Help! I feel like a Sugar Mama
I received a question from a reader who has a little dating dilemma. Her new boyfriend makes significantly less money than she does. It did not seem to bother either of them in the beginning (most things don’t!) but as the relationship is progressing, things are becoming awkward.
She has already bought him clothes, paid for a vacation, and last week he asked her for a loan. It is making her feel like a “sugar mama” at this point. How does she handle this without ruining the relationship?
Is it a bad idea to lend money to the person you are dating? Do you think this type of thing alters the dynamics in how a man and woman relate to one another in a relationship?
Should you disclose the amount of money you are making to someone you have just started dating?
When do you bring up money?
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360 comments Add your comment
I am whatever you say I am
July 21st, 2010
3:17 pm
“She has already bought him clothes, paid for a vacation, and last week he asked her for a loan. It is making her feel like a “sugar mama” at this point. How does she handle this without ruining the relationship”
Well …um….she did but those things so it’s not wonder she feels that way. she’s a dummy
DreamsMaterialize
July 21st, 2010
3:17 pm
thats a good thing right, not like “Diva” type Princess, but like Nubian Princess?
blue judging from the movie BAPS, it would be ghetto fabulous type princess. lol
I am whatever you say I am
July 21st, 2010
3:17 pm
typo: buy
Kym
July 21st, 2010
3:18 pm
@Dreams..I am trying to meet me an exterminator..mosquito, wasp, termite treatment, 500.00 to start..then a mere 250 a year. To kill small bugs that live outside…and underground.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:20 pm
Slim, I do not like you anymore.
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
3:20 pm
@abc ~ I think you’re right. Couldn’t remember if it was American or African.
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
3:20 pm
@kimmie – lol, he did seem a bit, focused lets say. but hey, im new, still learning personalities
@kym – agreed, lets just stay within our means, unless theres a need to do something else, need not want (gotta make allowances for emergencies, right?)
@Leggs – thanks for the clarity and the compliment then, but i guess i’d be more of a MAP then, Mixed American Princess
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:20 pm
I Am, come sit over here with me in the “She’s a dummy” section
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
3:23 pm
blue-7/30 – In some ways I see where you’re coming from, but if the examples were modified (less extreme), I may differ.
Sometimes it’s more about comfort of lifestyle…however that may be defined. If I had to choose between a guy who made an average income as an established business owner and owed nothing on his home and a guy on a high earning corporate track who is starting a mortgage…I may favor the business owner. Partly b/c I’m usually more attracted to entrepreneurs and partly because I would assume he’s a more financial safe bet, more available to his family, free spirited and resourceful.
There are scenarios that may fall in the favor of the lower earning guy.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
3:24 pm
melo – i’ll bite (may be sorry later, lol) – YMP?
blue??
Young Mandingo Professional
AmazonRed™
July 21st, 2010
3:25 pm
Dang good topic today. Hate I missed the fun.
If a man makes less than ME, he probably makes license plates as an inmate at the prison.
We’d just have to do free stuff. I ain’t never loaned money to a man and have never asked a man for money!
DreamsMaterialize
July 21st, 2010
3:27 pm
Kym looks like you’ve done your research. High earning potential plus the practical benefits of his skills. In that case I wouldn’t mind meeting an Executive Chef. lol
but i guess i’d be more of a MAP then, Mixed American Princess
blue or CAP (Coloured American Princess) ain’t that right melo?
Melo
July 21st, 2010
3:28 pm
If I had to choose between a guy who made an average income as an established business owner and owed nothing on his home and a guy on a high earning corporate track who is starting a mortgage…I may favor the business owner.
@Luvbug and blue?? in ur 2 way convo???
uall are in ur element, as females for sure!
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
3:28 pm
Young Mandingo Professional = Escort!
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:29 pm
Amazon. how are you?
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:30 pm
YIP,
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
3:30 pm
Kym – 3:18 – Girl don’t sleep on the exterminator! The bug business is BIG and profitable. My real estate agent’s hubby started out with Orkin and a few years later started his own bug gig. He is often the only AA at those bug conventions and he does EXTREMELY well.
