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Dating: Time to break your deal breakers?

Single people we need a reality check. I include myself because I have been guilty of adhering to random dating deal breakers. Funny how I seem to meet someone really great who I have chemistry with but hit the brakes (no pun) when there is an issue with something about them.

It’s not just about having a “type” we like to say we prefer, it’s more than that. We extend our “I don’t do” lists so far that we talk ourselves out of a potential…something. We never find out what that something is because we don’t let it go further. We figure the deal breaker is protecting us from heartbreak, disappointment, confusion. Um, yeah… how’s that working out for you? (Said in my best Dr. Phil voice)

So let’s reconsider some deal breakers that we have that probably don’t really belong on a list of reasons to rule out someone, shall we? I will go first:

I never dated someone unemployed. Now, I am not trolling Georgia Department of Labor for dates or anything. I would however, give a guy a second look if he seems like a kind person. Circumstances arise that may cause some people to be in transition. Does that mean they aren’t dateable?

Ok, your turn. What dating deal breaker are you willing to reevaluate?

A quick poll of my single friends and I found that their deal breakers included: someone with full custody of their children; someone less educated; someone unfit or doesn’t work out regularly. What do you think? Are these legit or kind of ridiculous?

It’s almost as if we are meeting and dating, but when we spot a “human” thing, we just check out on the date or relationship.  Then less effort is made to take things further.  I can speak intelligently about this because I have done this too many times than I even want to admit to myself, let along you guys.  I am working on it though, this counts for something, right? Personal growth points maybe? It’s all part of the dating process, I think. Live and learn.

I just think that single men and women could both use a healthy dose of humility. Do you believe that men are more willing to overlook their “deal breakers” then women? Wait, do men still have dating deal breakers!?

Happy Thursday!

430 comments Add your comment

Kimmy

July 15th, 2010
8:24 am

Hi,
I try to think that I am very open, but I met a guy at the airport. He was a driver. We talked on the phone and he seemed nice. We met for ice cream a fews days later and he had a tattoo that looked like a 4yr old wrote it. He told me he had been to prison after his girlfriend accused him of rape.. Deal Breaker — sexual assault, and a prison tattoo? I also don’t date married regardless of the “we’re seperated”, if you don’t take care of your children, do drugs, have no job (and not looking), done time (serious crimes), and smoke. I don’t think my deal breakers are crazy, but it’s amazing what comes up while dating that you never cosider until your date tells you about it.

LeeH1

July 15th, 2010
8:35 am

Women withut common manners are deal breakers. Someone who is rude to waitresses and doormen, can’t chew without closing her mouth, or uses the “f” word every other sentence, is not for me.

It takes very little outside of some love and attention to teach a child how to be polite. Those who did not have a caring parent do this to them, could never be able to teach their own child how to be polite, either.

Manners are the oil that keeps the machinery of society moving. Date someone without manners, and you will end up with many rusty and inflammed points that need some oil to move on, but won’t get any.

Nativeson71

July 15th, 2010
8:42 am

The older I get (I’m 39) the fewer ‘deal-breakers’ I have…but some I hold fast to are: tattoos and I don’t mean that tiny ‘bumble bee’ on your ankle I mean FULLY sleaved out biker bar tats and the person does not know that a HOG is a Harley (aka a poser).
Excessive Drinking, anyone who is a ‘foodie’, mentally asleep, slobs, drug use, STD’s, and over weight by more than 15lbs.

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
8:43 am

Hola!

I don’t have any crazy deal breakers. For starters I don’t start asking people about their pedigree. I let the conversation flow, however if certain things come up. Oh well, he can hit the road, jack.

A friend from high school was trying to date me. We went out a few times, and I know his family, friends etc. Therefore we talked about everything. Well I asked him why his marriage failed, he gave me some reasons. However in those reasons it came out that he and the ex-Mrs. used to fight. :shock: Physical fights, he even told her if she called her daddy or brothers he was ready and would shoot them. I talk a lot of mess, but something about Ike Turner scares me and it is not normal The funny thing is I always thought he was kind, meek and very mild tempered. I never would have thought he fought with his ex-wife, and he found it normal. He even referenced some of his family members relationships and said it happens over time. Needless to say it was a deal breaker, and I found myself doing a disappearing act.

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
8:57 am

Here is my list of deal breakers:

1. Bad hygiene

2. Crazy

3. wife beater and I am not talking about the shirt

4. Vulgar don’t step to me talking about getting my goodies, and thinking that is a compliment.

5. Someone that lacks a sense of humor—personally life is not that serious enjoy the journey it is short.

6. Closed minded I cannot stand for someone to not believe you or criticize just because of the lack of knowledge/understanding.

