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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Dating: Has the definition of single changed?

I suppose I should not be shocked whenever it turns out someone is not as “single” as they claimed to be.  I recently exchanged numbers with a guy (younger) who pretended to be unattached.

It wasn’t until I got a call from his significant (and livid) other that I learned he was involved with someone.  They actually lived together. What made him think he could date me in his situation? I had to laugh at how pathetic that entire incident was. I’m too old for this!

It is so annoying to discover you wasted your time on someone who decided to “hedge their bets” on the dating game.  I can understand dating around and keeping your options open as long as you are upfront and honest about it.  It is rare to find someone who tells you the absolute truth about his or her relationship status.   Even on Facebook that ridiculous “it’s complicated” feature perpetuates the problem.

When I meet someone that sparks an interest, I ask them the question are you married or seeing someone special.  This is a pretty clear question right?  Why is it hard to admit you are in a relationship or working on one?

Do I need to frame the question differently? Should I specify by asking about live-ins, separated from wife, etc.?

When you meet people, how do you determine if they are actually single and available?  Would you still be interested in someone if they were involved with another person?

435 comments Add your comment

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
11:51 am

Ghana expired last week…is that not you at 11:37 this morning?

Trevor0529

July 6th, 2010
11:52 am

Swiss, I see what you are saying. Its cool. He does need to move on and charge her to the game.
:)

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
11:52 am

@PrincessNik ~ I’ll tell you after 12.

Professor

July 6th, 2010
11:53 am

Oh by the way.. Im Melo…Ghana expired last week!

Sir, why did you post under Ghana today? :wink:

@ARed did you make it out of the house Friday?

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
11:55 am

Brutal honesty…that 11:37….an eye opener hopefully for George P…I agree

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
11:56 am

Ghana’s 11:37

blue

July 6th, 2010
11:56 am

side note i guess, when men say they have more female friends than male, they just get along better,its the way theyve always been, whatever..why do so many of them trip out when the opposite is true also, their woman has more male friends than female, etc etc…

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
11:56 am

Melo — Maybe we old playa’s should help out with a little Playa Translation. Here, I’ll start…

Example:

“She’s doing a study abroad and it’s really opened her eyes on how she can be independent without a guy in her life”

Translated:

“She’s doing a study abroad and it’s really got her imagining all the international dyzzle she could have up in her — without guilt — without a man in her life.”

:lol:

George P

July 6th, 2010
12:00 pm

First off, she’s not the type to fool around past 2nd base within a month. Second, we are young and I left for grad school while she’s finishing up. That said, I do feel like a plan B, although I can see the argument oh how can you be sure how good something is, unless you know what’s out there. This is by far the most serious relationship for either of us. Maybe she’ll see that plan B is better than other options, maybe she won’t. This break has reaffirmed and made me more confident that I want her, but maybe she will just be that first true love and life will move on.

Kym--News Junkie >>Level 5

July 6th, 2010
12:03 pm

@George P..its rare..but err.. I agree with Melo..she is going to Europe and hoping to me Count Marist of the Royal House of Gallions or she is so hoping to see if what they say about the romance of Europe is true..either way you should bow out.

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
12:03 pm

“side note i guess, when men say they have more female friends than male, they just get along better,its the way theyve always been, whatever..why do so many of them trip out when the opposite is true also, their woman has more male friends than female, etc etc…”

blue — Um… because they know firsthand that line is total BS:lol: No (straight) guy has more girl friends than guy friends because “they just get along better.” They have all those chick friends just in case… Those are the “One of These Days She’s Gonna Be Upset And Possibly Tipsy And If I’m In the Right Place At the Right Time I Just Might Get To Tap That” friends… :lol:

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
12:04 pm

BTW for those of you who were on the board Friday, esp. you it’s me…lurker, I met up with Jacobite47 after work and had a drink. He’s a friendly man who loves to flirt and enjoy life. It was good talking with him, as well as meeting him. He has an active social life from what he told me. However, he was honest to say he’s looking to be married within a year. He loved being married. He labeled himself a divorced widower. No, didn’t ask how long he’s been a widower, but know he was happily married for 30 years. He has sparkly, lively blue eyes. Nice man!

Kym--News Junkie >>Level 5

July 6th, 2010
12:06 pm

First off, she’s not the type to fool around past 2nd base within a month. <<< George you should rephase this.. First off, she's not the type to fool around past 2md base within a month "with me."

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
12:07 pm

Well, alrighty then, Leggs… Is there something more you want to tell us? ;-) :lol:

blue

July 6th, 2010
12:07 pm

Swiss LMAO. so men are not to be believed in this situation, do folks have the same view of women who make more male friends than female?

kimmie

July 6th, 2010
12:07 pm

swiss – Your 11:56 – funny, sad & true. I’ve been there, the shoe was on the other foot. Very few “young” relationships can survive one going off to grad school in another state or going off abroad. Even if they stay together, somebody is going to be at least “tempted”.

Professor

July 6th, 2010
12:08 pm

George P, I knew you guys were both young. Ghana Melo pointed that out as well. I just wish you both the best, and I hope you take a break from the dating scene all together. Now I would cut her off, but I would respond to an email after a week or two. Just a simple “things are fine on my end…thanks for checking in ttyl type deal.” Personally I would not ignore someone I love and have been with for two years for 60-days, but I would ignore that azz for a week or two, but you know the time period that works for you. How much time do you need away? You should not run to answer every call and email like you are sitting around eating bon-bons with nothing to do. Get busy, get a life, get with some friends and go from there.

Now, please consider your source when using dating advice on this blog. Most or 30-something singles never been married, and always been played so you really don’t want to be so brutal with old girl. Young love first love has to be handled differently. So pull back, and back out but make sure you guard your heart and not be a fool.

Good luck!

Kym--News Junkie >>Level 5

July 6th, 2010
12:08 pm

First off, she’s not the type to fool around past 2nd base within a month.<<Rephase this..First off, she’s not the type to fool around past 2nd base within a month "with me."

Lucinda

July 6th, 2010
12:09 pm

@George P I’m sure you know that sappy old expression about letting a butterfly go free. If its yours, it will return. Enjoy your time and space, let her do the same. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

@Leggs u gutsy!

Professor

July 6th, 2010
12:09 pm

Leggs will you two meet again as in a second date?

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
12:10 pm

Wow Leggs, told ya, he’s bringing it hard. So he wants to marry eh? Well, he’s what about 10 years or so older….not on the horizon for you? What’s a divorced widower? Blue eyes? Contacts I gathered….I kid I kid. Are you dating outside the race?

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
12:11 pm

@Leggs u gutsy!

you sho is

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
12:12 pm

Alright….we have another client luncheon/meeting. This time they asked if they could come onsite. I’m think I’m going to look to transfer….maybe. All this luncheoning and hob knobbing just ain’t me.

PrincessNik

July 6th, 2010
12:12 pm

alright LEGGS spill it :lol:

Lucinda

July 6th, 2010
12:12 pm

…and my Friday update, it is definitely “on” with the new Mr Man. :)

Trevor0529

July 6th, 2010
12:12 pm

Leggs, that’s nice to hear. Glad you had a nice time.

Melo

July 6th, 2010
12:14 pm

@Leggs?Proff!!

Ghana expired but there were techno difficulties this morning!
@Swiss..im with u..lets gang on this young playa and school him
George P??
This is by far the most serious relationship for either of us

do u even realize how u are speaking for ur girl…this is the most serious relationship for either of u..who says??

what u are saying is not uncommon..it is a phenomena prevalent in pple who are victims..trying to cover up for the person who inflicts the blows..psychologically,this lessens the blow to ur psyche but masks the reality. Its over.

all u need to understand is this..chic does not want to be with u anymore..she is already independent there abroad and u being here..what more independence wld she need??

the thing she is articulating is what makes u confused…she not comfortable with phluccking other dudes and lying to u as if u are still tgether..no wonder she gives u the latitude to explore and see other pple. Its like a dude not calling a girl to break up the relationship and only calling every so often..same difference. It means dude aint interested coz if he were,he wld show more care and concern by calling and talking every day,twice or thrice.

Move on coz the writing is on the wall..If chic wanted u,she wld not be advocating for a break…

Is it me who is confused..??

Break means we are in luv??? :roll: :roll:

mark

July 6th, 2010
12:15 pm

@ Leggs i would love to try and make you smile! please drop me an e-mail and lets see what happens :)
@ Professor it was not a swiss woman that i would not date. i said i only date sistas and am not willing to change on that!

