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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The truth about dating preferences

We all have our wish list of things we would like to see in a date.  We may not list them all on paper but there are unspoken things that we think about all the time.  When we meet someone who appears to have the majority of these qualities, we get excited.  Now the questions are: is that what you truly wanted?  Are you really into him or her or is it the image of them that gets your blood pumping?

I really think this is a common issue that plagues singles, including me.  It is so easy to get caught up in each others’ representative and outer shell because that is what we are projecting and revealing to people we meet and date.  A lot of men complain to me that their woman changed after they got in an exclusive relationship.  I think it is more about her feeling comfortable enough to show the real parts of her then changing to a different person.  Men do the same thing too.

When it is so easy to get caught up in image, how do you think our dating preferences hinder our chances of building relationships? What happens when you are in to the person because they meet your list of dating preferences and then their real personality shows up?  From your experiences, were you still interested in them or was it just the image of them?

I think the same question can be asked about love and marriage.  Is it really love and commitment we want or is it the idea of it?  Discuss.

221 comments Add your comment

Luvbug

June 10th, 2010
2:47 pm

4 out of 5 months? That’s what she coped to. I bet it was 5 out of 5. LOL

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
2:50 pm

czB – I like that idea.

Raqi

June 10th, 2010
2:51 pm

SexyCool, I had a neighbor when I lived in the apts whose guy would get drunk and beat the snot out of her. She or a “neighbor” would call the cops, they would come and he would start the whole “I promise imma change” speech. Sometimes they would take him and he would be right back there a few days later pleading his sorry case. Other times they didn’t take him because she didn’t want to press charges.

When I moved from there she was still getting her every weekend drunken beat downs ‘cause she believed he was going to change.

Raqi

June 10th, 2010
2:55 pm

SexyCool, how old is your admirer?

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
2:58 pm

LMAO!!! I didn’t even think about it like that.

Rock – you’s a nut.

Oddly though, your question made me look up his age in his personnel file. He is only 44. But he looks like he’s over 40. wow.

For Real

June 10th, 2010
2:59 pm

Man don’t you hate it when you have to be in a long azz boring meeting with various dept and you make plans not to pay attention and do other ish while you are in the meeting and then all of a sudden the meeting turns and its all about you!!!

Let read back and see what the haps on the blog

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
3:01 pm

4Real – Been there, you gotta know how to play it off!LOL!!

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
3:01 pm

Yeah…um…over 50.

Raqi

June 10th, 2010
3:10 pm

44? Oh well, he is too young to be in the harmless stage. He needs to get clue. LOL You know when those little old fresh men are like 70+ they are pretty harmless. Just being flirty.

The parking attendant where I used to work was an older gentlemen. He was always coming with the compliments and being overly flirty to a bunch of the women. He would always tell my husband that he was going to steal me from him. Everybody knew he didn’t mean any harm.

Your guy at 44…he is trying to get at you. Today a latte, tomorrow a danish. You accept and next week he is going to be trying to make you eggs benedick (lol) breakfast. LOL

For Real

June 10th, 2010
3:11 pm

Dayum two pages at 3pm. Do I need to start talking about somebody momma?

Kimmie: I ain’t good at that so I looked at the agenda and turn it back on the idiotic that ask the question. Problem is I was surround by idiotics and spent 2.5hrs turning everything said back on them. Hell it started to feel like I was playing Galaga and I was down to my last two spaceships. Oh yeah, I found another TV serie you might like on Starz it’s called Gravity. It’s about people that tried to commit suicide but failed and the judge made them attend this help group called Suicide Dummies as part their sentence.

Sassy Me....If you ask me I'm ready :-)

June 10th, 2010
3:13 pm

what are you wearing to the concert?

I have a few things line up but I haven’e decided yet Kimmie….what about you?

Heey Professor

For Real

June 10th, 2010
3:14 pm

Scool: Your 44yo and the latte made reminds me of a skit about the first dude to cut a hole in the bottom of a bucket of popcorn and stick his wang inside and then offer the popcorn to his date. Or I’m delirious.

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
3:14 pm

4Real – Cool, I am texting SO now about that show.

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
3:17 pm

I’m gonna go with *delirious*…as usual. LOL!

Yeah, Rock, he’s a flirty one. I don’t pay him any mind. LOL!

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
3:20 pm

Sassy – I have this cute top I am wearing. It has a camoflage print, but in blue & grey instead of khaki green. It has a little sequined pocket. I am trying to decide if I’m wearing jeans or pant. I think it will look best with jeans though. Some silver wedges.

I am so ready! I have to go to the funeral of a great lady and a dear friend & church member earlier on Saturday. We are going to grab a nice dinner before the concert. I want to get a nice buzz too.

Melo

June 10th, 2010
3:20 pm

when ur friend,sister,auntie etc is going to a bro’s house in the wee hours or in the dark and she gets there and shes like:

Queenesha : Ray Ray(on top of her voice) boy open that daaaamn door..i know u in der’

Ray Ray:(in birf suit) peeking thru the windor: who dat? Queenesha..what u doing..go home!

