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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Time to settle.. down

It isn’t often that I complain about male attention because most of the time I enjoy it.  It’s a really rare moment of regretting men exist that, thankfully, I get over pretty quickly.  Last week, I had the misfortune of having a discussion with a man, who I’ll call Mike, because that’s the jerk’s name.

Mike is married.  Mike believes that as a married man he has the right to say any old random thing to single women.  He starts talking about the fact that I am still not married and marveling over how youthful I look because of this fact (or in spite of?).  He has gray hair that he blames on his wife and her boyfriend.

The conversation devolves when Mike offers to be my boyfriend, someone who I can talk to and be there for me.  He thinks that my life is “too free” and I need to settle down and have a man guide it.

This is the part where I would love to tell you that I punched Mike in the forehead. I did not do this. Remember, my dad raised a non-violent, classy woman (thanks a lot, Dad). Instead, I told Mike that I am pretty satisfied with my “fancy free” life at this moment.  I would love to be married one day and I am willing to wait until the right man (preferably not married?) came along.  I graciously ended the conversation and ranted about needing married man repellent.

It’s interesting that settling down is viewed by some to mean no longer being a free spirit.  I don’t know if I am being unrealistic here, but when you marry someone, aren’t you allowed to still do some things you did before you were in a couple?

Clearly, I wouldn’t go to strip clubs or hire private dancers at my condo when I get married (not that I’m doing that right now or anything.) I just want to know what do men expect their women to give up when she settles down?  Why do people have a time frame for women to get married?

Why do people think they can and should let you know when they think it’s time to settle down?

Sizzling summer panel starts next week! If you have expressed interest in being on the panel, I will send out an email today. If you want to join the fun email me! wise.diva@gmail.com

191 comments Add your comment

Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)

June 21st, 2010
3:34 pm

Chrome Dome (in another context) may be part of the reason he married her

Touche Dreams….touche. ;)

AmazonRed™ - Summer time!

June 21st, 2010
3:39 pm

Oh okay Amazon…does she have one of those Chrome Domes?…

No. Her head was just right in front of the camera. Someone needed to tell her to move. :lol:

East Point's Own

June 21st, 2010
3:53 pm

@Professor Regarding your post at 12:28 steroetypes are often based on some sort of truth… and I can say that those are things I have personally observed in older women I have dated or that I observed in the older women that close friends of mine have dated. (FYI: I am 30 so women who are 35-45 are “older”…LoL)
Also the average age of first marriage used to be 18-22 and it has shifted now to 25-28… 40+ is still far beyond even new average age of marriage. I will say the same for men and women as we get older the number of “good” candidates for marriage gets slimmer. I have been saying for years that every year after college the field of good picks gets slimmer, folks begin to realize that they can’t let the good one they have get away. But there are the few people out there who go against the trend and have actually gotten better with age… so there is always hope.

http://hispointofview.com

Melo

June 21st, 2010
4:02 pm

One lady made sure the window to her townhouse was closed always after the first time

@Randyt??

coz of her hollering or urs??

that reminds me of my dear departed ex grlfriend..Molly (her real name) ..and may she rest in peace.

I dont know what it is,… maybe some uf uall who do the same can explain….

but a good wang throbbing always hit her in a way i cld never imagine..ever!

Her hollering was just classic, loud,exhilerating and surely an encouragement to keep that buttock wave going!

oooweee… hmmmmm, humpf…the goo’ ‘ol days :lol: :lol:

Mike P

June 21st, 2010
4:10 pm

once again i have to agree with EPO, this brother is making lots of valid points even when u consider the stereotypes, the prime age of marriage for women is and will always be between 18-25 years of age… after 25, the odds drops in half against you women… u can allow the trend to continue if you wish, do so at your own angst. and just because women have more opportunities and school and career advancement, (all human made issues), doesn’t give y’all the excuse to delay growing up, being emotionally mature and being self-responsible (stop seeking excitement from others i.e. bad boys) about your own lives and worst of all, ignoring mother nature (tick-tock).

like EPO, im thirty, and i am not please about the state of our AA communities, the quality (or the lack there of) of available women…

kimmie

June 21st, 2010
4:12 pm

Amred – What network was showing the parade?

AmazonRed™ - Summer time!

June 21st, 2010
4:12 pm

It’s on NBA TV, but I was watching it online via the Lakers website.

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
4:17 pm

“…like EPO, im thirty, and i am not please about the state of our AA communities, the quality (or the lack there of) of available women…”

And, for the record, we women aren’t pleased…the quality of (or lack thereof) of available men! We all in the same boat of displeasure!

