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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Archive for July, 2010

Celibacy bait and switch

There is no easy way to frame this discussion so I’m just going to put it to you guys straight.  I think we have a good cross section of readers that can provide good answers to this question:

Is it possible to take a dating relationship to non-sexual after you have already been intimate?

Whether it was first date hooking up or a one night stand attempt, what happens when someone decides to hop on the celibacy plan?

How would you handle a shift to a “no sex in the champagne room” kind of relationship if you really liked the person? Would it matter at all if you knew why they wanted to become celibate?

What if it was the other way around? What if you met someone who was celibate and they decided to hop off the celibacy plan?

For my own curiosity, I would like to ask those who are on dry land, how do you even broach the subject of your celibacy?   When is the best time to tell someone you are dating that you don’t hook up?

Happy Friday!

Continue reading Celibacy bait and switch »

A new low: Hustling dates using religion

I was simply perplexed reading this news report, Lying for sex means jail time in Israel.

I know people lying to get laid is nothing new but using church or religion, as a means to deceive a person just bugs me to no end.  Is nothing sacred anymore!?

Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of people who think that church or religion is a  great thing to have in common with someone you want to date.  That is totally different.  When you view religion or church as a tool to get laid, I think you’re just racking up hell points.

Do you think that in some way a lot of people lie to get laid at some point?

Have you ever discovered that you were deceived by someone after hooking up with them?  How do you handle something like that?

Is it just me or do you think religion and sex are like oil and water?

Continue reading A new low: Hustling dates using religion »

Dating: Accessing the ex-files

Whether we believe men and women can really be “friends” or not, the dynamics change after the two of you have made an attempt at a romantic relationship.  I am always curious about those who remain friends and make it work without any old issues resurfacing.

How does the new person in your life handle the fact that you not only still speak to your ex, but they are actually a big part of your life?  Do we hold on to our exes because we secretly wish for another chance?

How much access to our exes do we really need when we are dating someone new?  I recently met a guy who has an annual vacation trip with his ex.   I don’t know if I have any exes that I would go on vacations with but I could handle a casual friendship with a few.  As it stands, I operate on the assumption that they are all miserable without me somewhere, because that’s just how big my ego is!

Would you want your ex to remain a  prominent part or your life?

If you have a great relationship with an ex, did …

Continue reading Dating: Accessing the ex-files »

Not that kind of girl

I was listening to Q100’s the Bert Show yesterday and the topic of one-night stands came up. It was pretty interesting to hear the different perspectives but I was most interested in when they mentioned how women work hard to maintain the appearance of innocence.

I can remember when I first moved to Atlanta (when I was still innocent!) and being totally surprised at how women openly talked about their sex lives. I considered it something of an enigma! Were these women talking this way to the men they date too? Well, not exactly.

No matter how “open” some women are, it is still important to a lot of single women that they have a wholesome, almost prudish image to the guys they date. Then there are others that are open and don’t care letting guys know what they like. Sidenote: A lot of my guy friends blame it on Sex and the City.

I’ll put it to you guys: Ladies, do you work at maintaining an “appearance of innocence” with the men that you date? Guys: Have you found that …

Continue reading Not that kind of girl »

Good to you vs. Good for you

There comes a time in every person’s dating career when you have to stop dating inappropriate people.  I know we like to think there is something about those folks that bring you thrills and excitement, but trust me that grows old really fast. Besides, you can’t compare the excitement you feel when you are with the right person!

It’s not always easy determining who is good for you because a lot of us get caught up in how “good” they make us feel.  How do you know when you are dating someone who is good for you?  When do you figure out they are the marrying type vs. the dating type?  I’ve always heard that men know almost immediately which category they will put a woman in. What’s their secret?! (Seriously guys, spill it).

If you are trying to weed out the inappropriate people (crazies, hot and little else to offer, etc.), what do you observe and pay attention to the most?

