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The art of great first dates

Far be it from me to complain about the precious few dates so far this summer. I never want to appear rude or anything but I have to send a public service announcement out:

First dates can make or break your potential romance.

Yeah, I know this seems like a no-brainer, but ask any single person about their most disastrous dates ever. Chances are they were on the one  (and only) first date that failed miserably.

I have wondered why there is so much pressure to impress on a first date. You don’t have to really go all out on some grand gesture. Nor should you pluck ideas from these ridiculous reality tv dating shows.

You know what works best? Normal. No, really! Doing something you have already found to be enjoyable and pleasant. No surprises. No gimmicks. A perfectly normal activity or past time you like to do, but with someone you are really really attracted to.

The more normal the date, the less distracted you are. This way, you can catch any crazy behavior or horrendous manners that the date may display. You could also discover what a complete joy they are to be around.

So let’s dissect first dates today. What is the art of a great first date in your book?

What first date rituals do you go through to increase your chances of being relaxed and ready to charm?

What should you absolutely avoid on a first date?

Do your part people! There are innocent single people being subjected to awful, no good first dates and it is up to us to help them.

Happy Friday!

385 comments Add your comment

Wise Diva

July 16th, 2010
8:32 am

Good morning everyone! So glad to see Friday!! TGIF!

mark

July 16th, 2010
8:48 am

Good morning Ladies!!! my worst first date was when the lady kept sending her food back and that bothers me. your not that picky when your at home eating ramen noodles so why be picky on my dime?

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
8:59 am

Hola!

Mark that is very funny…happy Friday to you!

What is the art of a great first date in your book?

Personally I like to converse, email and a little texting before the first date. If you have a lot of interaction before the date it does not seem like a first date. I cannot tolerate someone being ultra formal on a first date or any dates. My job is stressful and formal, so whether I am blogging, dating or hanging with friends I like to relax, have fun, get rowdy (in a fun way) and just chill. I cannot stand that serious mess on a date. I believe in laughing, smiling and even laughing at myself.

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
9:05 am

Oh yea, I like to keep first dates simple. I don’t want an elaborate dinner or some dinner and a movie plan. Meeting for a cup of coffee, or some finger food and a drink is good. If the meeting goes well, you can always extend the date. The key is to find a location where you can venture into other options if the date is going well.

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
9:05 am

Morning
I just like to do enjoyable things that allow both of us let down our “first date” guard. I’ve done go-cart racing, cooking class, picnic, cognac tasting, play, museum, dessert, chocolate buffet at the Four Seasons, festival, whatever. I’m open to new experiences, and I like women who are too.

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
9:08 am

GM Diana, Mark, WD -
“Some people are like Slinkies – not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.” – read this today and couldnt help laughing…

anyway, on topic – great first date for me would be one where i can feel comfortable being myself, and feel he’s doing the same. if it seems obvious that your putting on a front, lets not waste our time. Agree with Diana, something not too formal, where i can relax and enjoy some good conversation, flip my hair every now and then and give off a girly laugh without having to try to pretend i speak french when i dont.

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
9:11 am

gm Dreams, and everyone else, TGIF

mark

July 16th, 2010
9:14 am

Hey Diana! Hey Blue!

SlimOne

July 16th, 2010
9:18 am

TGIF…just wish it was already time to go home. Me sweepy sweepy.

Topic: I don’t have any first date rituals other than to ensure I’m smelling good, looking good and feeling good. I wouldn’t recommend going out on a date when you aren’t feeling on the up and up. I would hate to go out with a dude who was in a bad mood.

SlimOne

July 16th, 2010
9:19 am

Dreams, how did the cognac tasting date end up? :-D

anonymousella

July 16th, 2010
9:22 am

First date? Something cheap where you can talk and have something to talk about. Coffee, ethnic food (shows you tried and have a sense of adventure), art show, museum, martinis & imax, foreign movie at the high followed by a diner meal, etc.

Kym

July 16th, 2010
9:22 am

Good Morning All,

Q&A Time..

What is the art of a great first date in your book?

In my book a great first date is one where I actually get to see and experience my date in the natural. For me conversation is key..so having a great date means we do things where me and the dude can engage in conversation, interact.

What first date rituals do you go through to increase your chances of being relaxed and ready to charm?

I have no rituals..I am not one rituals..I mean I will do my best to make a good first impression..so I am not coming out of my house with sleep curd on my face..or my hair standing sideways on my head.

What should you absolutely avoid on a first date?
The movies!!! I just have to say I have learned my lesson about movie dates..at least in the begining stages. One you can’t talk to each other during the movie..its dark so you can’t see reaction or expressions. If the movie is boring..I will go to sleep(yes I have done this on a date)..no movies on first dates..after we have established a relationship…ohhh and nooooooo movies at home on first dates either.

