Time to settle.. down
It isn’t often that I complain about male attention because most of the time I enjoy it. It’s a really rare moment of regretting men exist that, thankfully, I get over pretty quickly. Last week, I had the misfortune of having a discussion with a man, who I’ll call Mike, because that’s the jerk’s name.
Mike is married. Mike believes that as a married man he has the right to say any old random thing to single women. He starts talking about the fact that I am still not married and marveling over how youthful I look because of this fact (or in spite of?). He has gray hair that he blames on his wife and her boyfriend.
The conversation devolves when Mike offers to be my boyfriend, someone who I can talk to and be there for me. He thinks that my life is “too free” and I need to settle down and have a man guide it.
This is the part where I would love to tell you that I punched Mike in the forehead. I did not do this. Remember, my dad raised a non-violent, classy woman (thanks a lot, Dad). Instead, I told Mike that I am pretty satisfied with my “fancy free” life at this moment. I would love to be married one day and I am willing to wait until the right man (preferably not married?) came along. I graciously ended the conversation and ranted about needing married man repellent.
It’s interesting that settling down is viewed by some to mean no longer being a free spirit. I don’t know if I am being unrealistic here, but when you marry someone, aren’t you allowed to still do some things you did before you were in a couple?
Clearly, I wouldn’t go to strip clubs or hire private dancers at my condo when I get married (not that I’m doing that right now or anything.) I just want to know what do men expect their women to give up when she settles down? Why do people have a time frame for women to get married?
Why do people think they can and should let you know when they think it’s time to settle down?
Sizzling summer panel starts next week! If you have expressed interest in being on the panel, I will send out an email today. If you want to join the fun email me! wise.diva@gmail.com
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191 comments Add your comment
Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)
June 21st, 2010
11:44 am
I am referencing – The so much has happened and I will fill you in.
No there hasn’t been an update…even though we were PROMISED one…I think Wise Diva is reneging on her word…for whatever reason. Maybe something popped off that we’re not privy to…I’m jus’ sayin”…
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
11:49 am
Hi WD and All,
As they used to say in East Tennessee, you definitely ran into the southfacing end of a northbound horse for sure. What a jackass. No WD, not all men are like that…not even a small minority. Enough said.
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
11:56 am
Regarding timetables, those are artificial and assine constraints. Love, honor, RESPECT, and financial realities are what are or should be required…and a whole lot of patience.
Mike P
June 21st, 2010
11:57 am
I have a question…. If you met a woman age 40, not married and no kids… why do some think something it wrong with her?(My brother met this lady and he is trying to explain his thoughts just curious on others comments..)
@Living Life: I just explained it all for you all… Please re-read my post:
Why do people have a time frame for women to get married?
Because most traditional men want to marry a woman who is emotionally mature, “grown up,” and within what’s considered “healthy child bearing age.”
society at large view MOST women over thirty who haven’t married don’t seem to have had these basic personality characteristics at the healthy child bearing age, allowing them to marry at a reasonable age.
sound harsh but it is indeed how this society view it, guessing because of the heavy pioneering, christian /African slavery background.
society tells women to “have your fun now (while young)”, but you’ll pay for it later in many, untold ways
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
11:59 am
Off topic…I get those http://www.classmate.com emails daily and how is it that the only females I have an interest in (and would like to “catch up with”) aren’t members and the ones who have me scratching my head and butt trying to figure out who they were, are there?
Melo
June 21st, 2010
12:01 pm
Randyt ??
hit me up maaan! takpat78@gmail.com
Hello everyone..hope u had a fab fathers’s day week end. I had a special one…luv my dghters to death..
East Point's Own
June 21st, 2010
12:06 pm
@ Living Life I am not trying to be funny, and I know its not the case always… but many times there really is something wrong with single women 40+ who have no kids and have never been married…for starters,
some:
+have an underlying hatred for men
+think men are all dogs
+live in an alternate reality where the world revolves around them
+don’t understand how to exist in a (healthy)relationship
+have attitude problems
+think that being in a relationship will cause them to lose all control over their own life
+ have to prove that they can be the man in the relationship
+are overly competetive
+have a real psychological disorder that needs to be addressed
should I go on????
NOw this does not apply to all single and never been attached women over 35, but a number of them.
SlimCutty
June 21st, 2010
12:14 pm
Howdy folks…blogging from the comfort of my own bed today….You all seem to have shared some valid points on the topic. I think Mike P has a point regarding the whole child bearing age, coupled with maturity etc. That falls into line with the whole Womens Biological clock ticking therefore leading to some frame of panick to hurry up and pop some kids out…
Living Life
June 21st, 2010
12:15 pm
@ Mike P and EPO… Thanks for the insight, my brother did name a few of those.
Mike P
June 21st, 2010
12:17 pm
yup i have to agree with EPO right there…
its this same women who are the most thirsty, but don’t know how to go about it asking (respectfully) for a drink. even worse, most wont to admit that they are even thirsty, denying “the thirst” even exist within them. Believe me, i see it every single day… i have to laugh sometimes because its really sad.
