Dating: What have you learned
It’s great to be alive and well to see another birthday today! When I was younger I remember being in such a hurry to grow up and brag about my age. Now I pretty much dread it and try to avoid acknowledging how close to 40 I am getting *cough*.
I once wrote about what I would forewarn myself about if I had a moment to speak with my “younger self”. When thinking of everything I learned in my 20s about dating, sex, and relationships, what could I say? If you take all the pain and heartache away from our experiences, we probably would not be the same people. What would you say to your younger self?
You know they say that we are the sum of all our experiences. I suppose that is true in many ways, but what lessons can we take from it all?
I have been writing here for 5 years and I have learned a great deal about love, relationships, and men from the dialogue we have here! What have you learned?
Happy Monday & Happy Birthday to Moi!
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622 comments Add your comment
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
9:50 am
yep PK!!!!!!! our babies will be grown in our prime!!!!!!! it should be a promising time! they are growing so fast!
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
9:51 am
~Listen to the music your heart is singing and the hear the dance of your soul~
AmazonRed™ - Good times
June 28th, 2010
9:51 am
Lady J / JtJ – I had a blast at the concert too. Bobby showed out! I was there for Tony Toni Toni. That replacement Raphael Sadiq did a great job!
PrincessNik....29 days and counting
June 28th, 2010
9:52 am
Lady J
yes they are growing fast. My daughter is my only child but she has siblings on her father’s side. So it’s not like she is a true only child. Funny thing is at first she wanted a younger sibling, now she is getting older and realizing that would cut into some of the stuff she wants and gets to do etc…. Wise Child
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
9:54 am
ARED stop it chica girl I pretended he was up there all day!!!!!!!! bobby showed his behind inside out but I applaud him for staying true to himself!!!!!! Faith brought back so many memories!!!!!!!
Lucinda
June 28th, 2010
9:54 am
1. Understand what you really want.
2. Understand what are deal breakers for you.
3. Understand where you can compromise.
3. Understand where you cannot compromise.
4. Understand your weaknesses.
5. Understand your strengths.
I have learned that these 5 concepts capture almost everything that matters.
(And, men ARE like golden retrievers — feed ‘em, pat ‘em, throw a bone every so often, speak gently… that’s all that’s really needed.) Love you men!
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
9:55 am
PK Kadie loves the fact that her 1st cousins are like her siblings she truly embraces the difference and will let them know quick! lol
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
9:56 am
cool list lucinda!!!!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
June 28th, 2010
9:57 am
Lucinda – Good post. I concur.
PrincessNik....29 days and counting
June 28th, 2010
9:58 am
Lady J
same with lil mama, her dad’s side of the family is HUUUUUUUGE!!
his grandmother has about 15 kids, and each of them have at least 3 kids, and then the great grands child a family cook out is sooooo big its unreal.
PrincessNik....29 days and counting
June 28th, 2010
9:59 am
Lucinda
^5
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
9:59 am
family is priceless!!!!
AmazonRed™ - Good times
June 28th, 2010
10:03 am
It’s a personal choice, but I think most people don’t think of it in terms of being a personal choice.
If I had my choice, I would have done it younger. I didn’t want to be a baby mama tho. So single and childless it is.
I’m 32, but I’m seriously considering closing down the shop after 35+ if I am not married. Being a first time mom at 40 is not appealing to me. Having my kids graduating college as I’m filing for Social Security benefits is not appealing to me. Having my kids have to stop life in their prime to take care of my old ass is not appealing to me.
We’ll see what happens tho. If I do marry, the choice is not entirely mine.
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:03 am
i am watching black men revealed on tv one interesting show……..
JtJ
June 28th, 2010
10:05 am
@ Lady J/ Ared—Yeah, Dewayne said he was their cousin—He did a great job and full of energy!! Bobby was a hot mess, but he sang “Rock With You” and I was jumping up and down! Faith definitely did her thang!! That girl can sang!! I missed Donnell Jones…the shoe/ankle issue delayed me..Lol.
@Abc/Princess Nik…I am looking forward to being 46 and having all the kids out of the house!! Shoot, I believe that is when I will be able to enjoy and relax—for real!!
JtJ
June 28th, 2010
10:06 am
@ Lucinda…great post!!
And….HAPPT B-DAY WISE DIVA!!!! Enjoy your day!!
PrincessNik....29 days and counting
June 28th, 2010
10:07 am
didn’t want to be a baby mama tho.
@ ARed, me either but to this day I thank God for Divine intervention and stopping that wedding!
Having my kids graduating college as I’m filing for Social Security benefits is not appealing to me.
