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Relationship 101: Building trust

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately.  We may think we want one (at least I do!) but we forget how much work is involved in building a good relationship that actually lasts beyond the “caught up in the haze of love” phase.

After the novelty of a new relationship wears off, the two of you are left with the business of finding out what makes one another tick.  You get to see your significant other deal with different situations  and circumstances, which in turn, reveals a lot about their character.

What surprises me most about being in a relationship is the amount of work it takes to get a guy to open up emotionally.  Sometimes it takes men a long time to trust, especially if he is unsure of how he feels about her.  Is that the case for women? I think it is.  I don’t fully disclose everything to men I date casually.  It takes me quite a while to connect and actually feel safe with a man.

When do you feel as if you can trust someone that you are dating?  At what point do you think they can handle the heavy stuff?

Is there a way for a woman to build trust with a man so that he knows she is reliable and trustworthy?  Can men do things to prove to women that they can be trusted?

Is there

405 comments Add your comment

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

July 1st, 2010
10:39 am

Professooooooooooooooooooooooor whats uuuuup!! You know you’re not right for that list but uumm you girl Elin is about to get PPPAAAIIIIDDD!! With all of that “extracurricular activity” Cheetah had goin on there’s no way she was getting anything less than $750 million.

Kym--Elin Woods is the Winner!!

July 1st, 2010
10:41 am

Yeah I must shout out to the paralegals who work for Elin’s attorney(I know the head attorney did research jack) They found out Tiger had more cash all over. (He is suppose to be working on a golf course in Dubai)..still 750 million..no book deals, no appearances on Oprah,..

Elin just wanted Tiger to keep his women away from the kids..which I don’t think will be a problem..hell he was just Rick Ross ‘em anyway..(Shout out to Riley Freeman)

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

July 1st, 2010
10:42 am

Morning All …good topic.

First, I liked what Lucinda said a lot…much wisdom.

Trust and vulnerability go hand in hand. My big issue witt trust is not infidelity, I would just leave her, one strike and she is out. My issue is can I show vulnerability and her not use it against me. Trust, to me, is when you can expose your “soft underbelly” and feel with a high degree of comfort that the SO might sympathise or even empathise, but not wield it as a weapon against you in the future. Trust is the foundation for any relationship I want to be in…without it, one is asking for a lot of pain and hurt.

Oh and one more thing, IT HAS TO WORK BOTH WAYS!!!

GHANA

July 1st, 2010
10:43 am

Find a super rich man that will cheat.

@Proff??

super rich and whose intelligence is one dimensional.

u gotta be a real succker to value a coochy u hardly ever phluccked and a mouf that didnt knock ur socks off… at 750 mil$

most of these cross race unions are about exotic displays the other is giving while the other was curious and pleasantly surprised, pleased and dont wanna go back(ive heard) :lol: :lol: well,money too..(cant forget my gold diggers) :lol:

Tiger’s outsourcing has cost him dearly!

Lady-Solid as a Rock

July 1st, 2010
10:44 am

Enter your comments here

Kym--Elin Woods is the Winner!!

July 1st, 2010
10:44 am

@Kimmie Tiger will not be hurting for cash..Elin thought he was worth a billion..turns out he got more than that…and considering his branding..he will make that up in no time. Speaking of which I am going to have to go buy Tiger’s new golf game..might as well help the bro..get back on his feet..LMAO

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

July 1st, 2010
10:44 am

Like a fire we need an accelerant…we need to add some wood hence my suggestion

Well since you mentioned “wood”….I really wish it would either rain and get it over with so the sun will come out or I need to make a phone call…..oh wait I don’t have anybody to call…which could either be really good or a perfect storm for trouble ;)

Professor

July 1st, 2010
10:45 am

Girl I need to go to the club sit in VIP with a neon sign.

Help Wanted Sign

I started to post an ad, but I will past.

Professor

July 1st, 2010
10:47 am

@Purple :grin:

@Sassssssssssssssssssssssy call that boy toy and give him one for the road. He will thank you later in my Drake voice. :grin:

kimmie

July 1st, 2010
10:48 am

To Professor’s points about the blog recycling – hey abc, we’ve beat that horse to death on here many times too, the old “men are logical, women are emotional”. Yada, yada, yada

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

July 1st, 2010
10:48 am

Caveat about Tiger. He better get his head back in the game (golf, not the other) or he will be last year’s news. He is losing that control he had before.

