What happens when chemistry goes MIA?

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
8:11 am

LURKER is first! YEAHHHHHHHH

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
8:22 am

Good Morning All,

I am inclined to argue that the emotional connection to him gets broken somehow.<<<<I agree. I think women like men may have the physical attraction first but it is the emotional connection or attraction that keeps us around. We have to know that we are connecting to you in more than just the physical..we need to know(feel) that the connection is beyond..your cologne. If not, then we seek that connection some place else. Being there for me..is not just your physical body. It is the whole package.

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
8:23 am

What it do people?

Lurker will answer a few questions for Wisa Diva because she needs some help, then get on with the shenanigans. YEAHHHH

Has this ever happened to you? You are really drawn to a person. You begin to date and the chemistry grows stronger and stronger. Things between you two go to the next level and it becomes exclusive. Then suddenly out of the blue, you don’t feel the same attraction anymore. It’s gone. Dissipated. What happened!?

Deal breakers usually come into play this will cause you to loose chemistry quick, fast and a hurry! YEAH!

Well Wisa Diva has ask too many questions this early in the morning!

Chemistry can dissipate for a variety of reasons, if you have too many requirements and your man does not meet some of those requirements, now comes doubt and loss of chemistry.

Shenanigans in the next post!

I want to have a summer LOVE JONES with FREE TO B2, where you at sexy? YEAHHH

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
8:28 am

Good morning,

Oxytocin – it’s a chemical released by the brain that causes attachment. It’s also responsible for addictive behaviors.

Oxytocin is released during the initial stages of romance, causing you to actually need the object of your desire near. As the romance develops, production of this chemical decreases and the brain begins to form different connections, one’s based on evolutionary needs (protection, concern, etc.).

Further along into a relationship, this attachment becomes permanent, kinda like a favorite color. S/he is as much a part of your day as remembering to brush your teeth.

I personally subscribe to the Love Jones theory of ‘possibility’. That the love isn’t gone, but couples lose their sense of the possible with that person, that there’s nothing left to discover.

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
8:29 am

@WD

A belated ‘Happy Birthday’!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
8:35 am

GM All!

don’t get too excited … i’m just popping in

Is it because the mystery is gone and you know way too much about the person too soon?
i think that’s why dudes go casper.

Is it because you created some fantasy chemistry that doesn’t even exist in the real world?
and this is why chicks take flight.

for me, i simply start to picture what our lives would be like together long-term, and if it doesn’t make me smile i know it’s time to bail.

miss yas!!

The chemistry most likely disappears...

June 29th, 2010
8:44 am

…about the same time the poontang gets conquered – in both directions!?!?

Professor

June 29th, 2010
8:52 am

Hey MR LURKER!!!!!

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH you made it in first

~brb I have a meeting.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:21 am

It’s scary when you open your heart, especially if others cannot match your fiery intensity. You may overcompensate by demonstrating your ability to be emotionally detached now instead of admitting how much you care. Rather than keeping score, remember that every person expresses love differently. Your fears will dissipate when you graciously accept what is currently being offered without further judgment……..

Mystery hmmmmmmm………pondering……

Good Morning Terrific Tuesday in progress………

Chink

June 29th, 2010
9:22 am

Good Morning

I have to agree with the assessment that the emotional connection becomes frayed. Chemistry I think is sometimes a fantasy…I dont’t think anybody is always in love with their partner sometimes you are going to hate their guts. Loving someone is not always easy. And you also have to be cognizant of not putting your partner through too much drama I think that kills attraction also.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:35 am

Usually if the chemistry is there the chemistry is there. However, if the chemistry is built on a false premise it will go away fast. I know a lot of us like fireworks. Fireworks are relationships that starts out with a big bang and light things up; however, fireworks go out quickly. I love the smile that comes across my face when I get that phone call from the right person, but I am secure and logical enough to know that I need more.

GHANA don’t forget to ask your question.

Wassup Lady

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:36 am

If you want to know how to keep the chemistry alive, you need to know the number one need all women have (if you are a man, well I guess in this day and time if you date women) and you should know the number one need all men have if you date men.

If you need me to school you on this let me know.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
9:37 am

Morning
First want to congratulate Urban Prep in Chicago for sending 100% of it’s graduating class to college.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100628/ap_on_re_us/us_the100_percenters_abridged

ON TOPIC: Chemistry vanishes for different reasons. Not all interactions are meant to last. Sometimes that chemistry is only good for the moment, and it’s precisely when we try to extend it longer than what it’s good for that it vanishes. It’s like your favorite hole-in-the wall restaurant that’s packed everyday, but as soon as it expands in an attempt to replicate that success it loses something…food just doesn’t seem the same anymore. Sometimes we just have to enjoy things for what they are.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
9:41 am

Morning All –

Good topic. Chemistry does fade, it doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. If you’re committed, you try your best to keep it alive…but must understand there will be times you aren’t really feeling your partner. It doesn’t mean it’s time to hit the door, but it does mean that it’s time to acknowledge where these feelings stem from.

My partner and I have great chemistry. But one thing that makes him laugh is when I tell him he needs a day off from me. I know I can be a brat, and no one should have to deal with me any longer than they should. But seriously, no one should lose themselves in their relationship. It breeds resentment. So I make sure he and I get enough “me” time so that the chemistry stays strong.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:43 am

waving @ professor! go ahead produce that list!!!!!!

did you say false premise…..hmmmmmm……..adults being ambiguous……why…….what’s there end goal……lol…..i digress…..just wonder is it that serious when all claim they don’t have time for drama but are authors of it to a point……lol……..

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:45 am

meant their not there two diff meanings at best! I am trying to wake up……..lol……

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
9:47 am

Good post AmRed…I totally identify with the second part.

Lady,cz and la Professoraaaaaaa…heeeey y’all!!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
9:48 am

Good Morning,

I have to agree with ARed:

…..must understand there will be times you aren’t really feeling your partner. It doesn’t mean it’s time to hit the door, but it does mean that it’s time to acknowledge where these feelings stem from.

Is it because you created some fantasy chemistry that doesn’t even exist in the real world?

I think this happens sometimes too, of course “chemistry” can sometimes be simply physical and once you get past that and realize there isn’t a balanced equation that includes the other parts; mental, spiritual, emotional, then it all falls apart.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
9:48 am

Thanks Sassy!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:49 am

Hey Sassy!!!!

ARed great post!

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 29th, 2010
9:50 am

Dan – I like the way you put that. Needing your person in your life is like needing to brush your teeth.

It ain’t sexy, but it’s the truth.

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
9:50 am

Nothing will ever match those early days of first falling in love, that’s just how it is. Get over it and look for a good man to settle down with. Newsflash: Life is not like the movies.

I swear some of you are dead set on dying alone.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:52 am

Chemistry isn’t the sustaining factor……substance carries it…….the true commitment to stick it out for the shared relationship goal…….space needs to be an ongoing measurement………

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
9:52 am

I personally subscribe to the Love Jones theory of ‘possibility’. That the love isn’t gone, but couples lose their sense of the possible with that person, that there’s nothing left to discover.

@Dan, I Like that.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
9:53 am

Chemistry isn’t the sustaining factor……substance carries it…….the true commitment to stick it out for the shared relationship goal…….space needs to be an ongoing measurement………

@ Lady J, ummm please explain what you mean.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:54 am

Hey Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy!

@Lady you hit the nail on the head with this one.

just wonder is it that serious when all claim they don’t have time for drama but are authors of it to a point……lol……..

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
9:56 am

Thanks Lady J -

It’s easy to panic when the relationship you want in your head is not the relation that’s happening in real life. But you’ve gotta get back to the root of it all. And if your reasons for being with that person still hold true, you have to ride the ups and downs of it, just like with anything in life.

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
9:56 am

You got it Lady. A lot of these women think their life should be like a movie, they don’t live in reality. And they will die alone.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:58 am

Party people please don’t use chemistry to hide the fact that you are needy or insecure. Part of chemistry is knowing what components mix well and what should be witheld. In the words of Ared give your partner a vacation day or off day.

@Lady no list today.

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 29th, 2010
9:58 am

Interesting..

A guy doesn’t want to be wrapped around a woman’s finger because the woman will subconsciously lose respect for him because she knows she has him whipped. Once she knows she has you whipped, you aren’t a challenge for her anymore. Its a catch 22.

I think people lose the attraction because they look at dating as a carousel and actually never get to really know any person. Its just a series of random encounters. Its like they have ADD (Atlanta Dating Disorders). Males and Females cant focus on any one person because of the misc. stuff going on.

I was dealing with a girl and everything was great, she was calling, texting, we were hanging out, then out of no where, she has been slipping…she said she’s been super busy at work, she is flaking out on me if we set up plans, so I think maybe the thrill is gone. Its all good. No sweat.

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

June 29th, 2010
9:59 am

Mystery breeds intrigue, familiarity breeds contempt.

The moment I find my interest waning, I tend to cut and run (and not proud of that).

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:00 am

You ought not be thinking about my chemistry.

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
10:01 am

Good Morning Erybody

I am inclined to agree with Steven. It seems as if women have the fantasy already and try to stick a dude in it for it to be fulfilled which to leads me to believe that you are not real with yourself and no man is going to be that which you have dreamed up.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:01 am

Continue to date each other through life and do not ever settle for not showing your SO what you mean to each other.

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
10:03 am

I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half now. We are probably getting married next year. When we first started going out I was beaming, skipping to work each morning. Do I still do that? No. I have gotten used to how great she makes me feel. That’s normal. But still when I look in her eyes, I am always reminded how much I love her and how lucky I am, and I always tell her that.

The infatuation fades, the love and appreciation of each other does not.

A lot of you have probably let great ones get away because you got bored with them. Sad.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:03 am

PK hmmmmmmmmm the warm and fuzziness, giggles, flattery it fades then what is left……..well we hope substance-what the two of you want like exclusivity, marriage, a true companionship-partnership, etc-a real relationship that doesn’t require chemistry as a foundation……….space is an important factor period……it gives the relationship balance to sustain through the rough and not so happy times when both share the same goals with commitment and sticking it out…….

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:05 am

Thanks Steven and Congrats!

Hey PR and Dig That!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:05 am

Purple Rain – Don’t you start this morning.

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
10:05 am

Dig That, it’s not all women, all though it is a lot of them. A lot of women let great guys get away because they watch too many movies and have unrealistic ideas about what a relationship should be. Don’t fret though, there are still some women out there who can spot a good man and are willing to settle down with him. And most of them are great women too.

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 29th, 2010
10:06 am

*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ *Today is a GREAT day! I hope that something or someone wonderful happens in your life today.

shaun

June 29th, 2010
10:06 am

First time posting here…. I think the person who said the Chemistry is not going to be strong everyday, hit it right… There are going to be those days when you will question the relationship, just like you sometimes question almost everything in your life. The solution is, not to run out on it, but focus on the problem and fix it. This is the reason most women are single, they find a man they like, but he does one thing they dont agree with, and they are ready to let it go.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:08 am

This is the reason most women are single, they find a man they like, but he does one thing they dont agree with, and they are ready to let it go.

I have done this.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:09 am

AmazonRed, that is still hilarious to me , I am trying not to use it at work today. LOL

Lady J, Haiiiiiiiiiiiii! “Pause” “NO HOMO”!

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
10:10 am

Yep Amazon. My girlfriend’s sister once broke up with a guy because she did not like his handwriting.

As I said earlier, she recently bought her first cat and is preparing to die alone.

You nailed it shaun.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:11 am

you are cool with me pr! be yourself! that is all I ask of you! have a great day!

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:11 am

@Lady, Dig and Steven Q.

I always think of the movies and the fireworks when I think of young love: high school sweethearts, first love, innocent love and that kind of love of during wartime (when you waited on your sweetie). In REALITY most of us will only feel that way when we are 16 or so. The things I wanted in guys 18 years ago is different now, and it would be foolish of me to think that is how love works in the relm of things. I love a partnership where we can work together. I don’t care if we are weeding the garden or putting up new lights. When I was 16 and in fantasy land with my sweetheart we talked on the phone one Friday night until about 6:00 am. I am taking my tail to bed these days, so I think people should just use a little logic and learn how to yield to one another if you are 30+ this is not a problem for those in their 20’s,

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:12 am

@ Lady J

Ok, i see where you are going, cool. My opinion though is that true chemistry is more than the warm fuzzies giggles etc. To me Chemistry is interacting with ease, bein comfy out on the town or just hanging out doing nothing. Same or similar goals for the relationship. Knowing and understanding that breaks will be needed but it doesnt mean you are on your way out the door or vice versa.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:12 am

Lady J, LOL

Steven, broke up with someone because of their handwriting? People still write?

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
10:12 am

hmmmmmmmmm the warm and fuzziness, giggles, flattery it fades then what is left……..

I think that’s only partly true….My mother’s parents aren’t married (to each other) but every time my (step)granny talks about grandaddy she lights up and gets all giddy and they’ve been married for ~40 yrs. When I hear the joy n love in her voice I think to myself I want that.

That being said, you do have some couples who act like oil n water and it makes one think why are you two together…it may’ve been all hot and heavy in the beginning but now things are like a wet blanket. Either way I think it depends on the couple. Remember Inauguration Day and the way the Pres. Obama looked at the First Lady during their first dance that night?…I thought that was priceless.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:13 am

@Shaun welcome to the blog great post.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:13 am

honesty is a good plicy to subscribe to……….beyondy the chemistry what do we want and how are we going to conquer it???

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
10:14 am

There are going to be those days when you will question the relationship, just like you sometimes question almost everything in your life. The solution is, not to run out on it, but focus on the problem and fix it.
Shaun Some things are worth fixing, and some aren’t. It’s not always so easy to make the distinction. It’s a gamble we all take.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:14 am

daggit “policy”

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:14 am

True chemistry to me means that even during unattractive times or moments you are still understanding and attracted to each other. I am not just speaking of the physical attributes of attraction, but the mental as well. There are in fact some unknowns in chemistry.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:15 am

Remember Inauguration Day and the way the Pres. Obama looked at the First Lady during their first dance that night?…I thought that was priceless.

