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Dating: What have you learned

It’s great to be alive and well to see another birthday today! When I was younger I remember being in such a hurry to grow up and brag about my age. Now I pretty much dread it and try to avoid acknowledging how close to 40 I am getting *cough*.

I once wrote about what I would forewarn myself  about if I had a moment to speak with my “younger self”.  When thinking of everything I learned in my 20s about dating, sex, and relationships, what could I say? If you take all the pain and heartache away from our experiences, we probably would not be the same people.  What would you say to your younger self?

You know they say that we are the sum of all our experiences. I suppose that is true in many ways, but what lessons can we take from it all?

I have been writing here for 5 years and I have learned a great deal about love, relationships, and men from the dialogue we have here!  What have you learned?

Happy Monday & Happy Birthday to Moi!

622 comments Add your comment

Kym-Cancers Rock!!

June 28th, 2010
8:15 am

Good Morning All,

Happy Birthday Shout out Wisey D! My fellow cancer! This topic falls in right on time, because I just had the best weekend at my 20 year class reunion. I have to say I am not fighting 40..I am embracing each new year because I swear they just get better with time. Because we are the sum of our experiences I have to say I truly would trade nothing for my journey. If I could offer my past me any advice it would be to continue to test and challenge myself..don’t let fear rule the day. Listen more, Laugh alot, and inspite of it all Love Always. I have no clue how long I have been blogging here..but I have to say I have learned more about myself in the past 3 years than I have about men..frankly I think they are the weaker and more confusing sex..talk about a mystery wrapped in a riddle..but i digress.

I am whatever you say I am

June 28th, 2010
8:18 am

Morning!!!!

What have I learned?

Well…..I’ve learned to slow it down…

That’s all I wrote…….

I am whatever you say I am- Cancers May Rock but Scorpio Run This Ish!!!!!

June 28th, 2010
8:19 am

“….better to have love then to never have loved at all….”

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:27 am

Good Morning Good People!!!!!!!!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:32 am

I am learning how to embrace LOVE, PEACE, & HAPPINESS!!!!!!!

Learning rocks! Self-learning is ongoing!!!!!!! I am learning logic is sexier than amotions!!!!!

Think= (T)hinking (H)ard (I)NSPIRES (N)ew (K)nowledge!!!!!!

Thinking is COOL baby and we have to think before we act!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:32 am

dammit EMOTIONS that is!

logic is sexier than emotions! geesh! lol

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:36 am

Happy Birthday Wise Diva!!!!!!! It has been a great 5 years blogging with MIA!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:38 am

~Confidence is sexy, Awareness is key~

discipline and awareness brings new results……..I am trying it out and it is sustaining even at my darkest hour! be true to who you are…….your values are important and shouldn’t be comprimised if you don’t want to comprimise your worth!

I am whatever you say I am- Cancers May Rock but Scorpio Run This Ish!!!!!

June 28th, 2010
8:41 am

Sup Lady!!!!

PrincessNik....29 days and counting

June 28th, 2010
8:42 am

Good Morning!

I would tell my younger self plenty! Mainly:
_ don’t waste time on situations that will not be beneficial to you. I mean emotionally, spiritually etc…

_ If you have to MAKE It work leave it alone!

_ always stand on who you are,

_ don’t be so in love with having somebody in the light that you overlook what’s done in the dark

