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What happens when chemistry goes MIA?

Has this ever happened to you? You are really drawn to a person.  You begin to date and the chemistry grows stronger and stronger.  Things between you two go to the next level and it becomes exclusive.  Then suddenly out of the blue, you don’t feel the same attraction anymore.  It’s gone. Dissipated. What happened!?

What do you think happens in a dating relationship when there is one person who loses their “love jones” for the other?  Is it because the mystery is gone and you know way too much about the person too soon?  Is it because you created some fantasy chemistry that doesn’t even exist in the real world?

To quote the infamous Fly Guy: “The moment she officially has you wrapped around her finger is the exact moment her attraction starts to fade”  Interesting theory.  I happen to disagree with this statement!  I thought the only time girls wrapped a man around her finger was when she was in diapers and the man was her Dad! Do grown women really aim to get a man wrapped around her finger?  Is that the same as being madly in love with her?

At the same time, I can’t truly explain why or how a woman loses the attraction for her man.  I am inclined to argue that the emotional connection to him gets broken somehow. What do you think? And no, women are unstable creatures is not an acceptable answer, fellas. Sorry.

Let’s Discuss.

492 comments Add your comment

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
8:11 am

LURKER is first! YEAHHHHHHHH

Kym-has a tiny bit of Kid withdrawal

June 29th, 2010
8:22 am

Good Morning All,

I am inclined to argue that the emotional connection to him gets broken somehow.<<<<I agree. I think women like men may have the physical attraction first but it is the emotional connection or attraction that keeps us around. We have to know that we are connecting to you in more than just the physical..we need to know(feel) that the connection is beyond..your cologne. If not, then we seek that connection some place else. Being there for me..is not just your physical body. It is the whole package.

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 29th, 2010
8:23 am

What it do people?

Lurker will answer a few questions for Wisa Diva because she needs some help, then get on with the shenanigans. YEAHHHH

Has this ever happened to you? You are really drawn to a person. You begin to date and the chemistry grows stronger and stronger. Things between you two go to the next level and it becomes exclusive. Then suddenly out of the blue, you don’t feel the same attraction anymore. It’s gone. Dissipated. What happened!?

Deal breakers usually come into play this will cause you to loose chemistry quick, fast and a hurry! YEAH!

Well Wisa Diva has ask too many questions this early in the morning! :smile:

Chemistry can dissipate for a variety of reasons, if you have too many requirements and your man does not meet some of those requirements, now comes doubt and loss of chemistry.

Shenanigans in the next post!

I want to have a summer LOVE JONES with FREE TO B2, where you at sexy? YEAHHH :wink:

Wise Diva

June 29th, 2010
8:23 am

Good job Lurker! haha!
Good morning everyone, Thanks again for a great birthday blog day yesterday!

Hooray for no hangovers! LOL I better go get a work out in before the Florida heat gets outrageous. Be Back in a flash

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
8:28 am

Good morning,

Oxytocin – it’s a chemical released by the brain that causes attachment. It’s also responsible for addictive behaviors.

Oxytocin is released during the initial stages of romance, causing you to actually need the object of your desire near. As the romance develops, production of this chemical decreases and the brain begins to form different connections, one’s based on evolutionary needs (protection, concern, etc.).

Further along into a relationship, this attachment becomes permanent, kinda like a favorite color. S/he is as much a part of your day as remembering to brush your teeth.

I personally subscribe to the Love Jones theory of ‘possibility’. That the love isn’t gone, but couples lose their sense of the possible with that person, that there’s nothing left to discover.

Dan - simply...

June 29th, 2010
8:29 am

@WD

A belated ‘Happy Birthday’!

czBrat

June 29th, 2010
8:35 am

GM All!

don’t get too excited … i’m just popping in :lol:

Is it because the mystery is gone and you know way too much about the person too soon?
i think that’s why dudes go casper.