@ Sassy, I agree

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:16 am

Sassy, I understand what you are talking about. My parents are the champions of PDA and extra goo- goo ga ga all of the time. I used to think it was sickening, but now I want to be just like them. They are farmers and farm our own land they are never apart except for maybe once or twice a year when my mom goes on vacation with my aunts.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:16 am

PK to me that is more than chemistry it wanting to be there and we will make it work because we want it period….to me chemistry isn’t the driving force…..wanting it more is…..IMO chemistry is “surface” to me I think….it doesn’t hold much value….

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:16 am

Yep Amazon. My girlfriend’s sister once broke up with a guy because she did not like his handwriting

LOL @ Stanley. I haven’t been that bad.

I remember breaking up with my college sweetheart because I came to visit him and all he wanted to do was sit in the house. I had never been to Washington before and wanted to see the city. I was mad he didn’t want to play host.

Turned out that he was having difficulty in baseball and was close to losing his scholarship. I didn’t get that he just needed a safe haven for a weekend at the time.

I’m getting better at stuff like that now…:lol:

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
10:18 am

I don’t think it is the attraction that dissipates, I think it is just the feeling that now we know each other, we are on that level now, so there is not as much mystery involved now, which may cause the flames to dwindle down to mere sparks. The attraction is still there or should still be there unless a person was a chameleon and showed you his other side initially and now you see how they really are. Other than that, I think you just have to hone in on what made you attracted to this person initially and stay focused on the relationship.

It could also be that the guy turned out to not be as mysterious and enticing as he was in the beginning. Kind of like…eating all the Crackerjacks in the box so fast, not really savoring them, only to get to that silly hologram sticker at the bottom and get all excited for about 2 minutes and then…….on to something else. (This applies to both men and women though— sort of like conquering!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:18 am

Sassy they are still together bc they want to be period with the smile or without they are sticking it out…….for their shared goal…..if chemistry was the deciding factor it would be over…..substance is key to me….just my thoughts…..

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
10:18 am

This is the reason most women are single, they find a man they like, but he does one thing they dont agree with, and they are ready to let it go.

And vice versa…bruh. There are just as many jaded men out there who make the new woman pay for the sins of the one that broke his heart into all those wittle pieces. They’re are the ones who tend to walk around with this inflated bravado/ego…always tryna prove something to whomever will listen or pay attention long enough. They also tend to come across as aloof and kinda whorish so as not to get that fragile ego smashed again…I’m jus’ sayin…

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
10:19 am

Here’s my thing with chemistry,

Love is…well love.

But ‘like’ is a mofo.

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
10:20 am

@Ared I am curious..did he tell you that he was having difficulty with the scholarship?

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:20 am

I hate to put this thing on rewing, BUT…

It is not just women that will grow old because of the fantasy theories. Many men will end up living solo for the same reason. Shoot I have seen it happen. You have men expecting women to be like Claire of the Cosby show, and that is so fake.

Riddle me this, what REAL woman actually cooks (I am not talking about Betty Crocker) gourmet meals daily, bake pies, work, feed the children, carpool, keep the home clean (by actually doing the work or supervising the housekeeper), dress in fishnet stockings and make passionate love to her husband. BTW she workout and have a six pack and her BMI is on point. All on a combined household income of ____K. I have seen men buy into this, and women pretend to do this.

If folks would just stop with the lies, fantasies and overall nonsense dating would be a lot easier. Not to mention you have to know yourself before you can get to know someone else. I’ve seen people that were honored and valued in a relationship, and did not know it because they did not know themselves what it truly meant.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:21 am

Life is nothing but chemistry, think about it. Some elements work well together others explode when they meet. Either way every reaction is a chemical reaction as is relationships. The greatest power on earth is a result of fission and the splitting of something that was once one. So in theory even “negative chemistry” can result in a good powerful result. LOL

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:21 am

we will will make it work

@Lady J, see that’s where we differ, I believe if you have to MAKE something work leave it alone. Not saying that I don’t think there will be times that you will have to put forth more effort to sustain the relationship. I think it should be a natural flow to the relationship. Sometimes you will have to do more and be more, sometimes it will be your partner who will have to do more and be more but most often you should do more and be more together.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
10:22 am

that kind of love of during wartime (when you waited on your sweetie).
Yeah Prof that’s definitely a fantasy. lol Having worked for the military during wartime, I can tell you that there are lots of wives/girlfriends in the local bars and clubs not even a week after their SO ships off.

Yep Amazon. My girlfriend’s sister once broke up with a guy because she did not like his handwriting.
I’m glad this isn’t the prevailing thought among women because I’d be disqualified every time…I’m a lefty. lol

CoolShadow

June 29th, 2010
10:22 am

Part of it is after the novelty and newness of the relationship wears off some of the flavor is lost, sort of like chewing gum. In the beginning when things are fresh and new, issues and insecurities are held or revealed to a minimum while we figure out the other person. As time passes and we get to ~~examine~~ know the other person, issues eventually creep in and we assess whether these issues are manageable or deal breakers. For those with low tolerance, their perception of amassing issues will give them pause and/or stop any progression in its tracks. And then the cycle repeats itself….

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:23 am

@Ared I am curious..did he tell you that he was having difficulty with the scholarship?

Not during the trip. I found out after I had already broken up with him.

It seems that BOTH he and I had expectations of how the weekend was going to go that didn’t mesh with reality. I also found out after the fact that he had bought all this food in expectation that I was gonna cook it for him.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:23 am

I was a jilted man for a long time, many many years and I know I broke many hearts when I should not have even been dating at all.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:23 am

hmmmmmmm PK looking @ my grandparents of close to 50 years they made it work trust……..it was not that natural flow……..i digress

M. (pronouced Mdot)

June 29th, 2010
10:24 am

@Shaun
@Sassy
@Amazon

“This is the reason most women are single, they find a man they like, but he does one thing they dont agree with, and they are ready to let it go.”

I think this goes for both sides because I think we single people forget that relationships and dating interactions go in WAVES after the honeymoon phase is over.

Its up to us if we want to ride the wave out. If the same issues and behaviors keep occuring, then maybe it is time to end things but also sometimes it may just be a wave.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:24 am

Love is not a chore, nor should it ever feel like one.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
10:25 am

I feel you Lady and understand your thoughts. I guess it’s all about the couple involved but I understand your point,chica.

You saw that,too Princess? There’s was just so much love and adoration in his eyes when he looked at her.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:26 am

Some people have a roller coaster love, some have a smooth sailing love, some have different seasons of love. There is no set pattern just make sure that you are in love with someone who can handle the type of lover that you are.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:26 am

meaning putting the work in period…….just like working everyday we put the work in to be successful @ what we do the overall love is there for our work however we have to put the work in it isn’t just going to flow is my point…..

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:27 am

@DreamsM,

I actually deleted a portion of my post regarding wartime, because I thought most folks knew I was talking about WWI or WWII when the lady lived at home with her parents. Either she waited or she married someone else, but she was not at Compound or having a one night stand. You know it was a time period where honor and respect was more prevalent.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:27 am

There is a difference between being in love with someone and just being respectful and loyal. SOme people are together but not in love.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:28 am

Love is not a chore, nor should it ever feel like one.

I don’t know if I agree with that. I love my parents, my sisters, my family, but sometimes I don’t want to do ish that I know I should do.

I love my job…but sometimes I don’t wanna get out the bed and go.

Same with church.

It think folks put expectations on “love” that aren’t realistic of real people and real human emotion.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:28 am

You are right PR it isn’t a chore and the love to sustain will carry it with not running when not so lovely things occur

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
10:29 am

I’ve seen people that were honored and valued in a relationship, and did not know it because they did not know themselves what it truly meant.
Yes, yes, and YES!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:29 am

Lady J, my grandparents were married 40 + years before my grandmother passed away, and once she passed i saw a whole other side to my grandfather that I had not seen it was almost as if i his natural personality had been repressed, once I was old enough to be allowed in on the discussions I found out basically that they had “made it work” sure they loved each other and I suppose had a certain respect for one another………..but i Swear my grandfather did a 180 from the personality I had always known it was almost like “i’m free”

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
10:30 am

Proff??

say it..school us..

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
10:30 am

@ARed..I kind of figured that….then I am going to have to say that was his fault. Not all his fault..but I will give it at 70/30..if he was having a rough time and needed some down town with you then he should say so. Sorry but this is a pet peeve of mind because while your situation happen between two 20 year olds..I still deal with this with a 40 year old men. Rather sit and sulk than say he is having a moment and needs to be alone. Hey dudes we are not mind readers either. If you want someone to coddle you..then say so.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:31 am

what we do the overall love is there for our work however we have to put the work in

puttin in the work, and making it work are NOT one in the same.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
10:31 am

If the same issues and behaviors keep occuring, then maybe it is time to end things but also sometimes it may just be a wave.

Totally understand and agree with you M…and I think in a situation like that you have do make your own judgment call. Is it time to leave?…are the recurring issues “dealbreakers” and your ready to break or are you just in a trough for the moment…good point M.

SlimOne..I got nothin'

June 29th, 2010
10:32 am

Enter your comments here

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:32 am

GHANA~ y’all are not ready.

SlimOne..I got nothin'

June 29th, 2010
10:33 am

Dreams – there’s nothing wrong with being a Lefty…something about it seems a bit sexy. (my pops is a lefty too)

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:33 am

Kym – Very good point.

My bad is that I never asked him what was wrong. Maybe he was waiting for me to show some concern. I was too caught up in me not getting the weekend I wanted to even ask what the deal was.

Young and dumb indeed.

It's me....lurker

June 29th, 2010
10:34 am

Some people have a roller coaster love, some have a smooth sailing love, some have different seasons of love.

There aren’t variations of love or degrees of love. Either you do or you don’t. If you’re do you’re willing. If you don’t then typically you won’t endure. Chemistry preceeds love and the opening to have love. Chemistry is that thing that brings to people together but chemistry is not binding. Only love is binding. As it’s been said before, you can love your SO but you have to like them to endure. I would equate chemistry to “liking” your partner but love is what keeps and holds you there.

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 29th, 2010
10:34 am

@Sassy

Yup. Those waves have alot to do with life, stress, careers, etc. If you are trying to be supportive and there is still beef, it may be time to bounce!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:35 am

to me putting the work in is making it work for the shared goal not making it work and the other party not sharing the same goal….not being a fool for love or the idea of it pk…..i know what you are saying but putting the woork in for me is making it work for me and my mate…..

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
10:35 am

I think it is just the feeling that now we know each other, we are on that level now, so there is not as much mystery involved now, which may cause the flames to dwindle down to mere sparks

@JtJ!!??

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

good morning!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:38 am

professor yes we are that is what I was refering too with want melo requested honey! bring it! lol

It's me....lurker

June 29th, 2010
10:38 am

As it’s been said before, you can love your SO but you have to like them to endure. I would equate chemistry to “liking” your partner but love is what keeps and holds you there.

Meaning, sometimes when you want to walk love makes you reconsider but those times when it’s just “good quality time” or whatever you’re needing or do with one another….in the physical sense, it’s the chemistry that does that…keeping things nice and spicy.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
10:39 am

but i Swear my grandfather did a 180 from the personality I had always known it was almost like “i’m free”

Woooow…

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:39 am

Lady J,

I just don’t agree boo!

So I will leave it alone cause i hate beating a dead horse

Dislaimer: Not Carlito’s horse

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:40 am

Sassy, yes I won’t really get into details but apparently a whoooooole lot had transpired over those 40+ years had me and my sister like dubbya tee eff, was nobody going to tell us?!?!?

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:40 am

AmazonRed, I mean a chore to the point where say “you have to go to work to pay your bills” I don’t think anyone should feel like they “have ” to love another person.

It’s me, i was referring that some have volatile relationships meaning that they are intense in different ways and others are just easy going. Yet both styles love each other just as much.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:40 am

cool

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:41 am

Kym!!!! Did you watch it?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:42 am

carlito that isn’t my point no one has to love anyone just like you don’t have to go to work but it is a driving force to work and love and you just can’t go to work and not produce and you just can’t simply love and not produce the action of making both successful have to occur right???? ok i will shut up bc it is being distored with meaning…

shaun

June 29th, 2010
10:42 am

Thanks for the welcome, I will drop back in soon. I think the main point is, not to sweat the small stuff. To the person who said take it in waves, that is so true. I have been married for 8 yrs now, and I love my wife more now than I did when we got married. A perfect example of how a decision can impact you is, the first night we spent together was MAGIC!!!! I woke up with a smile on my face to her looking at me and saying “you snore,” and she later told me she had thought about ending it right then and there, because she hates snoring. Thank God we talked about it, and it was an easy fix.(no I dont have to wear the gas mask)The moral is, not every flaw or imperfaction is worth losing your potential happiness. Also, it aint gonna be all bliss, you are going to have to go through something to get somewhere.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:45 am

Very nice Shaun! Welcome and please come back! We need more happily married guys on the blog to impart their wisdom.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
10:45 am

You know it was a time period where honor and respect was more prevalent.
Prof I don’t really buy into that. I believe people have a natural tendency to romanticize the past. We always want to remember better, simpler times, but I don’t think it’s realistic. Every generation feels the “younger” generation has lost it’s way. The WWI generation probably thought the WWII generation was a bunch of out-of-control heathens who had no honor and respect. lol

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:45 am

Lady J, some people live to work others work to live. Same with love.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:46 am

got you!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:47 am

Honor and respect, past and present. I think for every bad relationship there is a good one but the bad ones get published more because for some it is better reading.

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
10:48 am

@Proff??

Lady J is ready…I am ready??

Bring it!

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
10:48 am

@Purple Rain..NOOOO!!!! I was so out done by work and my ipod was missing I went home..made dinner and crashed with a book..im sorry. Its on the DVR–along with Burn Notice, Saving Grace, Leverage, and Doctor Who..all waiting to be watched….Heyyyy does anyone know where I can buy another DirectTV reciever?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:48 am

working to love isn’t my point…………that is insane…..that should be natural at best but more comes with loving and being love is my point….