ZEUS BKA LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)
June 21st, 2010
12:19 pm
A thunderbolt strike from Zues will do wonders for ya! YEAH
I just want to know what do men expect their women to give up when she settles down? Why do people have a time frame for women to get married?
When you are striving toward a marriage or long term relationship you will have already made changes so marriage can take place. YES
Time to settle down belongs to you and only you. Only fools continue to comment regarding another person time table to settle down. Settle when you find that special person to settle with.
@ Kimmie…..I am seeking your permission to continue my I bet when Kimmie does them, the reason I want your permission is I do want you to karate chop me! YEAH
Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....
June 21st, 2010
12:24 pm
hey mr lurker!!!!!
Professor
June 21st, 2010
12:28 pm
@EPO I saw a lot of sterotypes on that list. This day and time, for some reason men/women are taking longer to settle down IMO.
@MR. LURKER aka ZEUS. Why Zeus? MR. LURKER is a better fit YEAHH
@Melo did your girls do something special for you?
Professor
June 21st, 2010
12:31 pm
MR. LURKER did all of those Gods and Goddesses show you a good time on Fathers Day? YEAH
Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....
June 21st, 2010
12:34 pm
off to prepapre for testing summer school is OVER YEAH!!
read ya later folks~!
Professor
June 21st, 2010
12:34 pm
I am not sure if Dig That is in the
houseblog, but I thought about you yesterday. I said a quick Prayer, but I felt sort of funny saying watch over Dig That. Using monikers while praying is a bit odd, but it is all good.Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....
June 21st, 2010
12:35 pm
dammit prepare! lol
that’s nice of you professor!
peace
Professor
June 21st, 2010
12:36 pm
Have fun Lady J! Summer school went by quick.
Mike P
June 21st, 2010
12:36 pm
@Living Life:
its sad, everyday i see these women 40+ crowd, trying to be “Man” equating that as being successful, yet each of these women that i personally know always have seven things in common:
(1)they wanted to have fun (always with/committing to the completely wrong guy only because he’s “fun”)
(2) they get “burned” hurt emotionally by that fun guy, so all men are jerks, dogs whatever (seeds of men-hating, anger and disrespecting towards “nice guys”
(3) for years and years repeats number (2) with different men (but the same type, u know bcuz he’s fun).
(4)becomes bitter by 30-35 years old, become “independent woman”, beat the man at his own game; at work and socially.
(5)uses 5 guys for their own personal agenda, one guy for each area in her life: one for phlukin’, one to get expense gifts, so on and so on.
(6)tries to get “right” for the right guy (usually a guy who’s 10+ younger).
(7)has to at-least two cats in her house (this is true in every case).
Leggs
June 21st, 2010
12:38 pm
Whew, thank goodness I only have one cat!
Mike P
June 21st, 2010
12:39 pm
@Leggs Lolz
Mike P
June 21st, 2010
12:40 pm
@Leggs
LoLz!!!!
Melo
June 21st, 2010
12:43 pm
Melo did your girls do something special for you?
@Proff??
yep. i got a lil bit of wardrobe make over and Queen told me that one of my girls(13 yr old) was so pushy about it too and insisting on what to buy daddy!
that one will grow up to be a daddy’s girl coz thats what she already is now.
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
12:44 pm
Hey Melo
Will shoot you some pics from Roma Italia. Only so much beautiful women, incredible food, and great wine a man can handle before he spontaneously combusts. You were out of town too? Been watching the World Cup? I’ve refereed soccer and that ref in the Slovakia game had lost control long before the “phantom call”. they looked more like the WWF than pro soccer players in the box. England is POed severely about how pathetic they have played. Rooney has been a total “no show”.
Mike P
June 21st, 2010
12:46 pm
Enter your comments here
Professor
June 21st, 2010
12:47 pm
@Melo that is sooooo sweet! It sounds like you are a great daddy.
@Randyt I wish you could send me some food and wine over the blog.
Mike P
June 21st, 2010
12:47 pm
@Leggs
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
12:49 pm
meant Slovenia not Slovakia …sorry
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
12:52 pm
Hey Prof
I LOVE Italian food (most French food & wine, hardly any English food… but good Italian is as good as it gets (and the wine…Ummmmmm). Oh, and Italian SEAFOOD… really Ummmmmmm.
Melo
June 21st, 2010
12:52 pm
Randyt??
Wl apprecite the pics..yeah yeah,Italia women??
yeah been watching soccer thruout but in town tho….england better win and score more goals in the next game otherwise they out. The refereeing in the wc has been pathetic in some games..tho i dont think the usa were shortchanged in that game they complaining about.
The whistle went off be4 the guy scored(if u listen carefully)..which wld make the score a moot/redundant act.But the press here wont let off.
I got some major issue to discuss with u tho..so appreciate if u hit me up.
LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)
June 21st, 2010
12:58 pm
@Professor….I am always treated right by the goddesses.
@Leggs… Now you know you have 2 cats!!!!! YES
@What it do Lady-J….Teach those children well, wit yo bad self!
WD is a playa, play-on playa! WD make sure you pop dat collar when you are macking the men in the ATL.
Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)
June 21st, 2010
1:03 pm
thank goodness I only have one cat!
Too funny Leggs….I don’t have any…does that make me a spinster?
i'm swiss
June 21st, 2010
1:14 pm
“Oh, and Italian SEAFOOD… really Ummmmmmm.”
So you like that Italian spicy tuna roll, do you, Randy?
Leggs
June 21st, 2010
1:18 pm
@LURKER ~ cute. Just one and I finally got a very sweet cat. What’s I’m very thankful for is even if I had 2 cats I wouldn’t fall into those categories.
@SassyMe ~ no spinster…you just doing your thing on your time with no bitterness! That’s the key. Why be bitter! Useless energy that can be put elsewhere!
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
1:32 pm
Yup i’m swiss very much so (as one connoisseur of “finer foods” to another
Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)
June 21st, 2010
1:36 pm
you just doing your thing on your time with no bitterness! That’s the key.
Yes m’aam Leggs that’s exactly what it is…and for that I get called selfish and spoiled..usually by my married with kids friends or just friends with kids.
Just last week I was on the phone with a guy I dated back in college. He’s now married(unhappily he claims but you know how that story goes) with FIVE children ages 2,3,7,8 and 11…so to me he must’ve been happy some of the time BUT he calls sex a poor man’s recreation but I digress. Anyhoo, he said I had too much freedom and needed a baby to settle and ground me…chile pleaze, how ludicrous is that?
DreamsMaterialize
June 21st, 2010
1:39 pm
Leggs, Sassy
I think Lurker was saying that by default (because of your gender), you have at least ONE cat. So, even when you have no cats, you have a cat.
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
1:42 pm
Hey Sassy
Sounds to me like the guy is after you for your mind, surely
Kind of like that gal at Tattletales who I am sure genuinely liked me and it surely had nothing to do with the tens and twenties that somehow kept going from me to her.
Seriously, not to you because I know you can spot a BS line, but does that crap actually work with some women? Do I need to dumb down my approach?
Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)
June 21st, 2010
1:43 pm
So, even when you have no cats, you have a cat.
Now Dreams don’t take me there…cause per my moniker today I’m….I’m not gonna do it cause it’s too early and not even close to Freaky Friday so Imma chill. Point made,point taken papi…
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
1:54 pm
Off topic…I hope Joren Van Der Sloot is getting plenty of “love and affection” in the Peruvian prison and I hope all of the inmates get by to say “hello” and welcome him “personally”.
LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)
June 21st, 2010
1:55 pm
DreamsM….. You are the smoothest Grand Master on the MIA blog. I must come and train with you
Sin say!
@Sassy….So why do you neighbors know your name? Have you recently been doing some shouting? C’mon do tell I need to do I bet when Sassy was getting busy blog!
kimmie
June 21st, 2010
1:56 pm
Randy – I think Italian is the best cuisine in the world, hands down!
Beautiful
June 21st, 2010
1:57 pm
gmorn bloggers! hope all the father’s had a wonderful day yesterday. i had the best’est day ever with my dad. our conversations are so fun and hil.ar.ious! lol.
settling down . . . i’m good! :~)
Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)
June 21st, 2010
1:57 pm
but does that crap actually work with some women? Unfortunately it does,hence the perpetuation of the cycle. There are some “thirsty” and naive women out there who will go for it..some have ulterior motives and some just get snow balled.
Do I need to dumb down my approach? Only if you want a dumb woman. Now if you’re looking for Ms. Tonight and not Ms. Right then you might be able to catch with one of those trite lines married dudes use.
Sassy Me...The neighbors know MY name :-)
June 21st, 2010
1:59 pm
I hope Joren Van Der Sloot is getting plenty of “love and affection” in the Peruvian prison and I hope all of the inmates get by to say “hello” and welcome him “personally”.
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
2:06 pm
@kimmie
I totally agree…it IS the best.
Leggs
June 21st, 2010
2:08 pm
@DreamsM ~ that was funny. I didn’t think of that!
You have too much freedom on your hands and that’s why you should have a baby. WOW, that’s why he’s straddled with 5 babies and too poor to properly take care of them. WOW.
Van Der Sloot is a raving idiot!
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
2:12 pm
Leggs “idiot” maybe, Psychotic probably, wish he had taken the Aruban nice comfy prison five years ago, I guarantee it. he needs four or five really big beefy roomates to keep him company for the next twenty years or so. I suspect he is going to have an early look at what “hell” really is like for pampered, murdering scumbags.
Leggs
June 21st, 2010
2:14 pm
Yes indeed, RandyT. He dug his own grave. Now talking that he didn’t know what he was signing and his rights were violated. He is pyschotic. Even his mother has recanted what she said 5 years in Natalee Holloway’s murder investigation. She stood by and believed her son then. Now, she admits he’s psychotic and spiraled downward out of control after the death of his father.
Randyt (Home...and dayum hot)
June 21st, 2010
2:15 pm
@ Kimmie
I need to make lasagne tonight…have it on the brain now. Garlic bread with some olive oil, bottle of nice wine…yup, I think I may cook tonight.