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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: What have you learned

It’s great to be alive and well to see another birthday today! When I was younger I remember being in such a hurry to grow up and brag about my age. Now I pretty much dread it and try to avoid acknowledging how close to 40 I am getting *cough*.

I once wrote about what I would forewarn myself  about if I had a moment to speak with my “younger self”.  When thinking of everything I learned in my 20s about dating, sex, and relationships, what could I say? If you take all the pain and heartache away from our experiences, we probably would not be the same people.  What would you say to your younger self?

You know they say that we are the sum of all our experiences. I suppose that is true in many ways, but what lessons can we take from it all?

I have been writing here for 5 years and I have learned a great deal about love, relationships, and men from the dialogue we have here!  What have you learned?

Happy Monday & Happy Birthday to Moi!

622 comments Add your comment

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:36 pm

JP
The first step is STOP CALLING HER A GIRL, unless you are a child molester and she is under age. She is a WOMAN.

Unless you want her to call you a boy.

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:36 pm

pk I concur! lol

GHANA

June 28th, 2010
2:36 pm

Why don’t you lay down oN……………………………….. with this pillow under your hips

@PR??

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:37 pm

Lady J, so a woman should not have many problems unless she wants babies. LOL

Dan - simply...

June 28th, 2010
2:37 pm

@Professor

If I meet you and you don’t cook, don’t like cooking, don’t wanna know how to cook, am I not wrong for expecting that to change once we’re in “a relationship”?

If you’re dating a guy (and I happen to be one of them) that can only help and not “just listen”, then I need for you to respect that about me. Call ya homegirl and vent, or if you just wanna tell me, don’t be surprised if I respond to your diatribe with a blank stare. Telling me to listen is giving me keys to a car that I can’t drive.

But that’s the type of guy I am.

If you want a “just listen” type of dude; what you do. He can go shopping, to Sex and the City 3, and y’all can braid each other’s hair. I’m not that dude, and I expect my lady to know that about me and act accordingly.

And I’m not arrogant…just really self assured after years being proven correct. I’ll give you pompous though

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:37 pm

lucinda! i screamed! he likes his girl honey! lol

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:38 pm

huh wow okay………chuckle!

Dan - simply...

June 28th, 2010
2:39 pm

@JP,

Seems like you assessed your own problem, what the issue?

kimmie

June 28th, 2010
2:39 pm

As far as this “women only want a man to listen” stuff, I say handle that on an individual basis.

Personally, I fall into 2 camps with this. If I bring you a problem that I’ve already found a solution to, yeah I just want to vent. If I’m truly lost, yeah I want you to help me fix it. It’s hard for me to ask for help and that is something I’m working on. If you’re close to me and have been dealing with me for awhile, you know this already. So I will bring it to you in such a way that won’t be hard for you to figure out!

Where you will fall short with me is when I muster my pride and let my guard down and ask you, my man, for help and you have NOTHING to suggest or can’t even offer your support – you are USELESS!

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:40 pm

@Lady that’s a whole other issue now!! call 911, quickly

AmazonRed™ - Good times

June 28th, 2010
2:41 pm

JP – The quickest way to turn this blog to a topic you want to talk about is to ask for some “advice.” We’re suckers for telling other people what to do or what they’re doing wrong! :D

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:41 pm

Kym-Cancers Rock!!

June 28th, 2010
2:41 pm

@Dan ohh I know you weren’t but I thought it was funny. You were telling him to man up.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 28th, 2010
2:42 pm

I am going to have to check your DNA, because I think you are right.

Professor we need to go on the Maury show…lol

BlackMagicWoman is just “on” all of the time.

Funny you should mention that. :)

Professor, Sassy are a handful when you all decide to let go on someone.

As long as you stay in your lane…we cool like the other side of the pillow…

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:42 pm

Allow me to interject my knowledge on the topic at hand, as it has helped me in my relationship. If you want someone to just listen, (because men want an ear sometimes as well). We just say something ot the effect of. “I just need to vent” or “I don’t want you to say anything I just want you to hear me as I talk” this was after many arguments due to unsolicited advice. I always tell her if you tell me something really bad and I see it’s going to hurt you I still may comment but do not let that take away from me being just a shoulder to lean on.

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:43 pm

If I want my man to help find a solution, I will lead off with something like, “I wonder what you think about _______”, thus soliciting advice and suggestions. Otherwise, I’m just venting.

Simple system. It works.

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:43 pm

kimmie i agree and thanks for your breakdown! they lost me for a sec but know I get them both! lol

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:45 pm

I need some advice.

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:47 pm

Sassy, there is nothing wrong with a strong woman. I just know when someone types something you all are not going to pipe down and my comment about BlackMagicWoman was not derogatory or meant to be offensive. She just will probably be the first one to throw a punch if things go sour. LOL

AmazonRed™ - Good times

June 28th, 2010
2:47 pm

Lucinda…what you got. Your posts are usually on point so I’m sure whatever’s going on you already have it figured out.

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:48 pm

hmmmmmmmm PR…….listening is good really it is ok not be be needed to fix everything damn thing i think……..some people are paid to fix stuff but listenting sometimes is priceless…..patientce is a virtue by far….