Is it because you created some fantasy chemistry that doesn’t even exist in the real world?
and this is why chicks take flight.

for me, i simply start to picture what our lives would be like together long-term, and if it doesn’t make me smile i know it’s time to bail.

miss yas!!

The chemistry most likely disappears...

June 29th, 2010
8:44 am

…about the same time the poontang gets conquered – in both directions!?!?

Professor

June 29th, 2010
8:52 am

Hey MR LURKER!!!!!

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH you made it in first :grin:

~brb I have a meeting.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:21 am

It’s scary when you open your heart, especially if others cannot match your fiery intensity. You may overcompensate by demonstrating your ability to be emotionally detached now instead of admitting how much you care. Rather than keeping score, remember that every person expresses love differently. Your fears will dissipate when you graciously accept what is currently being offered without further judgment……..

Mystery hmmmmmmm………pondering……

Good Morning Terrific Tuesday in progress………

Chink

June 29th, 2010
9:22 am

Good Morning

I have to agree with the assessment that the emotional connection becomes frayed. Chemistry I think is sometimes a fantasy…I dont’t think anybody is always in love with their partner sometimes you are going to hate their guts. Loving someone is not always easy. And you also have to be cognizant of not putting your partner through too much drama I think that kills attraction also.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:35 am

Usually if the chemistry is there the chemistry is there. However, if the chemistry is built on a false premise it will go away fast. I know a lot of us like fireworks. Fireworks are relationships that starts out with a big bang and light things up; however, fireworks go out quickly. I love the smile that comes across my face when I get that phone call from the right person, but I am secure and logical enough to know that I need more.

GHANA don’t forget to ask your question.

Wassup Lady

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:36 am

If you want to know how to keep the chemistry alive, you need to know the number one need all women have (if you are a man, well I guess in this day and time if you date women) and you should know the number one need all men have if you date men.

If you need me to school you on this let me know.

DreamsMaterialize

June 29th, 2010
9:37 am

Morning
First want to congratulate Urban Prep in Chicago for sending 100% of it’s graduating class to college.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100628/ap_on_re_us/us_the100_percenters_abridged

ON TOPIC: Chemistry vanishes for different reasons. Not all interactions are meant to last. Sometimes that chemistry is only good for the moment, and it’s precisely when we try to extend it longer than what it’s good for that it vanishes. It’s like your favorite hole-in-the wall restaurant that’s packed everyday, but as soon as it expands in an attempt to replicate that success it loses something…food just doesn’t seem the same anymore. Sometimes we just have to enjoy things for what they are.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
9:41 am

Morning All –

Good topic. Chemistry does fade, it doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. If you’re committed, you try your best to keep it alive…but must understand there will be times you aren’t really feeling your partner. It doesn’t mean it’s time to hit the door, but it does mean that it’s time to acknowledge where these feelings stem from.

My partner and I have great chemistry. But one thing that makes him laugh is when I tell him he needs a day off from me. I know I can be a brat, and no one should have to deal with me any longer than they should. :lol: But seriously, no one should lose themselves in their relationship. It breeds resentment. So I make sure he and I get enough “me” time so that the chemistry stays strong.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:43 am

waving @ professor! go ahead produce that list!!!!!!

did you say false premise…..hmmmmmm……..adults being ambiguous……why…….what’s there end goal……lol…..i digress…..just wonder is it that serious when all claim they don’t have time for drama but are authors of it to a point……lol……..

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:45 am

meant their not there two diff meanings at best! I am trying to wake up……..lol……

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
9:47 am

Good post AmRed…I totally identify with the second part.

Lady,cz and la Professoraaaaaaa…heeeey y’all!!

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
9:48 am

Good Morning,

I have to agree with ARed:

…..must understand there will be times you aren’t really feeling your partner. It doesn’t mean it’s time to hit the door, but it does mean that it’s time to acknowledge where these feelings stem from.

Is it because you created some fantasy chemistry that doesn’t even exist in the real world?

