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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Has the definition of single changed?

I suppose I should not be shocked whenever it turns out someone is not as “single” as they claimed to be.  I recently exchanged numbers with a guy (younger) who pretended to be unattached.

It wasn’t until I got a call from his significant (and livid) other that I learned he was involved with someone.  They actually lived together. What made him think he could date me in his situation? I had to laugh at how pathetic that entire incident was. I’m too old for this!

It is so annoying to discover you wasted your time on someone who decided to “hedge their bets” on the dating game.  I can understand dating around and keeping your options open as long as you are upfront and honest about it.  It is rare to find someone who tells you the absolute truth about his or her relationship status.   Even on Facebook that ridiculous “it’s complicated” feature perpetuates the problem.

When I meet someone that sparks an interest, I ask them the question are you married or seeing someone special.  This is a pretty clear question right?  Why is it hard to admit you are in a relationship or working on one?

Do I need to frame the question differently? Should I specify by asking about live-ins, separated from wife, etc.?

When you meet people, how do you determine if they are actually single and available?  Would you still be interested in someone if they were involved with another person?

435 comments Add your comment

Trevor0529

July 6th, 2010
3:01 pm

Just for that little tirade, Prof, you gets nann vacation day!!

Lady-Resilient!!

July 6th, 2010
3:05 pm

alrighty good people off to start my 3rd class this evening! Time is going fast isn’t it! lol

Peace to all my good blog peeps that rock! ;)

Melo

July 6th, 2010
3:07 pm

what if we were the one putting it down and dude is at home still sound asleep’

@Princessnik??

u might have to sign dude up at he gymn..

u surely dont want a dude thats hooooowf…hooooowf …hooooowf..blowing up his lungs and chest after only 3 strokes! when u jest starting to say:” go daddy..go daddy… go daddy! daddy go!”

:lol: :lol: :lol: thats when :happy: is quickly transformed and ur like :roll: :roll: at that non performance!

Professor

July 6th, 2010
3:12 pm

@Slim, most of the time I like sitting on the bench and gathering my energy back. I’ve had relationships that left me depleted because we let the relationship linger even after it was long over. I guess it is tiring for me as well in a sense.

YESSHEISCUTE

July 6th, 2010
3:12 pm

Wow you guys are going in on George P! But I have to say I been on the giving end of that stick before and everyone is pretty much right. I didn’t mean to be shady but a lot of people try to do the less hurtful thing but in the end it would have been more honorable to go for the gusto! Sorry that you are going through this but if you don’t get out now you will have kicked yourself for following behind her like a sad little puppy dog (trust me I’ve been on the receiving end of this stick plenty of times). You live and you learn. Life is too short babe.

blue

July 6th, 2010
3:15 pm

thunk of it this way, theres probably someone better for you waiting in the wings, holding on to this girl may just be holidng up destiny. give her what she wants, let her go, and find whats best for you.

George P

July 6th, 2010
3:18 pm

Thank YESHEISCUTE. I’m taking everything with a grain of salt, cause apparently I’m the only one who knows of people who took breaks and came out in the end. Like I said, I know married couples who did it, one even has twins now! That said, I’ve heard some good advice and will put it into effect

Melo

July 6th, 2010
3:21 pm

George P??

u read the bible?? ‘re u a dedicated church guy??

blue

July 6th, 2010
3:28 pm

George – this was probably covered earlier and i just missed it, but did she tell about the “break” before she went abroad or after she was already gone?

abc

July 6th, 2010
3:30 pm

I’m not saying that you can’t take a break and then succesfully resume. I’m saying that trying out the field is trying out the field. No matter what they might say. Guaranteed a chick will not confess things like that. Working out a ‘break’ is a way of getting permission without burning down the bridge.

But hey, you do what you think is right! Suit thy self.

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
3:31 pm

Prof — Okay, it’s official. I’m a dirty, dirty boy. ‘Cos I took Slim’s question to mean something entirely different:lol:

My answer would have been: ’bout 15-20 mins, now that I’m in my 30’s:lol:

George P

July 6th, 2010
3:31 pm

I’ve been known to have picked up the good book from time to time. More of an Easter, X-mas kinda guy right now. Why?

