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Can you spot a keeper?

My male friends tell me they think men are way more equipped at spotting a great woman then women are at determining when a guy is a real keeper.   I don’t argue with them on it because heaven knows I sure can pick em’, if you know what I’m saying.

It’s possible they can see the qualities that a woman has that could make her a great match, good mother, and support system for him.  I believe it’s the little signs that probably point to the fact she  is either self-absorbed and selfish or kind and nurturing.

Keep in mind that women won’t go around nurturing and supporting random men all willy nilly. This is why when you meet and date someone new, it’s good to observe how they treat people.

So fellas, help us out and clue us in.  How did you acquire all these wonderful skills of  picking good women? Does it come naturally? Are you innately designed to see through the smoke and mirrors that some women have?

Ladies, do you think you can spot a keeper when you see one?  I’m not talking the outer shell stuff, here. I mean the character, morals and values, and world outlook.  When you do realize you have met a keeper?

I will be the first to admit that this is a problem for me.  It takes me a long, long, long time to discern whether a guy is a keeper.  While I am dragging my feet, he gets inpatient and is on to the next.  That’s when I’m all, a ha! He wasn’t a keeper because he had no staying power! Vicious cycle, man.

I think there is a fine line between keeper and deceiver, but I don’t always know where it is. How do you find it?

Happy Monday!

556 comments Add your comment

free to be (F2B)

June 14th, 2010
8:27 am

happy monday!:) i know that the keeper characteristics spoken of are general. when it gets down to it, i think there will be varied opinions on what traits are most important. generally speaking i think that if a man is:
1. reliable
2. compassionate
3. responsible
4. trustworthy
5. self-assured w/o arrogance
6. spiritually centered

that’s a good start.:) all the other particulars really depend on what values are important to an individual.

Kym

June 14th, 2010
8:29 am

Good Morning All,

Ladies, do you think you can spot a keeper when you see one? I’m not talking the outer shell stuff, here. I mean the character, morals and values, and world outlook. When you do realize you have met a keeper?

I just had this discussion yesterday. Much as I hate to say it.. I may have book smarts..but I am heart stupid. I was told yesterday that I am looking for a man with warmth yet I pick cold. I tend to fall for guys who are unavailable. Be it emotionally or physically(far off distance lands) that is the joker that catches my eye. Now mind you of my last few choices..most have had what I would call good moral fiber..but they were all wounded. I mean deep wounds..yet I tried to focus on what I loved or liked about them and not on the gapping heart wound each had. It was like my heart said “Ignore that bitter and bloody heart..you can fix that.” Yeah right!!

Dan - A new Jill Scott fan

June 14th, 2010
8:33 am

Good morning,

The qualities that define a “keeper” are ever-changing as we are. At different times in your life, you want different things in a SO.

Some call it maturity, others a “deeper knowledge of self”, but whatever it is or called, when you know, you know (I guess).

As for “the little signs that probably point to the fact she is either self-absorbed and selfish or kind and nurturing” those signs are not little. They’re glaring and obvious when you’re interested in the person.

Jeff

June 14th, 2010
8:33 am

My ex brother in law brought a woman around and I knew the first time I met her (long day with the family) that she was the one. They got married @ a year later.

As for the keeper for myself. My brain can spot them but other parts of my anatomy always cloud the picture.

Slim: searching, discerning, wondering, learning, yearning, growing

June 14th, 2010
8:34 am

Good morning all:

Guess we’ll be seeing a lot of list we’ve seen recently with regards to what we want in a mate aka mate = keeper, not just a date. I will assume Core values would be at the top of the list…but I digress

Professor

June 14th, 2010
8:39 am

Hola

Hey F2B (I love your list) Lady J are you in the building yet?

I will be honest, yes I know the signs of a keeper, BUT the problem I have is this I find a keeper and I am not attracted to the keeper. :cry: That is why I feel mutual love is magical everything just lines up.