Lady-Solid as a Rock

July 1st, 2010
10:49 am

Waving @ Professor and Sassy!!!!

Howdy Blog Crew!!!!!

Trust starts with yourself and the ramifications you submit to others will determine your trustworthiness!

I’m trusting each of you will have an AWESOME 4th of July!

Peace

Professor

July 1st, 2010
10:49 am

I think Melo or MR LURKER would make an excellent addition to the blog.

I know Melo got that paper so Ajc Cox better not offer him any peanuts as the salary. I want Melo to post raw and uncut the same way he blogs.

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
10:50 am

You want man emotions, allow me to share. This blog usually has some good advice:

I promise on Mary and Joseph’s baby Jesus, that if this woman I married criticizes me one more time I am going to go crazy, I have tried to talk to bring it to her attention only to be cut off every single time. 95% of the time she opens her mouth she is complaining or just “talking at me” and I can’t tell her a darn thing. I am starting to get quiet and just stay to myself. Is this part of pregnancy or do I have bigger issues. I called her doctor and he says that it will go away after the first part of the pregnancy but this stuff is about to make me go crazy.

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
10:52 am

Randyt, I think Tiger needs to just be single and have all of the women he wants. He seemed to play better when he had a bunch of women.

Kym--Elin Woods is the Winner!!

July 1st, 2010
10:52 am

@RandyT I think he will eventually..I told someone I think after his dad died..Tiger just started wilding out. I think Papa Woods provided him with the balance he needed..but when died Tiger was just kind of lost. He just needs to get pass all this foolishness and get back to what Daddy told him.

kimmie

July 1st, 2010
10:53 am

Tiger will not be hurting for cash

Kym – That’s why I don’t feel a bit sorry for him!LOL!!!

Professor

July 1st, 2010
10:54 am

If you women want an emotional man as the counterpart I would like to officially nominate Ms. Man she is emotional as a woman, but tough as a man. He will let you know if your purse and shoes match, while giving you the male opinion.

Does anyone second that motion????

Wassup Lady are you ready for NOLA? Be safe and have fun.

What time is it?

July 1st, 2010
10:55 am

Men and women have been hurt in past relationships with trust issues. I think that it is hard to trust anyone in your present relationship if you keep thinking about past trust problems. No one is perfect. We will always be to cautious in current relationships if we keep comparing them to past failures. Remember, all relationships are failures, until you find the one that works. I lay my cards on the table. I let the woman that I like make an informed decision to be with me or not. Flowers on that date always help, when discussing issues.

MusingLee "Woods"

July 1st, 2010
10:56 am

Elin got me considering finding some rich chick who can pay me down.

Musing: Baby I got a plan..Imma get me a suga momma, get paid like Tiger’s wife.

Mrs. Musing: Sounds good to me what do I need to do

Musing: First you need to become a billionaire.

Mrs.Musing now slapping the black off of him.

Kym--Elin Woods is the Winner!!

July 1st, 2010
10:56 am

@Purple Rain..yeah you can’t reason with hormones..LOL!! Dude you have a double whammy going on..the honeymoon is over and you got more people coming..

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

July 1st, 2010
10:56 am

@ PR …it will probably pull back some soon (right now she is probably miserable and this damnable heat isn’t making her any more comfortable). However, there is a phase during childbirth which turns women into the meanest biotches you can imagine or just a little while 15 minutes or so. It is called ‘transition’ and is when her contrations start coming quickly if I remember correctly. She will let you know that you are the biggest “bastard” she ever met and it is all your fault that she is there (which is partly true actually). Just keep smiling and know that soon the drugs will kick in and she will mellow out. ;-)

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
10:58 am

Kym, does it really end or does it stay this way. I have been calling associates and friends from work begging them to do stuff so that I can get out of the house. I am starting to work later and later before I go home.

Professor

July 1st, 2010
10:58 am

@Kym I heard Daddy Woods did his cheating thing as well.

