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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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The truth about dating preferences

We all have our wish list of things we would like to see in a date.  We may not list them all on paper but there are unspoken things that we think about all the time.  When we meet someone who appears to have the majority of these qualities, we get excited.  Now the questions are: is that what you truly wanted?  Are you really into him or her or is it the image of them that gets your blood pumping?

I really think this is a common issue that plagues singles, including me.  It is so easy to get caught up in each others’ representative and outer shell because that is what we are projecting and revealing to people we meet and date.  A lot of men complain to me that their woman changed after they got in an exclusive relationship.  I think it is more about her feeling comfortable enough to show the real parts of her then changing to a different person.  Men do the same thing too.

When it is so easy to get caught up in image, how do you think our dating preferences hinder our chances of building relationships? What happens when you are in to the person because they meet your list of dating preferences and then their real personality shows up?  From your experiences, were you still interested in them or was it just the image of them?

I think the same question can be asked about love and marriage.  Is it really love and commitment we want or is it the idea of it?  Discuss.

221 comments Add your comment

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
4:23 pm

Sassy Me....If you ask me I'm ready :-)

June 10th, 2010
4:25 pm

Awww, it’s raining. Refreshing!

Such beauty in simplicity….

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
4:26 pm

To think, I took my rain jacket home yesterday…shoot

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
4:27 pm

And such complexity in navigating the roads….

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
4:28 pm

IML – that’s kind of what I get from watching Basketball Wives. They seem so tortured – for the most part.

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
4:31 pm

And to the same theme – a chick that I *kinda* know from my hometown posted the following question on her FB page yesterday –

“Which would you rather be – the main girl or the side chick?”

I responded with –
“If I can’t be the *only* woman, I couldn’t be either one.”

She came back with something about knowing that all men cheat. I don’t have enough of a relationship with her or care enough to get into a debate with her about that. I just found her position to be rather sad. (shaking head)

Melo

June 10th, 2010
4:35 pm

But its not everybody who is going to get married. Smetime and for those who aren’t going to go down that road, lyre ain’t that interesting unless there is good dycck and some sizeable amount of drama.
I have witnessed those couples too. They luv each other, got a kid(s) etc and are really good when tgether but drama rears its head smetime. But they are grown!

Makes the world go round and fun to watch!

SlimSlow

June 10th, 2010
4:35 pm

Sexycool – My ex once asked me did I actually believe that any man could be or would be faithful…The way he even posed that question had me looking at him sideways. It was sort of the undertone of I would not find anyone who wouldn’t cheat, so why not deal with him since we had been together so long…or a hint of I’d find no one better than him.

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
4:39 pm

IML – that’s kind of what I get from watching Basketball Wives. They seem so tortured – for the most part.

Girl, believe the hurt that’s revealed. I could tell ya’ll stories for days…especially those parties where they’d do get a 2 or 3 room suite at the plush hotels around the city, open bar along with everything else being wide open. Honestly not tryna put folks out there but those boo-ghee chicks did EVERYTHANG…weed, blow, dudes they’d just met. I remember once they met some dudes on the balcony and next thing I know, herbs and sex. I mean I didn’t sit there like a garden hose but I didn’t do dope and I didn’t do dudes…I was sort of the “prude” for lack of a better word. Most times I was dating someone so I had someone to go home with. Only once I stay the night and mmm mmm mmm is all I can say. I was pretty much good for rounds and rounds of playing spades cause I was the only that could talk trash….they rest was too boo-ghee…go figure. And yes, the chick with the football player would get smashed…totally…like can’t even stand smashed.

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
4:45 pm

Good nite, beautiful blog people!

Luvbug

June 10th, 2010
4:49 pm

Agree with you (Melo)…and definitely agree with SCool. It’s just all these stories, though entertaining, are discouraging. Even the “all men cheat” thing is accepted as a fact of life. It (the drama) shows up everywhere as if it’s normal.

Not too long ago, you open up a black magazine and see Kim Porter looking crazy with Diddy like their married and he’s not playing her silly. You see black magazines today and see Alicia Keyes canoodling and pregnant with someone’s husband…spun like they’re a new hot it couple.

I can’t take this new normal.

Sorry for the rant.

Trevor0529

June 10th, 2010
4:49 pm

A closing thought

“There is no where we need to go. There is nothing we need to do. We need to just be.”

Have a good night everybody!!

Melo

June 10th, 2010
4:52 pm

Have u ever met a woman that had an ugly man for a hubby…cute lady,leggy,brown/dark skinned,nice set of teeth,well spoken and good manners?
But the hubby was damn ugly,looking like a frog munching on a bun and having an argument with someone at the same time?? Yeh that one.

She had preferances too at some point and they didnt include an ugly man. She went for what was practical.

Uall need to think about that too otherwise u all die very unhappy!

Good nite!

czBrat

June 10th, 2010
4:54 pm

Luvbug, all i can say is take the time and learn to luv yourself and hold on to your faith. you may not be able to do anything about whether or not “all men” cheat, but at least you’ll know how and when to separate yourself from the situation if it’s not something you want in your life. the examples you cited can be chalked up to youthful stupidity (although i have no idea how old diddy is???). live and learn to be a better person. God willing, a better person will then be happy to share his life with you.

ciao!

SlimSlow

June 10th, 2010
4:57 pm

So melo said all that to say, Get an Ugly man and have a better life??? :lol:

Melo

June 10th, 2010
5:01 pm

SlimSlow ..Get an Ugly man and have a better life

DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
5:02 pm

Some women purposely seek the less than atrractive man.

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
5:02 pm

Nice, Trevor0529, very nice.

Good night, everyone!

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
5:04 pm

Get an Ugly man and have a better life

I’m shame to say it but I’ve heard there’s some truth to this

czBrat

June 10th, 2010
5:08 pm

but what if it turns out your man is with you because he was told ‘get an ugly chick and have a better life”? hmmmmmmmmmm :shock:

:lol: ciao for real :lol:

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
5:23 pm

but what if it turns out your man is with you because he was told ‘get an ugly chick and have a better life”?

LOLOL