Dating: What have you learned
It’s great to be alive and well to see another birthday today! When I was younger I remember being in such a hurry to grow up and brag about my age. Now I pretty much dread it and try to avoid acknowledging how close to 40 I am getting *cough*.
I once wrote about what I would forewarn myself about if I had a moment to speak with my “younger self”. When thinking of everything I learned in my 20s about dating, sex, and relationships, what could I say? If you take all the pain and heartache away from our experiences, we probably would not be the same people. What would you say to your younger self?
You know they say that we are the sum of all our experiences. I suppose that is true in many ways, but what lessons can we take from it all?
I have been writing here for 5 years and I have learned a great deal about love, relationships, and men from the dialogue we have here! What have you learned?
Happy Monday & Happy Birthday to Moi!
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622 comments Add your comment
Professor aka Dirty Diana
June 28th, 2010
2:07 pm
Sassssssssssssy I love that song!
GHANA
June 28th, 2010
2:07 pm
duall buy this music or u get it smewhere for free??
Plies etc?
Dan - simply...
June 28th, 2010
2:07 pm
@Randy
Why not (and ladies feel free to chime in)?
If you tell me about a problem knowing full well that I going to offer solutions, don’t expect me to do anything else. I realize that you want me to listen, I do, but that isn’t going to happen without unsolicited advice, so why the vicious cycle?
kimmie
June 28th, 2010
2:07 pm
Afternoon People!
I missed the awards show, but will be able to easily catch it because they will replay it about 12 times a week for the entire summer!!
Love me some PRINCE! I like the early, more contraversial Prince songs too!
Late on topic – I take this blog as a fun form of entertainment and I get some valuable tips on things that are not relationship-oriented. Good recipes, concert news, housekeeping tips, shopping and sale tips, etc. I have made a few nice friends friends on the side. As for relationship stuff – it has just confirmed a lot of stuff about men that I already knew or suspected. I had made most of my mistakes with men before I started coming here – the main one being wasting my time in dead-end stuff, trying to make unworkable stuff work. It’s nice to have a place to hear about other’s ideas on things. All in all, it’s fun!
JP
June 28th, 2010
2:08 pm
@ LEGGS – I’ve been reading this blog for a couple of years now. I just get frustrated when a good topic like today ends up being ignored after page 1. I am in my late 20’s, so any dating/relationship advice I can pick up from older people with more experience is a plus.
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:08 pm
Swiss, you have ashy feet? LOL
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2010
2:10 pm
Touche, Purple. Touche…
Randyt (is it Friday yet?)
June 28th, 2010
2:11 pm
@ Dan the reason goes back to a simple question…what does reason or logic have to do with a woman anyway? Not saying it is right or fair, not saying that it makes sense, just saying it is one of those things that is what it is….and fighting is like trying to teach a pig to sing, it frustrates you and irritates the pig.
Lady-PYT-RIP MJ
June 28th, 2010
2:14 pm
hmmmmmmmm
GHANA
June 28th, 2010
2:15 pm
advice I can pick up from older people with more experience is a plus.
@JP
BUT u need to contribute so as to perpetuate the discussion. Ask qstions etc…
A silent baby never gets fed! (Zulu saying)
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:15 pm
Love and Relationships, the Purple Way:
Figure out the woman is the best thing to ever happen to you
Come up with a well thought out plan
Abandon well thought out plan
Get engaged, married and knock her up all in the same weekend.
Time is over rated, LOL
Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)
June 28th, 2010
2:16 pm
Swiss what did you think of the Isner/Mahut match?
Even though I wanted him to win his next match I kinda knew he wouldn’t…I mean how do you come back strong after a three day/fifth set match?
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:16 pm
Ladies, when I say something rude like me not listening to woman I expect you all to rag on me, it is no fun when you all steal my power by not responding.
LOL
Randyt (is it Friday yet?)
June 28th, 2010
2:17 pm
Seriously Dan,
I first heard about men screwing up by trying to fix things, by hearing a talk about Dr. Laura Schlesinger (mean biotch sometimes) and her book, “The Top Ten Things Men Do to Screw Up Their lives”. This one was Number 1.
Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)
June 28th, 2010
2:18 pm
I love that song!