@Carlito I wish I could tell you about what you are talking about. You know Professor has never had a bun in the oven. :grin:

On a different note: There is a Christian blog I read often and participate in as well. The topic today is about clingy women as it relates to not allowing friends or boyfriends/husbands a certain amount of space. The blog is for women, so all the topics are directed at women.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

July 1st, 2010
11:01 am

call that boy toy and give him one for the road.

I did Professor….that’s when I had “the neighbors know my name” in my moniker either last week or the week before.

Heeey Lady!! Have fun on your trip to NOLA :lol:

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
11:01 am

I used to not being home and us up under each other all of the time, but not now. That’s why I am always in the garage or yard just dilly dallying around doing nothing, hoping she will fall asleep. If I leave home to go do something, she is calling me saying she is missing me. When I come back home the “talking at” me starts right back up. To myself I think “I should have stayed at the lake” at least I have some well maintained fishing gear.

Professor

July 1st, 2010
11:03 am

I have been calling associates and friends from work begging them to do stuff so that I can get out of the house. I am starting to work later and later before I go home

@Barney :grin: Purple take your tail home. Being gone might make it worse if she is sitting home wanting you and you are off somewhere tinkering with some friends. She will see through that mess. Hopefully it will be over soon. If you don’t want to be in the house do some stuff in your garage or plant a garden.

Kym--Elin Woods is the Winner!!

July 1st, 2010
11:03 am

@Purple Rain..dude buy yourself and ipod..this helps with tuning us out. It will go away…Preganacy has stages…right now she is adjusting just like you…well more than you..but still..it will past..just wait until the sex stage kicks in..by then you will be acting funky.

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

July 1st, 2010
11:04 am

Re Tiger, statistically given the numbers he put up (women now, not golf) I think it is likely that he must have slept with a few ladies here on the blog even. Okay, ‘fess up, which one or ones of you had “private lessons” from Tiger too???

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

July 1st, 2010
11:06 am

Okay, ‘fess up, which one or ones of you had “private lessons” from Tiger too???

:shock: Whatchu talkin’ bout Willis? You know good and well Cheetah doesn’t like sisters…

GHANA

July 1st, 2010
11:08 am

@PurpleR??

they do that when prego..it should end smetime unless she was already temperamental be4 the prego. And u know they emotional,so its a compicated combo of hormones.

During the duration of the prego(9 months homie) she may wake u up during the middle of the nite,ask u to go to Kroger to get her some special food she is craving.
Just do it without saying none… :-)

Does she do that when shes in Space on her monthly cycle??

Its too bad u aint on weed anymore..this is the time to smoke to calm ur nerves! :lol:

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
11:08 am

Professor, my yard is perfect and the garage is excellent, because I have been out there so much. LOL

Kym, I am required to service her twice a day or all heck breaks loose. I feel like a piece of meat and not in a good way. I know some may think I am crazy or question my man card but it is no fun when it feels like a chore.

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

July 1st, 2010
11:08 am

Now Sassy, you can confide in me, no one will know, I promise ;-)

blue

July 1st, 2010
11:09 am

PR – agree with Kym, can’t really fight the hormones. dont know what she was like b4, but at least some of that she now cant help. u dont get the morning sickness, craziness of something moving inside u, and all the other ish if being preggo, this is part of your contribution to the cause, lol.she probably doesnt like it anymore than you do, its pregnancy crazy, and they dont make a pill for it.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

July 1st, 2010
11:10 am

No matter what Tiger did.. Elin dont deserve 750 million dollars.

Professor

July 1st, 2010
11:10 am

@Sasssy I was thinking the same thing, Tiger said, “If you black get back.” LOL

@Melo not the weed :grin:

Lady-Solid as a Rock

July 1st, 2010
11:11 am

@Professor I do support a male’s perspective will bring a new swing to MIA! While I’m an avid fan and as some have expressed to me the topics are running together….we have great male lurkers and bloggers and maybe they will email WD more with topics.

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
11:11 am

Ghana, she is not this bad on her monthly when she had them. I hope it goes away because this is not cool.

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
11:12 am

I just think she is taking advantage of the situation, but as a man I can’t say that to her.

