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The art of great first dates

Far be it from me to complain about the precious few dates so far this summer. I never want to appear rude or anything but I have to send a public service announcement out:

First dates can make or break your potential romance.

Yeah, I know this seems like a no-brainer, but ask any single person about their most disastrous dates ever. Chances are they were on the one  (and only) first date that failed miserably.

I have wondered why there is so much pressure to impress on a first date. You don’t have to really go all out on some grand gesture. Nor should you pluck ideas from these ridiculous reality tv dating shows.

You know what works best? Normal. No, really! Doing something you have already found to be enjoyable and pleasant. No surprises. No gimmicks. A perfectly normal activity or past time you like to do, but with someone you are really really attracted to.

The more normal the date, the less distracted you are. This way, you can catch any crazy behavior or horrendous manners that the date may display. You could also discover what a complete joy they are to be around.

So let’s dissect first dates today. What is the art of a great first date in your book?

What first date rituals do you go through to increase your chances of being relaxed and ready to charm?

What should you absolutely avoid on a first date?

Do your part people! There are innocent single people being subjected to awful, no good first dates and it is up to us to help them.

Happy Friday!

385 comments Add your comment

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
10:29 am

Blue-yes I agree about the phone calls unless you are a doctor.

Kimmie-My daddy would have pulled me back in that house, and my mom would have fainted. I learned early on a man or boy must pick you up at the door.

Leggs

July 16th, 2010
10:29 am

@kimmie ~ I was listening to the show yesterday. I find it extremely disrespectful to honk your horn and not come to the door to pick up your date and say hello the parents. If anyone is taking my child out, you best believe they will be ringing my doorbell and walking her to the car and walking her back to the door after the date (that is when she starts dating).

I had a first date at a poolhall. I had a blast. Lo key, nice music and good drinks.

Melo

July 16th, 2010
10:30 am

@DirtyD..10.19??

as young male adults, I will say that those are some of the pressures we face(d)..trying to impress a chic by appearing to know and like everything that she does for fear that if we are honest,we will lose her.

I remember dating a chic and asking her out even when i knew i didnt have enough money for the two of us and then suggesting to go to a favrte restraunt that the young ones of our age particualy liked.

The pressure of not having enough money to wiggle with is really a muth*)&%$#@! Sometimes I would just get to the place well ahead and wait and then lie that Im done eating coz i was really hungry and just order for her.

What can u do when u want a chic so so bad?? :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
10:30 am

Wowwwww.

First date flowers are a rarity?
First dates at the movies?
Dudes blowing their horns outside?
Cats showing up in a tuxedo and top hat to go to the Decatur Arts Festival?

We seriously have to raise the bar.

Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)

July 16th, 2010
10:32 am

She said dude used to pull up to the house and blow the horn! And she would go!

:shock:

czBrat ... in a 3 year engagement

July 16th, 2010
10:33 am

GM All!

the brat is treating herself to a much needed long weekend because the stress of work & home issues were about to make me POP!!! i’m hoping that some quiet time and a day with my mama will get me right as rain.

anywho … on topic: i’ve not had any bad first dates, but i would advise the singles out there to avoid doing the age-old movie bit. you have to be able to talk in order to get to know each other. like DD said; keep it light, do something fun, chillax and enjoy the moment.

been sitting here checking out a few episodes of a show called ‘the locator’. had never heard of it before. apparently this guy is an expert at finding people. all i can say is, these moments of folks finding long-lost family members has me close to tears … and ya’ll know i don’t do mushy! :cry:

carry on.

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:34 am

Leggs/Diana – Yeah, my parents did not play that mess! They wouldn’t have allowed me to leave the house if he honked. Folks knew better than to roll up to my parents house raggedy like that anyway – it starts with the parents. They should command respect first and that extends to the daughters. Dudes know early on those they can get away with that mess with and those they have to come correct with.