SexyCool - Living on a cloud.

July 6th, 2010
3:33 pm

George – I know of people who have taken breaks in relationships, but it was usually because there was something that happened or some issue that needed to be addressed. These were instances where the relationships were in jeopardy and the parties needed to step back to gain fresh perspectives.

Initially, you didn’t give enough information about your situation to make it seem that way. And really, it just sounds like your girl may be curious about what else is out there – which is a horse of a different color.

So, yes, most of us know of relationships where couples went through some really bad patches and eventually made it through stronger and better.

Again, I go back to my well wishes and hope that everything turns out to your good.

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
3:34 pm

Where’s my step-mom? I think I might need a spankin’:lol:

Professor

July 6th, 2010
3:34 pm

George how old are you? How old is your ex old lady? Just curious.

George P

July 6th, 2010
3:36 pm

She called the break while over there. Made me change my summer vaca plans.

Right now I’m pretty sure she hasn’t played the field or anything, and I told her I don’t know if I could take her back if she hooked up with someone (because it would make the break about that instead of finding herself). I still think I know her and who she is, she’s just gotten distant, but I know her personality and she’s pretty honest. If I ask a direct question, she won’t lie (same works vice versa).

Trevor0529

July 6th, 2010
3:36 pm

George ~ you have gotten a lot of good advice today on the blog. I wish you success and happiness from this day forth. Be true to yourself. Peace!!

George P

July 6th, 2010
3:37 pm

24 and almost 21 (was going to visit for her birthday in July)

Melo

July 6th, 2010
3:39 pm

Why?

GeorgeP??

coz personally, I wld rather a church guy get their advice from the pastor or the youth folks.

My advice is more of street and debauchery type…what u need to survive on the streets, while also getting urs(cootie) and eating licking it!

U sound like my type of guy..now quit showing ur girl ur true pining for her colors coz thats a recipe for lameness and much angst.

U dont want her to come back to u after the european guys have beaten her puddsy down to size, do u??

I iknew it! :lol:

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
3:40 pm

Ya’ll (some) would have been so proud of my at our client luncheon. We just met with the CFO and wouldn’t you know it, sheen see nobody in the room but me. All the hulabaloo and slides didn’t do it for her. She pointed to me and asked me for EVERYTHING thing presented. She made mentioned of the fact that prior to this meeting i’ve been in conversation with her folks and proactive in bringing them up to speed. She also said she has until November before the next board meeting and will decide if we’re all ago for her….being that no decisions will be made until we (being me, her controller and her) schedule dinner and see how it goes from there. I tell ya, I’ve gotten plenty of kudos cause a lot of folks don’t know how to leave the books and pens and paper and through that “natural” spin on things to win folks over. The group was shocked…like I said not because I don’t do fairly well but because she was focused solely on me. Then afterwards she pulled me aside and said more than anything she’s always worked with whites and was happy to see to deal professional blacks. Woo Hoo….she was appointed to run NASA by the Bush Administration and a whole bunch of other stuff

Professor

July 6th, 2010
3:44 pm

Ohhhhh My, Melo is back.

George now is the time to click on that red X and exit the blog.

blue

July 6th, 2010
3:45 pm

for me, when she called the break is important. if she had done it while still home and in planning the trip “some time to be independant” ok its just a break and we can joke about/learn from it later. but going over there, then calling the break in long distance, that sounds to me more either a) found something over there she wants to get into, or b)was too chicken to tell you this was how she felt face to face. this way she doesnt have to see your hurt feelings or angst
as far as relationships that took a break and survived, i have seen a few, but those were ones where, as SexyCool mentioned, something specific needed to be addressed. and in those cases usually both parties agreed the break was for the best, not one making the request and the other is being forced into it.

SexyCool - Living on a cloud.

July 6th, 2010
3:47 pm

Fist bump, it’s me! That’s what’s up!