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:48 pm

Lucinda, why don’t you lay down and put this pillow under your hips. LOL, just joking :)

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:49 pm

AmazonRed™ <–just proven right. See 2:41 p.m. :)

Dan - simply...

June 28th, 2010
2:49 pm

@Kimmie, Lucinda, et al.

Is all I’m saying. If I can’t help(ie you don’ want me to), I can’t really actively listen. So why do that to yourself or me?

And yeah Kimmie and PR, I know the difference, but when I vent, it’s just that and when I need help, it’s that. I don’t mix the two.

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:49 pm

PR mebbe later…

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 28th, 2010
2:49 pm

And I’m not arrogant…just really self assured after years being proven correct.

And that’s not arrogant.?..for real Dan pull your pocket ditionary out and look it up…then again maybe that’s the reason your relationshp is as awesomeas as it is…good for you puddin’…good for you. :)

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:50 pm

Lady J, I am man enough to know that I do not need to bottle stuff up and just talk sometimes. I do not turn into a cry baby, but some times I just want to be heard. NO HOMO, that used to be on here alot when I would blog something and then kind of answer my own question now I just talk to the Mrs since she is here full time :)

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:52 pm

PR never mind, didn’t know there was a mrs. LOL!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:52 pm

I love live entertainment! wow! just damn funny!

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:52 pm

Lucinda, no charge for therapy :) It is how I give back to society. LOL

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 28th, 2010
2:53 pm

She just will probably be the first one to throw a punch if things go sour.

That’s why I like her.

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:53 pm

Lucinda, she respects my work…just don’t tell her. LOL

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:53 pm

PR you are alright with me honey! we all want to be heard and want our feelings and assesssments and vents validated by the person that cares enough about us to liten without a screwed up face of “you are bothering me” per se! lol

Kym-Cancers Rock!!

June 28th, 2010
2:54 pm

Off-Topic but not really..apparently I perfectly capable of having long term relationships..not one..but two men who I can’t seem to shake have made guest appearances in my life in the past two weeks. Riddle me this men folks..why do you keep coming back? And don’t say cause we let you..cause I am being as horrible as I possible can short of kicking them in the family jewels and still…

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:54 pm

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:55 pm

pr you are funny you crossed my mind in my class last thursday! therapy rocks! the act of counseling is not giving advice it is listening and helping the peron apply their own way to cope with their current emotional state!

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

June 28th, 2010
2:55 pm

Sorry Dan, didn’t mean for you to get caught in target practice. It is one of those things that you are usually dayumed if you do and dayumed if you don’t.

Trevor0529

June 28th, 2010
2:56 pm

Happy Monday everybody!!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:56 pm

and that is meant to be “listen” for the skeptics! lol

Dan - simply...

June 28th, 2010
2:56 pm

@Professor

arrogant: “making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming; insolently proud”

I make no contention that I know anything about anything but Dan. I routinely post about and condition my comments with “things I have personally heard” or “I feel”, etc.

I can’t speak to but about 3 or 4 fields of study, careers, etc. becuase I’ve done them.

And yes, I’m quite arrogant about me, knowing me, and loving me. And thank you, my relationship is going along swimmingly.

Lucinda

June 28th, 2010
2:56 pm

PR <–no therapy for me thank you. Got a good man. Thanks for kind offer though :)

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
2:56 pm

Kym, just ignore them completely. If a man gets any reaction it is still a reaction.

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
2:57 pm

damn person that is I can’t type a lick…..lol

i'm swiss

June 28th, 2010
2:58 pm

Roddick’s out.

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

June 28th, 2010
2:58 pm

@ Kym

Not sure of this, but is one reason becasue men don’t like to lose, and they have this need to be the one who walks. just wondering. Me personally, I just accept it, wipe my eyes if no one is looking, and start looking ofr an upgrade. Why fight it. Never could understand that either frankly.

kimmie

June 28th, 2010
2:58 pm

If I can’t help(ie you don’ want me to), I can’t really actively listen.

I just don’t really get this, but do you, Dan.

Example – My SO got a call that a pipe burst while he was at work today. The water company had to shut off the water. He had to leave work and get a plumber over there. I’m not a plumber and don’t know of any good ones. He already has a plumber he has used before and does good work.

There is nothing I can do to fix this problem for my SO. So should I not be able to actively listen since I can’t do anything about it?

Purple Rain

June 28th, 2010
3:00 pm

Lucinda, well we are even. LOL. Seriously though I am happy you have a good man. Wedding Bells and kids on the way? (I am doing what these ladies did to me when they found out I had a woman) :)

Lady J, what was the subject of your class on Thursday?

GHANA

June 28th, 2010
3:00 pm

Riddle me this men folks..why do you keep coming back?

@Kym??

its positives all around you and in my estimation..means good potato salad on ur part! :lol: :lol:

U that good! :lol: :lol:

Randyt (is it Friday yet?)

June 28th, 2010
3:02 pm

@ JP

If you are still out there today, this “listen” controversy is where you can learn. A number of people have chimed in and there is enough information about how people feel to give you an idea of how to proceed. Watch the issues that have differing opinions and look for a concensus.

i'm swiss

June 28th, 2010
3:03 pm

Potato. Salad.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: