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Dating: Do you have something to prove?

I have observed a few things in the men I am meeting on the dating scene lately.  Whether it is unspoken or not, men seem to look at how amenable a woman is.  It’s almost to the point of testing how accommodating we can be.  When they spot a complainer, or a woman who constantly has negative things to say, it is sometimes  a red flag for guys.

It’s all really interesting to me because I think women do the same exact thing in other ways.  For instance, a woman wants to see how generous a man is.  I’m not only talking generous with money, although that is also part of it.  A man who is generous with his time, attention, and feelings (yes fellas, FEELINGS) definitely gets our attention.

It seems to me that everyone has something to prove in a dating relationship.  Why does it seem that we end up proving all the wrong things, though?

Do you get a sense that you have something to prove? Even when just “being yourself” is what you focus on, are you proving that you are the right person for your date?

When we are just dating each other, do we really have a responsibility to prove anything?  Other than just relaxing and having a good time, what is your purpose on a date?

403 comments Add your comment

DW

July 9th, 2010
8:30 am

YESSHEISCUTE

July 9th, 2010
8:46 am

Sometimes I feel like I am out to prove that the relationship is not just a means to an end (a ring around my finger). I guess I eventually want to get married but there are some goals that I would like to accomplish first. I have a couple of friends who are like I’m looking for marriage. I am but not right now….until I get these goals accomplished I really do not feel I can go in head first into marriage.

I just feel like I’m trying to overcompensate with “laidbackness” to prove that because I know guys see that as desperate. The best we can do is put our best foot forward and hope for the best.

Feeling good, feeling fine, Got SlimOne on my mind

July 9th, 2010
8:47 am

Good morning and happy freaky funky Friday.

As my BB messenger status states, “I am’s who I am’s”….I’m just myself and if that’s not good enough…oh well.

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 9th, 2010
8:54 am

Hola!

Although, I feel like we try to prove something when we meet and start dating, the reality is we do not have to prove anything if we don’t want to. In fact, I think we try to prove that we are cool, low maint, trustworthy, fun, intelligent etc. because we like the other person and want to put our best foot forward.

Leggs

July 9th, 2010
9:01 am

Good morning!

I’m with SlimOne. I can only be me. How you see me is on you. You will know instantly if you want to get to know me any better. If not, that will be self-evident within a short amount of time!

Cloud100

July 9th, 2010
9:05 am

I just know women dont appreciate a good man, when they finally do get one, they dont know what to do with him… Most women complain, and can have 100 positive things going on, but will focus on that ONE negative thing and give it that energy.. An emotionally unstable, complaining woman is always a turnoff.. I never have nothing to prove, what you see is what you get and i try to stay positive, but it takes 2 types of people.. But it seems like women have more to prove, why? I dont know, and its always for the wrong reasons..

Feeling good, feeling fine, Got SlimOne on my mind

July 9th, 2010
9:06 am

Well maybe i’m not feeling so fine…got this dayum crook in my neck…must’ve slept on one side too long

mark

July 9th, 2010
9:08 am

good morning everyone!!!!! Hey Leggs!

Feeling good, feeling fine, Got SlimOne on my mind

July 9th, 2010
9:14 am

Leggs – so how are things going with ole dude…I can’t remember his moniker/name?

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 9th, 2010
9:15 am

@Slim his name is Jacobite47 I think, but we call him Poppa Swiss

Hey Mark

czBrat ... proud mama :)

July 9th, 2010
9:18 am

GM All!!

HiYa Leggs!

thanx, cloud, for starting my friday with a smile. i hope things turn around for you real soon. :)

wanting to prove to your date that you’re the one is probably going to happen more often when you’re insecure. i’m closer to Leggs’ “how you see me is on you” pov.

is that Slim or a Slim fan :?:

blue-7/30

July 9th, 2010
9:22 am

GM all – TGIF
agree with the ladies – i am who i am, take it or dont. willing to compromise where compromise may make us stronger and not lose me , but expect that to be a two way street. beyond that, the only thing to prove at this point in my life is the years of being afraid to be alone are over (cause, unfortunately some women, including me, have fallen into that pit). fear of moving on no longer applies, so get right!

