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The truth about dating preferences

We all have our wish list of things we would like to see in a date.  We may not list them all on paper but there are unspoken things that we think about all the time.  When we meet someone who appears to have the majority of these qualities, we get excited.  Now the questions are: is that what you truly wanted?  Are you really into him or her or is it the image of them that gets your blood pumping?

I really think this is a common issue that plagues singles, including me.  It is so easy to get caught up in each others’ representative and outer shell because that is what we are projecting and revealing to people we meet and date.  A lot of men complain to me that their woman changed after they got in an exclusive relationship.  I think it is more about her feeling comfortable enough to show the real parts of her then changing to a different person.  Men do the same thing too.

When it is so easy to get caught up in image, how do you think our dating preferences hinder our chances of building relationships? What happens when you are in to the person because they meet your list of dating preferences and then their real personality shows up?  From your experiences, were you still interested in them or was it just the image of them?

I think the same question can be asked about love and marriage.  Is it really love and commitment we want or is it the idea of it?  Discuss.

221 comments Add your comment

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
12:31 pm

BMW – I understand what you mean about that tight feeling, like you can’t really breathe. I’ve felt that before, when I knew deep in my heart that something wasn’t right but I’m trying to make it work anyway. No more. I don’t feel that way about the guy I’m seeing now, but everyone else, yeah.

Sassy Me....If you ask me I'm ready :-)

June 10th, 2010
12:32 pm

Black Magic….como estas?

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
12:32 pm

Funny Rell, I knew that was you!LOL!!!

Bless your heart!

Luvbug

June 10th, 2010
12:32 pm

Real – You’re right. You were singling out women even though you know there’s enough crazy to go around…except on the woman’s side. On average we’re 100% sane. It’d hurt less if you didn’t fight it so much. :lol: Concede.

Black Magic Woman

June 10th, 2010
12:34 pm

Sassy…nada mami! Que tu haces?

Sassy Me....If you ask me I'm ready :-)

June 10th, 2010
12:44 pm

Que tu haces?

Just relaxin right now…debating on what to do or where to go to watch the game later.

Chink

June 10th, 2010
12:55 pm

For Real…No matter how much work you do on the front end sometimes the person just ends up to be a jerk…

Sassy Me....If you ask me I'm ready :-)

June 10th, 2010
1:00 pm

Maxwell and Jill Scott singing in my erruh….

William

June 10th, 2010
1:04 pm

I want to be like Charlie Harper on 2 1/2 men. If your looking for committment on the first few encounters, forget it. Then again thinking like Charlie, it is about sex.

Kym-They don't teach us the ABC's..

June 10th, 2010
1:46 pm

Okay I need a break…what’s the haps in here???

Trevor0529

June 10th, 2010
1:48 pm

It must be nap time here on the blog.

Miss Moni

June 10th, 2010
1:54 pm

@ Trevor: My sentiments EXACTLY. . .

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
1:58 pm

Sassy, what are you wearing to the concert?

mytw♥cents

June 10th, 2010
2:03 pm

Thanks LEGGS & SASSAFRASS…

Why is MIA M.I.A.? I’m betting there’s a segment who are busy, some have blog fastigue & others who just sit back and listen. Plus, itKs hell-hot! Who has the energy?

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
2:05 pm

@BMW ~ {{{clap, clap, clapping}}}

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
2:11 pm

I have a gf who has been dating this guys for five months and for four months has been dealing with b.s. and drama.

She is 42. He is 50.

She wonders why I give her the side-eye everytime she brings it up.

czBrat

June 10th, 2010
2:15 pm

SexyC, believe it or not some people actually thrive on drama and chaos. it things were smooth, cool and easy breezy they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. when those people talk, i just smile and nod my head until they’re done. (of course, if it’s someone i don’t like i just :roll: and turn away).

Professor

June 10th, 2010
2:16 pm

Hola!!!

wassup Melo, Lady J, Sassy czBrat, PK and the crew

I am so late I forgot what I was going to write, but it was probably said already.

Hmmmm I like my dates the same way I like my cars.

Dan - back in touch

June 10th, 2010
2:17 pm

Dating “preferences” are like vegetables, what’s good for you ain’t always good to you.

But at a certain point in life and maturity, you either realize that a do what needs doing, or keep doing what you wanna do.

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
2:17 pm

SCool – So really she has only been “dating” him 1 month. She must feel that she won’t meet anyone else so that’s why she’s putting up with it. Because otherwise that’s not enough time to start playing your bs & drama cards, to me anyway.

SlimSlow

June 10th, 2010
2:17 pm

I’m having a slow azz day at work so the fact that the blog is moving just as slow isn’t helping my case. I am struggling, struggling, juggling, mean muggling….

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
2:18 pm

SexyC, believe it or not some people actually thrive on drama and chaos. it things were smooth, cool and easy breezy they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves.

Bears repeating! I know several people just like this.

Professor

June 10th, 2010
2:19 pm

Only 115 messages…WAKEEEEEEEEE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP BLOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
2:22 pm

Dating “preferences” are like vegetables, what’s good for you ain’t always good to you.

So just find a vegetable that you like. Then you’ll have something you like that’s good for you!

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
2:24 pm

Good points, ladies. There is so much that could be spoken to here, from her obvious lack of self-esteem for putting up with the mess; the fact that as long as she hangs around, she is co-signing the drama; she deserves better but won’t get better until she recognizes it and I could go on.