It's me....lurker

July 6th, 2010
12:16 pm

Ut oh Leggs, you got it going on…now Mark wants to hook up. I think he’s younger. Do it girl!

kimmie

July 6th, 2010
12:16 pm

Young love first love has to be handled differently. So pull back, and back out but make sure you guard your heart and not be a fool.

I agree!

Professor

July 6th, 2010
12:17 pm

PrincessNik

July 6th, 2010
12:18 pm

Professor

July 6th, 2010
12:22 pm

@PK I know, but it made me so sad…I want to know more about it from all viewpoints.

:shock:
:cry:

blue

July 6th, 2010
12:25 pm

how do y’all do the emoticons from work, guess im waay behind the times there.
anyway, Professor, OMG,i feel so sad for her, but in her own way, she was showing how much she loved them.

Melo

July 6th, 2010
12:26 pm

@Lucinda..

did he say”im luuuubing u, i think”" oh he hasnt said so yet but u did??

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
12:38 pm

@swiss ~ nothing else to tell, he could have been your father! :wink: Very nice man. He did state he would like to see me again.

@it’s me….lurker ~ girl, you are funny. Love reading you.

@mark ~ I need your address in order to drop you an email????

@blue ~ i’m swiss has the cheat sheet on the emoticons!

@Lucinda ~ gutsy….hmmm just a little!

@Prof ~ how you doing?

blue

July 6th, 2010
12:39 pm

always wonder if these older folk are just cut from a different cloth. the article says she and her husband were married 60 years. im going on 11 and want to bash him, lol. how do they do it!

Professor

July 6th, 2010
12:43 pm

@blue I feel the same way. Swiss posted a cheat sheet on them with a link. She was just showing her love and the funny thing is she was married 60 years and her twin died…what a bond.

@Leggs I am good, and you? Now remember Poppa Swiss might not be inclined to date you if you do a replay on the blog. You know how men are? :wink:

@Mark blame it on the goose coffee I thought you would not date a sister that dated a swiss or something to that point.

czBrat

July 6th, 2010
12:44 pm

HiYas!

how is every lil thing on MIA?? hmmmm … on topic: i’ve asked s/o for a ‘break’. i was told those are strictly forbidden :lol:

blue, how do they do it?. they tell themselves daily that there is no better other option. something i just don’t think we do anymore.

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
12:47 pm

@Prof ~ Yes, I know that. But that’s all that went down. We met for a drink and talked a little and I was back in my car driving down the road talking on the phone with another friend. I like him, he’s very confident in himself. That’s a good thing to show me.

@czB ~ don’t let me come over there and beat your behind. :lol: :lo: even though I know you’re kidding!

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
12:50 pm

“…nothing else to tell, he could have been your father!”

Leggs — Hmm… My dad is a widower… Now wouldn’t that be some blog gossip, if you became my step-mom… ;-) :lol:

blueHere’s your emoticon cheat sheet

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
12:51 pm

Not like him, like him (don’t know him)….I like him in that he’s a cool, confident person. That’s nice to see.

Leggs

July 6th, 2010
12:52 pm

@i’m swiss ~ that would be hysterical!

blue

July 6th, 2010
12:53 pm

thanx swiss!

Melo

July 6th, 2010
12:54 pm

make sure you guard your heart and not be a fool.

@Proff??

In dating,esp for guys, its always better being a smart jerk than being a dump shyytt!

Females dont give dump shyyt guys no play nor second chance…

smart jerks…..?? as LURKER wld say:

YEAAAAAAAH!!!

i'm swiss

July 6th, 2010
12:56 pm

Mama Leggs — Just remember: My family has always believed in discipline, and we kids are never to old to spank:lol:

Melo

July 6th, 2010
12:57 pm

rather..dumb shyytt!

Professor

July 6th, 2010
12:57 pm

Melo, gotcha

BTW, where is MR LURKER? Did y’all kick him off while I was out on Friday?

blue

July 6th, 2010
1:02 pm

time for the finding of food, lets c what you guys are onto by the time i get back lol

Kym--News Junkie >>Level 5

July 6th, 2010
1:03 pm

@Swiss..why are you not talking about your former UGA athletic director or did I miss that convo on last week. The Dawg nation is just not having a good news year at all.