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
9:24 am

Good morning beautiful blog people!

And a wonderful Friday it is!

Only been on 2 bad first(and only) dates and these both were setup/blind situations. And they were not really bad, just was no chemistry so things were a bit awkward.

I agree Diana, I like to have done a lot of pre-first date talking. That takes the pressure off and usually by the time we get to the first date, we both are really looking forward to it and it doesn’t really matter what we do or where we go. Most have been just meeting up for drinks or light meals. Simple. No tripping over too much money being spent or anything like that. No pressure or big displays.

Like I mentioned to Melo the other day, dating can and should be fun. I’ve enjoyed dating, and will continue to “date” even after marriage.

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
9:29 am

Hey blue. How’s it going?

Dreams, how did the cognac tasting date end up?
Slim you’ll have to come with me to one to find out. ;-)

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
9:29 am

@Dreams – is go-cart racing as fun as it looks?
@Kym – agreed, movies not that great an idea. need something that allows interaction and a chance to learn about each other, altho if you try to take to me to see the newest serial killer chop-em-up movie, well i think ive learned all i need to know…..

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
9:30 am

Dreams – Where are these cognac tastings held?

Run4Life

July 16th, 2010
9:31 am

Please dress to impress, and be on your best manners. I agree with Mark; wherever we go, please don’t be rude to the staff. You don’t have to be formal with a shirt and tie. However, do not just throw on anything like a T-shirt and shorts. I prefer a guy in khaki pants and shirt, or my favorite attire for a first date on guys is nice jeans, button down shirt and sports jacket. Believe me, I will have on a simple but sexy dress for you. And please do not talk about how badly you’ve been treated by other women; makes you appear weak and I’m afraid I may be the next one to treat you ‘not be interested’. Be positive, confident and sexy.

Note: I may give you a second chance to bring your ‘A’ game, but I’ve pretty much made up my mind about you on that first date.

Dan - simply...

July 16th, 2010
9:34 am

First date tips:

Be yourself, be easy, and be prepared (for a trip home with her or someone else).

Dan - simply...

July 16th, 2010
9:36 am

@Run

Um, I dig all that (liking a man in khaki’s), but if jeans and a shirt are his style then something gotta give.

It’s great to have preferences, even better to have expectations, but merging either of those with reality is the sign of a mature person.

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
9:38 am

Wassup Blue,

Lol at pretending to speak french.

First date tips…

1. Clean out your car! No one wants to sit on that Micky D’s fish filet carton.
2. Keep the music volume down. I am not going to shout over Gucci Mane.
3. Keep the music generic I don’t want to hear “Silk” freak me baby. Keep it light and simple.
4. If you are picking my up you need to ring the doorbell, if you blow the horn I am not coming out. After the date you need to walk me to my door. This is a simple dating rule, but some folks don’t know it.
5. Be on time!
6. Dress for the date. Ladies, do not wear your Prada stilettos to go bowling. Guys do not wear your white linen and ostrich kicks to Big Daddy’s rib shack.
7. Keep it informal do not ask about stuff that is none of your business i.e. how much my car cost, sexual stuff etc.
8. Men, flowers are nice if you are trying to make a good impression. Nothing elaborate a simple bud vase will do.
9. Ladies, if you are at a festival or something and you noticed your date has interest in something it is ok to surprise him later with a small trinket from that event.
Have fun…keep things light…don’t act like a pin is stuck in your behind.

Melo

July 16th, 2010
9:40 am

You don’t have to be formal with a shirt and tie

Laaaaaaaaaaaaawd have Mercy!

Is this the 12th grade class prom nite dating do and donts seminar??………………sworry, im in the wrong spot!

:roll: :roll:
:lol: :lol: :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
9:43 am

@Dreams – is go-cart racing as fun as it looks?
blue Every bit. I always have a ball when I go.

Dreams – Where are these cognac tastings held?
kimmie I haven’t been to any in Atlanta, but when I lived in LA they would have them every few months, usually at some estate. I’ve thought about trying to partner with Hennessy or Courvasier to do something similar in Atlanta. I think Atlanta has the demographic to support something like that. Those events were always catered. Would you be up to the task if I could pull it together? ;-)

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
9:43 am

Is this the 12th grade class prom nite

Melo – If somebody gotta tell grown folks how to dress decent for a first date…well I don’t know. I get tired just thinking about it! :lol:

i'm swiss™

July 16th, 2010
9:44 am

“What first date rituals do you go through to increase your chances of being relaxed and ready to charm?”

Well, back in the day I would typically yank one off before the date, so as not to have too much baby batter in my system, clouding my judgment. But, that’s a given. :lol:

Oh yeah… Morning everybody! :lol:

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
9:45 am

Melo,

This is the remedial/corrective actions class—some folks didn’t master it the first time around.