Leggs

July 9th, 2010
9:25 am

Hello, Mark.

What’s cooking, czB?

@SlimOne ~ he seems to be ok, we’ve just been saying hello to each other. It’s all good. He seems to be good ppl. I don’t think we are what the other is looking for.

Feeling good, feeling fine, Got SlimOne on my mind

July 9th, 2010
9:29 am

‘is that Slim or a Slim fan’

czBrat – I must be my own biggest fan….lol It’s me, Slim :-D

Leggs – well that’s cool. Everyone we meet won’t meet fall into the “THE ONE” category. But it’s always nice to have good peeps to hang out with

DreamsMaterialize

July 9th, 2010
9:36 am

Morning
When we like someone, there is some part of us that wants them to like us back. So, we try to display our best attributes. In a way, that’s proving that you’re worthy of their admiration and affection.

czBrat

July 9th, 2010
9:38 am

Hola Profesora!
HiYa Slim & blue

the problem with trying to convince someone that you are IT is that if/when you fall the slightest bit short of those expectations it will seem like a HUGE let down. just chillax into the situation and enjoy the ride; the bumps in the road will hardly be noticeable.

abc

July 9th, 2010
9:38 am

A complainer and constantly negative chick is more than a red flag, she’s no longer a possibility. Who would willingly let themselves in for that?

A man or woman that isn’t willing to give you lots of time and attention isn’t interested in you very much. Generous with feelings? Expound on that a bit, I don’t have much idea what you really mean.

czBrat

July 9th, 2010
9:39 am

I don’t think we are what the other is looking for. :sad:
but always nice to increase the circle of good peeps that surrounds you.

Raqi

July 9th, 2010
9:48 am

IMO No on necessarily has to prove anything however you do have to at least be interested and interesting.

While your pretty face may attract them it takes more to keep them.

From what I learned in my days, dating and mating is a picking and choosing process. You have to show something that makes a person feel you are worth their time and effort. Being beautiful or booked usually isn’t enough for the persons looking for a meaningful relationship.

So yeah you will have to prove something. Not in a dance on my stage and entertain me sort of way but in a way that a person feels that you add something to their existence. You are worth their time and efforts.

Sorry IMO just being you like a knot on a log doesn’t get you very far.

mqew - Like Mr. Lebron James, I have pushed the easy button.

July 9th, 2010
9:51 am

Enter your comments here

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 9th, 2010
9:52 am

Can’t really say that I have anything to prove at this point in my life.

Prove what? To who? Why?

Just being who I am, comfortable with myself and wanting to give my person the best of me.

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 9th, 2010
9:53 am

Hey czBrat!

@mqew, after reading the letter from Dan Gilbert I am glad LeBron took flight south.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/lebron-james-cavs-owner-dan-gilbert-writes-letter/story?id=11123866&page=2

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 9th, 2010
9:55 am

When we like someone, there is some part of us that wants them to like us back. So, we try to display our best attributes.

So true Not to mention Goffman talks about frontstage/backstage and the amount of time we spend wanting to put our best face forward.

mqew - Like Mr. Lebron James, I have pushed the easy button....TWO WEEKS is my scheduled baby date!!!

July 9th, 2010
9:57 am

I had absolutely nothing to prove when I was dating. It was more of a, Hey, you gotta love me, cause… well… hey, I’m ME!!!!

Raqi – I know what you’re saying but usually, “a knot on a log” isn’t descriptive of most women and our many, many, many qualites :lol:

Melo

July 9th, 2010
9:58 am

DreamsMaterialize

July 9th, 2010
10:00 am

Sorry IMO just being you like a knot on a log doesn’t get you very far.
Raqi I agree wholeheartedly. “just being you” sounds cool, but what does that really even mean? You’ve had your whole life to fall in love with you, but if you want to give someone else the opportunity to do that, then you have to show them who you are in a relatively short timeframe.

Leggs

July 9th, 2010
10:00 am

You’re exactly right, always good to know good people (no matter the age).

Raqi

July 9th, 2010
10:00 am

When you want to be a part of the team, the Dynamic Duo, you have to show that you are for the team. You have interest in the team. No one chooses and/or keeps a player that does perform for the good of the team.

Either you are with me/for me or you are not. That must be proven.