!!!!!!!! La Professoraaaaaaa you might be my sista from another mista!
kimmie
June 28th, 2010
2:19 pm
JP – It can be frustrating on here when there is a good topic going, the posts are flowing nice & then it stops, especially when it changes to something you are not interested in!LOL!! But if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you should understand this already!
Plus, I hope you have other more consistent and reliable sources for relationship advice.
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2010
2:20 pm
Sassy — That match was ridiculous… I was sort of torn about the whole thing… I mean I’m an Isner fan (former Bulldog & all), so I’m glad he’ll be remembered as the winner of the longest match ever (by a long shot), but once that thing went past about 20-all in the 5th, you knew his chances of winning the next round were slim & none.
Kym-Cancers Rock!!
June 28th, 2010
2:20 pm
JP so why are you just reading and not actually responding..this is not an advise colunm like Dear Abby, this is interactive. But since you are seeking advice..here’s a tip..try not standing on the sidelines pouting because things are not going your way. Because based on your response to Leggs..it sounds to me like you are just that type of dater..you want to watch from the wings and if the show is not going according to your plan rather than play an active role..you pout and throw darts..like ARed said jump in and contribute or pack up your blues and move on.
Dan - simply...
June 28th, 2010
2:20 pm
@JP
What we’ve individually learned is still being applied, learned and relearned over and over (why some of us are still single).
I get that there are days where a topic may speak to something in your life, and on those days speak up, ask questions, and let those that do answer.
There’s usually no malice intent on here and most people will answer your questions, just be prepared for judgement, misunderstandings, and some real isht to come your way if you ask.
Other than that, most of us are releasing the pressure of work will silly conversation.
Welcome, stick with it, and don’t be such a punk; you can learn anything without asking questions. And knowing is half the battle..
AmazonRed™ - Good times
June 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
Ladies, when I say something rude like me not listening to woman I expect you all to rag on me, it is no fun when you all steal my power by not responding. LOL
You got that enough when you first got on here. You passed your initiation.
Besides, you’re Julia’s problem now anyway.
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
Sassy — That match was ri-di-cu-lous (I actually forgot that was a banned word the first time I tried to post this)… I was sort of torn about the whole thing… I mean I’m an Isner fan (former Bulldog & all), so I’m glad he’ll be remembered as the winner of the longest match ever (by a long shot), but once that thing went past about 20-all in the 5th, you knew his chances of winning the next round were slim & none.
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
JP, my advice to you is not to piss off these women.
kimmie
June 28th, 2010
2:22 pm
it is no fun when you all steal my power by not responding.
Purple, that’s a frequently used weapon on here and by far the most effective!LOL!!!
GHANA
June 28th, 2010
2:22 pm
Randyt (is it Friday yet?)??
how did Dr. Laura figure out men anyway, so much as to write books abouit it,when shes so ugly??
unless its becoz men used her as a phckking bag??
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:23 pm
AmazonRed,
Kym-Cancers Rock!!
June 28th, 2010
2:23 pm
Did Dan just call JP on the sly?? LOL!!
Lady-PYT-RIP MJ
June 28th, 2010
2:23 pm
what song sassy and professor? Randy and Dan what are yall talking about? I am lost
Professor aka Dirty Diana
June 28th, 2010
2:24 pm
Sasssy I am going to have to check your DNA, because I think you are right.
@Randyt you are correct, sometimes we just want you all to listen and not go in fix it mode. We want to talk and we want you all to listen. It is as simple as that nothing more…nothing less.
Dan - simply...
June 28th, 2010
2:24 pm
@Randy
I got you but I promise you that I know a few women that try and understand the nature of their man and work with it. Don’t ask me a question if you don’t want an answer and don’t tell me about problems and expect me to listen.
I, in return won;t hotbox you, ask you to smell my finger, or expect you to understand why I’m mad that the Falcons didn’t roll coverage.
Kym-Cancers Rock!!
June 28th, 2010
2:24 pm
call JP a punk on the sly!! Sorry still laughing.
???
June 28th, 2010
2:25 pm
JP, you’re not in Kansas anymore. Welcome to IDIOTVILLE
AmazonRed™ - Good times
June 28th, 2010
2:25 pm
JP, my advice to you is not to piss off these women.
like AmazonRedPurple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:26 pm
kimmie,
LOL
DreamsMaterialize
June 28th, 2010
2:27 pm
Phantom of the Opera has been around and is common knowledge. These rappers need to tell me more than that.