:roll:
:evil:
:grin:

And, if you are honest you know I am telling the truth.

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
9:47 am

Dreams – Catering? On a very small scale, absolutely! :)

DreamsMaterialize

July 16th, 2010
9:52 am

Um, I dig all that (liking a man in khaki’s), but if jeans and a shirt are his style then something gotta give.
Yeah I’m not wearing khakis to if we’re doing the go-cart thing or a short hike up the north georgia waterfalls.

8. Men, flowers are nice if you are trying to make a good impression. Nothing elaborate a simple bud vase will do.
Double D’s I agree, you definitely don’t want to overdo it on this one. A single stem and a little baby’s breath tends to go over just right.

Leggs

July 16th, 2010
9:53 am

“Well, back in the day I would typically yank one off before the date,”

I’m done…that was funny!

Good morning

Rock Steady, Aretha Frankin, is jamming for you nice folks….

abc

July 16th, 2010
9:55 am

I’d usually take them someplace nice to dinner on a first date, but meet them there — that way we both have an escape route. While most first dates motivate one’s best behavior anyway, it was interesting to me to see how they’d be in a relaxed but fairly formal setting. Per yesterday’s “deal breaker” topic, a girl who can’t be presentable in an environment like that was disqualified — not rudely, mind you, just no further invitations. I’m not Rex Harrison, and this isn’t “My Fair Lady”, if you get my drift.

It would backfire on me pretty often, though. Most of the first dates I went on didn’t inspire any real interest in me, so I wouldn’t ask them out again. That bugged a lot of them, I think because they’d never been on dates where the man was nice and polite, treated them well, and didn’t mind to spend a couple of bucks to do it. They figured I must be interested to be that way. I felt bad about that, every time.

There were definitely some odd first dates, though, especially the ones that came from online personals. Online personals proved to not be for me!

Melo

July 16th, 2010
9:55 am

Keep the music volume down. I am not going to shout over Gucci Mane.
3. Keep the music generic I don’t want to hear “Silk” freak me baby. Keep it light and simple.

@Kimmie/DirtyD??

I think the very first thing to recommend is that pple date in their lane.

As a chic u dont want to be waiting for dude and he rolls up ur crib,waiting his car by the kerb,u looking fly and dude is bouncing on his car seat,windows rolled down and he is busy getting down to some gucci Mane..while holding the steering wheel with one hand. U know how they do!! :lol:

some folks didn’t master it the first time around

What have been some of ur worst first date dating moments ladies coz I shudder to imagine that u wld attract guys(at 22 +) who dont know how to dress and behave when they take a girl out on a simple date??

abc

July 16th, 2010
9:57 am

That’s funny, Swiss! I’d forgotten about that… I bet every guy has done that!

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
9:58 am

…north georgia waterfalls.
@DreamsM, I love the north GA waterfalls especially in the spring/fall.

@Swiss™ I thought about you last night, Robin Thicke was on the Mo’Nique show last night. Mo’ told him he had a little black man tucked inside, he corrected her and said,”no I have a big black man tucked inside.” They were talking about his soulful voice, his wife beig featured in his video and the fact that he is married to a sister.

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
10:02 am

I think the very first thing to recommend is that pple date in their lane.

Melo,

You make a good point, but a lot of folks don’t know their speed. I was flying down I-75 last night in the fast lane going about 78mph. I had to change lanes repeatedly because some folks drive 50 mph in the fast lane. The point I am making I have seen some educated, well groom men that were not guided early on, AND I know some women that are the same way. Someone did not teach them that social stuff. My daddy told me I could never leave the house going on a date if the guy did not have enough sense to walk to the door. Well I know some educated, sisters that will walk right out of that house and get in that car. smdh

i'm swiss™

July 16th, 2010
10:04 am

abc — Yeah, I’m sure. The key is to do it before you shower. Don’t want to end up with one of those “There’s Something About Mary” situations on your hands…

Dirty D:lol: That’s funny… Although, he’s got to be careful how he phrases that — that’s a statement that could easily be taken out of context to mean something completely different:lol:

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:05 am

As a chic u dont want to be waiting for dude and he rolls up ur crib,

Melo – See that’s the 1st mistake – first date we meet out somewhere. It’ll be a while before you can come to my house.

And yeah, I always date in my lane! No ghetto dudes who can’t dress, blasting the ghetto music. I’ve always gone for the nerd types anyway, who usually play it safe, clotheswise.

SlimOne

July 16th, 2010
10:05 am

I’ve only received a flower on one first date my whole life. It was a welcome surprise and sort of cute. He had a single rose laying in the car seat for me once I got in. Then we went ice skating in Centennial park…it was a great first date. He got brownie points when he helped to put my skates on as well as helped me take them off when we got done. The date ended as we walked around the park drinking hot chocolate…we even played a little bit on the playground that’s there. Brought out the little kid in us ;-)

Leggs

July 16th, 2010
10:08 am

That’s a nice first date, SlimOne.