I think this happens sometimes too, of course “chemistry” can sometimes be simply physical and once you get past that and realize there isn’t a balanced equation that includes the other parts; mental, spiritual, emotional, then it all falls apart.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
9:48 am

Thanks Sassy!

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:49 am

Hey Sassy!!!!

ARed great post!

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 29th, 2010
9:50 am

Dan – I like the way you put that. Needing your person in your life is like needing to brush your teeth.

It ain’t sexy, but it’s the truth.

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
9:50 am

Nothing will ever match those early days of first falling in love, that’s just how it is. Get over it and look for a good man to settle down with. Newsflash: Life is not like the movies.

I swear some of you are dead set on dying alone.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
9:52 am

Chemistry isn’t the sustaining factor……substance carries it…….the true commitment to stick it out for the shared relationship goal…….space needs to be an ongoing measurement………

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
9:52 am

I personally subscribe to the Love Jones theory of ‘possibility’. That the love isn’t gone, but couples lose their sense of the possible with that person, that there’s nothing left to discover.

@Dan, I Like that.

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
9:53 am

Chemistry isn’t the sustaining factor……substance carries it…….the true commitment to stick it out for the shared relationship goal…….space needs to be an ongoing measurement………

@ Lady J, ummm please explain what you mean.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:54 am

Hey Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy!

@Lady you hit the nail on the head with this one.

just wonder is it that serious when all claim they don’t have time for drama but are authors of it to a point……lol……..

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
9:56 am

Thanks Lady J -

It’s easy to panic when the relationship you want in your head is not the relation that’s happening in real life. But you’ve gotta get back to the root of it all. And if your reasons for being with that person still hold true, you have to ride the ups and downs of it, just like with anything in life.

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
9:56 am

You got it Lady. A lot of these women think their life should be like a movie, they don’t live in reality. And they will die alone.

Professor

June 29th, 2010
9:58 am

Party people please don’t use chemistry to hide the fact that you are needy or insecure. Part of chemistry is knowing what components mix well and what should be witheld. In the words of Ared give your partner a vacation day or off day.

@Lady no list today. :grin:

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 29th, 2010
9:58 am

Interesting..

A guy doesn’t want to be wrapped around a woman’s finger because the woman will subconsciously lose respect for him because she knows she has him whipped. Once she knows she has you whipped, you aren’t a challenge for her anymore. Its a catch 22.

I think people lose the attraction because they look at dating as a carousel and actually never get to really know any person. Its just a series of random encounters. Its like they have ADD (Atlanta Dating Disorders). Males and Females cant focus on any one person because of the misc. stuff going on.

I was dealing with a girl and everything was great, she was calling, texting, we were hanging out, then out of no where, she has been slipping…she said she’s been super busy at work, she is flaking out on me if we set up plans, so I think maybe the thrill is gone. Its all good. No sweat.

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

June 29th, 2010
9:59 am

Mystery breeds intrigue, familiarity breeds contempt.

The moment I find my interest waning, I tend to cut and run (and not proud of that).

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:00 am

You ought not be thinking about my chemistry.

Dig That

June 29th, 2010
10:01 am

Good Morning Erybody

I am inclined to agree with Steven. It seems as if women have the fantasy already and try to stick a dude in it for it to be fulfilled which to leads me to believe that you are not real with yourself and no man is going to be that which you have dreamed up.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:01 am

Continue to date each other through life and do not ever settle for not showing your SO what you mean to each other. :)

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
10:03 am

I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half now. We are probably getting married next year. When we first started going out I was beaming, skipping to work each morning. Do I still do that? No. I have gotten used to how great she makes me feel. That’s normal. But still when I look in her eyes, I am always reminded how much I love her and how lucky I am, and I always tell her that.

The infatuation fades, the love and appreciation of each other does not.

A lot of you have probably let great ones get away because you got bored with them. Sad.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:03 am

PK hmmmmmmmmm the warm and fuzziness, giggles, flattery it fades then what is left……..well we hope substance-what the two of you want like exclusivity, marriage, a true companionship-partnership, etc-a real relationship that doesn’t require chemistry as a foundation……….space is an important factor period……it gives the relationship balance to sustain through the rough and not so happy times when both share the same goals with commitment and sticking it out…….

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:05 am

Thanks Steven and Congrats!

Hey PR and Dig That!

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:05 am

Purple Rain – Don’t you start this morning. :lol:

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
10:05 am

Dig That, it’s not all women, all though it is a lot of them. A lot of women let great guys get away because they watch too many movies and have unrealistic ideas about what a relationship should be. Don’t fret though, there are still some women out there who can spot a good man and are willing to settle down with him. And most of them are great women too.

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 29th, 2010
10:06 am

*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ *Today is a GREAT day! I hope that something or someone wonderful happens in your life today.

shaun

June 29th, 2010
10:06 am

First time posting here…. I think the person who said the Chemistry is not going to be strong everyday, hit it right… There are going to be those days when you will question the relationship, just like you sometimes question almost everything in your life. The solution is, not to run out on it, but focus on the problem and fix it. This is the reason most women are single, they find a man they like, but he does one thing they dont agree with, and they are ready to let it go.

AmazonRed™ - Team Edward

June 29th, 2010
10:08 am

This is the reason most women are single, they find a man they like, but he does one thing they dont agree with, and they are ready to let it go.

:idea: I have done this.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:09 am

AmazonRed, that is still hilarious to me :) , I am trying not to use it at work today. LOL

Lady J, Haiiiiiiiiiiiii! “Pause” “NO HOMO”!

Steven Q. Stanley

June 29th, 2010
10:10 am

Yep Amazon. My girlfriend’s sister once broke up with a guy because she did not like his handwriting.

As I said earlier, she recently bought her first cat and is preparing to die alone.

You nailed it shaun.

Lady-No time for negative energy, direct it else where....

June 29th, 2010
10:11 am

you are cool with me pr! be yourself! that is all I ask of you! have a great day! :)

Professor

June 29th, 2010
10:11 am

@Lady, Dig and Steven Q.

I always think of the movies and the fireworks when I think of young love: high school sweethearts, first love, innocent love and that kind of love of during wartime (when you waited on your sweetie). In REALITY most of us will only feel that way when we are 16 or so. The things I wanted in guys 18 years ago is different now, and it would be foolish of me to think that is how love works in the relm of things. I love a partnership where we can work together. I don’t care if we are weeding the garden or putting up new lights. When I was 16 and in fantasy land with my sweetheart we talked on the phone one Friday night until about 6:00 am. I am taking my tail to bed these days, so I think people should just use a little logic and learn how to yield to one another if you are 30+ this is not a problem for those in their 20’s,

PrincessNik....28 days and counting

June 29th, 2010
10:12 am

@ Lady J

Ok, i see where you are going, cool. My opinion though is that true chemistry is more than the warm fuzzies giggles etc. To me Chemistry is interacting with ease, bein comfy out on the town or just hanging out doing nothing. Same or similar goals for the relationship. Knowing and understanding that breaks will be needed but it doesnt mean you are on your way out the door or vice versa.

Purple Rain

June 29th, 2010
10:12 am

Lady J, LOL

Steven, broke up with someone because of their handwriting? People still write?

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 29th, 2010
10:12 am

hmmmmmmmmm the warm and fuzziness, giggles, flattery it fades then what is left……..

I think that’s only partly true….My mother’s parents aren’t married (to each other) but every time my (step)granny talks about grandaddy she lights up and gets all giddy and they’ve been married for ~40 yrs. When I hear the joy n love in her voice I think to myself I want that.

That being said, you do have some couples who act like oil n water and it makes one think why are you two together…it may’ve been all hot and heavy in the beginning but now things are like a wet blanket. Either way I think it depends on the couple. Remember Inauguration Day and the way the Pres. Obama looked at the First Lady during their first dance that night?…I thought that was priceless.