East Point's Own

June 21st, 2010
4:30 pm

LoL… I would have to agree with Ms. Leggs We are all in the same boat that is sinking fast…

DreamsMaterialize

June 21st, 2010
4:31 pm

We all in the same boat of displeasure!
I’m not on that boat. lol There are tons of great women out there. Everyone has their own unique set of issues to deal with. Me being unable to relate to your issues doesn’t make you of lesser quality. I just have to find a woman whose issues I can deal with, and hopefully she’ll be willing to deal with mine too.

kimmie

June 21st, 2010
4:32 pm

Leggs – Have you been on another date with “Ray” from the River?

kimmie

June 21st, 2010
4:34 pm

Dreams – Appreciate that 4:31. Everybody is not in that same boat! And everyone has to work within their own circumstances.

I’ll tell you one relationship that always seems to work out: misery LUUUVVVVSS company!lol

Mike P

June 21st, 2010
4:34 pm

come on leggs, no need for that… let’s be mature about the topic…
what we’re talking about is EPO’s comment about the age ranges… u see, GOD’s determines your physical maturity (age), but its all up to you to mature mentally, psychologically, and emotionally… GOD gave us Free will… so he’s not gonna force you to Grow up, u gotta do that on your own.. so if the 18-25 year old say to themselves “hey i aint ready to grow up, and get serious with stuff, i just wanna have fun.” that’s the choices you make, you have to accept what follow with it, running with series of low quality men then being single at 40 with the tick-tok loudly sounding in your ears, if at all. (stop playing in the wrong field and maybe, just maybe you’ll find quality men, but you gotta see past that “he’s boring” thinking y’all seem to have).

Men we have our own set of problems too, i didnt forget these, but we’re talking about time here, which is biologically set with you women…the bad boys you all play with in your prime years can’t come back and reset the time for you. so please, I urge you all (men and women) to make the right decisions the first time around.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
4:37 pm

hmmmmmm I don’t do cats………I am keep hope alive there is someone out there for me and I will be for him…….i think…..it is something to ponder as I turn 31 I am stuck thinking sometimes 9 more years and the big 4-0 will be and time is ticking so I will just continue to enjoy life and embrace my base and love will find me if it is apart of HIS plan…….

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
4:38 pm

meant i am going to keep hope alive….my mind is on my many tasks…..have a good evening folks!

hey dreamsM!

kimmie

June 21st, 2010
4:41 pm

Lady J – If one is blessed to REACH 40 and reach it in good health, just be grateful. Heck, I know of people who did not reach 30!

We all would like a crystal ball, but that’s just not possible. And sometimes the best-laid plans and choices, well……..

Mike P

June 21st, 2010
4:42 pm

Lady D, why is it, you will plan for do whatever it takes to get a degree, a job, that promotion, etc. but you’ll sit on your hands and wait for a man to appear before you. I think anyone, man or woman, who have never been married, but actually wants to be married should take a more proactive approach to finding a mate. get out there and do whatever it takes to get what you want, again that goes for both man and women

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
4:43 pm

@MikeP ~ I am being matured. So many keep talking about the lack of quality woman, well there’s also the lack of quality men. Ok, we may not be on the same boat. I wasn’t trying to slam anyone, but remember what you say out of you mouth about women can usually be applied to men as well. DreamsM summed it up perfectly. I’m good.

@kimmie ~ had lunch together Saturday afternoon.

kimmie

June 21st, 2010
4:44 pm

Leggs – Cool :)

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
4:48 pm

ok Mike P I am divorced it was a brief affair and I do long for forever with the right perosn….again if it is in my plan God’s plan he will appear I am a believer but you have a great point get out and help make it happen….dating has been rough for me as i married my college sweetheart then dated a divorced rebound then met no so great people in the process…I am still learning me…..what is for me will be…..

kimmie you right

Mike P

June 21st, 2010
4:49 pm

leggs, the reason i think so many complain about the lack of quality women, me included. is because we’re out there, proactively searching, hunting, looking, etc. to tell u the truth its kinda hard to see something that isn’t here… as men we already look for women, and lots of us simply don’t see what we’re looking for, and when we do, we’re rejected or they’re already in a relationship.
women on the other hand, simply wait, for the guy to approach them, they reject them for the most benign reasons, yet complain there isn’t quality guys out there, when in fact there are.

