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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating politics: Wise Diva goes to Washington

On Friday, I flew to Washington, DC last week to attend a really unique conference called the Blogging While Brown conference. I did not know what to expect because I had never been to a blogging conference.  I knew it would be interesting when I received a cryptic email that some conference attendees would have a chance to speak to White House staff members at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building I pretty much became a basket case from that moment.

We had a chance to meet with Corey Ealons, Director of African American Media and Coordinator of Special Projects and  Jesse Lee, Online Programs Director.  They were both very kind and engaging and we had a great discussion about politics, education, technology, etc.

They talked about the need for people to become more involved in the political process and the national discussion using various forums and platforms online, especially through whitehouse.gov.  A lot of people don’t feel as if they have a voice or influence on what goes on in our country. This site provides an outlet to engage and interact with the policymakers.

It made me think about how much our politics make up who we are.  I certainly learned a lot about myself and my friends in the last presidential election.  I think it definitely becomes a  part of how we view potential partners as compatible or not.

Do you think the politics and dating relationships should mix?  Would you be brave enough to bring up a hot button political topic when you are on a date?

I can recall being on a date with a white guy who made some pretty provocative statements about black women and politics.  I have to admit that it made me gun shy for a long time about dating outside my race.  Do you think that our politics have to match in order for us to date successfully?

241 comments Add your comment

Stirrin-ItUp

June 22nd, 2010
8:08 am

Several points:

1. I think you should at least have a basic understanding of each other’s politics. There are some things that will eventually have to be talked about.

2. No, your politics do not have to match. Some people with similar politics seems to get along quite well, some people with vastly differing political ideas seem to get along quite well.

3. I’m sorry that this guy’s political beliefs made you gun shy. In an ideal world we can talk politics without having to be in each other’s faces about it.

4. “Director of African American Media and Coordinator of Special Projects” Is this a real position? Conversely, how much anger would there be if the White House created a position called “Director of Caucasian American Media and Coordinator of Special Projects”?

anonymousella

June 22nd, 2010
8:43 am

@stirrin-itup: re #4: it’s called ‘the white house press secretary.’ or just accept that messages are crafted differently for different audiences. what may resonate with *you* does not resonate with everybody. it’s no different than any other form of advertising.

that said, your politics = your values. in a long-term relationship, values compatibility is important. but even in the dating stage, it’s key. i want to be able to enjoy dinner and not want to throat punch my date. i can’t do that if i am dating a conservative. there are very, very few policy points on which we’d agree. and the driving principle behind conservative ideology and policy (’strict father’ as george lakoff put it) is one i can’t really get with. i, frankly, don’t understand how carville and matalin do it.

so i say all of that to say: yeah. your political leanings are important (to me) in a relationship. (reason #217 why i’m marrying the finance.)

Stirrin-ItUp

June 22nd, 2010
9:11 am

@anonymousella: “i want to be able to enjoy dinner and not want to throat punch my date. i can’t do that if i am dating a conservative”

Are you saying that you want to harm conservatives? Whether you agree with a person politically, or not, it shouldn’t drive you to violence.

Also, I don’t mind the position at all. I’m jsut thinking that, if we live in a post-racial society, as I was actually told Obama would usher in, why is it necessary to have Black Entertainment Television, a Miss Black America pageant, a Director of African American Media, a congressional Black Caucus. There is a National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, but I don’t foresee there ever being an NAAWP. Just sayin’…

DreamsMaterialize

June 22nd, 2010
9:26 am

I like to be able to discuss politics and current events with my dates, but I generally try to keep it light at first. The overall objective of a date for me is to get to know someone while having fun. Many women just aren’t that interested in politics, and that would make a date boring for them. Boring for them is boring for me. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and resort to talking about Lil’ Wayne going to jail. lol

Conversely, how much anger would there be if the White House created a position called “Director of Caucasian American Media and Coordinator of Special Projects”?
Stirrin A special title isn’t needed for such a position because generally all media is Caucasian American Media.