Dreams – I feel the same way you do about the plumber, A/C man, electrician…….. – they have skills that will always be in demand, practically recession-proof! You almost need to take out a second mortgage to pay them!
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
3:30 pm
Wait, Melo, perhaps you meant that as a young man in the corporate world doing his thing.
To many of us women, “mandingo” means one thing only!
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
3:31 pm
Melo – Really?! The men’s pocket is my element?
Whatever LOL
DreamsMaterialize
July 21st, 2010
3:31 pm
If a man makes less than ME, he probably makes license plates as an inmate at the prison.
ARed you work in a sweat shop? I think you’re a tad bit overqualified.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:31 pm
Men, does it matter how much money a woman makes?
Women, does it matter how much money a man makes?
DreamsMaterialize
July 21st, 2010
3:32 pm
ARed btw how are you?
Kym
July 21st, 2010
3:33 pm
@Dreams..dude I am not sleeping on the blue collar guys at all. My daddy’s an electrician and have uncles and cousin who work construction, brick masons, mechanics, truck drivers..oh yeah and don’t forget my love of men in uniforms.
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
3:36 pm
@melo – 2 way convo? female element? did luvbug and i become exclusive somehwere and i missed it? coulda sworn i was answering a guys question….and why is it always eyeing a mans pocket, why isnt what the guys were screaming earlier “showing good decision making skills”? if he wont, and i say wont not cant, support himself, what else is there to talk about?
@Leggs – Escort – lmao.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
3:37 pm
The men’s pocket is my element?
@Luvbug??
NO…im liking how u females(u and blue) are making a determination based on what the men do,which equates to money..etc…(women being in ur element) and not what the men are in terms of their individual personalities.
sex and money=women
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:38 pm
blue, did melo get under your skin. You mad? LOL j/k
Kym
July 21st, 2010
3:41 pm
@PurpleRain..As long as he is living within his means..its all to the good..I just don’t want foolishness.
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
3:41 pm
not what the men are in terms of their individual personalities.
Melo – But isn’t today’s topic about MONEY? Not whether the dude has good character, a nice sense of humor, family-oriented, spiritual, responsible, good hygiene, etc! LOL!!
LURKER (I want some of dat)
July 21st, 2010
3:43 pm
@Princess Kimmie….I get your point….My question still remain to many of you a good man who makes less then you will you still date him? Because he cannot take you on the Tom Joyner Morning cruise but he can take you to the ferry boat at Cobb’s waterpark….
@PrincessNik….E-mail me and LURKER will be there early in the morning cutting, trimming and edging for a glass of sweet tea…….
Kym
July 21st, 2010
3:44 pm
@PurpleRain..you know the Vikings play the Saints on September 9th?
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
3:45 pm
Melo – In a broad stroke, I related what he would be like (a stereotypical guess) with what he did and how safe I would feel financially with how he spent his money. He could not own the home either, but I included it to show superior responsibility of maintaining his finances which may put him ahead of the other guy.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
3:45 pm
@Kimmie??
read 3.23
its too much about money.
todays topic is about how somebody uses their money(decision making) not how u choose them for their money. LOL which 3.23 is.
i bet u chose ur guy,not coz he is a lawyer who makes money but coz he is a good guy who happens to be a lawyer….see 3.23 again and u tell me. lol
DreamsMaterialize
July 21st, 2010
3:47 pm
kimmie they had me rethinking my career choice. lol Started thinking to myself “I could be a plumber.”
@Dreams..dude I am not sleeping on the blue collar guys at all.
Kym Yeah you seem to have your head on straight. Whatever the “collar”, I’m sure they’ll feel pretty lucky.
don’t forget my love of men in uniforms.Do slacks and a button-up (corporate uniform) count? lol
Kym
July 21st, 2010
3:48 pm
@Lurker..because I am cheap…I am not taking myself of the TJMS cruise…I can get 2 cruises for the price of that one….so yes if he made less we could go out.