And I haven’t even talked about the fact that she is acting like a psycho nutjob doing drive-bys and was knocking on his door in the middle of the night.

She claims to be done with him after last week’s deal and that she told him to leave her alone and she is not accepting his calls.

Yesterday, she calls to tell me that there was a bouquet of roses from him on her doorstep when she got home yesterday.

My response to her – “He is just as crazy as you are. Y’all are perfect for each other.”

Miss Moni

June 10th, 2010
2:26 pm

Hola Professor!!!

Lady J

June 10th, 2010
2:27 pm

math problem and logic…..some one give their take

if 4 people are traveling a 8 hour trip by car one way would you charge 30 a piece or 60 a piece…explain your choice……i hate math and I know gas is high but I truly want to know what it the most logical amount one way with four people on a 8 hour car ride….

Leggs

June 10th, 2010
2:28 pm

@SCool ~ for her to tolerate that nonsense, it appears she needs to be in a relationship to say she’s in a relationship. Drama is as drama does and perhaps that’s all she’s use to. I don’t know of anyone after 5 months would tolerate something like that jumping off the very first month of being together….he knew who he picked when he got with her. He sniffed out her tendencies from jumpstreet! These type of relationships usually end UGLY!!!

czBrat

June 10th, 2010
2:30 pm

Hola Profesora! and a HEY NOW! on that post :lol:

Slim, how come looking at your moniker today reminds me i forgot to put the roast in the crock pot this morning?

SexyC, your response to her was on point!

kimmie

June 10th, 2010
2:30 pm

I don’t know of anyone after 5 months would tolerate something like that jumping off the very first month of being together

Exactly Leggs!

Professor

June 10th, 2010
2:34 pm

Hey Miss Moni</strong?

@Lady J I would charge $60 that is for the gas, miles, wear and tear. My car is depreciating with all those miles…so I am going for the $60 and the $$$$ must be in my hand before the suitcase hit my truck and get one of those counterfit pens to check the bills just in case… :wink:

@czBrat :grin:

Lady J

June 10th, 2010
2:35 pm

or can it be assessed that 30 is for gas and 30 is just for the person offering to drive her car???? hmmmmm pondering

Professor

June 10th, 2010
2:35 pm

@lady j I forgot to ask you how MPG does your car get. If you are in a V8 make sure you get $60

SlimSlow

June 10th, 2010
2:35 pm

czBrat – Glad I was of use to someone today…

Lady J

June 10th, 2010
2:36 pm

professor sill me that just dawn on me…ok i am over it back to lurking status! ha!

Lady J

June 10th, 2010
2:36 pm

dammit meant silly….geesh I yet have class tonight!

go lakers!
me so sleepy!

Raqi

June 10th, 2010
2:36 pm

The truth about dating preferences is sometimes you think you want something until you get and then realize you can’t handle it or it’s not how you thought it would be.

A woman dedicated to her career can easily be a workaholic and married to her job. A man that is confidence can easily be an arrogant pryck.

The thing there is no way to measure those things.

Professor

June 10th, 2010
2:37 pm

I mean if someone is riding 8 hours in my car they are going to pay more than fuel. You are your own corporation, they don’t ride on Delta and only pay for fuel or get an at cost flight. Why not make a profit? If something happens to your car you will be responsible get the extra it’s no big deal.

Professor

June 10th, 2010
2:38 pm

Lady J same here I am getting ready to take a power nap I am tired

Miss Moni

June 10th, 2010
2:39 pm

@ Professor: ??? </strong?

Melo

June 10th, 2010
2:39 pm

shes 42..shes grown!! Let her be!

knocking at midnite means her butt is being kicked real ,daaaaamn goood and likes it like that!

the 40s are bring out all her juices….(reminds me of that juicy neckbone nook filled with some good good.u feel like gnawing on it hrs on end) :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Raqi

June 10th, 2010
2:40 pm

5 months and 4 months of bs? Wow, I wonder if she kept telling herself he is going to change?

Lady J

June 10th, 2010
2:41 pm

you are a hot mess go to sleep chica! LMBAO Professor!

Crabs in the arse

June 10th, 2010
2:41 pm

i love me some raqi!!!!!

Professor

June 10th, 2010
2:41 pm

Miss Moni that was a typo trying to blog while sleepy is not good.

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 10th, 2010
2:42 pm

Melo – I am not trying to parent her. Trust. I *was* only trying to be a listening friend.

Raqi – He tells her he is. She believes it.

As of yesterday, I tuned out.

And I’m going to hit my co-worker that keeps offering to buy me lattes in the top of his head.

Miss Moni

June 10th, 2010
2:43 pm

@ Professor: Oh ok. Well get your power nap & RECHARGE. The WEEKEND is waiting!!! :-D

Miss Moni

June 10th, 2010
2:44 pm

WHAT was I thinking, it’s ONLY Thursday, oh my. . .

Dan - back in touch

June 10th, 2010
2:44 pm

I’mma agree with Melo,

time and good-good will having puttin up with all kinds of foolishness

czBrat

June 10th, 2010
2:46 pm

SexyC, put a jar on your desk. every time he wants to buy you a latte just have him drop the cash in the jar. then tell him to have a wonderful day.

gotta get back to the plantation. yous behave in here … (Melo!).