If you are seeing someone now, are they good for you? How do you …

Continue reading Good to you vs. Good for you »

Putting the man in ROMANTIC

Men won’t always publicly admit to wanting to be courted and romanced. They don’t have a published manifesto on how they want women to express their love. So when it comes to reciprocating the great dates that men take us on, ladies could always use a little help!

I’ve heard guys say something as simple as wearing his dress shirt is romantic to them. They don’t need grand gestures of romance! What else do men consider romantic?

How should a woman plan an evening for a man she really wants to make feel special?

Ladies, what is the best “manly” date you ever planned for someone you were dating? Guys, what is the best date you have ever had planned for you? What was the most romantic?

Happy Friday!!

Continue reading Putting the man in ROMANTIC »

Do you have a right to snoop?

All of the modern technology we use that has us all plugged into the matrix can also become a big distraction.  I have heard stories upon stories of how technology played a role in the ending of a relationship.

Whether it was a racy cell phone picture or dirty text, we have more tools at our disposal to find out information, if we are on a fact gathering “mission” to do so.  Whether it’s a great thing or not so great thing, well it’s debatable.

If we have all the technology to find out information, should we use it in our dating relationships?  I’ve heard people say that it’s so easy to snoop these days, it would behoove us to do so to protect ourselves. What do you think?

Should you go snooping into your date or mate’s life? Do you think you are entitled to find out information if you don’t think they are forthcoming?

What would you do if you found out that someone you are dating or interested in dig a little snooping on you? Would it bother …

Continue reading Do you have a right to snoop? »

Help! I feel like a Sugar Mama

I received a question from a reader who has a little dating dilemma.  Her new boyfriend makes significantly less money than she does.   It did not seem to bother either of them in the beginning (most things don’t!) but as the relationship is progressing, things are becoming awkward.

She has already bought him clothes, paid for a vacation, and last week he asked her for a loan.  It is making her feel like a “sugar mama” at this point.  How does she handle this without ruining the relationship?

Is it a bad idea to lend money to the person you are dating? Do you think this type of thing alters the dynamics in how a man and woman relate to one another in a relationship?

Should you disclose the amount of money you are making to someone you have just started dating?

When do you bring up money?

Continue reading Help! I feel like a Sugar Mama »

Do men avoid tough conversations?

Hello everyone! I hope your weekend was wonderful. Mine was super busy and super fun. I had a really great time at the National Black Arts Festival (NBAF) this weekend. It was a weekend packed with music, art, food, and all the great things that make Atlanta so great!

I even managed to squeeze in a date with Ben, a guy I met last month at the airport. It’s like the 3rd time I’ve met a guy in the airport, oddly enough. Maybe I should hang out there even when I’m not flying!

The date went really well and the conversation was very engaging. We got on the subject of relationships and why they seem so hard to keep. Ben mentioned how a lot of women think that men don’t like or want to communicate. He said the reality is that some men love to talk but they aren’t at all comfortable with accusatory, emotional, or intense conversations.

Apparently women are fans of these types of conversations. Guys hear the dreaded, “We have to talk” and their eyes glaze over and they sort of …

Continue reading Do men avoid tough conversations? »

The art of great first dates

Far be it from me to complain about the precious few dates so far this summer. I never want to appear rude or anything but I have to send a public service announcement out:

First dates can make or break your potential romance.

Yeah, I know this seems like a no-brainer, but ask any single person about their most disastrous dates ever. Chances are they were on the one  (and only) first date that failed miserably.

I have wondered why there is so much pressure to impress on a first date. You don’t have to really go all out on some grand gesture. Nor should you pluck ideas from these ridiculous reality tv dating shows.

You know what works best? Normal. No, really! Doing something you have already found to be enjoyable and pleasant. No surprises. No gimmicks. A perfectly normal activity or past time you like to do, but with someone you are really really attracted to.

The more normal the date, the less distracted you are. This way, you can catch any crazy behavior or …

Continue reading The art of great first dates »