7. Was on lockdown for a violent or sexual crime

8. Bad habits/addictions- drinking, drugs, gambling, porn etc

9. Bad teeth

10. Unreliable car

11. Does not have a plan or goals in life

12. Someone that is not a lifelong learner

13. Bad manners

14. Disrespectful to their mom, sisters and women in general

15. Know it all

16. Ego tripping

17. Liar/Sociopath

DreamsMaterialize

July 15th, 2010
8:59 am

I’m only dating women who have more education and income than I do. Time for them to bring something to the table. How ’bout that? lol

It's me....lurker

July 15th, 2010
9:03 am

Deal breakers (and holding to)? Well, it depends. I think it’s been discussed before that as you grow and get older one should revisit and tweak accordingly. What may have been a deal breaker in your twenties more than likely has taken a back seat or leave once we approach our thirties….so forth and so on. More than likely it’s probably not not all that important anymore. As you get older though, who wants to deal with keeping or adhering to a laundry list? Not me. As long as certain actions aren’t “tolerated” nor compromises principles and honor, talk it out or think it over better yet, do away with it.

I was watching a couple of old Divorce Court episodes this morning and really some things shouldn’t even hit a list….some should just be a given. One case, a married woman of 4 years, husband had 2 children by 2 different outside the marriage. Deal breaker? That’s too kind of a description. Throw him away…period. The other case, woman (looked like late 30s early 40s) marries unemployed 23 year old. She’s got 4 kids prior to their nuptials and 1 with him….he’s got 5 more aside from hers…insert blank stare here. Both women broken and crying. Why? Folks all around have experienced enough things for me to not even broach. Why even go there? And in the event folks true colors come through after the fact (I don’t believe that myself because no matter the representative if you look hard enough you catch a glimsp into the real person….but okay), do the needful. Why wait for a leopard to change his spots? Both these women obviously didn’t have any deal breakers. Everything was ago.

DreamsMaterialize

July 15th, 2010
9:03 am

8. Bad habits/addictions- drinking, drugs, gambling, porn etc
Dang Double D’s so if it wasn’t for my secret porn stash, you mean I might have a shot? ;-)

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
9:03 am

DreamsM,

I am not mad at you! While you at it make sure that chick can at least solve a quadratic equation!

LOL

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
9:04 am

DreamsM,

Since you are kind of sexy I might issue you a waiver on that secret stash. :wink:

blue-7/30

July 15th, 2010
9:09 am

GM all – is it friday yet?
deal breakers, hmmmm, think diana made a good list there. new deal breaker for me now that im in my 30s, smoking. any kind of smoking. had the attitude when i was younger love will get around it, or i can convince him to quit. nope, that doesnt work. you smell, and im constantly going ewwww. cant do that one anymore. more in the mind now you smoke around me, and i get sick, im taking you with me. so probably best for both of us to leave those ones alone lol

Steven Q. Stanley

July 15th, 2010
9:09 am

A great topic for the 30+ single ladies who are on the path to dying alone. It’s always funny to see a 30+ woman break up with a great guy over something trivial, because it’s a “deal breaker”.

luckydog

July 15th, 2010
9:12 am

Tatoos! All of them.
Smoking
Foul mouth
sloppy
too trendy clothes
poor vocabulary
bad teeth
big hair
too forward
fat
strong perfume
these are door slammers.

DreamsMaterialize

July 15th, 2010
9:17 am

Double D’s I’m guessing quadratic equations aren’t a problem for you. Plus, you’ll give me a pass on the porn stash. What we waitin’ for? ;-)

Kimmy

July 15th, 2010
9:17 am

@ LeeH1
I forgot that..You are so right manners are very important. People forget that people provide a service and are not servants. That drives me crazy also

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
9:18 am

@blue smoking is a good one…although I do indulge in a good cigar from time to time…lol

@luckydog great list I like the sloppy…not sure what is too trendy

@Steven @, you did save a 30-something woman, right? I keep thinking you have a GF…yes or no.

Luvbug

July 15th, 2010
9:24 am

Steve Q – I’ve been waiting for you to pop in all week pumpkin. Do you know how hilarious you are?! Just the laugh I needed this morning.

Kimmy – Assault, tattoos and prison oh my!! What a wasted opportunity. Aint that right Steve Q?

I’m sure I have deal breakers, but I’ve not had a lot of chances to apply them so far. I need a little time to think about it.

blue-7/30

July 15th, 2010
9:24 am

@kimmy@LeeH1 – manners, very definitely. people providing a service and are not servants – needs to be repeated. is it so hard to say thank you, please, and excuse me? or to show a person a little patience (when appropriate mind u, everything has a limit lol)
@Dreams – secret porn stash – not always that big a deal breaker lol. depends on whats in there……hmmmmm
@Diana@Steven – “saved” her, lol. sounds like there heathens needing to be brought to the light lol. interesting ? about him being attached, cause would find his constant thoughts about woman dying alone to be rather toolish. is someone trying to save him?