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:48 am

Lady J,

It sounds like you are saying love is like anything else you can’t get something for nothing. Am I right?

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:49 am

stepping out.

Ghana and Lady give me 30-45 minutes and I will bring it.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:49 am

stepping out.

Ghana and Lady give me 30-45 minutes and I will bring it.

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
10:49 am

Morning gang!

I had to leave early yesterday, but I would like to begin by thanking Dreams & Dan for their lovely compliments yesterday. I appreciated that!

On topic – While you may not have that early rush of “new love” after awhile with someone, if the chemistry was indeed real, the feeling should still be there, just “tamed” a little. Like M dot said, those feelings come in waves, but the “foundation” should remain intact. If the foundation is shaky, guess what?

You take a chance with anything in life, and love is no exception. Folks may give a “non-reason” as to why they broke up with someone, such as the handwriting thing, but we all know that was not really the reason! There is always some deeper, underlying issue. They just might not choose to share it with everyone. Sometimes, you’re just not feeling a person. Whatever the reason, I firmly believe if it is meant to be, going to be, it will. Period. And I don’t want to be with anyone who decides they don’t want to be with me, whatever the reason, period. If you break it off with someone, you do it with the full knowledge that you could be letting a good thing go. If you feel strongly enough to take that chance, it’s a chance you take.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:50 am

Some individuals love themselves so much that they never want to experience love and chemistry with anyone else. Some couples love each other so much that they do not want to bring kids into their love and others can’t wait to have kids. I think the problem is that we are actually trying to define Love and chemistry when in fact it is impossible to do.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:50 am

Also, it aint gonna be all bliss, you are going to have to go through something to get somewhere.

By the way, Shaun, I totallly stole this one.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:50 am

pretty much! call me what you want some type of investment has to be made somewhere

Elijah ( Today is a good day!)

June 29th, 2010
10:51 am

Good Morning beautiful ladies of the MIA blog!

Chemistry is that emotion and excitement that give you those early euphoric feelings in the beginning of the relationship. Once the relationship goes to another level now you are now considering future consequences with this person.

AmazonRed you are one bad lady. Love em and leave em is now you M.O.

Special shout to Lady-J your positive attitude towards life is so good to read.

A special hello to a lady name Kimmie. This is one beautiful lady!

Mike P

June 29th, 2010
10:51 am

If the chemistry goes early in the dating process, then I’m out!!! Because one or two things are occurring:
1. she’s interested in someone else or dividing her focus away from me (dating others while dating me). I firmly believe that women should only date one man at a time. If she is dating others while dating me, then I’m out, cuz hommie don’t play that LoL!!!
2. I’m learning about her and she’s got things going on that I don’t want to put up with.
She has heavy baggage because she kept dating the players and got played. She smokes cigarettes, a major deal breaker for me. She has kids or has been passed all around town.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:51 am

Kym, watch it tonight so that I can make jokes about it. If you can find a RadioShack they have DirectTv receivers.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:52 am

not defining love or chemistry i just feel chemistry will fade and subsatce (love being a part) carries you on period….

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
10:52 am

@ Melo— SO we are >here< on something…LOL.

@ Sassy…I agree with your 10:18, it definitely applies to men as well.

@ Professor…relationships would be a helluva lot easier if we stop looking at what works for others and find out what works for you and yours! The fantasies are just that, a fantasy!

@ PK…I get what Lady J is saying…not that you have to “make it” work when it clearly is not working..like one person is not doing enough in the relationship..but like, when there are oppositions in your way that prevent you from having quality time for each other and building your relationship stronger. Personal issue- When JT and I started dating, we lived 45 min away from each other, plus we had kids, we both worked 2 jobs- full & part-time, we could have easily said to each other, no, this isn’t going to work, because we literally had no time for each other. But, because we wanted it to work, we found a way to see each other and spend as much time together as possible. Even things got strained a bit and we didn’t see each other for about a month because of our crazy schedules, we still hung in there, because we both knew it was worth it.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:53 am

Thanks Elijah!!!! Have a great day!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:53 am

Lady J, being a part or being apart?

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
10:53 am

Elijah – Thank you, you are a sweetheart!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:55 am

That is my point JTJ what is your driving force to keep it going beyond chemistry???!!!!!??? Thanks! and LOVE is a foundation trust but it is more that keeps it going and that is working together for the same shared goal!

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
10:55 am

@Purple Rain..You got it..Pause..Thanks for the info..I will call around.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:56 am

PR love is the foundation

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:57 am

call me what you want some type of investment has to be made somewhere

I agree see my post about doing more and being more

@ JtJ, I was simply trying to get Lady J to see the difference between the semantics of making it work and doing the work/puttin in work.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:58 am

AmazonRed you are one bad lady. Love em and leave em is now you M.O.

Elijah – That was the old me! I’ve learned a lot since then!

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
10:58 am

@ Slim…yeah..there is something about them Lefty’s…lol….it is rough trying to sit next to them at dinner though…I have had plenty of elbows from my Lefty . They are indeed special, though.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:59 am

You have to honor and protect your love, as in do your best to keep bad things out of it. Case in point, Julia told me she has a new friend, well we invited her over for dinner last night and the woman started talking about relationships. This woman’s ideals just did not sit right with me. I stopped being cordial and was confronting her about the crap she was spewing. Once she was gone and we were doing dishes I was wondering how to approach the subject that I DID NOT want my wife being around this woman at all because I didn’t want her ideals to infiltrate my wife’s mind and cause a discord somewhere down the path. As soon as I brought it up, she interrupted me and told me she felt the same way about her new ex-friend. I was happy that we both had the same mindset and it makes me feel even more secure that my wife saw it early on like I did and choose not to even entertain it.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
10:59 am

Dreams – there’s nothing wrong with being a Lefty…something about it seems a bit sexy.
Slim That’s what I’m talkin about. We can’t write worth a damm, but we’re good at lots of other things.

Princess The truth is there are some things that only the two people in the relationship will EVER know. Your grandmother and grandfather will take some of their ish to the grave, and you and your husband probably will too. I think this is true of any couple that’s been together for 20/30/40/50 years. You just can’t be together that long without going through some serious shyte, shyte that tests your morals, your character, your ethics, your faith, your relationship. Sometimes it’s good for us not to know those things because.

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
11:01 am

@ PK & Lady J..I gotcha both. PK was like…unh-uh…”making it work” seems like forcing something to be that ain’t there…but Lady J was saying that if it worthwhile, go that extra step to make it work for the both of you…we got this ladies

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
11:02 am

I thought *cz brat* was here….hey lady!!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
11:03 am

@ Dreams, I agree with you, however the thing that had us all WTF affected us, and in my honest opinion led my uncle to an early death because he couldn’t get over the heart ache of something my grandmother “took to her grave” (but my grandfather chose not to after her death)

so I guess you are right : Sometimes it’s good for us not to know those things because.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:03 am

dreamsM I agree and I hate that I knew adult ish @ an early age it stole some of my childhood and I refuse to do that to my child…..my grandparents went through real mess and trust it was more than love that kept it together….that was the easy part hell they loved each other early on but over 50 year chile please it was much work invested to that goal to remain married through that mess!

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
11:04 am

Dreams – Seems like all the smart folks are lefty – Prez Obama, Bill Clinton are two famous that come to mind. All the smart folks I know personally, including my SO, are lefty too.

You’re in good company!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:04 am

thanks JTJ you ROCK!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
11:04 am

JtJ, ding ding ding!!!!!!

you got it!

shaun

June 29th, 2010
11:07 am

AmazonRed, you sure know how to make a brotha smile, huh?

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:07 am

I can type with my left hand so I must be sorta smart. LOL

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:08 am

AmazonRed, you sure know how to make a brotha smile, huh?

I’m single, so temporarily at least.

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
11:09 am

Well not that this horse hasn’t already been beaten to death..but when talking about love dying out..look at Al and Tipper. I am sorry but I am not buying the whole sex poodle crap that is floating around..cause if that was the case it would have come out when he got the Nobel Prize…but I digress. I really liked them as a couple..they had a really great “Love Story” 40 plus years of marriage and they call it quits cause well..just cause. It was mutual..and while I don’t get it..I guess something had to have fizzled out.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
11:09 am

apparently a whoooooole lot had transpired over those 40+ years

I bet…some of it would probably have y’all looking like . I’ve noticed that the older generations kept alot from us(younger ones) for the sake of keeping fam together.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:10 am

Shaun, I am AmazonRed’s big brother, she is not able to take company yet. LOL

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:10 am

Does anyone know where Raqi is?

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
11:11 am

@Purple Rain did you just type take company?? I didn’t know they said such thangs up on the farm…LMAO..you might be country if….

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:12 am

with work and love comes time, patience, not being selfish, giving, giving, and giving, taking, taking, taking and so on……..it is much more to the equation to make love successful…..

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
11:12 am

Sassy & Dreams

apparently i missed the “backlash” when granny died cause I was off at college. So some stuff i just found out recently. Now i’m like sssshhhh don’t tell me nothing else

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 29th, 2010
11:13 am

@MikeP

I totally agree with you. I dont think women can mentally handle having 2 guys in their ear at once. To confusing. They may think they can but I dont think they have the capacity. One at a time.

Also I thought the same thing about the girl I am/was talking to. I dont know if somebody else is in the picture. I asked if we were on the same page and she was like we are good. HUH? but youre acting flakey lol.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
11:13 am

Princess, LadyJ There are some things that, after knowing them, produce no upside. Many are actually detrimental. If my grandfather was a crackhead who beat my grandmother, and my grandmother had several affairs because of it, I’d prefer not to know those things. What possible upside would there be to me knowing that?

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:13 am

Shaun is happily married just like you Brother Rain!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:15 am

Kym, when someone goes out on a date whomever they were going with had to come in and meet the family EVERYTIME they picked them up and if we were going to pick up a girl for a date we would have to go sit in their house and talk to the family, before we left.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:15 am

Does anyone know where Raqi is?

Up to her elbows in spackle apparently!

(working on home improvement projects)

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:16 am

i feel you I hate I knew and know what I know….but i digress every relationship has its mess and only the two of them can determine the outcome with what they want from it………..

Elijah ( Today is a good day!)

June 29th, 2010
11:17 am

Ghana (Melo), Did you see how I complimented the blog ladies? You should try it, ladies love compliments.

I think so many people are very caution today in regards to relationships. Probably due to past failures in relationships people have a tendency to carry that emotion pain with them. Many folks have chemistry but tend to sabotage this possible relationship by looking for faults or making faults a big issue.

DreamsMaterialize I just read that article about those students in Chi-Town that is an awesome accomplishment. We now have a model that works, now we need more folks to hop on board with this type of plan so we can save more of our young black gents!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:18 am

Brother Rain, LOL.

Thanks on the Raqi update

shaun

June 29th, 2010
11:18 am

PR, LOL, I won’t stay for long, just gonna grab me a sip of yak, and I am out the doe….

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
11:18 am

kimmie First, you’re welcome for yesterday. Looks like you’re getting compliments from the whole blog. I see you know about those lefties too.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
11:19 am

every relationship has its mess and only the two of them can determine the outcome with what they want from it

now that i agree with

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:20 am

Shaun, I said the same thing and now I am here about 3 days a week. LOL

Lucinda

June 29th, 2010
11:21 am

Just jumping in, haven’t read the posts, but want to say something.

A relationship requires similar ideals for the foundation to be strong. The two need not view the world exactly the same, nor agree on everything, but the closer the basic perspective is, the stronger the foundation. It’s the character of a person that matters: what they do if nobody would ever find out. That defines a person’s character.

As to chemistry, it also is important, but it’s like icing on the cake. Without it, the cake is incomplete, but if there is only chemistry, the cake is just a mound of sugar waiting to collapse.

As to working at a relationship, that is necessary, but it does not mean trying to fit two people together who don’t share similar ideals in the first place. Working at the relationship means having an understanding that love is a verb. Love requires action to give it meaning. When you do those little thoughtful things for somebody, you are showing you love them. It might be sweeping the floor, cooking a meal, rubbing their neck, or watching the movie they prefer. The little actions feed love, and thus love grows. Once you understand this, you are on the way to something long lasting and strong and beautiful.

I say all this because I know I am older than many of you, and I have learned certain things. Take your time, enjoy the process of getting to know somebody. If you hurry it, you will miss things that you would otherwise understand.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:21 am

Elijah that passive hurt is killing us….not many are letting the guards down and just loving for the moment……putting time in requires doing more and learning more and all one can remember is when I did this before I was hurt and I won’t allow it again………this is for some not all but we have to love again and want more than what is being offered…..that surface bs for the sec then it is on to the next one bc of any little thing……..geesh…..

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
11:21 am

Good morning, everyone!

@Shaun ~ nice posts and hope you stay in our community! CATCH HERE’S YOUR BLOG VEST!

Yep Amazon. My girlfriend’s sister once broke up with a guy because she did not like his handwriting. This tops anything superficial I have ever heard. Couldn’t do anything but laugh at this silliness. Wasn’t silly to her, I’m sure, but WOW!

Chemistry should grow as time goes by, but when problems start to occur, chemistry seems to fizzle.

Mike P

June 29th, 2010
11:22 am

side comment, question actually.

this is for the women out here:

Would you rather have someone “invest” in you before you became a “finished” person or would you only allow investors in after you’re in your completed, mature stage?

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:23 am

Shaun, I said the same thing and now I am here about 3 days a week. LOL

Yes Shaun…come drink this Kool-Aid…don’t mind the smoke coming off it, it’s still the “red” flavor.

blue

June 29th, 2010
11:23 am

First time posting on here, been reading for a while and you guys are a funny bunch, lol.
“Love is not a chore, nor should it ever feel like one.” I totally agree with this statement, a relationship, dating or married takes work yes, but should not feel as if its labor. And work is needed from both sides, if only one is working, or laboring to salvage, and the other is simply enjoying the attention with their feet up, resentment and contempt breed.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
11:26 am

Mike P

my dad used to always say, get married either when both of ya’ll have nothing and build it together, or after you’ve both got your ish together and are able to blend it, but not in between.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:27 am

Mike P growth is ongoing it is a person out there for me that will take and love me for me my flaws, growth, and my past………..no one is perfect not even you and an investment is a risk and we all take risks when we invest in people if the person isn’t your cup of tes keep it moving with a smile and don’t throw tomatoes…….

Lucinda

June 29th, 2010
11:27 am

PincessNik you dad is wise

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:27 am

meant cup of tea

Lucinda

June 29th, 2010
11:28 am

*your*

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:28 am

Take your time, enjoy the process of getting to know somebody. If you hurry it, you will miss things that you would otherwise understand.

Lucinda – Great point. I’m REALLY working hard on this right now. I definitely move faster than my significant other.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:29 am

hmmmmm lol we all have to get our ish together we all are lacking something stabilty is important and at some point we have to jump back out there and love again with the growth that has been made……folks are funny but some have arrived……lol

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
11:30 am

@Mike P..what exactly is a “finished person”? I am 38 and I know I am not “finished” yet with my life’s journey..so could you clarify this?

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
11:30 am

Lady J

In ref to your 11:27, I agree that growth is ongoing, so would you say you and your ex outgrew each other then?

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:31 am

Welcome blue!

SlimOne..I got nothin'

June 29th, 2010
11:31 am

‘it is rough trying to sit next to them at dinner though’

JtJ – My ex was lefty so whenever we went out to dinner, we’d just sit on the same side of the booth, him on my left side of course. Some folks find this a bit much, but I actually like sitting on the same side. Makes it easier to taste the food of his plate when it’s right next to me, as opposed to sneaking it from across the table. LOL!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
11:31 am

i’m baaaaack (for a sec)

Hola Profesora, Leggs, Sassy & JtJ!!

no time to catch up, so i’ll just hit that last post from mike p coz it’s a good one. i don’t see myself ever being ‘complete’ (as in done growing/maturing), so i’d have to say that my s/o has to be willing to continuously invest, re-invest and draw on the dividends as we go.

brb

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

June 29th, 2010
11:32 am

Ummm excuse me there is only one Infamous…

Now on topic. Yes its happened before.

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
11:33 am

@Mike P ~ in my 20’s, early 30’s I would have liked someone to invest in me, but in my early 50’s I want one already matured and vested in life!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
11:34 am

Slim & JtJ

on the lefties, I know ya’ll are talking about s/o but it just reminded me of my roomate from college who was a lefty and how when we were in classes together she would sit to my left during tests, so we could peek over at each others paper

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:34 am

yes ma’am and to add we weren’t compatiable at all……all we stood on was have good times when it came to conflict we sinked…..period……we ignored those red flags and continue on the good times but good times will never carry you any where but to divorce court………been there done that I am looking for substance the staying power when the rain pours you can’t jump ship period…….every day isn’t sunny!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:34 am

Mike P, and M. Dot, if you don’t want other men in the picture, I hope the offer of commitment is on the table.

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
11:35 am

@Kimmie

You’re welcome, and apparently worth it.

Glad I got on the bandwagon early.

Although it’s been awhile, I think next/this time, I’ll try to remember to learn something new about her everyday. Not all at once, just a new fact about who she is [becoming].

Yeah, that should do it.

shaun

June 29th, 2010
11:35 am

I love good food, good people and good conversation, and it appears the latter 2 are here, so I will stick around.

Mike P

June 29th, 2010
11:37 am

thx princessNik ur dad is wise.

thx lady for your input.

@kym what I mean is what you all on this blog keep referring as Men getting or having the ish together whatever that may be and likewise for the females.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
11:40 am

Slim, s/o and i always sit side-by-side. even if we have to move a chair. i like draping my leg over his and leaning into him when we talk. he likes caressing my thigh under the table. and it’s just plain nice when you don’t have a piece of furniture between you.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:43 am

CanalZone, Hello

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
11:43 am

So some stuff i just found out recently. Now i’m like sssshhhh don’t tell me nothing else

Doesn’t that slay you Princess? It’s like aaaall this time there were some family members that knew things and NEVER told ’til someone passes on.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
11:43 am

I love good food, good people and good conversation, and it appears the latter 2 are here, so I will stick around.
Shaun There are a few good cooks on the blog, and recipes are sometimes shared. So, you may get all 3 on here.

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
11:44 am

@ Mike P..can’t really say one will ever be a “finished person”, people change as their lives dictate those changes. Yes, I would love to have had my education completed and nice sized savings account before I found love again, but things don’t always go in that order. Someone choosing to wait until they are at “that place” in their life to allow love to find them, could very well have missed many opportunities for love. If you are noticeably not this “finished person” yet and someone still chooses to “invest” in you, then they must believe in you and see that it is worthwhile for them to invest prematurely.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:46 am

If my grandfather was a crackhead who beat my grandmother, and my grandmother had several affairs because of it, I’d prefer not to know those things. What possible upside would there be to me knowing that?

The upside for me is knowing that not every long term marriage deals with surface problems. Folks today think it’s cool to divorce for petty reasons. If you wanna get to 60 years, you might have to go through some REAL SHYT.

I found out somethings about my grandparents marriage that have me like but now that i’ve had time to process, I’m glad I know what the depth of true love looks like.

LURKS

June 29th, 2010
11:46 am

AmazonRed, you sure know how to make a brotha smile, huh? HOES ARE GOOD AT THAT

shaun

June 29th, 2010
11:46 am

Dreams, That’s what’s up!!! Can someone show me to my room? I am home….. LOL

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
11:47 am

@ Slim..that’s my dilemma…he hates sitting on the inside of the booth and it depends on whether there is a game or something on and he is trying to face the TV…LOL!

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
11:47 am

‘it is rough trying to sit next to them at dinner though’

Leave us lefties alone!!…we’re different,complex people. Yeah it looks funny to see us write and as far as the dinner table goes…I sit on the end or next to another leftie…lol.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
11:47 am

jtj great post 11:44!

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
11:49 am

Princess/Sassy – Sometimes they don’t wait till the person passes. Sometimes that “take to the grave” stuff spills out when somebody gets drunk! I’m dealing with some of that now, but I refuse to entertain the mess some folks want to start.

Family!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:49 am

Umbrella’s everyone, someone is trying to piss on the good mood today. LOL

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
11:50 am

your royal highness, ciao mio buon amico!

and just eeeeewwwwww at that 11:49.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:51 am

Shaun, good convo so far, as everyone has seemed to take their happy pill this morning.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
11:51 am

LOL @ Purple Rain. Keep the party going. I may be a lot of things…but that’s never been one.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:52 am

CZ, I read “highness” and thought. I don’t get high anymore. First I was like then I thought about it and was like Highness as in royalty not the other. I’ve a long way to go obviously. LOL

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
11:53 am

I heart the blog fam today!

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
11:54 am

I won’t seriously invite a women into my life while I’m going through turbulent times. I just don’t feel right doing it. I need to feel at my best when inviting a quality woman into my life. I’m not saying that I’m ever truly “complete”, but there are things that I need to be in place for me to seriously be on the dating scene.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:54 am

kimmie, I heart you to

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
11:54 am

those were my thoughts exactly as i typed it

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
11:54 am

I’ve heard bad news about family members after they’ve passed, never tainted my opinion of them.

You shouldn’t know everything about your elders. Learn ‘em as a child and add the context later, as an adult, and by then your experiences would likely help to understand a little better.

blue

June 29th, 2010
11:55 am

thanx AmazonRed. you all make some interesting points. I think chemistry partly just is, no controlling or changing, and partly is what you make it. been together a month, a year or 10 (going on 11 in sept) there is a need to contantly show your SO what they mean to you, and what your are willing to give of yourself for them, not necessarily change, but what portion of you are you bringing to and putting on the table. chemistry is always a work in progress

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:55 am

Dreams, I used to want to make women pay for the hurt I felt.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
11:56 am

good morning all!:) i really can say good afternoon…lol.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:57 am

blue, I am the smartest blogger on here just follow me and everything will be fine. First you need to get a horse. LOL

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:58 am

free2be, Hey

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
11:59 am

Shaun, you need a horse also.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:00 pm

and the beat goes on….on and on and on………everlasting……..

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:01 pm

Lady J, are you well? Can we cheer you up they way you cheer us up daily?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:01 pm

hey free2be! good to read ya sis!

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
12:01 pm

Sometimes that “take to the grave” stuff spills out when somebody gets drunk!

CHILE!!!! And when that happens ERRBODY looking like Sometimes it’s pure comedy and othertimes the law might get called…

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
12:01 pm

@ CZbrat….I see you are a touchy-feely type…go ‘head on girl!! I peeped your FB page, you have a beautiful family and that SO…very nice!!

@ PK…you was a lefty-thefty cheater!!!LOl j/k

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:02 pm

i am fine carlito thanks…… every day isn’t happy go lucky but I am okay just in a zone of thinking today…..

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
12:03 pm

Dan – 11:54 – I agree. And as I have gotten older and dealt with some family tragedies, I have a greater understanding of things. A lot of times, these people did the best they could with what they had. I don’t know all they had to deal with, so who am I to judge?

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
12:05 pm

Purple –

DMSR

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:06 pm

What are skinny jeans? Are they jeans that fit like they are supposed to and not baggy or are they those skin tight jeans that look like they can not be buckled up?

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
12:06 pm

The upside for me is knowing that not every long term marriage deals with surface problems. Folks today think it’s cool to divorce for petty reasons. If you wanna get to 60 years, you might have to go through some REAL SHYT.
I agree. I think real shyt is probably a given at some point during a 60 year marriage.

I sit on the end or next to another leftie…lol.
Next to me preferably.

shaun

June 29th, 2010
12:06 pm

PR, Is that for a quick escape, or just to ride around the ponderosa???

blue

June 29th, 2010
12:07 pm

do pygmy ponies count? love those things….

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:09 pm

kimmie, you just made me burst out laughing. DMSR, I started bobbing my head and looking for it on my playlist.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:11 pm

ared great point the petty things are a mess we are a selfish society it is all about us not we or forever

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
12:11 pm

I won’t seriously invite a women into my life while I’m going through turbulent times.

Dreams – I wish more would think this way. Sometimes you just have too much going on to start a new relationship. If more would just step back & chill awhile and work thru their current issues before involving someone new into the mix, further complicating things.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:11 pm

Shaun, just to ride around the ponderosa. Say something deep or profound (even if it is only deep or profound to you) and ride off on your horse. LOL

blue, are you male or female? Pygmy Pony? LOL

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
12:12 pm

Purple – That’s one of my Prince favorites!LOL!!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:13 pm

dreamsM it is called at a stable point stabilty is key…..we all go through and survive it the key is awareness of self……and being true about your reality….you are not fooling anyone but you with faking your stability of emotions…..

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
12:13 pm

I peeped your FB page, you have a beautiful family and that SO…very nice!!
awwwwww. aren’t you just the sweetness! thank you. my fam means the world do me. i’ve enjoyed your posts and pics as well. you guys really enjoy each other, and it shows.

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
12:15 pm

I’ve said it before (and the closer I get to marriage the more my beliefs are affirmed): mine’s gonna be “’til DEATH parts us” and as long as we’re clear about that going in, it’s all good.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:17 pm

ooh (ooh), alright (alright),Dance Music Sex Romance

blue

June 29th, 2010
12:17 pm

Female I am, altho most of my friends (males themselves) tend to treat me as one of the guys. not too bad most of the time, lol.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:19 pm

it is many divorced people that truly wanted that vow to sustain to death do us part but again i digress…..reality is what it is with what the two people want as the evolve…….

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:20 pm

blue, okay I’m a homophobe and I thought you were a guy who wanted to rude a pygmy pony. LOL Do they tend to treat you like one of the guys because you can dunk a basketball and a good 3 on 3 bball partner or are you just cool to hang with?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:20 pm

meant they not the

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:20 pm

rude means ride

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:21 pm

but i wish you and yours the best Dan with death to yall part! congrats!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:21 pm

Lady J, turn that frown upside down. Arturo is coming down for the 4th want to hang with him? That is kinda like signing a deal with Diddy, you know what you are going to get.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
12:24 pm

Dan, here’s hoping i never see you (or mrs. dan) profiled on snapped.

my stance on marriage is … the door will always be open. i’d much rather you walk than lie, cheat, or abuse me. (and vice versa)

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
12:24 pm

@ Lady J–”til death us do part”…yeah, I so wanted that,too. But, when the other wants to stray, the cat is not obligated to stay!!!!

@czbrat…we are a unique bunch, we always have a blast wherever we go…our kids are quite the characters.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:25 pm

PR I will email you a SMILE I am good bruh seriously can we be serious for a day I am fine finishing up my last class getting ready for NOLA and blogging with my crew with a good topic today……..hmmmmm not sure what you are feeling through the screen but i am ok……trust

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
12:27 pm

Hey Lady J! did yous do the aquarium last week?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:27 pm

czbrat preach i REFUSE to live a lie or turn my head to live a life with all the materilistic stuff with the outside looking great and wanting to kill a mofo behind close doors! thank God he blessed me with Kadie and we bounced period! it takes two!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
12:28 pm

Lady J, as long as you are well.

blue

June 29th, 2010
12:30 pm

lol, cant get that out of my head now…ewww…anyway…only good at bball at dave and busters, but cool to hangout with mostly, think its my twisted sense of humor and can kill my own bugs if need be, sometimes anyway, lol

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:31 pm

no ma’am i am glad you are feeling better and with time send an evite and we will go from there czbrat good post too chica!

we are surviors and it is ok that death or murder wasn’t our part lol

blue

June 29th, 2010
12:33 pm

i think a big part of chemistry or relationship period is not struggling to make it thru cause of appearances – Lady – “i REFUSE to live a lie or turn my head to live a life with all the materilistic stuff with the outside looking great and wanting to kill a mofo behind close doors”, some folks get too tangled up in what friends and fam will think if you admit that this just aint working out

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:34 pm

blue I agree!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:38 pm

blue I could have had it all on the material side and money side if I was passive and took was was dished….hell to da naw kiss my blank money doesn’t make me what do you have to sustain besides money…..i didn’t come to atlanta to be a star from the country i know where i came from and know where i am going value and worth and being true is the best policy

free2be

June 29th, 2010
12:39 pm

@JtJ…congrats on your upcoming wedding.:) i know that must be exciting!