Amen to that! I’ve seen too many people “delay” retirment until their child graduates college and in some cases high school
Leggs
June 28th, 2010
10:07 am
What I have learned:
1. There will be haters throughout your life (esp. if you’re happy)
2. Find the silver lining in all things (sometimes, breakups need to happen)
3. You are not a product of your environment, rather a product of your expectations! Keep your expectations high and you’ll yield better results.
4. Love yourself!
5. Even when down, love yourself!
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:09 am
donnell was ok honey
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:09 am
yes indeed!
SlimOne
June 28th, 2010
10:10 am
Speaking of family, I was watching Brandy & Ray J’s show yesterday. It was about them going to their home town in Mississippi for a family reunion. Shole makes me want to get with my fam. I love times like that when everybody can relax, laugh, dance, play games (sack race, pie eating contest, karaoke, etc)….Makes me miss having dinner every night at the kitchen table with my folks.
AmazonRed™ - Good times
June 28th, 2010
10:10 am
JtJ – I missed Donnell Jones and Faith. Boo face got delayed with work.
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:14 am
ladies it was a very organized events with time and performances! it was a nice affair and the rain drops were cooling to the soul! I didn’t move my chair @ all! lol it was a beautiful night!
Cougar
June 28th, 2010
10:16 am
I learned that sometimes it takes a while to get to the right person,place or thing..and to not lose faith in my meantime.
Happy Bithday Wise Diva!
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2010
10:16 am
GHANA / Melo — How are you, my friend? Now that the U.S. is out, what little interest I have in the World Cup is now squarely behind Ghana. What do you think of their chances against Uruguay?
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:18 am
speaking of which the guy is 4 years younger and after having a few conersations I was no longer interested……maybe one day I will date younger but not any time soon……just chilling out……lol
mqew
June 28th, 2010
10:21 am
Primarily, I would remind or rather strongly advise, the 20’s me that, only what you do for Christ will last.
There would have been a lot of decision I would have made differently, obviously. It’s just that I’ve had marvelous and remarkable experiences serving God then serving my own agenda.
But hey, I guess I had my journey for reasons that include having that testimony. So, I won’t complain
JtJ
June 28th, 2010
10:21 am
@ Slim…I like family reunions,too…but it takes a lot to get our family together..almost too much.
Monique was 2-3 rows ahead of us…she looked so short. Sista got down during that MJ tribute, though. Security had to put a halt to all the people bombarding her for pics & autographs, though. The occassional breeze felt good and made it all good!! —They reall need to space the seats, though! I got tired of bumping the guy next me, we were shoulder to shoulder..uugghh!!
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:23 am
jtj i truly enjoyed the space on the law in no way was I going to sit on top of someone down there lolololol
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:25 am
meant lawn ok i need some breakfast! lol
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2010
10:28 am
Off topic (what else is new?): Serena & Sharapova are playing some big girl tennis. Knocking the yellow off the ball…
Oh, and c’mon, Wimbledon! How are you going to forget to send someone to tell the #2 seed that it’s time to go on court? And then the crowd boos Venus when she’s late? The tourney officials need to man up & apologize for their oversight. I’m not holding my breath, though…
JtJ
June 28th, 2010
10:29 am
@ Lady J…We said next time, we are definately getting lawn seats or the table seating.
They upgraded one lady and bet you she returned to her seat on the lawn after seeing how tight the seats were up front.
@Mqew…My relationship with Christ was definitely strengthened and developed during my 20’s. Although, I saw some crazy stuff going on the church, which kind of made me pull away from the church for a little while, I am gald I experienced it, so I would gain the spirit of discernment!
AmazonRed™ - Good times
June 28th, 2010
10:29 am
I was in the section behind JtJ’s. There was plenty of room in the seats there, Everyone must have moved down to the front. And I didn’t have to get sprinked on in the lawn area. It was perfect.
mqew
June 28th, 2010
10:35 am
JtJ – I was raised in the church… I was the kid that was ALWAYS there, and couldn’t attend school activities because of it; so I resented that. In turn, I spent my 20’s successfully avoiding my ‘call’…
It’s great you were able to embrace it that early…
Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)
June 28th, 2010
10:35 am
@ i’m swiss
i wanted to chime in on the World Cup. Ghana has speed and controls the midfield very well. I don’t think they will get much farther though, because Germany, Brazil, and Argentina (and probably the Netherlands) all have better strikers. My gut feeling is that Ghana will fall to Uruguay. Before the US game, all the goals thye scored were penalty kicks if I remember correctly.
Brazil is the favorite, but I’m betting on Germany.