Queenesha : Ray Ray,boy dont play with me..open that daaamn door..who der wit u?

Ray Ray: nobody, im sleeping..just go home i call u tmrw

Queenesha: (very loud,hitting the door) bah bah bah….(pause) bah bah bah..open dat damn door boy..u hear me!!

and shes 42…….U know,(if u are the friend etc) u cant do none about that coz Ray Ray is doing some right to make Queenesha be so delirious! Shes been scratched like shes neva been scratcehd be4 in 42 years!

If u single urself,thats why some female friends(ive heard) will say….”what ur boy giving u geeeeerl,lemme have a taste of it!??

Uall know that story!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dan - back in touch

June 10th, 2010
3:25 pm

Yeah, that concert sounds fun…

I wish I was going….

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

@Melo ~ I’m so appreciative that I know the story, but never lived it!!!

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
3:28 pm

Dan – Other than the Labor Day weekend cruise, it is going to be the highlight of my summer!

Melo

June 10th, 2010
3:30 pm

uall females are so hung up on ur pride……u too Kimmie and Leggs! :lol:

smetimes uall gotta just admit it in public,so we all know,some guys really do a Daaamn good Phluccking job!!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Melo

June 10th, 2010
3:32 pm

watch world cup opening musical events on live tele on espn 2,if u gotta tele at work…

phluckk i forgot to record that!

Sassy Me....If you ask me I'm ready :-)

June 10th, 2010
3:33 pm

Sounds cute Kimmie…I plan on going out for a nice dinner as well before the concert…just haven’t decided on where but I want it to be a new place.

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
3:36 pm

Melo – Yes, I am proud. And I have no problem walking away from “stuff”, if other things are not in order – for example – Mr. Crying Game I told you all about!

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

My response to her – “He is just as crazy as you are. Y’all are perfect for each other.”

Good answer.

True story…A best best best friend (I thought) for years dated this dude off and on from their FamU years. He signs with the Falcons, all the while their relationship off and on. When it’s good for him, she takes a back seat. When it’s bad she’s his rock. He wasn’t a key player. Some playing time but not much…so not really getting paid like famous players. Anyway, in between their on again off again romance, comes 3 kids and 2 baby mamas. During their “on again” time, she plans a wedding and wouldn’t you know it. He calls her to have “the talk.” He had an ephiphany and felt he owed it to his kids to make it work…at least with one of the mamas. She was truly broken. I’m there through all of this and listened over the years. I gave honest advice but as tactful and as much as I could with a grain of salt. During this time she interviews for an FBI agent. She didn’t get that position but was offered another one with the Feds. She signs on and now making a buttload of cash. Him? After his ephiphany slipped away, he’s back to her with a failing farm, horses (and we all know they ain’t cheap) in dire need of medical attention, no longer playing football, he’s got a cash for title business where he holding all these titles to junk cars, big ole cars needing to be sold, behind on child support. She’s telling his woes and I’m like girl ain’t you happy that ain’t your problem and she’s like yeah. How about I call her house and guess who answers the phone. You know me, I’m already not appreciating the fact that he’s played games over the years but it ain’t my thing so I’ve always remain cool with him. I did ask though, ummm (insert name here) has a roommate now? Him still having a key, let himself in, dropped off his luggage, parked his big ole ugly bmer in her yard takes off with Deon Sanders. Of course he asked to leave his stuff there but three days pass and his car is still in the yard, luggage still at her home and she’s not heard from him, didn’t know he would be trekking for days with a player (that was before Deon found Jesus) but was hoping. Now, if you want me to just listen please say so cause if not, and as your girl, imma tell you the painful truth. I was 4 years younger than her and really she should have had enough…I know I had. I went there…no holds barred…that’s been about 12 years ago and I’ve never heard from her again.

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
3:38 pm

You damn skippy, Melo…I am very proud that I know when to remove myself and let your a$$ go. Drama and I are not friends!!!

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
3:40 pm

Maybe 15 years ago

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
3:44 pm

IML – I can so relate. When she first called me a week or so ago when she was still mad, I did try to encourage her to finally make some good decisions regarding her situation. But, er, um…yeah….no, doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

I hope your former bestie finally came to the light before all was lost.

Crabs in the arse

June 10th, 2010
3:45 pm

melo who do you have england v usa…i am thinking 2 – 2 draw

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
3:47 pm

I hope your former bestie finally came to the light before all was lost.

SCool – No she didn’t because that’s why IML hasn’t heard from her in all these years. She’s embarrased.

IML – I’m just shaking my head because I had a friend just like that! Nothing you can say.

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
3:51 pm

I hope your former bestie finally came to the light before all was lost.

You know, I never heard from her again. I saw her sister at the movies a few years back and asked about her but haven’t talked to her since.. I wasn’t mad at her like that…I loved her like a sister as she was there for me as well when I was struggling financially, new baby, etc., but there’s a limit and you have to draw the line somewhere. I tell you I always had like two circle of girls. The boo-ghee and the down to earth. The things that happened in the boo-ghee circle kept me amazed. Had a roommate that got pregnant by a Miami Heat player…I’m dead serious…of course I met her during her first trimester and even though she didn’t get taken through the ringer like my other friend, she was delusional a looooong time. Her daughter has to be about 13 now, BEAUTIFUL baby. But once she got pregnant they NEVER hooked up again…well during the time we lived together. I mean he sent money and he paid and paid well but that was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
3:52 pm

@it’s me lurker….I think you did the right thing. You’ve been her sounding board for so many years, I see nothing wrong with you reaching your breaking point and telling her, your friend what you felt. Apparently she needed a “Yes” friend and when you stopped being that, kappeesh, she’s gone w/the wind.

Dan - back in touch

June 10th, 2010
3:52 pm

Okay, I’m going….

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
3:52 pm

Oh sorry, that’s a horrible story!

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
3:53 pm

Kimmie, I agree. They would tell me I thought I was better or I was too hard on men…oh that was their mantra about me. We laughed about it but I was like, say what you want, I’m not going to be taken through changes like that. I’ve gone through some challenging things but there’s a limit and when I’m done,

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
3:54 pm

Leggs, I was really hurt by that. She was there for me as well but hearing the truth makes you walk away? I couldn’t believe it.

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
3:59 pm

That’s life…hearing the truth makes the “fair weathered friend” walk away. A true friend would probably have retreated for a spell, but eventually you two would continue to be friends. Hurt is hurt, but true friendship and overcome hurt! Just like love can help one forgive. It’s all in the true form of the person = character!

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
4:01 pm

They would tell me I thought I was better or I was too hard on men…

IML – Same here!!LOL!! My response would always be – “yeah I am better” which would just floor some folks! I can be a little bougie, I admit, but never look down on anyone. Just some “messy” stuff I can’t be bothered with.

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
4:02 pm

“yeah I am better” which would just floor some folks!

Love it

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
4:07 pm

If you don’t think you’re worth more, who will?

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
4:10 pm

IML/Leggs – I have this really attractive friend that dated this actor. He had a memorable role on a very popular sitcom and been in a few movies. He’s now married with 2 kids and a black Republican. When he dated my friend he was awful – full of himself and always moody and brooding. There was nothing my friend could do right – he constantly criticized everything about her. He finally broke it off. She kept trying to get back with him, calling and sending him little cards and wanting to be “friends”. He said he thought she was nice, but he wasn’t ready to get married.

I finally had enough and told her to quit calling him, quit trying to be friends because he is NOT interested in her. I told her yes, he IS ready to get married, he just doesn’t want to marry YOU! She started crying and told me I was making her feel bad.

But she took my advice and a few months later started up a friendship with a guy that had been right under her nose. They went from friends to dating to married and have a lovely daughter that I am godmother to. Her hubby is a big time marketing exec in Cali.

Luvbug

June 10th, 2010
4:12 pm

Awww, it’s raining. Refreshing!

Ahhhhgh, all these bad stories of women 35 or 40 plus?! I’ve been banking on people getting better with age. I just knew “40 is the new 20” was only a mantra and not something that I actually had to consider in my future.

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
4:13 pm

They went from friends to dating to married and have a lovely daughter that I am godmother to. Her hubby is a big time marketing exec in Cali.

That’s what I’m talking about. Forget all that hoopla surrounding nothing and go for the simple.

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
4:15 pm

Luvbug is not about natural age. It’s about emotional intelligence and emotional maturity.

It’s also about self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-awareness and a whole bunch of other self words.

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
4:16 pm

@kimmie ~ sometimes the cobwebs simply have to be removed. Her brain was cluttered with a bunch of “what ifs.” Once her mind cleared she could finally see he wasn’t the cat’s meow she thought he was. His armpits did actually smell… We all need that harsh slap back to reality. Not all listen, but most of us need it.

Trevor0529

June 10th, 2010
4:16 pm

There have been some interesting stories today from the ladies here on the blog. It reminds me of a quote I heard on the radio today

“Don’t let people with no life ruin your life.”

Melo

June 10th, 2010
4:17 pm

Crabs in da whaat?

England 2 USA 1

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
4:19 pm

Dang Trevor0529, a day late, a dollar short.

Luvbug

June 10th, 2010
4:20 pm

I get that SCool, but age is relevant when you’re 35, 45, 55, 65 years old trying to be 20.

Maybe 35 isn’t a reasonable expectation of the maturity you described, but 45, 55, 65? Seriously, why are you down here taking up space and raising taxes and the crime rate?

Makes me wonder how much it would cost to get rid of you.

Trevor0529

June 10th, 2010
4:21 pm

sorry about that Leggs. I got another one for later.

It's me....lurker

June 10th, 2010
4:22 pm

I witnessed many things from being in that environment and really it ain’t glamourous AT ALL. All I saw was constant hurt, betrayal and lies. I was cool with most of them but honestly I never tried to latch or hang on, frankly just wasn’t my thing. Again not trying to come off as better than any of them but I can believe your scars and wounds without a personal brow beating to believe.

I agree, self-esteem and worth. You gotta believe in your own worth and know when to walk. If you stay too long and take too much, your quality is compromised.