going to a higher position that you were not worthy of him? How would you feel about?
To all the blog women thanks for engaging the lurker….. Does society dictate how we date? Is their something wrong with a woman asking a man out and paying for it?
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
4:46 pm
can u fix some for me??
If you mean give suggestions (the only meaning I will honor), people who have experienced and come out successfully in your situation are best suited for that.
How I go from a money grabber to a fair minded and good hearted person?? I swear, guys will say anything to get in something. LOL
Besides, I aint one of the caught blog ladies.
DreamsMaterialize
July 21st, 2010
4:46 pm
Dreams – Good point. I hope you’re right.
ARed Triumph is only defined in the context of struggle. You have to overcome something in order to be victorious. Embrace your struggle…you got this.
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:46 pm
Nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out and paying for the date. Nothing wrong w/that at all!
LURKER (I want some of dat)
July 21st, 2010
4:47 pm
Fellas make sure you write in you vows when you get married after 10yrs of sex you can bring in another woman for sex…..YEAHHH
ON that note I am out of here!!! YESSSS
I really like Princess Kimmie….She is truly one of kind…..