SlimOne

July 16th, 2010
10:35 am

Dan in real life – yes there was a second date…we went to the movies and dinner. The guy was a bit on the CONCEITED/ARROGANT side so that was short-lived. He would constantly talk about himself and once we were watching a movie at his spot, someone was blowing up his phone. He told me I should answer it and tell the chick to quit calling..and he went on to say that if someone was blowing up my phone, that he would answer it too. I’m like WHOA, Slow your roll kimo sabie…you won’t be answering my phone, especially not at this juncture. But back to the ‘constantly talking about himself deal’…i even did a little experiment once. We were on the phone for about 40 minutes and not once did he really ask me anything about me. That whole 40minutes he talked about himself. :roll:

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 16th, 2010
10:38 am

Dan – cosigning 1028a.

Leggs

July 16th, 2010
10:39 am

@blue ~ Phil Collins is a good. Su Susudio has a great beat. Put that behind Shelia E and rock on!

Dan - simply...

July 16th, 2010
10:39 am

@Slim

Good that you found that out, and I like the experiment…

@Dreams

Yeah, unfortunately, flowers on first date is corny these days. Sending flowers on a Tuesday to woman you like – not so much.

But flowers and tuxedo’s on a first date are both on the other side of “trying too hard” (differing degrees though).

i'm swiss™

July 16th, 2010
10:40 am

Leggs — That little pre-date ritual can help a dude out in a couple of ways:

1) If you’re not sure whether you’re going to get some (at least on this date) it can help prevent you from acting too thirsty & killing your chances of ever getting some.

2) If you do get some, it will help you last longer & improve your chances of getting more in the future.

:lol:

This is knowledge every young dude should have…

Kym

July 16th, 2010
10:41 am

@Dreams I am glad you said festival..I think I am going to head downtown this weekend to Centennial Park and check out the music and artist Market for National Black Arts Festival.

Kimmy

July 16th, 2010
10:41 am

Hi,
Keep it simple. First dates should be a time to get to see and know the person better. I usually suggest either we go to his favorite place or opt to try something we have both wanted to try. Either way I spend my time on these dates observing their attitude, how they treat people they encounter and how they treat me. I have had disaster dates, but we laughed so much about it when we told people about the date that it was hilarious.

Dan - simply...

July 16th, 2010
10:43 am

@Swiss

Yes, knowledge that every dude should have…

Man stop! Next thing you know you’ll be telling ‘em about….

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
10:46 am

Kym festival is always a winner.

i'm swiss™

July 16th, 2010
10:48 am

Oops, my bad, Dan — You know since I’ve left the game & move up into the commentator’s booth, I just can’t keep my mouth shut about all the inside info… I’ll lock it down… ;-) :lol:

Steven Q. Stanley

July 16th, 2010
10:48 am

Blowing off a second date because the first date did not go well is a great way to ensure you die alone. You know what, when two people go out the first time, it is usually going to be awkward, it’s just the way it is. If you go out with a guy and the first date is a little too perfect, he is probably a player.

Not saying first dates can’t be great, but sometimes they are going to be awkward because one party is shy, nervous, or whatever. You can miss out on a quality mate by being upset the first date didn’t go great. A lot of women have these unrealistic ideas of telling their granddaughters how awesome their first date with their grandfather was, and if it wasn’t perfect, they have to move on. Well guess what ladies, if you wait until 50 to get married you aren’t going to have nay grand kids.

Melo

July 16th, 2010
10:49 am

@Swiss??

Is that ritual something that uall wld talk about openly with ur buddy friends??

In my situation,culturally,thats smething we wld clown somebody(friend etc) about if we heard or knew they did it..something that “loser dudes”,who cannot score on gerlz, would do…..

hmmmmmmm..this world????

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:50 am

Yeah, unfortunately, flowers on first date is corny these days.

Personally, I appreciate flowers any time!

Most ladies I know would appreciate the gesture and not find it corny at all. Unless she just doesn’t know any better.

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
10:51 am

She said dude used to pull up to the house and blow the horn! And she would go!

WTH – if parking the car to meet me at my door is a waste of time for you, keep on driving. horns are for emergenciess and road rage, not first dates.