SexyCool - Living on a cloud.

July 6th, 2010
3:48 pm

Off topic – the trooper that pulled Damon Evans over must’ve been a Tech grad. LOL!

SlimKoo-koo for Coco Pops

July 6th, 2010
3:49 pm

‘Okay, it’s official. I’m a dirty, dirty boy. ‘Cos I took Slim’s question to mean something entirely different…’

i’m swiss – you answered the right question. I just read then re-read Professors answer because I wasn’t sure she answered the question I was asking….I thought maybe her word of “relationship” was code for body bumpin. :lol: I asked because someone I know once said I ‘drain them’. LOLOL!

In regards to “taking a break” especially due to certain issues, if the actual issue isnt addressed, once you all come back together and get passed the initial Reboxed, Regifted, Faux-Rejuvenated Sex phase wears off, the issues will still be there after the smoke clears.

Professor

July 6th, 2010
3:51 pm

@lurker what tribe is she in the black hand side or white hand side????

George P

July 6th, 2010
3:52 pm

Haha, it’s alright, I can tune out pretty easily.

To be clear, we’ve been doing distance for about a year, so we’ve survived this long. She just has learned how to live for herself without having a guy around or influencing her life and says she just wants to keep seeing what it’s like. It’s not like I’m a demanding ahole, but she’s felt clingy and reliant on me. We’ll see, and I’ll make sure to revisit with the outcome and maybe updates

Trevor0529

July 6th, 2010
3:57 pm

Everyone have a great evening. Me and my vacation days are going home.

Professor

July 6th, 2010
3:59 pm

Slim you are crazy. Girl you don’t wear them out do you. LOL that is too funny.

@George maybe things will change when she returns. Hopefully you can pick her up at the airport and she will bring you some little trinkets back from her travels and all this will be in the past. I love, love especially young love, and I am cheering for you guys. :grin:

czBrat

July 6th, 2010
4:00 pm

SexyC, your 3:33 post is close to what was going on with us when i asked for a time out a while back. i had sooo much going on with my son that i just could not focus on being ‘there’ for my s/o. he was wanting to get out and have fun and do things and my head just was not in it at all. i thought it would be better for him to not be mired down with my household issues …. he felt otherwise :)

Professor

July 6th, 2010
4:04 pm

That was not a TECH move that was a GED/HS dipolma move, and he did all the documenting just to make it stick (formal)

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
4:04 pm

Don’t know about you guys, but the fact she asked for the break while over there making him change his plans speaks volumes….it’s ova!

@Step-Child ~ I’ve decided no spanking my step-son. Just doesn’t sound right (LOL).

Excellent work, it’s me….lurker!

Tiffani Day

July 6th, 2010
4:05 pm

Georgia Single means that the man is taking advantage of the well known female to male ratio, and being that he is not married, he is technically single. He doesn’t see why he should be with one woman, or admit to having other women simply because it could ruin his chances of being able to take advantage of the situation. The ability to pick and choose. You know him when you see him:

When he calls, he asks that you send him a picture(so he can figure out WHO you are). He is the ultimate serial dater and has NO time for anything deeper than a cheap meal and “blockbuster evening”.

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
4:06 pm

Slim — Whew, that’s a relief… Good to know I’m not the only dirty wh0re on this blog… ;-) But, I have to tell you, you’re survey is not very scientific… What you really need is to set up a test case with a control group: i.e. We need to see how long it takes us to recover after *you* make us let one go…. :lol:

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
4:08 pm

Oops… your survey…

SlimKoo-koo for Coco Pops

July 6th, 2010
4:09 pm

Professor – that was news to me…I didn’t think I wore anyone out..but I’ll take that. :lol: :evil: :mrgreen:

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
4:09 pm

MESSAGE FROM JTJ ~ Anyhoo, if anyone works in a healthcare company or any company that provides a service that is healthcare related to please e-mail their information to Leggs for me? I am also looking for any position in accounting, I have over 7 years exp in accounting.