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
3:49 pm
@PR – i’ll admit a tad there. but cant have that, you know us light skinned people, we start to turn shades of pink and red when we get mad, then the beet jokes start flying, and it all goes downhill from there……..
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:49 pm
Kym, I did not know that. We will beat the ‘aints. I have been pondering buying some Falcons Season tickets since they are so cheap.
Luvbug
July 21st, 2010
3:49 pm
todays topic is about how somebody uses their money(decision making) not how u choose them for their money. LOL which 3.23 is.
Wow Melo. You complete missed the point if you thought it was about money.
Kym
July 21st, 2010
3:50 pm
@Dreams..the slacks and button down would be fine..long as he knows how to relax and enjoy a good football game, some ribs, and play a game of spades. Now if he is too stuffy for that..he might need to push on.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:50 pm
blue, it is funny how you get to know people over the internet. I read what you typed and was thinking, she is a bit perturbed. LOL
Melo
July 21st, 2010
3:51 pm
@Luvbug??
my bad then
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:51 pm
Kym, I would like to be a stunt double until you find your man in uniform. I can eat ribs, play spades and watch football.
Kym
July 21st, 2010
3:52 pm
@Purple Rain..lawd…why you go an mention the Falcons….I am still stewing over having to buy tickets for a preseason game…you too will have to make such horrible sacrifices for your kid.
Purple Rain
July 21st, 2010
3:53 pm
I have something very important to say to the blog:
“Only you can prevent forest fires”
Melo
July 21st, 2010
3:53 pm
To many of us women, “mandingo” means one thing only
@Leggs
what??..i thoght it meant african
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
3:55 pm
@LURKER ~ in the example you’ve given, yes, I would date him. I will not date the man who makes less than me, is unhappy with the check he brings home, always sitting on the couch complaining there aren’t any better jobs out there but to afraid to actually find out if his analysis is true or not.
blue-7/30
July 21st, 2010
3:57 pm
@Lurker – im more a ferry type of girl anyway, cant swim, need to be where there are fewer distraction so they can pay more attention to ME when i fall overboard.
i like simple but enjoyable, not flashy and pointless, so yeah, we could go out
@PR – LOL, guess you are getting to know me. and cant remember the last time i heard someone use the word perturbed, most folks need me to define it hwen i use it, lol. forest fires….smh lol
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
3:58 pm
LURKER – The man I’m seeing now can’t swing the Joyner morning cruise cause it costs 2k a person!
But seriously, most of the guys I’ve dated in the past made less than me. It’s all relative and there are other factors to take into account. Like Luvbug mentioned, he could make much more than me but have a lot more debt and be a paycheck away from foreclosure or the street. I don’t make nearly what I should, but the only debt I have is my house. A similiar dude, even one who made a little less than me would be fine. I’m also attracted to intelligence, so I’ve never wanted to date a dumb jock, who makes way more but can’t carry an intelligent conversation. I know folks who make considerably less than me but manage it way better than I do and folks that earn triple what I do but are always having money issues. So stuff like debt owed, earning potential – those are factors.
If I had Oprah money I could date a Stedman – if that Stedman could support himself and got satisfaction from what he was doing and making a contribution to society.
Melo
July 21st, 2010
3:59 pm
we start to turn shades of pink and red when we get mad
@blue??
do the skid marks show on ur neck and belly after ur man has given u some luving the previous nite??
thats why i like the dark chics…
Leggs
July 21st, 2010
4:02 pm
@Melo ~ it does. Perhaps it’s just my circle of friends. When we hear the word “mandingo,” we immediately think “hung heavy,” and “he knows how to stroke.” Sorry, perhaps it’s just us.
kimmie
July 21st, 2010
4:02 pm
Leggs – Your 3:55 – I avoid “malcontent” dudes like that like the plague! Don’t sit around making everyone else miserable!