(reason #217 why i’m marrying the finance.)
anonymousella You’re marrying the money? Sounds like a conservative move to me. ;-)

DreamsMaterialize

June 22nd, 2010
9:40 am

why is it necessary to have Black Entertainment Television, a Miss Black America pageant,
Stirrin Let’s invert the situation for a moment. Suppose ALL television was Black Enteratainment Television, almost every channel. Imagine that in the media your views and circumstances were either never discussed or misrepresented when they were (probably due to lack of white producers and writers). I’d wager my salary that in that scenario, it wouldn’t take long for a White Entertainment Television to evolve. Consider the same for a Miss America Pageant where 98% of the contestants were black. All that said, BET is only there because nothing else is. It doesn’t represent quality programming and caters to a certain not-so-positive cross section of AA society.

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
9:41 am

DreamsM I am happy you are here. Good Morning, do you mind making me a bloody mary? :wink:

A special title isn’t needed for such a position because generally all media is Caucasian American Media. Right On!

On topic: I like dates that flow, and I hate getting stuck debating a topic or an issue on a date. Especially the first few dates. I like to talk and have fun. I spend 60 plus hours a week being intelligent, so if I am out on a date, hanging with the girls or blogging I am going to cut a fool. :evil: :grin:

Stirrin-ItUp

June 22nd, 2010
9:43 am

Annnndddd… no one’s concerned that anonymousella wants to throat punch their date?

kimmie

June 22nd, 2010
9:55 am

Morning beautiful blog people!

I recently asked my SO would he date me if I was politically conservative. He said that in itself would not count me out, but we just would not vibe well and have as much in common. We discuss political events all the time and it helps that we agree.

Every conservative I know I have to tip-toe around and avoid certain subjects. I refuse to do that in my personal life, so no, couldn’t deal with it. It’s the same to me as dating someone of a radically different religion. Converting me ain’t gonna happen!

kimmie

June 22nd, 2010
9:58 am

Funny, as soon as Wise introduces a topic that has any mention of politics and especially the current administration, folks come out of the woodwork to our little dating blog.

Leggs

June 22nd, 2010
10:02 am

Good morning.

I too agree that you don’t have to be on the same political bandwagon as your date, but you don’t want to be too far to the left from their views. More than likely, not too many more dates will ensue.

Not concerned about wanting to throat punch her date…not at all.

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:05 am

no one’s concerned that anonymousella wants to throat punch their date?

Hmmmm, why should I care, I am not dating anonymousella?

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:08 am

On topic: During the presidential elections, I found myself not interested in guys that could not or would not keep up with the election. Even with the City of Atlanta mayoral race I felt the same way. Not sharing the same views is one thing, but the bigger issue is someone not having a view IMO.

Stirrin-ItUp

June 22nd, 2010
10:09 am

As apparently one of the few conservatives who even bothers with the AJC anymore, I’d like to say that hate that you have to tip-toe around other conservatives. But, by the same token, there are several libs that I have to tip-toe around daily.

Poppa Grande

June 22nd, 2010
10:09 am

There is no problem in wanting to throat punch a date, the problem comes if she actually does it. That is called battery. Or could get upgraded to Assault and Battery.

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2010
10:09 am

Wise Diva, I don’t think the issue was dating out of your race with the “white guy” who made the comments towards you, it was his political views. I really do not care what a persons political party is. I vote somethings conservative and some things liberal. My main issue is that we both serve the same God, other than that, everything else is tolerable. Like abortions, I believe in them my wife doesn’t. I think if you do not want the child, have an abortion, she totally disagrees. I love her very much, even though we have different views. In essence, politics should not be a deal breaker when dating, they are not your “code” of life and I think if that is all you have to talk to your mate about there are other issues that need to be handled.

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2010
10:11 am

Professor, what if he did not live in Atlanta and voted in another district, like Dawsonville? LOL

Melo

June 22nd, 2010
10:13 am

I wld date a person with different political views as long as their passion and debate style is not so adversarial as to invoke images of a palestinian against an Israeli type thing.

I wld not date a hard core lefty liberal or hard core right winger who are so gung ho in their positions and mouthings that they dont see rhyme or reason or take and debate politics in a Third world uncivilized kinda way/ level.

Queen likes Ryan Cameron, I like Frank skeezie but we bang like crawzzy! :lol:

Accomodations people..cheer up..

and Good morning folks!

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:14 am

@Purple Rain- how are ya’?