Kym--Elin Woods is the Winner!!

July 1st, 2010
11:14 am

@DK..I knew that was coming..why doesnt she deserve 750million. I think its a small price to pay to keep her off Oprah.

blue

July 1st, 2010
11:14 am

agree with Professor, running from the house wont help, just too much potential to add fuel to the fire.
if she wants you to go to Kroger in the middle of the night, put your shoes on and go, and when you get beck and she doesnt want it anymore, just put it in the fridge. just do what she tells you and you should make it to the other side, lol
got 3 midgets, and hubby is still alive cause he just went to DQ when i asked him to, lol

kimmie

July 1st, 2010
11:15 am

You know good and well Cheetah doesn’t like sisters…

Sassy – LOL!!! Okay!!!!

But yet a lot of them like Cheetah try to say WE’RE the golddiggers! Hummmmm…. Whose looking like a fool now? :shocked:

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

July 1st, 2010
11:16 am

PR, they are right, just hormones. you will see them once or twic more in a way that will really have your head spinning. One is “transition”. As the contractions start coming faster and harder during childbirth there is a release of hormones that sometimes has a woman going totally bonkers and calling you every name in the book. Lasts maybe 15 to 30 minutes but will seem longer. The other one is the weird one, ‘post partum blues”. Not every lady gets them but many do. Post partum blues are a couple of weeks aftr childbirth. You will be sitting at the table, or watching television or something, and all of a sudden she might burst out bawling. your first reaction is going to be “what did I do this time” and she will say “nothing” which she wilss say in normal arguements. Then you will ask what is wrong, and she won’t have a clue. It is the weirdest thing you can imagine. If you have any doubts about women’s hormones being real before, this will end that fantasy forever.

Professor

July 1st, 2010
11:18 am

@Purple, well you can always come help me weed the flower/garden beds, mop and wash the cars. :grin:

@lady it would be great if some of our blog men or lurkers sent wise some topics. Do you think we need a Ms. Man?

Leggs

July 1st, 2010
11:18 am

Good morning!

@Lucinda ~ excellent summary of the phases of trust. Loving it.

@Kym ~ Elin is one smart cookie

@MusingLee ~ I totally understand! But, you continuously walked the golf course with the wrong women. $750 mil….sure hope it was worth it….Tiger Woods is the fool of all fools (and I don’t care how much money he has left).

Trust, I must be honest, since I’ve been solo for so long, trust is going to be slow going. I just hope I don’t stay on Lucinda’s Phase I too long!

{{Midnight viewing of Twlight Eclipse was so much fun. This is the best of the 3 thus far. The kids in the theatre pretty much behaved themselves. I was with some diehard Twlight fans. So glad I steered clear of South DeKalb Mall and Stonecrest.}}

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

July 1st, 2010
11:19 am

No matter what Tiger did.. Elin dont deserve 750 million dollars.

You’re right probably not…BUUT b/c of what he did(heyal look at how much he did) she’s going to get it. Also keep in mind that as soon as the scandal broke they renegotiated the terms of their prenuptial agreement…AND if he can afford to give his main wHOre 10 milli then know and understand that his wife and mother of his children are gonna come up something hefty….when the dust clears…

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
11:20 am

She’s the type who will just up and go on her own even though I offer to go. I offer to go she says she doesn’t know what she wants, I offer to drive her and she says she wants to be alone. She comes back with a bunch of junk food that she is interested in for about an hour. Then, once it’s been here for a few days I eat it and she tells me that I am not eating healthy and that I am gaining weight. LOL, this stuff is crazy and humorous now that I am reading it as I type it. I just have to saddle up on my own, my horse said he will come back once I am ready to grab my balls again. LOL

SexyCool - Living on a cloud.

July 1st, 2010
11:21 am

Happy Mid Year!!!

Lady-Solid as a Rock

July 1st, 2010
11:21 am

Thanks Ladies I’m def ready NOLA!!!!!!

Purple Rain

July 1st, 2010
11:23 am

If A Ms. Man started to co-facilitate this blog, I’m gone. LOL

So basically you all are telling me to just deal with it and do what she say’s? My response to that is “side eye” LOL