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:44 am

waving @ I Am!!!!!!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:45 am

~~~~ Instead of playing the “right-wrong” game, honor the variety of life strategies. Your path isn’t for anyone but you.

Do you but be responsible, logical, and learn through each encounter to forever be a better person for better results…….the power in change lies within you not society!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:48 am

~Every season has a reason. Whether they stayed or walked away – they helped make me who I am today.~

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:49 am

ok ladies yalll truly know LEO’S RRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK It DAILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t get it twisted! LMBAO! ok back to blogging! -Lady Lioness!

SlimOne

June 28th, 2010
8:53 am

Good morning ALL…um Lady J…exactly how many cups of coffee or red bull have you had this morning? lol

Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 28th, 2010
8:54 am

Scorpios corner the passion (and maybe bring the freak a little too).

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:56 am

lmbao randy don’t get her started!!!!!1 lol

slim this is natrual honey Iam still sitting in the bed and hadn’t touch the floor! lol

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
8:59 am

When u start BEING it, you’ll start SEEING it—————practice, practice, practice! with learning you have to practice what is being taught!

PrincessNik....29 days and counting

June 28th, 2010
9:00 am

um Lady J…exactly how many cups of coffee or red bull have you had this morning?

:lol: I was wondering the same thing, guess that what a restful weekend will do for you ;)

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:04 am

PK you ALREADY know it was STRESS FREE, DRAMA FREE, Good girlfriends makes the journey great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:04 am

~To be a star, u must shine your own light, follow your own path, & blaze a trail thru the darkness~

SlimOne

June 28th, 2010
9:05 am

’slim this is natrual honey Iam still sitting in the bed and hadn’t touch the floor!’

All I can say is WOW! You might want to bottle that ‘Natural honey’ and start selling it. I sure could use an extra shot in my cup of joe right about now. (That’s what 3 days of Dark Chocolate will do to ya) :mrgreen:

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:09 am

Let the past go and let your future come from now – the present moment—————–currently in progress! wonder why we or me give the past so much power????? hmmmmmmmmmmm

slowly regaining my power! Girl Power Rocks!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:10 am

Slim you know i am a busy buzzing bee that is me!!!!! chile please you got a sistah thinking how to patent my stuff bc it is sweet! LMBAO SILLY! girl stop cutting up too damn early! LOL

PrincessNik....29 days and counting

June 28th, 2010
9:12 am

Lady J

right now you need the reverse of a 5-hour energy LOL. Slow down my friend ;) I have been at work for 3 hours and still haven’t worked up to that energy level LOL.

Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 28th, 2010
9:13 am

Kym re: “frankly I think they are the weaker and more confusing sex”.

Whoever claimed different? I agree that men are weaker (more needy), but confusing…back up the bus there, ladies hold all records for that category. Men are like Labrador Retrievers, simple and loyal. Just feed them, pat them on the head once in awhile, and talk nice, and they will follow you anywhere and jump thru every hoop.

Now women on the other hand, even confuse themselves.

PrincessNik....29 days and counting

June 28th, 2010
9:14 am

back up the bus there

:lol: :lol:

Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 28th, 2010
9:15 am

@ Kym…oh and one other thing, just playing with ya

:-)

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:17 am

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.-Carrie SATC

JtJ

June 28th, 2010
9:19 am

Suprinsingly, my vision in my 20’s about dating, relationships, have not changed that much…I knew then that marriage was something that I wanted and even after a failed marriage, I dusted myself out and got back out there. No relationship can sustain when there is no direct communication and honesty about feelings and emotions. It can only stay bottled up for so long until it blows the lid off…LITERALLY!!

I would have told my 20-something to slow down and go ahead focus on school more than trying to be this-do-it-all-for-my-husband type wife! No relationship means you have to lose focus of yourself and who you are.

Everything we go through in life, we should learn something from, be it good or bad. I take everything as a learning experience and seek to find a different, better way to do it!

Side note: I learned my dang lesson Sat @ The ATL Summer Jam when I hurt my ankle wearing these silver heels before we even made it to our seat!! The concert was GREAT nonetheless!!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:19 am

girl I am glad to be on vacation for real now!!!!!! I said I wasn’t going to do anything today of importance….lol……lil mama has been gone and I have just been enjoying doing nothing…..I can’t contain my energy honey I will direct it other places if it is too much here lolololololol………glad is all is well with ya!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:20 am

JTJ is was a great concert honey!!!! I truly enjoyed it!!!!!

i'm swiss

June 28th, 2010
9:25 am

“Scorpios corner the passion (and maybe bring the freak a little too).”

Randy — You a scorpio, too? We do tend to have potent — ahem — stingers… :lol:

Kym-Cancers Rock!!

June 28th, 2010
9:26 am

@RandyT I know you are joking…I am still smiling about the great weekend I have.

Chink

June 28th, 2010
9:27 am

Morning! I have learned alot about myself every year… but my greatest lesson is how resilient I am. It has given me great confidence.

The blog has been more of a form of entertainment for me..everyone has an opinion but the bottom line you have to do what is right for you no matter what everyone thinks or says!

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:30 am

chink good post!

Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 28th, 2010
9:31 am

Yup I’m swiss, textbook Scorpio. Was in a relationship with another Scorpio too for two years. Burned each other out eventually. Too much passion, a hint of jealousy, and way too much deep thinking ;-)

Leggs

June 28th, 2010
9:32 am

Good morning. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WD. EMBRACE EACH YEAR. EVERY YEAR IS A BEAUTIFUL YEAR. TRULY!!!

I’m pretty much the same as I was in my 20’s. I didn’t really throw caution to wind. I had my fun, but was careful on most fronts. I have learned:

1. To love myself first.
2. Laugh a lot
3. This too will pass (don’t make yourself sick over a situation)
4. People will disappoint you
5. Love yourself FIRST!

AmazonRed™ - Good times

June 28th, 2010
9:33 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISE DIVA Thanks for all you do to keep me entertained from 9 – 5! :) Have a great birthday.

Truth be told, the mistakes I made in my 20s are still the mistakes I make today. I’m still head strong, I’m still a flight risk, I still stick around when a guy isn’t sure about what he wants out of a relationship, I still have low tolerance for stuff when it doesn’t go my way. I think I’m better at articulating my feelings and not getting caught up in emotions. However, I see a common theme with the guys I date and the issues they face, so it can’t be all them it must be me.

Don’t think I’ll ever have it figured out til I’m off the market for good. :)

SlimOne

June 28th, 2010
9:36 am

‘4. People will disappoint you’

Leggs – this is still a hard one for me to adapt to at times…but a work in progress I am. ;-)

i'm swiss

June 28th, 2010
9:36 am

Randy — Yeah, I can see how that could burn you out… Never actually been in a relationship with another scorpio, but I have had some freaky phluck-fests with a couple… :-) :lol: My apologies to the blog censors, but there’s just no other way to accurately describe it… :lol:

Lady-learning is forever!

June 28th, 2010
9:37 am

yep leggs we can’t avoid disappointments in others or ourselves….it happens but keeping it moving makes it bearable!

Ared your post is real talk! good one!

i'm swiss

June 28th, 2010
9:37 am

BTW…. Happy B-day, Wise. You don’t look a day over 25 — in my mental picture of you, anyway. ;-)

Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 28th, 2010
9:39 am

Happy Birthday WD, the blog has been a trip, and you are responsible, thanks.

@ ARED …on a serious note, you bring up a very good point that should be noted by all when you said “it can’t be all them it must be me”. When we (and I mean me also) find ourselves in repeated situations, it is a hard but necessary thing to ask, “what is the common denominator here???”. A fact of life is that the person in the mirror IS the common denominator. We are where we CHOSE to be almost always, consciously or subconsciously.

Again, I mean me also.

abc

June 28th, 2010
9:40 am

I don’t think it’s really a matter of gaining wisdom through aging such that you could advise your younger self and get a response of anything but ‘yeah, whatever!’. People in their 20’s that aren’t after settling down and commitment are certain not to find it.

Some people start their families earlier in life. It has the result of kids being well out of the house by the time you’re 45-50. At that point, it’s like getting your life back. You have the means and health to enjoy it. A lot.

Others put off starting a family to have fun being single and unencumbered in their youth, before they perceive they’d be too old to have fun. They put off starting a family until they’re 35-40, and then they have kids in the house until they’re 60-65.

It’s a personal choice, but I think most people don’t think of it in terms of being a personal choice. They consider that no matter which path they choose, it’s simply the way it is for them. I took the former path. I’m glad I did! I get to enjoy my kids as adults, something that those who wait are unlikely to be able to do.

MW39

June 28th, 2010
9:41 am

Happy Birthday ! I’d tell my younger self that God loves me. I didn’t have an understaning of that until way late.

Enjoy your Birthday :)

Leggs

June 28th, 2010
9:42 am

Yes, WD, thank you for moderating this blog site. It has been entertaining, as well as thought provoking.

Kym-Cancers Rock!!

June 28th, 2010
9:42 am

I would just like to say that blogging with you guys truly keeps me from going bonkers at work. Between this blog and my podcast..lives are being saved.

Randyt (home from the land where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 28th, 2010
9:42 am

@ abc Good post. My story also. My kids are now my best friends, and that is great.

PrincessNik....29 days and counting

June 28th, 2010
9:47 am

abc

great post!, I don’t feel so bad now. My daughter will be 22 when I turn 45, and at this point i’m really weary about having another child for the reason you mentioned:

“it’s like getting your life back. You have the means and health to enjoy it. A lot”

I am always aware of the fact that if i do get married, that because I already have a child (and possibly he will also) that alone time some couples have right after marriage won’t be an option for us, we would have to get it on the “backside” when the kids are grown and gone.