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
9:25 am

What we waitin’ for?

We are waitin’ for the bar to open so we can discuss this over a sangria :wink:

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
9:30 am

@blue I know you haven’t read me long. When I said “saved” to Steven Q I was referring to Cap’n save a ho ho ho you know the old song. Like you I find him worrying about single women, dying alone with a house full of cats a waste of time for a man that is in a relationship. You would think he would be worried about pleasing his woman.

Luvbug~ I was waiting on him too…he gives us a good laugh and I like the one track man process…add that to my list of deal breakers. I don’t want a man that can only talk about one subject…that is too much passion outside of the bedroom.

I am whatever you say I am

July 15th, 2010
9:33 am

Some of my deal breakers (not in any order):
1) Gay
2) Multiple children by multiple women(If he didn’t marry them, why would he marry me?
3) Long Fingernails
4) Drinks Excessively
5) Intentionally unemployed when they cannot afford to be unemployed
6) Dude is just a straight up player
7) Poor Hygiene
8) Does not like or doesn’t want children
9) Negative Attitude
10) Does not respect or treat myself or my child right.

I am whatever you say I am

July 15th, 2010
9:33 am

didn’t know that eight followed by ) would result in 8)

Scooter

July 15th, 2010
9:34 am

I can’t stand guys who poop with the bathroom door open.

Luvbug

July 15th, 2010
9:35 am

Dirty D – Yeah, Steve 30+ is a piece of work. He is definitely on a mission (like a superhero)…poor future Mrs. Steve 30+. She must miss his time away.

DreamsMaterialize

July 15th, 2010
9:35 am

Dreams – secret porn stash – not always that big a deal breaker lol. depends on whats in there……hmmmmm
blue nothing wierd. just enough to add some excitement to things.

Double D’s why didn’t you say so? Will that be a white wine sangria or the traditional red? Now let’s get down to business. lol

Luvbug

July 15th, 2010
9:36 am

…miss him being away to often…

blue-7/30

July 15th, 2010
9:38 am

@Diana – i see what you mean. unfortunately, now i have a mental pic of dude, for some reason in bad shape, in a super hero outfit (Capn Save-a-ho). he does seem to be a one trick pony tho…
@I am – #5 – most def. dont understand how all these men with no jobs and apparently no ambitions to get one, living off friends and fam, get women to stick around. need you to at least be able to take of yourself

I am whatever you say I am

July 15th, 2010
9:42 am

Blue- I don’t understand that one either…

Leggs

July 15th, 2010
9:42 am

Good morning!

Deal Breakers:

1. Bad teef
2. Bad Manners
3. Live w/Mama (don’t really care the reason)
4. Bad teef
5. Knows everything
6. Bad hygiene
7. No car
8. Bad teef
9. Ask me for money day 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6….
10. Bad teef

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
9:44 am

Will that be a white wine sangria or the traditional red?

surprise me when you order for me

@Luvbug :arrow: see blue’s 9:38 that is what I saw him wearing

@Blue yep that is what I see him wearing as well with some foggy eyeglasses bi-focals

blue-7/30

July 15th, 2010
9:49 am

@Diana – needs a catch phrase now, like Superman “faster than a speeding bullet”….cant think of one…..

SlimOne

July 15th, 2010
9:50 am

‘I’m only dating women who have more education and income than I do. Time for them to bring something to the table. How ’bout that? lol’

Dreams – awww mayne, guess that rules me out. I have a CT Degree, will that work? lol

I have no issue with a guy that partakes in a little Adult Cinema….I just don’t want anyone who is ADDICTED to it or who feels the need to play with themselves on an abnormal level. That’s when it becomes creepy

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
9:50 am

@I am…wassup #1 and #2 is so true

SlimOne

July 15th, 2010
9:51 am

Oh yeah, HI FOLKS ;-)

Chelly

July 15th, 2010
9:54 am

CHELLY’S DEAL BREAKERS THAT ARE UN-BREAKABLE:

- Failure to tip our restaurant server

- Bragging about how well he can dance

- Failure to ever use a turn signal when on our date

- Backs into parking spaces for no apparent reason

- Uses the expression “keeping it real”

- Mentions he has a “baby mama”

- Doesn’t know what a credit report is

- Never voted in any election BEFORE the fall of 2008

- Neck tattoos

- Goes into a sulking rage whenever a police office is nearby

- Ends sentences with prepositions

Leggs

July 15th, 2010
9:57 am

“Doesn’t know what a credit report is” RUN, RUN, RUN!