Even if he voted in another district the city of Atlanta politics impact territory outside of the city. I vote in another district and I keep up. It is call being a lifelong learner, and knowing current events. Usually I will bring up something else to test the water. Although I am very diverse and intelligent I like dating a man that can keep up and hold his own.

kimmie

June 22nd, 2010
10:14 am

But, by the same token, there are several libs that I have to tip-toe around daily.

And we should care because?

I do so at work and other places I HAVE to be at because it’s the classy thing to do and you don’t discuss politics in polite company.

But at home, all bets are off. I won’t have views I don’t believe in shoved down my throat. The cable company may as well remove FOX from our cable listing!

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2010
10:14 am

There is no problem with thinking about throat punching a date in the throat? Even if she does not do it but did indeed express that thought to her date I would imagine there would be an issue. “Carl, I should just punch you in the throat!” That would be our last date, she would probably have to pay for her own meal and get a ride home. LOL, Poppa Grande would that be a terroristic threat if someone said that to another person?

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2010
10:18 am

Professor, I understand. I only have a problem with people who complain and are not involved at all. Like those who only vote in during Presidential Elections and do not get involved on the local levels.

Poppa Grande

June 22nd, 2010
10:19 am

Mrs. PG is way more liberal than I. I seem to get more more conservative as each day passes. Heck, I may sport a comb-over soon. :lol:

Seriously, we are a different in many areas of political views. Respect of each others views is vital for it to work.

DreamsMaterialize

June 22nd, 2010
10:20 am

Prof How are you this morning? Bloody Mary it is.

Annnndddd… no one’s concerned that anonymousella wants to throat punch their date?
Stirrin If anonymousella really does go around throat punching people, then just make sure you don’t go on a date with her. lol I’d bet she’s never done that. anonymousella please, say you’ve never really throat punched a date. lol

Now, Stirrin if you want to read some truly concerning blogs, then read the article about General Stanley McChrystal’s comments regarding the administration. The blogs following that article reference giving awards for sniping the president. If they propose sniping for our country’s leader, then what would they propose for someone like me? Tarring and feathering? One doesn’t justify the other, but really.

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:21 am

Heck, I may sport a comb-over soon.

LOL, now that was funny!

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:23 am

Tarring and feathering?

@ DreamsM, no I was told by one that they would hang folks on the city square and cut him down at midnight, and throw the body in a shallow grave. You are right about the blogs and the violence displayed towards our president.

Stirrin-ItUp

June 22nd, 2010
10:23 am

kimmie – I agree, beliefs you don’t share should not be forced down your throat (or anonymousella might punch you there). The cable company may as well remove all the news from my listings, because it’s basically all the same. Fox tells you the libs are evil, CNN and MSNBC tell you that conservatives are evil.

That said, I guess I’m done here. With comments drawn both here and in other places, I can tell that conservatives ideals really aren’t welcome anymore.

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:24 am

@Carlito I agree, I am involved on all levels.

Poppa Grande

June 22nd, 2010
10:26 am

You don’t have to tip toe if you respect each other.

Former First Lady Laura Bush is way more liberal than her husband, former President George W. Bush. Since her husband left office, she has let her liberal views come out more. Recently she did an article in support of the health care reform that was passed in March 2010.

Really, you don’t have to look any further than James Carville, who is very liberal, and his wife Mary Matalin (very conservative).

So, it can work.

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:26 am

@Stirring-ItUp, in truth no one really welcome ideals; because, ideals are like buttholes everyone has one. So, using time management skills who wants to waste time reading and listening to everyone?

Liberal Lady

June 22nd, 2010
10:27 am

Trust when you get that conservative arse behind closed doors~everybody is Liberal! lol

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:28 am

@PG That James Carville gets on my last nerve. It seems like he is so passionate that he is going into cardiac arrest at any moment when you see him on TV.

Melo

June 22nd, 2010
10:28 am

Stirrin-ItUp??

Is Thinking right blog not there anymore since Jim Wooten retired??

U wld be much welcome there..its like Fox Noise ova there.

I like Bill Oreilly tho! :-)

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:29 am

Liberal Lady, I luv it! :grin:

kimmie

June 22nd, 2010
10:30 am

PG – I agree with your 10:26, but I’m not talking about a dating situation, I’m talking about places such as the workplace. I respect others to keep my views to myself in certain situations, others want to try to shove stuff in my face and they can keep it.