@blue…i agree, you gotta know when to say when. who cares about what ppl think? they will always have something to say anyway…whether you stay or go.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
12:39 pm

i see leggs got the message to you about my unfortunate ocular condition. i’m in week 2 of the drops & eye patch with little improvement. hopefully, i’ll be good as new in another week or so.

btw … when i began praying for his untimely, violent death (you know, so as to be true to my vows), that’s when i knew it was time to change the locks.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
12:40 pm

when i began praying for his untimely, violent death (you know, so as to be true to my vows), that’s when i knew it was time to change the locks.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:41 pm

yes ma’am we are >>>>>>>>>>>>>HERE<<<<<<<<<<<<<< got to know when to leave! I am not advocating divorce but only you know your reality of your marriage period! I leave the judging to the skeptics…..lol

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
12:43 pm

Sorry to hear/read about your ocular issuses cz, hope it gets better soon.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
12:43 pm

some folks get too tangled up in what friends and fam will think if you admit that this just aint working out

amen!

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
12:44 pm

when i began praying for his untimely, violent death (you know, so as to be true to my vows),

Czbrat??

Was he abusing you any way??

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
12:45 pm

Whoa!!!! @ czbrat…I can totally relate!!!I am sure that was a scary time!!

@F2B…Thanks lady! Yes, it is. I just recently got the bridesmaid dresses back and they look good. The FSU colors are coming together nicely!! I am really ready for it to get here and be over with!!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
12:46 pm

mine’s gonna be “’til DEATH parts us” and as long as we’re clear about that going in, it’s all good.

for some reason that came across kinda …. ummm nevermind

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:47 pm

get well czbrat!

blue

June 29th, 2010
12:49 pm

cz – wow, but oh so true. gotta be able to tell when its a constant thing tho or just a moment of “i dont like your face today”. was mentioned earlier that there will be days you and your SO just rnt feeling each other, but then there are days where you know you dont wanna go to jail and you may do something any minute to make him push the 9 and the 1, and then its time to go.

lady – words to live by, staying true most seriously. so many people stay for what it appears and what folks tell them they should be happy with. but if being with that person turns you into something your dont wanna be. time to reevaluate, tell all the looky loos they can come take your place

free2be

June 29th, 2010
12:51 pm

@czbrat…hey there! hope you are feeling better soon.:)

@JtJ…glad to hear that planning is moving along.:) i know that it’s a lot of work! you will be glad to enjoy all of your hard work and planning when the big day arrives. i think i would feel similarly about wanting the event to get here already! LOL are you marrying here in atlanta?

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
12:56 pm

@Brat

It’ll never happen (snapped)

I get that folks have tried and failed, and believe me I realize that I’m not above failure; but, short of m/s I put that ring on her finger with a promise to make it work.

And yes; “promises are made and broken everyday”, but Dan don’t play that isht

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
12:57 pm

blue you know I did ask the chic off panola rd lmbao and to this day they are NOT together women looking in think they can do it better when that husband seeks that emotional affair…..you can have it boo….you just looking @ one side of it and thats the entertainment and everybody loves a good entertainer ha! lmbao!

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
1:01 pm

@ Lady J–You crazy!! A good entertainer!!! I should have told my ex’s mistress that, too. She thought she sho’nuff had her a prize!!

@ F2B…In Roswell. I just hope 6′2 sister can fit her dress!!Lol.

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
1:03 pm

Don’t ever say “never” Dan! You can have all the right intentions, actions, and the best plan, but if she don’t want it any more, t’aint much you can do about it…just sayin’.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:04 pm

Dan, I applaud your mindset, if you go in thinking failure and not success it is more apt to fail

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

June 29th, 2010
1:05 pm

It does not surprise me at all that 50% of all first marriages and 65% of subsequent marriages fail, what surprises me is that any succeed. It takes hard work by both, unbelievable patience by both, total commitment and mutual respect as well as love BY BOTH. Sadly most of us are not up to that criteria.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:05 pm

ummmmm PR ok……..lol

blue

June 29th, 2010
1:06 pm

too funny, there have been times where ive wanted to make that statement and just figured no need, she’ll find out for herself soon enuf!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:06 pm

randy good post!

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
1:07 pm

Ok, what’s the topic now???

blue

June 29th, 2010
1:07 pm

alrightee, had enuf spreadsheets, time for lunch, be back later since y’all are keeping my day from creeping so slowly!

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
1:07 pm

Okay I had to break way..what did I miss?

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
1:08 pm

abuse? yes, Melo. physical, mental, emotional and financial. the physical was the last straw.

blue, we were together almost 20 years. unfortunately, the more i put up with the more he dished, so things went well beyond just a passing annoyance. i’ve never been quite THAT superficial

Dan, you know i’m teasing. i have the utmost faith in you!

thanx to all for the get well wishes. HiYa F2B!! been missin ya girlie

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:10 pm

So what happens when that ex that you have condemned goes off and makes an outstanding mate with the next person. People live and they learn. And the same energy that is put into what may happen wrong can also be put into what could happen great.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:13 pm

PR I commendedhis growth and founded the right one for him I am no hater and admitted we were not right for each other but it doesn’t excuse the bs that was put out sorry…..i am being true we both apologized for our transgressions and moved on period….i hate passive people or maybe dislike but i digress

blue

June 29th, 2010
1:15 pm

not to mean it that shallow, but sometimes just have a day where you too arent vibing and cant figure out y, no one thing in particular, just for some reason that day they irk you and you need a little space, but not permanent space. my mom used to call those “i dont like your face days”….i need ketchup…..

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:16 pm

it is more women than men too trust not making excuse he is a good guy and plenty were awaiting @ his job for their turn and he picked go figure! i stated before we stood on good times and were young and ignored it period…….i am glad he is not the same person but some traits are still there bc i still see right through him but it is on his mate to determine her happiness with him

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
1:17 pm

lady is your ex engaged?

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
1:18 pm

@blue

mayne, yeap.

The signal is walking into the crib with Monica’s “just one of those days” playing (and on repeat).

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
1:18 pm

we both apologized for our transgressions and moved on period

@Lady J??

u cheated too??

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:18 pm

What I am saying and this was not directed towards you is that once it’s over it’s over. No need to revisit the what if’s. Just do not make the same moves in the next relationship, the new person you encounter can and hopefully be totally different than the first experience but do not automatically condemn them if something seems familiar.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:20 pm

Lady J, how much interaction are you having to see the same traits or why are you in a position to observe those traits?

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
1:20 pm

@PR ~ all that means is you two weren’t right for each other!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:21 pm

PK no ma’am

melo no my transgression was going off on him when i founded out he was I was outside of character and caused a living hell in our home I have faults too and never try to come off as perfect……melo we shacked from the start and much unresolved mess carried over……that is why i never have to shack again never

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:23 pm

Leggs, I agree, Count your losses, hurt, pickup, move on and don’t look back.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:23 pm

we have a child together and he wwanted to involve our child in their lives where i saw fit not too if he was married to her then i could agree more to certain things involving kadie but a girlfriend naw she is cool we met but playing house with my child is a no no i see no point in that……..have your relationship but i respect kaide being sheltered in a co parenting set up……

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
1:25 pm

melo we shacked from the start and much unresolved mess carried over……

@LadyJ??

I thohgt u was married unless u talking bout chapter II,after the divorce??

u shacked then got married??

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
1:25 pm

So what happens when that ex that you have condemned goes off and makes an outstanding mate with the next person.

PR, i pat myself on the back for that. i’m proud to have stood and taken the hits that helped him become a better man. a man that knows the value of work and knows how to appreciate and respect a woman if he wants to know a woman’s love. i’m also grateful for the amazing woman he forced me to find within myself, because a wonderful man now reaps the rewards from his shenanigans.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:26 pm

and I don’t dictate his home however kadie is 4 and I am apart of her well being i am her mother period not wife not girlfriend i will protect my child and I see his growth bc he respected my wishes with my stance through good communication we will be respected period….

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:28 pm

CzBrat,

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:28 pm

yes we shacked then got married no pst mess with us at all honey when he left i told him he would never come back this way!

shacked 4 yrs

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
1:29 pm

Lawd it is going down up in here. Way to much to catch up on except that Lady J left me and won’t let me see our kid cause of my new booty, she trippin

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
1:30 pm

LMAO @ Dig!!!

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
1:31 pm

@ Purple…I wish well for my ex, I am sure he will find someone and be able to be a good mate to them. We both learned alot and hopefully the 2nd time for both of us will be better because of it.

I realized my faults in the failure of our marriage,too and I have addressed them. I was not perfect by far, but I never violated our marriage by going outside of it.

@ Dan…that maybe her favorite song..lol.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:31 pm

dig that never I support co parenting and new marriages and step moms howver i won’t play house with my child sue me i don’t care she is mine and I will be fair and balanced with my assessments

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:32 pm

meant ours and i will respect him too i don’t play with kadie and my dealings

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:33 pm

Lady, not trying to start anything but he is her child also not just yours, if he has visitation, and is not doing anything illegal, isn’t trusting his decisions when he has the the both of you alls child with him a risk you have to take?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:34 pm

and i said this before I am with with his girlfriend we have good convo’s but just bc we are cool don’t make all my decisions about my child a yeah and when i disgree don’t make me a angry divorced woman being spiteful i don’t want him i have a child to raise we didn’t work period….

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:34 pm

JtJ,

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
1:35 pm

@LadyJ- I love you chica, however that is really not fair. If he is not beating kadie or mistreating her then he should be able to hang with his baby. Are you saying he can’t see the kid unless he marries “whats her face”?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:36 pm

PR I said OURS my bad with mine and the three adults in this are fine trust but doing or living a certain way with a child i have the right to say my peace he didn’t have to agree with me but he did and she did as well so if they would not have what could I have done nothing but i had logic behind my reasons not emotions….we a re cool and kadie is fine

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
1:36 pm

Here my never married behind goes again…but so he cheated… okay. Why does one think a marriage can’t rebound from that?

I’m not saying that anyone on here was wrong to get divorced, but how many folks just made cheating an automatic out?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:37 pm

no that is not what i am saying yall are not hearing me

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:38 pm

Ared that wasn’t our downfall that was the act from not dealing with the issues….cheating is a reaction we failed at our own problems

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:38 pm

Lady J, it’s your business I am just commenting with my thoughts because you posted them. Are things fine because they are going the way you want them to? What happens when you all disagree are you going to keep him from seeing Kadie?

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
1:39 pm

@LadyJ??

now, 2 thangs..aint nothing wrong with shacking! I bet u goping to shack again in future since u grown. I dont see u seeing a good man and giving up on him all coz he wants to shack and u dont..so brace urself..its proly gon happen again.

Now,are u sure u aint punishing ex coz he has new new bootey and u jealous coz u dry? What if his new girl is a serious girl to him and he wants to introduce ur lil one to her new stepmom..whatchu gon do about it coz that wld be her(ur lil girl) new additional fam member..right?

This is where things get complicated!

I bet LadyJ, if u get a man to clean ur cobs real good, u wont worry bout who ur man is climbing!

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
1:40 pm

Dig That, i see u on it..1.35!

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
1:41 pm

@Lady J..speaking as a single mama..I have to agree with Dig That. You are divorced from your ex…you can not dictate who he sees or when he sees them. Nor is it fair to your child to keep her away from her father because you don’t want him to have a girlfriend. If anything if he is considering marrying this woman you want her to have a good relationship with your child.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
1:41 pm

@JtJ…cool that it’s local.:) wow, you’re sister is really tall. i’m sure she’ll fit into her dress.

@czBrat…hey there! i missed reading you too.:) “abuse? yes,….physical, mental, emotional and financial. the physical was the last straw.” i totally feel you on this comment you made earlier. i JUST went through this. once it got physical, that’s when i realized that i already was in an abusive relationship. it was so much more than just being physically assaulted…..

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
1:41 pm

“i’m also grateful for the amazing woman he forced me to find within myself, because a wonderful man now reaps the rewards from his shenanigans.” That is the best part of leaving a douchebag! I definitely feel the same way!

@LadyJ ~ your philosophy for Kadie is commendable! If that’s your stance, then that’s your stance. You’re a great Mom!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:41 pm

PR never since kadie was 4 months she has been with her dad I will never do that and she has nothing to do with that you can’t put that on me to assume i will keep her from him bc things don’t go my way i am bigger than that but cool with you assessment

ok melo if you say so

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
1:42 pm

Why does one think a marriage can’t rebound from that?

@ Ared, (I’ve never been married either), I think it is possible for a marriage to rebound from infidelity, IF, the people involved deem it worthwhile to do so.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

June 29th, 2010
1:42 pm

What it do Party People!!

Waaaay too much to catch up on, so Im just jumpin in from here

Hey Dig That, whats good mayne!

ARed and Lady J – hey chicas, how is everything?

So whats going on in Blogsville?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:45 pm

Kym honey I am not dictating anything but the things that go one with my child and I don’t want her to deal with adult ish she is not and if that means playing house oh well they don’t live together however they are not going to act MARRIED and just be girlfriend/boyfriend with a child that another adult her mother is apart of sorry have their own kid and I can’t dictate that……me and his girlfriend are fine and so am i and him yall are missing that i have NEVER kept kadie from her dad or tell him what to do but i will voice my concerns for my child til i die

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
1:45 pm

“…Nor is it fair to your child to keep her away from her father because you don’t want him to have a girlfriend.”

I don’t think she’s saying that at all!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
1:46 pm

I do not think Lady is saying that she keeps Kadie from her father, I think she is trying to say that there are certain situations that she has expressed to him that she prefer he not place Kadie in. If i’m not mistaken Kadie is with her day 2 or 3 days every week.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:47 pm

Thanks Leggs!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
1:47 pm

day=dad

oops

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:49 pm

Lady J, just asking you questions with no set way of thinking.

My blog entry earlier was hinting towards the fact that what may be a douchebag to one woman may turn into an excellent man with another. But most, NOT ALL women tend to think that some men will stay in the state or be what he was to the women who it did not work out with forever. I think that frame of thought is just wrong.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:49 pm

PK kadie’s dad gets over a A+ for being a damn good dad and co parent but i will not be passive bc he is a great dad my voice will be heard no he doesnt have to agree and he doesn’t all the time howver he involves me in decion making with our child and i say my peace and what i say to hiim i say to her i have class and this is not about me wanting him bc i don’t i have a child to raise period

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:51 pm

I will move right on out of this conversation, I don’t have the resume to speak on it so I am not well versed.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:51 pm

where did i ever say he couldn’t have a girlfriend????? i tell ya?????

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
1:51 pm

@Leggs and Lady J..I am reading that Lady J had no problem shacking up with her daughters father for 4 years before marrying him but somewhere in the first few years of marrying that had a child and divorced..so while I understand that children bring us to a point of wanting to do better..I am trying to understand how his moving on with someone else is going to have her child dealing with adult issues? One your child is 4 she is not going to remember much of anything at this age and if she does it is fuzzy..2 if you have a cool relationship with the dad and the girlfriend and no that they mean your child no harm..then how is your child spending time with them going to be a negative influence..I mean unless your ex is dealing drugs out the back of the impala..or rolling gangsta with guns in the car..again I would understand. But what she is saying right now is not adding up but hey like she said it is her choice and if he goes along to get along..its ya’ll thang.

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
1:52 pm

@PR, in czB’s point, his douchebaggyness became a gem for another woman because he emptied his bag out on her. Their rocky relationship helped both their souls to be best suited for other people. Make sense???

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
1:53 pm

@Mo- What up mama?

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
1:53 pm

I don’t think she’s saying that at all!

@Leggs??

they are divorced.Thats the reality of it and u cant hide that from kids coz thats the truth of their reality!

Now Lady J may have values that differ from her ex but she cannot dictate to him what to do with the baby when its his turn to have her.
Her angst is her angst but she has to remember,that has nothing to do with what ex wants to do with his kid. Besides,he may not be the custodial parent but may also not agree with what she(Lady J) does, where she goes with nor who she interracts with when with the baby. So what gives??

Moving on is the best healer.

Get ur own man and let ex get his own bootey!

When uall mutually getting urs goood..ur mind is more at ease and relaxed!

There!

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:53 pm

Leggs, I responded to her with a meaning I understood and I also said some and “not all” in caps.

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
1:54 pm

@ Ared….usually the cheating is not a 1 time incident, at least not mine. The first time he stepped out, I forgave him and took him back because I believed he just thought “new” meant “better”. In my case, we weren’t even going through anything major, just financial issues and had to sell our home. He cheated after I found out about her and got dressed to go out with her in face and told me he had a date!

I took him back because I believed we could fix it and I could trust him again. The 2nd, 3rd time..okay…you clearly don’t want me so why do this in my face! I am believer that there is a right and wrong way to do anything and if he thought there was someone better, let me know, and be a man and give me that much respect to leave.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
1:56 pm

Divorce, kids and new relationships seem like a headache. I would think during the dating process the kids need to be involved not just after they get married, just due to the simple fact to see if the kid will get along with the new step parent. Maybe not at the initial dates but if things start to get serious towards marriage or LTR

Elijah ( Today is a good day!)

June 29th, 2010
1:56 pm

I get it Lady-J you are speaking up on what messages are being display in fornt of your child. These are critical issues and they must be address. Couples who divorce do not take in consideration the messages that we send to out kids when we start a new relationship.

I like what many have stated they will not exposed their children to the new SO until they are on solid footing. That is some good wisdom to live by!

F2B I am sorry to hear about your abuse situation, I hope all is well with you!

Lady-J keep it coming I love the passion.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:56 pm

kym and melo ok……next convo….

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
1:57 pm

Yep Yep F2B. funny thing is that i didn’t recognize the other behaviors as abusive while i was living with it. once the physical started, i knew that was a bad sign right away. it’s through years of getting back to knowing myself that i realized how badly ‘beaten’ i was in my mind, my soul, and my spirit.

and AREd, all i can really say is that you decide in that moment whether or not infidelity is enough to make you walk. depending on the circumstances, you may very well choose to stand and get through it. for us, it simply happened much too often. it got to the point where he didn’t bother hiding it because my ’stand by your man’ position tought him that i would always forgive. so it’s not that simply cheating ended our marriage, it’s that we really no longer had a marriage.

thanx Leggs. you know we speak from the heart.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
1:57 pm

I think (and this is just my opinion) that because Lady endured more than I child should have to (gathering this from previous posts) , as a child, she just wants to shield Kadie from some of those things and allow her to be a carefree child.

I could be wrong though……….it happens

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
1:58 pm

Thanks Elijah!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
1:58 pm

Hey Miss MO!

Lady J and JtJ, thank you for clarifying. That really sucks. And I am sure that you both did all you could.

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
2:01 pm

Okay maybe I missed all of the childhood traumas in previous posts.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
2:01 pm

Wassup Mo! Hope all is well. Good convo in here right now.

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
2:04 pm

Also because my Daddy along with my aunts and grandma raised me..I have a special place for Daddy’s rights..now I know not all Daddys are created equal..but I feel like sometimes we women folks can get shiggdigg twisted up and lock Daddy out of the game. My son’s father was not the best(no gonna speak ill of the dead today) but he loved his son and my son thinks he was the next best thing since cartoons..so I keep his little dream alive.

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:04 pm

Hola!

Y’all are playing while I have been working…this is too much to catch up on.

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
2:04 pm

@ PR…it can be a headache, if you let it. My main concern is that the kids are taken care of and have a good childhood despite everything else.

@ Ared…To this day, my middle sister will not let me forget what she heard my ex say to me in front of her …He said something to the effect of “he was the quarterback and I was just a cheerleader that could be dropped before the next season”!!Lol

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
2:05 pm

Amred – To your infidelity question:

You(not you personally) are on the outside looking in in every marriage but your own. You don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors with people. To a lot of people, sleeping with someone outside the marriage is the ulitimate betrayal.

Amred, speaking from someone with connections in heathcare, let’s just say a lot of folk are VERY SLOPPY. They have little or no consideration for the other person’s health that they are putting at risk. And it’s more outside kids conceived than you would believe too.

And that’s the stuff you won’t hear people talking about. All you might hear is that somebody messed around.

Tough for some folks to recover from.

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
2:06 pm

I think I was skimming earlier and Dreams may have said something to the effect of relationships/dating being a gamble, but you have to live with the consequences and reality of winning or losing. The deed has already been done. Maybe we need to discuss or recognize these things in the beginning but all of that is too late now. I ain’t on best or even good terms with my baby mama and she does little crazy things and we both are regretting the day we met, but that is OUR child and no one has more rights to him/her than the other. Kid just has to grow up and say my mama(LadyJ) was great mom and daddy(buddy) was a pimp. Anywho he has the same rights and not contingent on who he boning now or who she boning now.

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:06 pm

I know I am late stepping in, HOWEVER I would not want two big rusty grown folks shacking and humping over my minor child or toddler. That is why some of these kids are grown now.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
2:07 pm

But most, NOT ALL women tend to think that some men will stay in the state or be what he was to the women who it did not work out with forever. I think that frame of thought is just wrong.

PR, i give my ex the benefit of the doubt. i don’t KNOW that he is a better person, but i certainly hope so. as i told him before we split, if he doesn’t go on to become a better man with a good life, then everything he lost was for nothing.

having said that, i will share this … he recently ‘friended’ our kids on FB. they accepted, thinking they would reconnect with dad after almost 10 years. they tell me they exchanged a few pleasant messages but have heard not one word from him since. he didn’t share a phone number for them to call if they need him. he didn’t ask to see them. didn’t ask how they’ve been. both kids have since ‘unfriended’ him. my gut feeling is that he actually has not changed. and that is just sad, sad, sad.

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
2:07 pm

Purple Rain??

its not just divorced kids..even baby mama kids issues are also a headache..

I faced same kinda ish with my baby mama when my dghter was coming over here to stay with me..thats why i lied to her about my living arrangements coz i knew if i mentioned i was married,she was gon deny me having her.

and then when she found out,it was a l iving hell.from her relatives and her…. all ganging up on my Queen..she became the new devil…

so that phenomena Lady J talks about..i know the under hand feelings of females with other females…..

Thats why nowadays, i just treat those jokkers with the back of my hand…we dont give them much play…..otherwise they will wanna control ur life just coz u had a kid tgher….

Ur phluccking azz!

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:07 pm

@Elijah…thanks for your kind words. i am recovering and healing well.:) my support system of family friends really came through for me. they continue to keep me up when i’m feeling down. i am thankful that i escaped the situation w/my life and sanity. all praises.

@czbrat…i feel the same way! there are so many things that happened over the past 2 years that i know say…hmmmm….i was being abused! i wrote it off as him being moody are distressed about personal or professional circumstances. i also realize how much i put his feelings first and ignored my own. it was quite a learning experience. i am glad to hear that you have moved fwd too. it is a blessing to have the opportunity to make wiser, more informed decisions.

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:08 pm

I forgot to add this I don’t spend the night over a dude’s kids I don’t care if they are sleep etc. I keep classy.

YOU don’t hump over the children. Point blank–period.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:11 pm

married means that married shcking is that gf bf living together childrens are involved and with my child i will say what i have to say if i had a man or not…..my lack of sex is not causing me to want the best for my chid in a co parenting situation you or yall can think and judge however i have NEVER kept kadie from her dad or tell him what to do but i will say what i feel about my child and he does too period……..communication is key!

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
2:11 pm

@F2B- That is the beauty of maturity.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
2:12 pm

two big rusty grown folks shacking and humping

PROFESSOR!!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:12 pm

right on professor!

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
2:14 pm

@Much love going out to all the women who have been abused.

Free2B……Is there anything I can do!

Well I feel it time for some comedy. This is for entainment purpose only! YEAHHHHHHHH
Here is comes !!!!!!!!!!!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:15 pm

PK thanks you ROCK!

I don’t care what they say I ‘m jealous and need a man sex or a man does NOT detemine my motherhood! Go tell that!

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
2:15 pm

@LadyJ- NEVER JUDGEMENTAL. None of us are qualified. Just sharing and as a mother(primary parent) no one can say you don’t have her best interest at heart.

abc

June 29th, 2010
2:16 pm

Pheromones, seratonin and dopamine production account for the so-called ‘chemistry’. It will fade in time, faster for some than others, at different rates in the same person depending on who they’re dealing with. It is unknown as to what actually causes elevated levels of dopamine in your brain, but it’s a proven condition that’s evident when you are ‘in love’. It’s real. They should make a pill or some kind of drug. Oh yeah, they do!

After it fades, you’re left with what really matters. It’s good to find out if you have something that really matters with someone before the chemistry fades, because it WILL fade.

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:16 pm

LURKER BRING IT I NEED SOME COMEDY YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
2:16 pm

random thought:

I will be so glad when summer is over and the guys stop coming in my office smelling like pickled pigs feet

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:16 pm

i agree that it is unhealthy to have a significant other spend the night when there are children involved.

for me, the intent is what matters. what i mean by that is, there’s nothing wrong w/wanting to manage the environment of your child for healthy reasons. too often what happens though is that “managment” becomes a means of control. if that is the intent, then it’s all the way wrong. when you trust someone enough to marry, co-parent, etc., then you have to let go controlling their life/lifestyle. whoever is the full-time parent winds up getting exclusive rights to what is healthy for the child. that can be tricky because power is not always used wisely…..

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
2:17 pm

I think you said that wrong @LadyJ. Lol

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:18 pm

i have never and i mean never kept kadie from her dad and will not ever! stop saying i have too bc that is sensitive to me!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
2:18 pm

Profesora get outta my head!!!!

s/o and i have older (16/17/18/21) kids, which is ‘acceptable’ for our sleepovers. although it has taken some getting used to on my part. however, i REFUSE to stay at his place when his 5-year-old is there. to the point that i actually slipped out and made my way home around midnight one night. he was livid!! oh well. i made my position clear. it’ll be a while before i’m comfortable enough to cross that line.

btw … i’m assuming you’re talking about under the same roof as opposed to in the same room/bed coz that’s just

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
2:19 pm

@F2B- This is always a heated subject with men and women. Always have been and always will be. But like LadyJ said….communication is definitely the key.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:19 pm

@digthat…yeah it sure is. maturity is good.:) btw, how have you been?

@Lurker…no, i’m good! thanks for asking…LOL

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:19 pm

@PK LOL I had to make them big and rusty to make things lighter.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:20 pm

dig that we are two unnique and different people again I don’t determine her father’s home but my child’s well being i am a active parent period……

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:20 pm

You(not you personally) are on the outside looking in in every marriage but your own.

Kimmie – It’s not really about that tho (and I know you aren’t talking about me personally). A lot of us state on here that cheating is a deal breaker. So it’s not about anyone elses marriage, it’s about what you’d allow in your relationship. And perhaps one needs to make peace with the fact upfront that it’s a real possibility that one will cheat and that you’ll have to deal with in a manner that doesn’t include divorce.

Sandra Bullock’s divorce is already final. That’s gangsta. I’m not sure she really accepted who she was marrying tho, cuz he seemed to do his last wife dirty too.

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:21 pm

@czBrat not in the same bed we don’t want the MJ hook-up

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
2:21 pm

co-parent, etc., then you have to let go controlling their life/lifestyle

@free2be??

I agree..!

dont control nor try to impress ur value judgements on me..remember we aint tgethr anymore?

In fact,children of seperated parents are proly more discerning than the parents give them credit.

When u at mommy house,u do what mommy does..in my house,its my rules!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:21 pm

He said something to the effect of “he was the quarterback and I was just a cheerleader that could be dropped before the next season”!!Lol

JtJ – Damn.

So you didn’t see any of this pompous azz behavior before you got married? I’m just asking because everyone says they usually saw it coming but got married anyway. I’m scared shytless about that part…

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
2:22 pm

@Lady J I didnt say anything about you being jealous or needing a man..I have been a single mama for 14 years. I am not new to the game..I was just sharing a bit of advice cause as ARed said you put a story out there you gonna get advice..you take out the meat and toss the rest or toss it all.. it matters not to me.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:23 pm

@digthat…yeah i can see it’s a heated topic. that’s why i read a lot and commented just a little…lol. we as grownups are so funny….i find that everything we think matters to kids is often the very things they DON’T remember….lol. they are masters at remembering all of the little things. i used to hear it all the time as a classroom teacher. you’d be surprised…..

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
2:24 pm

Professor yea it was getting heavy for a minute

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
2:25 pm

slipped out and made my way home around midnight one night. he was livid!!

@czBrat!

I would too!

after getting an sexual appetiser and I am taking a big wheeeeew! (relax) so I prep for the real one..enchore/seconds(2nds) and u bail on me?

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:26 pm

melo – Do you have kids from your first marriage?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:26 pm

kym again you went saying what you said ant it had no revelnce to me bc #1 i am NOT or EVER have kept my child from her dad howver you never said anything about me being an active parent and stating my concerns your opnion was already made that I was keeping her wasy bc things were NOT going my way and that isn’t the case……my mother voice will be heard for my child period!

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:27 pm

@GHANA….this is a very scary day for me b/c….i actually agree w/you on your last post..LMAO. the definition of “detrimental” gets kind of skewed when a child is invovled. i don’t think it’s exactly fair to expect the other parent to do as the other does…or else. everybody has their own mind to live as they choose.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

June 29th, 2010
2:29 pm

wow this thang is jumpin!

lady J – I understand what you mean about putting kids in grown up situations. One thing people forget is that kids tell EVERYTHING! People think thats kids are ignorant or dont recognize things and that is sooo not the case. You have to be careful of the exposure you give your kids to other folks in your life.

Professor – chica Im LMBAO @ you, but I agree. Not playing around with the babies!

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
2:29 pm

THE CONTINUATION:::::::::::::::::::::: RELL da Rake and AMAZONRed about to get busy……………………YEAHHH

Rell:::;Red I was not finish the following allows put in least 2hrs straight of doing the do. Like I was saying before because I run the marathon, do spinning 3 days a week, bike the silver comet path, climb stone mountain, play nentindo, wrestle alligators, do marine bootcamp training, Live in an oxygen bubble and play spades this allow me to break yo back! YEAh

AmazonRed goes…. Well nugga, I hear you talkin, but I will need the following to do the do!!!!!!

1. You best have a bar in the basement stack full of liquor!
2. I need the lights off, I need to ride reverse cowgirl and my Delta’s need to be in the next room so we can talk about them celebrities!

Rell: Damm,Damm, Damm

I am starting to get warmed-up!

For entertainment purpose only!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:30 pm

if he felt the situation was cool he would have never asked me my POV he asked and he got it…..remember he came to me with the situation bc he knew it was questionable and i had a right to know

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
2:31 pm

And perhaps one needs to make peace with the fact upfront that it’s a real possibility that one will cheat and that you’ll have to deal with in a manner that doesn’t include divorce.

Amred – I’ve never been married either, but a lot of people say certain things are dealbreakers or not, but following thru is a whole different story. Sometimes you don’t know what you will do until you’re in that situation. A lot of times it’s HOW something was done that makes it a dealbreaker too. You might think, hey I can forgive him if it was just one time & we go to counseling. But what if after that one time he brought you a disease or fathered a kid? Even the Bible says infidelity is grounds, correct me if I’m wrong.

I ain’t mad at Sandra.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:32 pm

Mo you already know honey lol I am not making this up at all and i will continue to say my peace call it what you want…………….

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
2:32 pm

Okay let me go back and read what I wrote cause I am pretty dang sure I asked a question and you said on numerous occassions that your daughter see her father..we all get that. My question is how does he see her? I mean does he have to come to your house to do it? or Does he take your to his house..if he does then how do you know what is going on there?

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
2:33 pm

Do you have kids from your first marriage?

@Ared!

my eldest dgher

@free2be … is is a very scary day for me b/c….i actually agree….

dont worry, i have heard that be4, like im a leper! Its a constant theme..oogh melo..i dont normally read what u say..blah blah blah..so why now ??

most agree with me,just too proud to agree with me in public!

I phucckk in Pvt tho..so no worries!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
2:33 pm

ARed, i have to honestly say that i have resolved upfront (and s/o knows this), that the very first transgression will be the deal breaker. i don’t care how much i love you. i don’t care how much i need you. i don’t care how much we had planned for the future.
you cheat = i walk.

my experience has tought me that to go against your promise of fidelity is to say that:
1. our marriage is not what you want it to be (therefore, buh-bye).
2. you no longer respect me as your wife and the only woman in your life (therefore, buh-bye).
3. you lie (therefore, buh-bye).
4. you would risk whatever we have for the momentary thrill of someone new (therefore, buh-bye)
5. you can’t hold your liquor (therefore, buh-bye)
6. you are angry with me and don’t know how to use your words to express that (therefore, buh-bye)
7. my flight was delayed 30 minutes and you needed something to do while parked in the arrivals lane (therefore, buh-bye)

i think you get the pic ….

blue

June 29th, 2010
2:34 pm

missed a lot while at lunch.
can understand the comments about exs and their new partners. there are some who never change and those who you’ve helped become a better man for the one who needs him, just think what that does for your karma! but know from experience there are hurt feelings there, mine seems to be better now, and even tho i was in a good relationship myself by then wondered why he couldnt get it right with us. now our son wants to visit, and court order says i have to let him. my biggest concern was how does newbie treat him, and since he hasnt brought back any negative reports or bruises that report what he wont say, we’re good

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:35 pm

Lady,

I think I can clear this up. You read positive, fair, smart and logical. I really don’t see you being jealous or wanting to control anyone or any situation. I truly believe you want what is best for the lil’ lady.

Your ex seems like an excellent daddy, and I bet he has the child support ready and you don’t have to call the law or his mother.

With that said you don’t care about him getting his hump on, nor do you care about his new chick, but you do care and love your child and you don’t want all that shacking, humping, pumping, loving, sweating and playing house over her. They are not married and they need to stop pretending.

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
2:35 pm

@ Ared…Nope!! He didn’t start talking like that to me until he had got his first whiff of new meat!! He started feeling himself, what can I say!! At the time, I didn’t know about other women, so I just dismissed as a joke.

@ Melo…. “When u at mommy house,u do what mommy does..in my house,its my rules!—-My kids have this same thought process.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
2:35 pm

Sometimes you don’t know what you will do until you’re in that situation.

this is more often than not, in my opinion.

I can remember very vividly, my college roommate going on and on when we found out our homegirl was in a abusive (mutually abusive) relationship, that she wouldn’t take it etc…..fast forward about a year and half later, another homegirl showing me the whole in the bathroom wall where my ex-roommates boyfried had pushed her into the wall and she was still loving his dirty draws

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:37 pm

i don’t think it’s exactly fair to expect the other parent to do as the other does…or else. everybody has their own mind to live as they choose.

F2B – I agree. Especially if you lived with your ex before marriage, I would expect that it wouldn’t be a big deal to shack up even with a child involved. Especially if the ex believes the person they chose to live with presents a healthy example of a loving relationship…even without marriage.

Very important to chose wisely who you chose to procreate with! You give that kid the other person’s crazy genes too!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:37 pm

Kym no explanation is needed and I am not getting into what he brought to me either my whole point is kadie will not deal with adult ish period and I trust him as a father and he trust me and espects me and includes me in with parenting…..that is it…..the convo is dead! lol

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:37 pm

He didn’t start talking like that to me until he had got his first whiff of new meat!!

I know it’s not funny but

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
2:38 pm

it wasn’t like that Melo. we all had a very long day. i had intended to head home anyway but he wanted me to stay. when he went to put her to bed, he fell asleep. i waited about 20 minutes (all the while getting more sleepy myself), then decided to head on home. he didn’t discover i was gone until i was almost home.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
2:39 pm

seriously professor tear very correct and kadie and i NEVER hurt for money! your post sums it up! the end!

going to shower brb! lmbao!

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
2:39 pm

you can’t hold your liquor (therefore, buh-bye)

what does that mean czBrat??

Professor aka Dirty Diana

June 29th, 2010
2:42 pm

@Lady I believe you and your ex are outstanding parents. He told you the situation because he respect you and he knew that ISH wasn’t right.

I need an ice cream cone.

@GHANA wait 15 minutes and make your announcement you told Ared and I to remind you.

—–Reminder——

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
2:43 pm

means i don’t wanna hear no bs excuses about how or why you happened to fall into that ~~hole~~ ho.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:43 pm

@GHANA…LOL

@ARed….i agree.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
2:43 pm

I need an ice cream cone.

^^^^me too!!!

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
2:45 pm

I laughed, too Ared!!! It’s hard to be a quarterback when you don’t have a team.–He forgot that part!!

I feel you Lady J….my kids love their dad so much, they can’t see no wrong in him. I address my concerns with him and ask him to consider things greatly. That’s all I can do. My kids know how it is supposed to be and I am sure they will be better because the understanding is there, sometimes.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
2:45 pm

I need an ice cream cone.
make mine a waffle cone with otter paws please!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:45 pm

kadie will not deal with adult ish period

You can’t make that promise tho Lady J. Especially if she’s not with you 24/7.

Besides, certain adult situations help kids to cope with things as they grow up.

So many parents were mad at Erykah Badu for her Window Seat video and potentially exposing their kids to the naked body. Many of em didn’t realize it was more of a teachable moment. We all come into this world naked.

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
2:46 pm

when he went to put her to bed, he fell asleep. i WAITED about 20 minutes

czBrat!!

i dont know if u find this hilarious,but I do….thats why i put WAITED in caps…..while dude is pacifying kid!

I am imagining U waiting to get urs Cleaned!

pheeeeeeew!..these lil kids can be a nuisance!

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
2:46 pm

@Ared you picked up on what I was trying to get across in my first post on this shacking/thang…so I am just going to agree with you and keep moving forward.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:46 pm

@professor…hey there! how goes it?

@ladyj…hopefully there will be a topic change by the time you get back…lol.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
2:47 pm

if anyone’s going out for ice cream, bring me some sorbet back!

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
2:48 pm

@Kym ~ she doesn’t have a problem with the shacking up bit…she did it. Kadie is the result of the two adults she lived with at the time. Even at 4, she doesn’t want her child with her father who’s playing house with someone else acting like her daughter is going to be “mommied” by the girlfriend. There’s a difference there. Even though the child has no idea what an “adult” issue is, her mother knows and it doesn’t sit well with her.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
2:48 pm

i like your version better Melo. i think if i had used that logic, he might have forgiven me …. with a smile!

lurker_1

June 29th, 2010
2:49 pm

Has anyone read the story on AJC about the man in Texas beating his two year old stepdaughter to dead? He said that she was crying too much as he was watching the US-Ghana soccer game. I guess it does matter who is around your child. I would rather be over protective than sorry.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:51 pm

Besides, kids deal with “adult” ish every time they have to say “my parents are divorced” or have to get shuttled back and forth from house to house.

For instance. my friend has to correct his new girlfriend everytime she tells his kids they are going “home.” Because he shares custody, they have no one “home.” So the kids know it’s either “I’m going to my mom’s house” or “my dad’s house” but never just “home.”

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
2:52 pm

@Proff..

I wont ask that qstion today coz it seems,it wont sagueway properly!

have to wait for the right moment….

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
2:53 pm

I hear a lot of women talking bout cheating being a deal breaker and a lot of excuses of why he is wrong for cheating but they are not wrong for not giving up what the other chick was willing to give. I will never forget me trying to leave the room one time when my uncle and aunt was fuzzing one day and she was heated and talking about leaving and asked him why in kcuf did you go get some pudussy from that other broad and very calmly without cracking a smile or mean mug said “because you never give me none and I thought she could help”. I wanted to holllleeeerrrrr!!!!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
2:54 pm

because you never give me none and I thought she could help”.

classic!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
2:56 pm

Start boiling the hot grits.

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
2:58 pm

@Leggs sorry call me slow..but if the problem is not the shacking then the problem is the woman living there with the father momming her daughter..Ohh so basically she is jealous of the woman..I follow.

Now if the problem is she is not jealous of the woman and just doesn’t want her around her daughter because she is shacking with her ex-hubby..well we are back to the center ring in this family circus.cause said woman is going to be around cause the woman lives with her ex..who is the father of the daughter who she says she doesn’t keep from seeing his child. You see where I am going?

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
2:58 pm

Dig – Yeah, that’s the oldest excuse in the book. Just about every married dude gives that answer and it may or may not be true. Either way, looks like that’s something the 2 of you need to be working on – if one of you doesn’t want intimacy, why?

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
3:00 pm

I guess it does matter who is around your child. I would rather be over protective than sorry.
although that situation is extreme (crazy actually), i know what you mean. the only time i put my foot down on my ex exposing our kids to one woman in particular was because he let it slip that she lost custody of her kids behind some aggravated assault charges. i said, if she can’t be trusted around her own kids she damn well best stay far away from mine!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
3:00 pm

Kym – Where is your kid? At camp?

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:01 pm

free2b and proff I have to treat yall to a icream social in the vinnings soon!!!! lol

i want some too!

waving @ lurker_1!

Thanks Leggs!!!

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
3:02 pm

Start boiling the hot grits.

Don’t worry…the pot’s been boiling…

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
3:03 pm

@AmazonRed yes he is this is his week at sleep away camp..but I am still checking in thru pics they post on the camp’s website. He is relaxed hanging with other teens. Its a Christian based camp so the foolishness they get into should be on the low side. Most of the kids are nerds like him anyway. So they sneaky..

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:03 pm

damn meant ice cream!

I see we still spinning huh……lol ok like i said call it what you want honey its over and the results went the correct way that is all!

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
3:04 pm

@Free2b….Hey don’t be afraid of Mr. LURKER, I is good to women. Now what type of Ice Cream would you like? LURKERBERRY,SORBERLurker or Chocalate Lurker! YEAAAAA

What it do Dirty Diana….. I likes that about ya! Keep it coming!

Let’s try one more What if

What if Dan and Sassy were about to get busy in the bedroom…… Here what might happen! YEAH

Dan: Sassy you know I exfoliate, conpitulate, reinvigorate, reinvent, know the answer to how the earth was made, commensurate, pontificate poonany at all times:

Sassy: Boy after you ride the Sassy Train you will not be able to speak! After I am done with ya I might punch you in the throat!

Dan: Wow that sounds uplifting,sintilating,dynamic,stimulating and I really luv that throat punch idea. But firs I need to you read these papers I have on the dresser!

Sassy: Dan I am hot and ready what do these papers say?

Dan: Once we engage I am allow to come first. You cannot bring any problems to me unless you want an answer. I want to you to work on continous improvement at all times!

Sassy… WTF to be continue! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

FOR Entainment purpose ONLY!!!!

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
3:05 pm

I mean, is there some truth to that?

“If s/he ain’t gittin it at home, they gittin it somewhere” – confucious

JtJ- 100 days til I am Mrs. JT

June 29th, 2010
3:05 pm

You are soooo wrong Dig That!!! LOl!!

All in all, you have to do what you can and try to do what is best for the children, since they don’t know and can’t do it for themselves. I hated that my kids had to go through this, but I pray that it helps them make better decisions when they become adults. I talk to my kids and explain things to them without sugar coating it and let them if they ever have concerns about what either of us is doing, to come and talk to us.

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
3:07 pm

@Lurker

If my mouth opens in the bedroom, it’s rarely (5%) to say anything..

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
3:09 pm

Sorry.

Should’ve been say anything

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
3:11 pm

@Kym ~ I got what you’re saying, but only she can honestly say.

@LURKER, that has my jaw hurting. I actually hollered out loud!

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
3:14 pm

I mean think about it. It is so true. How selfish is that? I don’t want to give you none and don’t want nobody else to either.

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
3:23 pm

@Leggs….I am glad to be of service I need the encouragement…… Strong blk woman…. You know you one of my favorites! But I am going to put you in what if Leggs and RandyT got it on in the bedroom? That is going to be a good one! YESSSS

Hey people are dealing with some real issue. I would say this always speak up when it comes to your child, better to be safe then sorry. LURKER dropping a wisdom nugget! YESSSS

@Now if you are a single mom I will most definitely get dat bootey when the kid is sleep, eating dinner, taking out the garbage, running to the store, washing clothes downstairs, playing Wii,nintendo or Xbox, watching thier favorite movies, On the phone or texting etc. YEAH

@Free2b…..You need some cookies with the LURKERsorbet?

@Professor…..I was gone earlier on Friday but LURKER will be drinking again very soon! Be Ready you little intellectual vixen! YEAHHHH

For Real (Rough Talkin)

June 29th, 2010
3:23 pm

On topic: Chemistry: An excuse to cheat, an excuse to get freaky, an excuse to leave

LadyJ topic:

1. A mother’s love is no greater than a father’s loves. Women are not born with some innate ability to be a parent.

2. Express your opinon about your child’s upbring is a right that both parents possess. Calling someone else’s life ish is judgemental.

3. So long as kids have parents they will deal with adult ish just like the adults deal with kid ish.

4. What happens when you meet the one you think could be your next husband? Are you going to tell him he has to wait until she grown? (By the way the last position is my position if Jesus were to come down and give me a 10 page powerpoint presentation in 3D without the glasess as to why I needed to get married again.)

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:25 pm

LMBAO silly Lurker!

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
3:25 pm

Dig – 2 wrongs don’t make a right. You are both to submit to each other, but you also vow to forsake all others when you marry. You 2 need to work on your intimacy problems, both of you.

But yeah Dan, 9 times out of 10, if you won’t someone else will.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:26 pm

for real i digress i stated my POV it is over i respect your stance and my child’s father stance if he would have that it was ok he wouldn’t asked my POV with helping make that decision but he did but i digress it is over…….good post!

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
3:27 pm

@LURKER..good one there!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
3:28 pm

Damn For Real…you REALLY don’t want to get married again!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:28 pm

i nevered compared the love yall stop with the assumptions but i respect yall views!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:30 pm

meant would have thought it was ok…….anyway……we agree to disagree it is over

party time! its a holiday week and NOLA waits for LADY!

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
3:30 pm

@For Real I will answer number 4…for her…NOPE..

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
3:32 pm

2 wrongs don’t make a right

@kimmie- that would be a woman’s point of view. But how bad would you dog dude out if he stop taking out the trash. Stop going to work. Sat around in his draws all day playing video games and smoking weed with his friends and won’t even cut the grass. All the things you loved about him. How long would you stay?

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
3:33 pm

Two wrongs don’t make a right…but it can make things EVEN.

free2be

June 29th, 2010
3:34 pm

@lurker…you sure are a mess! LOL

@ladyj…an ice cream social sounds great! sorbet for me though…no dairy.:)

enjoy the rest of the afternoon/evening everyone. til next time…..

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:34 pm

kym stop it you are grown handle and do you and i will do me with a smile we are differentI i don’t answer for you so don’t answer for me! lets play fair! enjoy your evening! when i answer for real cows will fly as i stated to you no explanation is needed with the decisions i make for my child!

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
3:35 pm

@Kym- LMAO!!! Exactly

I got no problem with doing while the chirren home. If I go to her crib and the kids still up asking me am I their new daddy. I just say naw you lil MF I’m just here for the night. (R.I.P. B. Mack)

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
3:36 pm

wow i can’t beleive it went there! geesh!

ok let me get ready for my last class that I aced! GO LADY!

Peace Crew!

For Real (Rough Talkin)

June 29th, 2010
3:36 pm

Big Hug to F2b.

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
3:38 pm

I say tadaaaa..when my numbers balance

I say tadaaaa when they(numbers) reconcile
I say tadaaaa when the clock hits the hour spot

I say tadaaaa..when I hit the spot with Queen…….and was angst!

I say tadaaaaa when I hit from the back..

Guys..do u say tadaaaaaaaaa when u with a thick chic and u finally find the spot after a massive finger/wang search?

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
3:40 pm

“I used to get dressed up in costumes and jump around. But at some point, I got closed off, darker. I don’t remember anything happening. I think you just get hit with the realities of certain things in life, think too much, start to realize the world isn’t as you wished it would be, so you deepen. Then, as I had kids and got older — being goofy, lighter — it all came back.”

Angelina Jolie

Professor

June 29th, 2010
3:43 pm

@F2B hey lady! Sorbet is a good choice too!

@MR LURKER you should email Lady she sent you a message Friday, so you can come out and join us for ice cream YEAHHHHHHHHHHH

@Melo this is a blog anything goes.

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
3:49 pm

But how bad would you dog dude out if he stop taking out the trash. Stop going to work. Sat around in his draws all day playing video games and smoking weed with his friends and won’t even cut the grass. All the things you loved about him. How long would you stay?

Dig – None of that would be enough for me to hop in the bed with someone else. We try to work those things out, get help if we have to. That stuff you mentioned is irritating, but not enough for me to step out on him. Intimacy is important in a relationship. So if one of yall is not giving it up, something is wrong and it probably has nothing to do with sex. Try working it out before you go messing around is all I’m saying. If you’ve talked until you are blue in the face, been to counseling, the doctor, prayed, Vicky’s Secret, whatever, and things don’t change, I wouldn’t expect most to stick around then.

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
3:50 pm

@LURKER ~ do what you got to do…it’s all in fun. I can take a joke, even at my own expense!

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
3:53 pm

@Ghana…..You are one of a kind! I am still working on getting your permanent resident card
revoke….Or visa card revoke (I see Deportation in the works for you)

@Slimone….So you last 1 month before you go into the dark chocolate. Slimbiggina I like you style you make-em wait for a little then you put it on him for 3 days that what I’m talking bout! YEAHHHHH
P.S. I here dude has not been seen at work the past 2 days, I hope another has not gotten lost in the deeeEEEEEEEEEEEPp Cavern located in CONYERS! YEAHHH

Hey single moms need/desire and want dizzle just like the women with no kids. We cannot keep sex away from our they must know this is what adults! Now we must educate them so they don’t get the wrong impressions about free sex!

For Real (Rough Talkin)

June 29th, 2010
3:53 pm

LadyJ: “if he would have that it was ok he wouldn’t asked my POV with helping make that decision but he did” – I believe you are mistaken his query of your opinion as evidence of a fact as it concerns his living situation.

Evian: LadyJ I got an opptunity to be a model!

LadyJ: Oh yeah that’s great! What’s name of the agency?

Evian: For Real’s Picture-taking Emporium. “Where you picture is worthy a thousand dollars”. What do you think?

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
3:55 pm

But how bad would you dog dude out if he stop taking out the trash. Stop going to work. Sat around in his draws all day playing video games and smoking weed with his friends and won’t even cut the grass. All the things you loved about him. How long would you stay?

Long enough for the ink on the divorce decree to dry!

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
3:57 pm

Dig That??

Ur 3.32 …..most of todays woman will step and get under another man ..easy….if that were to happen… altho what Kimmie gave u is the principled woman’s s approach and the right thing to do.

Flip the sexxes a lil bit..a man will get over another woman while whining bout his woman doing that ish and maybe talking to her pple and his pple about how to solve it at the same time..talk of multitasking.

and then his boyz will come over to the crib and say:

so how is she today..she in the house doing same??

Dude: Yeah!

Boyz::: Ok..lets go hit Echelon tonite and blow some steam with them hoochies…!

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
4:00 pm

@kimmie- I can dig that. You r a good woman. Can’t ask for more than that.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
4:03 pm

Ur 3.32 …..most of todays woman will step and get under another man ..easy….if that were to happen
Ghana This is evidenced by the fact that the percentage of married women who cheat is about equal to that of men. Women SAY they wouldn’t cheat, but they do.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
4:03 pm

But how bad would you dog dude out if he stop taking out the trash. Stop going to work. Sat around in his draws all day playing video games and smoking weed with his friends and won’t even cut the grass. All the things you loved about him. How long would you stay?

i was gone before he made bail! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
4:07 pm

Women SAY they wouldn’t cheat, but they do.

@Dreamz…??

who sang that song??..we know …we know ……we know!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
4:08 pm

Women SAY they wouldn’t cheat, but they do. inspite of how badly things went in my marriage, i was never unfaithful. i raised hell at time; i cried at times; i begged at times; and i prayed at times … but i never cheated. that would not have solved anything. and it’s something I would have had to live with ever after. ijs

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
4:11 pm

@Melo- thats how it happens

@Dreams- so true.

@brat- crazy a$$. Lmao!!! Can’t blame you.

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
4:14 pm

Believe me women cheat. A lot of times they are just better at it, because either dude just wants to believe she never will and can’t accept the fact she might or women are just better liars.

It's me....lurker.....grrrrr, it's been one of those days, despite the 3 hour client lunch

June 29th, 2010
4:19 pm

When I left this morning this thing was just hitting page 2

i'm swiss

June 29th, 2010
4:22 pm

Howdy, folks. Way late; no chance to get caught up… Just wanted to pop in & say hello.

Oh, and also: Where do I sign up for this??? I always knew someday I could pimp out my white-ness….

i'm swiss

June 29th, 2010
4:23 pm

“…or women are just better liars.”

Somewhere, abc’s ears are burning…

free2be

June 29th, 2010
4:24 pm

@forreal…thanks for the hug.:)

kimmie

June 29th, 2010
4:32 pm

It’s been a fun day in the blog neighborhood today!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
4:36 pm

LMAO @ swiss (as usual)

note: at this time each day begin the two longest hours of my day. waiting for my release from the plantation

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
4:38 pm

@cz ~ before making bail. Gone faster than a NY minute!

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
4:41 pm

<—-Still pickn cotton

GHANA

June 29th, 2010
4:44 pm

czBrat…when it gets to winter time and u still there at 6.00 pm and its dark but hardly doing anything,let the s/o come over and play witchu!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
4:53 pm

Melo, i really, REALLY hate it when you make me blush.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
4:55 pm

Ghana, you are a mess that 4:44 was funny.

@czBrat girl I worked hard today, so I understand how it feels Dig said it all with pickin’ cotton. I did some work today.

Off topic: I finalized two summer trips and everything is paid for and squared away. I guess I didn’t work too hard. Now I need to find one more place to go and I will be str8!

Professor

June 29th, 2010
4:57 pm

czBrat don’t let melo get you fired you know he will have you violating all the policies and procedures. Think about before you let Mr. czBrat put you on that copier machine in the mailroom.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
4:58 pm

Now I need to find one more place to go and I will be str8!
Yep and I’ll be ready when you come…nice bath, massage oils, etc.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
5:00 pm

DreamsM,

You better stop putting our business on the blog j/k

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
5:02 pm

you’re right. that’s why i usually only read the first few words of his posts to see if they’re headed in “that” direction. i’m trying to stay on the staight and narrow path of the gainfully employed.

Prof, do share you travel plans!

Leggs

June 29th, 2010
5:03 pm

God doesn’t give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED… to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

ENJOY THE EVENING!

Professor

June 29th, 2010
5:04 pm

@cz so far I have Mall of America and New York. After I talk to my travel buddies tonight we might add Memphis or St. Louis. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I will probably do a cruise superbowl week, but I haven’t booked it yet.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
5:13 pm

cool choices. we did memphis in may bbq event last year. really enjoyed the event, but not that impressed by the city.

i just booked s/o b-day wish; whitewater rafting weekend in TN. that should be interesting.

have tons of fun!

Professor

June 29th, 2010
5:14 pm

ciao~

It is ice cream cone time.

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
5:14 pm

Leggs, i luv that! i’ve missed your pearls

ciao!

Professor

June 29th, 2010
5:15 pm

czBrat will you surprise the s/o with the rafting trip? That sounds like a lot of fun.

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What happens when chemistry goes MIA?

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