Slim: searching, discerning, wondering, learning, yearning, growing

June 14th, 2010
8:40 am

Kym I think women are supposedly Natures Nurturers (if that’s even a real word) so for whatever reason we tend to sway to those that may be a bit wounded to satisfy that need to nurture. My cousin is a pretty decent chick but it seems she has that Cap’n Save-a-Dude syndrome..(yes fellas, you aren’t the only ones with the Save em mentality) So I wonder that when we meet a guy who doesn’t necessarily need a whole lot of sculpting, molding, fixin’ up, that we are less drawn to them.

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
8:41 am

chuckling softly….morning crew!

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
8:42 am

Present and accounted fopr honey as I yawn and start this beautiful money making monday Professor!!!!

Hey F2B!!!!!!

I can’t stop smiling! :) LOL!

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
8:45 am

—————->I think there is a fine line between keeper and deceiver, but I don’t always know where it is. B.I.N.G.O

It is a thin line between love and hate too but I will humbly digress! HA! ;)

Professor produce a list chica!!! LMBAO!

Professor

June 14th, 2010
8:50 am

@Lady J, LOL on the list. I am moving is slow motion this morning. I need to turn on some music so I can get into the groove of things.

free to be (F2B)

June 14th, 2010
8:51 am

@kym and professor…i definitely know what you mean and have felt that way many times when it comes to love. theory and practice are two totally different things to master. i feel ya!

@dan…i love jill too! she was awesome on saturday night!

@ladyj…keep smiling, keep smiling.:) it’s a great day for it! that mr. maxwell knows he’s the perfect little sex sandwich (as i told my sister…LOL). she thought that was a hilarious description. do you know how TASTY as sandwich can be as well as satisfying??? LMAO i think that description fits him perfectly!

Kym

June 14th, 2010
8:53 am

@Slim..I am not sure..it was a guy who actually told me about the wanting warm..dating cold thing I have going on…and the more I thought about it..he was right. He asked me to list the things I like, not what the fellows like and when I looked at my list..it was all these warm, fuzzy things, family oriented, people related things..while the guys I have loved before..they all were into things that were based on staying locked in a room for 14 hours shooting at imaginary zombies..but I digress. You could be on to something..maybe I seek out the men who appeal to the nurturer IN me..as oppose to the men who can actually be nurturing TO me.

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
8:55 am

f2b I am still shaking and shouting inside LIKE WOW!!!!!!!!! girl between Jill Scott bringing it from AROUND THE CORNER TO MAIN STREET and Maxwell doing the damn thang I am still lyrically HIGH!!!!!! get into my Max and turn up Luther Chile Please yeah I am still shouting and smiling!!!!!!! THEY DID THAT BABY!!!!! This past weekend was the bests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
8:55 am

Professor I have been wide open all morning including one dummy mission but I kept smiling and as I do handled it with care! LOL!

Professor

June 14th, 2010
8:56 am

@F2B…I love it…perfect little sex sandwich.

On topic: I will say this you have to know when the person is no longer a “keeper” or if they no longer want to be “kept” by you.

free to be (F2B)

June 14th, 2010
8:57 am

@ladyj..i meant “a” sandwich…lol…i know you knew what i meant though:)

Professor

June 14th, 2010
8:59 am

@Lady J, once I get through breakfast I will be ok. I eat so slow even when I am hungry…I don’t like that! I’ve been eating on this yogurt for 30 minutes and I am not even close to being finished.