Poppa Grande

June 22nd, 2010
10:31 am

Melo…I think that Bob Barr is on that blog some now.

Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)

June 22nd, 2010
10:31 am

I may sport a comb-over soon.

First :shock: but :lol: at the visual…

kimmie

June 22nd, 2010
10:31 am

Liberal Lady – ^5

Poppa Grande

June 22nd, 2010
10:33 am

In workplace situations, I just know with which people to talk politics and which one to not. Some people cannot be respectful about other people’s views. Usually they show that in regards to other topics, too.

Professor

June 22nd, 2010
10:34 am

Wassup Ms. Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy

Poppa Grande

June 22nd, 2010
10:35 am

I agree in regards to Carville. I like his passion, but I wonder if it clouds his common sense. However, he is not the only one that has that issue.

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2010
10:35 am

Poppa Grande, I am a conservative mostly. I have blog on Bob Barr’s blog, I think he is an idiot. Although, I do like reading the different view points there.

Sassy Me...The Real Deal In Stereo:-)

June 22nd, 2010
10:37 am

That said, I guess I’m done here….I can tell that conservatives ideals really aren’t welcome anymore.

If you leave me now…you take away the biggest part of meeeeee….oooooohh you know, oh please don’t go….

DreamsMaterialize

June 22nd, 2010
10:37 am

With comments drawn both here and in other places, I can tell that conservatives ideals really aren’t welcome anymore.
Stirrin Did you purposely overlook the comments of some bloggers who were married and had differing liberal/conservative views? I would say that marrying someone with “conservative” views is about as much as you could do to “welcome” those ideals. See the problem is often that people try to create this artificial dichotomy…you’re either conservative or you’re liberal. I may be way off base, but I tend to think that people are much more complex than that. There are areas in my life where I take a conservative approach, there are some where I take a liberal approach, and there are others where I think that neither in it’s extreme is adequate. I do agree that we can eliminate all the news channels though. The Daily Show is probably more objective than all of them. lol

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 22nd, 2010
10:37 am

I thought anonymousella’s comment about throat punching was *kinda* tongue-in-cheek.

TheDude and I happen to share *mostly* similar views when it comes to things that could be considered political. However, we don’t mirror each other and I can appreciate that. It results in some really interesting discussions where I get to learn why he believes what he does, how he views some things and I even enjoy the fervor with which he can discuss certain points. (It’s kind of a turn-on. LOL)

Sassy Me...The Real Deal In Stereo:-)

June 22nd, 2010
10:38 am

Hola Professoraaaaaaaaaaaaaa

kimmie

June 22nd, 2010
10:41 am

Some people cannot be respectful about other people’s views. Usually they show that in regards to other topics, too.

PG – Exactly!

Poppa Grande

June 22nd, 2010
10:43 am

PurpleRain

Bob Barr teaches at all three law schools in the Atlanta area. I’ve met him a number a times a school. He isn’t all that bad. I’ve been to one of his seminars. He knows that controversy sells. So, I guess that on his blog he says things for shock value. Shock value means more hits on the website. More hits on the site mean more sponsors. So, it goes back to the “dolla, dolla bill, y’all”.

Purple Rain

June 22nd, 2010
10:45 am

Poppa Grande, his blog and this blog must make tons. :)

Melo

June 22nd, 2010
10:48 am

Stirrin-ItUp is typical of whats wronf in America..The Tea Party.

People cannot disagree in a civil manner any more.They have to bring guns to the party to show that its either Their way or else Guns will be Blazing.

If you cant tolerate or entertain differing opinions from urs and take it on the chin and cannot argue for ur case on its merits in this dating/ luv blog,Stirrin-ItUp,well Stirrin-ItDown and Out :arrow:

U are weak minded! :lol:

CoolShadow

June 22nd, 2010
10:48 am

Really, you don’t have to look any further than James Carville, who is very liberal, and his wife Mary Matalin (very conservative).

I immediately thought of them once I read the blog topic.

Politics is rarely brought up on dates and is normally discussed on a tangential or surficial level. It’s not necessary to be politically aligned to date someone but that’s one less commonality to connect on. I could deal with someone who may have political differences but likely not if they’re extreme in their views; extremists are usually the most intolerant and take themselves and their views a little too seriously.