@abc/i’m swiss ~ never even crossed my mind that guys did that before the date. Makes sense.

i'm swiss™

July 16th, 2010
10:08 am

“I’ve always gone for the nerd types anyway, who usually play it safe, clotheswise.”

Well, hello there, kimmie. How you doin’? ;-) :lol:

Melo

July 16th, 2010
10:09 am

Good morning Folks, by the way! :-)

blue-7/30

July 16th, 2010
10:09 am

@Dreams – gotta try that then. wann try paintball too, but admit, a litle scared, i heard those things sting lol.
@Diana – right on with the list. can i just add to that no taking 18 phone calls while we’re out. unless your doctor on call, leave the calls and texting till later please. especially if you feel the need to talk to whoever about our date, not cool while im sitting right there.
@Leggs – went to download my Sheila E yesterday, and my modem was out, gotta wait till tomoroww for them to come fix it :( . so sad in my Sheila E’less world, i wanna play air drums….will settle for Phil Collins-In the Air Tonight….

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:09 am

Well I know some educated, sisters that will walk right out of that house and get in that car.

Diana – They talked about that on Micheal Baisden yesterday. The subject was “My son/daughter is dating a thug/hootchie and I don’t approve”. This lady called in, 20 yrs old, and said her mom didn’t like her boyfriend. She said dude used to pull up to the house and blow the horn! And she would go! Micheal & George told her don’t she EVER tolerate that type of behavior again.

Dan - simply...

July 16th, 2010
10:10 am

@Slim

Was there a second date? 3rd?

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:12 am

Just fine, Swiss! With yo fine, smart self! :lol:

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:15 am

Slim – That sounds perfect!

I got flowers on the first date once in my life also – my SO brought 3 pink roses! My favorite and I had not told him!

Yes, I knew then things would probably work out well!

Melo

July 16th, 2010
10:17 am

@Leggs!

I never did..not consciously like that.

Ofcourse My God always took care of me smetimes as I slept,dreaming and waking up with slimmy jelly all over my nethers. :roll: :shock:

Nice feeling if u remained asleep but never good but messy when u suddenly woke up nutting,only to find out how the gods have fooled U! :lol: :lol:

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 16th, 2010
10:18 am

swizzie…your 944a. NEEDED the laugh. Thanks!

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 16th, 2010
10:19 am

Melo,

I will say the theme from my worst dates came from guys trying to hard and being too formal. I have more funny moments than worst date moments.

Funny moment I went out for sushi with this guy. He played like he loved sushi, and it was a hot day and I just wanted something light. Well I order sushi and iced tea…he ordered a drink and some sushi. When the order came I used my chopsticks and he tried to use his chopsticks…he eventually used the fork. I could tell he was out of his element and I tried to make him comfortable. Anyway he started to spread the wasabi on his sushi…I mean a lot. I said, you must really like that wasabi it is very spicy…he said I like spicy. Well he put the sushi in his mouth and he looked like a cartoon turning hot, drinking everything on the table…when it was over he said YOU KNOW I DON’T EAT THIS STUFF WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP ME!!!! I laughed so hard and we had a good time and went out for a long time…he was able to rebound and we did not take it serious.

M. (pronouced M dot)

July 16th, 2010
10:22 am

The 1st dates go wrong because of one word wise mentioned in the post. IMPRESS!

Guys,

You dont have to impress these women. Be yourself and go with the flow. Also you have to have the attitude that if she is not feeling you, something must be wrong with her, so if it does not go well, dont beat yourself up about it.

1. A good first date should be a cool laid back, NON-FRANCHISE restaurant/establishment. Instead of taking her to Chilis, Applebees, Starbucks, take her to that cool coffee shop that has a mellow vibe or a cool place in a different part of town. You want to show her youre different.

2. Let the conversation flow and you the guy direct the conversation. Ask questions that make her appear interesting and you to appear interested.

3. Go somewhere fun to get them more relaxed, an arcade would be perfect!

4. Lastly avoid any crass inuendos, off color jokes, assumptions, stereotypes, etc. It should be fun and light hearted.

kimmie

July 16th, 2010
10:24 am

Guys,

You dont have to impress these women.

Women,

You don’t have to impress these guys! :lol:

Dan - simply...

July 16th, 2010
10:28 am

Okay so,

Is this Ozzie and Harriet? Is the first date the beginning of the rest of our lives? Does this impact our children? Future generations? The environment?

Or is it a chance to figure out whether you’re meeting a friend, or someone that you may want a deeper connection to?

I mean really, to put more thought into a first date than you would any other event is slightly silly. If the vibe is right, whatever you do on a first date will likely be “cute” in looking back on it anyway.

Just DTM