Thanks guys. I’m trying to make a change.

Melo

July 6th, 2010
4:12 pm

George P ??

when i met my Queen,sha had just turned 21. She lived in another city but had moved to the capital city,where she met me,right after her 21st. Incidentally,as i learnt later, my young brother,who is home now and sick,was actually at her 21 st birthday party at their house,in her home city and cldnt fathem then, that his big bro was gonna be hitting on the host..in months to come…

Anyway,she had gotten a ring from another dude in the dsame city(her college sweatie, i presume),it so happened but she hooked up with me later and I believe let the other dude down easy,unbeknownst to me.

Its quite possible,”ur” girl is doing the same to u.

Like i said earlier, a girl that wants u truly aint gona ask for a break from u!

When a girl is smitten,shes smitten..no beating about the bush!

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
4:12 pm

For the record, she sent me that msg because she believes her computer is being monitored and she didn’t want to come on the blog because of that feeling.

YESSHEISCUTE

July 6th, 2010
4:14 pm

George P I was in a long distance relationship when I gave the “break” scenario. In my situation it was b/c it was someone else and we had been together almost 4 years and I didn’t know what to do. Looking back I should have just ended it and dealt with whatever cards life dealt. I understand you talking about other people that have made it but realize they are exceptions to the rule. That’s how a lot of women get caught up doing ‘desperate’ crazy things…b/c we think that b/c it happened to someone else we have a chance at the same happiness….”exceptions to the rule” and “freak of nature” are what those happy ending relationships are.

I feel really bad for you…because I’ve been through it as a giver and receiver….and if I didn’t have other things to do such as my boyfriend, finishing school and traveling b/c I work for an airline I’d actually talk to you more about it. You seem like a really cool guy. I don’t think you should date anyone right now because you aren’t ready. But if you are the church type do more stuff with people your age from church. If you are not do more stuff with your friends or on your own. There’s plenty to do in the A…but then I think you said you don’t live here.

I’ve also lived overseas and let me tell you if I had a bf here and had a chance TO GO BACK….Ultimately it comes down to whether its worth losing someone who could be the one or getting a once in a lifetime chance to soar them oats….I’d probably be straight up and say we need to break up b/c I don’t want to miss out on soaring my multilingual oats and I don’t want to cheat on you!

Purple Rain

July 6th, 2010
4:14 pm

Never meant to cause you any trouble, I never meant to cause you any pain

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
4:15 pm

Thanks Sexy and Leggs….Professor, you know what it was, BLACK HANDS SIDE ALLL THE WAY!!! She pulled me aside and said it, POINT BLANK. She said I’ve only dealt and deal with whites, did the motion to point to the inside of the hand versus the outside and I winked and said “I gotchu” yep, just like that, she was no less impressed. Folks still tryna sell on everything else. She was just glad to see a couple of blacks up in there.

Jacobite47

July 6th, 2010
4:16 pm

Not being familiar with blogging I posted my comments re meeting with Leggs on the wrong topic.

Leggs and I had a pleasent chat over drinks, she is one classy lady and very easy to talk to and on the eyes. Perhaps we’ll see each other again.

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
4:16 pm

Haaa, I can hear the echo….PR

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
4:17 pm

Too cute, Jacobite47.

Thank you. That was a very sweet compliment.

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
4:18 pm

Go ‘head Jacobite47, seal the deal:)

blue

July 6th, 2010
4:18 pm

decided to stay late to make up for my day off, rethinking that plan…..i wann go home :cry:

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
4:19 pm

blue, you been here before?

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
4:21 pm

Awwwwwww, suki suki, now… Cue the music…

“I’ve been really tryyyyyyyyin’, baby

Tryin’ to hold back this feeling, for sooooooooo looooong….

And if you feel

Like I feel, baby….

C’mon, wooooo, c’mon…”

:lol: :lol:

blue

July 6th, 2010
4:22 pm

@lurker – on the blog you mean, started reading you guys awhile back, started posting last week. you guys are funny, makes a boring day go by faster