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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Dealing with your past

My apologies for the late blog post! I hope you are as ready for the weekend as I am! Happy Friday!

I don’t know if I will ever understand men completely.  Dating can be like this crazy ongoing education of human behavior, and male behavior is my major (or minor?).    Since  I have mainly been dating younger men lately,  I am trying to meet and date men older than 40.  Call it my something new for summer.

I had a lively debate with my guy of interest the other day.  He is older than I am so we were sort of recounting our past relationships and experiences.  He made some comment about his last girlfriend and the reason they broke up.  It had something to do with a surprising revelation about her that he discovered after a year of dating her.  He wouldn’t tell me what it was specifically but he said that it was because of what she had done in the past.

Well that sort of made me pause a bit. I was wondering if he was that overly critical and judgmental type of guy.  You know the type that goes over your past with a fine tooth comb and “vets” you like you are about to be his running mate in a presidential election? Yeah, that’s annoying.

We all have “a past” because we are living and breathing humans, not mannequins.   I think having “skeletons” in the closet gets blown out of proportion.  Let’s put it into perspective: What kind of past would warrant a break up?  Would you break up with someone because they did not tell you about it?

Do you think we are understanding enough of a person’s past? Do we use it as yet another excuse not to commit to a relationship? Discuss!

382 comments Add your comment

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:14 pm

Infamous, I understand your 12:13 fully.

i'm swiss

June 25th, 2010
12:15 pm

@ PR — There are always exceptions & it sounds like you are one. But I play the odds. And the odds are that most people are what they are & don’t every substantively change.

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:15 pm

Leggs, I do not understand your last blog entry?

Melo

June 25th, 2010
12:16 pm

But got real disturbed after about 6 months when she just was sooooo freaky out the clear blue.

@Dig That/Leggs!

it does not help women,esp..in the dating game to be naive. Nice girls get benched for exactly those reasons.. and yes men have fragile egos, wont admit it and it still ends up ur(female) loss if u dont recognize game,esp if u wanna be married or in longterm relaship.

Unless dude is a professional porn star!

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:16 pm

Swiss, I understand what you are saying. I think as people mature they learn from their past mistakes if the experience was traumatic enough.

Dig That

June 25th, 2010
12:18 pm

@PR- That is probably why we understand why second chances are so important when you embrace and change.

@DK- Still applies bruh. My little cuz I was talking about is 35. Sometimes we have to let them fall apart. Everybody can’t appreciate wisdom.

Melo

June 25th, 2010
12:19 pm

Coming to their rescue, being the knight in shining armour

@Mdot!!

i wldnt have the resources,even if i wanted to.

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:20 pm

Dig That, I agree.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

June 25th, 2010
12:22 pm

Dig – Yeah you right..

Willie Dynamite

June 25th, 2010
12:25 pm

DK – 12:13 Exactly my man, exactly.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 25th, 2010
12:25 pm

The world would be a much simpler place for women AND men, if women could go to Walgreens and get a new hymen before each relationship…and say “see, honey, you are the ONLY one”.

:lol: :lol:

we want the freaks to show their freakiness not from jump but slowly so much so that it appears(comouflaged) as if I helped her develop it

Typical….

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:27 pm

I could careless about the guy but I thought this was funny

“I wanna rock with you’, but you ‘wanna be startin something’ and that’s why I told you to ‘beat it’. I can’t help but ‘remember the times’ when you were my ‘PYT’ and I miss you ‘Billie Jean’ but I’m Ok cause ‘I’m bad’….”

Leggs - U Wanna Be Starting Something

June 25th, 2010
12:32 pm

@PR ~ was just commenting on your prison time. You’ve always stated you family and Julia gave you second chances and believed in you when you didn’t. You may have revealed prison here before, but it’s the first I’m reading it. No sweat! I fully understand your willingness to give second chances in certain areas. Kudos!

Liked your song story!

@InfamousD ~ 30….CLICK (J/K)

Kym-Living off the Wall

June 25th, 2010
12:34 pm

@swiss she is all about working to prevent domestic violence now..

@Purple Rain I am 38 why? OH lawd..whateva joker!

@Melo…sounds to me like dudes encourge a chick to lie to them..”Dont spring it all on me at once..”

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:36 pm

Leggs, oh I thought you were on the here when it was discussed, I never try and hide it from anyone. When I was dating I would let the prospects know early :) LOL, In my mind I always thought I was still a “catch” LOL

I’m on a horse. :)

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:39 pm

Kym, 38 and you started at say age 17 having sex. So you should have no more than 21 sexual partners in your pas with at +/-3 tolerance

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
12:39 pm

Dig That

June 25th, 2010
12:39 pm

Protect ur horse. I was reading yesterday about a dude getting arrested for having sex with SEVERAL horses yesterday. Very disturbing.

Kym-Living off the Wall

June 25th, 2010
12:40 pm

@PurpleRain..I lost my virginity right after my 16th birthday.

i'm swiss

June 25th, 2010
12:41 pm

Dig — Yeah, I saw that horse story the other day… What I wanna know (and what the article I read didn’t say) is… was he pitching or catching??? :lol:

Melo

June 25th, 2010
12:42 pm

encourge a chick to lie to them..”Dont spring it all on me at once

@Kym??

I disagree..coz i wldnt want to disclose evething to my new partner either..not lying per se.. if my ex was better than my current in bed,wld i be obligated to disclose to her that fact just for disclosure(honesty?) sake??

some things are not good for the psyche..they dont bolster confidence in the person that they are disclosed to..so let sleeping dogs lie.

Sex is proly one thing thats high up there on a man’s psyche/ego watchlist. Another is the kids.

Never tell a man,even in jest/anger,that this kid is not urs! Bad call!

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 25th, 2010
12:42 pm

Harpo who dis woman….

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

June 25th, 2010
12:46 pm

Man we grown if you freaky be freaky cause if I find out you lying and holding out on me you gone.. I can deal with a honest chick without a doubt.. But a fake a$$ 3 dollar bill.. I cant dont nothing wit ya..

Dig That

June 25th, 2010
12:46 pm

@swiss- Ain’t no dayum telling. If you sick enough to pitch you might be crazy enough to catch. But he would probably have to take a trip to the hospital before jail if was catching too. Lol

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 25th, 2010
12:47 pm

What’s is going on tonight women of the blog world? Who’s want a drink BIG DADDY LURKER is buying! YEA BABY! :wink:

@Randy….I would have thought damm this is gonna go down in the car,I don’t have to use the Mary Jane tonight! YEAHHHHHH

@Do not hold your freak side from me, I want to see all you moves, skills and tricks with-in the first week of SEXING……..Don’t stop till you get enough! HE,HE,HE! YEAAAA BABY! :wink:

Leggs - Remember the Time

June 25th, 2010
12:49 pm

@DigThat ~ you beat me to the punch re the horse and the dude!

Leggs - Remember the Time

June 25th, 2010
12:50 pm

Great, Remember the Time is playing…love this song!

i'm swiss

June 25th, 2010
12:51 pm

DK — To me, not all illegal activities are created equal. Personally, I don’t even think drugs should be illegal in the first place, so I don’t necessarily think of drug dealers as bad people, even though they are doing something illegal. (Hell, I’ve smoked my share of weed in my day, so I’ve broken that law, too.) But when you start talking about a past of violence… to me that speaks more to a person’s character than whether or not they ever broke the civil law — and it’s character that’s tough to change…

Leggs - Beat It

June 25th, 2010
12:55 pm

@Im swiss ~ exactly. One may not repeat that particular crime, but if your character hasn’t developed, you’re stuck and more than likely WILL repeat. Take Joran van der Sloot!!!!

kitty kat

June 25th, 2010
12:57 pm

Leroy…That’s an older name and your response is more telling. Sorry, is probably even more telling. I just have found that my experience with younger guys have been more exciting, I have learned more new things with a younger guy in that area. Old guys, know what they know, and do the same things they always do. At least the few I’ve tried. Maybe, that isn’t how you may be but that has been my experience.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

June 25th, 2010
12:58 pm

Swiss – Ok You have a point..

Leggs – Joran is getting his just desserts.. He is now “The Clowns” Sex Slave. Trujillo aka The Clown is/was one of Columbias most notorious Hitmen. He did work for the Cartels..

Melo

June 25th, 2010
12:58 pm

I don’t necessarily think of drug dealers as bad people, even though they are doing something illegal.

@Swiss??

i hear what u saying ..do u think there is/shld be a distinction tween Big time dealers as opposed to small time??

Big time dealers easily transition to murders in my view, es when the stakes get bigger!

Am i wrong??

AmazonRed™ - Ready to groove

June 25th, 2010
12:58 pm

Nobody is going to get approached by a 45 year old man or meet a 45 year old woman and just assume that they are so lucky,that man/woman has been waiting all his lyfe just for her/him!