HOPE
June 28th, 2010
10:38 am
I’ve learned that love has a mind of it’s own ~ not that we don’t chose who we love, but we have no control over if they chose to love us back. The man that I love has finally opened his heart to me and I’m scared…go figure.
Dirty Diana~1x for Chris Brown
June 28th, 2010
10:38 am
Hola!
wassup GHANA, I am, Lady J, and PK
The concert was on point. Faith did the darn thing!
On topic: In my 20’s I did not make a lot of foolish mistakes. I’ve always been the one to use common sense and logic. So, I don’t have any advice to give a your Diana. However there are other areas in my life that I wish I could have given myself advice on in my 20’s outside of dating. I accomplished a great deal of success in my 20’s, and looking back I would tell that young girl back then to play a little bit harder.
Leggs
June 28th, 2010
10:40 am
Sidebar @RandyT ~ I noticed your moniker last week and the innuendo I pick up is men are men and sheep are scared because these men are into beastiality. I know I’m warped, but was wondering what does your moniker actually mean?
CoolShadow
June 28th, 2010
10:41 am
@Lucinda – your 9:54 concepts were sharp.
I think your 20s are for learning about yourself, making mistakes in life and love while navigating through that part of your journey. You have to maintain a healthy balance of optimism, cynicism and second guessing without being extreme in any of those aspects. Hopefully in your 30s you can learn from the mistakes in your 20s and minimize them, thus capitalizing on your experience to guide you in the future.
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:42 am
Dirty Diana Chris was all that!!!!!!!! Hola to you too chica!
Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)
June 28th, 2010
10:43 am
@ leggs
That is what it means but only joking. No they are not into bestiality but there are a lot more sheep than pretty ladies in N. England. just a joke. never take me to seriouisly unless I say I am being serious…and then maybe 50% of the time.
Dirty Diana~1x for Chris Brown
June 28th, 2010
10:44 am
@Hope you are on point with this one. That is why I believe that timing has everything to do with love. I remember being a teenager and seeing this lady cry her eyes out while I was working at the airport. She had a few people around her, and she kept saying “falling in love was the worst thing I could have done, and everyone told her not too.” Apparently she was in the military or something and she would be thousands of miles away from her beloved. If timing would have been on their side who knows….
I’ve learned that love has a mind of it’s own ~ not that we don’t chose who we love, but we have no control over if they chose to love us back.
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:44 am
hope there is hope honey!!!!! good for you!
GHANA
June 28th, 2010
10:45 am
What do you think of their chances against Uruguay?
@Swiss??
they are playing some good carpet football(Ghana) but they dont have a potent strike force to pounce on half chances and make them count,esp in bigger stages like the world cup,where defences are tighter.So im not overly optimistic.
Im sad for the USA in some respects.Their patriotism is to be emulated as is their enthusiastic support base,all over america,africa included.That should help popularise the sport here.
But in a way im happy America are out. Their televsion commentaries are so ignorant and overly biased due their basketball and football experiences which make them whine everytime a referee makes a bad call.
Soccer fans the world over know that bad calls are part of the human experience otherwise reducing a soccer match to a baskeball/american football type, slow,stop and go type of scenario would make soccer such a caricature sport.
I was really tired of their whining..the tv sports castors (USA)..glad that their team is coming home.
Lady-learning is forever!
June 28th, 2010
10:45 am
amen with that quote!
It's me....lurker
June 28th, 2010
10:46 am
Place and keep God first and foremost….always! No matter the situation, circumstances, no matter the people or persons you’ve loved or love. He ALWAYS provides the right answers or guidance for navigating.
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2010
10:47 am
Randy — Speaking of that Germany game… How bad do the refs have to get before FIFA does something about it? That goal/non-goal in the UK/Germany game was horrendous! And then the no-call on the Argentina off-side. Oh wait, I guess FIFA is doing something — they’re no longer going to allow replays of the horrible calls in the stadium. Good work…
Dan - simply...
June 28th, 2010
10:48 am
@Hope
Be cautious, be brave, but most of all be true to yourself.
If he’s offered you himself (or a part of himself), the choice is yours whether or not to accept it. Do so fully informed though, know this man and know thyself.
Good luck!
(Oh, good morning folks! And congrats to CSC on her accomplishments!!)
It's me....lurker
June 28th, 2010
10:50 am
Sometimes when you want to be a blind idiot for “LOVE” it’s God that keeps and hold you in a place of “glad I didn’t” when reflecting back years later.
Leggs
June 28th, 2010
10:50 am
@RandyT ~ thanks. I thought so. Okay, more sheep than pretty women…got it!