Prof I feel you, but I also realize these cats aren’t scholars. I just want them to not feel like they lose credibility for showing that they actually have some smarts. I’m not expecting them to be Carter G. Woodson on a track, although it would be a refreshing change. lol
Dan I’m not sure what Plies’ angle is. It just irks when you hear all these cats talking about keeping it real, but they’re dumbing down their lyrics for acceptance. That would be the opposite of keeping it, imo.
Lucinda
June 28th, 2010
2:27 pm
that dr laura chick is nasty and mean. i wouldn’t listen to her. far too judgmental
listen to dave ramsey instead
Kym-Cancers Rock!!
June 28th, 2010
2:28 pm
@Dan at some point a woman would like to know that the man she is with will listen to her problems..just listen! Just like men like to blow off steaming..so do women..and frankly while making the beast with two backs gets some men on a more even keel..sex is not always the answer for women.
Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)
June 28th, 2010
2:28 pm
I realize that you want me to listen, I do, but that isn’t going to happen without unsolicited advice, so why the vicious cycle?
You know what Dan for as much as you come on this here blog pontificatin n quotin n I read a dictionary for fun big word throwin that line of thinking you posted is out right rude and disrespecful of your woman and the relationship. How fair is it for you to knowingly/willfully offer advice you know isn’t wanted…so do you think your woman will keep coming to you once she realizes this? Then how will you feel when you find out about her new “friend” that just listens to her when she talks? You read pompous and arrogant at best….at least you’re being true to yourself if no one else BUT last time I checked a relationship takes at least two people. Anyhoo, do you,bruh…do you.
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
2:28 pm
ARed thanks for that update! lol
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:29 pm
Kym, I saw that as well but as a man I did not want to say anything to fuel the flames. LOL
AmazonRed, you, Professor, Sassy are a handful when you all decide to let go on someone. BlackMagicWoman is just “on” all of the time. If I see you all coming I will walk on the other side of the street unless everything is rosey.
Randyt (is it Friday yet?)
June 28th, 2010
2:29 pm
I totally understand, Dan. In a perfect world…
Believe me, I understand.
@ Melo aka Ghana, she learned by watching men screw up their lives. Women are peculiar, but I doubt anyone else has noticed that
Dan - simply...
June 28th, 2010
2:30 pm
@Kym
I didn’t. I was saying to get information sometimes you have to take it. Initiative is not a bad word. If you wanna know something, ask.
That’s why I started posting, there was an interesting topic and I wanted some answers.
I wasn’t trying to disinfect the dude(or lady) I don’t even know him/her.
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
2:31 pm
wow hmmmmmmmmm okay….
PrincessNik....29 days and counting
June 28th, 2010
2:31 pm
I’m not sure what Plies’ angle is
he likes to F_
_K at least that’s what i get out of it LOL
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:32 pm
If sex is not the answer to everything then you are doing it wrong.
Baby you had a rough day at work and you and your sisters are arguing? Why don’t you lay down on your stomach for a little while, with this pillow under your hips.
AmazonRed™ - Good times
June 28th, 2010
2:33 pm
AmazonRed, you, Professor, Sassy are a handful when you all decide to let go on someone
PR – I have no idea what you’re talking about *halo shines*
JP
June 28th, 2010
2:33 pm
I’m not trying to use this blog as my Bible for dating….Just check it frequently to get another point of view. After college I didn’t put any focus on dating, and just enjoyed being single in a new city and doing things that made me happy. I started dating a girl a few months back and have struggled with losing the freedom I had in my early 20’s. I have never settled and finally found a great girl, but having a tough time getting my priorities in line. I just don’t want to risk losing something great because I’m too selfish to make changes in my personal life. Need to start focusing more on “we” than “me”….
DreamsMaterialize
June 28th, 2010
2:33 pm
JP, you’re not in Kansas anymore. Welcome to IDIOTVILLE
kansas=IDIOTVILLE by most accounts. So, are you saying JP should feel right at home?
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
2:35 pm
PR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! babies are made that way lol! so don’t be surprised! lov ya! lol
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
2:36 pm
JP you are on the right track!
Purple Rain
June 28th, 2010
2:36 pm
AmazonRed, it is such a pretty shiny halo, but whys is your whole head starting to smoke? LOL