I’m not? :(

Melo

June 25th, 2010
12:59 pm

Dig That

June 25th, 2010
12:59 pm

@Leggs- We live in a crazy world homie.

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
1:02 pm

I have it in me but I know I wont resort back to violence nor dealing in drugs. :) Have a great weekend :)

‘a presto’

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 25th, 2010
1:04 pm

@Infamous…..I think Kym might fit your picture….38 plus with a little wear the tread and has a lot of miles to go! YEA BABY…..
Now Leggs is in retread mode and is ready the to use her michelin tiger treads on somebody….Leggs is going to tear up somebody very soon!!!!!!!

@I see Kitty Kat is getting that old puddy turned upside down by the young bucks. Go head Kitty Kat do yo thing! :wink:
@Kitty Kat what age range are you talking about when you say old guys?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

June 25th, 2010
1:07 pm

Kitty – See the difference with a Seasoned Dude is this.. They know what you are off top.. A youngsta cant see ya.. I dont consider myself old but I definitely aint a youngsta.. Im at that right age where I’ll beat ya back out and I mos def know the difference between a jumpoff and a lady.. And as far as you learning from young dudes speak volumes of you.. You waited late to start really jumpin off and that you can only handle young dudes.. I aint Baby Boy.. Im Melvin.. How you want ya Eggs?

Purple Rain

June 25th, 2010
1:07 pm

Melo, you are very right and once again I am thankful for second chances.

‘ciao

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

June 25th, 2010
1:09 pm

Purp – Wheres Carlito?

Kym-Living off the Wall

June 25th, 2010
1:10 pm

Clowns to the right of me..jokers to the left..

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2010
1:10 pm

and it’s character that’s tough to change…
Swiss I agree that people’s character almost never changes. Their circumstances may change, but the underlying character generally doesn’t. There’s this dude I grew up with. He always had a reputation as a grimy, shady type character. Always looking for the next scheme or person to hustle. I ran into him years later in LA, and he was clean cut, well-spoken, running his own real estate financing business…seemed to have done a complete turn-around. Not too long after that, he was busted for being involved in some shady real estate transactions. Different circumstances, same character.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 25th, 2010
1:11 pm

Alright nah Kym…

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2010
1:15 pm

and it’s character that’s tough to change…
Swiss I agree that people’s character almost never changes. Their circumstances may change, but the underlying character generally doesn’t. There’s this dude I grew up with. He always had a reputation as a shady type character. Always looking for the next scheme or person to hustle. I ran into him years later in LA, and he was clean cut, well-spoken, running his own real estate financing business…seemed to have done a complete turn-around. Not too long after that, he was busted for being involved in some shady real estate transactions. Different circumstances, same character.

Sassy Me...You know I'm BAD :-)

June 25th, 2010
1:16 pm

I aint Baby Boy.. Im Melvin.. How you want ya Eggs?

!!!!!!!!!!

I like mine scrambled but not too hard daddy :wink:

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2010
1:17 pm

and it’s character that’s tough to change…
Swiss I agree that people’s character almost never changes. Their circumstances may change, but the underlying character generally doesn’t. There’s this dude I grew up with. He always had a reputation as a grimy type character. Always looking for the next scheme or person to hustle. I ran into him years later in LA, and he was clean cut, well-spoken, running his own real estate financing business…seemed to have done a complete turn-around. Not too long after that, he was hemmed up for being involved in some illegal real estate transactions. Different circumstances, same character.

Brooklyn Mint

June 25th, 2010
1:17 pm

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2010
1:18 pm

and it’s character that’s tough to change…
Swiss I agree that people’s character almost never changes. Their circumstances may change, but the underlying character generally doesn’t. There’s this cat I grew up with. He always had a reputation as a grimy type character. Always looking for the next scam or person to get over on. I ran into him years later in LA, and he was clean cut, well-spoken, running his own real estate financing business…seemed to have done a complete turn-around. Not too long after that, he was hemmed up for being involved in some illegal real estate transactions. Different circumstances, same character.

DreamsMaterialize

June 25th, 2010
1:20 pm

LET MY POST THROUGH BLOG FILTER!

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

June 25th, 2010
1:20 pm

I was in Macon, Georgia about 3 weeks and I heard a load voice screaming out the name Sassy, Oh Sassy! Conclusion…. You best be ready because Sassy will make you scream. ISLAND GURL

What it do Dirty Diana? :wink: