accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Could you handle a prolonged engagement?

According to news reports, NBA player, Carmelo Anthony and LaLa Vazquez finally tied the knot after years of being engaged.  Some  had begun calling Vazquez the eternal fiance (seriously, google that term!) since the amount of time from proposal to wedding day was five years.

It’s anyone’s guess what the reason for the prolonged engagement was but I figured that they were both in no huge hurry to get married.  The fact that they had remained together after the proposal and “promise” to get married seemed like enough for them.

Are more couples prolonging their engagement these days?  If you were engaged to be married, would you want to get married right away?

Do you think that a prolonged engagement is a sign of something deeper?  Does it mean cold feet or could it be that it’s actually a good thing to be engaged for an extended amount of time?

What would you do if there was an official marriage proposal but the actual wedding, pre-marriage planning was stalled?

396 comments Add your comment

czBrat ... in a 3 year engagement

July 14th, 2010
8:26 am

GM All!

what a coinkydink :wink:
it’s not s/o’s preference, but for now it’s a must.

is it friday yet? *sigh*

[...] Could you handle a prolonged engagement?Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog)According to news reports, NBA player, Carmelo Anthony and LaLa Vazquez finally tied the knot after years of being engaged. Some had begun calling Vazquez …Inside the rich red wedding of LaLa Vazquez and Carmelo AnthonyCNN InternationalLala Vasquez: How I Lost 15 Pounds for Carmelo Anthony WeddingCBS NewsCarmelo Anthony, LaLa Vasquez Throw Star-Studded New York WeddingMTV.comPeace FM Online -New York Times (blog) -Baltimore Sunall 506 news articles » [...]

Dirty Diana ♠

July 14th, 2010
8:32 am

Hola!

Hey czBrat!

I think this depends on the couple.

czBrat ... in a 3 year engagement

July 14th, 2010
8:41 am

hola mamacita!

you’re right. depends on the couple. in our case, i don’t think we’ll make it the full 3 years. we’ll probably compromise on where/when to uproot the kiddies and start a home together. i’m the one insisting on waiting until all have finished h.s & moved on to college. we’ll see.

so how U doin?

Dirty Diana ♠

July 14th, 2010
8:52 am

Brat I am doing great. I can see why a three year engagement is working for your relationship. Have you seen the articles about couples that get married and maintain two households because of the kiddies? What do you think about that notion?

blue-7/30

July 14th, 2010
8:55 am

GM all –
seems i was supposed to leave the end of day quote eysterday, so i guess we’ll make it a start of day quote -

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing”.
George Bernard Shaw

czBrat ... in a 3 year engagement

July 14th, 2010
8:58 am

hiya blue!

yes ma’am. that was his suggestion but i cant go for that nooo! (borrowing your hall & oates voice). i’d rather wait or just make the move to fayetteville *shudder* to be with him.

DreamsMaterialize

July 14th, 2010
9:01 am

Morning
How long two people set their engagement is up to them. People have to do what works for their relationship, no matter how absurd we outsiders think it seems. If people said “phluck what other people think” more often, then more of these relationships might last.

Que pasa czBrat!

Double D’s how you doing this morning?

blue-7/30

July 14th, 2010
9:02 am

on topic – i think more couples are extending engagements these days as the standards have changed for modern culture. for years it was the norm to get married young, then move in together and have kids. its more socially acceptable now to change the order to what suits you instead of being forced into the marital mold.
as for the reasons, i agree it depends on teh couple, sometimes its cold feet or an example of i dont quite wanna get married, but dont want you to move on either, so if i propose youll stick around. for others its i wanna be able to give you the wedding you want and i cant afford it. so many reasons, but not quite for me tho….if we’re getting married, lets do it…courthouse weddings work out just fine lmao!

blue-7/30

July 14th, 2010
9:03 am

hey Diana, Dreams, CZ

oh, @cz, took mr.blue to fellinis friday, he gave it a 7 out fo 10!

czBrat ... in a 3 year engagement

July 14th, 2010
9:09 am

Dreams, todo bien compadre. y tu?

LOL … mr. blue sounds like a tough customer. a real boogie-down native!

my first marriage was after a long engagement too. i’ve never claimed to be spontaneous :)

time to go play in traffic.

czBrat ... in a 3 year engagement

July 14th, 2010
9:11 am

speaking of spontaneous. s/o keeps trying to talk me into a vegas getaway. says he thinks i’ll luv it, but i think it’s best i stay away. hmmmmmmm.

DreamsMaterialize

July 14th, 2010
9:23 am

blue how goes it? There used to be pizza spot called Anthony’s in the West End that was pretty good. made good calzones too. don’t know if it’s there anymore.

czBrat bien mama. estoy listo por el fin de semana, un poco de comida, un poco de tequila, mujeres…lo de siempre. ;-)

Chink

July 14th, 2010
9:26 am

Morning

I think it depends on the relationship. Currently if I was to be proposed to I would want a long engagement not to say I dont love the person but I think some things need to be resolved before taking the plunge.

I don’t think I have ever been ready to get married right away no matter who it was …I am more concerned with longevity than the celebration.

blue-7/30

July 14th, 2010
9:34 am

@Dreams – havent had a calzone in a long time. may have to check that place out, keep trying to find new places. are you from NY too?
@Chink – longevity rather than celebration – good point. think a lot of folks tend to miss that, so caught up in the party of the wedding that the marriage itself gets lost.

Sassy Me...Chocolate Cutey :-)

July 14th, 2010
9:40 am

I am more concerned with longevity than the celebration.

Worth repeating. That’s a very simply stated thought chink but the meaning behind it is anything but. I think that’s something people should think about b/c too many times I’ve seen women more in love with the wedding and all of the trappings that go along with it than the commitment(really the other person) involved…all they see is the fruition of this grandiose production they’ve dreamed of since they were little girls. Once the celebration has worn off and reality sets in…now what?

And during those 5 years of engagement...

July 14th, 2010
9:41 am

…how many kids does Carmelo have around the NBA cities?

Dig That

July 14th, 2010
9:43 am

Morning erybody

@Chink- I agree with that. Longetivity is the key. The celebration last but a couple hours. We leave in a different culture now and no one knows what the “norm” or “tradition” is anymore anyway. On the other hand I know ppl that were engaged longer than they were married. Make the engagement period count, might be able to avoid the bullshyt.

Dig That

July 14th, 2010
9:44 am

Once the celebration has worn off and reality sets in…now what?

REALITY ALL OVER AGAIN

Raqi

July 14th, 2010
9:45 am

IMO you shouldn’t ask someone to marry you nor should you accept a marriage proposal if you are not ready at that time to get married. I know some people have lengthy engagements, 6 months to 1 year, to plan and prepare for the wedding. Especially if you are having an elaborate shindig. That’s understandable.

And the other instance that I think long engagements are in place when the proposal comes soon after meeting. My parents met and married 8 months later. My dad asked her to marry him in their first conversation. They were engaged for 8 months and stayed married for 42 years until death parted them. I jokingly told my mom once that my dad took her off the market first and then got to know her before marrying.

IMO if you feel you know the person well enough and you want to get married just do the dang thang. What are you waiting for?

Yeah I know folks have their reasons but this is just my opinion.

However a lot of times you hear of people proposing and/or agreeing to get engaged to get the other person off their back about marriage, yet we hear that the marriages many times never take place. Or the engagements last 5, 6, 10 years. In those instances it is clear that one party is not ready at the time to get married but they find that agreeing to at least get engage takes the pressure off. The drawn out engagements buy time.

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
9:51 am

IMO you shouldn’t ask someone to marry you nor should you accept a marriage proposal if you are not ready at that time to get married.

I totally agree, in fact this is what came to mind the minute I read the topic. Until you’re ready to get married, don’t ask & don’t accept.

And yes, it depends on the couple & the circumstances as to how long the engagement is.

Morning All!

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 14th, 2010
9:51 am

Do what works for you. Period.
Joining hands with the “Relationship, not the ceremony.”

The wedding industry has turned weddings into a billion dollar a year machine that chews up and spits out the weak among us.

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
9:52 am

Brat – You will LOVE Vegas!

Trust me!

Dig That

July 14th, 2010
9:52 am

“However a lot of times you hear of people proposing and/or agreeing to get engaged to get the other person off their back about marriage”

@Raqi- I ain’t never had no booty that good.

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
9:53 am

The wedding industry has turned weddings into a billion dollar a year machine that chews up and spits out the weak among us.

SCool – Yep! Take any everyday item and attach “wedding” to it and it triples in price!

blue-7/30

July 14th, 2010
9:56 am

“The wedding industry has turned weddings into a billion dollar a year machine that chews up and spits out the weak among us.”
brings to mind those folks who spend all this time planning the extravagant wedding, actually go into debt for it, and then marriage ends up constant bickering now over finances trying to pay off those bills. IMO, spend less time about the party and more time on the reality to come.

Leggs

July 14th, 2010
9:57 am

Good morning.

@blue ~ your start of the day quote just as good. Someone probably did a quote when they saw you didn’t. Melo usually jumps in!

Giving Fellini’s a 7 out of 10 isn’t bad. Try The Pizzeria’s stuffed pizza located at Chamblee Tucker Road in the shopping center where The Velvet Room is. I think he may rate it an 8.5 (LOL).

Dig That

July 14th, 2010
9:57 am

@Dreams- I think I know which pizza place you are talking about and if I’m not mistaken they are no longer there

Dig That

July 14th, 2010
9:59 am

and then marriage ends up constant bickering now over finances trying to pay off those bills.

@blue- That is so real. And they say most divorces or friction among married couples is due to finances.

Melo

July 14th, 2010
10:01 am

Good morning folks!

so an engagement is supposed to achieve what…..tease??? It seems its a statement reading,I wanna marry you at some point!

Why not wait when u are ready to marry and then just go to the court house??

So after u get engaged, do females stop asking that nagging and persistent question, When are we getting married?

Does it stop?? Fellas..please let me know,those of u who have been there.

Another waste of money in my view??

Purple Rain

July 14th, 2010
10:01 am

Long engagement? Ask her to marry you get on a plane and go get married. My 24hour engagement was to long before we got married. Seriously, I do not think that there should be a time limit on engagements. Whatever works for the two of you is fine, there are tons of circumstances for different people, and just because you got engaged does not mean that you are going to get married, for certain.

blue-7/30

July 14th, 2010
10:04 am

@Leggs – good deal, didnt want to blow my first assignment lol! adding The Pizzeria to the places to try list.
@Melo – courthouse all the way. heard so many woman say they spent all this money on the killer wedding, but were too tired and frazzled from the planning, bills, and sheer excitement to enjoy it. WTH??? take that money, make a down payment on your house and move on….
@Dig – yep, finances one of the top marriage killers, why set yourself up from teh beginning?

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
10:07 am

So after u get engaged, do females stop asking that nagging and persistent question, When are we getting married?

Melo – This should be a non-issue for a smart woman, cause who would want to marry someone she had to nag to do it?

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
10:10 am

just because you got engaged does not mean that you are going to get married, for certain.

Purple – But shouldn’t it be? I mean, I am of the mindset that if you are not sure or not ready, don’t get engaged.

“Hey, let’s get engaged and then see what happens” – Makes no sense to me.

abc

July 14th, 2010
10:10 am

Engagement indicates intent. An expensive ring represents the man has skin in the game. Notice there is no such thing as an engagement ring for a man, because the indication of intent and public representation of it is different for women.

How long the engagement goes on is a personal choice. I figure it’s usually a personal choice of one person or the other if the engagement goes on for a long time, rather than mutual agreement — although I’m sure some couples have prolonged engagements because that’s what they both want. After people are engaged for a period of time, if the stated intent is real, the reasons for not getting married yet become more emotional than rational.

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 14th, 2010
10:10 am

My plan WAS to get married barefoot on a beach on the Gulf Coast. (I may have to sue BP for the emotional distress of effin up my future wedding plans.)

Now, I can see myself getting married in a whitewashed clapboard church in the country with only folks that I can call at three a.m. (I’m not paying for a reception to invite folks that don’t know my middle name.)

Dig That

July 14th, 2010
10:11 am

cause who would want to marry someone she had to nag to do it?