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
4:52 pm

I have never really waited on anything I saw I wanted. If I was too aggressive in my approach, then I wasn’t the one for you to continue speaking to. I can’t complain on anything until I see what’s standing in front of me.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
4:53 pm

I reject for lies, inconistencies, drama, lies, lies, and just lies…they don’t want to put the work in……the want to f**** period………..geesh I am not making this up they play so many mind games and keep their rotation going it gets old I am over it…….so yes i am waiting in the cut

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
4:54 pm

And for the record, Mr. Mike P. Although quite a few men thinking they’re approach is solid, it’s not. Just like kids, you guys say the darndest of things right off the bat. Some are not smooth AT ALL!

Mike P

June 21st, 2010
4:55 pm

sorry if i come off a little mean… i’m just venting my personal frustrations… I’m sure quality women are out there, just haven’t found her yet… this is what keeps me going.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
4:55 pm

meant they want to….it is pulling teeth for the basics and after a few dates they are DONE……..from 30 to 43 men are still playing games and i am talking educated brothers who one would think should be better and do better

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
4:57 pm

As I got better, I want better…plain and simple. I waited until I was ready…no games!

Mike P

June 21st, 2010
4:58 pm

man… leggs if you women only knew, lots of times its not easy to approach a lady… so if anyone approach you, be thankful, be flattered, be respectful, and don’t be so easily dismissive or worse disrespectful and rude.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
5:01 pm

approach her straight up with your true sincere intentions the truth is welcomed no matter what it is but the games are tired by both genders……we have to let our guards down and love again but we all have been hurt and not trying to go back there so we play and continue that passive hurt…..

DreamsMaterialize

June 21st, 2010
5:02 pm

Just like kids, you guys say the darndest of things right off the bat.
Awwwww Leggs don’t attack our “smoothness”. lol Now you know what’s considered smooth is largely dependent on whether you’re already feeling that person. The old playa at the club runs a line on you and his approach gets dismissed as “lame”. Now, let that be someone you are clearly attracted to, and his approach might be relabeled as “charming”. Besides, it’s easy for women to criticize a man’s approach because they never have to do it.

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
5:02 pm

I have never been rude to any man that approached me. Not even the bum in the street. I remain polite but I keep it moving. I’m always flattered when someone notices me, but still I keep it moving if need be. No need to be rude cuz someone found you attractive! That is disrespectful and I would never do that!

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
5:03 pm

I can be attracted to you and your line may still come across as lame. You will know by my laughter and me shaking my finger at you…..

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
5:04 pm

mike p what is your assessment on the games out there from the man’s side????

Melo

June 21st, 2010
5:04 pm

they want to f**** period

@lady J !

i feel you…that sounds sincere… the key,not easy is,is to find the one who wants to f**** u and stick around.

to be continued…………………………

good nite everyone

Leggs

June 21st, 2010
5:04 pm

Whenever we feel that sting of rejection, instead of getting down on ourselves and losing our sense of value, our attitude should be, “I may be disappointed. This may hurt. But I’m not going to sink down into self-pity and start thinking that there is something wrong with me. This is merely a pebble in my path of life. This too shall pass!!!!

QUOTE FROM FRIDAY!

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
5:09 pm

so right melo that is the key!

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

June 21st, 2010
5:18 pm

i deserve someone who is passionate about me as much as I am about him……until then I can’t sell myself short thinking it is the real thing and it is not…..my value will sink if i did!

good night!

Sassy Me....The neighbors know MY name :-)

June 21st, 2010
5:25 pm

You will know by my laughter and me shaking my finger at you…..

Leggs you kick butt first and take names later…that’s what’s up. :lol:

Gorgeous Green Eyes

June 23rd, 2010
5:12 am

Okay…I had to get on here… LADIES!!!! REPRESENT yourself if you are single…For some REASON and I know why (all men are animals, some just make better pets…) THE MARRIED MEN or MAN IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP (!) seems to think the SINGLE girl is fair game….I have experienced this alot since I got divorced 2 years ago. And for the Single MEN: I need a freakin’ calendar with a scheduler in it to keep these guys in a rotation cycle…So, the point here is, the only thing Married Men are addicted to is NEW STUFF not OLD STUFF…..So, a single girl is NEW stuff and these guys think they are doing us a FAVOR by offering themselves to us…AS if! I just slap their hand and say: BUZZ OFF!

Jacobite47

July 2nd, 2010
6:59 pm

Leggs and I had a very enjoyable conversation over drinks and a small plate. She’s one very classy lady and I look forward to seeing her again.

Jacobite47

July 2nd, 2010
7:01 pm

Perhaps I should flirt with green eyes too!