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:00 am

——————–>I will say this you have to know when the person is no longer a “keeper” or if they no longer want to be “kept” by you.

saying it again for you Professor!!! The little voice will tell you while they think they doing the damn thang and ain’t doing nada but wasting there breath! LOL

f2b we are always >>>>>>>>>>>HERE<<<<<<<<<< chica with our thought honey no explanation needed for J baby! LOL

Professor

June 14th, 2010
9:02 am

@Lady J and F2B I blasted Jill Scott all day yesterday in fact I think I will play some Jill now.

free to be (F2B)

June 14th, 2010
9:03 am

@professor…LOL! thanks. too bad some brothas who think they are a sex sandwich are really a krystal burger..ha! let me stop it’s only 9 a.m…see what happens when you go to the jill/maxwell concert? lol that is so key what you said about wanting to be “kept.” so really it’s more important to link w/the keeper that wants to be kept by you.:)

@ladyj….the concert really was awesome! i love jill b/c she is so real. she gives raw emotion in her performances. i love when ppl are courageous enough to be transparent. maxwell was so energetic and genuinely gracious of the crowd’s support. i respect that too. they are both super talented performers. it was worth every penny!

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:03 am

Professor she is human and real and doesn’t mind sharing he journey through her talent!!!! I would love that concert live on CD…..

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:05 am

——–>i love when ppl are courageous enough to be transparent.—Don’t we all like this type of person it makes no sense not to be this way but again I digress! LOL

AmazonRed™ - Crunch time. Go Lakers!

June 14th, 2010
9:07 am

Happy Monday All. I had a nice little mini vacay. :)

Well, perhaps I can’t speak on finding a keeper as I haven’t been “kept” yet. However, if you have a healthy sense of self worth, you can spot a guy with good character and solid moral fiber.

We all have our baggage, but keepers are one that makes it worth dealing with.

free to be (F2B)

June 14th, 2010
9:09 am

@ladyj…you are right it doesn’t make sense. some ppl find comfort though in hiding. but as the old spiritual goes…there really is “no hiding place.”

well it’s now or never…if i don’t get my run in now it’ll be too darn dilly hot to do it later. wish me luck out there y’all!:)

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:09 am

good post ared and yes it is crunch time for the lakers! the celtics are so amusing to watch….lol interesting characters! LOL Go Lakers!

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:09 am

hydrate my friend and have a great day honey!

kimmie

June 14th, 2010
9:16 am

Good morning!

DID JILL & MAXWELL DO THE DANG THING OR WHAT?!!!!!

Still on my high! That concert was dang near perfect!!!

Be back to give my topic views

Professor

June 14th, 2010
9:18 am

@ARED and Lady J two words

CELTICS BABY!!!!

Dan - A new Jill Scott fan

June 14th, 2010
9:18 am

@Free

Great observation on Jill Scott, I’ve been saying the same thing.

At a certain point, she was (emotionally) nekked on stage and it was wonderful to see. Maxwell was just “having fun”.

It was a good time, good crowd, and fun event.

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:21 am

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO Professor! You lost me baby right there! LOL

Rell - Is this real life?

June 14th, 2010
9:22 am

Jill Scott’s live albums are the bizness if you dont have them…go get them

men are no better than women when choosing a mate..men will sometimes place that “good catch” tag on a woman if she is working it in the bedroom…that has tripped many a men up. Other times we will associate the good catch label to a chick who is giving up trickets or things in exchange for our time and company….i think for “black men” it key to get a women who is cooperative…not a comprising woman…that will breed resentment.

Purple Rain

June 14th, 2010
9:22 am

We can spot them well, but until we get older most of us are not wise enough to leave them alone until past the breaking point. The positive side of a man dating around and have success and failures keeps us more in tune. Women are more faithful to the wrong type due to their desire to make it work and the majority of women do not have a “player phase” of life, like most men do. So that leaves some women without being able to discern.