Melo

July 16th, 2010
10:51 am

Well guess what ladies, if you wait until 50 to get married you aren’t going to have nay grand kids.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

what a pick up from the pause button of yesterday!

Kym

July 16th, 2010
10:51 am

Happy Friday Grim Reaper!!(I mean Stanley Q)

@Dreams oh I love a festival..I swear I don’t make enough money to support all my habits.

Run4Life

July 16th, 2010
10:52 am

@Slim ‘he went on to say that if someone was blowing up my phone, that he would answer it too. I’m like WHOA, Slow your roll kimo sabie…you won’t be answering my phone’

So funny!!!

abc

July 16th, 2010
10:52 am

BS, Steven Q Stanley. If you’re not into them, you just aren’t into them. It doesn’t really matter if the reasons why are rational, emotional, chemical, real or imagined. There is no reason to waste your time and theirs.

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:52 am

You only have 1 time to make a good first impression.

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
10:53 am

@Melo – lol, anybody come up with a theme song or catchphrase for the Capn (Stanley)?

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
10:54 am

This is knowledge every young dude should have…
Yeah swiss but it seems the women are saying there’s a different kind of dude out there now. Apparently, dudes now are rolling up on their bicycles wearing swim trunks, honking the squeeky horn, and making chics ride on the handle bars.

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:55 am

I humored, (and I mean humored :lol: ) that mess yesterday. But not today.

This is a fun topic and I hope we keep it fun.

Dan - simply...

July 16th, 2010
10:56 am

@Kimmie

That axiom hasn’t been proven.

You can make a good impression on the 14th time seeing a person. You can make a whole bunch of bad impressions first though.

Kym

July 16th, 2010
10:57 am

Oh my goodness Russell Gunn will be at the park tomorrow. I love him..dang gone..I am going to have to miss him this time cause I am not..going to leave my house Saturday.

abc

July 16th, 2010
10:58 am

Here’s my own personal theme song:

I was a mean old man
I was an ornery cuss
I was a dismal dan
I made an awful fuss
Ever since my life began
Man, it was ever thus
I was a nasty tyke who was hard to like

I had to misbehave
I did things in reverse
Refused to wash or shave
I was horrid to my nurse
I got back what I gave
Which only made me worse
I had to have my way
Which was bleak and gray

Who gets a second chance?
Who gets to have some fun?
Who gets to learn to dance
Before his race is run?
Who gets to shed his skin?
Who comes up born again?
Who was a mean old man
’til you turned him into a golden retriever puppy dog

Please

July 16th, 2010
10:58 am

@STeven Q-Blowing off a second date because the first date did not go well is a great way to ensure you die alone——–Man–cough—sorry wrong word 4 u— there u go again. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ALONE NO MATTER WHAT UNLESS YOU KILL HER ALONG WITH YOURSELF, I wouldnt be suprise if you did because you sound real CRAZY. Please SEEK HELP

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
11:00 am

Dan – There is only one first time tho.

I meant it really tongue-in-cheek. I’ve given quite a few 2nd, 3rd & beyond chances to make a good impression and I know I’ve been given the same courtesy. We’re all human. :)

Please

July 16th, 2010
11:01 am

STEVEN Q Well guess what ladies, if you wait until 50 to get married you aren’t going to have nay grand kids….. Not all women want kids let along grandkids, how delusional u are, lol.

czBrat ... in a 3 year engagement

July 16th, 2010
11:02 am

awwww. abc, i like that! what’s it from?

Please

July 16th, 2010
11:02 am

@ABC—-BS, Steven Q Stanley. If you’re not into them, you just aren’t into them. It doesn’t really matter if the reasons why are rational, emotional, chemical, real or imagined. There is no reason to waste your time and theirs…THANK YOU ABC- A REAL MAN SPEAKS.

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
11:05 am

If you’re not into them, you just aren’t into them. It doesn’t really matter if the reasons why are rational, emotional, chemical, real or imagined. There is no reason to waste your time and theirs.

Bears repeating!!