CMS

July 9th, 2010
10:01 am

If I had a grimy azz momma screwing half the NBA and a grimier team mate doing her behind my back with other triflin’ team mates keeping it away from my attention…I’d leave Clevland too, and go play with my boys. F’em Bron. Do you.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

July 9th, 2010
10:03 am

after reading the letter from Dan Gilbert I am glad LeBron took flight south.

I just finished reading it also and gilbert sounds like a moist,jilted groom who got left at the altar. From what I saw last night they were burning dude’s jersey in the street…how selfish. I could see if LeBron didn’t play well but I thought he did as best he could with what he had but either way, regardless of whatever decision was to be made someone was bound to be unhappy but that letter was petty as phks.

mqew - Like Mr. Lebron James, I have pushed the easy button....TWO WEEKS is my scheduled baby date!!!

July 9th, 2010
10:03 am

Professor – Are you saying you glad he left because he wasn’t appreciated? Not sure…

Raqi

July 9th, 2010
10:03 am

wanting to give my person the best of me

SexyCool, would you not say that’s the proving process?

Not in a way of putting on a show but giving of yourself, the best of you proves something to the man. Wouldn’t you say?

Leggs

July 9th, 2010
10:07 am

Really, did anyone really expect LeBron to stay in Cleveland? He’s been given an opportunity to play make basketball history with DWade and CBosch (sp?). Who wouldn’t seriously want to elevate their career by going down that road. Even he stated his goal is to go as far as he can in the hopes of winning the Heisman. The dynamic trio is in full bloom and once all the egos settle, a great team will emerge!!

blue-7/30

July 9th, 2010
10:07 am

hola cz
@Raqi – While your pretty face may attract them it takes more to keep them. true indeed. being you is great, but sometimes gota take that self awareness exam and see what exactly that means, who are you and what do you need to bring to the table. be open to fine tuning needed.

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 9th, 2010
10:10 am

Even he stated his goal is to go as far as he can in the hopes of winning the Heisman.

Too funny leggs a Heisman? I would love to see him win one, tho LMBAO

SexyCool - Joy bubbles over.

July 9th, 2010
10:10 am

Rock, it could be interpreted in that way. I just kind of got a different vibe from reading the post. The whole *tone* of the proving seemed a bit different. As if it were a *chip on the shoulder* type thing or even a pass/fail type test.

I guess it’s all semantics really. Whereas some would say that “Why I got to fight every night to prove my love?”, I would just say “Let me show you all the ways that I want to love you for the rest of my life.”

mqew - Like Mr. Lebron James, I have pushed the easy button....TWO WEEKS is my scheduled baby date!!!

July 9th, 2010
10:10 am

Oh! Professor – is it what Sassy said? W

Raqi- But if you’re dating a guy, you don’t even know what anything is worth to be spending EXTRA time and energy trying to ensure that he’s truly capturing your “fabulosity”. So in the beginning… the merely dating phase…. naaaahhhhh there IS NO team!!!! It’s just friends until we’re in a committed relationship. When being a team is just that….

Melo

July 9th, 2010
10:13 am

Good morning!

whny uall lying..yeah most of u…??

Flip the script, who wants to be on the bench all the time??? Not uall I wld think.

So uall thbink u have good qualities to get a man,if u dont have one right now. U buy th best dress ur money can buy,put on the nicest shoes and glum urself in the best oils and scents…..

If the scents were only smelt bu u and u alone and not the outside pple wld u buy them,given another alternative??

U all got something to prove, u mask it nicely so u dont look thirsty and glaring apparent that ur cobs are weighing heavy on u today.And u silently angst when noone at the event u went hollers at u.

Some of u will get angry,others will willow in their sadness and yet some will step up and let it be known that hey,they dry,they want some action.

All of u,YES..ALL of u have something to prove and u go out there every day sublty or not so subtly showcasing it!

Sometimes…yeah!,the Men dont Bite on ur presentations! :)

Good morning!!

Purple Rain

July 9th, 2010
10:14 am

Gilbert was happy when Lebron was there now he is mad that he is gone. People always criticize Mega Stars for being all about the money and their personal stats. Lebron, Wade and Bosh have dispelled that for the time being. They all are taking paycuts and will not get the “hype” as individuals. They put team and friendships first (they are friends off the court) I think it is good for the sport and an excellent example for others. It’s about winning first. I am happy that we got Beasley out of LeBron going to Miami. :)

Prove something to someone I am dating. I don’t think so. LOL

mqew - Like Mr. Lebron James, I have pushed the easy button....TWO WEEKS is my scheduled baby date!!!

July 9th, 2010
10:14 am

I’m not giving the best of me to nobody I just met!!!! If we’re dating then he’ll get me…. which is, if I must say so myself, still the shiznit :lol: :lol: :lol:

Leggs

July 9th, 2010
10:15 am

@Prof ~ when he said Hiesman I laughed, but that’s what he said.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

July 9th, 2010
10:16 am

Oh! Professor – is it what Sassy said?

:shock: Huh?

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 9th, 2010
10:16 am

Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssy,

Dan Gilbert, is pie. After all the money Lebron made him and the city that letter was distasteful. Personally I felt “The Decision” was a slap in the face for Cleveland, but hey the money went to charity.

@mqew I am glad he left for several reasons: to fulfill his quest on getting a ring, to play with some friends, Dan Gilbert showed his tail in that letter, nothing against the fans, but I felt it was rude to burn his jersey etc. After it was all said and done I think he made the right decision. Not to mention the rumor about his mom and the fellow teammate.

Purple Rain

July 9th, 2010
10:16 am

Oh yeah nobody believed me on here or in person when I told them that LeBron, Wade and Bosh would be playing together in Miami. Pat Riley is the “Master of Quan” so suck it!!

franklin

July 9th, 2010
10:16 am

Used to be a complainer/somewhat negative person. Couldn’t help it, had alot of bad things happening in my life and it just came out in little ways. But the last ex-GF couldn’t take it and dropped me because of it. Reforming my ways now: even if things aren’t going the way I want, I’m trying to be more positive and also not complain, but look for solutions or positive influence. Wanted to marry that girl (first time I’d ever felt that way after a LOT of relationships), so I’m not going to sabotage myself like that the next time I find a girl worth the commitment. I should have learned my lesson years ago, when I broke it off with a different girl for the exact same reasons: constant complainer, gets old after a minute.

Feeling good, feeling fine, Got SlimOne on my mind

July 9th, 2010
10:16 am

In my current dating adventure, we are around the point where the guards are coming down more and more…so to me this is actually where the part of the courtship gets more fun & interesting depending on how into each other you are. This is where you can laugh about him saying you farted in your sleep and you steady denying it. :lol:

As Dreams stated, it’s sort of natural to want someone you have an interest in to like you but I think everyone has their own boundary with regards to how far outside you’re willing to go to ensure that happens. If I find that i’m no longer being true to myself, breaking my neck to keep them interested, then it’s time to do something else. Because how in the sam hill can you keep that up for months, years, decades down the road. I guess that’s why some folks end up getting divorced mere months after the wedding…it takes way too much energy to keep up something that isn’t anywhere near your true character.

AmazonRed™ - But you'll still lose to the Lakers!

July 9th, 2010
10:18 am

Morning all –

Well for the folks that actually wish to get married, you ultimately want to prove that someone actually wants you enough to do so. :lol:

P.S. Raqi I just want to say again how ADORABLE your baby is!

Professor--->Miami, Baby!

July 9th, 2010
10:20 am

Melo,

I love that 10:13, but I will tell you this I put on the best oils and scents for myself. I dress and smell the same way for me, but I get your point and you are right. We do it for show!!!!

Purple Rain

July 9th, 2010
10:20 am

You can’t double, Wade,Bosh and Lebron at the same time. If you have both of them attacking at the same time with Bosh down low and some perimeter shooters ready for the kick out. LOL, Los Angeles who?

M. (pronouced Mdot)

July 9th, 2010
10:21 am

Friday.

I think sometimes on the dating scene, I have to prove that I am not like the last guy you dated. I dont have to prove anything in my mind so I just be myself but sometimes some women throw you in the past bag.

Once I was at a womans house and took a phone call outside. She said her ex was a cheater and used to take his phone calls outside. Im not HIM!