This person must be a Caveman!

abc

July 15th, 2010
9:59 am

I guess anything that would describe a loser or ill-mannered azzhole would be deal breakers. They don’t seem to be that variable person-to-person. Even ending sentences with prepositions isn’t that far out of line, although ‘ax’ for ‘ask’, ‘da’ for ‘the’, ‘dem’ for ‘them’ tend to be my own pet peeves.

It’s not so much what are deal breakers, but rather more what are deal makers. Intelligent and pleasant company that looks great with lots of sex appeal, that you’d be pleased to introduce to your mama, is a definite plus plus.

blue-7/30

July 15th, 2010
10:00 am

@Slim – or who plays alone instead of me. if im right here, and youd still rather fly solo, and i dont have, like smallpox or something lol, somethings wrong and we may need to trim the collection.
@Chelly – - Backs into parking spaces for no apparent reason – lmao, just sounds so random, but now that its mentioned, is annoying as all he!!, lmao.
neck and face tatts get under my skin too, altho will admit i have one on the back of my neck. somehow doesnt seem the same to me as dude with the ace of spades over his adams apple.

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 15th, 2010
10:01 am

There is something about TheDude that would have been a dealbreaker in the past, but since I’ve experienced some personal growth, it’s now a non-issue.

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 15th, 2010
10:03 am

abc – “It’s not so much what are deal breakers, but rather more what are deal makers. Intelligent and pleasant company that looks great with lots of sex appeal, that you’d be pleased to introduce to your mama, is a definite plus plus.”

I like THAT^!

Fresh-----JAM ON IT!

July 15th, 2010
10:04 am

Enter your comments here

Kym

July 15th, 2010
10:05 am

Good Morning All,

I would have to say a deal breaker for me that I could possible get over is I rule guys out based on intelligence. I mean I am really into learning new stuff and things and if I meet a guy who seems nice and kind but is not particularly well-round in terms of current events outside of who is getting kick out on Big Brother..then I tend to shy away from them..or keep them at friend distance. I really think it is important to be a good citizen and well informed(as much as you can) about things outside of your little world if a guy is not..I look down on him. Yeah I could stand to do better…

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
10:05 am

blue yes we need a slogan for Steven Q.

SlimOne

July 15th, 2010
10:09 am

blue – I would think, at least let me watch. Not sure what it is about seeing a man be one with himself but me likey likey :mrgreen:

Fresh-----JAM ON IT!

July 15th, 2010
10:09 am

GM TO ALL! I REALLY DON’T HAVE ANY DEALBREAKERS BUT SOME THINGS THAT GIVE ME PAUSE ARE

Dirty Diana 101° ♠

July 15th, 2010
10:10 am

Chelly I love your list. I get mad when a car keeps going and then pump the breaks to back in a space. LOL

I am whatever you say I am

July 15th, 2010
10:10 am

Tatoos on a dude that are visible are okay for me in the following situations:

The dude is freakin stinkin rich
He has his own business and it brings in a substantial amount of money that he can support himself and a future family
He’s an actor or artist (but I don’t really date those kind of dudes anyone)

If he works in corporate america then the tats cannot be visible while wearing work clothes

I am whatever you say I am

July 15th, 2010
10:11 am

typo: (but I don’t really date those kind of dudes anyway)

I am whatever you say I am

July 15th, 2010
10:14 am

I want a thug in the sheets and a gentleman in the streets :mrgreen:

kimmie

July 15th, 2010
10:15 am

Good morning!

Dealbreakers – well I would call them standards. They are also like an opinion – everyone is entitled to them. What might seem unrealistic to others just might be working in your favor or you might have a good reason for having it. My big one that I have had since I started dating is smoking. That’s because I grew up with a chain-smoker and I vowed once I left home I would never deal with it anymore. Smoking has affected my family in a negative way(lung diseases). I don’t like anything about it. One of my close friends used to criticize me about it and say the guy could not do it around me & brush his teeth, etc. I told her that wouldn’t take away the odor and at some point a man is going to want to smoke in his own home. What would I look like telling a man what he could & couldn’t do in his home? She got the message.

Wise, I think you should hold on to the not dating the unemployed, at least not starting out with someone unemployed. See, it’s different if you have been dating someone awhile and they lose their job. As long as they are making an effort, it’s all good. But starting out with a man unemployed, I don’t know about that. Personally, I don’t think a guy should be trying to date until he gets a job and gets on his feet. Just creates issues.I say this from personal experience.