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
11:08 am

@abc – i like your theme song :)

SlimOne

July 16th, 2010
11:10 am

I don’t go into a first date expecting it to be perfect…matter of fact, I don’t go with an expectation to begin with as to not add more nervous energy to the date. I assume the dude will at least be respectful but if he isn’t, then the first date becomes the last date. ;-)

Run4life – the dude is hilarious…he’ll text me from time to time seeing if I want to meet for a drink or so. But recently he asked me about hanging out with him and I told him I wasn’t sure. He came back with: Well let me know soon because I don’t want to double book. :lol: He cracks me up. I told him if he already had something more definite, then he should go with that because I’m just a possible. (Felt like I was playing a hand of spades. lol) He even found that funny.

My cousin told me a friend of hers went out on a date with a dude. They live 45 minutes apart so the guy drove to her side of town. After they went wherever they ended up going, buddy was trying to spend the night. So of course the chick was like, Hayo naw…so he left and went home. The next time they spoke he said he needed to talk to her. He said he asked all his friend their opinion and went on to say he couldn’t believe he made him drive all the way back home after going out and didn’t give him any bootay. :shock:

So is the going rate for puddy dinner and a movie these days?

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
11:12 am

Yeah, unfortunately, flowers on first date is corny these days.
Dan, kimmie The single stem Oriental Lilly hasn’t failed me yet. Of course, I admit to being a little corny in some ways. Can’t be Biily D all the time. lol

Dreams oh I love a festival..I swear I don’t make enough money to support all my habits.
Kym I tell myself this all the time. Festivals can definitely eat up your money. So will estate sales.

Kym

July 16th, 2010
11:14 am

@Dreams…ohhh man!! Estate Sales(Yard Sales for wealthy people) now I might leave the house for one of those this weekend. >>nope got to be strong..wont even watch QVC..(naww no need to lie)

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
11:15 am

Dreams – I don’t find it corny at all, was just responding to Dan. And yeah, I and most women I know would be absolutely giddy if a dude showed up with an Oriental Lilly!

Billy D all the way! :)

Melo

July 16th, 2010
11:15 am

@Slim??

but u cant blame dude for playing spades with u coz u played spades with him to begin with..I told him I wasn’t sure

what is a dude supposed to do if u tell him something as indefinitive as that…..??

Chicks uall funny for real..the hand u gave him is the hand he played u…..

Luvbug

July 16th, 2010
11:15 am

Wow Swiss/Abc – LOL. I’d have never guessed that one.

So far, first dates have usually been basic for me…movies, dinner, game places (I can’t think of what to call places where you play pool, putt putt or the like)

I’ve not needed to dress up on a first date yet.

Dates have usually been more elaborate after we’ve decided to go forward.

Guess I’ve been missing out on the action. :sad:

Run4Life

July 16th, 2010
11:15 am

@Slim.

I know, right?? Guys believe they are the only ones that got it going on. I think they truly believe that we are waiting around for them to call us, and we jump at every opportunity. No thanks…I can buy my own dinner and movie.

Really show me that you are interested and things are different this time around. Pursue me…you know, follow, chase, hunt, trail, etc.

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
11:18 am

@Dreams – Lilys are my faavvorite, stick with the lilys
@Slim – loved your ice skating date, so simply yet it stands out. but this mess with the double booking, id have the same answer, dont let me keep you. and can you stay the night, on our first date, ok, that just tells me what you think of me…

czBrat

July 16th, 2010
11:18 am

Slim, that guy is ridiculous and his friends are azzes too. what grown up is actually expecting sex as a reward for an evening out? and as for the dude you dated, sounds like that ‘test’ approach we’ve talked about. he’s trying to see if a little competition will get you to bite. LOL

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
11:19 am

Slim – The 45-mile dude – ridiculous! smh

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
11:19 am

So is the going rate for puddy dinner and a movie these days?
Slim Actually, it’s dinner, a movie, AND a 30+ minute drive. If you live down the street, then you have to do dinner and a movie 2 times. :-)