I am sure this will work for women also. How do you know a person is a keeper? You have to look at them and what phase.age in life they are in.
1) Are all of their friends brand new? (Not A Keeper)
2) Should have at least one or two childhood friends in her life.
3) She does not need a man to define her, no ulterior motive except love. The keeper woman can ride with you not for you or on your back.
4) She is not in and out of relationships
5) She can cook
6) She can show other emotions besides anger.
7) She gets along with your inner circle, not everyone but the majority. She should not be talking about everyone in your inner circle
8) She is sexy, doesnt have to be a physical sexy just sexy :)
9) She is intelligent
10) She makes you want to be a better person, not saying motivate you, but you have the natural desire to improve and achieve more.
11) You can feel a genuine kindness/love.
12) You don’t pay attention to any other women when you are with her. She is the apple of your eye and you find yourself not even looking around the room.
13)You fel lucky to have her
14) You want to show her off to your male friends as if you have won something.
15) She is concerned about your well being
16) YOU DON’T WONDER IF YOU COULD DO BETTER!!!!

Professor

June 14th, 2010
9:22 am

@F2B not a krystal burger…you got me laughing on that one.

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:23 am

RELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Hey Boo!;)

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:24 am

daggit meant ;) I will get the live version like hmm when I walk out the building! need more commute cds honey!

kimmie

June 14th, 2010
9:24 am

On topic:

I really don’t think either gender is better at picking keepers. I think we all know one when we meet & get to know one. I think other things sometimes get in the way. Maturity, timing, things like that. I’ve met and dated what could be some real keepers but they didn’t want to be kept at the time and didn’t want to keep me.

So both have to consider the other a keeper for it to work. Sometimes, a lot of times, things just don’t work out. And you shouldn’t have to try hard making them work out. That should be the easy part, the “courting”. Once you’ve made it official is where the real work begins.

We all have our baggage, but keepers are one that makes it worth dealing with.

Amred, I like this.

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:25 am

Hey Pruple Rain! Good to see ya!

Professor

June 14th, 2010
9:25 am

@Purple, great list. How are things going with the “West Coast Swing?”

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:26 am

daggit purple rain that is! lol smh softly

Luvbug

June 14th, 2010
9:29 am

Men are better at picking mates than women? Really?! Who says so?

I’m not sold on this. I think neither sex ranks higher in this department.

As for me, I don’t know if I know how to pick ‘em. All memories of my exs weren’t good ones, but I don’t regret any of my past picks. I think the relationships were as long as they needed to be. I definitely couldn’t fathom any of them being in my future. Not even a little bit.

If I’ve not been a good picker so far, it’s probably for a good reason. I can’t imagine what torture I’d have carelessly inflicted on some really great guy before now.

Purple Rain

June 14th, 2010
9:29 am

Lady J, we really need to talk :( :)

Professor Hello, the first portion was okay, I am back home this week until the next section. How are you?

Professor

June 14th, 2010
9:29 am

Question for those that are boo’ed up. Do you see marriage in the future? How long will you wait to become an official keeper to your SO? How long have you been in your relationship. Those that are not boo’ed up you can tell us what happened in the past that made you release that good “keeper.”

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:30 am

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:30 am

okay give me a few….

Rell - Is this real life?

June 14th, 2010
9:34 am

good list purple rain…yeah i have meet one like that recently

kimmie

June 14th, 2010
9:34 am

Dan, I’m glad you were able to attend. It’s my 2nd time seeing Jill. I saw her at Chastain two summers ago with the Atlanta symphony. She was great, but this time I think was better!

AmazonRed™ - Crunch time. Go Lakers!

June 14th, 2010
9:36 am

Luvbug – I wouldn’t say men are better at picking either. But like WiseDiva said, I really can’t argue either way.

It seems like the Bachelorettes (TV show) were more successful than the Bachelors tho. :lol:

Rell - Is this real life?

June 14th, 2010
9:40 am

tell us what happened in the past that made you release that good “keeper.”

- sex..sex…sex…if she was not giving it up or giving it to me the way i wanted….i bounced…regardless if she was a “keeper”…i just wanted my porn star chick period…the follies of y outh

Lady J-I love your smile!

June 14th, 2010
9:40 am

it seems like some could be a great keeper but you then find out they are a sociopath…..or have some qualities to support the thought…..hmmmm pondering