@kimmie- You would be surprised

Melo

July 14th, 2010
10:12 am

This should be a non-issue for a smart woman, cause who would want to marry someone she had to nag to do it?

@Kimmie??

so paint the picture for me..u are living in ur own house and he is living in his and u have this big blinking rock for ur engagement that u carry on u every day.

So u do what as the female….sit and wait and wait and wait,hoping one day u are going to hear him say, Ding!, ……… the marriage is gon be on this or that day…??

How does it work??

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
10:13 am

You would be surprised

Dig – Naw, I wouldn’t, I know of a few! Just smh out loud!LOL!!

blue-7/30

July 14th, 2010
10:14 am

if ive got to nag you, theres no point. if youve asked me to marry you, then lets do the thing. if i say lets do it and you go ummmmmmmm…then never mind.
@sexycool – lmao, no half sisters of a third cousin twice removed on your uncles side?

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 14th, 2010
10:15 am

“So u do what as the female….sit and wait and wait and wait,hoping one day u are going to hear him say, Ding!, ……… the marriage is gon be on this or that day…??”

Um…Yeah…no…sometimes, Melo you act like females are dumb as a box of rocks.

What you do is have a conversation about setting a date.

Purple Rain

July 14th, 2010
10:15 am

kimmie, I see both sides of it. One is if you ask you should be ready to marry right then and there, the other if you get engaged you are seriously committing even more of yourself to that person and want to make sure each of your “affairs” are in order. As you all know I am more of the ask and “if she says yes lets go do it now type person”. :)

Purple Rain

July 14th, 2010
10:16 am

I hear women asking other women, when is he going to ask you to marry him. Is that soon followed by, when are you all getting married?

Melo

July 14th, 2010
10:17 am

sometimes, Melo you act like females are dumb as a box of rocks.

@Sexxycool??

becoz i asked a qstion about a process iam not familiar with??

GTFOH

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
10:18 am

So u do what as the female….sit and wait and wait and wait,hoping one day u are going to hear him say, Ding!, ……… the marriage is gon be on this or that day…??

How does it work??

Melo – How did it work for you? Because I thought only TWO CONSENTING adults got married, not a man and a girl. I thought after the engagement took place, the two of you come to an agreement as to when the marriage should take place – will we be going to the courthouse or the pastor’s study next week or tomorrow or are we having a big shindig where we need to pick a date and start booking things?

I mean, the two of you are getting married and this is the first decision the two of you should make together, I would think. But what do I know?

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 14th, 2010
10:20 am

You still act like that sometimes, Melo.

czBrat

July 14th, 2010
10:21 am

Long engagement? Ask her to marry you get on a plane and go get married.
and this is why i’m avoiding vegas …. for now.

Melo, in our case it’s a matter of commitment. he felt he needed the promise that all the things we discuss and plan we will stick to and achieve together. and i’m happy to make that promise and stick to it, as long as we are taking the time to build a foundation for the marriage. frankly, i would see and feel no differently about him with or without an ‘engagement’, but it was important to him. that’s why he went ahead and asked even though he knew i was not ready for marriage right now.

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
10:22 am

Melo, I thought we were talking about a relationship here, not a dictatorship!

Purple – your 10:15, that makes sense. But I still say, emotionally, you should be ready when you ask.

kimmie

July 14th, 2010
10:24 am

Brat – Now your 10:21 makes perfect sense too.

Melo

July 14th, 2010
10:25 am

Melo – How did it work for you? Because I thought only TWO CONSENTING adults got married, not a man and a girl.

@Kimmie..good come back..

i never got engaged..wssnt necessary,never saw the point,hence my ignorance…i called my babes up,lets meet, i wanna talk about some to u…ofcourse that was after all my peeps knew my girl and i knew hers..yada yada yada..then i say i want us to get married…she says thats cool..and all i had to ask her was who are the pple on her side that my pple have to contact so our two pple can get the ball rolling for the day we did the customary wedding stuff..more like diplomats setting the stage for a presidential visit to Japan.

In this engagement thing,looks like the man is putting the woman on a laya-way..then the chic is waiting for when hes gon show up verbalizing his desire to complete the sale…kinda??!!!(is that how i make uall look stupid SexxyCool?</strong)) :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol: