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Are you being strung along?

When you are truly interested in someone it seems as if you are just supposed to go for the gusto.  I never was a fan of the vague and semi-interested approach to dating.  I know that I am a cautious person but nature, but if there are any doubts or uncertainty that a guy is interested, they are usually there because of good reason.

So how can you really tell if someone is actually interested in you?  We all seem to meet that one person that seems to string us along.  Doing just enough to stay in the mix but not enough that it counts as real effort.  How would you handle that type?

I don’t have much patience, admittedly, so I tend to disengage altogether.  I don’t like having my time wasted and I try not to do that to others.  What is an appropriate amount of time and effort that you think signifies when someone is being honest about their intentions or motivations?

Happy Monday!

483 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

July 12th, 2010
8:23 am

Morning
Doing just enough to stay in the mix but not enough that it counts as real effort.
I’ve been guilty of this when I wasn’t looking for a relationship. In the cases where she wanted the same thing, it wasn’t an issue. In other cases where the woman wanted more, she let me know. Honest and open communication pre-empts alot of problems.

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 12th, 2010
8:27 am

Hola!

I think I will lurk on this one. I will say this, when I feel like this is happening I pull out all together (I will have a conversation with the gent).

@Dreams, how are ya’? Did you have a good weekend?

Beautiful

July 12th, 2010
8:43 am

gmorn! *yaaaawwwwnnn*

Shelby

July 12th, 2010
8:50 am

I’ve too encountered on occasion guys that ” do just enough to stay in the mix”. It becomes really frustrating when you think your on the same page based on conversations and interactions only to find out that this person is not. At this point I pull out all together. If someone is truly on the same page with you and is looking to build with you they are not interested in stringing you along. Relationships are hard already. Why waste your time with an under interested candidate?

DreamsMaterialize

July 12th, 2010
8:51 am

Hey Prof Things are good on my end. My weekend was relaxing. What did you end up doing?

SlimOne

July 12th, 2010
8:56 am

Good morning ALL….

Chink

July 12th, 2010
9:13 am

Morning

I guess you can tell by how much time that person spends with you. Appropriate time spent together …Well I would think daily phone communication and spending 3-4 days a week together.

blue-7/30

July 12th, 2010
9:14 am

GM all – happy monday
the vague, semi interested approach seems to me to an ego trip for them. just how long can they get the other person to hang around without really do anything. seems to be the method of those that are way consumed in themselves. f your that consumed in yourself, where do you have time for me? never had much patience for that.

mark

July 12th, 2010
9:19 am

good morning! everyone! Happy Monday!

Leggs

July 12th, 2010
9:19 am

Good morning, everyone!

I have done everything in my power not to be strung along. It’s not hard to detect if you take off the “rose-colored” glasses! Clear communication, void of innuendos and slick responses, leaves a clear picture if parties are on the same page.

SlimOne

July 12th, 2010
9:21 am

One can also be strung along even when the person that’s doing the stringing, does appear to put forth some effort (i.e spending a substantial amount of time together, keeping up frequent communication, etc) They may just have that much time on their hands to put up appearances, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have any intention on allowing things to get serious.

i'm swiss

July 12th, 2010
9:24 am

Good morning, all…

Not much to say on topic. I don’t play games. If I like you, you will know it. If I only want to phluck you, you will know that, too (though, I’ll let it be known in more diplomatic terms);-)

Off topic… Hope everyone had a great weekend — I know I did… :evil: :-D ;-)

Lori

July 12th, 2010
9:25 am

Good Morning!

I have a male friend that I could be head over heals for – but we’re both really busy with our careers. In other words, I can’t give hime relationship time right now, but I would love to have hime for a hook up once or twice a week – is that so wrong. Please don’t judge me. I want him and only him. I am going to lurk and read your responses.

Lori

July 12th, 2010
9:25 am

sorry it should have been “him”

i'm swiss

July 12th, 2010
9:29 am

Lori — Somehow, I don’t think you friend would have a problem with that… Just sayin’… :lol:

i'm swiss

July 12th, 2010
9:29 am

oops… “your friend”

Chink

July 12th, 2010
9:35 am

Slim

I would think with all that communication and time spending the discussion on where you are at as in a relationship would be brought up. That’s not stringing along thats just lying then.

By the way you can only be strung along for so long before it becomes obvious that one party is just in denial about what kind of relationship it is. I have seen that too many times.

Trevor0529

July 12th, 2010
9:40 am

Good Morning,

Hope everyone’s weekend was fun.

@Lori, I agree with Swiss. Your friend should be cool with that. Throw the idea at him and see what he thinks. Can’t hurt!
:)

Trevor0529

July 12th, 2010
9:41 am

I need a vacation day. Dayum I am tired!!

Dig That

July 12th, 2010
9:51 am

but I would love to have hime for a hook up once or twice a week – is that so wrong.

@Lori- nothing wrong with a little tune-up.

Good morning erybody. Hope everyone had a good weekend. I sure did and tired tired tired.

blue-7/30

July 12th, 2010
9:54 am

@chink – By the way you can only be strung along for so long before it becomes obvious that one party is just in denial about what kind of relationship it is. good point that the “stringing” is a 2 part game, the one stringing along and the one refusing to see it for what it is. both parties needing some self eval there i think

Melo

July 12th, 2010
9:59 am

but I would love to have hime for a hook up once or twice a week – is that so wrong

aaggh,Lori how can that be wrong if thats what u want to do…just do it!

Go head girl!

good morning pple,how was the weekend??

mine was super dupa fly..with Spain doing that damn thang in the real World Cup!

Happy monday!

What is an appropriate amount of time and effort that you think signifies when someone is being honest about their intentions or motivations

Intentions and motivations??? may be a month or two is good enough..u have to assess on a day by day,week by week basis.
If there is no time spend tgether at public places during the day but u mostly meet up duriung the dark hours for some grown up derty,u know u are using each other for that proly and if thats not what u seek..its time to withdraw,literaly and figuratively. :lol:

The problem is articulating exactly what u want,esp if u want to get married coz tht may cause other guys to flee as well.So when u are 23-26, how do let a guy know that u seek marriage eventually?? Chics,let me(us) know.

Because even tho we might say that communication is the answer to WD question above,thats sounds very theoretical. In practice,esp for younger adults,its a very difficult thing to implement without loosing the person(guy) in the process.

For older females(30+),its way more easier,if shes confident of herself, coz the older guys do understand.

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:05 am

Waving @ Professor, Leggs, Lady, Carlito, Dreams, Melo,Dig That, Trevor, Swiss
stringing someone along…..that is just too cruel…

<—-back to lurking

i'm swiss

July 12th, 2010
10:07 am

Trevor / Dig — Must be contagious, ‘cos I could use one of those vacation days today, myself… Went to a toga party over the weekend & after 5-6 hours of ogling Mrs. Swiss in that skimpy little toga of hers (and knowing what was underneath — or rather, what WASN’T underneath) it was ON for quite some time once we got in the car home… :lol: Need some extra caffeine today… :lol:

i'm swiss

July 12th, 2010
10:08 am

Morning, i am… How’s it hanging, chica?

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 12th, 2010
10:10 am

Lori – Just be sure that you know exactly what program you are signing up for if you go that route. It could be that while all you want from him *right now* is physical interaction, that may be all he will *ever* want from you.

I wish you all the best, just caution you to guard your heart. And like many have said, “Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.”

Been Lurkin

July 12th, 2010
10:13 am

Good morning all, been lurking for awhile, figured I would finally post. Lori, just let the guy friend know what you want. If he isn’t already involved with a steady gf or S/O. As for my issue, I’ve with with my current bf for 1.5 years, problem is is during that time, I have yet to meet anybody he knows, such as family or friends. He has met all my family and most of friends. We do live together no children are involved, we have talked of marriage, and of kids. What is ya’lls take on why I haven’t met any of the family members? I have brought it up to him and he keeps saying I will get to soon. My patience is starting to wear then though. Any ideas?

abc

July 12th, 2010
10:14 am

Funny that only the guys tell Lori to go ahead and hit it. Ya dogs!

Not me. Save it for a relationship that you think would lead to marriage, if not marriage itself, Lori. You’ll be glad you did, in the end.

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:15 am

Swiss: girls don’t hang, lol!

Hey, how do you cross out words on the blog?

M. (pronouced M dot)

July 12th, 2010
10:15 am

Monday uggghhh

“Doing just enough to stay in the mix but not enough that it counts as real effort. How would you handle that type?”

This is an interesting topic because though we live in Atlanta which has a high female to male ratio, there is this trend going on the dating scene now of women stringing guys along also. Contrary to what you think, women are playing the field and game also.

Wise, I have a female who is doing this right now acting real busy but still trying to stay in the picture with a random text or call here or there. I deal with them by doing what they are doing to you. Put them on the back burner, focus on other things, dont be to available to them, and basically deal with them on your terms. Dont look to available or dependable. I have to make sure that I always have options and that she doesnt think Im at home waiting on her.

“What is an appropriate amount of time and effort that you think signifies when someone is being honest about their intentions or motivations?”

I give them a good month just to see where they are with things. With smart phones being prevelant these days, I can see how much we text and talk. I also take into account how much they flake out on dates. If they flake out on me once, thats strike 1. If they arent trying to fix their 1st flake out and they flake out again, they are canceled and moved from the Black Book to the Back Book!

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 12th, 2010
10:15 am

Being strung along? A healthy dose of self-esteem, combined with common sense and intuition will go a long way in preventing this occurence.

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:16 am

<—can't get that drop it low song out my head.

i'm swiss

July 12th, 2010
10:17 am

i am…Here’s a cheat-sheet, courtesy of your friendly, neighborhood nerdy whiteboy… ;-)

Chink

July 12th, 2010
10:18 am

Melo

I agree with your assessment on dating with purpose and how you can lose a guy that way. But maybe losing that guy is not such a terrible thing.

Twenties is probably a good age to just a have (clean) fun and focus on career if you don’t have a high school or college sweetheart.

Zsa Zsa

July 12th, 2010
10:18 am

@Been Lurkin – Just don’t marry or Pro create until you have some historical perspective on the guy. I bet he is hiding something – either somebody in the family will tell you whats really up or one of his friends will que you in, they always do! lol

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:19 am

I honestly don’t think there is a huge ration of women/men in Atlanta.
I wikiepedia’ed certain cities and found the numbers to be more like 2-1
Now of course, if you are the type that doesn’t date outside your race and you have unrealistic expecations (must be 6′4,no kids, college degree, makes 60K+ per year) than yea,there is a higher ratio of women to men.

i'm swiss

July 12th, 2010
10:19 am

“Swiss: girls don’t hang, lol!”

i am… — I could show you some movies that prove otherwise… ;-) :lol:

Melo

July 12th, 2010
10:20 am

Funny that only the guys tell Lori to go ahead and hit it. Ya dogs!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

@Been Lurkin

ur intuition is telling u the right thing. You may not take the que,instead,seeking validation from somebody else,like u doing now.

If he has no good reason to string u along for 1.5 years without u meeting any of his family..that is what it is..hes just hitting u for the goodies!
Give him one more utlimatum..if hes serious about u,and u are worth it to him..he will do something..if u are not,he wont…

What are u going to do if he does not act??..thats the Big qstion!

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 12th, 2010
10:21 am

Been Lurkin – Sounds like you have a boyfriend and he has a roommate.

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:23 am

OMG!!! Swiss you are the bomb!!!

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:24 am

<—-eating Text rabbit food salad

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:25 am

<—–eating rabbit food
salad

Peabo

July 12th, 2010
10:32 am

There are just too many fish in the sea to waste your time on someone who “may” be interested. The “may” be interested type usually has a bunch of emotional baggage he/she is still carrying around from other failed relationships.

Leggs

July 12th, 2010
10:33 am

Hello, I am….

@Lori ~ all I can say is if this is what you want and have made up your mind that you can’t offer him time to forge what might be a beautiful relationship but can offer him your body, go for it. Nothing like being true to yourself.

Been Lurkin

July 12th, 2010
10:33 am

@Melo – I keep wondering what I will do as well. I mean I feel sometimes as I’m not worthy enough to meet the family, BUT he has no problems going out with me, or going up town with me, vacations whatnot, its just with the family. I have talked to them on phone, but never seen them face to face, no pictures or anything.

Chink

July 12th, 2010
10:34 am

Been Lurkin

Well you might want to examine his relationship with his family..are they close? is he embarrassed by them? are they nosey?

He might have his reasons for that. Friends might be a little tricky…But then he could just a be a private person and not want everyone in his business. Or in the past his friends/family made a bad impression on his last girlfriend or there was some drama.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

July 12th, 2010
10:38 am

I don’t have much patience, admittedly, so I tend to disengage altogether. I don’t like having my time wasted and I try not to do that to others.

That’s pretty much me right there. Like my granny says I don’t tarry nor linger…and I despise people wasting my time you’re either on my team or you can get the he!! on…no hard feelings.

Chink

July 12th, 2010
10:38 am

Swiss

How do you make the heart ..I have seen that one everywhere…

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:40 am

Swiss LMAO @ your 10:19

I am whatever you say I am

July 12th, 2010
10:41 am